Chapter Text
"Holy shit."
The blood was rushing through his ears and his heart was beating way beyond what was normal. He was running high on adrenaline and he wasn't capable of stopping himself from jumping on Troye's back once they'd gotten off stage.
"Holy shit we did it!" He shouted.
Troye for his part was laughing madly, high on the same rush as Calum and holding the boy up on his back, twirling them around while the other acts around them looked annoyed at their disturbance.
"We fucking did it Calum!" He exclaimed, setting him back down and turning to face him.
"Did you hear yourself?" Calum asked, holding the brunette by the shoulders of his blush colored suit while they both had identical smiles on their faces. "You were on fire!"
"Did you hear yourself?" Troye commented back, hands coming up to ruffle Calum's mess of a quiff. "You brought the house down!"
"Oh my God,"
He couldn't believe they had actually done that. That Troye had taken the chance on him and had let him perform in front of their entire faculty and probably half the musical community of New York. That they'd walked out on stage and given it their all like they were some fucking pros who weren't in their first damn year of musical composition.
Suddenly overwhelmed by gratitude and just pure fucking joy, Calum pulled Troye into an earnest hug and whispered "I fucking love you man. Just... thank you. Thank you so fucking much."
Giggling somewhere close to his ear, Troye tightened his arms around him as he whispered back "You've literally got nothing to thank me about Calum. You fucking did it and I love you too man. We're the best fucking team, like, ever."
"I don't know if Madame DeLouise would say that though," and as an afterthought he added "Do you think she liked it?"
Troye pulled back immediately with an outraged expression on his face and a wide smile on his lips, his eyes wild and arms raised high. "Who fucking cares Calum? We fucking nailed it!"
"You're damn right you did!"
They whirled around to find Ashton a few meters away from them, with his hands around his mouth as he shouted. He was running towards them and behind him all their friends, with blinding smiles on their faces. The unorthodoxy of it all was clear on the look of pure horror from the other uptight contestants as they passed by them, but their friends seemed to give no fucks about it.
The two boys barely had time to prepare themselves before they were being tackled to the ground, in a pile of limbs, shrieks and praises. The laughter around them was infectious and they remained a giggling mess on the floor until the stage manager rushed over and scolded them for their childish behavior.
Helping themselves up, Mali was the first one to pull Calum in, whispering how proud she was of him and making him tear up when her voice cracked and he felt the wetness on his cheek from where their faces were pressed together.
Meanwhile Bryana and Ashton had Troye sandwiched between them, as Connor took pictures of them huddled together with an impossibly fond smile on his face.
Just as Mali let him go, Ashton pulled him into his muscular arms, embracing him tightly and telling him how he knew Calum would kill it but he hadn't expected to be that blown away.
They pulled away and Calum thanked him for believing in him when he hadn't had the guts to do it himself, while wiping the tears that he seemed to be unable to keep inside. But for the first time in God knows how long, they weren't sad, reproachful tears. They weren't the same tears from that broken boy who had torn his sheets to bits and almost bashed his cello. No, they were proud, happy and accomplished tears, from someone who was far from being put together but that had his head set on recovery. That's why he didn't mind that much when Ashton teased him, bumping their shoulders and calling him a sap. He just shrugged and smiled smugly as he saw the hazel eyed boy turn away, in what the idiot thought was "discreetly" to wipe "some dirt" from the corner of his eye.
Bryana rocked on the balls of her feet while the two embraced but as soon as Ashton had turned around she jumped on Calum, making his reflexes kick in to catch her small figure in time. He caught her easily enough though and twirled her around, thanking her for being there always and taking care of him. She only smiled widely and kissed his cheek, arms tight around his middle as he put her down. She giggled she was just proud of him and that he needed to thank himself more than her.
He was just about to argue against that when they heard Ashton shout "Get a room!" and Mali wolf whistling. They turned around to find Troye and Connor, wrapped in each other and mouths merging into one. The couple could clearly hear them because Troye's hand left his boyfriend's rosy cheek for a moment to flip them off behind his back before it was returning to it's position and he was deepening the kiss.
Watching them, there was a slight pang in Calum's heart, that made him come down from his high slightly. It wasn't he was jealous. Not by any means. He knew how hard Troye had fought for that relationship, breaking down wall after wall Connor had put up to scare him off. He wanted nothing more than to share millions of more moments with them like this, where he could witness their love and the passion they had for each other.
But he couldn't help but miss Michael. And his mind was guilty of imagining the cuddler with his fierce red hair ad his bright green eyes, storming into the room, taking him in his arms and just..., he sighed. He shouldn't be delusional. He should be happy if the boy had even come to the event.
Feeling like he had to ask, he turned around to see Ashton's eyes already on him, sympathy brimming in the way he was looking at him. And Calum blushed, knowing Ashton could see right through hi, could maybe even predict what he was about to ask.
Still he had to.
"Have you heard from Luke?" Calum asked, in what he hoped was a subtle way of asking 'Did Michael say he was coming?'
The expression on his best friend's face was unreadable, and instead of answering right away he put his arm around Calum's shoulders, tucking him into his side.
"Luke said they might've been running late, but that's all I know."
Something was better than nothing and Calum tried to tell himself that. The night wasn't over yet, he still had some time.
"The following acts are to come on stage when called."
Their friends had gone back to their seats a while ago and now Calum and Troye were waiting anxiously behind the velvet curtains along with all the acts. Everyone had preformed, they'd all gotten their time to shine and now it was it. The time to announce the winners of the 2016 NYC Winter Showcase and you could cut the tension with a knife backstage.
There was a dramatic drumroll as some freshmen handed the white envelope with the names of the finalists to the first judge. Dressed from head to toe in black was the teacher Calum hoped he'd get the following year, Nancy Price. She was the head of the string department and the faculty's jazz band director. Contemporary and really unorthodox, she was a role model for kids like Calum and Troye who loved the classical music but wanted a fresh twist on it. He couldn't see her, but he could bet at some point she'd rolled her eyes at the scared freshman they'd put to hand out the envelopes.
"Alright kiddos, first act to come back up is... Su Ying!"
The violin virtuoso had preformed an electric rendition of Moonlight Sonata that had left Calum speechless. So really it was a no brainer for him when her name had been called. They watched her sprint from her place and head on over to the other side of the curtain.
Calum took Troye's hand and the brunette squeezed it gently, their silent comfort while their nerves kept building up.
"Second up... D.S.S.B!"
That was a group of ten students that were sophomores and had built up a huge production. They'd choreographed a ballet with half their members, put together an orchestra, complete with an opera singer and director. It sure was impressive and as they whopped and cheered, also stepping out into the stage, Calum felt his stomach start to sink.
Troye and him had been good for sure, but there was no way they could ever compete against these people. They'd been lucky enough to qualify and really, that should be enough for him. It wasn't because he was a somewhat ambitious little shit, but when did life ever cooperate with him?
His partner squeezed his hand hard, startling him out of his thoughts and when he turned to look at him, Troye's expression was stern. "Stop it!" He hissed and Calum blinked at him confused. "Stop thinking... whatever it is you're thinking. Just wait before you sulk ahead of time."
God, was he that obvious or had his friends just gotten good at reading him at any given time? Either way he blushed, ready to apologize but the words died in his throat as the judge's voice filtered the air again.
"Last but certainly not least..."
He'd keep it together if they didn't pass, they had already gone so far and it was an honor to be even acknow-
" Troye Sivan and Calum Hood!"
Wait what?
"We did it Cal!" Troye shouted, pulling him into a quick hug and releasing him all in the same speed, already tugging on his hand and pulling them towards the opening at the side of the curtain. Calum's brain was temporarily shut down and he was deafened by his own blood rushing to his ears, hijacking all his sense.
Before he knew it he was out on stage, bright lights tracking his movements and a loud crowd cheering for them. As he was shaking Nancy's hand, the reality of the situation kicked in and he felt himself go pale.
They'd done it. Holy shit. They'd actually fucking done it.
"I know you're excited, but don't throw up on me kid." Nancy said, putting a hand on his shoulders as he shakily let go of her hand. Her voice was stern but she had a mischievous glint in her eyes, like she was playing with him. Which honestly only made him stammer more as he tried to explain himself. But lucky for him, Troye saved the day, making a joke he didn't catch and sweeping them away to stand next to the other two acts.
"It's gonna be okay." The curly brunette whispered to him, hand on his back rubbing soothly.
"We fucking did it Troye." Calum whispered back, and Troye just turned to look at him, with a small smile as he put a slender finger over his plump lips and turned towards the second judge that now had the floor.
Standing in front of them was none other than Judd Greenstein, a living legend, the embodiment of contemporary composing within the classical arts and one of Calum's personal heroes. Could this moment get any more surreal?
"So, I just want to say to the three acts up here, that you blew my brains out tonight. It's not every day you get to see this type of commitment and talent, but even more rare to see the refreshing twist you've all exhibited without falling far from what unites us all, which is, classical music."
He took a moment to look each and every one of them in the eye, as if conveying his statement truly to each one. When his eyes landed on Calum, the tawny boy stopped breathing, trying to process the fact he was staring into the eyes of one of the guys who's music had inspired him to take the scholarship to New York and live out his dream. The moment was gone too soon in Calum's opinion, and the judge turned back to address the crowd.
"In third place, with a rendering version of one of our finest pieces to date... Su Ying!"
The crowd clapped, and the sag of disappointment was barely containable on the small asian girl's face, but nonetheless she squared her shoulders and pasted a smile, shaking each judge's hand and bowing to the audience. Calum was clapping, making a mental note to go up to her after it was all done to congratulate her, when Troye elbowed him.
The boy stared at him solidly for three seconds before Calum made the connection that, yeah, that meant they were up to compete for the first place in the competition. His eyes must have widened comically because the brunette stifled a laugh and shook his head fondly, grabbing Calum's clammy hand and squeezing it gently.
"Now's the time to announce the winner of this year's NYC Winter Showcase for the fine arts. These two acts have displayed exceptional skills and exceeded all of our expectations while staying true to the principles that are taught in this institution. Unfortunately, there can only be one winner tonight. And on that note, this year's winner is..."
Calum squeezed Troye's hand impossibly harder, needing to ground himself because regardless of the ending result, they'd fucking done it.
"Gentleman, may I have a word?"
In the midst of a tight and emotional group huddle, the two performing brunette's heads emerged from the pile of bodies and turned to the voice.
A few feet away from them, with her thin arms crossed over her chest, immaculately dressed and with a stoic face, was their tutor. They stared at her in shock for a few seconds but as always her patience began running low and she arched one perfectly shaped eyebrow at them.
Quickly they untangled themselves from their friends, receiving soft pats on the backs and sympathetic looks from them as they straightened themselves up and walked over to her. Calum really wanted to hold someone's hand, because he didn't know if he was at the point where he could take Madame DeLouise's backlash, but instead, crossed his own arms over his chest and tried to appear impassive.
Seeming to sense this, Troye spoke up first, putting himself a little in front of Calum, as if trying to shield him. Bless his soul.
"Listen Mada-"
She didn't let him finish, holding one finger up to stop him. Her silence stretched out for agonizing seconds as she looked each of them in the eye, searching their faces for something. Calum tried hard not to flinch and drop his gaze.
"Boys, I've only said these words three times prior to any pupil of mine. And I will not repeat myself, so listen intently." She paused, waiting for their frightened nods before continuing. "I. Am. Proud."
The words hung in the air and the silence after it was thick as both boys stood shock still, mouths ajar and ears ringing. She was... proud of them?
"But we didn't win." Calum said dumbfoundedly.
For the first time since he'd met her, Madame DeLouise's lips tuck upwards and something akin of amusement danced around her dark eyes.
"Mr. Hood, it was never about winning. You see, the reason I push my students so much, the reason I am disliked, is because I don't believe in condescendence. It achieves nothing other than allowing talent to remain unlocked and lazy.
"What you boys did up there today. The way your soul fell from your body as you performed and revealed what you're capable of to this institution, that's winning. Not a fancy award, not some prodigy shaking your hand. That's nice but it's not what these competitions are about. You didn't go up there to please me, you went up their because you convinced yourselves of your own abilities. And in doing so, you convinced all of us, that we're just scraping the surface with you two.
"And therefor I stand by the statement previously made gentleman, as both your tutor and a fellow musician. I'll see you both on Monday."
With that, she turned on her heels and left.
The words were swirling in Calum's ears and around his brain, sinking in and making his already accelerated heart, pick up it's speed. Granted, when the winners were announced and they ended up in second place, Calum had felt nothing but pride because second damn place had been practically unobtainable if you would have asked him several months ago. So getting that far in a competition with the best people his university had to offer was beyond what he'd imagined, throw in the fact he'd written the song they'd performed was even more mind-blowing.
But he had also been worried, because their tutor had demanded so much from them that the first place be theirs that he felt like they had failed her in some way, and he had been more than scared of having to face her once it was over. Hell, he hadn't even expected to see her until their session the next week, thinking she was so repulsed by their failure that she would have spared herself even having to look at them. But once again, she'd surpassed his expectations and given them what he thought could possibly be the warmest encouraging speech they'd ever get from her.
It was all so much, he started laughing for no reason, dumbfounded and relieved. There were hands on his shoulders and his friends' excited voices booming in his ears and he caught himself wishing he could tell Michael all about it. He knew it was stupid, maybe even delusional. But before all had gone to shit, Michael was the person he'd talk to about everything. He was the person that would hold him and make the world feel like it wasn't such a scary place. And so this being one of the best nights of his life, he would have loved to tell the cuddler all about it, and he wanted so badly to hear the redheaded's deafening laughter or see his warm green eyes light up like they always did when Calum told him about the good things that would happen in his day.
It was wistful thinking and he snapped out of it in time to catch Ashton making plans for them.
"-so I think it's more than appropriate we go celebrate being New York City's finest second place australians! Who's with me?"
"But with one condition" Calum interjected, everyone turning to him, "My pizza is on you!"
Ashton startled out a laugh and went to reply when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he turned to look at it while smiling still. The conversation around shifted to pizza toppings, but as everyone chatted Calum kept his eyes on Ashton. The drummer's smile softened at whatever text message he received and he saw him draw his girlfriend closer to him as he showed her. His bThey looked so in sync that Calum couldn't help being endeared by them. He would have liked to make a sappy comment but his stomach rumbled loudly, making him blush as Troye and Mali started laughing at it.
"C'mon love birds, if we don't get him pizza fast, he might just eat us and I didn't come all the way from Oz to die from cannibalism."
Laughing, Bryana and Ashton nodded. "Everyone good with the pizza parlour?"
Everyone affirmed and the couple lead the way, steering the group through the thick masses of people still chatting excitedly backstage with the performers. Calum noticed they were going the wrong way though, because they were supposed to head out by the front if they wanted to get to the restaurant faster.
"Hey guys, I think we should go through the front!"
Ashton turned around, that ever permanent goofy smile on his face as he told him that he knew a shortcut through the alley of the backstage, so they could get him his damn pizza faster.
Rolling his eyes and smirking, he dropped it in favor of returning to the hilarious heated discussion Mali and Connor were having about Vegemite and cream-cheese. Mali's argument was getting compelling as they rounded the last flight of corridor for the backdoor.
The cold autumn air was refreshing compared to the heat of the backstage and Calum breathed it in, letting his eyes shut for a moment as the fully stepped outside. His arm wrapped itself around Mali's shoulders and he pulled her in close, opening his eyes to see her smiling at him. He was about to say something when the words died in his mouth.
"Did you mean it?"
His eyes locked with Mali's as her own scrunched in confusion, because surely, he was hallucinating right? He know that voice anywhere, but he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to get his hopes up.
"Calum" the voice said again, more firmly this time. "Did you mean it?"
Mali's eyes widened as she saw the tides of emotions rolling off of her little brother's face. Her eyes drifted for a moment to the source of the words and then back to Calum. She gave him his hands a light squeeze and stepped back from his reach, over to where their friends were all waiting.
Calum stared hopelessly at her retreating figure. His friends were all in somewhat of a line, eyes wide and expressions hopeful, like they were all rooting for him. Bryana even gave him a thumbs up and if he hand't been so shocked he would have flipped her off.
"Calum? Can you please just... look at me?"
The tawny boy took a deep breath, gave one last glance at his friends and finally turned around.
And damn it if Michael wasn't even more beautiful than his broken heart remembered. His hair was bleached out, still a perfect mess on top of his head and he'd gone all in black: black button up, black leather jacket, black skinnies and black combat boots.
He was straight out of Calum's dreams, those he'd been having lately where he never wanted to wake up from, and it was hard to look at him without wanting to break down or do something like jump into his arms and kiss him.
But there was something wrong. Where there was once a confident, silly somewhat cocky redhead with a smirking red mouth and warm eyes, this person was sad and broken all over. His eyes were all glossy, like he was holding back tears and his mouth was set in a frown. He seem unhinged, like a funny mirror version of the guy Calum knew and his eyebrows were almost reaching his hairline as if he was waiting worriedly.
And of course he was, Calum realized, because he hadn't said anything to him yet. So he cleared his throat, making himself not look away.
"What-" he began, and tried to make sense of all the words in his brain. "What are you talking about?"
If anything, his desperate expression morphed into something like hysteria, and he got closer to Calum, but not close enough to touch.
"The song Calum, I'm talking about the song." He said urgently.
Oh. "You came?"
"Of course I did Calum. Your text said- I mean, - I just couldn't believe that-" He groaned at himself, tugging at the strands of his white hair and resting his palms over his eyes. Calum wanted desperately to touch him, even though they'd both messed up. Even though their hearts were shattered and it was no one's fault but theirs, he still wanted to touch him, to just tug him into his chest like the boy had done many times with him and tell him it would all be okay, that there was no wrong answer and that he loved him. But he didn't. He couldn't even move.
"Calum, I fucked up okay? I think, maybe I fucked up since the moment I walked into your apartment that night."
Something must have changed on his face because Michael's eyes widened immediately and he reached out to him but stopped short, as if remembering they hadn't touched in a long time and his expression got impossibly sadder, from where Calum was seeing.
"Not in that way Cal. You see? I guess, I fucked up, because I was too stupid to realize it. From the first moment you opened the door, and you kept staring at me with those adorable big brown eyes of yours, kind of second guessing the whole thing, I knew. I fucking knew it. I just didn't realize it, until we were in this giant mess."
The cold autumn air was no longer welcome in Calum's mind because it didn't allow him to breathe properly, which he really needed at the moment because nothing was making sense.
"Knew what Michael? What are you talking about?"
"That you're the one Calum!" Michael threw his hands up, voice getting so high that everyone in the alley turned to look at him. Not that he seemed to care. "That you're the fucking one for me. That there was no one else since the first hug we ever had. Because it felt like I belonged there, like I'd had you in my arms my whole life. That there couldn't be anyone else because it had never been so hard for me to leave a client like it was that night after you fell asleep on my chest. That going to sleep that night, in another bed with another person no longer felt right. That- That nothing felt right when I wasn't with you.
"Tonight, you sang that you weren't the one but you're wrong Calum. There has never been anyone else."
"But Andy-"
"I hurt Andy, because I wasn't brave enough to tell him the truth. I just, I thought I was crazy you know? If you've been with someone for so long, and you think you've got it all figured out, how can that suddenly change? How can all of a sudden, this person you didn't even know before, become your whole world?"
"I'm... your whole world?" Calum asked, and he knew that there was tears falling from his eyes and that his voice had cracked embarrassingly high in the middle of his sentence but he didn't care. He couldn't possibly at this moment.
"Calum, for the past two months I haven't been able to sleep. I haven't been able to live. God dammit I can't even remember the last time I genuinely laughed at something. All I can think about, every day, is you. How you're doing, what are you up to, if you're smiling, if you stopped having nightmares. Just-" He sighed, and lost all his stance, shoulders dropping and face falling. "You're all I can think about and the worst thing is that, I don't want to make it stop."
There was something like fire spreading all over Calum's body, making him feel alive. Michael's words were beyond anything he'd ever expected to hear from the cuddler, and throwing all caution out the window, a blinding smile on his face that he made no effort to conceal, he closed the final steps between the pale boy and him. He stepped right into his personal space, taking his ghostly white hands in his own and relishing in the feeling of finally- finally- being able to touch him again.
Startled, Michael looked back up at him, breathtaking green eyes immediately locking onto his and Calum could get lost, lost in the sea of turbulent green that were staring right back at him with the same intensity he felt.
"I think about you too," He said, letting a wet laugh bubble from his chest, making him feel delirious. "Michael, I haven't thought about anything else since the moment I met you. You thought you were crazy? I thought I was losing my damn fucking mind. Everything about you just felt so-" Words were failing him at the moment, because Michael's eyes were shinning and his stupidly red mouth was stretching itself in such a wide smile that Calum wondered for a moment if it wasn't painful.
"Just kiss already!" Someone shouted behind them and Calum didn't need to look back to know it was Mali.
"Yeah, get on with it Hood, we don't have all day!" Troye joined in.
"C'mon Clifford, it shouldn't take you this long."
That was Luke's voice and shocked, Calum looked up to find him resting against the wall, next to the back door. For a moment he faltered, but Luke did nothing more than smile and waved him off, taking his hands out of his pockets and covering his face playfully. Calum couldn't help but laugh and when he heard it, Luke uncovered his face and winked, soft smile playing on his lips.
"Well you know, people are starting to get impatient," Michael said gently, making Calum look back at him.
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yeah, we should probably get this over with before they come out here and take matters into their own hands." He teased, and that cocky smirk that Calum loved so much reappeared.
"You know what?" Calum said, dropping Michael's hands in favor of cupping his cheeks, "I think you're right."
And with that, Calum wasted no more time, bringing Michael's face closer to his and meeting him halfway. Their lips met, Michael's hands found their rightful place on the tawny boy's waist and Calum's mind exploded.
Michael's lips felt like they were made of magic, igniting everything inside Calum and making him hungry for more. The more their lips moved together, the more he thought he could never get enough. There was something addictive about the way Michael tasted and all the unspoken words that they had yet to say, that made it all the more meaningful.
He was about to deepen the kiss when Michael pulled back, huffing out a laugh as Calum, eyes closed and mind completely overwhelmed, chased after his lips. However, when Michael put his hand on Calum's chest he opened his eyes, puzzled expression on his face.
"They're clapping," Michael whispered, his cheeks rosy and his lips puffed.
True to his word, when Calum was able to take his eyes off of the man that was holding him, he realized his friends and all the strangers that were in the alley had made a circle around them, clapping and apparently recording them, if the phones in Ashton's and Mali's hands were anything to go by. He'd been so caught up in Michael that he had completely blocked everything else out.
Calum couldn't help but laugh though, bringing Michael in for one last - for now - kiss before taking a small step back.
"Alright folks, hope you enjoyed the show!" He called out, taking hold of the pale boy's hand. The crowd gave them one last round of applause and started parting, each going back to their spots or leaving the alley, as their friends gathered around them.
"About damn time!" Ashton shouted, throwing his fist in the air.
"Never thought I'd have to see my baby brother sucking the life out of another human. Gotta say, it's pretty gross." Mali added, making Calum groan while Michael just laughed even more, letting go of his hand in favor of circling his arms around the cello player's torso.
"Listen guys, now that we will never have to deal with your asses moping all day for each other, what do you say we celebrate by finally eating pizza?" Troye asked, face portraying exasperation even though the smile he was trying to bite back gave it all away.
"Oh shit you're right!" Calum replied, having totally forgotten about his own rumbling stomach. "Let's go!"
As all their friends started filing out, Michael and Calum stayed behind them, walking at a slower pace.
"So now what?" Michael asked, swinging their hands between them.
"Well, I was thinking a good ten slices of pizza would be a great idea." Calum said, not being able to help the smile that seemed to be permanently etched to his face as Michael laughed, scrunching his nose and throwing his head back. The tawny boy made sure to snap a mental picture because that was a sight he never wanted to forget.
"And after that?" The pale boy asked, eyebrows wiggling suggestively and making Calum crack up.
"You know what? Tonight, I just really wanna sleep next to you."
"Sounds perfect to me." Michael answered, leaning up to kiss him again. Pizza could wait for all he cared, because he had to make up for the lost time and Michael's lips were the best way to start.