Burning Up

by reddishues

Chapter 4

After the day at Madara's house, Kuro invited him to his place more and more frequently, for some reason. He likes being there with him, but he wonders if he just wants to see him more often or if he actually sensed he's happier spending time with him like that instead of hanging around the school.

It gives his family another pair of hands too, so it's not too bad.

Sometimes he doesn't even go back for the night, so they start sleeping together as well. Kuro is warm and soft all around, so Madara can hug him however he wants. Usually, he'd just hug him from behind, burying his face in the back of his neck and holding his hand.

He finds out he's especially clingy when he's tired, and he even asks for hugs then. He's had his doubts for a while about whether or not he dislikes being hugged, but now he just thinks it's because he's been used to thinking of himself as someone people generally don't want to hug.

It's a crime, really.

Especially since now he has to be touch deprived, given how much he hugs and cuddles with him. He's not afraid of asking what he needs with him, since he's seen him at his worst already and he knows he's more than willing to shower him with all the love he can master.

Another thing that he noticed is that ring he never takes off. It's not even around his finger, just used as an accessory for his necklace. It looks like a wedding ring, so he has his bets on why he's so attached to it, but he still wants to know. Kuro can have some crazy stories to tell, after all.

“I've always wondered, but,” he prompts one night, “whose is that ring?”

Kuro looks at him a little surprised, before taking it in his hands and fondly looking at it. “My Mom's.” He answers, way more naturally than a few months ago. The mere mention of her was enough to make him cry, but now he's doing fine with talking about her too. He's so proud of him, for what it's worth.

He will never be able to give him back his mother, that's something not even he can do, but he's happy that he's at least at peace with himself now. He started to accept and process it, and that's what he cares about the most.

“She gave it to me before goin' to the hospital,” he explains, “before I was a delinquent, even. She's had this illness for a very long time, y'see, so she started to go back and forth when I was in primary.”

So it's worse than what he believed.

He suspected it, by the way he talks about this mysterious illness, but to actually have it confirmed makes him realize just how long he suffered. He gets why he became a delinquent too.

It was never out of sheer malice, it was probably for the impotence he felt. For how angry he was to see his own mother die before his eyes without being able to do anything about it. For how he couldn't protect her. For how scared he was at the thought of losing her.

Everything was too much and he had to let it out. He understands that.

“Why?” Madara asks, gently taking his hand in his, making him let go of the ring. He's afraid he'd say something about it, but he doesn't open his mouth. He just looks at him, eyes curious and attentive.

So many people are so fast to dismiss him as stupid, but that can't be farther from the truth. He's incredibly intelligent and smart, but in a way that school just can't measure. He can understand what others want or need just with a glance, and always approaches them in the right way. Maybe because he's always been a caretaker, but it's something so many people just don't have.

Being dumb or stupid is something he convinced himself of, and he wants to make him reevaluate himself. He wants him to see what he sees in him. Being good at maths doesn't make someone intelligent, but the way Kuro treats people and how fast his response is when confronted with a problem is out of this world.

“Why did she give it to you?” He repeats, moving his eyes to look at it. “And why don't you wear it on your finger?”

Kuro smiles softly, slowly moving to give him a peck on his lips. He doesn't know why he does it, but Madara kisses him back, without letting go of his hand.

He breathes deeply before finally answering. “So I could keep her close to my heart whenever she couldn't be here.” He whispers, rubbing his thumb on Madara's hand.

It makes sense, for someone like him.

Family has always been important to him, of course that ring was as well. It's probably the last thing he can hold onto.

“She's always been the center of my life.” Kuro starts, looking at his hand with a content expression. “The first time she went to the hospital, my father had to drag me home because I didn't want to leave. I sneaked out as soon as we got home and went there again, slept in waiting rooms for a couple of days, until I could talk to her. She was pretty much my entire world.”

Madara feels like it's going to be hard on him, to tell him everything about what happened in those years, so he just lets go of his hand and pulls him closer, enough for him to bury his face in his neck and grab his shirt. His hand goes to rub his back, letting him know he's there for him.

“After she knew of what happened, she just gave me this ring. She told me to keep it close to my heart so she'd know I was fine, and I could talk to her through it. I knew it was all a lie to keep me safe, but I wanted to believe it. I wanted her to come home, and sew with her, and talk to her. I just wanted her to be alright.”

He stops for a moment, fiddling with the ring for a while, before taking it off the chain. He turns a little, so his head is laying on Madara's shoulder and he's facing the ceiling, and reaches up with his hand, holding the ring between his thumb and index.

“This ring is the only thing I still…” he trails off and exhales, trying to complete the sentence, “I can still use it to feel her close to me.”

Madara looks at him a little worried, but he still hugs him as he puts his ring away, next to his heart again. “I'm sorry I made you relive those memories.”

He laughs, throwing himself in his arms again. Madara, of course, catches him, without even thinking about it twice. They've been together for so much time that they just started catching each other whenever they hugged a little too intensely.

It always makes them laugh, just how much they rely on each other now. Before, they were always wary of each other, but now they couldn't even think about trusting someone else more than one another.

“Sometimes I wonder if she sent me you, y'know?” Kuro whispers, as if it was a completely normal thing to say to Madara right now.

It's not normal at all.

The circumstances his life tangled him in aren't normal at all, he's awfully aware of that, but despite everything he knows, he still doesn't think it's normal to say something like that out of the blue. Or at all, for that matter.

Is he implying his mother sent him as some sort of guardian angel? He doesn't even know what to say to that. Despite that, it's nice to hear that he cares about him in that way. As some sort of guardian his mother sent to take care of him. 

“Come here.” He whispers, opening his arms. Kuro refuges in his chest immediately, comfortable with showing him his weaknesses. He knows Madara would never do anything to harm him in any way.

Safeness.

That's what he's always seen him as.

Madara smiles at that memory and how he's clinging to him, almost falling asleep right there. “I'm so proud of you.” He breathes while petting his hair, affectionately pushing and pulling it. 

He waits for a few seconds before saying the rest. “She would be too.”

“Ya told me this already.” Kuro giggles, looking at him again. “There's something else she told me when she gave me her ring, y'know.”

Oh, he doesn't think this is going to end very well.

For him, at least. He'll say the cutest, sappiest thing he’s ever heard in his life and he will cry.

“To give it to the person I care about the most when I feel it's time.” He just says casually, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Madara, obviously, is thrown aback. Why would he tell him that so casually? Was it just another thing his mother told him and that he wished him to know about or was that him voicing the fact that he wanted to marry him one day?

He truly doesn't know. He has no clue of what Kuro is thinking, and that irritates him a little. He doesn't feel any kind of rage coming out, though. Instead, it makes him want to know and understand him more.

After all, it's fun being with him exactly because he's so hard to understand.

He ends up only squeezing him next to him, asking more about it. “As in, engagement?” He just questions, thinking of any other way that ring could be used.

None come to mind. Apart from remembering her and proposing to him there's no reason he'd mention it to him.

“Not necessarily.” Kuro whispers, rolling on his back to look at it again. Madara wonders how many times he actually took time to look at that ring. It must have been difficult for him, having that weight around his neck, especially right after she died.

Still, though, what other purpose would mentioning it to him carry? He truly can't understand him yet, whether he wants to admit it or not.

Despite that, he kisses him on his cheek, catching his attention. “You should keep it,” he whispers, “it's important for you.”

As a response, Kuro curls around him, clutching his first around his shirt. “I miss her,” he just breathes, his voice low and shaky.

He won't cry. Madara knows he won't, that's not the right tone for him to cry.

Even then, he protectively hugs him, keeping him as close as possible. He feels Kuro getting more comfortable in that position, and he returns that with rubs on his back. He feels him relax and drift to sleep incredibly easily, and he moves his head to see if he's sleeping.

What he sees is never going to leave his mind.

He's peacefully asleep, his hair partially on his face, wearing a hoodie he bought for him, holding onto his shirt like his life depended on it. He's always so cute, only for him to see.

He smiles at the sight, going back to hugging him as much as he can. “Got you,” he only whispers, before falling asleep too.

His last thought is his smile, how brightly he shines every time he's happy, how happy he makes him whenever he does anything at all. How his eyes shone when he talked about the future purpose of that ring.

If he truly proposed to him, Madara wouldn't have the strength to say no. He knows that, if it came down to it, he'd make sure his parents hated him just so he could be with him without having to hold back or inconvenience him.

He knows he would risk that much for him.

It's scary, but there's no reason to deny it now. He knows he loves him. He only wants him to be happy, and if that coincidentally is the same as his own wish to be happy, he wouldn't be against it.

He wants to be with him, like this, forever. For the first time, that prospect of loyalty and settling down, having a family… it's not scary if Kuro will be there.

---

Living at home without Madara now feels a little too quiet, but he has to learn to stand it, somehow. Next year he won't be here, after all. He decides to finish sewing something he designed in his free time, just to pass the time, but someone knocks on his room's door midway through.

It doesn't bother him, really, he just lets out a clear sign that it was fine to come in, thinking it was his sister. Instead, his father stands in front of him, with a weirdly troubled expression.

Kuro doesn't even get why, until he realizes what he's doing. It's true, he usually doesn't sew at home, since he has so many things to do and barely has time to relax, so his father doesn't know he's doing it again.

He hopes he doesn't ask him much about it, even if he doubts it. He's always been a worrywart despite the appearances, that's what his mother said too.

“You're sewing again.” He comments, with a much more composed and relaxed expression. He's glad he's calm over it now, but that doesn't change the fact that he will ask about it.

He still doesn't know if he's happy about it or not. He should be, but something is holding him back.

Guilt. Anger. Pride.

There were many things that kept him wary of talking with his father, and he wishes they weren't there. He wants to talk to his father normally, like when he was younger. He'd tell him about his day, what he learned, and so on. Like any other son.

Now, though, he's angry at him for not being there for him. He feels guilty for worrying him so much. He's too prideful to admit he wants things to go back to the way they once were.

He wishes he could say all of this to him too, instead of only thinking about it.

“Yeah,” he just answers, going back to his clothes. He's not ready to do anything more than that, not on his own.

His father, though, doesn't want him to do it on his own, apparently.

“Isn't that her favorite pattern?” He asks, quietly looking at the clothes that are slowly taking form under Kuro's skilled hands.

He nods, his sight never leaving the clothing. “It's the pattern of her favorite shirt. I liked it, so I used it for some clothes…” He trails off only to hand him his sketchbook, open on that project's page. “Had to redesign them, though.”

His father looks at them for a few seconds with a warm smile on his face, before giving them back to him.

Kuro hopes that'll be the end of it, that he'll go out of his room and to sleep since it's too late already.

What happens is that he sits next to him, asking him something he never thought he'd hear him say. “Can we talk?”

He huffs, obviously uncomfortable to do it, but he doesn't tell him to leave. He can't, really, because he has a wish to fulfill.

It's not even his mother's, it's just something he desperately wants, but he needs to fulfill it anyway.

Have a good relationship with his father again. That's his wish. He needs it to be a reality as soon as possible, because he doesn't know for how long he can ignore him like that. He doesn't even want to, but every time he thinks he can do it again, his stomach just shifts and turns and everything is just impossible to manage.

He doesn't hate him, but he's angry at him for how he managed the situation with him and his sister after their mother died. Remembering about that time still hurts, even if way less than before. His sister crying, the enormous hole his mother left, his father's absence. Everything fell down on him, and his sister had to calm him down.

She was in tears, and she still managed to do that, somehow.

“Aniki, aniki,” she whispered then, “please don't cry… You're the strongest, right?”

His heart broke in half when he heard that question. He didn't have the strength to do anything, he didn't have the will to breathe a second longer, he only wanted things to go back to how they were before all this.

That never could have been a reality.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered, going closer to her to hug her, “yer brother isn't as strong as everyone else says.”

She rubbed her head against his chest, he remembers. “That's not true. You always helped everyone and made sure I'd eat, sleep and have fun. You've done so much for me.”  

She looked at him with an honest smile and shining eyes, still grabbing his shirt. “I'm so happy you're my brother.” She said then, with an expression full of pride and joyfulness.

Kuro remembers he kept her close until both of them stopped crying, then ate together and talked until late, pretending everything was still fine.

That's the only way they could survive. Trusting each other and relying on one another, because that's all they had.

It's sad, but they stopped leaning on their father a long time ago.

“None of us is good at that sorta thing.” Kuro finally responded to that question, trying to shoo him away one last time. He didn't move, so he just huffs and nods, defeated. “Yeah, we can talk.” He puts away his project, waiting for him to start talking.

He's the one with things to say, anyway.

“I'm sorry for what happened. I should have been there for you and your sister after she died. I shouldn't have just left you here alone.”

As soon as Kuro hears those words, he can't help but feel guilty. He's always felt like a nuisance to his family, but this is a new feeling entirely. He knows perfectly why he was absent, and he's still angry at him to the point he noticed and properly apologized for him.

He's such an asshole.

Now he doesn't even know what to answer, because all this just confirmed he hates him for stupid reasons.

He feels his father's hand on his back and he turns only to find him smiling at him, almost in a reassuring way. He clenches his hands against one another, gritting his teeth and looking away from him.

It hurts.

Every time he assumes something wrong or heads into a situation he should have thought through, he ends up feeling frustrated with himself and full of will to just disappear if he ends up hurting someone in the process.

That's ten times worse because it's his father. He raised him, he taught him how to fight, and he fully knows that he's always openly preferred his mother, but he never stopped to think if he ever felt negatively about it.

He does wonder why he never tried to dissuade him from being a delinquent, if he knew how bad that would have been for him. He had the strength and authority to do it without problems, he's always been stronger than him.

Maybe he despised him, a little bit. Maybe he hurt him by only idolizing his mother and never paying any attention to him.

His heart clenches and he feels powerless again, going back to the days before middle school. Before he knows it, tears are flowing out of his eyes without him meaning to, and his father immediately hugs him.

“I've never seen you cry.” He comments, as Kuro instantly hugs him back, searching for solace. He just lets his hair and rubs his back, hugging him with his other arm. “Not even when Mom died… you didn't cry. You were the one calming down your sister and talking to me after we got home. And you got stabbed too.”

Right.

Not something he wants to talk about now, not with him. He needs to tell Madara after this, though.

“I cried.” He whispers, his head still on his shoulder. “Just… not in front of ya.” He spits out, barely making it there before he could stop himself.

It's hard enough to admit he did cry when he promised he wouldn't. Guess he's not good enough for that either.

He feels his father pet his hair again, with an affection he's never even thought he had. “Kuro… don't hold back. You tend to do that, but you know I can take it, right?” He smiles, immediately welcoming Kuro again in his arms, this time completely turned towards him. “Just tell me what's on your mind.”

Kuro doesn't lift his head from there, but the gentleness that his father is using with him is helping him to not hate this as much and open up.

Maybe it's the guilt too.

He really hopes he doesn't hate him for everything he's done.

He takes a deep breath, before starting to tell him everything. “You did the right thing by doing what you did. I don't mind doing all this stuff and I know you did what you did to keep a roof above our heads. We never had to give up on education or hobbies because you were working so much for our well-being.”

He takes a quick pause, checking if he was listening or not, or tried to interrupt him. All he got was silence, and somehow that didn't help.

He's so stupid.

He's so stupid that he starts mumbling apologies against his safe chest, tears running down again, the feeling of frustration and hopelessness coming back. He hates it. More than that, he hates himself for getting in a situation like that, solely because of his stupidity.

His father just listens and offers support, until his muffles die down, covered by the sound of quiet sobs and the taste of salty tears.

“Kuro, what are you apologizing for?” He finally asks, somehow making him shiver and shake a little more. He notices and hugs him, always lovingly and protectively.

Has he always been like that? Has he always been so… kind? Supportive? Loving?

He knows he cares about him and his sister, but he didn't know just how much and to what extent this situation changed him and his perception of him. He vaguely remembers how he was before his mother started feeling ill, but he remembers he was gentle, despite many people thought he was scary.

He just spent more time with his mother because she was at home more, but he never hated his father. Even then, he knew the reason why he wasn't around much. The only difference between that time and now is that his only other parental figure disappeared.

That's why he has so many issues with him, he expected something out of him that he just couldn't give him. It's not his fault, though. Everything he's ever done, he did it to protect his family.

“I've never treated you like I treated Mom… Sorry.” He whispers, looking away from him. He's almost embarrassed to say it out loud, just because he caused that situation.

Maybe, if he understood more, their relationship would have been better. Maybe it wouldn't need fixing in the first place.

He hears him giggle softly, and his head snaps towards him, fast enough that his father is almost surprised by it. Regardless, he pats his head softly and smiles at him, trying to calm him down and reassure him.

“I didn't expect you to, and I wouldn't be angry anyway because you were a child.” He reveals, with a soft and caring voice. “You're my pride and joy, and your mother always thought the same.”

“Ya don't hate me then?”

“No one hates you, Kuro. You seem to think how you see yourself is how everyone else sees you, but that's not true. You said so many times you're a burden to this family because you got tangled with delinquents, but I think that without that experience you wouldn't be the person you're today. Even if you suffered and you made me worry, you've been able to keep this family together thanks to that part of yourself as well. Never doubt how much love I have for you.”

Before he notices, he's crying again, but he keeps his father at a distance when he tries to come closer. It's not that he doesn't want to touch him, but he wants to finish this conversation, at the very least.

No matter if he does it crying, he knows he won't ridicule him for that. That's what his ex friends did, and he wants to believe the man that raised him and that his mother loved wouldn't do that.

And he doesn't.

He keeps his distance and looks at him with worry described all over his face.

Kuro is glad he respected his boundaries, that only means he's right about him. He's a nice guy, and he can cry around him like he did when he was a child.

“I've always thought ya never cared 'bout me bein' a delinquent.” He says, shyly looking at him. He's afraid of the answer, but he needs to know. If he was this nice of a parent, why wouldn't he try to stop him from going down that path?

He sighs, half smiling at him. “I was worried you'd lose your way.” He nods, almost looking hurt by that question and the way he had to answer. “But I didn't stop you because you wouldn't have listened to me anyway, and you needed to burn off some steam. That's why you started, right?”

Well, that was scary. A little bit.

That's exactly the reason why he started, and he didn't even know his father knew anything about it. He just didn't think he'd care, but he did. He knew exactly what he was doing and why he needed it.

“I was just frustrated…” he whispers, “I needed a way to deal with it. I didn't want to become a delinquent, but it helped me. That's why I don't deserve all this.”

He smiles softly at him, half smiling. “Kuro, you're a kid who made a mistake, not a murderer.”

That's enough to make him cry again, this time so much that his father needs to pull him in to keep him on the bed.

He's never forgiven himself for his past, and yet his father points it out for him. The truth feels wrong when he actually applied it to himself, though. He knows it's true, he knows it's not directly his fault she died.

Still, though, he did something horrible that could have been avoided, and if he just never became a delinquent, it could have been avoided.

His father's hand brings him closer to his shoulder, gently caressing his hair. It's something he didn't expect, but he stays still, taking in all the affection he's getting. They haven't been talking for a while and he knows he's trying to get forgiven, so he doesn't have the heart to push him away.

He wants to go back to the time when he could normally lean on him without having to think twice about it.

“Shh, stop crying, it's fine.” He whispers, kind and thoughtful. “No one hates you for that. I don't hate you, your mother never hated you. You were her world, she would have never even thought about it. We were just worried for you, nothing more.”

That only makes him cry more, starting to reach out to his father to search for some type of support. He immediately hugs him, letting him cry on him again after so long.

“'m sorry no one got the chance to say goodbye.” He mumbles in the end, still in tears.

His father squeezes him for a second before answering. “Oh, Kuro, no one thinks it was your fault. Your mother figured it was something bigger than us, so she left something for you. I didn't know when it would have been the right time, but… you can take it.”

Kuro lifts his head, looking at the envelope his father is handing him. It's in perfect condition, as if she gave it to him just a few hours ago. He hesitantly takes it, first inspecting it rather than just outwardly opening it.

Too heavy for just a letter, and she probably didn't even have the time to write it.

He finally opens it, taking out what was inside of it.

A bracelet with his name on it, all black, white and purple, and a tag attached to it. She probably prepared it in the few days before her death, only to give something to him.

“Keep smiling and being happy. Mom loves you, no matter what.”

Those are the words he reads on that tag and all of a sudden he's crying and yelling, every part of his body hurting for those two sentences.

He doubles over because his stomach is hurting way too much, and his father catches him, keeping him close to avoid him falling on the ground.

“We love you, Kuro.” His father tells him, as he keeps letting his tears fall on his lap. “Never forget that.”

It doesn't help him to calm down, and instead he just cries a little more, with that same intensity and desperation. His mother's bracelet is against his chest, pressed against his shirt as strongly as possible.

He doesn't think he's ever cried as much as he did just now, and he knows he needed it, but he can't help feeling a piercing pain in his heart, as if it just fell into pieces.

It was like hearing the sound of knives and forks being smashed together over and over again, just next to his ear. It's so loud and scary he only wants to yell and cry.

“It's the last thing she's ever done.” He breathes out when the tears slow down enough and he can talk again. “She couldn't sew, so… she started makin' bracelets. And this is the last one.”

His father hugs him again, and this time it's Kuro the one to hug him back immediately, almost clinging to him. He needs him right now, not less than when he was only a child.

“You were her world, Kuro.” He continues, smiling at him. “She loved you more than anything else. She raised you with so much love that you had a lot to spare for your sister.”

“She loved her too.”

“Of course she did, but it was different from you, wasn't it?”

It's true.

He knows his mother loved him in a different way than she loved his sister. Of course she loved her too, but she's always been there for him and always spoiled him. Maybe that's why it was so hard for him to accept Madara's care and attention. It was something his mother did, and he couldn't stand it.

Apart from the fact that he's always felt horrible in general about graving on others' shoulders, of course.

Above all, though, all this just proves that his father knows them. He knows and loves his family, despite being there quite rarely, and he worries about his children enough to talk to them openly like that.

Especially the one that felt let down and betrayed by him.

Kuro takes a deep breath, looking at him like a little kid having to confess he broke the rules. “You know so much… 'm sorry I thought ya didn't care 'bout this family.”

Despite that, he turns serious immediately, shaking his head. “But even knowing all of it… I had to listen to my sister crying because you weren't there. I had to let someone else take care of me because I didn't get enough sleep to do it myself.” He looks at him, crossing his arms in defeat. “I still can't forgive you.”

“It's fine.” He answers, to his surprise. Kuro looks at him, noticing he was looking at him with a loving expression, one that only a proud parent could give. “You're the best thing that happened to this family. You had to go through a bit of a rough path, but without you helping me, we couldn't have lasted this long.” He confesses, pulling him in a hug.

At first, everything is silent, since Kuro is way too surprised to even think about anything to say, but it doesn't last long, and the room gets filled with cries again.

He doesn't know why he's crying so much, but seeing all his fears being disproven in front of him makes him desperate. He worried about it for so long, afraid he’d just never talk to his father again despite hating that situation they stuck themselves in, that hearing him of all people telling him he’s justified to feel like that just makes him cry out of happiness.

“Kuro. It's okay.” His father whispers, rubbing his back and caressing his hair. “You're still allowed to cry in your father's arms. You're safe here.”

He still cries at every word he says, just for how much he didn't think he'd ever hear it again. “I missed you so much.” He sobs, completely burying his face in his shirt hearing the heartbeat he never thought he could ever feel again.

He's been so afraid of that possibility, that he would just leave them too, and everything is way too much for him to take in at once.

“I'm here.” He reassures him, keeping on hugging him. “Shh, you've been phenomenal this past year and I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you before. I didn't notice how much you were suffering, and for that I'll never forgive myself.”

Kuro sniffles against his chest, seemingly calming down at that confession. He tends to ignore other sounds when he's focused on something else, so he tries to listen to him. That feels like something incredibly important.

His father giggles before keeping on talking. “You're still the little kid that begged me to teach you karate so you could protect your new friend. I've never thought of you as a bad person, you've always shone with that altruistic will to use your strength to protect innocent people.”

“I've hurt people.” Kuro mentions, almost only breathing it. He doesn't like talking about it at all, but he needs to be honest with him. As much as possible.

“Everyone does. It's the principle of life, you're destined to hurt someone, at some point. But your intentions have always been nothing except good.” He pats his head, smiling at him. “You're a good kid, Kuro.”

He gets up from him, looking at him with a curious look. “Did you hurt someone?”

“You, for starters. Your sister. Your mother.” He sighs, turning to look at him again. “I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did, though, so let me tell you a story. Me and your mother got together after years of walking around each other, ignored our feelings and pretended we were just friends. We lost time, and that's something I can't quite get past.” He looks directly at him, making a sorrowful face. “I don't want you to regret your life, Kuro.”

“It's not your fault she got sick.”

“Yeah. But if we married before, you would have stayed with her longer.”

At that point, Kuro feels like an idiot. He only didn't like his father for something so small that now he wants to hit himself repeatedly with his own hands. He's always been looking out for them, and disliking him because he didn't feel like he cared was so stupid of him.

“You've always thought about us and I'm an idiot for thinking the contrary.” He whispers, almost like a realization that's come to him way too late for it to be relevant in any way now.

He feels so stupid, dumb, insensitive.

He feels so useless that it almost seems like everything he sacrificed for his family was nothing, compared to what his father did. He felt so much pressure from everyone and everything around him that he sacrificed more than what he should have, and if he just talked to him sooner, maybe he could have gotten way more than he did and lost way less than he was willing to do.

No matter how much time passes, he remains a good-for-nothing. He can't even understand his own father, he should just be-

“You're a child.” His father's voice interrupts his thoughts, and he looks up to him. He didn't do the same, instead looking in front of him with melancholic eyes.

Kuro wonders if there's anything at all that can make him sad, or afraid, or feel guilty. He's always looked invincible to him, even when he was barely able to stand up on his own two feet from exhaustion.

When he was younger, he wanted to be that to Shu and his sister. An invincible demon that protected them, like his father was to him.

He still admires him, of course, but that childish idolisation of him left a long time ago. Now he wants to be his own person rather than emulate his father, but his wishes still stand. 

He wants to protect people.

He wants to use all his strength to protect, instead of destroying everything on his path.

His father grabbed one of his shoulders, forcing him to look back at him. “Kuro, you're allowed to be upset because your old man is never home. You have every right to be angry at me because I'm making you take care of me too.”

All he gets in return is a long stare, one he couldn't understand on his own, because not even Kuro knows what it means. He just knows he's been waiting for so long for someone to validate those feelings of anger, but now he doesn't think it was necessary.

He's still angry at him, he abandoned them, but he doesn't feel like he had to explain it to him at all.

He's not a child.

He doesn't feel like a child, and hasn't been one for a very long time.

All that talk about him being too young, a child, just a high schooler… he's always hated it. He doesn't even know what it means. He simply had to fill a hole and he did, it doesn't matter if he had to lose his childhood over it.

Then, though, why does he feel so relaxed and happy when someone takes care of him? Why is he so happy his father is letting him cry and talking to him with immense care? Why does he want to be procured by him so badly?

He wants to cry again, honestly.

The promise he made of not crying for his mother has been broken so many times already that it doesn't matter anymore.

All he feels is a big, foggy, red cloud around him with a few thunders jumping from one part to the other, changing the color of it. Red, dark purple, deep blue, shocking pink.

They're all horrible.

“I don't feel like a child anymore.” he makes it out, ignoring everything he's feeling. Just this once, he has to actually tell him what's happening. “I want to not think about all this and just…” he trails off, sighing in the end. Almost instinctively, he falls into his arms, against his chest, already crying again. “But I can't.” He whispers, refuging into his safe embrace.

He needs just that right now. Crying and getting hugs. That's all he wants to do. At least this once, he wants to be treated like a child by his father. He can hate it after that, but right now he wants to go back before all this mess.

He wants his father to tell him everything will be fine, and that he's always there for him. He knows it's stupid and just a child's whine, but he desperately needs it.

“Shh, I'm so sorry you had to live a life like this.” He hugs him and keeps him close, exactly like he wants him to. He kisses him on the top of his head, wrapping him tighter. “I'm sorry.” He whispers, all his grief and guilt coming out in that single apology.

Madara was right, in the end. He needed to talk to him, even if he didn't want to, just to see his side of the story. He was pointing fingers in the wrong direction, and he wouldn't have seen the truth if they didn't talk about it just now.

He's happy to have a father like that. One that can help him, no matter how bad at communicating they both are. He's going to try his hardest to make him feel better.

To his apology, though, he has something more to say. “It's not your fault, it's just that… It's not fair. Why can everyone still act like that and whine to their momma and I can just cry in front of a tomb.” He looks at him, tears running down his face, struggling to keep his eyes open. He cried so much that his eyes are starting to burn, but he can’t seem to make them stop. He's so angry at himself, and his body, and the past, and it's just too much for him to just keep his composure. “It's not fair! We deserve that too!” He yells, for the first time in years.

Usually, yelling is off limits for him, both because he's not a person who yells unless he's extremely angry, which almost never happens, and because he doesn't like the faces of the people looking back at him after that.

He remembers how it was the first time, with his mother. He didn't yell at her, but he did yell at Shu out of frustration, anger and stress, and she was devastated.

He didn't want to see that face again, not on his mother, of all people.

That's what led him to find fighting as another option to let out anger, but his mother's expression got worse after a while and he hated it.

It's why he left delinquency and his former friends, too. He couldn't stand the fact that the people closest to him would be worried over something he does.

They have no control over that. If he makes a mistake, it's all his fault, no more and no less.

“I know.” His father interrupts his thoughts, hugging him again. Kuro just stays there, taking in everything he can feel in that hug. “I know,” his father repeated, “I didn't realize how much it weighed on you, I'm sorry.”

That hug becomes a little tighter, and Kuro feels free to close his eyes as his face searches for his father's secure embrace. 

He smiles at that, and slightly brushes the back of his hand against his hair. “I'm here, it's okay,” he whispers, then lying his forehead on the top of his head, almost protectively. “We'll be fine.”

Kuro cries again, this time of relief. He's so happy his father he's there for him again, sustaining and helping him.

He knows he's been having Madara to do that up until now, and he still wants to rely on him, but the knowledge that his father wasn't home at all and all he could do was push through it all, no matter what, was heartbreaking.

“I missed you.” He whispers, before opening his eyes again. “I miss her.”

He's still devastated over it. He can talk about her now, but he still has nightmares over it, he still thinks about her, he still doesn't think he'll ever atone for what he's done to her.

He wants to see her again so much, but he knows he can't. All he can do is talk to a tomb, hoping she's listening to him, somewhere.

That's all he can do, and it infuriates him.

His father notices something is wrong, probably by the grip Kuro's hands have on his shirt, and tries to talk to him again. “I'm not Mom and I'm really bad at talking, but I'm here for you and your sister. You can rely on me, sometimes.” He caresses his head, just to make sure he gets the message.

The hands wrapped at his sides loosen up their grip, his body relaxing a little.

Right, he thinks, he still has his father. He has an adult he can rely on. It's not his mother, but it's someone he loves all the same, and he knows he's loved too, or they wouldn't be there.

“I'm just glad you're here.” He whispers, finally relaxing his entire body on him, fully trusting him.

As an answer, he hugs him as tight as possible, as if to say he could trust him now. He can take care of him properly now, and he doesn't have to be alone anymore.

Kuro half-smiles before getting up from him and sitting next to him, without saying a single word.

His father, though, isn't of the same idea.

“Take the chance with that boy.” He says with a half serious tone, looking at him in a worried stare. “Don't worry about us, you've done more than enough. We'll be alright.”

“I really like him.”

“You do nothing but talk about him.”

“I don't.”

He laughs at that, only because his cheeks violently color themselves red all of a sudden. It's a new side of him he's never seen before, but he knew he and Madara have had something between them for a while.

It's new, but he knows his son will always do the same. Loving honestly, without holding back. That's always been his biggest strength.

“It's fine, you're a kid.” He says, in the end, giving him a light pat on his back. “Go and be happy, for once.”

He's greeted with a soft, content smile, one of those he hasn't seen on his son's face for far too long.

“Thanks, Dad.” He just whispers, hugging him again. 

He doesn't know what happens after that, but probably he just puts him to bed, since that's where he wakes up the next day. He smiles at the thought that now he doesn't have to be the one to take care of everything, especially that his father would get enough sleep without him having to intervene, and that other people can take care of him.

It feels good, he realizes. Maybe, being a kid isn't so bad.

---

“You seem happier.”

Kuro's head turns to Madara, who has a soft, warm, red expression. He's calmly smiling at him, even if he doesn't know why, exactly. They weren't even talking before that, but somehow Madara got that he was in higher spirits than usual, somehow.

He has an idea on why he looks like that to him, but it's surprising he understood it with just a glance. Not that he doesn't know him, he does, but sometimes he has difficulties fully understanding what he's feeling if he doesn't even talk to him.

It's always been easy understanding him, though. Everything is so clear and obvious, crystalized right in front of him like a distorted, broken glass waiting to be fixed to be whole again.

He knows when he's sad, happy, frustrated, on edge, everything. It's all clear to him as soon as he sees him, as if the answer is under a sunny sky without any kind of cloud to obscure his judgment.

“Ah, well… I am, I guess.” He just answers, giving him a shy smile. “Me and my father are patchin' things up.” He shrugs, almost in an embarrassed way, as if he's shy for all the sudden attention he's getting.

Madara just reserves a big, bright smile for him, and steps closer to hug him, even lifting him off of the ground. “I'm so happy for you!” He yells, keeping him close to his chest.

At this point, Kuro just accepts that love and affection, he knows Madara will love him like that and he's fine with it. More than just that, he's so happy he's with a person like that and that he's his friend and boyfriend, so caring, outgoing and fiercely loving.

It sounds like something impossible, but Madara made unconditional love his strongest weapon. He acts because of love, he feels every other emotion because of love, he fights because of love.

He's the most loving person he's ever known.

Because of it, and because of how he feels towards him, he can't help but hug him back with both arms and legs, taking in all the heat he had on every inch of his body.

It's not literal warmth, but he can feel it anyway. Unconditional love, only for him, reserved solely to make him happier. A bright, pure form of love, with all the warmest colors blending and melting in a warm, fluffy, soft cloud, seemingly made of cotton. He can feel it whenever he hugs him, whenever he talks to him, whenever they're together.

He loves that cloud that Madara drags with him everywhere he goes with everything he has.

Kuro reserves a last smile for him before looking away. “It was my fault in the end, y'know.” He deeply sighs, shaking his head. “Even that day, he… Nevermind that, it's somethin' ya probably don't wanna hear 'bout.”

It's something he wants to tell him, he really does, and he wants him to know about that day, but something stops him.

Maybe he shouldnìt dump this all on him. Maybe he doesn't care about this. Maybe he just doesn't want to be his stress ball any longer. Maybe he wants to tell him just how annoyed he is that-

“You know that's never been a problem.” Madara's voice chimes in his mind, caring and warm as always. “I want to know you and I like listening to you. That won't change.”

“Well, it's 'bout how I stopped being a delinquent.”

“Oh, that's a story I definitely wanna listen to.”

Well, at least he's fine with it.

Despite that, Kuro doesn't know if he's ready to tell someone about it. He takes a deep breath, trying to give himself strength. He wants to tell him, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.

“I left them when Mom got transferred to the hospital permanently, because I wanted to pick things up before she left.” He starts, already needing Madara closer to him so he doesn't have to raise his voice at all. He moves closer on his own, kindly and gently resting his fingertips on his hips. 

Surprisingly, that is enough to calm him down, and he silently grabs him by his arms to stay anchored to him. “We all knew she was gonna die, so we organized accordingly. I've never punched anyone since then.”

Madara smiles almost in a disgusted way. Not because he's hearing that, but because he knows there's something else to it. Something dark and terrifying that kept him back from telling even him.

It's going to be hard for both of them, he assumes, and braces himself for the worst. He will probably be angry at whoever pushed him to think he's responsible for his mother's death, and Kuro is just going to feel awful for the entire thing.

“This takes an uglier turn, doesn't it?” He asks, with worried eyes.

Kuro just nods, already feeling infinitely sadder than a moment ago. “The day of her death, I… Well, it wasn't directly my fault, but if I just behaved, it wouldn't have happened.”

There it is. The guilt.

The guilt of everything being on his shoulders, everything depending on him, every single bad thing happening being his direct fault.

Madara has always hated seeing him like that. It's not his fault, he was just fourteen when it happened, maybe younger. It's not his fault his mother didn't make it.

Despite all his feelings, though, he still listens to what he wants to tell him. After all, he's not here to disregard any of his feelings, he just wants him to feel better about that situation and telling him how frustrated he is that he possibly can't think it's not his fault isn't something that will help in the slightest.

He looks at him taking a deep breath before starting to talk, his eyes shut closed, his lips slightly trembling.

He wishes he didn't hurt this much.

He wishes he didn't have to go through it all over again every single time he wanted to open up with him.

He wishes he could be happy, for once.

He's fine, though. He looks fine, at least. His voice is steady, there's no sign of tears suddenly flowing down his cheeks, and every other thing that he noticed before vanished.

He finds himself smiling at that realization.

He's getting better, he's healing, he's starting to process it all. That's everything he's ever wanted.

“She was about to die,” Kuro starts again, putting those thoughts to a stop. “I was there, just like everyone else was. We knew she'd die. My lil' sis was grabbing my old man's hand and crying, I was barely managing to seem composed. But everything was fine.” A longer pause, followed by a heavy sigh that signals Madara this just might be it. “Until one of my delinquent friends came in, with a knife, to try to punish me for leaving them.”

His heart sinks, shattering in a million pieces when it finally reaches its breaking point. The realization his ex-friends had been on his neck for almost a year only makes him frustrated and angry, but the consequences of those beatings for that much time just make him want to cry.

Kuro must have noticed it, because he cups his face and leaves a sweet kiss on his lips. “Shh, Madara… everythin's fine now.” He whispers, just right above his lips. “I'm fine.”

“You didn't deserve it.” Madara retorts, looking away. Even if he's smiling, he saw what those beatings did to him. He doesn't want to think he could go through that ever again.

“But it's over. Ya saved me, 'kay?” He smiles a little brighter, brushing his forehead against Madara's. “Everythin's over.”

That gesture is so warm, comforting and intimate that he almost misses what he actually says. As the sentence registers in his brain, he opens his eyes and lightly pushes him back.

“Wait,” he squints his eyes at him, still thinking about it as if he's not entirely sure he heard right, “how do yo-”

Kuro's finger on his lips and his calm smile trail him off. “Shh. Let me finish.”

He nods after a few seconds, feeling him moving his fingertip from his lips. To be honest, he didn't even bother that much, having it there, but he doesn't say anything about it.

“Thanks.” Kuro smiles at him, one of his most beautiful ones yet. He's so bright and soft, Madara almost feels like passing out from how pretty he is when he does that.

After Madara calms down and stops talking, Kuro continues with his story, always standing close to him. He probably needs it for what he needs to tell him, so he just holds him there, offering support. There's not much else he can do right now, but he hopes it's enough, at the very least.

“I asked him to leave, I was about to cry, my sis was scared, just like everyone else in the room.” Kuro grabs the fabric of Madara's shirt on his arms, gritting his teeth. “This is just not somethin' ya take out of dark alleys. I didn't fight him back, because I promised her I wouldn't hurt anyone again. There was a huge commotion, people were scared, he had a fuckin' knife, police didn't care enough about a fourteen year old to intervene… it was a mess.”

Just hearing that from him, with the tone of sheer desperation, frustration and guilt coming from Kuro, of all people, makes him mad.

He never deserved any of this.

All he's ever wanted was only to say goodbye to his mother. That's all he wanted to do, and he can't even have that.

He's always been a good person at heart that made a difficult decision because he wanted to protect his loved ones, and all he got was people beating him up and stabbing him because of it.

It's so unfair.

He grits his teeth as a way to express his anger, but Kuro gently brushes his lips with his thumb, almost telling him to keep it in for a little longer.

Since it's Kuro, Madara listens to him, of course, but that doesn't mean he likes that situation. He just follows what he says for his well being, nothing more.

Kuro sighs, taking his hands, both of their fingers intertwining almost immediately. It's always so comfortable and just… right. They fit perfectly there with each other.

“I just took the blows, the stabs, everythin'.” Kuro says, with a slightly lower voice. “It hurt so much, but I had to solve it like that, or it would have been worse. At some point, everything stops, my father helps me up and he's gone. After that, I don't remember much… my father told me I passed out from the pain.”

If before he was mad, now he's furious at whoever this kid was. He could go away, find him and beat him up only to search for a way to give him the justice he deserves, but he doesn't.

Not because he couldn't, he perfectly could, but Kuro specifically didn't want him to. He's been vocally against everything regarding hurting them as revenge, so he's not going to actually do it.

That definitely doesn't stop him from thinking about it, though.

“My mother died when that asshole was stabbing me.” Kuro grits his teeth and squeezes his hand, almost too much even for him, but he relaxes immediately and looks down, almost defeated. “That's why I just can't forgive myself for her death. I didn't contribute, but if only that guy didn't show up, we could have all been able to say our goodbyes… but she died alone because I had to be a stupid son.”

Madara lets him rest his forehead against his shoulder, with his eyes closed. It hurts, he knows he's hurting just by recollecting those memories, but he just can't help him materially right now. All he can do is offer support and love, but he's not sure if that's what he actually wants or needs.

Now he understands why he feels so guilty, though.

It's horrible, but he understands why he would feel partly guilty for her death. He didn't kill her, he doesn't think he's directly responsible for her illness. He's just full of regrets.

Things he could have avoided, others that he could have done, moments that make him think about how he could have solved the entire situation. He lives in the past, a time that can only be changed in his head and nowhere else.

Thinking about the outcomes isn't going to change the past, but he just can't avoid thinking about it because it was his last time seeing the most important person in his life.

Despite that, though, he's at fault for thinking of her. Saying she would hate him, that she didn't like her son… he honestly doesn't think that's possible, seeing with how much love she raised him.

“I don't think she hates you.” Madara calmly says, gently caressing his hair. “You got hurt, even your father rescued you, didn't he? I know you will never forgive yourself, but you did the right thing then. If not, so many other people could have gotten hurt.”

Kuro gets up from him, drying out the little tears he shed during those few seconds, and looks at him with a face Madara will have a hard time forgetting.

He's devastated.

More than sad, more than depressed, more than traumatized. He looks dead. His eyes are empty, his face is begging to anyone watching to just let it be over, the rest of his body looks like it’s on the edge of collapsing.

He hates seeing him like that for something that's outside of his control.

Madara comes closer and picks him up, Kuro immediately wrapping himself around him, faintly searching for an anchor to stay himself and not falling deeper into the person he is whenever he talks about her.

“You're a hero, Kuro-san.” He whispers as he sits down, letting him stay on his lap and hug him as much as he wanted to. “Stop believing the contrary.”

He nods, not with much force and conviction, but enough for Madara to notice it. “I'll try to.” His tone is lower and words are a little slurred, but he doesn't seem like he's crying or dying, so that's good enough for him.

“I'm proud of you, and she would have been too.” Madara kisses him in his temple, to reassure him in some way. “No matter what you did in your life, she loved you.”

Those words seem to have an impact on him, since he raises his head and runs the palm of his hand on his cheek before kissing him. Madara kisses him back, but it's such a sweet kiss that he's afraid to put in too much strength and ruin it for the both of them.

“I'm just happy yer here now.” Kuro whispers, leaving another couple of kisses on his lips and cheeks, lightly brushing their noses together too.

He truly didn't deserve any of the things that happened to him.

He's always been such a nice and sweet guy, he didn't deserve that level of suffering and despair. He's feeling better by the day, but that doesn't mean he deserved any of it.

He's happy he's helping him too in that process.

“If I'm getting better, it's thanks to ya too.” Kuro continues, with a soft smile on his face. 

It doesn't last, almost immediately leaving space to a sadder expression. “I'd have wanted her to be still alive, she would have loved ya.” He just says, before falling in his arms again. “I miss her so much, Madara. Every time I talk about her, all I feel is a pitch black hole and I hate it. I hate remembering her like that.”

Madara wants to say he gets it, but he can't. He never really lost someone as important as she's always been to him. He can't really say he shared his experience this time.

What he can do, though, is show him support and love. It's something he needs now more than ever, and he's not going to let go of it any time soon.

“You will get there.” He whispers, hugging him closer to his chest, to which he just responds with a hug in return. “And I'll be with you the entire way. I'm sure you will overcome it, Kuro-san.”

“Thanks, Madara.” Kuro wraps himself around him again, resting his head on his shoulder, smiling happily.

That's all the both of them want for now. Be with each other, relying on one another, giving and receiving love. That's enough, and nothing will ever come in between that love and affection for each other.

Neither of them will let that happen. Not now and not ever. They didn't work as long as they did to let anything or anyone come in between them.

---

Madara spending time at Kuro's house now is almost a daily occurrence, and the Kiryu family always welcomed him with open arms. He often helps with the food or cleaning, or explaining something either of the siblings didn't understand in class.

Those visits are something he cherishes a lot, since he never got to do anything like that with his own family. Someone else always did it for them and he rarely saw his parents, so this opportunity to live family life how he was always supposed to is incredibly precious to him.

Despite that, today he also has to talk with someone about urgent matters. Namely, Kuro's father. 

He doesn’t want to blow up on him or telling him he’s horrible for prioritizing his job over his children in that specific situation, since he’s sure he feels guilty enough about it and Kuro talked to him about it and they solved it, but he still has a couple of questions he can only ask him. Not because he doesn’t trust his boyfriend, but because he just doesn’t know the answer to them.

“Can I talk to you, sir?” He asks, as politely as possible. He doesn't want to butt in, but he really needs to know the reason for some of their decisions.

He looks at him and shakes his head, half giggling at him. “Drop the sir, you're basically part of the family, Madara.”

“Well, thank you.” He smiles, but still talks to him in the most  polite, nice tone he could master. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“Why didn't you help Kuro-san with the delinquents?”

There. That's what he wants to know above everything else.

He could have stopped him, he had the power, authority and means to, but he just chose not to do it. He needs to know what led him not to take a stand against that.

Obviously, he cares a lot about him and he doesn't like the fact that he's been involved with them. If that's true, then why would he not try to stop him when he's still on time?

It makes no sense to him and he wants ro know what his reasoning was.

“It's a fair question. Come, sit here.“ He pats the empty space on the floor beside him, and Madara immediately follows the request. “The truth is that… Kuro has always admired her mother more than he's ever loved me.”

As sad as it sounds, Madara can understand that. The way Kuro is, that seems like something he would do. Not to say he was horrible or anything like that, but he seems to almost idolize his mother. That's fine, really, she died when he was still a child, he doesn't put him at fault for it, but it's a fact.

He's sure his mother deserved it, but the way he treats his father in return is so dissonant. Maybe because he just wasn't home enough, but it's not something either of them seem to put a huge weight on.

For them, it was nothing more than a fact. Kuro's father was more absent, so he relied on his mother more. No more and no less than that.

Of course, it might have hurt him a little, but he's clearly not frustrated or angry at that situation. If anything, it means more to him that, despite all of it, now he's relying on him more.

“He probably told you what happened to her, didn't he?” He asks, interrupting Madara's thoughts to a halt.

He just nods, even if he doesn't know where he wants to go with this. “Not all the details, but… yeah, I know the gist.”

Kuro's father nods too, faintly smiling at him. “I didn't want to take it away from him. As stupid as it sounds, that's something that was his, and that's how he got out his anger and frustration.”

To his surprise, Madara never thought of it like that. He doesn't know why Kuro even started being a delinquent, but that makes sense. He must have been sick of his mother slowly getting closer and closer to death without even knowing what to do about it, so he started getting it all out.

As a delinquent, he could get it out as much as he wanted to without fearing the immediate consequences.

Of course, as a father, he didn't want to take it away from him, and Madara respects that. It was probably a lot of pressure, especially for a child, and he wanted him to let out some of it.

Kuro's father lets out a sigh, catching his attention. “He's always hated himself for never giving her what she gave him.”

“He was just a child, though.” Madara points out, just hoping that the sentence he just said didn't mean what he thought it meant.

It would just make him sad beyond words.

The fact that Kuro thought that even when he was way younger just breaks his heart. The fact that he never thought of himself as a child hurts him beyond repair. The fact that he simply suffered all his life without ever asking for help makes him sick to his stomach.

He deserved so much more than what he got, even if that wasn't that bad for most people. He deserved to live a life full of joy, happiness, curiosity, peaceful thoughts. That's all he deserved. Not dread, desperation, anger and feelings of worthlessness and emptiness.

“He's always hated hearing that word.” Kuro's father confirms his worries, sounding just as devastated as Madara about the fact. “He never felt like one, with the amount of responsibility he had. He's always been the primary caretaker for his sister, and he learned to cook, sew and clean as soon as possible. My wife… she started to feel sick when he was seven. He's never had a chance to be a child, and that's my biggest regret. I'm proud of the person he is today, but I wish he'd have had more time to feel like a child.”

Madara just watches him as he talks, not because he doesn't know what else to add, but because all he can feel him say is that he loves his children. His tone, his words, his feelings… they're all clearly just towards his children and full of love and affection.

He wishes he had that.

Sometimes, he wonders if things would have been different if his parents had been a little kinder to him, like Kuro's father is to his family. Maybe, he would have been completely different. Maybe, he wouldn't have met this family at all.

Just the thought sinking in makes him want to throw up. Even just thinking about not meeting Kuro is absolutely horrifying.

It's hard to accept for someone like him, but he can't possibly think of anyone else besides him that he'd love and care about this much. Or relied on, for that matter.

As much as he hates his parents and what they stand for, if it wasn't for how he grew up in that house and situation, he would have never been this close to Kuro.

It was horrible and he will never forgive them for what they've done, but that horrible situation helped him connect and bond with him.

“I admire you a lot, you know.” Madara whispers, almost embarrassed to say it out loud. “For what you've done for him, for how you managed the situation, for how much you love them. That's something I've never had growing up.”

He doesn't know what his answer to all of that will be.

He doesn't know him, he had no reason to just drop that on him, he could just call him stupid and not his problem and be done with it. He would understand that, he's not his son and he barely knows him.

Despite that, though, he just hugs him by pulling his shoulder closer to him. Madara doesn't move, partly because it's nice, but mostly for the surprise. He didn't expect that gesture at all.

It's something new for him, a stranger showing him that kindness, one that he's been craving ever since he was a child. He doesn't only appreciate it, he abandons himself to it.

He doesn't know what it is but there's something about the Kiryu family that simply makes them easy to warm up to. They will welcome everyone with a warm hug, no matter who that is. They could do that with anyone they deem as not a danger for them, as far as he knows.

Kuro's hugs are so similar to his father's, Madara notices, even if they are still a little different. These ones are a little warmer, somehow bigger, almost as if they're for protecting whoever they're holding.

It almost makes him tear up, but he keeps it in and refuges in his arms instead. He didn't think he was allowed to, but with the way he's treating him, it's almost impossible not to.

“It's never too late to be a child.” He whispers to him, kissing the top of his head, pulling him in even more.

Honestly, now he understands why Kuro couldn't help but open up to him. Despite the way he looks, he's incredibly affectionate and the amount of love he shows would make anyone want to tell him their worries.

Madara ends up accepting it just this once, abandoning himself in that embrace full of the warmest, simplest form of love.

The love he's been chasing all his life.

“Kuro cares a lot about you and his sister loves you, even if she doesn't show it.” He continues, calmly looking at him. “You've done a lot for us, the least we can do is love you.”

He has to take a deep breath and take it all in before even thinking about answering. That amount of boundless affection for him is way too much for him.

“Thank you.” He just whispers, before looking up to him, still laying on his shoulder. It's too comfortable and something he chased after for so long that he's still not ready to let it go completely.

All of a sudden, a memory breaches through his brain and he asks another question. “You were the one to save him that day, right? At the hospital.”

It's not like he has to know, but he would like to. Kuro didn't seem like he knew what happened exactly, but the only person to take it that personally and manage to solve the situation had to be him.

He laughs softly, never tensing even just an inch of his body. “Wouldn't you save your son too, if you were me?” He simply asks, turning to look at him.

“It was just a question.” He shrugs, looking away.

He's not afraid of him, he just doesn't want him to think Kuro secretly hated him. He doesn't deserve that doubt, not after everything he's done for his family.

“I just broke his arm. Seeing him getting hurt like that because he was too heartbroken and desperate is something I don't want to see again.” He looks away with sad and regretful eyes. “He's always been a kind boy with nothing but good intentions, and his friendships even in that delinquent group prove it.”

Well, that's new.

As far as Madara knows, all those so-called friends beat him up for their own enjoyment. 

“Did he have actual friends?” He asks, genuinely curious again.

He nods, softly smiling at the memory. “It was mostly girls. There was an older one that he always called 'nee-san' that helped him get out of that group. The others weren't delinquents, really, just some girls that took a liking to him.”

Somehow, that makes sense. He doesn't know why or how, but it makes sense.

Above all, though, he's glad he had friends that loved and supported him, even back then, in a group as violent as the one he was in. They're so important that he used terms like 'nee-san' with one of them.

He can't help but smile, after that realization. He wasn't truly alone against the world for all his life, he had friends that helped him along the way, and he's proud to be just the last arrival.

He doesn't care about not being the first, all he cares about is that Kuro was fine and had support during that time.

Despite all that, it's still a surprise to him that his friends were a bunch of girls. “I've always thought he'd be more popular with boys.” He comments, looking up to Kuro's father and waiting for an explanation.

“He was, but in the wrong way.” He laughs and shakes his head, probably just amused by the way everyone views his son without really knowing the truth. “He just defended girls at the beginning, and boys were scared of him. That's how he got famous. The kind ogre, they called him.” He explains, putting emphasis on that silly, old nickname.

Madara, on the other hand, smiles upon hearing it. “It fits him.” He agrees, finally getting up from him. Nothing really happened for him to do that, but he was starting to feel way too comfortable to hold a proper conversation with him.

He looks at him, noticing the quiet, warm smile on his face. It's so similar to Kuro, even if it's slightly different. It's more melancholic, more mature, more relaxed.

Then, he remembers what he said about his father.

“Y'know, my old man is way colder,” he recalls him saying as they hung out on the roof a couple of months before. “He's various tones of blue, all on the deeper, freezing end.”

“Is that why you hate him?” He remembers asking, only to get a shake of his head in response.

“'S a warm blue. Less like ice and more like a warm embrace from the ocean. Endless and terrifying, but calm and loving too.” He ended up explaining, with a loving smile on his face.

He's never hated him.

Upset? Maybe, and he understands why, but hate isn't a word that Kuro really uses. He's always been a calm, loving, selfless person that only ever helped people.

That counts even less when his family is involved. He loves his father, his sister, his mother, his uncles, aunts, cousins. He would do anything for them.

It always surprises him how much he's able to simply express love like that. He loves so much, but the only way everyone is going to find out is through his actions.

That's another reason why he loves him.

He cares about people, and he cares about them so much that he wants them to know that through the way he acts and how he helps them, instead of words.

“He was so happy whenever he hung out with those girls.” Kuro's father recalls all of a sudden, interrupting Madara's train of thought.

Then, he naturally turned his head towards him, looking at him with a thankful and joyous expression. “It was a happiness I haven't seen him with until he met you.”

Oh.

That's why he looks like he's thanking him. He is doing it.

If he has to be honest, he has no idea how he makes so much work for Kuro to heal as a person, but he's happy he is. That's what he deserves, after the hell he had to go through.

“I'm glad I make him happier.” Madara smiles, one of those big, shining smiles that he rarely shows off to the world, only because of the fact that he makes Kuro Kiryu happy.

He would do everything all over again and even more, if it just meant he could see that gorgeous smile and happy laugh again.

Kuro's father looks at him and laughs lightly, pulling him for a hug again. “You make each other happier. That's the most important thing.” He whispers, obviously making it known he noticed his sudden mood change.

Madara sinks in his hug, still smiling, not able to describe with words any of the emotions he's feeling, both for Kuro and what it means for him to be so warmly accepted by that family.

Kuro is easily the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he's not willing to give it up.

“Thanks for accepting me, Kiryu-san.” He mumbles, without letting go of that hug just yet.

It truly means a lot to him, and Kuro's father seems to recognize it. Perhaps, he's happy he's here as well. Maybe, he used to be way too worried for his son and now he can hope he can be a child again.

He lets him go eventually, looking at him with a warm smile as he puts his hand on his shoulder. “You made my son smile again. I never thought I'd ever see it again, and now he smiles so often.” He takes away his hand, still smiling at him. “You saved him, Madara, you automatically become a member of the family.”

He listens to him carefully, freezing by the end of the sentence.

He feels like he will break down right there and then.

He feels hot tears sliding down his face, burning his cheeks wherever they pass by. The next thing he knows, he's in someone's arms, someone that he somehow knows he can trust. He cries in that chest, quietly and gasping for air, until he lets out a half strained yell, immediately followed by some warm, nice, comforting words and a shushing sound. He can't make it out, but he knows he's probably something he needs.

So, he lets that voice and the hand calmly caressing his hair to soothe him back from before he exploded.

“I just want him to be happy.” He whispers, trying to stay awake after that. It was so violent that it exhausts him, and the heat and comfort around him just make him want to shut down for a while.

Before he could fall asleep in those safe arms, though, he thinks one last thing. His last wish of the day, that makes him all happy and giddy before actually closing his eyes.

I couldn't be happier he's happy with me.

---

Finishing that school year was so much more joyful than any other, for Kuro. He gets to be at home, free to do what he loves and with the people he cares about the most. His mother wasn't there, but maybe it's okay now. Maybe, he thinks, she wouldn't have wanted him to spend his holidays walking aimlessly around the house with no one around him and drowning in his own self hatred.

Maybe, she would have just wanted him to be happy… even if it's something she'll never feel again.

He looks over to Madara, helping him bake a cake for his sister's birthday, laying out the ingredients. It's not something either of them have ever done, so he's not sure it will turn out even just fine, but he wants to try and Madara lent him a hand.

To be completely honest, Madara has been staying at his place since school ended. He didn't even go back home for the night like he usually did, it was almost like he lived there.

Kuro smiles, just thinking about how much workload his presence lifted off of his shoulders. Half because they split chores and because he's been around the house for so often. Everything always felt so much easier if he was there.

“Thanks for helpin' around so much.” He thanks him in the end, looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

Madara looks back at him, a little surprised about the sudden display of affection. “Well, the more I know you can rest, the better I feel. And staying away from my parents can only be good for me.”

“Ya really hate 'em.” Kuro gets closer to him, just to check if they have everything they need, but he feels his fingers on his anyway. He smiles, relaxing immediately. “Can't blame ya,” he continues, “they sound horrible.”

All of a sudden, Kuro feels Madara tense up, for a reason he doesn't quite understand right away. He looks at him, visibly worried, since he got that reaction right after talking about his parents.

He doesn't want to think about the worst, but he's a little worried because of him choosing his home over his own. He's afraid for his safety and wellbeing, since he knows what his parents may say and do to him. He still doesn't know all the details, but if he hates being at home, something has to be happening.

His hand gets a slight squeeze, and Kuro turns only to face Madara, quietly smiling at him. That gesture alone soothes him a little, and he just devotes himself to listening to him.

“I've never told anyone about this and I don't want you to get involved in this mess, but you have to know.” Madara says, anxiety written all over his face. “Remember a few months ago, when you were angry someone beat up the people you used to hang out with?”

“Yeah?”

“It was… me. My mother got word that someone wished for you to stop being beaten up, and send me to take care of it.”

Oh, yeah. That.

He almost forgot about it.

“Yeah, I knew.” Kuro just confesses, simply shrugging his shoulders.

Madara looks at him with a puzzled expression, not really understanding what he means with it. “You…” he breathes out, before shaking his head. “What gave it away?”

“Ya weren't afraid when ya confronted them when I was there either, Morisawa couldn't have been and ya were the only one I told anything about that.” He explains calmly, still too focused on what they have to do now.

As he listens to Madara, he already starts making the base of the cake they need for his sister's birthday later that day. It's something neither of them ever tried to do, so it will get tricky and messy. Especially because they're there together.

“Why aren't you angry at me?” Madara asks, watching him work. “You were furious with Chiaki-san.”

“I think ya know what yer doing. And I trust ya enough to protect me and my family.” He turns towards him all of a sudden, kissing him on the cheek. “When ya did it when I was there I thought it was kinda cute.” He whispers in his ear, almost too shy to admit it out loud.

It's nothing new, he's afraid of saying some things with too much conviction or for people to clearly hear it, so he just quietly whispers them. They're only for Madara to know, because the only person he's willing to share them with is him.

Madara sighs, crossing his arms. Most people would tense at that, he never closes himself off so much. Most people, though, don't know him like Kuro does. He knows exactly what that means, and it's just a sign of interior conflict. He's just thinking if that's the right thing to do or not, no more, no less.

In the end, he just looks at him with guilty eyes. “I'm sorry, even if you're not angry. You asked me to leave it alone and I didn't listen.”

“Well, my life's way better now. No one got hurt. Ya handled it pretty well, in my opinion.”

“You're way too kind to me.”

Kuro smiles, leaving the cake there for a few seconds and looking at him taking full control of it. He probably just wants to avoid his stare, but he lets him do it anyway. He knows he'll listen. 

“Well,” he sighs, “yer my boyfriend, ya get nice me.” 

Madara suddenly stops, looking at him so surprised that Kuro starts doubting his own words. Did he say something groundbreaking or too much for him? He doesn't think so, but he still looks at him as if he just said the sky is red.

To that, he just doesn't comment, and nods towards the bowl. “Pay attention to the food, Madara.” He warns him, pronouncing his name softly and carefully.

Just like that, Madara is kissing him, and he barely notices it. He kisses back, but it's way too fast for him to do anything more than that.

“Thank you.” He whispers in a barely audible breath, dragging him closer to hug him.

Kuro lets him, but he's still way too confused about the entire ordeal. “For… ?” He then asks, just to make sure he's just being suddenly clingy for a stupid reason and not a deeper one.

He'd really hate that. He'd hate knowing Madara is feeling horrible and he just doesn't realize it.

“Using my name.” He answers, giving him another kiss, this time on his cheek. “Being here for me despite everything else you have going on.” He hugs him a little tighter, giving him a kiss on the nose. “Being yourself.” He continues, kissing him on his other cheek, before looking at him. “Generally, everything.”

Those words and the inexistent distance make Kuro come closer and kiss him, keeping him steadily where he is and melting under that display of affection. Every single time they kiss, everything else gets blurrier, as if it was suddenly immersed in a dense fog, and the only thing he can feel is Madara.

His lips, his arms, his hold, his breath, his hands. That's all he can feel, and everything is so full of soft, gentle pink that he's about to explode. Everything about him right now feels like cotton candy, soft and sweet, merged with pink, dense clouds.

Everything is so soft, cute, sweet, pleasant to his every sense. A pastel pink with some whiter hues. That's how Madara feels right now.

“Anything for ya.” He whispers as soon as they part again, near his lips. His tone is warm and soft, still thinking about all those colors and textures, and he can't help but let him kiss him again.

It's even softer than the one before, and he loses himself in it, gently resting his palms against his cheeks, not really caring of how dirty they are from the little of the cake they started preparing already.

He doesn't care, just like Madara doesn't care about getting dirty. All they care about right now is each other and that kiss, almost to the point they forget they have to breathe, every once in a while.

They both leave each other's lips at the same time, and Kuro looks down immediately, only to catch his breath. Madara, on his part, kisses him on his cheeks several times, until he raises his head again and laughs as he still plants kisses all around his face. His hands are on his cheeks again, giggling at the amount of affection he's getting.

He's so happy now.

The deep, freezing blue he had a few months ago is now a warm, light yellow. Even if some of it is left in the back of his mind, most of it resembles the sun shining on a crystal clear sea, rather than a freezing desert with a dark, black sky.

Madara makes him so happy.

He quickly kisses him on his lips and gets out of his hold so he can actually finish the first part he needs for that cake. Madara lets him go, but he still watches him, attentive enough to know if he needs help with anything.

“When are ya leavin'?” He asks, still keeping his eyes on the cake.

It's not something they've talked about in detail, but he knows it's going to happen. Madara, being the wonderful boyfriend that he is, has already prepared everything Kuro may need while he's out of the country, but it doesn't make it less difficult.

They're used to seeing each other every single day, and now they're going to get used to only hearing each other's voices from a few calls per day.

It sucks and they both hate it, but there's no other way. Madara's parents were adamant about him having to go out of the country, and he can't cancel the trip in any way.

He's just glad he fought back so much to postpone it, all of it solely to stay with him.

“Late May.” He answers, putting in the bowl a few other ingredients he knows are supposed to be put at intervals while Kuro is mixing it. “So we can stay with each other for our birthdays, at least.”

Kuro can't keep hidden an honest, content smile. “You thought about that too, huh…”

He feels his cheeks get warmer, but not from the embarrassment. There isn't any shame or frustration, he's just extremely happy.

He's so happy he thinks about him at any given time and that he takes care of him.

It's not something he realized until recently, but he truly does enjoy how much he takes care of him. At first, he only didn't like it because he felt useless and pathetic, because he couldn't take care of himself properly and he felt guilty Madara had to do it for him, but now everything is different. Now, Kuro can take care of himself, and he's still taking care of him.

That's when he found out he just loves him. That's the only reason he does it. He loves him enough to spoil him. It's not for some false sense of pity towards him, he simply has a lot of love and care for him and only him.

He wants to experience that love, he thinks, with all sides possible, and for the longest time he's capable of. Not only to take it all in and know him better, but to give it all back to him too. He wants to love him and be loved by him, more than anything else.

He wants him with everything he has to offer, both good and bad.

“You asked, I made it possible.” Madara smiles back, kissing him on the cheek. “I'd do anything that makes you smile, Kuro-san.”

It’s just a whisper, but he says it next to his ear and hugs him again, this time a little quicker, releasing him almost immediately. That just makes him smile in a way that he doesn't so often. Almost never, if he has to be honest. He just makes him incredibly happy with the bare minimum, and he’s glad he does. There isn’t a single other person he would like to have there at his side, at any given time.

Kuro exhales, stopping his every movement and looking at him, leaning in to give him a quick peck on his lips. He barely touches his lips, not even expecting Madara to kiss him back, and he doesn’t. He just looks at him with a confused glare and watches as he rests his index finger under his chin and reserves a soft expression only for him. “I know,” he whispers, “I just don't wanna see ya leave.” 

He feels Madara relax and let out a short laugh, without leaving his head from the place on his finger, just looking at him with fond eyes and a warm smile. “I'll come back as soon as I can. Promise.” He slowly and gently holds his wrist, massaging the back of his arm in that spot in a soothing motion.

All he gets is a kind smile and a quick kiss, but that's already enough for him. All he needs is seeing him content and everything else just fades away into nothingness in the back of his mind.

He watches him as he prepares what they did to be put in the oven, with a precision that he's never seen him use in pretty much anything else. As he turns after setting up time and heat and making sure the cake is fine, he walks back to him, impulsively kissing him.

Madara doesn't expect it, but he's more than happy to kiss him back, letting him touch his face, hands and hair despite how dirty he still is right after baking. The kiss is a little pushy, but it's nothing like they've never done before.

His kisses were never violent, Madara ponders, and he doesn't think he's even capable of that. He's always incredibly sweet and kind that he doubts people could even be afraid of him.

“Thanks. For promising.” He smiles, right after they stop kissing. His breath is still faintly on Madara's lips, and he's able to snatch another kiss from him.

This one ends up being deeper, somehow. More intimate, more affectionate, more loving, more demanding. Kuro gets lightly pushed around, but his arms stay around Madara's shoulders, letting him kiss him and lift him up whenever he feels like it.

He loves being spoiled like that. 

He can abandon himself to him and he knows he will take care of him. He promised it, he did it in the past, he only ever loved him, he will never hurt him. He trusts him not to, because he never showed any malice whenever he's in that vulnerable state.

Even then, just saying that he trusts him wouldn't properly express what he feels.

He knows that he will always catch him. He knows that he will always be there for him. He knows he will drop everything and run to him whenever he needs help.

He knows he will always be his hero, no matter how little he may need his help.

All of a sudden, he feels Madara putting him down on some hard, solid surface, only to pull away for a few seconds. They're not far at all, their lips still touch against each other's, but they're apart enough for both of them to talk.

“We really should keep our eyes on the food.” Madara suggests, as he lets Kuro hug him and plant some kisses all around his face and side of his neck.

He listens to what he says, but he doesn't really care about it. He just put it in the oven, it's not going to cause them problems. “We are, it's fine for now.” He simply explains, before kissing him again.

They both kiss for a while, making their face even dirtier with what they used to bake. The initial slight smudge on Madara's cheek is now on both of them, and all around their faces, but they don't really care. Right now there are only them, and nothing else matters.

“Hey, Kuro-san,” Madara whispers in between two kisses, effectively stopping him from continuing. He opens his eyes, looking at him without bothering to hide the slight blush on his cheeks.

Madara takes his time, caressing his cheek before saying what he wants. He loves just taking a few moments to look at him, sometimes. He wants to appreciate how beautiful he is and how blessed he is to have a boyfriend like him. 

He doesn't even know what he would do without him now.

“Don't wanna leave either.” He whispers, kissing him on his cheek repeatedly, in slightly different spots. Since he's sitting on the table, he has to get on the tip of his toes to do it, but Kuro has pity on him and lowers his head enough for him to easily reach his cheek.

Madara giggles and whispers a tiny thanks as Kuro holds him a little closer, letting him kiss and touch him as much as he wants to.

“Mh,” Kuro hums happily, “but ya have to.” He turns to look at him, leaning in for a sweet, quick kiss. “I'll wait for ya, don't worry.”

That whisper is meant to sound like a promise, but the way his voice deepens in the end makes it sound more like an oath.

I swear on everything dear to me that I will wait for you.

That's what it sounded like, to him.

He just kisses him again, keeping their faces close, their lips almost touching, their hands on each other's cheeks. 

They feel each other's breath and they almost kiss again for how close they still are, before Madara interrupts it. “I know you will.” He whispers, tracing Kuro's bottom lip with his thumb. It has nothing else except pure affection, and that's exactly how Kuro takes it. Affection, just like everything else he's ever given him.

All of a sudden, he hugs him, burying his face in his chest. Kuro hugs him back on impulse, without really knowing what's happening. He just feels Madara brushing his head on his chest, making himself comfortable there.

If he has to be completely honest, he's starting to get worried. “Mada-”

“I just wish I could keep seeing you every day.” Madara interrupts him, as his hands grip on his shirt a little tighter to keep in the tears he promised not to show him.

He kept them in for all this time, for both of their sakes, but he just can't do it anymore. He's always thought Kuro would be the one that would need the most help getting used to it, but it's not completely true. He's used to going away like that, but this time is different.

Kuro is in his life now, and that makes leaving so much more difficult.

“I just want to keep seeing you.” He whispers, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence. “I don't want to lose the first person that I…”

That I ever trusted. That I loved more than anything else. That I want to protect after all this time.

He wants to say all of that to him, he needs him to know just how important he is to him. So much that he broke down in front of him just by thinking about the fact that he can't even see him for an entire year.

“Madara.” His voice is warm and clear, calm and insistent. It alone makes him raise his head again and let Kuro get off of the table, still holding his hands. 

As he turns towards him, his vision gets a little blurry, but Kuro realizes immediately and holds up his head with his palms, gently and caringly. “Madara, look at me.” he whispers, as lovingly as humanly possible, waiting for him to look at him. “It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine. I promise.”

He exhales deeply, keeping Kuro's hands on his face using his own hands, almost so embarrassed about that break that he doesn't even look at him. 

He does, however, follows his lead when he leans in to kiss him, in an attempt to calm him down. It works, only because Madara kisses him back and leans on him with his body, taking in everything he can get now from him, and to which he'll have to say goodbye to in a couple of months.

“I love you.” He whispers as soon as they stop, caressing his cheeks with his fingertips, almost holding onto him to stay focused and not cry again.

As a response, Kudo hugs him closer and gives him a quick kiss to make sure he's still with him and not feeling like before either.

He giggles as he looks at him, coming a little closer to whisper something only he could know. “Right back at ya.” 

Another kiss, Madara soon realizes, this time a little more demanding. Not by much, but he can feel just a tint of desperation from Kuro.

They don't want to get separated.

Neither of them wants to live alone again after everything they've gone through together. Not after every moment they shared, or secret they muttered to each other.

They don't want to be alone and lonely anymore.

Despite those feelings, though, they need to let each other go for a while, just to protect each other. Madara is protecting Kuro by keeping him off of his parents' radar, while Kuro is protecting Madara by letting him go and helping him with his life in general.

They just want each other to be safe, and right now that's the most important thing for both of them.

“We can call.” Kuro suggests, keeping him close. “Don't wanna give up on yer voice.”

Madara looks at him more than confused, not really understanding the reasoning of that request. “Most people just say it's annoying, though?” He says, tentatively, without knowing what answer would exactly come out of him.

He doesn't even know what to expect, really. He never had many friends, and certainly not ones as close to him as Kuro is, but he hopes it's not going to be an answer he regrets hearing.

Knowing Kuro and how much he loves him, though, it's not going to be anything but a heartwarming comment.

Kuro nods, fondly looking at him. “Sometimes. But whenever we're alone, ya always use this deep, soothing voice I love.” He inhales and closes his eyes, almost looking like he's replaying it in his head. “It's warm and soft pink, and I'd listen to it forever.”

At that moment, Madara makes the mistake of looking at him. He looks at him with such an adoring gaze that he can barely think about anything else except how loved he is, even just by him.

He loves him.

If he asked him to go abroad with him, he'd probably say yes on impulse, just to stay with him.

Realistically, he never would, both because his family needs him there and because he needs to keep up with the school, but he knows he would want to. That's how much he loves him, and he needs to remember that.

“You're the best thing that happened to me.” He breathes out, almost accidentally. Almost, because he's been wanting to tell him for a good while, but he could never find the strength to.

Of course, now he's afraid of what could happen. He blankly looks at Kuro when he realizes what he just said, expecting to wait for him for a while. No one can respond to that in a matter of seconds, after all.

No one, except Kuro Kiryu, evidently.

In fact, he immediately kisses him, sweet and loving, without taking much of their time. Madara has always loved those kisses, they always treat him like something precious that can't be broken and needs special attention.

He loves everything about it, even Kuro smiling brightly afterwards, kissing his nose before talking again. “Love ya too, Madara.” He whispers, with a happy tone not many people heard him use.

Not even Madara heard it from him until now, and he just smiles at that, hugging him a little tighter. He looks down, seeing him laugh and smile like he never did before.

It's what he deserves, he thinks, just a life full of happiness and fun. After everything that he went through to get here, he wants him to keep those feelings as close to his heart as possible.

“I'm so happy, Madara.” Kuro tells him, swinging his arms around his shoulders and letting him hold as close as possible to kiss him again, this time on his cheek. Kuro almost doesn't even notice.

He rests his head on his shoulder, never stopping to smile. “Ya helped me build a life again. Yer already a big part of it, and even if yer leaving for a few months, I don't wanna lose ya.”

“You won't.” Madara smiles at him, gently rubbing his back. “You know I'll always come back to you, no matter what.”

Kuro nods, turning to look at him in his calm, green eyes. “I know you'll always swing by and catch me, whatever is happening.”

Madara smiles and lifts him up again, smiling when Kuro wraps himself around him as soon as he notices what's happening. “Got you. Always.” He whispers in his chest, as he gently pets his hair.

He could stay like that forever. Knowing that Kuro is healthy and happy, that his family is doing better in so many ways, that they're going to be fine as long as they come back to each other… He truly wants to believe in that world. He wants to fight for that world.

He wants to fight to be able to keep on loving Kuro, and to keep being a part of his family.

He loves his life with him. He can see a future for both of them now that doesn't involve suffering and pain, and he wants to reach it, with all of them.

He wants to be happy, with him, as part of the family that loved and accepted him immediately. 

That's the one thing he wants, and nothing and no one, nor even his parents, is going to keep it away from him. Even if it takes him every ounce of his energy, he will fight for them and reach that happiness with them.

No matter what he says about his duties and responsibilities, he wants to keep living a life that gives him that amount of happiness and joy. For once, he wants ro be selfish and wish for something he alone wants.

I want to stay with him forever. I want to be happy for the rest of my life. That's all I'll ever ask.

He hears Kuro giggle, maybe as an answer to how happy both of them are, but he can't help but think that someone heard him, and realized his wish. It's stupid and he knows it more than anyone else, but he wants to believe in something for once.

He needs to believe they will run back to each other. No matter what.

Kuro holds his hand and Madara immediately intertwines their fingers together as if it's a reflex his hand learned with time. That's enough to hold onto each other for now. 

Maybe it will also be enough for the following months. Maybe, that's all it takes. Maybe, he will go back to him without problems.

Worrying about all of that is useless now, though, he realizes. He just has to hold on into his trust in Kuro and believe in them. They will go back to each other. There's no doubt about it.

Notes:

It's over :] Sorry for the lore-heavy chapter but I wanted to talk about Kuro's father, since this fic centers on Kuro's situation more than on Madara's. Hope everyone enjoyed this little project, I'll probably be back for their second year at some point <3 Good luck to everyone going for the MaM event too!!

Notes:

Umh. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it's currently at 22k words and I still have to write the entirety of the second half, so here we are. It will also be the first part of a series that will cover everything until their third year because I'm mentally ill about them and they deserve everything <3 Hope you enjoy it all!!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Gasoline