Chapter Text
1 month later
"That was really good!”
“Ugh,” was all Wylan managed to reply, lying flat on his back on the ice with his limbs spread from him, breathing heavily from exhaustion. “Yes, but at what cost.”Still, he raised his hand to return the high-five Jesper, who was lying next to him, was offering.
“Not my fault we had so little time to work on this choreography,” Jesper chuckled, preventing Wylan from taking his hand away by intertwining their fingers instead, tugging his hand towards him to rest on his chest. “If anything, you should blame Kaz.”
“I’m blaming both of you,” Wylan mumbled, letting his eyes drift close. The cold from the wet ice below him was already creeping through his clothes into his bones, but he didn't care - the last thing he wanted to do right now was find the energy to get up and drag himself off the ice. Besides, he was hot and sweaty and the cold was soothing in just the right way, actually. Like a very large very uncomfortable ice pack to lie on. “‘m just really tired.”
Jesper chuckled and squeezed his hand, but didn‘t protest.
There was silence for a moment, apart from the steady sound of their breathing, both of them too exhausted from having spent hours on this very ice every single day for the past few weeks, muscles aching and brain stuffed to the brink with mental notes of things to keep in mind, a new thing added to it every time they ran through the choreography again.
It was a good kind of exhaustion though, and Wylan was certain of it because he also knew what the opposite felt like. This exhaustion was one that had been worth it, because it had allowed him to spend so much time with Jesper, once again getting to know him in ways he wouldn't have thought still possible after all this time.
Sure, they were still having frequent arguments on the ice, maybe even more so than before - because intimately building a choreography around the two of them was a whole different thing than having one of them stand at the sidelines just to watch.
The difference was that now, they were forced to start to learn how to navigate their arguments, and how to solve or even prevent them too.
Jesper was starting to understand why Wylan flinched away from trying new things because he associated them too heavily with a free opportunity to fail and ruin everything, and he tried to find the right balance between encouraging him and gently guiding his learning process.
In turn, Wylan had become familiar with correctly interpreting that particular look of worry on Jesper's face which meant that he was mentally gnawing at some obstacle he'd unearthed in therapy, and he was getting better at convincing Jesper that it was more productive to take a break and talk it out than to have him spend the rest of the day in two places, never completely focused on one.
And other times, they had arguments where they both came to the silent agreement to solve things between the sheets when they came home at the end of the day - because maybe they'd both just picked an argument for the sake of it, spending the remainder of the training session with the air prickling between them in deliciously hot tension - usually much to Kaz's disapproval.
“Hey, Wy?”
Jesper's thumb was circling the back of his hand in a motion so soothing that Wylan would‘ve been able to actually fall asleep without a problem.
“Mmh?” he made a noise of acknowledgement, keeping his eyes closed, feeling perfectly content where he was despite the hard ground he was lying on.
"So, I've been thinking about something...."
"Uh oh. Should I be concerned?" Wylan blinked one eye open if only to gather Jesper's reaction.
Predictably, it was rather deadpan. "Rude?”
Wylan chuckled and turned his head to the side to properly look at him, using his free arm to pillow it comfortably. "Sorry. What were you thinking?"
“So, um.” Jesper picked an invisible fluff from his training jacket, not quite looking at him. It was a faded blue today, instead of his usual black.
It wasn't the first time his training wear had changed recently, and Wylan was using all his self-control to not comment on it, especially because he knew Inej had noticed it too whenever they crossed paths at the rink. But he had refrained from mentioning it so far because he was almost scared that he'd shy Jesper back into his pitch-black comfort zone if he dared. And he selfishly liked seeing him in colours too much for that.
“You know how if we pay my fine, I could already compete again this season?” Jesper asked.
Wylan squeezed his hand. “Yes?”
Jesper was still looking up at the ceiling instead of at him, almost like in a prayer. “Well I’ve been thinking and…maybe I wouldn’t mind just waiting until the ban runs out the following season anyway.” He pressed his lips together, the expression on his face revealing that he was nervous about the topic.
“Oh," Wylan said softly, not yet wanting to intercept because he could feel that there was more to it.
“Yeah. It’s just…if I decide that I’m going straight into it again like we planned then he’d have to start preparing like, right after this gala thing on Saturday,” Jesper swiftly continued, "And I’m…I’m honestly not sure if I’m ready for that just yet. Like, mentally and stuff?”
Wylan frowned, surprised by the change of mind - but then at the same time, he wasn’t really. Because he was now intimately familiar with what and stuff meant.
It meant the days he greeted Jesper with a steaming coffee mug when he came out of therapy and Wylan could read in his glistening eyes and the tentative, grateful curve of his smile that today, he'd prefer to just take a quiet stroll through the park, hand in hand, instead of doing something active for the rest of the afternoon.
It meant explaining to Kaz why it was just him on the ice today, because he'd left Jesper at home, curled up under his blankets, and it meant having Inej explain to him over video call how to make Jesper's favourite dessert to cheer him up because he'd felt guilty about admitting to him that he wasn't in the right headspace for a date night.
It meant finding the right balance between avoiding the subject and addressing it, in a way that felt comfortable and right and safe for both of them. And even though balance was a thing they'd both worked on since they were children, it was somehow much harder to figure out how to keep it when you stepped off the ice.
"It's just - skating is still the thing I love most in this world,” Jesper continued, an honest certainty in his voice, “which is why I want to make sure if I go back to competing, I'll do it right so I won't crash and burn a second time if that makes sense? And I’m doing so well right now with all my therapy and I feel like I’ve only just really found a good way to navigate all that, and -“
“And you’re scared of messing that up again?” Wylan interrupted, gently squeezing his hand to signal that he understood and he wasn‘t obliged to provide a list of reasons.
“Yeah,” Jesper exhaled like he’d been holding this one in for quite some time, his breath turning into a white cloud of relief in the cold air of the rink. “And I already asked Inej and she said she'd love to skate one more season with you, so…” he quickly added, like he remembered that there was more than one side to this. “Would - would you be okay with that?” When he finally turned his head to look at Wylan, his grey eyes were wide with hope.
Wylan took a moment to reflect on it, not because he necessarily suspected finding a reason to disagree, but because he wanted to give Jesper the most honest reply possible - even if it was hard to think right now, with such a puppy-eyed face in front of him. “Of course. You should do whatever you need.”
Jesper’s shoulders sagged, pressure visibly dropping from him and he rolled over on the ice to properly face him. “Really?"
"Yes,” Wylan reassured him. “I’m not going to tell the very person who constantly has to remind me to be gentle with myself and to take breaks that he shouldn't do the same,” he added with a chuckle. “And I don‘t mind returning that favour.”
“You’re right." Jesper ducked his head, a small, tentative smile on his lips. "And thank you. Saints, I was really nervous to tell you about this," he added more quietly.
Wylan tugged at his hand, almost teasingly. “Why?" he asked, even though he knew that if their roles had been reversed he‘d felt the same way about it.
"I guess I just didn't want you to take it personally,” Jesper admitted, eyebrows knitting. “I love skating with you, believe me, I do," he gestured at the ice surrounding them, to all the scars on the surface they'd left behind in the past hours. "So much. I just -"
"This isn't about us," Wylan interrupted him, nodding. “I know. And I am gonna miss skating with you too, but I get it, don't worry." He smiled in encouragement because he really did. And because they'd both promised each other not to shy away from the ugly any longer, for both of their sakes. Because facing it together instead of alone made the chance of getting through it without any new cuts and bruises just that much higher.
“Good. And it's not like I can't skate at all. I just won't compete. So I can still do galas and festivals and all that fun small stuff with you," Jesper pointed out with a smile, raising their joined hands between them to illustrate his point. "And also, you know. I sort of enjoy coaching you, I came to realise," he winked.
Wylan snorted. "Flatterer much?”
Jesper grinned. "Not without reason." Then he turned serious again like he'd remembered something else. "So...you're okay with this gala thing being our last performance? For the moment, at least? We really don't have to decide this right now, you can give it some thought if you want- "
With a huff, Wylan dragged himself into a sitting position, flakes of snow dropping from his back where his shirt was now clinging to it, wet. Jesper slowly followed suit, though he, of course, looked much more graceful doing it.
At any other moment, Wylan would have made a comment on it that would‘ve most likely ended with Jesper teasing him relentlessly and flexing his muscles just because he knew what it did to him. But now, Wylan had something important to say instead.
"Jes..” Wylan scooted closer to his boyfriend, so their legs and skates tangled in the space between them. The angle was slightly awkward but he reached out to cradle Jesper‘s face in his hands, to make sure he had his undivided attention for what he was about to say next. "I'm not going to change my mind, because I support whatever you decide is best for you," he reassured him, "because I love you."
It was almost impossible to catch all the emotions flickering through Jesper's eyes, like a flash of lightning moving at incredible speed - but if Wylan wasn’t mistaken, he caught hope somewhere in between it all and he was more than happy with the promise of that one. It would make whatever else was connected to it conquerable, so much he‘d learned.
"You...you do?” Jesper asked, voice rough.
“Yeah.” Wylan shrugged and almost felt a giggle escape his lips because really, how could he possibly deny it at this point when it was so obviously entangled in every little thing he did and saw and felt and thought. “And... you don't have to say it back right now if that's more complicated to you because -"
The next word got caught in his throat when Jesper raised a finger to his lips to silence him, a smile slowly spreading over his face. “I really fucking love you too,” he confirmed before leaning in and kissing him to seal the promise.
The angle wasn't very comfortable because of the way they were still sitting with their skates and he was sure that if they kept going one of them would for sure end up toppling over the other, but Wylan wouldn't have wanted this to happen any other place than right here, right here: on the ice, the very thing that was responsible for their paths‘ crossing, which had witnessed every single part of their story, both individually and together.
The ground where Wylan had stumbled and fallen, both for Jesper and because of him, when injuring his ankle.
The place where he'd freed himself from the shackles of his past, unlearning all the beliefs he'd held about himself one step at a time, one twirl after the other - and one mistake after the other, too.
The place where he now felt so at home and so in love and so cared for, where he could kiss his boyfriend and not worry about the future because it wasn't just his future but theirs and they'd figure it out together, in the end. Because ice dancing didn‘t work without a partner and Wylan no longer felt like doing everything on his own was a price.
When their kiss slowed down to a lazy exchange of pecks, Jesper admitted, almost sheepishly "I actually have an idea for what we could use the money for instead.”
Wylan raised an eyebrow, curious. "Oh yeah?" he asked, resting his knee against Jesper‘s in their tangle of limbs.
"Mhm. What do you think…” Jesper’s eyes glittered in excitement and mischief, “…about getting an apartment that's big enough that we don't constantly trip over each other's feet?"
Wylan blinked, not having expected this question although he wasn't really sure what else he'd been waiting for either. "Are you...asking me to move in with you?" he asked, his heart missing a beat at the thought.
"No, we basically already live together," Jesper laughed. "When was the last time you spent more than a few minutes in your apartment? No, I'm asking you," he took Wylan‘s hands into his, almost with a ceremonial air to it. "If you're as ready as me to move out and go live somewhere nicer, somewhere where Kaz isn‘t coming to haunt us.”
"Well, if you put it that way..." Wylan raised his eyebrows, feeling a spark of excitement in his chest, too now that he gave their current living situation some thought and realised how right he was. Despite his best efforts, his apartment was still only just a shell with some spare furniture in it, while Jesper‘s felt like a home actual people lived in - with its collection of soft lamps and hearts drawn with lipstick on the bathroom mirror and coffee mug stains on nightstands. “Yes. I'd love to."
"Great!" Jesper smiled widely and squeezed his hands in excitement, like mentally, he was already apartment hunting.
If Wylan was honest, he actually wouldn‘t be surprised if he found entire Pinterest boards on his phone if he dared to steal it. "I'm kinda gonna miss it though, I'm not gonna lie," he sighed.
"Really? I thought you hated it." Jesper sounded genuinely surprised.
"Well, I mostly didn't like it because there was noise from my upstairs neighbour every night,” Wylan pointedly raised his eyebrows at him because he sometimes still felt haunted by it, though he could now attribute it more accurately to jealousy, “But since I don't have to worry about that any more..."
"You're right, you won't have to worry about that now, but our new neighbours will." Jesper grinned smugly.
"Jes!" Wylan already felt heat rise to his cheeks just imagining it, "I will kill you,” he threatened, even though he was highly aware that he would be equally responsible.
"Relax, I'm kidding," Jesper chuckled, tugging him closer to press a teasing kiss to his cheek. "I'll soundproof the walls if I have to,” he promised.
"You better," Wylan muttered, but this pouting didn't hold for long when Jesper kept peppering kisses over his face until he hauled him in for a proper kiss.
Now truly free from any reason to pretend like he cared if this was a good idea, Wylan rolled on top of Jesper‘s body on the ice, solving the angle problem by simply removing all the remaining space between them. Jesper made a noise of approval, most likely also because the now shared body heat made up for having picked the possibly coldest and most uncomfortable space to make out.
It wasn‘t until they were interrupted by the slam of a door, followed by a rhythmic thumping on the floor that Wylan finally found the motivation to pull back to recognise Kaz walking past the ice, decidedly not looking in their direction.
"If you insist on staying after practice hours, at least actually use the ice for skating instead of just rolling around on it,” he called towards them nonetheless but kept walking like he wasn’t interested in a conversation when there was also the option that he could leave as fast as possible.
"The floor is part of our choreography!" Wylan called after him but Kaz didn't show any signs of hearing it - or feeling the need to respond - because he kept walking until he reached the exit of the arena and was out of earshot.
Wylan looked at his boyfriend. "You're a bad influence on me," he accused him. "I'm talking back at Kaz."
Jesper snorted. "I don't think you needed my help for that, honestly."
He was not wrong about it - by now, Wylan had certainly found himself poking and prodding Kaz more times than he ever planned on, but it had also been rather effective, as it turned out.
The first day he'd come back to the rink after the disaster of a meeting they'd had before the break, Kaz had called him into the office and presented him with the print of a renewed contract, honest up to every detail and clean of all former vagueness.
Wylan wasn't sure if the whole thing was only Kaz or if Inej, who'd kindly read it all out to him, was to credit for it, but he'd appreciated the effort nonetheless. It was about the gesture, above anything else.
Wylan nodded towards the office. "Did you tell him yet? About extending your competition break?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
Jesper’s grin dampened slightly. “Not yet. Will do it after the weekend.” The nervous edge was back in his voice and he shifted his position, skates just barely scratching the surface of the ice they were sitting on.
"How do you think he'll take it?" Wylan asked, using his skate to gently block him from fidgeting too hard.
Jesper shrugged. “Not sure. Inej promised she’ll come with me when I tell him, for moral support.”
Wylan nodded in approval, not only because having Inej as insurance when trying to get something from Kaz was always a wise choice, but also because he knew that she’d been there with Jesper, through the worst phases of it all.
It was a period of Jesper's life Wylan was only slowly learning bits and pieces of, on nights where either of them couldn't sleep and they were lying face to face in bed, sharing their darkest moments and hardest trials until the sun was rising over the harbour, peeking through the window like it was curious to be a part of this new era, too.
"At least for once he can’t tell me I’m making irresponsible decisions.” Jesper's laugh was still a bit too high, too nervous.
"That's true," Wylan had to admit. He sighed. “I guess we'll see,” he said, though he wasn‘t too worried that Kaz would approve. Making Jesper work on getting better had been his idea first. So if anything, he should be proud that his investment had paid off and Jesper was now taking the actions he needed to make sure he stayed healthy and could contribute his part to the team like he was expected to.
But Kaz was still a damper on the happy mood from just a moment ago, so Wylan decided a change of topic was way overdue and he clumsily rolled off Jesper clambered to his feet, brushing the last bits of snow off his legs and sweater. His fingers were slowly turning ice, too.
"Speaking of responsible decisions," he started, "How do you feel about going home, taking a long warm shower and then having the leftover takeout from yesterday?" he asked, holding out a hand.
Jesper grinned and reached for his hand. "I think that sounds great," he agreed, letting himself get pulled up. They quickly helped each other brush away the remaining snow on their clothes, then they headed for the exit of the rink.
They had almost made it there when Jesper suddenly stopped to grab Wylan’s hand, hauling him into a spin with a grin on his face - like he wasn’t ready to let him and this moment go just yet.
Wylan yelped and laughed and rolled his eyes, letting himself get pulled into a messy twirl and dip just for the sake of it, relishing in the enjoyment of having reached the part of his life where the ice could not only be a place of hard work but one to goof off and have fun, too.
"Like this?"
Jesper very clearly had to suppress a laugh when Wylan turned away from the mirror to face him again. "It's still not even, Darling."
Wylan groaned loudly, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "Why is drawing on symmetrical eyeliner so hard?"
"I told you I can do it for you!" Jesper gestured for the black pen but Wylan kept it out of his reach, holding it to his chest almost protectively like he wasn‘t ready to surrender just yet.
"No! I don't want anyone this close to my eyes! What if you poke me?! I have to skate soon!”
Jesper just fondly rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe having to deal with this. It was quite the change of roles since usually he was the one fussing over outfits and makeup until the last minute. “You try again then,” he sighed, giving up. "I'm gonna go find some coffee instead, you want one too?"
Wylan smiled again, the horrors of being stabbed in the eye momentarily forgotten at the promise of coffee to calm his nerves before their performance. “Sure. Thanks.”
Jesper grinned and placed a quick peck on his head before heading for the door of the dressing room, leaving him to his makeup.
Wylan stepped back up to the mirror, determined to try again and succeed this time.
"And Wy," Jesper stopped in the doorframe, already halfway out on the corridor.
Wylan looked up to see him smile.
"You’ll look beautiful with or without it."
With that he disappeared, leaving Wylan to stare at his own flushed face in the mirror in front of him.
His outfit for today's performance was definitely way more out there than any costume he’d worn to a performance before. But Jesper had insisted that it fit their theme and Inej also hadn’t held back with reassurance and gushing about how good he looked in it, so eventually, he had simply agreed to stop them from making him blush so hard.
He was wearing dark, tight-fitting pants and a pale pink frilled shirt that fell loosely over his shoulders. Along the low-cut neckline, there were embroidered blossoms which were so tiny that you could really only see them from up close, but they matched the same ones embroidered on the transparent sleeves of Jesper's dark shirt in black thread.
Wylan would be lying if he said that the fact the sleeves were see-through enough for Jesper‘s cherry blossom ink to be visible didn’t do anything to him, but he tried very hard not to think about it too hard to not distract him from the matter at hand.
Instead, he kept carefully trying to apply the eyeliner while Jesper was gone, moving towards the mirror and stepping back, again and again, to check the symmetry, wiping it off whenever he wasn’t happy with the result.
He’d barely managed to become satisfied with the wing on his left eye when he heard to door to the dressing room open again. He chuckled and turned away from the mirror. "Well that was uncharacteristically fast of you -"
The words got stuck in his throat once he realised it wasn’t his boyfriend who had come back to the room from his coffee trip, but someone else entirely. Someone he hadn’t expected at all and whose presence wasn't sure how to feel about.
The teasing smile slipped right off his face and he slowly lowered the eyeliner pen in his hand until it cluttered onto the vanity table. “Dad?"
"Wylan."
It had been just a little over six months since Wylan had last seen his father in person, and yet the first thing he noticed was that he looked much older than he remembered.
There were now clearly visible grey streaks in his blonde hair which was combed back neatly. The dress shirt he was wearing under a pitch-black suit jacket was buttoned up all the way to the top, no longer leaving the last one popped open for staged casualness like he always used to do for interviews and dinners.
It made Wylan suddenly uncomfortably aware of his own look, and he just barely resisted the urge to immediately fold his arms over his half-exposed chest in self-consciousness. He didn’t want to hide it, because he liked the way he looked - even if the way his father looked him up and down from head to toe clearly stated that the opinion wasn’t shared.
So maybe it was Wylan who'd changed - who'd grown older, more independent. Who now noticed these little details that he hadn't before because he'd been offered the chance to take a step back and take in the big picture - if only to notice that it wasn’t a very pleasant one to begin with and he didn‘t want to keep it around.
Wylan blindly reached for the pen again, clutching it in his hand to give himself something to hold on to after all. “What - what are you doing here?” he demanded to know, proud of himself when there was barely any quiver in his voice.
Jan scoffed. “It’s the annual gala. Of course I am here, where else would I be?”
Wylan swallowed. Right. Sue him for thinking that his father barging into his dressing room after months of radio silence could’ve been about him. He refrained from biting out a comment that more than half of the people currently lounging at their dinner tables outside most likely did not share his impression that he was supposed to be here and he shouldn’t overvalue his presence at this event.
“Right,” Wylan said quietly, subconsciously straightening his shoulders only to drop them again when he realised what he was doing. “Well, is there something you wanted? I have a performance in about fifteen minutes,” he added, trying to imitate some of the tone Kaz always used for meetings, the one that meant this was going to be a conversation about business and business only so you better cut it short and left out any unnecessary emotional additions.
“In fact, I do,” Jan replied. Wylan had to suppress a pleased smirk when his voice took on the exact same tone he’d just used. “I wanted to talk to ask something,” Jan continued.
Wylan raised his eyebrows. “Yes?” This was already more than he’d been prepared for. This wasn’t the usual way conversations with his father worked. It was never his father asking for things. It was always the other person, begging for a minute of his attention, a check in his name, an autograph - or, in Wylan’s case, just the smallest sign of approval.
But here they were, in a small dressing room backstage of a gala, with his father actively seeking him out.
Jan opened his mouth to reply, but before he could answer, the door opened again. It was Jesper this time, pushing the door open with his back because he was holding a steaming coffee mug in each hand. He immediately stopped in his tracks when he spotted the visitor, eyes widening slightly before the grey turned a shade darker than usual. The door fell shut behind him, the snapping sound echoing in the silence.
Jan scoffed, looking Jesper up and down in a manner that made Wylan’s neck prickle with pent-up anger. It wasn’t a look he wasn’t familiar with, it was quite the opposite. But tolerating it on himself was a completely different story than seeing it applied to someone else. Someone he loved.
“Do you mind? We’re kind of in the middle of something here,” Jan asked when nobody said anything, sounding deeply annoyed.
Jesper blinked rapidly, clearly not having expected to return to this scene from his coffee run. He pressed his lips together and the grip on the mugs in his hands tightened. He looked like he was torn between giving Jan a piece of his mind and just straight-up kicking him out of the room.
“Jes, stay,” Wylan quickly ordered, deciding for him - or preventing him from deciding, in this case. Though he would‘ve lied if he said he wouldn‘t have liked to see either of those scenarios play out.
He turned back to his father. “Whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of him,” he announced, folding his arms in front of his chest, defensively. Because I’m going to tell him anyway, he added in his thoughts by narrowing his eyes challengingly at his father when he did so, like to make him understand that this was non-negotiable.
The frown on his father’s face deepened. Clearly, he still didn’t like being challenged. Too bad that Wylan had stopped caring and trying to respect that boundary, and had learned how to honour his own.
“Fine.” Jan turned his attention back towards his son, making it more than obvious that he was only accepting this because he had to and would make his best effort to show how much he disapproved of Wylan’s choice the entire time.
Jesper quietly set down the coffee mugs on the vanity and took a seat on the chair in front of it, crossing his arms in front of himself. There was a storm brewing in his eyes and Wylan could basically feel how much self-control he had to use to keep quiet.
It gave him exactly the kind of confidence push he needed to take up the conversation again. “What did you come here to tell me?” he asked his father. Now that Jesper was back, he was genuinely more curious than frightened about what was to come. Either way, he made sure to keep his expectations as low as possible.
Jan's lip still curled in disapproval but whatever he had come here to say seemed to outweigh his need to express his concerns. “You know how I pride myself on being a bit of a businessman," he started.
A snort was audible from Jesper’s direction. Wylan had to bite his lip to not smile at it, knowing exactly what kind of comment he was wishing he could say out loud since they both had a pretty good referral as to how an actual businessman operated.
Jan generously ignored the little hiccup. “Which is why I came here to make you an offer. I think we can help each other out, Son.”
Wylan almost snorted himself now, instead, he managed to simply raise his eyebrows. He’d spent enough time with Kaz to know that every deal was worth at least hearing out first, but he was stumped as to what kind of offer he'd possibly be presented with now. Though already without having heard it, he was pretty sure that Kaz would’ve made him a better counteroffer on the spot.
“I’m gonna cut straight to the chase here,” his father continued, though the only thing he hadn’t done since entering this room was exactly that. Jan van Eck loved to make a show out of things too much for that and Wylan was starting to lose his patience.
“I will take you back into my team. Starting Monday, we’ll pick the training up again. We'll go back to the training schedule I had planned for you last season. Sign-ups for the next competition are still open.”
The room was so painfully quiet that you could’ve heard a pin drop. Almost ironically, Wylan only tightened the grip on the pen in his hand, like he didn‘t want to lose it, didn‘t want to make the ripples of shock in his chest visible. “I’m sorry, what?”
Jesper took a very audible breath in the corner, but otherwise politely remained quiet.
“Obviously, you’ll compete for Singles again,” Jan continued, looking almost pleased with himself. As always, he didn’t care to check how an audience reacted to anything. “That dancing crap is frankly ridiculous. Doesn‘t have enough hard elements to be considered an actual sport,” he scoffed. “So, what do you say?”
For the first time since he’d reentered the room, Wylan shared a look with Jesper. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for in his eyes. Permission to tear his father’s offer, even if only verbal, to shreds? A reflection of the anger he felt bubbling in his chest at every single one of the words which had left his father’s mouth in the past few minutes? Confirmation that he hadn‘t misheard and this was real?
He wasn’t sure. What Wylan did get, was the warmth in his boyfriend’s eyes reassuring him that he supported whatever Wylan was going to say next - no matter how it would manifest itself.
So Wylan was almost surprised at himself when he felt his entire body turning eerily calm as he placed the eyeliner pen on the vanity, turned to his father and said "No, thank you.”
Jan’s face immediately turned into a displeased frown. This clearly wasn’t the answer he’d expected, the self-assured bastard that he was. He probably hadn’t ever had someone turn down one of these offers because he was used to people worshipping the ground he walked or skated on without questioning it. Except now, Wylan and he were walking on vastly different grounds.
“No? What do you mean, no? Come on, you don't really think you can get up there with these - these resources?" Jan asked, very obviously gesturing in Jesper's direction. “That second place was a lucky strike if anything. You know how these people operate to win."
Wylan wasn’t sure if it was a direct dig at Jesper’s ban or just at the members of his team in general, but either way, it was a ridiculous argument and the simple fact that his father thought it could make him win him over, was enough for Wylan.
If he had learned anything at all in the months they’d spent apart, it was that it wasn’t what you won in the end. It was never about that. It was about how you got there, and if you did it with feet bleeding from exertion and hands trembling with fear, or if you had someone to hold your hand and guide you all the way through, to bandage your cuts and kiss your bruises like the evidence of how hard you tried was something worth worshipping.
"I mean no as in no, I'm not gonna come back,” he said, still surprisingly calm and firm. Not angry, but also - and that was maybe even more important here - not quivering from fear either. “And you know why?" He dared to take a step closer to his father, dared to look him up and down in the same manner he always did to other people, and added “I don't want to come back because you don't care about me. You don‘t even believe in me. You just want to use me as your redemption arc, to clean up your name, and I'm not having that.”
Jan van Eck audibly gasped for air. It looked like the top button of his shirt might pop open after all, with how hard he was clenching his jaw. There were red spots slowly spreading over his neck and face. “Wylan,” he said, appalled, but it didn’t sound like he‘d simply spoken his name, it sounded like he was saying be reasonable. “You don’t really believe -“
But oh, Wylan was being reasonable. In fact, he had probably never been more reasonable in his entire life. “Go find someone else for the job. We're done with each other,” he interrupted him, cooly. "I'm happy where I am now," he added, but it was Jesper he was looking at this time, not his father.
Jesper gave him a soft, encouraging smile, and then he abruptly stood up from his chair and walked to the door.
Wylan watched as he disappeared into the corridor, suddenly confused about having misinterpreted the entire situation. He was just starting to wonder with slight panic where he was going, when Jesper returned to the room, now a tall man dressed in all black behind him - a security guard. Wlyan immediately relaxed a little bit.
“Can you escort him off the premises please?” he addressed the man, pointing at his father. Then he quickly curled his hand into a fist again and let his hand fall at the side to hide how shaky his fingers were, despite how steady his voice had stayed.
Without even asking why, the security guard turned to scrutinise Jan from his head to his feet like to figure out just how high his potential for disturbing the gala rated. Apparently, he came to a very clear conclusion, because he ordered “Sir, I must ask you to follow me, please. You are not authorised to be in here."
Jan scoffed, visibly gasping for air. “Excuse me? I will leave when I see it fit!” The angry red blotches were now quickly spreading over his neck. “How dare you -“
Without even blinking, the guard pressed a hand to his black earpiece. “Team? We have a number four in the dressing rooms -“
"Alright, alright, fine." Jan raised his hands in defence, though the scowl on his face made it clear that he still thought this was ridiculous and was only complying because everyone in the room knew this would only get more humiliating for him if he didn’t. "I'll leave," he spat.
Wylan flinched a little and then quickly brushed a strand of hair behind his ear, hoping to cover it up with the gesture. He was not about to lose this fight which had been twenty years in the making over the last few meters. Funnily enough, stamina was a thing he’d first learned from his father. He‘d just never expected to use it against him.
Instead of directly following the guard, Jan kept lingering in the door. "If you change your mind, give me a call,” he said to Wylan, though the anger on his face made it clear that it went way over his pride to beg. "Or you know where to find me."
Watching his father get escorted out of his dressing room, suddenly all Wylan felt was sad. Not because he most likely wouldn’t see him again, for a long time if not ever. That part was rather a relief. But because, despite everything, he would’ve wished for this conversation to end in a place where neither of them had to be forcefully taken away from each other. And yet here they were. “Bye, Dad."
As soon as the door fell shut, Jesper was at Wylan‘s side, offering his arms but not yet fully reaching out, like he wanted to make sure it was a welcome gesture first. “You okay?" he asked, worry written all over his face, more prominent now that he allowed himself to show his unguarded reaction.
"Yeah," Wylan breathed out, even though his heart was still pounding in his chest and his hands were shaking when he happily accepted the offered hug. "I think I actually am?" he was surprised to find it true as he sank into the welcoming comfort of his boyfriend's embrace. “I guess I needed that."
"For closure?" Jesper's voice was muffled against his curls as he soothingly ran his hand up and down Wylan's back.
Wylan nodded, as good as it was possible in their current position. "Yeah. Like, I've waited for months that one day I'll run into him and I was scared of that moment but now that it's actually happened -" He pulled back slightly so he could properly look at Jesper, "I realised I don't have anything to be scared of because he's a coward and I couldn't care less about his opinion. He didn't deserve all the time I spent worrying about it, that was stupid.”
“Well, he’s definitely a coward,” Jesper agreed. “That much became very obvious just now. But also, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for worrying about it. Not with the way he always treated you.”
“I guess you’re right,” Wylan sighed, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, thoughtfully. Maybe one day, he‘d be able to see this as true, too. He was hopeful that he would, even if now wasn‘t the time for it yet.
Jesper kept rubbing soothing circles into his back. "By the way," he said after a moment, bringing their heads closer together, "That was the sexiest thing you've ever done," he whispered in Wylan’s ear, sounding smug.
Wylan didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or roll his eyes, so he did both. “You find it sexy that I gave a bitter old man a well-deserved rejection?” he asked, lifting his head to stare at him.
Jesper chuckled. “No. I find it sexy..." his thumb caressed Wylan’s cheekbone, brushing away a strand of hair, "...that you stood up for yourself."
"Oh." Wylan blushed, but not because he was flustered - well, that too - but because it made his chest swell with pride.
There were so many things he suddenly wanted to say. I'm pretty sure you've taught me that, for example.
And, thank you for letting me fight this battle myself. Because as glad as he had been to have Jesper in the room for emotional support, he knew this was a war he had to fight on his own, if he ever wanted to properly get rid of those demons for good.
And he knew that Jesper knew that without him spelling it out, which somehow made it feel even more important.
"Jes -" Wylan started, voice filled with tenderness, but Jesper placed a finger on his lips, shushing him.
"I hate to say this, and I promise we can continue this conversation later, but -" Jesper smiled sheepishly, "We should really go, we're supposed to be on the ice in a few minutes."
“Oh.” Wylan flushed. Right. For a moment, he’d completely forgotten that they still had a performance to do. For some reason, he was way calmer about it now than he had been before. Almost like standing up to your father who’d abused you for the bigger part of your life made everything else, like performing in front of the most important people of this sport, look really easy.
“Let’s go then!” he agreed, tugging Jesper towards the door.
“One second,” Jesper interrupted, holding him back.
Wylan watched in confusion, then realisation as he walked over to the vanity, picked up the abandoned eyeliner pen and came back to him. “Close your eyes.”
This time, Wylan didn’t flinch away when Jesper used one hand to raise his chin up, and the other to draw on the missing line on his right eyelid which fluttered close just in time.
“There.” Once he was done, Jesper stepped back to look him up and down for a last-minute outfit check and sighed. “Saints, I can’t wait to get you out of these clothes afterwards."
Wylan rapidly blinked and blushed. He knew that Jesper was most likely just trying to distract him so it would be easier for him to shift his thoughts away from the unpleasant encounter with his father back the their performance, but it still made him flush.
"Focus!" he scolded, unable to suppress a chuckle which took all the sternness out of his voice immediately. He grabbed his boyfriend's hand, dragging him out of the door.
"I'm trying!" Jesper whined, tugging at his hand as they rounded the corner to the entrance of the rink which was hidden at the far back of the arena.
Wylan’s laugh echoed off the walls as they hurried along. “You‘re ridiculous.”
The ice was cold under Wylan’s body as he lay there, curled up on his side. He could barely see towards the edge of the rink, the rest of his surroundings plunged into darkness. The only light was coming from the two spotlights directed onto the ice, one on him and one on Jesper beside him, as well as a few little lights, most likely from phone flashlights, all around the rink. They glistened like stars in the darkness and Wylan couldn’t help but feel a little less alone, a little less scared.
He was facing away from Jesper who was lying next to him, so he couldn’t see his face right now, but Wylan still felt his warmth beside him - or at least he thought he could. In the security it gave him, Wylan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and counted down the piano notes at the start of their song - one, two, three, four, five, six -
He rolled over on the ice to face Jesper, reaching for his hand.
All along it was a fever
Jesper grabbed his hand, using it to pull himself into his direction, sliding on his knees over the ice until he was hovering right above him. His eyes were sparkling in the spotlight and even though the story of their choreography required for them to stay serious, Wylan could see the joy (and the cheekiness) in them - there just for him.
A cold sweat, hot headed believer
Feeling his heart warm in his chest, Wylan let Jesper slip his arms under his waist, lifting him off the ice like a phoenix rising from the ashes, with his arms spread out at the sides like wings. But he didn’t stop once they were both standing. Instead, Jesper's hands shifted to his waist, lifting him into the air, higher and higher until he was really flying, like a bird in the night sky.
I threw my hands in the air, and said, "Show me something"
Raised high up like this, Wylan could see more of the little flashlights, like the stars on an unclouded night. And as Jesper slowly turned them around, it wasn’t hard to imagine that they really were standing under a sky full of stars - a special one, made just for them. A sky weaved out of the shy threads of possibility, sewn together by the promise of fresh chances glowing fiercely on the new horizon of a promised morning.
He said, "If you dare, come a little closer"
Jesper slowly lowered Wylan in his arms until their faces were so close that it would’ve only needed for one of them to reach out to turn it into a kiss. But they still had the rest of their routine to get through, so Wylan more or less voluntarily extracted himself from Jesper’s arms and started skating away.
'Round and around and around and around we go
Jesper chased after him, echoing his steps, each of his movements, twirls and twists until he stopped with his hands outstretched, and Wylan kept going, alone, feeling the wind play with the loose fabric of his shirt, making it flutter around his chest almost like the remnants of wings.
Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know
When Wylan stopped and turned his head around, Jesper was already looking in his direction from further away. They stared at each other from opposite ends of the rink, chests moving in synced breathing, arms stretched out to grip nothing and everything at the same time, an invisible string tying their wrists together in the distance, tugging and twisting against all resistance.
Not really sure how to feel about it
At the same time, they started skating towards each other, fast and faster until they would’ve crashed into each other if Wylan hadn’t taken a turn to the right and Jesper a turn to the left at the last moment so they were circling each other instead, close but not yet touching. Wary but incapable of pulling away, of letting go, of giving in.
Something in the way you move
Finally, Jesper reached out to touch Wylan’s face, to cradle his jaw to guide him as they kept circling around each other, closer and closer until they almost turned into one, spinning so close that their skates were touching at the ends, that one wrong step would’ve made both of them trip and fall.
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
Wylan closed his eyes as they came to a stop, more on instinct than practice, leaning into the tenderness of the touch, letting his chin get tilted up in surrender and devotion, turning into wax under the warmth of his hand, his guidance.
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay
They slowed down until they were just standing there, staring at each other, breathing heavily. Then, Wylan placed his hands on Jesper’s shoulders and slowly ran them down his arms, over the transparent fabric that shimmered in the glow of the spotlights, until he could reach for his hands.
It's not much of a life you're living
On the same beat, they lifted their hands so their palms were resting flat against each other between them, almost like they were facing a mirror, trying to chase their own reflection. Slowly their fingers curled around each other, intertwined until they were all tangled up, like a thread interwoven to withstand even the strongest force trying to tear it apart, because it wasn’t just connected at a single point but at many more, too. An unbreakable bond.
It's not just something you take, it's given
Jesper unlaced one of their hands to place his left hand on Wylan’s waist instead, using it to drop him into a low dip, almost like the final pose of a dance. In turn, Wylan wrapped one of his legs around Jesper’s to steady himself.
Round and around and around and around we go
Slowly, Jesper made them turn where they were standing, so they were starting to spin in the pose, Wylan being unafraid of leaning into the temptation of gravity knowing Jesper would real him back in if needed.
Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know
They twirled around on the ice, Jesper holding him steadily as Wylan’s body spun around his, almost like a moth to the flame, scared of leaving its flame behind even if it meant getting to spread its wings eventually, a devotion that was written in the stars, that was a law of nature.
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Finally, Jesper hauled him back in from the dip and Wylan placed both of his feet on the ice again so they could move together until they were waltzing around the ice, a one-two-three to the sound of their mingled breaths, a four-five-six of all the questions yet left to be answered.
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
With a final twist, Jesper released Wylan and sent him spinning off away from him, continuing his path alone across the ice, exposed in the middle of the single flashlight following him through the darkness.
And I want you to stay
Wylan twizzled his way to the other end of the rink, then slowly curled up into himself mid-spin, until he was hovering just above the floor, knees tucked to his chest and arms wrapped around himself protectively, like a baby bird in the shuddering aftermath of his first flight, shaking both with fear and possibility.
Ooh, the reason I hold on
On the other end of the ice, Jesper launched into a series of elements, launching from one turn into the other like it was nothing, bending his body to the cradle of the music like he was trying to fight against invisible restraints holding him back, containing him to this little corner of the ice he‘d carved out for himself.
Ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone
When Wylan uncurled himself to stand up, Jesper had come to a stop, standing with his shoulders straight and his face raised towards their sky full of stars like he was looking for an answer, for praise, defiance and hunger at the same time.
Well, funny you're the broken one
And then, Wylan was running. He started skating, faster and faster until his skates were barely touching the ground anymore, until he was more flying than skating, until it felt like the air was carrying him towards his only goal, was gently pushing him into the flight of courage. But he didn’t need the extra push, because he was sure of his goal. Because he would’ve accepted running into an open fire, crashing straight into the sun, chasing its warmth and somehow trusting it not to burn him.
But I'm the only one who needed saving
And he was trusting Jesper’s arms to catch him when he jumped, when he curled his entire body around Jesper’s, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, holding onto him like to a solid rock in a storm.
'Cause when you never see the light
It's hard to know which one of us is caving
And Jesper did. Catch him, that was. And he kept holding him and spinning them both around, as if he wasn’t supporting the weight of two people rather than one. As if when their bodies crashed it wasn’t like two stars were colliding, as if there weren’t galaxies shifting in the sky, growing and expanding, their borders reaching into the unknown. But like they were one star, which was already called home.
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Wylan felt dizzy when his feet touched the ground again. Not from spinning for too long, but because his heart felt too big for his chest, its beats echoing along with the music like the sound of wings flapping, carrying it up towards the sky where it would stay, remembered only as a constellation, a scar on the firmament.
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
Only reluctantly, they skated away from each other again, keeping eye contact over their shoulders to make sure the other one was still there and didn‘t move too far away, didn‘t surrender to the temptation of running away. Then, they both turned to face each other again, coming back to meet in the middle of the ice.
It takes me all the way
And as they once again sliddered to their knees on the ice in sync, it was as if they collapsed both in prayer and in worship, in confession and surrender.
I want you to stay, stay
Wylan curled himself up on the ice, facing Jesper this time, hand reaching out. And Jesper, sitting next to him, took it, fingers slowly curling around his, intertwining them, holding on. There was a smile on both of their faces, one that stayed while they waited for the last notes of the song to echo away.
One that lasted for a heartbeat, then two -
There was a hurricane of applause, cutting through the silence as the lights turned back on and the sky of flashlights disappeared.
Jesper just barely waited until Wylan had clambered back to his feet before he hauled him into a hug, arms secured around his waist and holding on tight like he didn’t plan on letting go any time soon. Wylan wrapped his own arms around his neck like he'd done so multiple times throughout their routine, with the difference that now, he didn't have to think about letting go to move on to the next step in the choreography again. Now, there was no next step, now, there was only this.
Now, he could savour this moment of their breaths mingling in the little space between them, could let all the love and affection for the man in front of him he felt so deeply pour out of him.
And their faces were close, oh so close - and Wylan didn't know who moved first, but neither of them hesitated to connect their lips in a searing kiss, a promise to seal, over and over again.
I want you to stay, forever, Wylan thought and he put that promise into the kiss, that vow into the way he cradled Jesper’s face in his hands, and the steady flame of his love in his heart.
The audience roared loud and louder around them, clapping and cheering, some even whistling. There was the shuttering noise of cameras going off, picture after picture taken.
Normally, Wylan might've felt uncomfortable about it, about being the centre of attention, especially in a moment that felt so intimate, so truly theirs. But right now, he could only smile against Jesper‘s lips, it was like his body was incapable of doing anything else.
Right now, he could only kiss and hug and hold onto Jesper because there was only them, clutching each other on their own little piece of ice, their safe haven in a sea so turbulent and stormy - like a home.
On the Magic of Second Chances and the Pressures of Following a Legacy
45th Annual Gala of the International Figure Skating League
Written by Maitje de Vries, Sports International
The gala held by the International Figure Skating League in Ketterdam is known for being glamorous and full of surprises each year, as it once again proved last night. Between champagne flutes and sponsoring talks, many talented figure skaters from around the world truly proved to us that they do not only know how to shine on the ice when it counts.
But after minutes of standing ovations in the second half of the night, the audience was clearly in agreement there was one particularly outstanding performance. No eyes stayed dry after the special performance by Wylan van Eck and Jesper Fahey, an ice dance duo from the team of Kaz Brekker (Kerch).
If the name van Eck rings any bells, then for good reason. Earlier this year, Wylan van Eck scored a fabulous 2nd place at the International Figure Skating Championships in Fjerda, where he competed in the Ice Dance category together with his dance partner Inej Ghafa. The placement of the two former solo skaters in the category was a big surprise as they shook up the scoreboard with a breathtaking Free Dance, catapulting them directly into overnight fame, as one would say.
It does, on the other hand, not surprise that this has raised more questions and speculations regarding the reason for Wylan van Eck’s departure from his father’s team, Jan van Eck, earlier in the year, given that there has barely been a few days without his name appearing in the papers online during the past few months. So far, van Eck Junior has yet to issue a statement regarding the situation.
According to multiple eyewitnesses and a few videos, Jan van Eck was seen being escorted off the gala grounds earlier in the night, though this has yet to be confirmed in an official statement by the Figure Skating League. Rumours about an anonymous vote regarding van Eck’s exclusion from the league have surfaced again and again over the past few weeks, whether they will actually be put into motion is yet out in the open.
But even without confirmation, it seems rather obvious even to the amateur spectator that Wylan van Eck Junior seems to have found his happy place in his new team - not only with Inej Ghafa, but also with Jesper Fahey, himself an experienced ice dancer. After last night’s performance, it quite seems like in each other, they both found their perfect companion for a well-deserved second chance, leading to a successful comeback for Fahey, who was missing from this year's competition due to his ban (see this article for more coverage on the story).
But not only on the ice they seem to be a good match, also in their private life. Multiple curious fans and ice skating followers have already wondering about the particular nature of their relationship on social media, but after last night’s magical performance, crowned by a kiss in the end, there wasn’t much left to speculate on the matter.
“I’ve been skating my whole life, but Jesper has taught me some things I hadn't ever gotten the chance to learn without him” , is the only thing we managed to get out of van Eck on the matter before he disappeared into the crowds of the after show celebrations with Fahey right beside him.
According to a statement issued by team leader Kaz Brekker this morning, van Eck is set to once again compete alongside Inej Ghafa in Ice Dance next season. Skate fans all over the world are already excited to see if the duo will manage to beat Fjerda's Nina Zenik and Matthias Helvar this time, who have been leading the ranking of the Ice Dance Figure Skating competitions for a full three years now.
For now, we’re excited to follow van Eck Junior’s journey in the world of figure skating, alongside partner Jesper Fahey. What the future looks like for the two of them, is something which will have to stay a mystery for now - we guess time will tell, and although they are clearly very protective of their privacy, we will for sure see them at the next competition together.
Five years later
There were soft hands gently playing with the few loose curls sticking out from under the duvet. "Rise and shine, love."
"No!" Wylan muttered, voice sleep drunken. "It's my birthday," he whined, desperately clinging to the covers and trying to shake the hand off by disappearing further under the duvet. "I'm old now, please let me sleep in."
Jesper snorted, but to Wylan's surprise, he refrained from commenting how he was still by far the youngest in their team.
“You can sleep again later," Jesper promised, now nudging his knee under the covers. "But I have to leave soon and I want to give you something first."
"You can give it to me later," Wylan insisted, still keeping his eyes close, hoping if he remained in his fetus position for long enough he could force his way into falling back asleep. "Tell Mr Janssen he should stop scheduling your sessions so early in the morning."
"It's nearly eleven thirty,” Jesper deadpanned.
"Exactly."
The room was silent for a moment and Wylan relaxed again, happy that his boyfriend had apparently taken the hint and left him alone. Then, his foggy, half-asleep brain suddenly realised that silence and Jesper was never a combination to be trusted. Because usually, it could only mean that he had some kind of mischievous plan -
Wylan blinked his eyes open just in time to realise that a twenty-three-inch tall bundle of fluff was leaping right at his face.
"Jes!" he yelled, but it was already too late as his body was forcefully pressed into the mattress by said furry menace and his face was being licked by something warm and wet. "Get. Your. Dog. Off of me!"
"She's your dog too, Wy." There was way too much smugness in Jesper's voice and when Wylan was finally able to push the huge dog nose far enough down his face that he was able to see again, he was presented with an equally smug smile.
"Not when she does this!" Wylan whined, desperately trying to grasp at limbs to push away despite his restrained freedom to move around. "Noora, no! Down girl!"
Of course, it took until Jesper finally took mercy on him and told Noora to back off for her to actually release Wylan and stop slobbering all over his face.
The annoying thing was that Wylan couldn't even blame her for being biased towards obeying Jesper better - it was true that he was the one who spent most of his time with her, given that he took her for long walks whenever he felt like he needed to calm his mind late at night when he couldn't sleep or in the early morning even before sunrise. Wylan was more than okay with sharing Jesper with her for that reason because he knew how good it was for him to have someone to give him company in those moments and him more sleep.
Or well, he approved of their tight bond apart from conspiracies against him, like this one clearly was.
Wylan wiped his face, muttering in disapproval that his plans for sleeping in on his birthday had been so violently crushed - and that the one who was to blame for it was too adorable to actually scold for it.
"So now that you're awake anyway...Can I give you my gift?" Jesper asked, looking a mix between amused and smug since he'd gotten his way after all.
"Fine, you may." Disgruntled, Wylan dragged himself into an upright position, still wiping at his face. Noora plopped down right next to him, clearly not feeling guilty at all.
A big, white box appeared in front of Wylan's sleepy eyes.
"What is this?" he asked, yawning loudly despite his sudden curiosity as he reached for it. It weighed heavily in his hands so he quickly lowered it into his lap, gently pushing Noora's equally curious nose out of the way so he wouldn’t hurt her by accident.
Jesper shrugged. "Open it and you'll find out," he ordered, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, eyes sparkling in excitement as he watched him.
Wylan did as he was instructed and removed first the big lid, placing it on the mattress beside him, then he started to unfold the equally white tissue paper. He realised what the gift was just by touch before he’d removed all of it - because if there was one object he would always be able to identify even blindfolded and asleep, it would be a pair of skates.
So it was only when he uncovered them fully that he realised that yes, it was a pair of skates - but not just some skates. Carefully, he lifted one of them out of the box, his eyes widening when he could look at it more closely.
The skate was made from white leather, with equally white laces which had some golden thread weaved into them. But the most stunning part of it was the embroidery along the outer side of it - a thin branch of orange Jurda flowers, curling from the side of the toes up to the ankle support.
“Ghezen, they - they’re incredible.” In awe, Wylan noticed that there were gold flecks stitched into the Jurda blossoms too, almost looking like dew drops glowing in the morning sun.
“Do you like them?”
"Jes!” Wylan ran his finger over the detailed embroidery, still in disbelief. Then, his head snapped up to glare at his boyfriend in shock. “You're not supposed to spend money on unnecessary things!" he scolded, having held enough skates in his hands throughout his life to judge which ones were expensive and which ones weren't - and these definitely looked like they belonged in the former category.
"Surprising my boyfriend for his birthday is not an unnecessary thing. In fact, it's very necessary," Jesper protested, unable to hide the smile on his face at his reaction, “Because a Gold Medalist deserves the best skates there are. You can’t wear your trophy on the ice!”
“It’s both of our trophy,” Wylan huffed fondly, eyes flickering towards the shelf on the wall, to the golden trophy which had found a new home there just a few shy months ago, both of their names engraved onto it like a promise.
“Besides,” Jesper continued, ignoring his comment, “saving up for them meant having a very good reason not to go back to the tables, so,” he added softly.
Wylan swallowed around a lump in his throat, suddenly having a hard time fighting back tears.
It wasn't the first time he was getting skates for his birthday. When he was younger, he'd almost always found a new pair under the presents his father got for him - useful presents, all of them. Presents that came with an expectation, a clear plan which was meticulously thought out for him.
Skates that were pretty, sure. But not a single one of those had made him tear up at the sight like the ones he was holding in his hand now. It wasn’t just that they were pretty. It was the fact that there was so much of Jesper in them - in the flowers of his childhood, in the glittering gold of their shared victory and in the lasting promise of this gift.
"For how long have you been planning to give them to me?" Wylan asked, deeply touched and slightly amazed that his boyfriend had been able to keep a secret like this for so long. He would definitely have to grill Inej about this later.
"Like, six months?" Jesper shrugged.
Wylan shook his head. "How did you even get them? I mean, when?” He ran his thumb over the Jurda flowers, tracing along their pattern. They were very clearly Zemeni-made, given the delicate accuracy of the embroidery. He couldn’t think of a single place in Kerch where you could get something even nearly close to this, with so much love and care and joy weaved into it.
"I had Da ship them over for me," Jesper explained. "Ordered them for customisation the last time I went there to visit him.”
Wylan swallowed, still feeling overcome with a boatload of emotions as he carefully placed the skates back into the box, covering them with tissue paper again before he closed the lid and placed the box on the floor beside the bed.
Then he reached for his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his neck to draw him in for a kiss. "Thank you, I love them so much." Another kiss, more lingering this time, “And I love you."
Jesper was quite possibly beaming. “I’m so glad." He pressed a kiss to his head before bringing their foreheads to rest against each other. “Happy birthday, Wy,” he whispered softly.
Wylan closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in their shared proximity and enjoying how overall full his heart felt for the person in his arms.
As if having heard his thoughts and feeling betrayed by them, something warm and soft nudged his leg. He pulled away from Jesper to watch their dog trying to wrangle herself in the little space between their bodies.
"Noora!" he chuckled, amused, “Hey there, aren't your dads already showing you enough love today?" he chuckled, ruffling her head.
Noora just kept whining and wagging her tail. As always, the sheer size of her was in stark contrast to her behaviour.
Wylan was pretty much convinced that she wasn’t at all aware of how much she’d grown since they’d taken her home after a trip to visit Matthias’ family with Nina. He could still remember like it was yesterday how Jesper had fallen head over heels in love with the little puppy - just a handful of white and silver fluff at that point, clumsily falling over her own feet - and had threatened to break up with Wylan if he didn’t let him take her home immediately.
Of course, Wylan had neither the strength nor the willingness to resist the little face either. Inej had been just as quick to fall in love with the new addition to their little family once they’d safely brought her to Ketterdam, while Kaz, to nobody’s surprise, had taken more time to warm up to her. But the fact that he was now letting her stay on a special blanket in his office whenever Wylan and Jesper were at the rink was all the proof they needed that secretly, he enjoyed having her around just as much.
"She's truly getting too big to sleep on the bed," Wylan sighed, scratching Noora behind her ear, “I guess the good thing is that at least you can't hog the blankets anymore, because she makes sure none of us can move at all.”
"Oh come on, I'm not that bad, Wy,” Jesper protested.
"Yes you are," Wylan simply huffed. "and I don't get why you do it anyway, you're always warm." As if to illustrate his point, he moved to cuddle into Jesper’s chest, wrapping both of his arms around him until he was holding onto him like a koala bear.
“I see how it is, now you don’t want me to go?” Jesper concluded, amused. “I thought you were doing just fine without me.”
Wylan just whined as a reply, trying his best to copy Noora’s puppy face.
But Jesper just rolled his eyes. "Go back to sleep,” he ordered, placing a kiss on his head and then untangling Wylan’s grip from his body and nudging him to lie down again. “I’ll make you breakfast for lunch when I get back." He added another kiss and pulled the duvet up to cover him. "And a really nice dinner tonight." With that promise, he crawled off the bed to finally leave, not without giving Noora a final pat on the head first.
Wylan yawned and lazily waved after him, his body now suddenly remembering that yes, he still wanted to return to the gentle cradle of unconsciousness to avoid thinking about the fact that another year had passed without just as much as the blink of an eye. Shuddering at the thought, he curled up under the covers again, dragging them up to his nose.
Noora followed his example and curled up beside him on Jesper’s empty side of the bed, resting her head on her paws, eyes already closed contently, quickly turning into a shapeless pile of fluff.
Wylan grinned at the sight and draped some of the duvet over her too, letting her share the warmth the covers provided.
Yes, life was passing by so fast it sometimes made his head spin, but overall, he couldn’t have been happier than he was right now. He was twenty-five, had a nice and quiet apartment overlooking the harbour, a partner he could rely on, on and off the ice, a dog that was adorable enough to forgive all the chaos she created daily, and a group of friends that frequently went out of their way to show him how much they cared about him.
And he didn't know it yet, but in a few hours, he would be surprised by all of them for dinner, by Inej, Kaz, Nina, Matthias - and even Kuwei, because they'd slowly grown more fond of each other over the years. And they'd eat Jesper’s delicious food and play charades and laugh when Noora kept confusing Kaz's cane with a stick, always bringing it back to him. And he'd feel happy and loved and content with the little family he had carved out for himself.
And in a year and a half, he'd ask Inej if she knew any nice jewellery stores in Ketterdam that would make rings in Jesper's style and she would freak out on him and then claim the Maid of Honor role on the spot. Also, she would help him pick out a ring and hide it for him.
In three years, he'd slip another ring above the engagement ring he'd chosen, marrying the love of his life on a remote shore off the Fjerdan coast. And he'd kiss his new husband under the cheerful applause of their closest friends, the early spring wind playing with a single cherry blossom in his hair.
In ten years, he'd hold the gloved hands of a little girl as she took her first careful steps on the ice, with bright eyes full of curiosity and wonder. And he'd kiss her cold nose in fondness and pride when she still giggled in joy even after falling on her butt, and he'd smile at his husband who was filming the entire thing from the side of the rink, together with Auntie Inej.
In twenty-three years, he'd give his mother's music box to his only daughter for her eighteenth birthday, the day before he had to watch her board a plane to Ravka to follow her dreams, chin held high and dark eyes fierce, sure of her path in ways he never would have dreamed off at that age. And he'd lean back against his husband's chest, still as warm and safe as ever, hoping that he'd done everything right to make life less of a slippery slope and more of an exciting ride for her.
But for now, he simply curled up under the sheets and welcomed a few more hours of sleep with open arms while he waited for his boyfriend to return. For now, he was happy to slip back into the soothing unconsciousness of his dreams, because it was the softest landing there was. And because he wasn't afraid to take a leap any longer - he'd learned that sometimes, it was more than worth a try.