Chapter Text
“I would choose you in every lifetime.” ~ j.b.
(The Bela ending)
That night you dream of Bela. Unlike before, where your past flashed before you in bursts, you dream this time of the future. You dream of possibility.
You moved closer to Bela and her work, while you freelance your own art and dabble in artwork restoration. Your house is modest, for a Dimitrescu heart surgeon, littered in photos of you two, and your art work across the house.
Bela ensures you have a fire place, and she takes great pleasure in lighting in, while you read out any surgical notes she has to review. She claims she remembers better when it’s the sound of your voice, you think it’s more in the way you hum in appreciation at her work. Books adorn the walls, in high book cases. Stories of endurance, of love that ascends boundaries. Stories of patience.
Eva visits every second week, in your dreams, she’s ten, rapidly growing to your height, and as inquisitive as she’s always been. She’s taken with Bela, often spending time asking Bela questions upon questions about work. Even though she doesn’t call Bela mom, you watch fondly as she seeks her out for comfort and advice, sometimes before she seeks for you.
Your heart swells when you hear Eva excitedly declare “Aunt Cass and aunt Dani are here!!” And can’t help but smile when Bela puts a protective arm around Eva’s shoulders when Alcina inquires about Eva’s interests in the arts.
Life is peaceful, and you’re settled in a way that you haven’t been before. You come home, to a loving, strong woman, who would do absolutely anything for you.
When you wake, you know exactly what you have to do.
~
When you drove to Dani’s, you weren’t sure what you were expecting really, or what you were even going for. Yet, here you were, parked in her driveway, staring at the house while you sat with your thoughts.
Two very distinct paths were ahead of you. Bela Dimitrecu, and Donna Beneviento. Anyone would be lucky to have them, to experience the way they love, and you were paralyzed with the choice ahead of you. Dani had always been able to give you advice, good advice, and was always honest. However, could you real ask for advice on her own sister? That felt low, even for you.
You didn’t get much time to contemplate it, because Dani was knocking on your window, a beaming smile on her face. You practically jumped out of your skin at the sight of her, how did she even get there?
The slow, glide down of the window doesn’t deter the woman’s grin even a little, and you can’t help but match it. Ever the optimist, Daniela would always make you smile.
“What’s up dude? You never show up without a heads up!”
How did ‘I’m so, terribly in love with your sister, and your aunt, and I’ve no idea what to do’ sound?
Terrible, it sounded absolutely terrible.
You open your mouth, but no sound comes out, and you’re left opening and closing it, similarly to a fish.
Dani smiles, almost knowingly. There’s a twinkle in her eye that makes you uneasy. Surely she doesn’t know? Surely.
“You know what? Actually just come inside, we can have a little chat there. Okay?”
You can only bring yourself to simply nod, barely remembering to lock the car behind you, as you follow Dani into the house.
~
If you imagined a skate shrine but refined to an adult taste, that was Dani’s house. Skate boarding trophies lined the shelves, all gold, of course. Alongside this, were several mounted, broken boards that Dani held particular attachment. Underneath were little title cards, holding names like ‘first ever break’ ‘skateboard used in first competition’ ‘First board Bela bought me’
Your eyes stuck on her name, the sound and feel of it rolling around your mind with a pleasant buzz. You wonder how old they were when Bela had bought her the board, if they practised together, how much sentiment the broken board actually carried with it.
Photos littered the living room, some of you, Angie and Dani. Others of Family - stuffy family photos taken professionally, contrasting silly selfies Cassandra had managed to wrangle Bela and Dani into. It was lived in, in the best way possible, and it screamed ‘Daniela Dimitrescu’
“So. I’ve a strong feeling why you’re here.”
Dani is watching you, with an inquisitive look on her face. She’s practically staring through you as you shuffle around awkwardly.
“You are in love with my sister.”
You choke, spluttering out nonsensical ‘what’ and ‘how do you know that’ stammering over every single syllable. The FBI should seriously consider hiring Danny for the detective work she’d pulled out of nowhere.
“I-maybe, how did you even know that?”
Dani simply snorts, hopping over the back end of her couch, to crash down into the middle of it.
“My sister, as much as I love her, is not an easy woman to make happy. However, one visit from you? She’s practically skipping out of the hospital and smiling more than I’ve seen in the last ten years. I also know you, and the way you’re squirming right now is a clear sign you love her too.”
You can feel the blush claw its way up your cheeks, burning at your ears and neck. Was it that obvious? From one visit and one visit alone? You knew you loved Bela, in ways that triumphed through reset after reset, but to be so obvious to Dani from seeing you together once? That wasn’t expected.
Dani grins, no hint of smugness or gloating in her expression.
“Does that…bother you?” You ask hesitantly, knowing how strong her feelings on her family were back in college, how much it made her feel inadequate.
“No, no nothing like that.” Dani chucked, waving you off with a shake of her hand. “It makes me happy actually…to know she’s with you.”
If only she knew, how long Bela had been with you, how long you carried memories of her deep in your bones.
“I don’t…I don’t know if i'm right for your sister Dani. I’m scared.”
Dani sighs softly, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you into a tight side squeeze. She holds you, for a few moments, before releasing and looking directly into your eyes.
“Bela is smart, and she protects herself and everyone around her - probably more than she needs to. If she felt you weren’t right, she wouldn’t be letting you in.”
Your eyes water at the thought, Bela trusts you. That’s a lot to say for a woman who just gained full control of her heart back. Can you even repay that honour? That absolute blessing?
“Just me on this okay dude? If you weren’t right for her, Bela would know that. She’s the wisest woman I’ve ever met - my mother included.”
You can only nod, hugging your knees to your chest. What were you going to do?
~
You dream again. Different this time around , with the same vein of domesticity. This time you’ve adopted a little girl, alongside a now eleven year old Eva. She’s four, with eyes so similar to Bela’s you’d swear they were the same in the right light. She clings to Bela like her life depends on it, cooing up at your wife (if the ring on her finger is any indicator), with big adoring eyes. Bela looks at her like she hung the moon in the sky.
Eva is just as bad, constantly doting on her new baby sister like a new mother. Always wanting to play, and help prepare meals. She takes great pride in telling everyone that will listen, that her sister is the smartest little girl around.
You see yourself, Bela, and your little girls, all on the couch watching animated movies that make your daughters giggle until they can’t breathe. Bela smiles, it shines in her face and crinkles at the corners of her eyes - she’s happy, happier than she’s ever been, and it’s with the family you created together.
When you wake, in Dani’s guest bedroom, you wake with a start, and the alarming knowledge that you finally, finally know what to do - and the unpleasant conversation that needs to happen first.
You hoped you were strong enough.
~
When you get to Donna Beneviento’s house, it’s as if the weather around you knows about the conversation about to occur. The sky is overcast, and a thin sheen of mist covers the roads up to her house.
Angie isn’t standing guard outside today, in fact you can’t see her car anywhere on the premises at all. Instead, almost the exact second you’re out of the car and walking up to the door, it swings open. A solemn looking Donna stands just a few steps behind the door.
“Dolcezza” Donna greets softly, attempting to smile, but all that appears is a slight wobble in her lips. She ushers you inside, touch lingering on your arm as she guides you in. You can feel the warmth of her touch through your clothes and it makes you shiver.
You sit at the kitchen table, Donna busying herself with making tea for you both, while you jitter with nerves in your seat.
“I know why you’re here.” Donna says simply, the air of finality in her tone creating a tense atmosphere in the room. “And I want…no, I need a chance to just speak, say my peace. Please.”
Well. That leaves entirely no room for argument, and you know that you owe her that at the very least.
She gently sets a cup of tea in front of you, black with honey, and you hyper focus on the way the steam twists and curls in the air - it calms you, even momentarily.
“I know why you’re here, and that is to tell me you’ve chosen Bela Dimitrescu.”
You wish the ground would open up beneath your chair and swallow you whole. Donna’s voice hardens on Bela’s name, a certain level of malice bleeding into the words that you’ve never heard from Donna before. It makes you scared.
“Bela Dimitrescu won’t offer you - no she can’t offer you what I can Tesoro. I love you.”
Donna’s hands collide with the table, fingers balling into tight fists, clenching and unclenching over and over. You expected her to be upset, but this? This is anger. Not necessarily directed at you, but not anger nonetheless.
“I love you and Bela Dimitrescu thinks she can just take you from me-“
She breaks off into a string of Italian curses. Vehement, hisses of Bela’s name roll of Donna’s tongue between curses, and you can only shift uncomfortably in your chair while she continues on her tirade.
“I would become any kind of person you needed, if you wanted me to. I’d kill for you, I would die for you. Tesoro, do you really believe Bela could love you the way I do?” Donna scoffs.
“Donna-“
“And really who does she think she is? To try to get between us. Stay with me Dolcezza, stay with me as you are, stay with me entirely and I will love you as such-”
“Donna please-“
“Don’t return to her, please. Don’t let her take you away from me, not when I just got you back. I won’t let that bitch-“
“Enough!” You finally yell, startling both yourself and Donna. You speak, before really thinking, the words spewing out of you before you’ve a chance to stop them.
“You will not speak about her that way. No one will speak about her that way, do you hear me?” You snap, before sighing, hands reaching up to run circles into your temple. “Donna I’m sorry, I-“
Donna raises her hand to silence you. Her expression is blank.
“Don’t” she says quietly, “I know when I’ve lost Tesoro, and I’ve lost you.”
Your heart breaks a little at how forlorn her voice sounds. Defeated, and meek.
“It’s not that I don’t love you.” You try to explain, but Donna smiles sadly at this. Her eyes are filled with tears she refuses to let spill over, with a shaky intake of breath, she meets your eyes, for what may be one of the last times.
“You just love her more.” She finishes, “just know I love you. Even if it wasn’t enough, I will always love you. I will hold you in my thoughts, with hurt, and longing but forever the deepest love I can carry.”
Donna stands, brushing her hands off her trousers, before offering her hand to you. You take it, relishing in the way her skin feels in yours, and she hoists you up with ease. She presses a gentle kiss to your knuckles.
“I fear I’ll spend the rest of my years trying not to need you, but for now, in this moment, I’m letting go. I’m letting you go.”
You’re pulled into a swift hug, Donna inhaling you for what you now know is the last time. She holds you tightly, and squeezes with everything she has. It makes you ache in the best way possible.
“If she ever hurts you, or if you ever change your mind - I’m never too far. You’ll always have a home with me, you’ll always be allowed to come home to me.”
You stand there, in her arms, for what simultaneously feels like an eternity, and like no time at all. You know, you cannot see Donna again after this. You can’t come back, to break her heart again. It would be cruel, and you’re unsure if either of your souls could take the weight.
When you leave, you don’t look behind you.
~
The hospital is the same as when you were last there, bustling with patients, interns, nurses and doctors. People rush past you, charts in hand, saying words you can barely understand. Medical jargon, and codes, fill your ears, as you pace the reception.
You know she was discharged, and you know she’s working again. Is it as simple as walking up and requesting her? Do you need to hunt her down?
You find yourself in front of a nurse, sitting behind a desk in reception. The name ‘Adelina’ is printed on a plain white name badge that pops against the bright pink scrubs she’s wearing. She barely looks away from her keyboard to address you, with all the energy you’d expect from a woman working the reception shift at 7pm.
“Can I help you, miss?”
“Oh! Yes! I’m looking for Doctor Dimitrescu? Um- Bela Dimitrescu, though I doubt there’s just multiple doctor Dimitrescu’s floating around-“
“Doctor Dimitrescu is on call presently, and is quite busy. Can I ask what is the nature of this visit?”
Well fuck. You highly doubted a love confession would be very high up on the list of what this woman would feel as important enough to interrupt a doctor on call.
You whip your wallet out of your pocket, and produce your licence with a flourish. Adelina looks at it, with all the disdain she seems to be able to muster.
“This is me, and I’m her girlfriend, and I just really need to speak to her right now.”
Adelina remains thoroughly unimpressed. She types on the keyboard in front of her for a moment, and her eyes skim the screen with the efficiency of a seasoned professional. She looks at you, bored.
“There is no partner listed on Dr. Dimitrescu’s file, and therefore, you will not be able to speak to her at this time. Thank you.”
The monotone of her voice was seriously beginning to irk you.
“So…what can I do?”
For the first time, of this whole interaction, Adelina smiles.
“You can wait three hours until Dr. Dimitrescu’s shift is over.”
God damn it.
So, you waited. You waited the whole three hours, watching people slowly trickle in and out of the hospital doors. Women with children, injuries from sports, the old and the young. Everyone you could imagine came in and out of those doors.
Adelina glanced at you sparingly, but when she did, she did so with a little smirk that made your blood boil. Either this woman took great joy in doing her job, or she enjoyed the power trip she’d received from making you wait three hours in the lobby.
You wonder how many of the incoming patients are Bela’s patients, how she’d smile reassuringly at everyone she had to deal with. You thought about gentle hands giving sutures, and wrapping bandages. You imagined her like the kind of doctor who’d give lollipops to children, and praising how brave they were when they got their bloods taken. The image made your heart fuzzy.
Eventually, you saw the sudden appearance of blonde hair, tied neatly back, reminiscent of her way she had her hair on the day of the student council election. Her expression strictly meant business, and she was walking and discussing a chart to a short intern who was borderline jogging trying to keep up with the blonde’s strides.
“-and the patient in 12C, she can be cranky in the mornings so make sure you arrive after breakfast, not before, otherwise she won’t let you touch her.
“Yes doctor.”
“Then when you check on the child in 14A, you’ve to bring the lollipops from reception as she’s very nervous with the needles and rewards are the best way to help her relax after.
“Yes doctor.”
“Then-” Bela begins, then stops entirely when she finally catches sight of you. Her shoulders visibly relax, and a small smile threatens to appear on her stern ‘work’ facade. Bela hands the intern the chart with a wave away of her hand, watching as the intern practically scampers away with a firm nod - then, she twists on her heel, beaming as she finally takes you in properly. She walks towards you with a quickness, an eager bounce in her step until she stops before you.
“Hello.” She breathes, face flushed with what appears to be the beginnings of a blush blooming on her cheeks. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Her scrubs are navy, hidden underneath the long white coat she’s wearing. A hospital badge, “Dr. Dimitrescu, Head of Cardiology.” The photo on the tag is of a slightly younger Bela, the same blank expression you associate with a time when she held very little control over how she felt things. She looks professional, and you fight the urge to tug her toward you by the stethoscope hanging around her neck.
“I couldn’t wait.” You answer honestly, a wave of bravery washing over you. You know what you want, and she’s standing right in front of you. All you need to do is say the words.
“Bela, do you remember asking me to give you a fighting chance? I couldn’t, because giving you a fighting chance implied that anyone else had a chance at all.”
Bela smiles wide now, unrestrained joy breaking out on her face that creates a pleasant ache in your chest. You want her to feel this way forever, you’ll do anything you can to make that happen.
“When I remembered first, I remembered you. I remembered the good, and the bad, and I knew that I wanted you just as much as I did then if not more. There’s a you-shaped hole in my heart, and I refuse to let it go vacant any longer. If you’ll have me, if you still want me, I want to spend the rest of my life figuring this out with you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
You’re lifted off your feet before you can react, swept into Bela’s arms with a force that makes you squeal. She’s kissing you, like her life depends on it, but she cannot stop smiling despite it all.
“I love you.” She murmurs against your lips, “I love you so much.”
For the first time, since remembering, since knowing everything, you actually feel complete. Here, in Bela’s arms, you don’t think you’d change a thing.
~
“Mom, we need to go!”
Eva’s voice echoes from the hallway. You can picture her now, a stern face very much like her mothers (and funnily enough, at times she looks just like Bela), with her arms folded. Her backpack will be on the floor beside her, foot tapping away impatiently.
Adriana, your other daughter, will be desperately trying to mimic Eva’s body language, scowling up the stairs with her eyebrows pinched tightly together. Her own backpack will be firmly on her back, too excited to put it down.
“Don’t rush your mother, girls!” Bela calls out from the kitchen, she has a later start today, and she’d gotten up early to make everyone breakfast. Always in a routine, always wanting to help her family have the best start to the day.
“Yeah! What she said!”
Your defence is weak, but it makes Bela snort, and that brings you all the satisfaction you need. When you finally appear at the top of the stairs, Eva sighs in relief. She reminds you of Bela this way, forever needing to be early, to be on time in her own mind.
Adriana grins up at you, her front teeth missing, with a recent visit from the tooth fairy. Bela took great delight in slipping the money under her pillow. As she looks up at you, she fails to see Bela approaching from behind, and screams when Bela scoops her up into her arms with a ‘boo!’
Adriana wiggles and squirms in her grasp, but all attempts are futile as Bela swings the girl around in slow, gentle circles.
“Mama put me down!”
Bela positively lights up, still, everytime she hears it. ‘Mama’. It makes your wife smile every time, without fail.
Eva turns, a menacing smile on her face as she begins to tickle Adriana mercilessly. All signs of sternness instantly evaporated.
You take a final look in the mirror, before heading downstairs. You’re finally showing signs of aging, post the removal of the Cadou.
Getting your former wife to tell you how the process really worked was hard, and getting her to tell you how to take it out was even harder. She failed to see why you’d want to give up immortality, didn’t get why you wanted to grow old with Bela, but eventually she relented. A soft spot for you, still existing somewhere in the corners of Miranda’s mind.
However, Bela refused to let Miranda do the procedure herself. She said she knew all too well how Miranda’s experiments go, and she’d rather outlive you, than have you suffer under Miranda’s hand. Bela never met a challenge she wouldn’t face head on.
She did it, successfully and somehow with minimal scarring. Bela claimed it was the hardest surgery she’d ever have to do, and the only one she’d do repeatedly if it meant having you by her side.
You skip down the stairs, pressing a kiss to your wife’s cheek and furrowing your daughters hair, making them groan loudly.
“C’mon little losers, we gotta get you to school.”
Your children sprint out to the car, bickering about who sits where, despite Adriana’s car seat being where it always is, and where she always wants it. Right behind Bela’s seat.
“We make a pretty good team, you know.” You hum, smiling softly as you feel Bela’s arms circle your waist. She presses a soft kiss to your neck, before resting her chin on your shoulder.
“The best team.” She affirms, “the only team I ever wanna be on.”
“You softie.” You chuckle, relishing in the way her arms tighten around you.
“Let’s get going.”
So you bring your children to school, and drive with a smile, knowing that you finally have what you’ve always wanted. Bela by your side, and the future stretching on for miles.