Chapter Text
It’s around 6:30 in the evening when Yaebin and Matthew call it a day, the siblings making a promise that they would hang out again before Yaebin goes back to Canada.
Matthew walks back to the Yuehua dorms alone with a smile on his face, happy that he got to spend some time with his beloved older sister.
As he walks through the busy streets of Seoul, his phone buzzes in his pocket and he fishes it out to see a message from Hanbin. He opens the notification and ponders after reading the message.
binnie 🐹❤️
seokmae, can we meet today?
binnie 🐹❤️
i would like to spend some time with you
binnie 🐹❤️
as a way to make it up to you
binnie 🐹❤️
and hopefully, as a date?
binnie 🐹❤️
only if you want to, of course! i’m not going to force you if you don’t want to go!
He thinks about it for a while. Is he ready to talk to Hanbin? Does he want to? After a few minutes, he finally decides to go for it. He wants this relationship to work and relationships won’t work if they don’t talk.
seokmae 🦊💕
sure, hyung ☺️
binnie 🐹❤️
really?!?!
Matthew lets out a small laugh, he can see Hanbin’s surprised face from here.
seokmae 🦊💕
yes really, dummy
binnie 🐹❤️
okay! let’s meet at mom’s café, is that alright with you?
seokmae 🦊💕
yup! i haven’t seen auntie in a while too ^^
binnie 🐹❤️
okay! see you around 8:00?
seokmae 🦊💕
sure, see ya!
binnie 🐹❤️
🤍
Matthew smiles as he shuts his phone off and pockets it, his heart feeling slightly lighter at how comfortable their conversation felt.
Maybe we’ll be okay.
After spending some time going around a nearby mall, Matthew takes a cab to the café Hanbin’s mother owns.
He shoots Hanbin a text saying that he’s on his way and quickly clicks away from their chatroom, not waiting for a response as he knows Hanbin still has his shift today.
He replies to some of his friends who have texted him since the elimination and others who were asking to meet up soon.
haruTOE 🦶
matthew!! smile more, OKAY?
haruTOE 🦶
don’t forget me when you’re all famous okay 🤨⁉️
woongki boy 🥰🥰
hey if hanbin ever pulls some bs
woongki boy 🥰🥰
seowon and i will be there 🤺🤺
takuto 💖
matthew-hyung, thank u for taking care of me! 💖
takuto 💖
i’ll cheer for you!!!!!! 💪💪💪💪💪
Matthew smiles at the messages and when he looks up, he finds himself nearing the café. He quickly pulls out his wallet and fishes out some money to give to the cab driver when he gets off. He thanks the driver and wishes him a safe drive before exiting the cab.
He walks towards the café, a smile on his face as he sees Hanbin by the window, sitting down. Before he can run over, he notices a girl sitting across from Hanbin. He stops in his tracks as he takes a moment to see if he can recognize the girl. He can’t.
He watches in confusion then in horror when the girl reaches her hand out towards Hanbin’s face and cups it. He quickly turns around and runs away. He doesn’t see Hanbin flinching away from the girl then turning towards his direction when he sees something abruptly move in his peripheral view.
Matthew continues to run even if he hears Hanbin calling out for his name. He absolutely refuses to look back, not wanting to listen to what Hanbin has to say. Tears flow down his cheeks freely, heart shattering as the image of Hanbin and that girl stays in his mind.
Hanbin eventually loses sight of Matthew and he sighs out of relief. He lets out a sob as he runs over to a nearby bench, questioning his entire relationship with Hanbin. He pulls out his phone when he feels it buzz in his back pocket. Through his blurry eyesight, he can see Hanbin’s name flashing on his phone, trying to call him. A surge of anger washes over his being and he accepts the call.
“Seokmae-”
“Fuck off, I hate you! You fucking cheater ! Don’t ever contact me again!” He angrily yells, cutting Hanbin off.
“Please, it’s not what you think, I promise. I would never cheat on you. Seokmae, please.” Hanbin begs over the phone. It’s obvious to Matthew that he’s still running around looking for him and also crying, but he no longer cares.
“Fuck you.” Matthew seethes before ending the call. He pockets his phone again and lets out a shaky sigh, looking up at the night sky. He tries to think where it went wrong, what did he do to deserve this, if he did Hanbin any wrong. When he doesn’t get an answer from himself, another wave of sadness washes over him.
He stands up and chooses to just walk back home, afraid that he would just break down crying in a cab with the driver judging him. He walks for a few minutes and soon recognizes the buildings up ahead, he remembers this as where he and Hanbin had their first official date. He feels himself tear up so he looks down, glancing at the traffic lights to know if it’s okay to walk or not. He takes a few shaky deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.
He sees the people around him walk so he walks as well. He walks a bit too slowly, not noticing that the traffic lights have turned red already. He fails to notice the car speeding towards him. He hears someone call out his name and then he’s been pushed to the ground.
Matthew looks up and is surprised to see Hanbin on top of him. Hanbin’s gaze is at a passing car and Matthew’s gaze follows the car as well, realization settling deep inside him. I almost died .
Hanbin looks back at him and he stares back, still not believing what’s happening. Hanbin pushes himself up and grabs onto Matthew’s hands to lift him up. He pulls Matthew into a tight embrace and the younger tries to pull away, his previous anger and sadness coming back to him at full force. He tries to push and kick Hanbin away but his attempts are futile.
“Seokmae, Seokmae! Please, listen to me.” Hanbin pleads but Matthew shakes his head. “Don’t fucking call me that!” He screams out in anger.
Matthew knows that it hurts, knows that him rejecting and denying Hanbin’s nickname for him will hurt as he has never rejected it.
“Matthew!” Hanbin tries again. “I’m begging you, please listen.”
“Listen to what, hyung?! That you’re cheating on me?! That you’re seeing someone else behind my back?! What am I supposed to listen to?!” He yells, finally able to push Hanbin away from him. He can see the pain in Hanbin’s eyes as he pushes him away.
“No, no! Matthew, that’s not what happened!” Hanbin frantically explains, trying to grab onto the younger. When Hanbin is able to hold onto him, Matthew shakes his head and continues pushing and lightly punching Hanbin away.
“Don’t make excuses! You’re cheating on me!” He yells, anger and pain evident in his voice. All Matthew can think about is letting Hanbin know how much the older has hurt him, thinking about letting the other experience the pain he’s feeling right now.
Hanbin doesn’t say anything, he instead tries to hold onto Matthew tightly, not letting the other get away. They stay like that for a few minutes before Matthew grows tired and gives up. The fight in Matthew dies down and all there is left is pain that makes the younger let out loud sobs.
Hanbin pulls Matthew closer to him, holding the other’s head close to his chest. Tears stream down his face as he listens to the sobs that escape Matthew.
“I’m not cheating on you, I could never. I love you and only you. There is no one else for me. I promise. Let me explain everything, please.” Hanbin pleads. Matthew sniffles before nodding then shaking his head.
“Please, I need you to believe me.” Hanbin begs, gently pulling Matthew away from him. Matthew finally looks Hanbin in the eye and his resolve breaks.
“I don’t want to lose you, hyung.” Matthew whispers before breaking out into sobs again.
Matthew feels Hanbin caress the back of his head, a way Hanbin calms him down all the time. He wishes everything wasn’t real, nothing I saw was real , he prays. He hopes someone can hear his prayers.
binnie 🐹❤️
okay! see you around 8:00?
seokmae 🦊💕
sure, see ya!
binnie 🐹❤️
🤍
Hanbin smiles as he pockets his phone, a warm feeling settling inside him as he thinks everything between him and Matthew will be better now. He allows himself to bask in the nice feeling of thinking everything will be okay now. After a few minutes, he leaves the staff room and proceeds to get to work, Matthew on his mind.
As he’s working on orders, his mother approaches him. “Hanbin-ah, are you sure Matthew won’t be sleeping over at our house?” His mother asks, half curious and half worried at Matthew’s decision.
Hanbin weakly smiles up at his mom before looking back down at the work in progress drink. “Yeah, we were dealing with things and Matthew wanted some space. Don’t worry though! He’s actually coming over tonight so we can talk it out.” He answers, hopefully reassuring his mother.
“Well, I hope you two do work things out, I already miss him! Oh, my sweet Matthew!” She sighs rather dramatically, Hanbin thinks as he laughs. “You love him more than your own son! I feel betrayed!” He whines. His mother shoots him a pointed look, “Of course I do! He’s just so lovely and listens well! Unlike someone..”
“Mom!”
Hanbin is giddy as he continues working on orders. It’s almost their agreed meetup time and he absolutely cannot wait to spend some time with Matthew. While finishing up an order, one of their part-timers walks up to him.
“Hyung, someone is looking for you.” The part-timer says. Hanbin looks up, eyebrows furrowing. “Where?” The part-timer points over to a girl sitting down by the door. The girl isn’t looking towards them but rather outside the window, so Hanbin can’t tell who it is.
“Okay, can you serve this order?” Hanbin asks and the part-timer nods his head. He frowns as he walks over to the girl. He stands beside the girl and calls out to her, “You were calling for me, Miss?”
The girl turns towards him and Hanbin’s heart positively drops . The girl smiles that it makes Hanbin want to throw up. “Sit down, Bin-ah.” She says.
“No, I don’t want to talk to you.” Hanbin croaks out, throat closing up. He turns to leave but the girl grabs his wrist and stops him. “Sit down, Hanbin.” She insists. Hanbin sighs. “If I sit down, will you stop trying to contact or find me?” He asks. “Yes.” She responds and Hanbin sits down across from her.
“What do you want, Nari?” He asks, venom in his voice as he speaks the name. Cho Nari, his school’s pride. Top of her class, cheer captain, lead vocalist of the school choir. Hanbin’s ex-girlfriend, the ex girlfriend who cheated on him.
“I want to get back together.” She says, smiling. Hanbin scoffs. “In your dreams, Nari.”
“Oh? But we were so perfect together.” Nari tries and Hanbin shuts her down. “You cheated on me, why would I get back with you? God, I even think you’re only here again because I’m on TV. You always wanted a famous boyfriend, didn’t you? That’s why you cheated on me with the school’s basketball captain.” Hanbin says.
“Hanbin, I’m sorry. I regret what I did, I really do. I love you so much, Hanbin. Please believe me.” Nari says, reaching her hand towards his face, cupping it and he is immediately disgusted by it. He slaps her arm away and then he sees something abruptly move from his peripheral view. When he looks towards his left, his heart drops.
Matthew.
He immediately stands up, quickly telling Nari to simply fuck off. He throws his apron off, leaving it behind on the seat he was sitting on and runs out of the café, running after Matthew.
Hanbin and Matthew are now at the Yuehua dorms, the two of them sitting in front of the other on the bed in Matthew’s room.
“Will you let me explain?” Hanbin gently asks and Matthew’s tired, tired of pushing Hanbin away so he just gives up. “Fine.”
Hanbin takes a deep breath and speaks. “That was my ex-girlfriend. I’ve told you about her, remember? She’s the one who cheated on me with our school’s basketball captain while we were still dating.”
Matthew’s eyes widen at recognition. The girl didn’t look familiar but Hanbin had told him about her before early on into the friendship, a bit before they started to date. “She wanted to get back together with me, of course I didn’t want to. You probably saw her touching my face, but please know that I slapped her away immediately, I can even show you cctv footage to prove it to you.”
“I would never cheat on you, Seokmae. I love you so much, you’re the only one for me, I promise. I wanted to use tonight as an opportunity to start making it up to you for not being there for you and for neglecting you during the show. I’m still so genuinely sorry for that, by the way. Please, if you would let me, I would like to fix all my mistakes.” Hanbin pleads, holding onto Matthew’s hands.
Tears flow down Matthew’s cheeks as he listens to Hanbin. He feels all tension in his body wash away and feels himself relax more when Hanbin says that he hasn’t been cheating and that he wanted to fix things. Call him a fool but he doesn’t care, he loves Hanbin too much as well. “Okay, I’ll give you another chance. I’m sorry too for thinking you cheated on me.” He says and he sees Hanbin’s eyes light up with joy, his heart flutters at the sight.
“Oh, thank you, Seokmae.” Hanbin practically sobs, pulling Matthew into a tight hug. “I thought I lost you.” He whispers, still crying. Matthew says nothing in return. They stay in that position for a while, not noticing the door open and close again.
On the other side of the door, Kuanjui and Hao are standing outside their room.
“I’m happy for Matthew-ah.” Kuanjui tells Hao as they head back to their own room for the night. Hao hums, feeling the same. He knows that he’s also part of the reason why Matthew’s been feeling down for a while and notes to make it up to him for the rest of his life, as he will do the same to Kuanjui.
“Say, how about I take you out on another date tomorrow?” Hao asks as they sit down on the bed. Kuanjui turns to Hao and smiles. “Sure, I would love that.” Hao smiles back and is just completely smitten at how beautiful the other looks when he smiles.
I’ll make sure you never lose that smile of yours.
When Matthew woke up, his body felt like it had been hit by a truck. He groans, stretching out his limbs and then he freezes when he feels a body other than his right next to him. He looks up and sees Hanbin smiling down on him. Matthew sees the adoration in Hanbin’s eyes and his cheeks start to flush into a shade of red. He turns away from Hanbin, hoping the other didn’t catch the redness of his face.
“Good morning, Seokmae-ah.” Hanbin greets, taking Matthew’s chin into his fingers and pulling it to get Matthew to look at him. The younger’s eyes don’t meet his and he chuckles. He pushes away some strands of Matthew’s hair to get a better look at the other. Matthew curiously looks up and Hanbin smiles. He leans down and presses a kiss on Matthew’s forehead, causing Matthew to blush even harder than earlier.
Hanbin let out a small laugh at the redness of Matthew’s face, cupping the younger’s face with his two hands. Matthew shyly looks up at Hanbin again and their eyes meet, not breaking eye contact with one another. They know they have a lot to talk about, a lot to clear up but, that could wait just a bit longer.
“How about I whip us up some breakfast? I’ll even make some for the others.” Hanbin suggests, caressing Matthew’s cheeks with his thumb. Matthew smiles and nods, liking the sound of that. “I’ll go with you!” He enthusiastically says and Hanbin just smiles as he moves the two of them to get out of bed.
When Zhang Hao wakes up, his gaze immediately lands on a mop of platinum blonde hair. He properly looks down on Kuanjui and smiles, he couldn’t be more in love right now. His breathing was soft, eyes closed so gently, lips just slightly parted, eyelashes curled beautifully, and the sunlight hitting his figure made it look as if he were an angel.
He spends about ten minutes just staring down at the younger, appreciating his features when he hears three knocks on the door before it gently opens. When he looks up to see who it was, he sees Matthew poke his head in.
“Ah, Hao-hyung, breakfast is ready, come and get it when Rui-hyung wakes up.” Matthew says before leaving and shutting the door behind him. Hao vaguely hears Matthew walk down the hall to what he assumes to be Ollie’s room.
Hao looks back down at Kuanjui and moves his hand to gently caress the younger’s face in an attempt to wake him up. After a minute passes by, he decides to call the other.
“Rui-yah, wake up.” He whispers gently into Kuanjui’s ear. He continues to call for Kuanjui until the younger actually wakes up.
His eyes flutter open, adjusting to the sunlight hitting his face.“Stupid sunlight.” He grumbles, burying himself under the blanket, and Hao just laughs. Kuanjui pulls the blanket away from his face looks up at Hao and flashes him a small smile, still a bit too sleepy to actually say anything.
“Matthew came in earlier and said breakfast was ready, let’s get up when you’re more awake, okay?” Kuanjui hums, agreeing to whatever Hao said but the older doubts the Kuanjui was properly listening though, he doesn’t pay it any mind.
They lay there on Hao’s bed for a minute or two before Kuanjui stretches his limbs after feeling it go slightly numb from lack of use.
Kuanjui sits up and stretches one last time before looking back at Hao and smiles. “Good morning.” He greets and Hao swears his day couldn’t go wrong after that. He sits up and moves closer to Kuanjui, “Good morning too. Ready?” He asks and Kuanjui nods, both of them moving out of bed.
They quickly shuffle out of the room and to the dining room where they could see Hanbin and Matthew eating and talking to one another. The couple pauses for a while to greet the other two and they do the same. There’s an awkward tension in the air, mainly between Hanbin and Kuanjui then Matthew and Zhang Hao.
Kuanjui and Hao quietly put some food on their plate that was left on the table and sits across from Matthew and Hanbin. The four of them don’t speak at all, the awkward tension still there. Kuanjui is sick of it.
“Okay, this isn’t going to work out. Let’s have a talk soon, the four of us. Hanbin and Matthew, talk about whatever you guys have to talk about with one another before coming to approach us. We need to clear some things up and fix whatever this is.” Kuanjui says, deciding to be the braver person. Hanbin stiffly nods then Matthew and Hao follow suit.
Hao thinks that he is grateful for his Yuehuaz kids now more than ever because Ollie and Yujin come crashing into the dining room — literally. The two of them crash into a wall and foreheads hitting each other with Yunseo following behind them, just shaking his head at the two younger ones and Gyuvin, who rushes over to both Ollie and Yujin, fussing over their foreheads and checking to see if there are any marks. Ollie and Yujin tell him off by collectively yelling — We are not kids!
Gyuvin doesn’t pay them any mind about that statement.
Hao assumes that Seungeon is with Jeonghyeon and Ricky is with Jiwoong and Seowon, so he doesn’t bother asking about their whereabouts.
Breakfast goes by with a more lighthearted atmosphere now that the four of them were accompanied by the other Yuehuaz.
“Rui-hyung and Hao-hyung are going on a date.” Hanbin announces as he walks into Matthew’s, technically Yujin’s, room. Matthew was sitting on the bed, scrolling on his phone when Hanbin walked in. He puts down his phone and looks up at Hanbin. “That’s good for them, especially Rui-hyung.”
Hanbin hums in agreement and moves to sit across from Matthew which the younger raises an eyebrow at. “Come sit next to me, hyung.” He says and Hanbin, who was hesitant to even sit next to him earlier, moves as fast as he can to settle next to Matthew, making the younger giggle at how eager Hanbin was.
They sit there for a few minutes in silence, fingers constantly brushing against one another before Hanbin finally holds onto Matthew’s hand, causing the two of them to blush as if they’re back in High School having teenage crushes.
“I wanted to talk.” Hanbin starts, “I know that we have a lot to talk about and you probably have a lot of questions you need answers to, and I’m willing to answer all of them.”
Matthew sharply inhales, not sure if he’s 100% ready for this conversation yet but he knows that they need to do this.
“I don’t want to lose you, Seokmae.” Hanbin quietly admits, Matthew suspects that tears are forming in the older’s eyes. “You mean the world to me and everyday I beat myself up over the fact that I hurt you so many times when I promised I wouldn’t.”
“So please, ask questions, tell me what you’re feeling, anything, and I’ll do my best to clear everything up, okay?” Hanbin says, finally looking up at Matthew. Like Hanbin, Matthew is on the verge of tears but he holds them back.
“What happened to us? Why did you approach Hao-hyung instead of me when you were having problems?”
Hanbin takes a deep breath. “I was having problems with my weight or rather, my past. You know that I’ve struggled with my weight ever since I was a kid and I’m finally at my ideal weight and all of a sudden, some people found my old photos and started spreading it around.” Hanbin confesses and Matthew’s heart breaks. “At first, I didn’t pay much attention to it, I’m not ashamed of my past, if not for my past, I wouldn’t be here now..”
“But then the hate comments started. People were comparing with how I looked from before and now and were saying things like Nothing much has changed or Once a pig, always a pig and it just broke me. I wanted to approach you, believe me, I did, but I knew you were also going through your own practices and rehearsals and I didn’t want to be a bother. I chose Hao-hyung because well, he and I were in the same group and the four of us promised to always be there for each other, right? That’s why I approached hyung.”
Matthew caresses Hanbin’s hand with his finger, an attempt to show comfort in the way his words can’t.
“That necklace with Hao-hyung..why?”
“I don’t know if Rui-hyung explained it to you or not but, those were actually matching necklaces for the four of us. Remember the ring on the necklace? It had our representative animals or emojis engraved on it. We wanted to give it to you and Rui-hyung right away but we got busy with missions and Hao-hyung thought the two of us should wear it first then give it to you both once we were all less busy, he didn’t want the money we put on this to simply go to waste.”
“But, you and Hao-hyung said that those were matching necklaces between the two of you.” Matthew says, slightly confused.
“Ah, that. We wanted the necklaces to be a surprise, we didn’t think that you and Rui-hyung would notice it actually but when you did, Hao-hyung panicked and said that but, really, they’re for the four of us, I even have yours with me.”
“What happened during Say My Name? Why were you like that all of a sudden towards me?”
Hanbin looks down, ashamed of what happened. “To be honest, I don’t know either. I was stressed and I wrongfully took it out on you. You were avoiding me but you weren’t to blame, I blamed myself for pushing you away and then the pressure of being center of the show and being the best group for the mission got to me and I just..took it out on you.” Hanbin explains. He looks up and grabs both of Matthew’s hands, “I really am sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, called you selfish and all those horrible things. I didn’t mean any of those words and I instantly regretted it when I said it. I’m so so so sorry, Seokmae, I’m so sorry.”
The tears Matthew was holding back earlier were now flowing down freely against his cheeks and Hanbin wipes them away, tears also flowing down his own cheeks.
“It hurt, hyung, but I can forgive you. Maybe not now, at least not fully forgive you but, I don’t blame you anymore, hyung, I’m not mad anymore.” Matthew says and Hanbin breaks down, sobbing.
“Thank you and I’m really sorry Seokmae-yah, I will be better, I swear on my life, I’ll treat you so much better than I ever did before.” Hanbin babbles, his words almost incoherent.
Matthew pulls him into a hug and they cry in each other’s hold for a while before Matthew moves them over to lay down on the bed with Hanbin clinging onto him like a koala.
“Don’t leave me, Seokmae, I’ll be better, I promise.” Hanbin softly says into Matthew’s shoulder and Matthew smiles. “I won’t leave, hyung, please take care of me.” Hanbin eagerly nods and presses kisses into the younger’s shoulder.
My heart is in your hands again, hyung.