Chapter Text
it’s warm and sunny on the day yoongi brings jungkook and namjoon with him to an event on the campus green. jimin has set up a booth where he’s handing out pamphlets that contain information on initiatives for providing better care for addicts; yoongi knows how important the work he’s doing is, feels so much pride for his friend and his goals, and insists upon showing up to support him.
it takes a bit to get to the table, considering how easily namjoon and jungkook keep getting distracted by other groups, but once they finally stop in front of jimin, yoongi knows he’s made the right call to come here.
“hyungs!” jimin yelps, rushing around the table to pull namjoon and then yoongi into a hug. “i’m so glad you guys came, there are such important causes here today and i’m proud to be one of them.”
yoongi’s cheeks feel tight with how wide he’s smiling, throwing an arm over jimin’s shoulders to tug him closer to his side. “we wouldn’t miss it for the world, minnie, you know that,” he says, ruffling his friend’s hair and letting him go to return to his chair. once he’s seated and looking up at them, it’s like jimin suddenly notices jungkook lurking behind namjoon’s shoulder, curious eyes and a small smile pointed at jimin.
“i know you! you’re the guy who kidnapped yoongi from jin and i that one time!” he sounds so excited about it that yoongi just groans, hand going up to rub his forehead.
“‘kidnapping’ is a bit strong of a word, ji—” yoongi starts, but namjoon just bursts into laughter, patting jungkook’s shoulder with pride.
“good job, bun, yoongi needs to be reminded that he’s not a tough guy once in a while.” he says this while ignoring yoongi’s glare, but that doesn’t stop yoongi from not easing up, actively refraining from letting the glare become something sulky.
jungkook seems to gather his courage from the scene happening in front of him, squeezing between yoongi and namjoon to stand right in front of the table. he smiles, bowing politely and sharing his own name, but jimin just waves him back up. “any friend of hyungs’ is a friend of mine, no need to stand on ceremony.”
jungkook beams at jimin, and there’s that sparkle in his eyes that yoongi’s noticed happens when he’s teasing. “ah, thank you, jimin,” he says, and jimin seems to go from cheerful to mildly confused to playfully annoyed, finally landing on something resembling scolding and yoongi has to work so hard to not start laughing.
“well, i mean, i’m pretty sure you’re younger than me, so a ‘hyung’ wouldn’t go amiss.”
the sparkle is still there, maybe even stronger now, and jungkook doesn’t know it yet, but he’s managing to gain a best friend and also dig his own grave with the conversation he’s currently having. “ah, jimin, i’m not sure i know—”
“c’mon jungkookie, let’s go check out the other booths before jimin here blows a gasket,” namjoon butts in, clearly just as amused as yoongi. the two of them look to yoongi, but he waves them off, telling them to go have fun and that he’ll catch up. they nod, and namjoon points out a booth on the far side of the festival, guiding jungkook with him as they head over.
“well, i see why you’re attracted to him,” jimin mutters, eyes firmly on jungkook’s backside, and yoongi lightly smacks the back of his head as a reprimand. “what? you know i’m right.”
“whether or not you’re right doesn’t matter, they can probably hear you!” yoongi exclaims in a loud whisper, but jimin just bursts into giggles.
“for real, though, he’s adorable and is so your type, i’m not shocked that all you can write now are love songs.” yoongi makes a vague noise, not sure how to respond, then turns and looks at his friends’ backs, namjoon’s hand on jungkook’s bicep as he drags him to another booth. he sees jungkook’s head thrown back in a laugh, and he realizes that jimin isn’t watching them when he hears him say, oblivious to the turmoil building inside of yoongi, “i can see why he’s made a home so easily in your heart.”
the casualness of this world-shaking statement, paired with the light flirting he’s now unable to turn his head away from, is suddenly too much, and he doesn’t even realize he’s about to cry until he sees jimin look up at namjoon and jungkook, then at yoongi’s face, and then he’s coming closer, pulling him away behind the back of the table right as yoongi lets out a choked sob.
he’s made to walk a little, tugged around what he assumes are people, but cannot tell with his eyes blurred, and eventually jimin’s hands are on his shoulders as he’s pulling yoongi into a hug, tight and concerned. “oh, hyung,” jimin sighs out, and yoongi can’t resist fully caving into the comfort of his friend. jimin starts rubbing his back and it isn’t long before the tears stop, jimin’s gentle cooing finally able to be heard. when yoongi pulls away after a long moment of standing in jimin’s arms in silence, he feels small fingers wiping away his tears. “you love so much and so easily. god, it hurts to see you so sad.”
“i don’t know why i’m reacting like this, he’s just my muse.”
the look he gets for that would be pity, coming from anyone else, but he knows jimin like the back of his hand, and it rolls off of him like drops of water. “well, let’s get back before your muse reappears and wonders what happened.” he pauses, bringing his hands up to yoongi’s shoulders and waiting for him to look up before he speaks again, words gentle, “if you’re ready to, that is.”
yoongi nods, and they head back to the booth, yoongi already preparing to lie and say his allergies are why his face is suddenly so red.
—
they still have plenty of time to submit their project, but that doesn’t stop yoongi from wondering why jungkook’s so reluctant to share the vocal track he’s recorded. he’s known jungkook for long enough now that he knows jungkook’s voice is gorgeous, so it can’t be that he sounded bad. he also has the passing thought that jungkook accidentally deleted the song, but that’s so unlikely he discards the notion almost immediately.
the day he finally decides to give it to yoongi, it’s almost like he’d been planning to drop the zip drive off and then flee, but yoongi manages to convince him to stay while he listens. the agreement is reluctant, but yoongi doesn’t think much of it, assumes it’s just one of those things that jungkook is less confident about, letting someone hear one of his songs for the first time.
plugging the drive into his laptop, he pulls his headphones on and starts the song, and jungkook’s voice sounds just like how he expects it: clear and light and steady. hearing him sing words about himself is slightly odd, but yoongi is the only one who will ever know that’s the case, so he shoves down that concern and focuses instead on the technique. “bun, this is so good, you sound wonderful,” he says, hoping he’s not too loud with the music still streaming through the headphones into his ears. he sees jungkook smile, bashful in a way he doesn’t usually get about performing, but yoongi once more brushes the thought off.
it’s only on the second listen that yoongi is able to pay attention to the emotion that jungkook is singing with, how it sounds like he’s holding his own beating heart in his open palms, offering it up while knowing that it’s going to be rejected. once he makes that realization, jungkook’s reluctance about yoongi hearing the recording suddenly makes sense; of course jungkook wouldn’t want to burden yoongi with his feelings for namjoon, that’s not something you just put on your crush’s best friend.
pulling the headphones off, yoongi rests them carefully on the table and turns in his seat to face jungkook. “truly, you are one of the best voices of our generation, and i will have no arguing on that matter.” this manages to bring a small smile to jungkook’s face, but he still doesn’t say anything. “you took this song and made it shine, thank you so much for being willing to share that with me. i hope you know that, no matter what grade we end up getting, i’ll forever be grateful that i’ve been able to work with someone like you, talented and smart and in touch with your emotions in a way that translates perfectly into your singing.”
jungkook’s eyes are watery, and he’s looking at yoongi like he’s waiting for something more, but yoongi doesn’t know how to provide it, can’t take the heart on offer when he knows it’s not on offer to him. they sit there, with yoongi breathing out another ‘thank you’, until jungkook seems to realize that he’s not going to get more, and sits up a bit, taking a deep breath. after he lets it out, he seems much calmer, grounded, and nods at yoongi, the smile on his face small, but it’s there and that’s more than yoongi dares to ask for in this moment.
—
the frustration of jungkook baring his heart and soul for yoongi’s oblivious best friend reaches a boiling point after jungkook comes over one night, ice cream in hand, and complains about how frustrating men can be. they end up squeezed together on yoongi’s couch, jungkook’s head nestled in the crook of yoongi’s neck in the same way jimin’s did after his last breakup, and yoongi quietly decides he needs to do something to fix this.
when he wakes up the next morning, jungkook is long gone, a note stuck to the inside of yoongi’s apartment door that’s just a smiley face and a “thank you”, and it’s enough to get yoongi to planning. he pulls out his phone, texts namjoon and jungkook—separately—to see when they’re next free for dinner, and once he gets a date that works for them both, only two days later, he tells them to keep that evening free.
in the way he hates that he’s getting used to, yoongi then shoves his feelings away, knowing they won’t stay hidden but needing them gone to achieve his goals.
he goes about his business until the day he’s planned for, and when five in the afternoon hits, he texts both of his oblivious friends the address to the restaurant and the time to arrive. then, he digs out that tub of ice cream jungkook left in his freezer and burrows into a nest of all of the blankets he can find, turning on trashy reality television to ignore what’s happening across town.
—
“so, how did things—”
yoongi doesn’t even manage to finish asking about the dinner date before jungkook is falling into his arms in tears.
“i think namjoon hates me,” he manages to get out between choked sounding sobs, and yoongi’s heart breaks all over again. “it was so awkward last night, i don’t know how we’ll manage to get past it, hyung.”
yoongi rubs up and down along jungkook’s spine, making soft shushing noises into jungkook’s hair. “i don’t thi—”
jungkook pulls away, anger in his eyes, and says in a tone that’s ugly in his voice, sardonic and pained, “he thought i was trying to seduce him.”
this draws yoongi up short, considering he’d assumed that was the intended end goal. “but i thought— didn’t you want—”
“‘didn’t i want’ what, hyung? to go to dinner with you? to hang out and catch up and enjoy myself? because that’s what i wanted, not a fucking blind date with my roommate.”
even knowing he deserves that anger isn’t enough to keep yoongi from feeling like he’s been stabbed, right in the gut. “god, i’m sorry jungkook, i’m so, so sorry,” he says, and he’s so thankful that jungkook lets himself be pulled back into yoongi’s arms, lets yoongi guide him to the couch and hold him close when he starts crying again. “don’t worry, koo, i’ll let namjoon know it wasn’t your idea, that you didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.” he gets a hum in return, so he continues, hoping that he can salvage things. “i promise, jungkookie, things are going to be okay and i won’t do anything like that, ever again.”
there’s a sniffle, the sobs having quieted down finally, and jungkook makes a wet snorting noise. “you’d better not, that was one of the worst nights of my life.” it aches, knowing he’s hurt jungkook, but he’s still unsure how he got things so wrong. ignoring his confusion, yoongi focuses instead on comforting jungkook, but it seems like now he, understandably, just wants answers. “why did you do it, hyung?”
“i wanted you to be happy,” is what yoongi finally manages to say into the silence, and has to stifle the noise that wants to escape when jungkook pulls away from his hold. he looks at yoongi with confusion, and with a sigh, yoongi gathers his courage to explain, hoping jungkook still wants to be friends after he’s done. “ever since the day you came into our studio, i’ve been watching how you look at namjoon, like he’s everything you want, and i hated seeing him remain out of your reach. i was hoping that maybe a nice dinner would get you two to talk about things, maybe help you get closer, but i was obviously very wrong.”
“i— yoongi, namjoon is important to me, but i’m not—” he laughs, the sound appearing to be shocked out of him. “i’m not in love with him. holy fuck, you really thought i was pining after kim namjoon?”
some of the tension seems to lift all of a sudden, and yoongi feels like he can breathe easier, jungkook’s mirth feeling more authentic as he speaks. “but—”
“min yoongi, i don’t know why you seem so attached to this idea, but i’m not in love with him. he’s the cool older brother i wish my actual brother was. he’s admirable and great to be around and makes me feel a little less homesick when i remember that the rest of my family is hundreds of miles away, but none of it is romantic.” jungkook snorts, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. “besides, even if there was any attraction, the endless months of having to sleep one bed over while he snores would have been enough to kill any potential crush.”
yoongi laughs at that. “i’m sorry, bun, i really am. i just wanted to bring you that same joy you bring me, y’know? you’re the best muse i could’ve asked for, and i wanted to return the favor for all of the words that you fill my head with, that fit perfectly with every melody i’ve ever made.” he smiles at his own knees, saddened that he couldn’t achieve his goal. “can you forgive me?”
“hyung, i—” jungkook lets out this choked noise that makes yoongi look up, and there are stars in jungkook’s eyes. “i’m your muse?” yoongi plays back his own words in his head, and flinches when he realizes what he’d let slip. “nevermind, of course i forgive you, i mean i’d do the same for you.” he pauses. “well, maybe in a way that’s a little less horrible, but i get where you were coming from.”
with a smile, yoongi nods. “thank you, jungkook. i hope you know you’re something special.”
—
despite sending off a text to namjoon, explaining the situation, yoongi is still nervous to meet up with him for studio time. he lingers at his apartment before finally sighing heavily and squaring his shoulders as he walks out the door. namjoon hadn’t seemed mad, but yoongi wouldn’t blame him for cutting contact after the stunt he pulled. punching in the code at the studio door, yoongi takes another fortifying breath, and steps inside.
it’s dark. the soft glow of the power indicator on their keurig helps lead him to the loveseat, but it’s not enough for him to notice that namjoon is already in the room, so yoongi jumps when he hears the soft clearing of his friend’s throat in the darkness.
“hyung, why didn’t you tell me you were jealous?” namjoon asks softly, and yoongi deflates.
“joonie—”
“please don’t brush this off, yoongi hyung. i talked to jungkook and he explained where you were coming from. one of the benefits of having been friends for so long, hyung, is that i understood immediately why you did what you did.” a sigh, the sound bittersweet. “i don’t know what i did to make you think otherwise, but you know you can always come talk to me about these things.”
yoongi lets out a shuddering breath, taking the chair next to namjoon and scooting it closer so he can tilt his head onto the taller man’s shoulder. “it’s not that i didn’t trust you, joon, i just.” he has to pause to figure out how to explain to namjoon that, despite his actions, it wasn’t anything namjoon did. “he makes me so happy, and i wanted him to be happy in return. i thought maybe if you could see him in a romantic light—”
namjoon takes in a deep breath, turning enough that he can awkwardly pat yoongi on the head. “the feelings you have for him are pretty big, aren’t they?”
yoongi forces down the little voice inside of his brain that’s screaming “YES! YES THEY ARE!”, pulling away from namjoon to find his headphones. “no, namjoon-ah, there aren’t any feelings, at least not those kinds of feelings, but he’s the inspiration behind all of my work recently, and he’s also just,”—yoongi lets out a soft huff—”my friend. and i—”
namjoon cuts him off once more, reaching out to squeeze yoongi’s wrist briefly before bending to reach the power button for the computer. “it’s okay, hyung, you don’t need to explain. just— don’t do it again.” with a soft smile at yoongi, he turns away, and the conversation dies out while their editing suite loads, yoongi feeling soft inside as he lets himself get into the mindset for their work.
—
in what feels like no time at all, yoongi realizes that they’re only two months away from the due date of their project, and upon noticing, time suddenly feels like it’s passing so quickly, it all feels like a blur.
jungkook has taken to spending almost all of his free time with yoongi, the two settling into a rhythm that somehow feels even easier than it did before. it gets to the point where an exasperated seokjin walks into the study room they’re occupying one day and just sighs, rubbing between his eyebrows like they’ve given him a migraine. “i don’t know why i thought i’d find yoongi anywhere other than with you, jungkookie,” he says, and yoongi notices the embarrassed look on his face has made its way onto jungkook’s as well.
after two straight days of holing up in quiet rooms, tweaking and re-tweaking parts of their song, jungkook lets out a dramatic sigh and drags yoongi up from the floor, shoving his jacket into yoongi’s arms. “let’s go, we both need air or we’re going to turn into moles.”
they get lucky, going from having no plan and just wandering, to yoongi shoving a hand into his pocket and finding a balled up flier, and then they’re both rushing to the random-play dance thing. they make it just as it’s about to start, and jungkook is fretting about not having been able to teach yoongi any choreographies, when girls’ generation’s gee starts playing. yoongi lets his muscle memory kick in, making it halfway through the song before he realizes jungkook hasn’t joined him. he does a quick search of the crowd to find him filming yoongi dancing, cheering at the top of his lungs and just generally looking so happy that yoongi is inspired to participate in every dance he knows for the rest of the event.
not even a full twenty-four hours later, a whining jungkook follows yoongi to the studio with the promise of “we’ll do another run through of the project in a little while, i just need to check on this last draft of that song joonie and i wrote." a few hours later, yoongi has long since finished his original task, and is instead looking around the darkened studio, trying to figure out how they ended up spreading out to almost every available surface.
it’s an effort to gather up all of their books, shouldering multiple bags and hunting down two pairs of shoes, all without waking up a sleeping jungkook, but it’s two in the morning and yoongi knows the couch will fuck up his back if they fall asleep here. it takes a few tries, but he wakes jungkook up, the boy fighting back yawns—to yoongi’s endless amusement—and they start the walk to yoongi’s apartment, jungkook sleepily searching naver to find somewhere still open that sells pizza.
classes take their attention for a day, but the day after, yoongi wakes up to jungkook knocking on his door, yelling through the wood like it’s not even there. “hyung! get up! i wanna try that new boba place that opened downtown!” not wanting to bother his neighbors—and not being able to say no to jungkook—he waddles out, jacket on one arm, shoes untied, belt wrapped around his waist, the buckle still in his hands as he tries to get it secured. jungkook just barks out a laugh, reaching over to take over the task of the belt, and yoongi knows he doesn’t manage to completely hide his flush at jungkook’s hands so deftly working to get him put together.
it’s at the end of three straight days of spending time together that yoongi realizes jungkook has practically made a second home of his couch. there’s only two weeks until their project is due and neither of them are sleeping well, worries about their grade and how the song will be received making it difficult to shut off either of their brains enough to drift off at night.
when yoongi wakes up at noon on sunday, jungkook looks barely awake, standing in just his pajama pants, scratching at his stomach and looking more rumpled than yoongi’s ever seen him. his chest aches, but he ignores it, poking jungkook right in the belly button and squeezing by him to put a pot of coffee on.
they end up doing absolutely nothing for a few hours, finally deciding to head outside when jungkook remembers that he heard about a hiking trail five minutes away. expecting something tucked away, yoongi ends up shocked and baffled when the trail is right out in the open, somewhere he passes all the time, but before he has time to stew on his obliviousness, jungkook is walking forward, calling for yoongi to follow.
it’s bright and sunny and yoongi is so happy that this is where he is, in this moment. it’s quiet, just the sounds of their feet across the scattered leaves, for the first five minutes after crossing the tree line, but then jungkook spots some small animal in the distance, gleefully pointing at it and then grabbing yoongi’s hand. he pulls, and the next thing yoongi knows, they’re running, and this isn’t the first time this has happened—yoongi can’t even count how many times jungkook has dragged yoongi into something with a cry of “ADVENTURE!” and some stumbling steps before they get their feet on right and are moving forward into the unknown—but this time, it trips yoongi up.
this time, yoongi’s brain has given up on the impossible task it’s been trying to accomplish, and when jungkook turns back, mid-step, and smiles wide at yoongi, laughing from the adrenaline rush as they get closer to where he’d originally pointed out, yoongi feels such pure joy that he can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. looking at jungkook when he’s like this is like watching the sunrise: beautiful and awe inspiring and somehow larger than life and full of raw potential and god he’s so in love with this boy.
he almost falls flat on his face when he plays that back, the words feeling foreign in his mind despite the emotions behind them being familiar by now, permeating his every action.
he loves jeon jungkook.
the endless stream of inspiration that jungkook gives yoongi seems to quiet down for a moment, almost like it, too, knows how big this is, but then jungkook lets out a loud laugh, turning his head forward once more, and yoongi couldn’t fight it if he tried, powerless against the tide of beautiful and lovely and perfect and happily ever after and you bring me joy and—
his cheeks end up sore from how wide he’s smiling at jungkook, struggling for the rest of the day to feel anything other than the pure happiness he’s been suffused with.
—
the days following yoongi’s epiphany are wonderful, leaving him feeling light and airy, in spite of any doubts. that’s not to say that he doesn’t start to feel sad, sad that jungkook isn’t actually his, but he kicks those thoughts away because he’s allowed to feel this way, now that he knows jungkook’s heart doesn’t already belong to someone else.
he has a chance and that alone makes him happier than he’s been in a long time.
it’s on day four after the epiphany that yoongi is laying in bed, jungkook passed out on the couch in the next room, when he realizes that this euphoria isn’t going to last forever if he doesn’t do something. it starts spinning around and around his head that for all of the times he’s encouraged those around him to take chances, that the outcome will be worth it and the regret will be insurmountable otherwise, and for every time he’s told someone that “life is too short to pretend you’re happy when you’re not”, all of it is worthless if he can’t even take the first step towards what looks like a chance at his happy ending.
he spends the rest of the night planning, and after only a few hours of sleep, he wakes up before jungkook, dragging him off the couch and pushing him into his shoes, and then they’re off.
he’s half hoping jungkook notices that they’re essentially on a date, half hoping he stays oblivious, but as they get through the turnstiles into the museum right off campus, yoongi decides either outcome is worth it. they walk around, taking in the art in the peaceful quiet, jungkook occasionally making jokes about the exhibits that make yoongi burst out into laughter that earns him glares from the people around him. it’s lovely, and yoongi hopes that jungkook will realize he’s changed, that he’s trying to offer up his heart for jungkook to take.
they go their separate ways after they’re done, jungkook thanking yoongi for spending time together, but that he has plans he can’t cancel, and then that’s it. they’re back to how they’ve always been. yoongi worries that he’s messed up, but after a short pep-talk in his bathroom mirror, he accepts that it’s going to take more than one museum trip to get jungkook to see how yoongi feels for him.
while he’s sitting in his room that night, thinking about how he’s going to convince jungkook to go out with him again the next day, there’s a knock on the door. when he cautiously steps into the hall to look through the peep-hole, not expecting guests at the hour, he sees a sleepy jungkook, yawning into the crook of his arm through the fisheye glass. when he opens up, jungkook stumbles in, almost immediately going in for a hug, and once he’s seemingly gotten his fill of physical affection from yoongi, he stumbles off to land face first on the sofa, snuffling in his sleep not even five minutes later.
yoongi wakes up in the middle of the night to the warmth of a human body pressed tight against him. grumbling through his confusion, he twists and turns as subtly as he can, his suspicions of who it is making him want to not scare the person off. he ends up correct, but he doesn’t actually see jungkook’s sleeping form, only feels the words practically pressed against his neck, “don’ make me leave, hyung, i couldn’ sleep and you’re comfy.”
yoongi pulls jungkook a little closer, but doesn’t expect to fall asleep, not with his favorite person curled up against him like a human body pillow. he’s therefore surprised when he wakes up to the sun shining into the room between the curtains, jungkook scrolling on his phone, still tucked up against yoongi’s chest.
“we should go somewhere today, hyung,” he says softly, and yoongi just nods, bewildered and grateful and happy.
—
they putter around the area near their campus, going in and out of shops that catch their attention, eventually straying into a camera store and wasting a full hour just browsing. they get shooed out the door when it’s clear they aren’t buying anything, but yoongi snags a flier on the way out, advertising a photography group nearby that might appease the both of them.
coffee after that leads to discussion of what their plans are after the semester ends, leads to them heading towards the same bar they went to months prior, the one with the open mic night. they’re expecting to have a few drinks and then head out, but by a stroke of luck, they walk in to find they’ve made it just in time for another open mic. jungkook looks giddy, rushing off to add his name to the list, and yoongi takes a spot at the bar, already preparing to have drinks ordered for the two of them when jungkook finishes, wanting to toast his performance.
it’s the first night in a while that jungkook doesn’t come back to yoongi’s apartment when they finish for the night, but it’s okay, yoongi knows he’ll see him soon enough.
—
the day of their project’s submission comes too soon while also taking way too long to arrive.
they’re terrified, having given so much of themselves to their music, the song painting a picture of a love that’s aching to be shared, while learning to accept that it’s bound to stay hidden, and yoongi can’t help but relate. there’s hope, though, inside of yoongi, the hope that their song’s subject doesn’t feel.
he thinks they probably look silly in the final minutes before their professor changes things to allow submissions to happen, but jungkook mentioned the idea and yoongi wasn’t going to say no, so here they are, fingers tangled as they both hold the mouse and move it aimlessly as they wait.
“i don’t know if i’m ready,” jungkook whispers, but yoongi just leans into him, letting their shoulders bump.
“you might not be, but the song is. bun, we made something wonderful and i’m proud of us.”
jungkook gives him a soft smile, then yoongi’s phone buzzes with the timer he set, and then they’re breathing deeply and jointly moving the mouse to the “submit” button. it’s only a few, fumbling clicks later that the file is going off into the void, where it’ll be judged by someone who doesn’t know either of them beyond a surface level, and it’s scary knowing that their intentions may not be conveyed properly, but it also feels freeing to have it out of their control.
it takes longer than yoongi expects for jungkook to pull his hand away, untangling their fingers and pulling away from the computer, but then he’s hit with the realization that he doesn’t know what comes next.
“well, that was terrible,” jungkook jokes, pausing after he finishes giggling to take a deep breath, one yoongi mirrors. “we won’t know how we did for at least a few days, how about we go treat ourselves instead of fretting over something we can’t change?”
yoongi looks him in the eyes and nods in what feels like a daze, because despite knowing their friendship wasn’t going to end after the project was done, he wasn’t expecting jungkook to jump right into the great, big unknown. yoongi’s just glad he’s well-practiced at following him there.
—
they spend the rest of the day planning, letting all of their friends know where they’re headed and that they’ll be back in time for their next classes, and when the sun rises the next morning, they head out to the rental car place near yoongi’s apartment. they’re given the keys to a kinda dumpy car, but it’s a car and that’s what matters. with a turn of the key in the ignition, they start the three hour drive south towards some jazz festival that yoongi suggested. it’s been coming up on his social media feed for weeks, and jungkook mentioned noticing it, too, and without much further thought, that was that.
yoongi’d made a few quick calls before going to bed, having to promise some dog sitting days in return for the favor, but he eventually gets it dealt with: they’re on the guest list, no tickets needed. he’s so proud of himself, feeling the buzz of getting to use his connections to bring the people he loves joy, and when they arrive and pass over the licenses, they get stamped and pointed in the direction of security.
the sun is shining, jungkook keeps brushing against yoongi like he’s going to hold his hand, they can hear music in the distance and smell food on every breath in, and yoongi just knows this is going to be amazing.
he knows this all the way up until they get to the metal detectors and security stops them, saying they’re not allowed in without tickets, and yoongi has to practically beg the burly meathead denying them entry to talk to his own coworker in the box office to get things sorted. the man won’t even admit his mistake, just waves them through once he walks back over, and yoongi just rolls his eyes at the power trip the guy is clearly on.
gathering his wits once they’re inside the festival grounds, yoongi suggests they get some drinks and maybe a snack to share before they head to their seats, and jungkook’s eager nod brings his smile back. after sorting out what they want, yoongi hops in the seemingly never ending beverage line, watching jungkook head over to grab them one of the extra large churros they saw other people carrying around.
it’s not until yoongi finally makes it to the front of the line that things go sideways again: the girl rings in his order, the two drinks get placed on the rubber mat in front of him, then she tells him his total and he almost chokes on his own spit.
“that’ll be 30,000 won.”
thankful he has money saved up, yoongi taps his card against the reader, grabbing the drinks and hastily going to meet back up with jungkook, taking care not to spill the price-gouging mocktails in his hands.
“jesus christ, what a ripoff!” jungkook exclaims when they’re within hearing range of each other, and yoongi thinks he saw the prices for the drinks, isn’t expecting jujngkook to hold up the churro and point at it with a frown. “i swear, this thing better taste like diamonds, considering they’re charging 15,000 won for it.”
yoongi can’t help that his jaw drops, gaping at jungkook as he holds up the drinks and states the price of them in return.
“it’ll be fine, i’m just glad to spend time with you, hyung,” jungkook says, taking his colorful juice from yoongi’s hand and smiling as they head over to the gates leading to the stage.
informing the usher at the top of the row that they’re guest list tickets is honestly the easiest part of the whole process so far, and yoongi can’t help but thank the confused man over and over again before he walks off, just glad that something is going right. jungkook bursts into laughter and when yoongi glares, he cuts off into just giggles which makes yoongi feel better.
they sit down, relaxing and basking in the sunlight, chatting about what they think their peers might’ve created for their projects, when suddenly yoongi is being jabbed in the back by something small and blunt. he lets out a noise, something like pain but mainly indignation, and turns around to see an elderly woman waving the tip of her cane at them. “keep it down, you brats, i didn’t pay to hear you talk.”
yoongi just looks around, confused; there aren’t any musicians onstage, and all around them other patrons are conversing at the same volume, if not louder. yoongi looks back at the woman, apologizing to her and lowering his volume, but they only manage a few more lines of their conversation before she’s poking him even harder, looking furious when he turns to face her once more.
jungkook just sighs, leaning in to whisper to yoongi that they should just wait until after to try having a conversation again, maybe she’ll fuck off in the meantime, and it makes yoongi laugh. he leans in, the temptation to kiss jungkook so overwhelming, but snaps out of his daze at the old woman’s voice, pulling back and hoping jungkook wasn’t able to catch on to what yoongi was doing.
—
four hours pass and yoongi feels devastated.
all but one of the acts was horrible, the sound levels not helping with how they were wildly off on almost every instrument—yoongi will never take a sound tech for granted ever again, not after experiencing hours of eardrum piercing trumpet solos while being barely able to hear the singers or drummers—and highlighting only the worst aspects of the poorly performed songs. the woman behind them ended up talking loudly on her phone throughout most of the show, ignoring the people around her when they asked if she could refrain while the performers were onstage. jungkook’s drink ended up on the ground, soaking into yoongi’s shoe from where some stranger walked too close to the edge of the aisle and pushed it right out of jungkook’s hand. there are mosquitos everywhere and yoongi thinks he might have a bit of sunburn and he’s tempted to just start crying because nothing has gone right.
“i’m so, so, so, so, so sorry jungkook-ah, i swear i didn’t know this was going to be such a disaster, i—” he swallows, taking a big, gulping breath to center himself. “god, you must think my music taste is secretly awful, if this is what you think i’m listening to in my free time. i just—”
jungkook stops him from continuing by pulling yoongi aside, ignoring the people around them who send them dirty looks for breaking through the flow of foot traffic as the crowd leaves the field. “hyung, you don’t need to apologize.” when yoongi tries to interrupt, to contradict that claim, jungkook just speaks over him, the words tinged with the sound of his held-back laughter. “while i would’ve loved to have seen some musicians with actual talent, and not dealt with this hell crowd, or corporate greed, or—” he stops himself, placing his hands on yoongi’s shoulders and moving a little bit closer, close enough that yoongi has to tilt his head back to look at him. “the day was wonderful, yoongi hyung. i know that sounds like a lie, but this kinda thing is about the experience, not perfection.” he smiles and yoongi can feel his own lips quirking up to match. “i got to spend the whole day with my favorite hyung away from the stress of our normal lives, and i’m gonna be honest, that made the whole thing worth it.”
yoongi lets out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding while jungkook spoke, blindsided by just how good jungkook is. it’s not like he hasn’t been aware of this fact for months and months, but this just feels like a whole new level of the happiness and kindness jungkook carries with him.
“god, bun, i wish i could appreciate things like you do.”
jungkook looks at him like he’s grown a second head, scoffing a little before barrelling forward with, “but hyung! you do appreciate the world around you! i’ve seen you go starry eyed over a synthesizer, or how about your passion for experiencing the entire world of wine? that’s something i’m nowhere near brave enough to do, but you’re willing to take the bad just to find the good! and even when you get overwhelmed, you still spend time with your friends because you know they’re good for you and they bring you joy like you bring them joy! and—”
yoongi doesn’t mean to stop giving jungkook’s words his full and complete attention, but his entire world just stops turning, the particles of dust in the air around them seeming to pause in midair, the loud rush of the crowd around them quieting down until it’s all muffled, and all yoongi can see is jungkook, brilliant, beautiful, loving jungkook, with all of his perfection and all of his flaws. his strengths and weaknesses and talent and love and love and love and—
“i love you, oh my god, i love you, bun.”
the words don’t feel like words, not something spoken but instead something intrinsical, breathed out of yoongi’s lungs like air, like they’re something that needs to be said in the way they need to breathe.
yoongi doesn’t let his eyes stray from jungkook’s, not when he’s just spoken the biggest truth he’s ever had, so he can’t miss the fact that jungkook starts tearing up. on one breath, his eyes are suddenly damp, the next there are trails of tears tracing down his cheeks, lovely in a way that yoongi can’t ignore while also making him panic because oh no, he’s messed this up so badly.
reaching out, yoongi ignores what he thinks is his own heart breaking, reaching up to attempt to wipe away the tears, eradicate the reminder of yoongi’s betrayal, the ruin of their friendship. he’s not sure what to say, doesn’t want to backpedal, doesn’t want to take it back, because even if it all falls apart right here and now, jungkook deserves to know he’s loved. there’s no universe where, in this moment, yoongi can pretend like he was lying. he can’t do that to jungkook, can’t burn out his spark like that, not when all yoongi wants is to boost him up and make him happy.
he opens his mouth, ready to say that he’s sorry and that he’ll bottle it back up, won’t let it affect them, will stay away if it makes jungkook comfortable, but he doesn’t get to say anything at all, not when jungkook lets out a soft noise, a whimper, and it makes yoongi snap back to attention.
“really?”
it’s small, full of hope, and when he looks back at yoongi, the tears still a film over his eyes, yoongi can’t ignore the thought that’s anchored in his mind, saying that jungkook is looking at him like yoongi looks at jungkook. he’s looking at yoongi like he’s everything he’s ever wanted, and suddenly yoongi thinks he’s forgotten how to breathe, doesn’t know what to do with all of the emotions filling his body to bursting.
he nods, small and nervous. “how could i not?” he hears jungkook gasp, the sound wet and awed, and it gives him the courage to continue. “i’d move the world for you, jeon jungkook, all you’d have to do is ask.” the words out in the open, they just stand there, and yoongi can’t tell if he’s just lost in this moment or if it’s truly gone silent around them, but it doesn’t matter, can’t matter when jungkook looks at him like that and—
he leans forward and kisses yoongi.
the first press of their lips feels like it short circuits yoongi’s brain, leaving him blissfully lost for a split second before everything crashes back in and he can’t resist the urge to lean in, wrap a hand around the back of jungkook’s neck to keep him close, and kiss back like his life depends on it.
he can only say that things remain chaste for a short while, because jungkook whimpers once more, the sound needy and plaintive, and wraps his arms around yoongi’s neck in return, pressing himself up against yoongi’s front, and opens his mouth to let yoongi in, let his tongue explore the intricacies of jungkook, and yoongi’s not going to turn that offer down, not while he’s alive and breathing.
yoongi only pulls away when the repeated calls of a security guard make their way into his blissfully checked-out mind, dragging him back to reality in a way that would be infuriating if he wasn’t able to look into jungkook’s love-filled eyes and see that this wasn’t the only time they’d ever be this close.
jungkook pecks him on the lips once more before untangling himself from yoongi, apologizing to security for holding them up, the words insincere in a way yoongi has very rarely ever heard from jungkook. grabbing his hand firmly, fingers almost instinctively entwining, he leads yoongi out to the parking lot where their rental sits, calm and ready to carry these two people, so in love, back home.
when they’re finally pulling out from the parking lot, jungkook behind the wheel after he notices that yoongi seems too stunned to focus on driving, yoongi can’t hold back a wild and loud laugh, drawing jungkook’s attention immediately.
“oh my god, bun, people are gonna ask and we’re gonna have to tell them we had our first kiss in such a romantic setting: the worst jazz festival in all of written history.”
jungkook snorts, then apparently gives up on holding in his amusement, bursting into a fit of giggles so strong he has to pull the car over until they stop. before getting back on the road, he leans into yoongi’s space, pressing another soft kiss to yoongi’s lips, then another, then one more before he pulls away, the flush on his cheeks still visible in the car, his lips wet and begging for more, but yoongi refrains, just smiles as the love of his life goes to merge back onto the pavement.
they move along in silence for a bit, and yoongi lets his thoughts drift to what comes next, what comes of the results of their project and their potential passing grade, what comes of their friendships and life post-graduation and their future together, and it’s easy to sit there and realize he can handle whatever the answers end up being, as long as jungkook is there with him.
leaning back against the headrest, yoongi tilts to the side just enough to be able to watch jungkook as he drives, a wide smile still on jungkook’s face, the pink of his cheeks noticeable whenever they pass under a streetlight, and yoongi is happy.
with nothing left to hold him back from his truth, yoongi hums, waiting for jungkook's attention before he puts it all on the line, his voice a whisper in the darkness.
"since we met, all of my songs have been about you."
jungkook lets out a soft gasp, his grip on the steering wheel tightening, but yoongi isn't worried, not when he can see jungkook's smile bloom once more, even more beautiful than before.
he knows they'll be alright.