Chapter Text
A pick falls from the envelope. Hyeongjun knows exactly what it means.
Oh Seungmin is in love with Han Hyeongjun. Hyeongjun doesn't know how to process it. So he doesn't. He's done with the overthinking and downward spirals.
He's done waiting.
This unstoppable grin on his face, tears pooling in his eyes, gone almost unnoticed to him. The speed in which he launches himself from his seat and leaves the cafe, could have one question if Seungmin is the one with the time bending abilities.
No doubt he looks like a madman, sprinting over the cracks in the sidewalk, the piece of paper held aloft in his hand, fanning in the wind. For once, he kinda doesn't care. He mutters quick apologies and hurried excuse mes, and he just keeps running. His feet flying beneath him, leading him to the nearest park. Where he knows he will find him .
The streets get emptier, the noise quieter, the grass greener. The loud raucous sound of his feet coming to a grating stop against wood chips, is stark against the rest of it all. "Minnie!" he calls, cupping his hands around his mouth, "Seungminnie!"
And just like Hyeongjun knew he would, Seungmin appears from behind the children's play structure, from behind the glory of its stairs and bars and tunnels. He spots Hyeongjun, and the smile that paints his face, blindingly bright and beaming, only mirrors Hyeongjun's.
"You knew I'd be here," he says happily, voice just loud enough to cover the distance between them. He opens his mouth, words leaden on his tongue, because there's so much to say.
So much he hadn't broached in the letter, so much to be said about Hyeongjun standing here with the letter. Not burning it or destroying it, though Hyeongjun's grip is vice-like and deathly tight, pressing into the paper with the power to cut off air.
Hyeongjun rushes forward, fast enough to stun Seungmin silent, throwing his arms around Seungmin's neck, pulling him into some half aborted thing of an embrace, and kissing him fiercely and squarely on the corner of his mouth. He gasps just slightly, and Hyeongjun can feel the rush of air along his cheek.
Hyeongjun doesn't give Seungmin the chance to talk, pressing the side of his face into the side of Seungmin's face. "I love you too," he says in the stream of one exhilarated breath. "I've always loved you. I don't know a me that doesn't love you wholly and endlessly." It's only so easy to say, because he's written the exact words so many times, it almost feels rehearsed. Lines to his favorite song.
He pulls back a little, just to wipe at his eyes which have started leaking against his will, dripping onto Seungmin's own face and dribbling at his chin. "Y'know, I always thought we were already together in this timeline," he sniffs, "When I was little I told everyone I had a boyfriend and I was committed to him for the rest of eternity and——"
Seungmin gives him one bewildered, baffled, adoring look. Then he reaches up around Hyeongjun's arms, grabs him by the face, cupping his cheeks tenderly, moving with an urgency. And he kisses Hyeongjun, for real. No corner of the mouth avoidance. Lip to lip, breath to breath.
Hyeongjun sags against him, their smiles fitting together messily and awkwardly, but perfectly. Seungmin stumbles, adjusts to his weight, twines his fingers almost desperately into the tips of Hyeongjun's hair. Just as desperately as Hyeongjun leans into him, always expecting Seungmin to catch him. Never disappointed.
Eventually the kiss tastes of salt and tears.
They pull away, Seungmin fruitlessly wiping away at Hyeongjun's eyes with the pads of his thumbs, his laughter choked by the lump rising in his throat. "You don't know how long I've dreamt of doing that," Hyeongjun breathes, thinking about how half his teen wishes have come true all within the span of a day.
"Wow, you really liked me so much," Seungmin teases, though he can't hide the earnesty beaming from the apples of his cheeks, flushed a happy pink and folded beneath the weight of his grin. His voice softens unwittingly, wondrous. "For so long." It's like he can't believe it. Hyeongjun has known nothing else but loving Seungmin, and Seungmin can hardly believe it.
"Don't make me say it," he complains.
Somehow, Seungmin only smiles harder. "You've already said it, and I'm never forgetting it." He tilts his head up, placing his lips over half of Hyeongjun's smile, pulling away with a self-satisfied smack.
Hyeongjun pulls an arm back to himself, hovering his hand over the ghost of the touch. "Can I take it back?"
Seungmin watches his hand hover, wordlessly moving his hand from Hyeongjun's neck to twine their fingers. "I'll just go back in time and hear it again. You'll never escape me." It's not quite a promise, but Seungmin's eyes spark when they meet Hyeongjun's, almost like a plea, almost like a vow, and Hyeongjun believes him. Gladly.
"No," he murmurs, dropping his head against Seungmin's, feeling like he's finally come home. After so, so long. He's here. He'd been patient, he'd waited, and it'd all been worth it. "I won't. You'll be chasing me forever, Minnie."
Seungmin tucks a hair behind Hyeongjun's ear, ignoring the way it immediately slips back over Hyeongjun's face. "And you'll be waiting for me to catch you. And I always——" He tilts his head, pecks Hyeongjun on the lips, then on the nose, just because he can, just because he'll never waste the chance "——will."
They fall into a silence, standing there tangled in each other's arms. Neither of them say a word, but they can hear every sentiment still.
I love you .
I love you too .
He’s done waiting.
Finally.
✧.*
"Why didn't you tell me?"
They walk along the crooked sidewalk, hand in hand.
"Why didn't you at least let me tell you? Y'know, that I liked you."
Everywhere around the park is mostly empty. Kids are in school.
"It would have made everything a lot easier. We could have suffered a lot less."
They're not kids anymore. Not really. And so here they are.
Seungmin sucks on his bottom lip, looking up from their feet moving in sync. "Easy answer? I knew you were going to confess, and all I could think was that it was...wrong." Hyeongjun frowns, cocks his head a little, like a puppy, or a bunny. "I had to tell you. You. Not—not Junnie. It had to be you and me. Not Junnie and Minnie."
Like he understands, Hyeongjun looks away and nods, but there's still a furrow in his brow, a question on his tongue, sticking out between his teeth. "Still…Still you knew everything that was going to happen. You knew all that we were going to go through. You could've warned me, You could've at least told you wouldn't hate me."
Seungmin huffs out a little breath of indignation. "I would have told you a thousand times by then I would never hate you. Not in a million years. Not ever in any time."
Hyeongjun flushes and ducks his head. "Maybe." Knowing Seungmin is right, and he wouldn't lie.
"As for everything else." Seungmin tilts his head back to the sky, sighs wistfully. "I mean, could I have told you?" Hyeongjun's nail digs a crescent into his knuckles and he hisses dramatically. "I never gave you spoilers first of all," he reasons, "I was terrified of screwing with time." He pauses, thinks.
More seriously, he purses his lips. "I don't think there's any glory to be found in suffering," he muses, "But I think what we went through…I think we needed to go through that. Both of us. Even with magic and impossibility and everything else on our side, we needed to learn how to heal our wounds ourselves, with our own hands. Together. It was now, or later, right?"
He glances out of the corner of his eyes, finding Hyeongjun staring at him unabashedly. It makes him a little shy, a sheepish smile stretching at his lips. He ventures on, voice quiet, maybe just as soft as he'd heard it when he saw himself and Hyeongjun on that couch.
Are we okay?
Of course
"If I'd told you, it would've changed everything. I don't know, maybe——maybe it was easier. And we got to this point faster. But then..then we wouldn't be this. I wouldn't have bent time to find you, and you wouldn't have gotten to know me . We just…we wouldn't be us. And I like us right now."
He squeezes Hyeongjun's hand, swings it between them. "It was worth it, wasn't it? All the tears."
Hyeongjun gazes at their swinging interlocked hands, nodding slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, it was worth it."
✧.*
family meeting
Jungsu-hyung: you mean emergency meeting?
Leader-hyung: no no I think family meeting fits
roommate: sap!
maknae: okay but why a family meeting
With a worrying quickness, Jungsu replies to that.
Jungsu-hyung: did something happen? min?
Leader-hyung: we'll be there
Hyeongjun stifles a giggle. Seungmin whips his head towards the sound, smiling wide. Hyeongjun has his hands covering his mouth, eyes wide like he can't quite believe any of this is happening, and honestly, neither can Seungmin.
Unable to help himself, Seungmin quickly turns and pulls Hyeongjun into a quick kiss. "You're gonna blow it," he whispers against Hyeongjun's lips.
Hyeongjun pecks him once more, shyly, always so shy, yet he manages to peer at Seungmin through his lashes and say casually, "You're the one who can't hide your feelings for me." Rendering Seungmin abruptly and absolutely speechless, gaping at the other with pink cheeks.
Hyeongjun taps them fondly. "I'll go out first."
He leaves the kitchen and Seungmin sighs loudly into the kitchen, splashing cold water on his face in a desperate attempt at recomposure. No matter what he does, how hard he tries, his smile remains so wide it hurts his cheeks. He doesn't know how to control it. Hyeongjun was right. Of course.
Eventually though, when he hears Gunil's and Jungsu's quiet voices approach Hyeongjun in the living room, Seungmin exhales and straightens his voice, exiting just as Jooyeon plops on the couch, leaving an empty space between himself and Jungsu for Seungmin to sit. Seungmin glances across the room, Hyeongjun not daring to raise his eyes from his lap from where he sits, on that same damn armchair.
Seungmin has to bite his tongue to keep from smiling more.
He sits between Jooyeon and Jungsu, quiet, and Jiseok bursts through the front door, sliding to sit on the floor beside Gunil, smiling apologetically. "You didn't have to go out of your way to come," Seungmin says a bit apprehensively.
Jiseok looks up at him with an impish smirk. "I'm not going to miss out on a family meeting. I have to see what happens." Seungmin rolls his eyes and looks away. It always feels like Jiseok knows more than he needs to at the worst times, and right now, it's nothing short of irritating.
Not as terrifying as it had been before, when Jiseok slid his fingers over the rings of his notebook and asked the question that had seared through Seungmin's mind.
Seungminnie, do you have feelings for our precious Hyeongjun?
How is Seungmin supposed to look Jiseok in the eye now, having let the other be right ? The humiliation is enough for him to keep his cool, dreary facade as everyone settles into their places.
"So," Gunil drawls, flattening his palms over the coffee table, eyes shaking where they rest on Seungmin, "Why'd you call the family meeting?"
"Is it really gonna be called a family meeting?" Jungsu questions, a tiny pout circling his lips.
Gunil smiles at the blond weakly. "I'm for it. Why're you so against it, Jungsu-ah? Not wanna be our family that bad?" All Jungsu does is go a little red and cross his arms firmly over his chest, petulant. It only makes Gunil snort, returning his attention to Seungmin.
"So?"
It's just like it was that time Gunil came back from America, and everyone was looking at Seungmin, their attention bearing a particular weight. This time though, it falls right off his shoulders, his eyes straying to Hyeongjun where they always do. Hyeongjun who's looking out the window just like he was before, holding his hand over his mouth, no doubt hiding the slightest, shyest of smiles.
Seungmin thinks, knows , for a single moment, everything shows on his face. It's like Hyeongjun said, he can't hide it.
It has an unintended effect, Jungsu obviously seeing and misconstruing, face paling. He sits up straight and pushes Seungmin back into the couch by the shoulder, trying silently and frantically to communicate with him through his darting eyes alone. Seungmin can tell what he's conveying easily enough. Did you two fight again? Seriously? It's not the effect he'd wanted, giving all that advice only a week or so ago.
Seungmin looks pointedly away from his friend, clearing his throat, shrugging off Jungsu's hand. "Hyeongjun and I have something to say," he says, keeping a somber note in his voice. Everyone looks between the two with a hint of barely concealed panic.
Gunil's gaze is muddled with confusion and suspicion. He straightens, Jiseok leaning away from him at the blank face he takes on, raising a brow and looking at Seungmin dead on. "I hope it's nothing too bad," he says, expression unreadable. It almost makes Seungmin nervous, despite being in control of the situation.
Pausing, Gunil's face softens, "Whatever it is, we're here for you two." And the way he says it. You two. Like they're one single unit. At each other's side always even in their leader's eyes. Bolsters Seungmin's confidence, and he finds his posture fixing itself, his voice coming out stronger.
"Hyeongjun and I…" He looks to Hyeongjun, who's dropping his hand from his mouth, revealing that soft upturn of his lips. "Hyeongjun and I are together." The members stare on. He huffs. "Romantically. Hyeongjun and I are together romantically. Boyfriends. We're boyfriends."
Hyeongjun snorts, a fierce blush growing on his face as the four others react in varying degrees of shock and——because Seungmin is so obvious——satisfaction.
Jiseok stands up, slams his hands on the table, and shouts loud enough to get a noise complaint. "I knew it!"
Jungsu groans and slumps into the arm of the couch, muttering, "You had me thinking I was going to have to deal with more of your shit for another year."
It's surprisingly Jooyeon who doesn't make a single noise, looking between the two with a curled lip, as if he can't quite comprehend it, despite Jiseok definitely having clued him in on Seungmin's feelings from the moment he suspected them. Despite Seungmin handing him the confession itself, signed with Hyeongjun's name and handled with the utmost care.
Nervously, fingers trembling, legs itching to burst up and run towards Hyeongjun, Seungmin looks to Gunil, smile quivering. Gunil's expression is unreadable. For a moment, he trains his eyes on his hands on the coffee table, biting into his lip. Silently, he pulls Jiseok back down to the ground, contemplative. He's making Seungmin's heart shake.
"I'm sure you know the risks," he says, his voice immediately silencing the room. Jiseok shuts his mouth and Jungsu unburies his face from the couch. "I'm sure you know what's at stake, and what needs to be done. It's serious, what you two are doing. It's more than just dating within a band."
Digging his fingers into his jeans, Seungmin nods, and he can almost hear Hyeongjun nodding from where he sits too, just as anxious. "But." Seungmin goes so tense it almost hurts. And then Gunil smiles, gentle and small, the ultimate assurance. "I'll do everything I can to protect you two."
And Hyeongjun does the damndest thing. Bursting from his seat to wrap Gunil in a hug positively no one could have expected. Burying his face in Gunil's shoulder and squeezing hard enough to make the elder wheeze. Gunil sits there in shock, looking wildly to Seungmin and then Jungsu, as if pleading for help. Dazedly, he lifts his hand and starts petting Hyeongjun's hair.
Jungsu shakes his head unhelpfully, grinning proudly, and throws an arm over Seungmin's shoulder. "I told you," he says, only one part smug, "I told you he liked you back."
It’s okay if he doesn’t know that it’s Seungmin who likes Hyeongjun back.
✧.*
The end? Is it the end? Trick question. Once every other day for months, Seungmin had thought, this is the end. This is the end of me and Hyeongjun . Because he was desperate and stupid and a little bit in love.
There is no end to Seungmin and Hyeongjun. Not in concept, not in reality. They're destined to meet. They're destined to know each other. They're destined to be best friends. In every timeline, every time, throughout time.
Hyeongjun may love Seungmin endlessly, but Seungmin will love Hyeongjun over and over again.
✧.*
"Are we okay?"
Days pass, comebacks go. They're having to hide their relationship more and more. Sometimes, when Seungmin looks back at all that they can't do, vs. what they can, it feels like they're disappearing. Silently, without a word. Dying without a last breath.
He's being dramatic. He's being tired. He knows this. But his thoughts are loud, and the world too quiet, and Hyeongjun is there beside him, a careful distance between them just in case .
He can almost hear Hyeongjun snort when he lifts his head, looks at Seungmin, not with a smile, but an expression so comforting it makes all of Seungmin's thoughts go quiet in an instant. Hyeongjun's gaze alone is like a lullaby. "Of course."
Seungmin has come to learn that in spite of it all, Hyeongjun is the braver one of the two. Seungmin can't hide his feelings, but he'd had to try to learn that. Hyeongjun, he doesn't try anymore. He knows they're quiet and subtle enough for no one else to notice but them. It's okay too, because it's only meant for them, for him. He scoots closer, rests his head on Seungmin's shoulder. Seungmin's breath hitches and evens out in the same heartbeat.
Hyeongjun speaks to him like he's small, able only to fit into Hyeongjun's arms, and he likes it so much, so much more than it feels like anyone should sometimes. "All you have to do is ask, Minnie."
"All you have to do is ask, Minnie."
Pulse steady, Seungmin exhales, rests his head against Hyeongjun's. It's almost like a thank you, the way he says, "If you're willing to answer."
He blinks, looks toward the door opened just a crack. No one is looking in, watching them, but he knows, remembers faintly now, sitting in that spot, and watching himself and Hyeongjun with jealousy.
He smiles. Dropping a stolen kiss to the crown of Hyeongjun's head. Knowing it'll all be okay. That it is all okay.
✧.*
"Hey," Hyeongjun says, entering the room, looking at Seungmin sitting in his designated armchair fondly. Exhaustion stains the skin beneath his eyes, joy cracking in the corners of them.
Seungmin sighs, beckons for him to come closer, and Hyeongjun complies, standing where their knees bump. Seungmin sits up, wraps his arms around Hyeongjun's waist, and pulls him only impossibly closer. "Gunil-hyung still moping in your room?"
Hyeongjun sighs, running his hand through his hair. It's so long it almost touches his collarbones. Seungmin is so mesmerized by it, every time he sees it, needing to touch it. He resists for now, listening aptly with wide, attentive eyes. "I thought we were bad," Hyeongjun complains, "But hyungs are absolutely the worst. And Jooyeon manages to sleep right through it all."
Seungmin grins. "They'll get over it. Better you than me though." Earning himself an exasperated slap to the wrist.
Hyeongjun looks down at him, eyes warm enough to melt Seungmin right to the core. Seungmin reaches up, settling his hands over Hyeongjun's back, pulling him down closer still, just so he can move Hyeongjun's hair out of his face.
"Y'know," he whispers, the air shifting between them, tangible, thick, "I love your mole. It's how I recognized you, when I first jumped to you. I knew it was you, because of your mole." He swipes his thumb over the mark, Hyeongjun's eyes following the movement, entranced.
"It meant I knew you in a special way, even if only a little bit. I've always loved it." His hand falls away, eyes sliding right back to Hyeongjun's. "I love you."
"You need to stop talking the way you do," Hyeongjun mutters, not an ounce of bother in his voice, "Everyone's going to fall in love with you, Oh Seungmin."
Seungmin smiles. "Just you." He feels the muscles of Hyeongjun's back shift beneath his fingers. Hyeongjun moving closer, leaning down further, head tilting gentler. "Just you matters," he says, just as Hyeongjun kisses him, wrapping his arms around Seungmin's shoulders, pressing his palms to the nape of his neck. Tender and sweet, his tongue flicking along Seungmin's bottom lip as if just to taste him.
And of course, Seungmin runs his fingers through Hyeongjun's hair, curling at the end. He loves Hyeongjun's hair. He loves every part of Hyeongjun, if it wasn't clear enough, if he hasn't said it enough times to be memorized.
He tucks soft strands behind Hyeongjun's ear. Always taking care of Hyeongjun, in the smallest, tenderest of ways.
His eyes widen, and he glances to the kitchen, seeing the briefest, jarring sight of himself, younger, hair copper and glasses askew. He hears himself gasp, before erratically vanishing from sight. Hyeongjun stands up straight, head whipping to the kitchen. "Was that—"
"Me." Seungmin grabs Hyeongjun's arm, pulls him back down and close again. "It was me. That was..." He tightens his grip around Hyeongjun's elbow, not willing to let go. Hyeongjun looks at him closely, carefully. "That was when I was stuck. In time. And you pulled me out."
Hyeongjun blinks, lips parting, stunned. Decidedly, he crawls into the space beside Seungmin in the armchair, barely there, simply sitting halfway in Seungmin's lap. "That was years ago," he murmurs, awed. "You——You came here."
"This was something I needed to see." He adjusts himself so Hyeongjun is as comfortable as possible, leaning his head against Hyeongjun's chest. "Us."
Hyeongjun laughs, cradling Seungmin's head in his hand. "He didn't even see the half of us."
"Why does he need to see it?" Seungmin murmurs, "If he's going to be a part of it. Very soon. Right now." He plays with Hyeongjun's other hand, for all of a moment feeling indescribably content.
"I've always loved you," Hyeongjun reminds, reminisces.
"And I always love you back." He looks up, smiles. "Twice as much." To which Hyeongjun scoffs. This is a fight neither of them will win. It's a fight both of them are willing to lose.
✧.*
Hyeongjun goes through all his journals. He tries to find it.
Maybe it was at first sight, smitten like a puppy with a bone the first moment he ever laid his eyes on Seungmin's darling face and moonlight silver hair. Maybe it was later, the first skip of his heart when his mom tells him about princes and princesses, and Hyeongjun thinks Seungmin and him would share the shiniest crown. It couldn't have been much later than that.
By then, when he knew how to dream, he was already noticing the way his stomach lurched at the sight of Seungmin's smile, and the way he'd stare as Seungmin rested, lashes glowing and fluttering in the sunlight of Hyeongjun's childhood room. He'd already wanted only to hold Seungmin's hand, to feel Seungmin's embrace, to cherish Seungmin's heart.
Hyeongjun can't find it, the moment he fell for Oh Seungmin.
He closes his journals, and looks over in his bed where he'd forced his boyfriend to rest, one bit of his hair braided and held by a kiddie, purple scrunchie. For old time's sake. He didn't even know why he looked. He's always known it. Always loved Seungmin, one way or another. He doesn't know how to do anything else, he doesn't want to do anything else.
He climbs into bed beside Seungmin, holding him close and draping a blanket over their bodies.
For all of his life that he can remember, Hyeongjun has had a shadow. A very special shadow, with copper hair and a soothing, soft spoken voice. Appearing to him sporadically and without occasion. It was just there when it was there, and Hyeongjun learned to anticipate it, to wait for it.
He was always in wait.
He was always loving the shadow.
Though he'd come to learn it wasn't quite a shadow at all, but a light. A person so gentle and kind, not even the universe could ever deserve his shine.
And the light loved Hyeongjun back.
Every time, the light loves Hyeongjun back.
The light has a name.
"Oh Seungmin."
April 1st, 2021
Forever before, and forever after.