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And The Devil Makes Three

Chapter Text


You and me, and the Devil, makes three.


Steve can't remember anything. He can hardly remember the last thing he did, before it went dark. His head was pounding, and his eyes felt heavy. 

He groaned and tried to open them, but he felt so tired. Every time he got them open the slightest crack, his vision was blurry. But something did feel off, besides everything else.

He felt like he was being carried. He moved his head and with his blurred vision, he saw a shape above him. His frail body was in the arms of someone. It wouldn't take much to pick him up, he was less than 100 pounds. 

He couldn't see the face of the person, and the harder he tried, the more tired he became. So when his eyes were closed for more than a few seconds, he slipped back into unconsciousness.


He began to stir, hours later. He still felt groggy, but his eyes weren't as heavy. When he opened them, his vision was still blurry. 

But then he heard a soft voice say "You're awake."

The blonde looked around, and he saw a figure standing there. He quickly sat up on what appeared to be a mattress, and his vision began to clear. When it did, he blinked a few times, and saw a man standing there.

Steve swallowed and slowly scooted back on the mattress until his back touched the cold brick wall. He felt his chest constricting, and he was afraid he might have an asthma attack.

The man quickly saw his distress and he quickly said "Wait no, don't be afraid! Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you!"

Steve stopped and he looked at the man. He had shoulder length brown hair, intense blue eyes that were almost grey, short gruffy facial hair, and full, pouted lips.

He was wearing a dark red long sleeve sweater, and dark blue jeans. Was he was the one who carried Steve?

The man slowly stepped forwards and he looked nervous. He kidnapped Steve, and he looks nervous. He slowly sat down near Steve and swallowed.

He asked "What's your name?"

The smaller man said "Get away from me."

The man said "Look, I don't wanna hurt you. And I won't...My name is Bucky."

Steve nodded and swallowed. He said "Steve."

Bucky nodded a little and said "If you wanna go back to sleep, go ahead. I'll come back in an hour or so to give you something to eat, okay?"

Steve nodded and said "Okay."

Bucky nodded again and said "I'm glad I got to meet you, Steve...You seem very nice."

Steve swallowed and said "Y-You too, Bucky." And then Bucky stood up, and walked out of the room. He closed the door behind him, and locked it up. 

Steve couldn't go back to sleep. He was wide awake now. So he slowly moved onto his side, and curled up in a ball on the cot. There were pillows and a nice warm blanket for him. Not like it mattered. 

So he slowly rested his head on the soft pillow, and pulled the blanket up over him, to warm him up. Steve let his eyes wander around the room from the side. He looked like he was trapped in a basement or something.

He couldn't really tell. The walls were brick ones, old and dirty. The floor was cold concrete. There were two buckets off in the corner of the room, and then there was the cot. The mattress was a little uncomfortable, with squeaky springs. 

But despite all that, the room was surprisingly warm. Which was good, since the blonde is severely prone to getting sick. Even a little exposure to cold was bad. But he felt warm, and was even more so with the blanket on him.

If he met Bucky, he wonders how the others will be, if there is anymore. Bucky may be bigger than Steve, but he doesn't look like he could hurt a fly.

Steve pushed the thoughts aside and closed his eyes. He swallowed and felt tears swell up in his eyes. He felt his lip quivering, and felt one run down his cheek. 


He laid there staring at the wall for what felt like hours. Then he could hear someone coming towards the door. 

He quickly sat up and he heard Bucky ask "Steve? Steve, i-it's Bucky. I got some food for you, okay?"

Steve swallowed and said "O-Okay!"

Then he could hear the jingling of keys, and then the lock was turned. When the door opened, he saw Bucky standing there, holding a plate in his hand. I brought you a sandwich, is that okay?" 

Steve nodded and said "Yeah, that's um...That's fine, thank you."

Bucky nodded and went over and handed him the plate.

After he was done, he asked "You full?"

The blonde nodded, after Bucky set the plate aside, he looked back over at Steve. Steve became worried, cause he could see something in Bucky's eyes. It almost looked like fear.

Steve asked "What is it?"

Bucky looked down, then said "He wants...He wants me to get you ready.."

Steve raised an eyebrow and asked "Who?"

Bucky swallowed and quietly said "I can't say. I'll be right back."

He quickly got up and walked out, before closing the door and locking it.

Steve sighed, and rubbed his face with his hand. A few minutes later, the door was unlocked again, and Bucky was back. And this time, he was holding a red dress on a hanger and a pair of red flats.

He looked up at Steve through his lashes and said "He said...He said he wants you in this. Take your clothes off, I won't look. Hurry."

He handed him the stuff, and then turned until his back was facing him. Steve swallowed and quickly stood up, before pulling his clothes off until he was in nothing but his underwear, and shivered at the sudden cold. He felt the material of the red dress and quickly pulled it on, adjusting it.

The chest part laid ruffled against him, due to his lack of breasts, and he quickly pulled his socks off and slipped into the flats. He quickly wrapped his arms around himself and said "O-Okay, I'm done.."

He quickly turned around and his face hardly changed. He took a deep breath and said "Wow...You look beautiful.."

Steve swallowed and that's when Bucky pulled something out of his pocket. A tube of lipstick, and a small container of eye-shadow.

He came over and said "Sit down." Steve obeyed, and watched as Bucky opened the container of eye-shadow.

He then looked up into Steve's eyes and said "Close your eyes. He wants you to wear this."

Steve nodded he closed his eyes. That's when he felt a gentle pressure on his eyelids. He swallowed and asked "Who is he? This guy?"

Bucky said "I don't see him often. But he's bad...Can't say anything else...Alright, open."

Steve slowly opened his eyes, and he was looking into Bucky's grey ones. Bucky nodded and said "Good so far. Open your mouth a little."

Steve obeyed and after he got the lipstick on, Bucky said "Good...I gotta go, he wants to see you, now. Wait here."

Steve quickly grabbed at Bucky's harm, gently squeezing at the defined muscle. Bucky looked back at him and Steve quietly said "Please don't leave."

Bucky swallowed and he looked like he didn't wanna leave. But he just said "I'm sorry Steve...I'm so sorry." Then got up, and walked out.





*Steve's dress and shoes*


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Soon, he heard heavy footsteps in front of his door. When the door was unlocked, it opened, and Bucky was there again. But he was dressed different.

He furrowed his eyebrows and asked "Bucky?"

And he sure looked different.

It looked exactly like Bucky, but the look on his face, and his stance, it was as if someone else was standing there.

And from taking one look at him, he knew he was about to go through something awful.

The man that looked like Bucky, had a hard, cold look in his eyes and on his face. His lips were pressed in a tight, firm line.

He wore no shirt, revealing defined muscle, had tight black pants on, and black boots. And his left arm was made of metal. Gleaming silver, with a red star painted on it.

Steve swallowed and slowly shrinked away from him on his cot. The man said "Get up." He sounded like he was in no mood to be fucked with. 

When Steve didn't comply, the man started marching over until he was close to the cot, and Steve quickly stood up. He hugged himself and kept his gaze fixed down. 

Then the man said "Look at up me. When I speak to you, you will look at me." He looked up at him through his lashes and the look in his eyes, looked evil. Void of any sign that Bucky inhabited him.

His blue eyes scanned Steve's painted face, and gently cupped the blondes chin in his hand. Then he pulled his head back to examine the rest of him.

The dress was loose on him, but it still clung to him, somewhat. It appeared to give him some form of curvature, despite his frailty.

Steve kept his eyes fixed on the mans face, and suddenly felt something cold touch his arm. He saw it was the fingers on his metal arm, gently grazing along his skin. 

Then the dropped his right hand from his chin, and used the flesh of that hand, to do the same. Soon he was slowly rubbing up and down Steve's boney arms and his eyes flicked up to his. He asked "You get all dressed up for me?"

Steve swallowed and nodded. The man quickly said "Boy, I wanna hear an answer. Did you get all dressed up for me?"

Steve nodded again and said "Y-Yes, Sir."

The man nodded and stopped rubbing his arms and started to trail them down his thin waist, and down to his tiny hips. He repeated the process, and said "You are gorgeous...Couldn't wait to get my hands on you, was drivin' myself nuts..."

He quickened his pace and Steve could feel his skin crawl. The man groaned and said "Fuck...I gotta take you to my room, but I wish I could just fuck you right here..."

Steve quickly closed his eyes and next thing he knows, he's quickly being thrown over he mans shoulder. Steve gasped and quickly started squirming in his grasp, kicking his legs wildly, trying to punch at his back, but he just laughed.

He said "Oh, I'm gonna have some fun with you, baby." 

Steve started screaming his head off, trying to call for help, but the man just laughed. He said "Scream all you want, Boy...Nobody's comin' to save you."


When they had gotten to a certain room, the man carried him inside, and kicked the door closed behind him. He carried him to a real bed, and tossed him onto it. Steve landed on it, almost hitting his head on the metal frame. 

That's when he looked and saw handcuffs. Two sets, each with one cuff hooked around the metal frame of the bed.

Steve's eyes widened and that's when the man grabbed him by his ankle and yanked him back.

Steve squirmed and struggled as he got on top of him, but he was no match against the bigger man.

Tears were streaming hot down the blondes face, and the weight of the man was starting to crush down on Steve's tiny body.

Steve started breathing erratically and screamed "B-Bucky...Bucky please, please! I-It's me, it's Steve!"

He kept struggling while the man grabbed his tiny wrist and quickly wrapped the cuff around it and tightened it, to where it was uncomfortable.

He did the same with the other one, all while the smaller boy was still thrashing around.

The man said "Easy there, hot stuff...You'll wear yourself out. You're gonna need your strength to keep up with me, baby."

Steve whimpered as he saw a bandana being dangled in front of his face. As the man tried to place it in the blondes mouth so he could tie it, Steve sank his teeth into the mans hand.

He cried out in pain, and quickly pulled his hand back as if it just got burnt. "Fuck! You fuckin' whore!" That's when large hands wrapped around Steve's skinny throat, and squeezed.

His eyes went wide and gasped for air, but he squeezed tighter. Steve's hands flew up to meet his in an attempt to pull them off.

The man leaned down and Steve felt hot air hit his neck. "You don't wanna fuck with me, Boy...I was gonna be easy with you, but now...Not a chance."

He finally let go, and Steve gasped loudly, before coughing, trying to keep his breathing under control.

The man quickly turned the blonde onto his back, causing his wrists above him to cross over, twisting uncomfortably.

Steve winced at the discomfort, and that's when he felt his underwear getting yanked off of him under the dress.

Then the man grabbed hold of the hem and shoved it up, bunching it up past his belly button. He blushed at his exposure, and was praying for a way to cover his shame as the mans cold eyes lingered at his nakedness below the waist.

Then his eyes flickered up to Steve's and smiled wickedly. He held his gaze as he pulled his black pants down, pulling them only down to his thighs. He was names underneath.

Steve's eyes didn't dare leave the mans, as he smiled above him. That's when his smile disappeared and suddenly, a searing pain collided with the side of the blondes face.

He cried out in pain like an injured dog, and realized the man had hit him. His cheek ignited with pain, and more tears flooded from his eyes.

The man took hold of his face with his right hand, and forced him to look at him.

Steve swallowed and quietly said "Bucky please-" and was cut off by another blow to his face.

After being hit a few more times, he was surprised he was still conscious. The man shifted his position, moving in between Steve's spread legs.

He threw the blondes skinny legs around his hips, and moved until his ass was practically sitting on his knees.

The man smiled and he looked like the Devil. Or maybe worse, if it were possible.

He said "I dunno if you've ever been fucked before...You don't look like you have...But don't worry baby, I'll take care of you."

Steve swallowed hard and his eyes felt heavy. He prayed he'd fall into unconsciousness, but nothing was working.

Suddenly he felt something hard against his entrance, and squirmed. The man chuckled and said "Hold still now, Beautiful...Was gonna be nice to ya, slick myself up, go nice and slow, but...Bad little boys get punished."

Steve's mouth dropped open and a tiny sound escaped his throat as his sacred entrance was being slowly forced opened by something big. Too big to be fingers. Suddenly the man quickly snapped his hips forward, and Steve cried out.

Tears pooled in his eyes and the mans eyes fluttered closed, before he moaned. He hung his head and Steve whimpered.

The tears rolled down his cheeks, and the man pulled back, before snapping back forward. His length now fully sat in the blondes body.

"Fuck, so tight...You're perfect, baby." And he slowly started moving, and the blonde quickly screwed his eyes shut.

The man thrust forward hard, causing Steve's eyes to shoot open. The man gave him a cold look and said "Keep your eyes open, or I'll snap your neck."

Steve whimpered and nodded, and the man started moving again. But he wasn't going slow anymore. He moved fast and hard, and it was more excruciating than anything Steve has ever felt.

He cried and pleaded for him to stop, but he was ignored. It only caused the Devil above him, to quicken his pace more, gripping the blondes hips so tight, Steve thought he'd break them while the man brutalized his body.

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He kept moving, trying to bring himself closer to Steve, if it were possible. Then he grunted and stopped, pressing forward, with Steve's thighs in his hands.

He pushed them up, bringing his knees close to his stomach, and started pounding into him again, and Steve gasped and cried out when he started hitting a bundle of nerves in his body.

The man groaned and said "There it is...Been lookin' for that.." and made it to where he kept hitting the same spot over and over.

Steve is very much inexperienced when it comes to sex. He's never been with anyone, he's never had much urges to touch himself, he's never even been kissed by anyone. He always imagined his first time being with someone he loved. Not like this.

The man continuously rammed into that spot, causing Steve to involuntarily moan and whimper, his body going against him. His body wanted to be touched, his body wanted release, while his mind prayed for death. Quick and painless, to put him out of his misery.

The man noticed Steve's hardened manhood, and smiled. "Awww, you needin' some attention, Doll? Well maybe if you were a good boy and didn't bite me, I'd let you cum until you're seein' stars...You cum, and I'll beat you senseless."

Just when Steve could feel his unwelcome release almost hitting him, the man squeezed at Steve's member too tight, drawing a shrill yelp from the blonde.

Soon the man stopped and Steve felt him shutter as he came in him, filling him up. The man moaned and pulled out of him.

Steve quietly sobbed and closed his eyes. He turned his head away, and felt the man moving on the bed. Suddenly the blonde felt a heavy weight on his chest, and he started wheezing. The man was sitting on his chest, his spent, leaking cock in the blondes face.

He desperately needed his inhaler, he hopes he kept it after kidnapped him.

The man said "Oh stop it with that Asthma shit, Boy. If you're good, I'll give you your inhaler. But for now, I'd behave if I were you, and you'll get it back.."

He bucked his hips forward and said "Open your mouth, and suck. Taste your pretty ass off my cock."

Steve looked up at him through his lashes and swallowed before slowly opening his mouth. The man said "Good boy...Be careful with those pretty teeth now...You bite down, and I'll make you wish you were never conceived. You gonna be my good boy?"

Steve closed his mouth and nodded again. He quietly said "Y-Yes...I-I'll be your...Your good b-boy.."

"Good...Now open back up, baby."

Steve obeyed and before he could take a breath, the man shoved his length in his mouth.

Steve flinched and kept from biting down, while the man quickly thrusted his hips forward, moaning while Steve tried to keep up with him.

He quickly hollowed his cheeks off and sucked him off. Anything to keep him alive, even thought right now, he wish he wasn't.

While he did that, the man leaned back on his arm, while his left hand was busy, holding the back of the smaller boys head.

Steve jumped a little when he felt the flesh of his right hand, slowly stroked at his straining length. The man grunted and said "Remember baby, don't cum."

'Well how am I supposed to do that, when you're touching me like that?!' The blonde thought. He wanted to say it out loud, but didn't. But he knew what the man was doing.
He wants him to cum, just so he has an excuse to beat him. But every time he felt himself getting close again, he'd squeeze tight, cutting it off. Steve's body was protesting, but he needed to stay focused.

After a few minutes that felt like hours, the man stopped touching him, but gave one more, painful squeeze, keeping the blonde in check, and muttered "Shit." and Steve felt a bitter taste, quickly fill his mouth.

The man groaned and pulled away, before fucking his fist over his cock and shooting more of his release all over the blondes face.

Then he panted and said "Holy shit...Fuck, you look so fuckin' pretty like this, Doll...Look at you...Swallow that up now, like a good boy."

Steve wanted to shake his head no, but he didn't obey. The man said "Swallow it, or I'll bash your teeth in." Steve's eyes widened and he quickly obeyed, swallowing the seed, his eyes screwing shut.

He said "Good boy...Now was that so hard? I'll tell you what, I'll clean your pretty face up, and I'll take you back to your room, okay? Maybe We'll have fun in there, next time.."

Steve just nodded and stayed still as the man used the bandana from earlier, to clean the cum from his face and on his lips.

Steve just stared at the ceiling as his wrists were un-cuffed. Tears and leftover spunk stained his cheeks. He didn't wanna move, he didn't wanna breathe.

When the man lifted his weightless arms in his body, Steve felt like a corpse. His eyes remained fixed on the ceiling as he was carried back to his room, and set back down on his cot.

The man gently stroked his cheek with the back of his hand and said "Remember, don't you dare cum until I say so." Then he just turned and walked out.

As soon as Steve heard the familiar locking of the door, he launched himself off the cot, and ran to the far corner of the room.

He quickly dropped to his knees, and started throwing up. He heaved into an empty bucket that happened to be there, and sobbed while he did it.

After a couple minutes, he stopped and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He sat there, staring at the cold brick wall, his vision going in and out of focus.

More tears rolled down his cheeks, and he quickly scooted away from the corner, his sore rear hitting the cold concrete.

He yelped and shifted onto his side, scooting over to another corner. Once he was leaning up against the cold bricks, he rested his head against them, and started crying.

He cried until his chest was constricting, and he couldn't breathe. He was silently praying to God or whoever was listening up there, to please let him have an attack, and let it kill him. Put him out of his misery.

He pulled at the dress, trying to cover his now half hard erection from the chill of there room, and spent the rest of the night crying.

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He had no idea what time it was. No indication of the day, nothing. He sat there on the floor the whole night. He wanted to sleep on the cot, but he never forced his sore body to move.

He had long stopped crying, and just stared out at the wall across the room. He stared at it so long, he was hoping it would do something. Come forward and crush him like in that one Star Wars movie. He wouldn't mind it one bit.

His tears sat dried on his face, and was lost in his thoughts, when he heard the door unlocking. His eyes quickly darted to the door. He's coming back. More pain.

The door opened, and his fears were not confirmed. Bucky poked his head in and his eyes searched the room for Steve. He was dressed in the same clothes when they met.

His eyes quickly landed on the blonde in the corner, and he looked as if he had seen a Ghost. All color void from his face.

He said "Oh my God, Steve." He quickly pushed the door out of his way, and rushed over to the smaller boy.

But Steve quickly scooted away and screamed "No! No, don't hurt me anymore, PLEASE!" Shielding his arms over his face.

Bucky squatted down next to him and he said "Steve, Steve stop! I won't hurt you!"

Steve just flailed his arms at him, slapping him, trying to get away, but Bucky just grabbed Steve's boney wrists and stopped him.

Bucky said "Steve...Steve sto-STEVE! I won't hurt you!" His wide eyes fixed on Steve's.

Steve just shook his head and sobbed. He hung his head down and quietly said "Yes you will...You already did..."

Bucky said "It wasn't me, Steve."

Steve yanked his wrists out of his grip and shoved at him. He yelled "It was you! You came in here, dragged me to your room, and you hurt me! Who else could it be, Bucky?! Do you have an identical twin or something?!"

Bucky shook his head and softly said "No, I don't."

Steve asked "What are you doing this to me? Did I do something to you, Bucky?"

The brunette shook his head and said "No, you didn't do anything to me, Steve...He wanted you, he made me get you."

"Who? Who else could be here with us?! If you don't have a twin, then you sure found someone who looks exactly like you!"

Bucky leaned in towards his face and said "He's in my head, Steve." His voice cracking, and shaky.

Steve looked at him, and Bucky looked honest to God, scared to death. His grey eyes were glossed over with tears and he swallowed.

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He said "He's in my head. He's been in my head for a long time, a-and I can't get him out...He makes me do awful things, unforgivable things, and I've tried so hard to get him out -" He paused for a moment, before he continued.

"When he shows up, he puts me away somewhere, so he could take over. I swear my soul to God, I did not hurt you last night...I wanna get you cleaned up, I swear I would never hurt you. Okay?"

Steve slowly nodded and Bucky said "Okay, here, lemme get you up, can you stand?"

Steve shook his head and said "I don't..I don't know.."

Bucky nodded and gently helped him to his feet, and Steve cried out. Bucky flinched at it, and said "Okay, here, I'll carry you. This'll probably hurt, hut just hold onto me, okay?"

The blonde nodded and Bucky said "Alright. 1..2..3." He quickly scooped Steve up in his arms, bridal style, and Steve cried out again, squirming.

Bucky said "Easy, easy, shhh. It's okay. Just hold onto me, it's okay."

Steve quickly wrapped his thin arms around the bigger mans neck, as he carried him out of the room. He walked them down the hallway, until he turned into a bathroom.

Steve saw an old looking bathtub, but it was clean, and filled with water. Bucky said "Alright, just stay still, I'm gonna put you down, and get that dress off you, okay?"

Steve had long ditched the shoes, but he nodded and Bucky gently sat him down on his feet in front of him.

Bucky asked "Can you lift your arms?"

Steve nodded and slowly raised them above his eyes, and he felt him grab at the fabric. Bucky kept his eyes on Steve's as he gently pulling it up, until it was off him.

He dropped it to the floor by their feet, and Steve covered himself. Bucky gently raised his left hand up to the blondes bruised face, and was about to touch on a certain spot, when he dropped his hand.

He said "Alright, I'm gonna put you in the tub, just hold onto me again, okay?"

The blonde nodded and winced as the brunette gently scooped him back up, and started to gently sit him down in the hot water.

It wasn't boiling hot, but it was hot. Steve winced again, until his rear touched the bottom of the tub. Bucky's sleeves were already rolled up past his elbows, so after he set Steve down in the water, he pulled his hands out, and pushed his hair back behind his ears.

He said "Alright, after this, I'll put some ice on your bruises...But first, I'm gonna get this crap off your face."

Steve nodded and Bucky stood up and went over to the sink, before grabbing a couple paper towels. He turned one of the knobs on the sink, and wadded the towel up, before running it under the water.

After he shut it off, he came back over to the blonde, and gently got down on his knees, beside the tub. He brought his hand up towards Steve's face and said "Okay, just stay still for me...After this, I'll help clean you up if you need it, if not, I'll go sit over there."

He pointed over to a corner in the room with a metal folding chair pointed at them. Steve nodded and Bucky quietly said "Alright, here were go.." He decided to started with Steve's lips. He could tell they were busted in a couple places.

The brunette slowly started wiping at the red on his lips, Steve wincing, instantly pulling back. Bucky said "Shh-Sh-Sh, I know, I'm sorry...I'll try my best, just stay still."

Steve nodded to allow him to continue, and he remained as still as possible so Bucky could get it off. Then Bucky said "Alright, I think that parts done...God, the ones on your eyes look really bad. I'll be so careful, I swear."

Steve nodded again and hissed when Bucky started wiping at the makeup on his bruised eye. Being as gentle as he humanly could. Steve finds it remarkable. It's as if a whole other person was taking care of him like this. But then remembered, it was the same man.

A man who was gentle, quiet, and afraid. The one giving him a bath to help take care of him, after he brutally beat and raped him. That part is just too hard to look past. No matter how Bucky is treating him, that evil man is trapped in his body with him.

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When Bucky woke up this morning, his head was pounding. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurred. he stared up at the ceiling of his room, and groaned. 

He felt a strange sensation going on inside his pants. When he looked, he saw a small amount of dried cum, and some on his cock. 

'Oh no.' He thought. His eyes widened and he quickly pulled the pants off, and threw them to the floor. 'Not again.'

He quickly grabbed at the shirt and pants he remembers wearing before he blacked out, and decided a bath is what he needed.


While he sat there in the tub, he stared down at the water. His arms hung down over the edges of the tub, and he wondered what he did.

He can never remember what happens when he blacks out. But when he wakes up as himself again, he always has a terrible feeling in his gut that he did something awful.

That's when he started wondering about Steve. He's sure the bastard hurt him, since he got him ready for him. When he gets out, he's gonna check on Steve.

It's been almost 5 years since it happened. What happened to him in Russia. He regrets ever going there. After he got away, he was never the same. He's been alone since then. But when the other guy comes, he causes so much trouble. 

After he quickly cleaned himself up, he got out, dried off, and got dressed. 'I'm comin' Steve.' 


It's been almost 5 years since it happened. What happened to him in Russia. He regrets ever going there. After he got away, he was never the same. He's been alone since then. But when the other guy comes, he causes so much trouble. 

After he quickly cleaned himself up, he got out, dried off, and got dressed. 'I'm comin' Steve.' 


'You hurt him!'

'No Buddy boy, WE hurt him. You're the plane, and I'm the pilot. You should be thanking me, it's been awhile since we last got laid.'

'You beat him up, you raped him!'

'Ughhh you're so irritating!  And again, WE did it. WE meaning, more than one. Don't be such a sap, the little bitch has a great ass. Felt like Heaven. Loosen up a little man, don't be so serious!'

'I hate you.'


'Drop dead.'

'You first.'


The brunette swallowed and asked "Do um...Do you want me to help you clean up? O-Or do you think you got it?"

Steve said "N-No, it's okay...I think I got it, thank you."

Bucky nodded and grabbed a clean washcloth near the tub. He handed it to the blonde and said "Here you go. I'll be sitting just right over there. If you need me, just say so, okay?"

Steve nodded and watched as the bigger man went over and sat in the chair. He crossed his arms over his chest, and closed his eyes.

Steve swallowed and dipped the cloth into the warm water. He slowly started running it up and down his thin arm, gently cleaning at his skin.

His eyes flickered up at Bucky, and his eyes were still closed. Then Steve started rubbing the cloth on his skin harder. He scrubbed until a big red spot was forming on his pale skin. He stopped and panted, and looked at his work. 

It looked as if he was itching his arm a lot, and it was red from it. He started doing that with the other arm, and furiously scrubbed at the rest of his body, avoiding his on edge cock, heading the bad mans warning.

Soon he stopped and sighed, lettojf his head gently hit against the wall with a dull thump. He looked over and saw Bucky was asleep. He looks tired. Must be real tiring sharing a mind and body with a rapist monster. 

Besides that, Bucky's different. The way he looked at the blonde today, the regret and shame in his eyes. That's somewhat comforting. He wonders what must've happened to him, to get his other side. 

Was he like this his whole life, or did something really traumatic happen? What got him his metal arm? What broke him?

'No, stop it. Don't sympathize. He may be on his good side now, hut it's only a matter of time before he gets to see his other side again.'

But in a way, Steve kinda feels like he knows how he feels. Steve's endured tragedy in his life. His father being murdered, his mother dying, having no one after that. Then there's his most recent tragedy. 

'You'll never be the same, Rogers.' And he didn't disagree. He's heard all about this whole Stockholm Syndrome thing. Sympathizing with people who hurt you. Trap you with them, until you feel sorry for them, or potentially falling in love with them, like Harley Quinn with The Joker. Bucky seems like he's Harley. And he's trapped with The Joker, forever.


Steve must've dozed off, cause when he woke up, the water was cold. He shivered, and looked over at Bucky. He was awake, and was looking over at the wall.

Steve cleared his throat and the bigger mans attention, was now fixed on him. Steve said "Alright, I think it's time for me to get out.."

Steve felt a strange feeling coming from Bucky. Maybe he had just woken up, but he felt different. 

Bucky just nodded and stood up, before coming over to the tub. He gently put his hands on Steve, and carefully helped him out of the tub.

Steve slipped a little, and the brunette quickly caught him, steadying him back to normal. Steve gripped his arms and his shirt tight, and he looked up at him through his lashes. He swallowed and said "Thanks."

The bigger man nodded and said "Anytime, Baby." 

Steve's breath hitched, and he thought his heart has stopped. His eyes quickly darted down and back up, and when he looked back at his face, he knew it wasn't Bucky.

The man smiled wickedly and asked "Miss me, beautiful?"

Chapter Text

Steve slowly took a step back, and the man just stepped forward. He grinned and said "Aww c'mon now, sweetheart. Don't be like that...I missed you..."

Steve swallowed and quietly asked "W-Wheres Bucky?"

He chuckled and "Oh I put Buckaroo on a little siesta. That boy needs it, He's really been on edge the past few years."

Steve nodded and kept slowly moving, making his way towards the closed door. 

The man chuckled and said "You're so cute...Anyone ever tell you that? They should, look at you...Pretty face, and thar perfect little body you got...Mmm..."

Steve slowly reached his hand back for the doorknob. The man quickly stepped forward and said "I wouldn't do that if I were you, sweetheart. If you're good, I'll let you cum. I know how bad you need it.."

Steve just hissed "Fuck you." And turned to the door. He quickly opened it and started running. Naked or not, he's gonna get out of this house. He didn't bother trying to close the door on him, he wouldn't have had enough time.

Normally, he couldn't run very far, before getting winded. But he didn't care. He'd rather die from an attack, before letting him get hurt again. So he ran. He ran through this big place, hoping he could find his way out before it's too late.

He quickly found stairs, and quickly ran down them. But sadly, he ended up tripping, and his small body flew before hitting the cold concrete floor.

He gasped and groaned in pain, feeling it everywhere. But then he felt more pain igniting in his ankle. He looked down at it, and he's no doctor, but it sure doesn't look how it's supposed to look.

He sobbed and reached out to touch it, when he could hear loud footsteps, thundering towards him like a team of horses. He quickly snapped put of it and started moving on his elbows, crawling towards what looked like, the front door. He moved as quickly as he could, and before he could reach it, he was harshly yanked back. By the same injured ankle.

Steve cried out, and the man kept pulling him back. The smaller boy fought with all his might trying to get out of his hold, but the man yanked his ankle again, this time twisting it, a sickening crunch echoing between them.

Steve's eyes widened and he screamed even louder, tears rolling down his cheeks. Steve cried "Stop! Please stop!"

The man quickly got him on his back and the next thing he knows, the man kicks at his stomach hard. All the air left his weak lungs, and he struggled to make a sound.

Then the man quickly got down on his knees, and tangled his fingers through the blonds hair, yanking his head up. The last thing Steve sees before he passes out, is a fist coming towards his face.


When his eyes slowly flutter open, he feels like someone had fun bashing at his head with a baseball bat. He groaned and his eyes looked around. He was back in the bathroom. Lying on the floor.

He then noticed his upper body was sort of moving. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. That's when he heard grunting and felt movement behind him.

He quickly turned his head, ignoring the pop in his neck, and saw the man was moving behind him. The man groaned and said "Hey there, Sleeping Beauty...Uh-Thought you were gonna miss out on all our fun...Fuck.."

Steve whimpered as the man gripped his hips tigher, and Steve started squirming to get away. The man chuckled and pulled him back to him. He quickly wrapped his metal arm around the blondes throat and squeezed. It was tight, but not too tight.

Steve flinched as his other hand found his cock and quickly started stroking. at this rate and how sensitive and on edge he is, he could feel he wouldn't last long.

The man quickly started snapping his hips back and forth, fucking into the blonde harder and faster, while doing the same with his wrist.

Steve whimpered at the knot tightening in his stomach, and he couldn't hold it back anymore. With a high pitched moan, he threw his head back and came hard. He coated the mans hand and his stomach, and soon the man came himself, emptying into the blonde. Steve's vision blurred when he came, due to how sensitive he was forced to be from last nights skincrawling encounter.

He groaned and his forehead hit Steve's shoulder. He panted and gently sank his teeth into the blondes shoulder, before kissing it. Tears rolled down Steve's face and the man kissed his shoulder before pulling out.

He chuckled and said "Fuck, that was so good...I thought we agreed, no cummin' until I said so...Eh, fuck it."

Steve just ignored him and stared down at the floor. He swallowed and said "You're pathetic!" Through gritted teeth, tears rolling Dow past his lips.

As soon as those words left his mouth, he instantly regretted them. But he wasn't wrong.

The man chuckled behind him and asked "Oh I am, am I?...Huh..." And before he could react, the man grabs the right side of his head with his flesh hand, and slams the left side down on the edge of the tub.

Steve cries out in pain, and he's seeing stars, his vision going in and out. He feels warm liquid trickling down his face and that's when he's turned around, and his face is submerged in the water.

He panics and started thrashing around, trying to reach his arms back to free himself, but he can't. The man holds his head under, and Steve tries to calm himself so he could concentrate, but it failed. 

Then his head gets yanked back by his hair, and he's gasping for air. The man shoves his head back down and soon, pulls it back up.

He brings his lips to his ear and hisses "I'm the pathetic one? You moaned like a whore when you came..." Then shoved hisbhead back down. He kept it down longer, until finally, he pulled it back up.

"You love it when I fuck you, don't you?"

He pushes his head back down and this time, keeps it down longer than the last. Steve's vision starts turning dark, and he thought this is how he's gonna die. But before his vision could go completely back, he gets pulled back up, and starts coughing.

The man releases his hold on his head, and his body drops limp onto the floor. His blood mixing in with the water.

He coughs and sobs into the floor, curling up on his side. The man towered above him, and shook his head at him. He snorted and said "You're worthless." He then grabbed a towel and said "Clean yourself up. And hurry the fuck up, we're far from done here, Baby." 

Chapter Text

For the next 3 days, Steve was put through Hell. And for those 3 days, Bucky didn't inhabit the Earth. The man tied him down to his bed, and continuously beat and raped him. 

His body was so bruised and brutalized, he's surprised he's still alive. But if he keeps it up, Steve won't be for much longer.

Finally, the heat had worn himself out, and was lying next to Steve, passed out. Steve was in and out of consciousness, he was hungry, thirsty, and in excruciating pain. He could hardly move without crying out.

He needs his inhaler, his medicine, and more importantly, he needs a doctor. For the next 2 days, Steve was unconscious. Whether Bucky or the other guy was awake, he wasn't. He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, he was exhausted.


When he managed to open his eyes again, he heard Bucky's voice. "Steve?"

He groaned and Bucky asked "Stevie?"

He felt the bigger man shifting on the bed, and then he heard him gasp. "Oh...Oh my God.."

Steve's body looks awful. Littered with old bruises, new bruises, huge ones, all blue, yellow, red, and purple. He had cuts and knife wounds, stained with dried blood. His bruises are swollen, but his foot looks worse than anything. It's incredibly swollen, and it just looks awful, and he doesn't know what could happen if he doesn't get medical attention.

Bucky looked back at Steve's face in horror and asked "Did...Did we do this?"

Steve could barely nod, but he managed enough to where Bucky could see it. The brunette asked "How long...How long was I gone?"

Steve swallowed and said "5 days."

Bucky sighed and said "Shit...Fuck Steve, I'm so sorry...I'm so fuckin' sorry.." He hung his head in shame and his hair covered his face.

That's when Steve could hear him sobbing quietly. Steve already had tears rolling down his face from the pain, and hearing Bucky cry, it made more come.

Bucky said "I can't live like this anymore...It's my fault I have this bastard in my head...There's so much I need to tell you Steve, but for now, I'm gonna take care of you."


For the next couple days, Bucky's been taking care of Steve. Helping him with his bruises, feeding him, giving him water, bathing him. He's even tended to his injured foot and his bruises, and has been giving Steve his medicine.

They've hardly said anything to each other. Bucky's stayed in Steve's room with him, just in case he needs him. And so he could try and stay as Bucky while he's with Steve.

One day, was particularly quiet. Soon after Bucky gently woke Steve up, he went and made them some breakfast. They ate in silence and when they were done, Bucky left for a few minutes, then came back.

He was carrying something with him. It looked like a book of some sort. Red leather bound, Steve thinks. He sat next to Steve on his bed, and quietly said "I was a soldier once...After high school, I joined the army. Worked hard and soon, I was a Sergeant...Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. I was gone for quite awhile, and when I got back, I just wanted to stay in bed forever..."

Steve looked over at him, and listened intently as Bucky sighed and went on. "I had been through a lot while I was gone, as you could imagine. But when I came back, I felt sort of....Alright, I guess? I wasn't expecting to come back here exactly in sound mind and body. I had nightmares, still do...I've woken up screaming, crying, sweating my ass off, shaking...But I felt alright, up here." And gently patted a couple fingers to his temple.

"Then my buddies Clint and Sam, thought it would be a good idea to go on a little vacation. To kinda celebrate all 3 of us getting home in one piece. And for some reason, we decided on going to Moscow. Not much of a destination spot, but I always kinda wanted to see what it was like, so we went. We were gonna stay for a week or so, then go back home.

Now since we were going, especially to somewhere like Moscow, I told them to pay attention. And when I say pay attention, I mean pay the fuck attention. Don't go off exploring by yourself, don't leave without telling anyone, don't go off too far, don't piss anyone off, don't make any new friends, observe your surroundings, watch out for anything strange, be alert, just he careful.

I've always been a paranoid person, and I've watched the Hostel movies. Even though they were terrible, shit like that really happens. Not that I'm discriminating, you just never fuckin' know what could happen to you, anywhere. 

And since the language barrier was probably gonna be a problem, they both knew that I'm also fluent in Russian. My mom moved to Russia when she was a kid, she spent 10 years there, then moved hack to the states before she met my dad. So she taught me everything she knew, and I taught them a few things, just in case...But I ended up being the main Rosetta Stone, which was okay."

He chuckled and smiled. Steve hasn't seen him smile like that before. And Steve could tell, it's been a long time since he's smiled like Bucky, and not like the other guy.

"The first 3 or 4 days were just fine, no problems. Some minor confusion, but other than that, things were going great. Moscow was fucking beautiful...But a couple days later, we decided to go out to some nightclub.

I told them not to have too many drinks, and be cautious if you go dance with anyone, or whatever. I don't care if I was playing the mom, I just wanted them to be okay. So we were having a good time, had a few drinks, danced with some girls, everything was okay. 

But soon, I started to notice I was getting a little dizzy. At first, I thought I was just wearing myself out, or cause it was hotter than Hell in that club. That's when I noticed the guys were feeling the same way.

But then, it got worse. The room was spinning, my stomach was doinf back flips, and we were close to passing out. We went to go sit down and as soon as our asses touched the cushions of a booth, everything went dark.

When we woke up, we were somewhere dark. Some old warehouse or something...We were chained up, arms high above our heads, ankles shackled, and completely naked. 

We started freaking out, but tried to calm ourselves down. But in my mind, in my gut, I knew something terrible was probably gonna happen...And what happen next, was like our own real life Hostel.

Thus guy came in, wearing a doctors mask, rubbed gloves, apron, and he was holding...He was holding a chainsaw.." 

He stopped and Steve watched his bottom lip quiver. He sniffled and took a deep breath. He then looked back up, staring straight ahead, and continued. "Then a few other guys came in... Old guys, young guys, disgusting guys...The circled around us, like it was a show. They all had different stuff, like crowbars, knives, guns, and they all had these big, evil grins on their faces...Then the first guy with the chainsaw, invited some of the other guys, and they came up to us.

Th-They, umm...They started feeling us up...They smelled and played with our hair...Then we were taken down, and were brought to another room...That room looked like it would be real cozy if you were H.H. Holmes...Can't remember much but as soon as we were in that room, there was nothing that could save us from a of them.

We had all gotten beat, raped, burned, bruised, stabbed, shot at, drowned, shocked, starved, drugged, dehydrated...There aren't words that could ever possibly be made, to describe what kind of Hell we went through...After the first couple of days, Sam was killed. While those pigs were having their fun with us, Sam was fighting one of them back. Big his hand hard, and the guy he bit, beat him to death with a crowbar..."

His voice cracked and he started sobbing again. He rubbed his face with his hand, and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back off his face. 

"Every morning when I wake up, when I'm me, I hear that crowbar, beating him, beating into his skull...Then after a few days, the first guy with the chainsaw came back, and he wanted Clint. I tried to get the guy to take me, but he didn't want me...I watched as he raped Clint, then he revved that chainsaw up...And I was forced to watch the guy chop him up...I screamed for him, I screamed for them both...I screamed until I couldn't make a sound, and then Clint was gone...First I hear the crowbar, and then the chainsaw... I can hear it right now...

After Clint was gone, I was hurt worse. Starved for days at a time, left thirsty, I got hurt something real bad...But then the decided to try something new...But first, Leather face came back, and that's when I lost my left arm...I was quickly patched up, then I was dragged over to some chair...It looked like something they'd use for shock therapy.

They shocked my brain, over and over they did it so many times, I'm still surprised I didn't die. When I woke up next, I had a new arm...A metal one...I lost track of how long I was kept there, but it felt like years...I knew I was gonna die. But then something happened...Some feeling...It wasn't anything I had ever felt, before.

But that feeling, was the last bit of strength and will to live, I had. When the time was right, I killed a few of the pigs, stole some clothes and money, I ran, and I never looked back. But before I left, I found this notebook.."

He held up the red book, and he saw it had a black star on it. That's when Steve's eyes wandered to the red star painted on his metal arm. Bucky shrugged and said "Didn't know why I grabbed it, but I did. When I was back home. I looked through it...There were drawings of different equipment, torture devices, and other sick shit like that. Ths whole thing was filled up, But towards the end of it, I read about a plan. These guys were some kind of wannabe terrorist group, they called themselves HYDRA."

Steve nodded and asked "Like that sea monster from Hercules? The one with all those heads?"

Bucky nodded and said "Yep. Apparently, they wanted to make it big...They were working on something to get them there. Tons of notes and hypothesis', Chemistry equasions, they were working on something BIG. They wanted to create some kind of serum. Make some kind of Super Soldier. 

And who ever was scribbling down in this thing, theorized that the serum could make someone stronger. Make them stronger, faster, smarter, make them heal faster, turn them into an asset. There were doodles of the arm they gave me, different plans, they were gonna make me a weapon...And a deadly one at that, had I not escaped.

I don't know if they wanted to do the same with Sam and Clint, the torture we went through, could've all been a test. Pick out the strongest, eliminate the weak...Don't know how I was the strongest...But they decided I was, and if I didn't escape, I'd be causing a major shit storm right now...

I thought when I got back home, that it was the end of it...But boy, was I fucking wrong."


Chapter Text

"After I came home, I was...I was clearly not okay..I tried staying at my place for awhile, locked myself in my apartment, but...I don't know...Soon, I ended up freaking out, and trashed my apartment, punched and kicked holes in the walls, broke shit, broke my windows, and screamed like I was being tortured again...That's when the cops came.

They found me sitting in my shower with the water on, fully naked, and scrubbing my skin raw. When I saw them, I begged for then to arrest me. I begged them, told them to lock me up in the nuthouse, and I was...I spent the next year and a half, Iocked up in a padded cell.."


The brunette sat curled up against the corver of his cell, his knees pulled up to his chest. His bed was in the corner, and if was soft. 

He doesn't talk to anyone here, except for his doctor. But he doesnt talk much. He just mainly sits there, staring at nothing for hours.

He knew he had gone crazy. After surviving what he did, you'd be stupid not to lose your fucking mind.

But his doctor was nice. He never made him feel like he was crazy. Because Bucky wasn't crazy, not entirely, he was broken. And the damage caused to him, just made him lose his mind.

But Bruce Banner, his doctors name, told him something once. Bucky grew up thinking Asylums were just for the mentally I'll, or psychotic. But they weren't. 

Well they are, but they were also for people under extreme stress. Whether they had rexently gone through something very traumatic, or they just came willingly, to think.

"Bucky, you have no idea how many people have admitted themselves here, just so they could escape or have some peace."

But Bruce knew Bucky wasn't here to find peace. He was one of the traumatized. But he wanted to be here to think, or feel safe, so I guess he wasn't wrong.

As soon as Bucky was admitted, he demanded that he be tested. There were so many men there, and he had taken a lot, so he must've caught something.

But surprisingly, he didn't. Huh. Well, most of the men wore condoms, but not all of them did. He figured they must've had something. But no, he was surprisingly clean. Lucky him.

Bruce is very kind to him. He doesn't get too close to him and if he does, Bucky flinches, and shrinks back. Or he almost gets angry. But Bruce is careful around him, speaks in a soft, comforting tone. Bucky trusts him. And his trust in people has been in very short supply, from recent events.

Bucky was fine for the first few months. Nobody really bothered him. He had a few friends, but not many. And not many he'd stay around for too long.

But then something happened. One night he was having a nightnare, and was getting shocked in that chair. His screams echoed through the warehouse where he was kept captive, and they ecoed in his cushy cell.

Nobody paid too much attention to the screams in here. It's an Asylum, screams echo through here all the time. He felt the burning sting of the electricity shooting through his body, making him trash around. 

But while it was happening, he heard a voice in his head. 'Bucky.'

He kept thrashing, tears rolling down his cheeks, silently praying for sweet Death to come take him and comfort him. 'Bucky, wake up....Wake up!'

The voice in his head was his, but he didn't feel like it was his, if that makes any sense.

'Wake up, you fuckin' baby! It's only a dream!....OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES, MAN, GOD DAMN!'  

That's when his eyes shot open, and he was back in his cell. He stared yo at the ceiling, his body shaking.

He curled up on his side, hugging himself, when he heard the voice again. 'Atta boy, you see? It was all just a dream. Just a majorly fucked yo dream, but it's okay.'

Bucky swallowed and quietly asked "Who are you?"

The voice chuckled and said 'I'm you, Goober. Well, not exactly....But I've been here since they started frying your brain.'

Bucky was confused and asked 'Why are you here?"

'Well, if they kept playing Frankenstein with ya, you'd still be in Moscow. Buuuutt I'd he the one in charge. You're lucky you got outta there, I just needed to motivate you a little.'

Bucky's eyebrows shot up yo his hairline and he asked "What?"

'Yep. Remember that little feeling? That little push, that will to live shit before you skedaddled? That was all me. Someone had to give ya a nice kick the ass.. I'm the Winter Soldier, nice to meet ya, Bucky Boy.' 


"After he showed up, I felt a little...Better, I guess. With the Winter Soldier around, I started feeling better. He kept me company, helped clear away a lot of the confusion...He even comforted me when I would dream or remember what happened in Moscow...I thought he was a good thing...Soon, he told me we should leave the Asylum, and get back home."


"But...But I...I'm not r-ready..."

'You are ready Buckaroo, I can feel it. Look, I'm sorry for what happened to you and your friends. I truly fucking am, what they did to you and them, was terrible. But you gotta get outta here, get back to your life. Move on, do something, while you still can!'

The brunette looked down at his hands cupped together, on top of his knees. He had pulled his knees up to his chest. He slowly chewed on his bottom lip and quietly asked "A-Are you sure?'

'Positive. Would I lie to ya, Buddy?'

Bucky shook his head and said "N-No....I'm scared...'

'I know you are. So am I. But just trust me Bucky, you'll be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you, ever again. You have my word. Now come on Tin Can, let's get you back into the real world.' 


The brunette shook his head and said "I never should've trust him...I should a just ignored him, but no...I chosw to trust him...

He promised me that no one would ever hurt me again, but I didn't realize it would mean he'd want me to hurt other people...You're not the first person he's made me kidnap...You're not the first I've hurt, or the first I've broken...But so far, you're the only one who's be acquainted with us, and is still breathing..."

The blond nodded and Bucky said "I've hurt many people in my life, Steve...While away at war, and after we got out...And now, we've hurt you, and you're still breathing...Which isn't so bad, I guess, but not really...Considering what you've gone through, so far...I can't live like this anymore.."

He said the last part quietly, his voice a small squeak. Steve gently held the brunettes metal wrist and Steve said "I don't blame you for what's happened...I can forgive you Bucky, but not him...So don't worry about me."

Bucky looked over at the blonde, and his eyes held a great sadness. "That supposed to make me feel any better, Stevie?...Well, I'm glad you don't hate me, but...What could you possibly say to me that could ever make this alright?"

Steve opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. They held each others gaze, and Bucky smiled just a little. He said "When I first saw you, that day...I was walking to my car in that parking lot...I saw you walking by, and I thought...I thought you were beautiful...You were smiling, you smiled at me...You just had such a light coming from you, I swear I couldn't breathe for a second.."

That made the blonde smile a little and he asked "Really?" 

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah...I looked at you, and was thinking 'I hope he never lives through the what I went through...It should be a crime against nature, if he gets hurt like that..' And then... He showed up...He seems to like you way more than I did..."


'Well hellooooo gorgeous...Ain't he somethin' to look at?'

Bucky thought 'Oh no.' And quietly said "Go away." 

'Aww c'mon Buddy, don't be like that. What, am I wrong about him? He not pretty enough for you?'

"You leave him outta this."

'I don't wannaaaaa.'

"He's done nothin' to us, leave him alone." 

'Geez what crawled up your ass??'


'Ouch...That really hurt, Buck...But I'm sorry, wasn't I the one that got you out of Moscow? Am I not the reason you're still alive, and not in a padded cell anymore??'

"I got out of both, cause of me. You're in my head, but I got us out."

'Pfft. Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that, Princess. You oughta show me a little more respect, boy...You know what I'm capable of.'

The brunette swallowed hard, and turned back at the blonde boy. 'Go ahead, grab 'em. It's been awhile, and I'm getting reeaalllyy horny...And I can tell you are too.'



"I won't do it. You can't make me!"

'If you don't grab him right now, I swear to go, I'll come out there, and go and snap his neck in front of everyone! You'll be back in a cell in no time.'

"So will you."

'True, but nobody could get to me while I'm in here...I'll stay all nice in cozy here in your head, while you're some guys bitch, with his cock shoved down your throat. I'll stay there if it takes years, until I check out forever, and you'll never get out.'

The brunette swallowed and didn't respond to that. Then he chuckled and asked 'Still wanna back talk, Buckaroo? Now go on, get that boy. Don't hurt that prett face too bad, now.' 


"That's when I grabbed you, knocked you out as soon as we got to my car...And now we're here.."

Chapter Text

Soon after Bucky told him everything, they fell asleep. After awhile, Steve woke up to Bucky slowly rubbing his arm. 

Steve groaned and yawned, before asking "Bucky?...What time is it?.."

"Did ya miss me, Baby?"

He froze and he was now wide awake. He quickly looked back, and Bucky was definitely gone. The other guy smiled and said "Good morning, Sunshine...Sleep well? Have any good dreams?"

The blonde quickly scooted away from him on the bed, and said "You stay away from me!"

The guy chuckled and said "Awww, Boo!! Don't be like that now...I just wanted to say hi, is all..."

"Well you don't get to, now leave!"

"Sorry Dollface. I'm stuck in your mans meat suit...Can't do a thing about it."

"You lied to him. He trusted you, he thought you were good, shy did you lie to him?! Has he not been through enough?!"

The guys laughed and said "Oh yeah, I heard his little story time...Tragic, really...I saw everything he went through. I told him I really didn't start showing up till they played bug zapper with his brain, but I was there before...Saw every single thing."

"And so instead of being a good thing for him, you have him hurt people? Beat them, rape them, kill them?"

He smirked and said "Darlin', I was always wicked...I was meant to be. And if I didn't help him get his head outta his ass, he'd he dead right now."

Steve glared at him and said "He'd rather want that, than to hurt anyone else." 

He nodded and said "I know...He's tried a lot, ya know? He's tried to kill himself a lot of times, before...I always stopped him. Every time he would be about to pull the trigger, or step off the ledge or off of a chair or table, or stop him from swallowing pills, and slitting his wrists, I come out. Then I make him stay away for awhile...I get lonely, ya know?"

Steve shook his head and got off the bed completely. He said "You make me sick."

The guy smiled and said "Aww, I love you too, beautiful." And winked at him.

He then chuckled and said "I find it kinda cute, actually...Him bein' all soft on ya. I can tell you're all buddy buddy with him, to. Even though he did kidnap you, and has fucked and beat you with his body."

Steve said "He wasn't in control. Some asshole was."

The guy slowly moved around the bed and started stepping towards him. "True, guilty as charged. But still, it's his body doing it. He's the plane, and I'm just the pilot...I wouldn't be sweet on him, if I were you. But that's just me. That whole Stockholm Syndrome thing? So last year."

"I do not have Stockholm Syndrome."

The guy groaned and said "Oh Steve, come on! It is literally defined as feelings of trust or affection felt in certain cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor. It's when you sympathize with them, or end up with a whole Harley Quinn and The Joker, thing. You feel sorry for the dude for what he went through, and you don't hate him, YOU DO HAVE IT!"

"I DON'T! You wanna know why I don't hate Bucky?? Because when he's around, when he's the main pilot, he doesn't wanna hurt me. I can see how scared and guilt he is. Sure I know it sounds all the same to him, but he is not you, he is not evil. Bucky chooses not to be evil, I don't hate him I hate you, because you're a piece of shit! And I still mean it when I told you, you were pathetic! Cause you are!" 

'Maybe that wasn't a good idea.' Steve thought. The guy just stood there, speechless. 

The blonde swallowed hard, and that's when the guy quickly finished getting to him. Before Steve could react, the metal hand was quickly wrapped around his throat, and he started squeezing.

Steve gaspsd and quickly tried to grab at the hand around his throat, trying to keep pressure off so he could breathe.

He brought his face close to the blondes and hissed "I am really starting to get sick of you, Boy...You just want me to fuck ou, don't you? Be a bad little boy, so Daddy could punish you? Is that it? Hmm? Cause it sure looks like it..."

The pressure grew tighter, and Steve was fighting to breathe. Thanks to Bucky, his inhaler was close by, but not close enough. So he started fighting back. He kicked at the guys legs, hoping to knock him down. He started hitting hit him, hitting his shoulders and his face. 

The guy laughed and said "Awww Baby...It's gonna take more than that, to hurt me...You're so cute when you're angry." 

But then Steve pulled his arm back, and then right hooked him across the face. It sounded like it hurt. It definitely hurt Steve, he definitely felt it. But then the guy stopped. He quickly threw himself off Steve, as if he'd burned them.

Steve loudly gasped and started coughing, gently holding his throat. It was more than likely gonna bruise.

He looked go at the guy, who was just stood there, frozen. His face blank, gaze fixed down at the floor. Steve watched and then the guy looked up.

A quiet, recognizable "Steve?" came out, and Steve's jaw dropped. 

He slowly stood up and asked "Bucky?...That you in there?" And he was. Just by his face, and his eyes...What the Hell?

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah, I... I think so...What happened?"

Steve swallowed and said "He um...H-He started choking me, cause I called him a piece of shit...Then I hit him, and you came back."

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah um...I-I remember after I fell asleep, I blacked out...Then I kinda woke up a little, and saw him choking you...And right after you hit him, I came back...That's...That's never happened before..."

"You've never been able to put him on a leash, once he's taking the wheel?"

The brunette shook his head and said "No, never...I never could. I wouldn't wake up, unless he wanted me to...This doesn't happen..." Then he stopped when he saw Steve's neck.

He gently reached out and said "Oh shit...That's not gonna look good later, c'mon."


Bucky put a little ice on his neck to help. He didn't really know what else to do, so he figures it could help.

They were quiet for awhile and after eating, Bucky said "I gotta go, Stevie.."

Steve looked up at him and asked "What?"

Bucky quickly got up and said "I got um...I got an appointment today, with someone...I've been talking to them for awhile, she's um...M-My therapist...I almost forgot I have an appointment with her today."

Steven nodded and said "Okay." 

Bucky nodded and said "Here um...I'll be right back."

He disappeared to his room and then came back a minute later, holding a couple spiral notebooks in his hands. 

Steve looked at them, then looked up at him. Bucky swallowed and said "Ever since I got out of the Asylum, I've kept a journal. I wrote in it every chance I could, or wanted to. This is almost 4 years worth of my life since Moscow and the Asylum in this journal...I'll be back soon, but if you want to, you can read them...They're not very long entries, so.."

Steve shook his head and said "No...Bucky no, I couldn't do that-"

"I want you to...I want you to know, so you can be less afraid of me, and hate that bastard more. Please, I want you to read them."

Steve swallowed and after a minute or so, nodded and said "Okay."

Bucky smiled a little and handed them to him. "Thank you, Stevie...This means a lot to me. I'll be back in a couple hours, okay? Are you full, you need me to leave some stuff in here for you?"

Steve said "Oh no I'm full, but could you leave some water in here for me? And can I have bathroom privileges? I won't go anywhere, I swear."

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah, of course...Thank you, Stevie." 

Chapter Text

'October 26th, 2011


Dear Diary,


It's been almost a month since I left the Asylum. I miss it a little. I felt safe there. But I have a new friend, he helped me pull myself together, and now it's time for me to move on. I have to move on. So I might be writing in this thing for awhile, it feels nice. 



December 18th, 2011


Dear Diary,


I've been job searchin' for awhile now. It's really sucked, and I don't have that.much experience with anything. Worked a couple jobs before I graduated high school, but they sucked, and they didn't last long.

I got a new job today, though. With the help of my friend...He kinda took over, and the boss loves him...I didn't really want him to take over, but because of him, I got that job, so I guess it's okay...

It's better than my other shitty jobs. I'm working at some garage now, at least it's a job that involves cars, I know all about cars. 

So overall, today was a good day, and I have the friend inside my crazy head, to thank for it. Thanks Buddy.



February 27th, 2012


Dear Diary, 


...Things have been a little off, these past few months. My job is fine, I love it, I love what I do. If it weren't for my dad, I'd still be lookin' for a job.

But lately, I've just been feelin' a little...I dunno, off? 

Like I can hardly sleep now, my eatings outta wack, my sex drive is being weird...I don't know what's wrong with me. 

My friend saysnit could just be some phase. Maybe it's just he's here with me, and he's become a "big piece of the Bucky pie", as he put it, and it could be what's making me weird.

Oh well, I'm sure it'll pass.



March 10th, 2012


Dear Diary,


Today's my birthday, and in depressed. I miss Clint and Sam so much....I think I'm gonna kill myself tonight.

Wish me luck,



March 11th, 2012


Dear Diary,


...It didn't work...I was walking along the Brooklyn Bridge on the pedestrian side, and I wanted to jump...I started to climb up on the hand rail, but before I could get up there, he told me to stop. My friend.

I wanted to ignore him, but he kept telling me not to. He knew how much I really wanted to, and I REALLY wanted to, but I didn't make it happen. 

I'm still depressed,



'August 16th, 2012


Dear Diary,


Sorry it's been awhile since I last wrote. There's something weird going on with him... I don't know what is up with him...I don't think I should write for a little while, just so it doesn't make him mad.

I'll see you in a little while. Bye.



'December 8th 2012


Dear Diary,


I'm sorry I've been gone so long. There's something really wrong, now. I can feel it, and I'm not sure he knows what I'm doing.

I gotta be careful. I'll see you soon, I promise.



March 12th, 2013


Dear Diary,


Another birthday's passed...Don't care how old I am now, doesn't matter...I tried killing myself again that day, and the day after that... He still wouldn't let me. 

Why won't he let me?



March 13th, 2013


Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry I take so long to write in this again, I get busy at work, and there's so much going on in my head, I keel forgetting I even have this thing.




April 12th, 2013


Dear Diary, 


I'm depressed again, and he's being a prick about it. Hey fuck you Pal, I don't need you!

You're my only friend now...Wow, that's incredibly sad.



April 26th, 2013


Dear Diary,


....I can't take living anymore...I keep trying ant trying to end it, hut he won't let me...And now if I try, he'll threaten to kill someone, while using me to do it...



'May 3rd, 2013


Dear Diary,


...I killed someone today...A nice old lady, I helped her when I saw her struggling with her groceries...She didn't do anything to me, but he took over...It wasn't me, but it was my body, I killed her, he strangled her in her car, with my hands...

I'm a murderer, and so is he.


Chapter Text

'May 4th, 2013


Dear Diary,


I'm so sorry, I am so fuckin' sorry, I don't know what to do!!! If I tell the cops, I'm fucked! I'll be in a less cushy cell, belonging to a huge guy named Bubba, but the guilt is already killing me!

He's changed...He's changed, and so have I.

I'm so sorry nice old lady, and God,...I'm so fuckin' sorry, please, PLEASE, forgive me. Please!



'May 10th, 2013


Dear Diary,


...We just killed someone else...But this guy was trying to mug me, so I don't know how I'm supposed to feel...

But I don't wanna feel anything right now.



'June 4th, 2013


Dear Diary, 


I can't do this anymore. I gotta finally do it this time, before he stops me, again.

Thank you for being her for me.

God forgive me.



'June 6th, 2013


Dear Diary,


...I failed again. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the Police station and confess. I can't carry this weight on my chest anymore, it's killin' me.

Maybe if I behave, they'll let me keep this in jail, so I have something to do.



'June 7th, 2013


Dear Diary,


Sorry Bucky boy, can't let ya fuck this up for us both. If you don't mind, I'll be takin' over for awhile. Help clear your head, have a nice nap. 



'August 28th, 2013


Dear Diary,


Holy shit....Holy fucking shit, I can't remember the last 2 and a half months!! What the fuck did he do while I was gone?!?!

He knows I write now! FUCK!!



'December 15th, 2013


Dear Diary,


I'm sorry I've been gone so long, again...It's been Hell, this year. He's taken over a lot lately, especially since I was gone for 2 and a half months.

He told me while I was gone, he's hurt and killed 7 other people. 2 of them were a couple, he hid in their car, and forced them to drove somewhere secluded.

Then he made them get out, strip down, and he raped and shot them both. 

Another was some high school girl. He followed her until she was in an alley, and quickly beat her to death. Another were 2 kids and their mom. The kids were 5 and 3...He jumped into their car before they left a library, and strangled them to death with one of my belts...The last one was a young college student.

He was at a Gay bar, and that's where he went. He watched the kid, then when the guy left, he followed him. When the kid was walking towards his building, he shot him twice, and ran. I'm not sure where he dumped any of the bodies, he wouldn't say that. 

He told me not to worry about it, he's smart enough not to get us caught...But how could I not worry about it, he fucking killed 7 people!! He killed 2 little babies, who the fuck does something like that?! 

He's a Goddamn monster, and he lives inside my head.

So I guess that makes me a monster, too.



'January 1st, 2014


Dear Diary,


Happy fuckin'  bullshit New Year.


'March 10th, 2014


Dear Diary,


I fuckin' hate my birthday now, fuck it. I just want it to be over.



Chapter Text

When Bucky walked into Dr. Romanov's office, he had the slightest glimmer of hope. When the other guy took over and attacked Steve, Steve punched him and brought Bucky back.

He's not sure if that hit to the fave was what got him back, but if it is, that's enough for him. This had never happened before, ever. Even when the other guy was using Bucky to kill people, they didn't hit him hard enough or something, to bring him back.

If it wasn't the hit that brought him back, then maybe...Just maybe, Bucky can finally take the wheel. He could possibly take back over if he comes, and stops him before he hurts anyone else. And Steve will be the last person he let's that bastard hurt.

When he walked in, she was typing away at her computer. She turned and smiled at him. "Hey Bucky, glad you could make it, come in."

Bucky smiled a little and nodded, before closing the door behind him. She said "Alright, have a seat." She turned her face to where she was facing him, and grabbed her clipboard. 

Bucky sat down at his usual spot on the comfy little green cough she has, and leaned back. She smiled warmly and asked "How have you been? I was afraid I might miss you again."

Bucky chuckled a little and said "Yeah, um..I-I almost forgot I was supposed to come here today."

She nodded, then her emsmiled dropped. Her eyes then focused on the side of his face, where Steve punched him. 

She asked "Bucky, what happened? Your cheek is bruising.."

Bucky swallowed and said "O-Oh um...He...He dragged me to a bar last night and was bein' an ass...Some guy then threw a punch, and I woke up.."

She nodded and then asked "Wait, what? He hit you, then you woke up? You were there, and not him?"

Bucky nodded and said "Yes ma'am." He wasn't a great liar, but she looked like she believed him. She understands what it's like to be Bucky. She said her mother suffered from D.I.D. She watched her struggle with it constantly, she had 4 different personalities. But her and her father were there for her, and they loved her no matter what. 

Natasha once told him that seeing her mother struggle like that, and help her through it, is what inspired her to become a therapist. She told him,"My peace is helping people." And she does. She understands what it's like to feel crazy, or feel like your head isn't working right. 

She doesn't sit there like one of those stereotypical therapists, who have glasses hanging at the edge of their noses, writing down how crazy and fucked up you are. But she doesn't make him feel crazy or tell him that he is crazy. And she takes notes to track his process and even though he can't see them, he knows she doesn't make him feel like a freak.

He  desperately wants to tell her what he's done. What the other guy made him do to all those people, and to Steve. He needs to, but he doesn't want the other guy to know about it. 

She smiled and asked "Do you think...That you might be able to take over now? Since you were never able to once he's got the spotlight?"

Bucky nodded and said "I..I think so, maybe...Can't be sure."

She nodded and asked "Have you been taking your meds, Bucky?"

The meds. Fuck, he wishes he could take them. He's tried, but the other guy won't ever let him. Every time he's tried, he's made Bucky throw them up, dump them down the drain, throw them out with the bottle open, so he wouldn't get better.

She leaned back in her seat and asked "James?"

Bucky flinched at his real name and looked back up at her. He swallowed and quietly said "I've...I've tried......And he won't..."

She nodded closed her eyes. She asked "It's getting worse, isn't it?"

Bucky nodded and said "You have no idea....Would um...Would it be too much to ask if I could borrow some paper and a pen or a marker from you?"

She shook her head and said "No, not at all." She quickly got them for him, and handed him something am empty clipboard to write it on.

When he popped the cap off the marker, he quickly wrote down what he wanted to say.

'I don't want him to know what I'm doing. But it's gotten much MUCH worse. You have no idea what he's made me do. He's beaten, raped, and killed people through me, and he's made me hurt someone else. There's a boy trapped out there at the old abandoned apartment building on the East side of town. You know that one that got shut down from all the drug trafficking?

He made me take the boy, and he's trapped there right now. Been trapped there for a week or so. He's been hurt bad, real bad. I wanna get him out, he needs to see a doctor, Nat. I've fucked up so bad, I'm neck deep in shit here. Please don't freak out, don't say anything about it, and PLEASE don't be afraid of me. I just want this to stop, I don't care if I go to jail now. Just help me out, please.'

He handed her the note and she read it. When she was done, she quickly flicked her eyes up to his, and the fear in hers, matched the fear in his. He gently out his finger up to his lips and she nodded.

Then she wrote something down, and handed it to him. 'What do you want me to do?' 

Bucky put that paper on the clipboard and started writing under her note. 'Just be cool. When I leave, wait 5 minutes, before calling the police. Tell them to send as many guys as they need to over there, and an ambulance. I'll go peacefully. Thank you for doing this, Natasha. You've been a great friend to me. And I get if you hate me now.' 

She looked at the note when he handed it back, and she nodded at him again. She smiled, despite the fear, and mouthed 'I'll help you.' Then she cleared her throat and asked "So Bucky, Is there anything you'd like to talk about today?"

Bucky shook his head and said "No um...I think I'm good...When can I see you again?" 

She smiled and said "Whenever you think you're ready, just call me and I'll put you down. I hope you have a good day, and I hope you continue to try and find your peace. Bye Bucky."

Bucky smiled and said "You as well. See ya." the unspoken 'Goodbye' coming from both of them. He got up and was about to talk out the door, this huge weight being lifted off his heart, when he stopped. He felt a little dizzy, and she asked "Bucky? You okay?" Then before he could answer her, everything went black. 'Oh no.' 

Chapter Text

After Bucky blacked out, the other guy was wide awake. He moved his head to the side, groaning when he could feel the pop in Bucky's spine.

He then turned and faced her. A wicked, evil smile forming on the brunettes lips. He said "Hey there, pretty girl...It's been awhile since we talked."

Natasha's eyes widened and she slowly scooted her chair back. The man chuckled and said "Aww c'mon now Natty, don't be like that...Mmm...I swear you get sexier and sexier every time I see you..."

When he took a step closer, she scooted back farther. She said "You have no business being here. Where's James?"

The man chuckled and he said "You think you guys could hide your little notes from me? I may be trapped in this poor bastards noggin, but I'm not stupid...So I sent him far far away in here. So you and I could have a little chat."

She swallowed and the fear in her eyes before, was now masked with anger. "Well I don't wanna talk."

He chuckled and said "Ya know, I'm surprised the crazy bastard lasted this long without cracking. Did he tell you about all the times he's tries to kill himself? Cause I've had to intervene a lot."

She nodded and said "I'm aware of it. Now is there anything else?"

He smiled and said "Yeah, there is...All this time, I've dreamt about fucking you while he was awake..." He kept coming closer to her, and she scooted back until her chair hit the wall. She flinched and quickly got up out of her chair and moved away from him.

He chuckled and turned before slowly stepping towards her. He licked his lips and said "I think about eating that sweet pussy of yours out till this whole building can hear you screaming like the whore you are...Then fuck that pussy good and hard until I fill you up, and you cum until you're seein' stars, cummin' all over my hard cock...Well, technically his..." 

She was running out of places to move, so she started maneuvering her way to the door. She said "Nuh uh, I wouldn't try that, Princess...C'mon, I know you wanna fuck him. I bet every time you see him, you soak whatever pretty little panties you got on...Fuck, I'm gettin' hard just picturin' it...I think you'd be a great fuck, maybe even better than that boy we got back there....I can tell, I know my shit here, baby."

She chuckled nervously and asked "Oh yeah? Well then you're way fuckin' off, Buddy. I wouldn't let you touch me to save my life."

He stopped for a minute, and his smile grew. He asked "Is that so? You wanna test that theory?" 

Her eyes went wide again, and that's when she quickly turned, threw the door open, and started running. She cursed herself for wearing heels today, but ran as fast as she could in them.

She cried out in pain when he grabbed her by her long hair, and yanked her head back. She screamed for help while struggling to break free, and that's when he yanked her again. This time, he heard her neck snap. 

He let go of her head and let her body fall limp to the ground. He huffed and shook his head. He said "Damn shame...Well, maybe not-"

That's when he disappeared. Bucky gasped as he regained control of his body, and it was so quick, he fell right on his ass. He panted and that's when he saw Natasha on the ground. He swallowed and he slowly moved over to her, checking to see if she was okay. 

He gently brushed her hair out of her face, and leaned down until his ear hovered slightly abover her lips. He tried listening for breathing, but she wasn't. She tried checking her pulse, but got nothing. She was gone. Her eyes were closed, so he couldn't tell right away. This time, he wasn't awake while the other guy took over. 

Tears started pooling in his eyes, as he gently laid her head down on his lap. She used his arms too gently pull her up more, so he could hold her, and not just her head.

He swallowed hard and said "I'm so sorry...Fuck, Natasha, I'm so sorry...Come back, please...Please, come back..." He knew she wasn't, but he wanted her back. The tears escaped, rolling down his cheeks. He said "Please...I need you, Nat, please...I can't do this by myself, I'm not strong enough, please.......I'll fix this. I'm gonna fix this, just you see."

When he heard voices coming towards him, he quickly leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, before getting up, and quickly ran into her office. Her office was on the second floor, but he could handle it. 

He quickly shut and locked her door, he went over to the window and pulled it open, before carefully claiming out. He held onto the edge of the window and took a deep breath, before letting go. When he fell, he landed on his ass with a grunt and quickly got up, before taking off.

He kept running, not caring about the attention he was bringing to himself. He was done hiding, he can't do it anymore. He needs to make things right, so he will. He kept running until he managed to find a payphone close by where Steve was kept and where he's been holed up since the killings started. 

He quickly dug some change out of his pocket and after he got it in, he dialled 911.

"911 What is your emergency?"

"Yes hell, I need some help. I just killed somebody a-and I have a y-young boy, about 16 or 17, I kidnapped him a week or so ago."

"Oh my God. Sir, where is your location?"

He told the woman where, and he saod "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I've hurt and killed people here before, but it's not me."

"What do you mean it's not you, Sir?"

He said "I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, Multiple personalities, my second personality, he kills people. Look lady, I'm not high on anything, I'm not drunk, I swear to God I'm not, I'm telling the truth, I swear on my mothers grave. But please, PLEASE get the fucking cops there right away, I don't care how many you send, and send am ambulance cause I've hurt the boy real bad, he needs help. Please! I'll go quietly, if you tell the cops what's wrong with me, tell them I'll go quietly, just be careful cause I can't control when the other guy comes out."

"Okay Sir, I'm dispatching officers close to your area now, can you tell me your name?"

He sighed in relief and smiled. "Thank you. Thank you so much, God bless you...Wait, so you believe me?"

She said "I can tell if someone is messong with me, Sir. I can tell you're not one of them. Just stay calm, get back to that area, the police are on their way, just please tell me your name so they could identify you."

He nodded and said "My name os Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. I go by Bucky. I'm 6 feet tall, I'm a white guy, I have shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, and my left arms been replaced by a metal arm. Yes, a metal arm. I'm wearing a long sleeve red sweater, dark blue jeans, and like a greenish type jean jacket...Okay, thank you. You just saved my life, and that boys life. God bless you, thanks." And hung up. That's when he started running again. 'Don't worry Stevie, I'm gonna get you some help. I'll make this right, I promise.'

Chapter Text

'March 8th, 2015


Dear Diary, 


I just want him out, why can't I get him out?! How did he even get in?! He's making everything worse, he's used my body to hurt Steve, and I feel so helpless, I can't stop him! I WANT HIM TO STOP!!



'March 9th, 2015


Dear Diary,


Steve if you ever read this, I wanted to tell you I am so sorry. I am so sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry I got fucked up so bad, a monster made it's way into my head. And I am so sorry he used me to hurt you. 

I can never forgive myself for all the pain I've caused, because of him. Hell isn't even punishment enough for me, I need something worse. I hope you get to read this one day, so you would know.

I never meant to hurt you. And I never expect you to forgive me for what I've done. But if I can put an end to this, I pray you don't suffer the same fate, and find your peace. 

This short amount of time has changed my life. I see differently now, think dofferent, I feel like I can almost finally nreathe. I just wish we could've met under different circumstances. If I wasn't how I am now, I would've loved to try and make you happy.



'March 10th, 2015


Dear Diary,


Today's the day I'm gonna fix everything, Stevie. You'll never see me again, I promise.

Again, I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness or your kindness. But I'd you ever do tell me you forgive me, that'll be enough for me, and I won't need anything else for the rest of my miserable life.

I'm so sorry for everything. I love you. 



That was the last entry in the journal. Steve sat there reading all of them, and Bucky was right, there weren't many of them. 

He wanted to go see about looking for a way out of here. He did look since Bucky left his door open for him. But the windows were barred, and the other exits were nailed shut, minus his door, Bucky's, the other guys, amd the main exit. 

The building they were in, was a 4 story building. All the apartments were together, inside. And they were on the 3rd floor. No fire escapes, either. So Steve was shit out of luck.

But he was afraid if he tried to escape, and Bucky caught him, he'll get furious and kill him. So he just went back into his room, and set the journal back onto his lap. 


After what felt like hours of just sitting there, he thought he heard something break down on the first floor. He stayed motionless on his cot, then he heard footsteps and voices getting louder and louder. He went to get up, when a man in a police uniform, quickly stepping into the room.

He quickly said "Hands up, get your hands up!" Steve quickly did as he was told, and the officer asked "What's your name, Son?"

Stebw swallowed and said "Steve. Steve Rogers."

The man nodded and he turned and yelled down the hall. "Guys, I got 'em!" Then he turned his attention back to Steve. He said "Okay it's nice to meet you Steve. My name is officer Daniel Schoeller just call me Officer Dan. I need you to come with me, okay? We're gonna get you outta here nice and easy, okay?"

Steve nodded and asked "Where is he? Where's Bucky?"

The officer said "The man who took you, called us. He gave us the location, he may be on his way back here. But please Steve you need to come with me, it's for your own safety, c'mon." He held his a out towards Steve, and Steve nodded. He quickly grabbed the notebook and hugged it to his chest, before walking over to the man.

He gently rested his hand between Steve's boney shoulders and then looked down at his ankle. He said "Oh wow Son, that don't look too good. Is it okay if I carry you outside?"

Steve nodded and he said "Okay. On 3. 1..2..3." He gently hauled Steve up into his arms, and started carrying him down the hall. 

As soon as they got outside, Steve could hear someone screaming his name. They turned their attention to where it was coming from, and Bucky was running towards them as fast as he could.


Steve yelled "Bucky?" 

2 officers kept Bucky from passing and Bucky said "I'm good, I'm good. Steve! I fucked up bad! I killed her, I killed my therapist!...I didn't mean to hurt her, I blacked out again! But when I came back, I was too late! He had just killed her!"

He tried to step forward, but ore officers pointed their guns at him and one yelled "Sir, please stay back!"

Bucky put his hands up and said "I won't hurt him...I just wanna let him know that I'm sorry...Please...Take me, I'll go quietly, just...I wanna see him one last time...Please, after that, I'll let you take me. Just please, let me see him.."

After a minute or so, they slowly lowered their guns, but just a little. Just in case. They carefully allowed Bucky to pass, the 2 officers who first kept him back, trailing behind him.

When he got to Steve, Officer Dan stayed alert. Bucky smiled when he saw the blonde and he said "I did it, Stevie...I got you outta here...After today, you'll never see me again..."

His smile dropped and sadness flooded into his grey eyes. He swallowed and said "I meant every word I said in those last entries, Stevie...Every word. I'm sorry for everything."

Steve nodded and said "I know...I forgive you, Buck."

Bucky's face lit up like a kid on Christmas and Steve watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. He nodded and swallowed. "Thank you, Stevie."

Steve smiled a little and Bucky slowly reached his hand out and gently stroke Steve's cheek. Then he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Steve's forehead.

After he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to Steve's and sighed. They closed their eyes and Bucky whispered "Keep your eyes closed, Stevie."

Steve had started to open his eyes and Bucky quickly said "No. Keep them closed...He's coming...I can feel it, I gotta try and hold him off...Close your eyes, and just listen to my voice, okay?"

Steve nodded and he felt Bucky pulled away from him. Then Bucky said "I love you, Steve."

Suddenly, Officer Dan quickly jumped with Steve still in his arms, and yelled "He's got my gun! Stop him!" 

And before Steve could open his eyes, a loud shot rang out. It caused Steve to jump in his arms, and his eyes shot open. He watched Bucky's body fall to the ground, a big hole made under his chin, blood everywhere. 

Steve yelled "BUCKY!

Officer Dan said "Don't look Son, don't look. C'mon, we gotta take care of you."

Steve started thrashing in his arms, and said "No, no please!"

Officer Dan said "He's gone Son, I'm sorry. But we gotta take care of you now, c'mon."

Steve never tore his eyes off of Bucky's body lying there on the ground. The gun in his hand, his blood pooling around his torso on the ground, ans his eyes were closed. Tears rolled down his cheeks, as he clutched the notebook tighter, while they put him in the ambulance. 

He tried to keep looking at him when he was in it, but they forced him to lie down, and they got him to let one of the EMT's take the notebook out of his hands. "It won't be going anywhere, I promise. Just try and relax kiddo, okay?" And they took him away, leaving the officers with Bucky.

Chapter Text

After he was taken to the hospital, Steve had his foot taken care of, given the medicine he takes, and had an inhaler nearby in case he needed it. He laid awake that night, and watched as it poured rain outside. 

Rain gushed onto his window, and he even heard some thunder and saw a few flashes of lightening. He didn't wanna sleep. Sure he was finally out of there, but at what cost? Bucky's dead. 

And even though he went through Hell in this last week or so, he didn't hate Bucky. Just like his Ma taught him, no matter what someone could put you through, don't ever hate them or hold a grudge. If you do, you'll become bitter, and it'll eat at you inside. And Steve didn't want that.

Steve never really hated Bucky in the first place. Sure he was obviously scared about him cause of getting hurt, but he didn't hate Bucky. Bucky went through Hell of his own before putting Steve through it. He saw war, went through it, then was tortured and watched his best friends die after that. He lost his arm, and got out alive, with a monster in his head. 

Okay, maybe the whole Stockholm thing started making more sense to him now. Sure he sympathised with the man that snatched him, beat him, raped him. But he was watching helplessly while a monster made him do it. 

Bucky had nobody after he came back. He willingly went into an insane asylum, just so he could have some peace. He needed help, he thought he would get better, but he didn't. And the way Bucky treated him, tried to shield him from that monster, and showed him nothing but kindness and gentleness when he was himself. And because of that monster, that gentle man is dead. 

He stared out that window, hoping somehow the rain could possibly work some magic and bring Bucky back. Back to how he was before he went off to war and before Moscow. The blonde wonders how he must have been before all that, but he hopes he was just as kind as he was before he took his life.

He wiped at the tears at his face, only to have more replace them in their wake. He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, so he let them fall close, clutching that notebook close to his chest again.


When he some up, Officer Dan and some detective paid him a visit. They wanted him to tell them everything that happened from the moment Steve first woke up in Bucky's arms. 

He didn't wanna look at them, but he was gonna answer their questions. He just kept his gaze fixed onn the windowike he did when it rained last night.

He told them everything. Bucky being a Sergeant, coming home, going to Moscow, the warehouse, his friends being murdered. Then him coming back from Moscow, the asylum, the Winter Soldier, him using Bucky to kill, then him taking Steve. Everything. Everything Steve could remember. Even the notebook.

The detective wanted to take the notebook away as "evidence", but Steve told him no. Officer Dan said "Steve-"

Steve finally looked over at them and said "Look. I let you get me out of there, I let you take me away, and I answered your questions. But please, don't take this notebook away from me. Arrest me if you want, I don't care, but I'm not gonna let you take this thing from me, unless you're prying it off my dead body."

Steve's voice cracked, and he swallowed. He felt years coming again, but he held them back. Then the detective said "We called to see if you had anyone to come get you once your discharged, and we found your friend, Peggy. She's on her way right now. Thank you for your time, Steve. Take care."

Steve nodded and said "You too." They started leaving, and that's when Steve asked "Is his body here?"

They turned and looked at him, before nodding. The blonde swallowed and asked "Is there any way I can see him?" 

Officer Dan said "Steve, that wouldn't be a good idea."

Steve shook his head and repeated the question. "Is there any way I can see him?"

They sighed and then the detective said "We'll try and work something out, okay?"

Steve nodded and said "You do that. Thank you."

Officer Dan said "You just get some rest now, okay? Peggy will be here soon....I'm really sorry, Steve."

Steve nodded and queitly said "Yeah...Thanks." They both nodded and walked out.

Steve quickly opened the notebook back to the page with the last entries. That's when he remembered the last one was dated yesterday, the 10th. Bucky's birthday. He killed himself on his birthday. He never told Steve how old he was, and he didn't mention it in the journal. But he knew Bucky was young.

He never asked for any of this. He just wanted to serve his country, and have some fun after he got home. And he prays that God accepts Bucky into Heaven. Even if he killed himself. Bucky's heart should be enough to oversee his faults. Steve wanted to read back over the last 2 entries before he was found.


'March 9th, 2015


Dear Diary,


Steve if you ever read this, I wanted to tell you I am so sorry. I am so sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry I got fucked up so bad, a monster made it's way into my head. And I am so sorry he used me to hurt you. 

I can never forgive myself for all the pain I've caused, because of him. Hell isn't even punishment enough for me, I need something worse. I hope you get to read this one day, so you would know.

I never meant to hurt you. And I never expect you to forgive me for what I've done. But if I can put an end to this, I pray you don't suffer the same fate, and find your peace. 

This short amount of time has changed my life. I see differently now, think dofferent, I feel like I can almost finally nreathe. I just wish we could've met under different circumstances. If I wasn't how I am now, I would've loved to try and make you happy.



'March 10th, 2015


Dear Diary,


Today's the day I'm gonna fix everything, Stevie. You'll never see me again, I promise.

Again, I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness or your kindness. But I'd you ever do tell me you forgive me, that'll be enough for me, and I won't need anything else for the rest of my miserable life.

I'm so sorry for everything. I love you.