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For Our Eyes Only

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He’s so patient.

Yoosung has probably been the most active person in my life aside from Saeyoung. I get too anxious to talk to anyone, even him, my voice getting caught in my throat, panic attacks ripping through me before I even get a chance to say anything at all- and so Yoosung found a way around it, so we could talk, without having to speak at all.

One day he showed up at the house to drop something off. He handed it to me quickly, a small smile on his face as he watched me take it- it was a hard cover journal, one he had doodled all over, with the words ‘For Our Eyes Only’ on the front in gold sharpie.

I looked up at him, my hands shaking as I held the book in my hands. He didn’t speak- he just grinned as he waved goodbye, running out of the door, his blonde hair bouncing on his head as he left.

I went to my room, closing the door as I opened the book, my eyes trailing over his adorably bubbly writing, small doodles scattered throughout it.

Saeran!

I know you have trouble speaking to people- but it makes me really sad to think about you being lonely, and so I wanted to find a way for us to be able to talk without it being hard on you- and I found this idea online!

We can write back and forth to each other in here! This way, we can talk, and you don’t have to be worried about getting scared or choked up. If you don’t like the idea though, I guess, we don’t have to… I just thought it might be nice, hehe. I hope you like the idea.

Anyways, feel free to write to me anytime, okay? Just text me whenever you’re done writing in the journal and I’ll come pick it up! (: I’ll drop it off at your house whenever I’m done writing in it, too.

:D

I smiled, shaking my head slowly. I walked over to my desk, searching for a pen to begin writing.


 

It had been moths of this now- we had filled our first journal, and the second, now onto the third. I felt like I knew him so well, inside out, his every crevice of his being, without having said more than a mumbled ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ to him.

Every day I had that journal I wrote fervently, opening up to him in a way I had never opened up to anyone- maybe the fact that I didn’t have to speak at all making it easier for me to do so.

He told me so many things. Sometimes about his past, sometimes about menial things he did that day, sometimes about things he was passionate about. No matter the content, I read it all with the utmost care, hanging onto every word, able to hear his voice excitedly saying it all to me, as though he was there.

I’m so glad we started this journal, Saeran. I feel like you’re my closest friend, and we have barely spoken face to face. I always get excited reading what you write.

My heart hammered in my chest as I finished reading his newest entry, scanning over it again to make sure I hadn’t mistaken the words etched onto the page. I leaned my head back against the headboard, closing my eyes tightly as warmth spread throughout my cheeks.

I knew I felt strongly for him. The amount of times I had caught myself tracing the lines of his drawings, knowing his hands had created them, holding the journal close to my chest, the lingering smell of him seeping off of the cover- I knew I was losing it.

I couldn’t do this to him, could I?

I was a mess- I hardly knew how to love myself, let alone another human.

Let alone another human who I had hardly spoken to out loud.

I twirled my pen in my fingers, staring at the page before me, thinking of what to write, biting the inside of my cheek softly. I sat up, scribbling quickly in the journal before reaching for my phone.


 

Yoosung arrived at the house about thirty minutes later, his smiling face illuminating my doorway as I held the book out. He made to turn away, but I stopped him, lifting my hand as a gesture to stop. He blinked up at me, and I gestured to the journal.

He looked down at it, his gaze flicking back up to me curiously as he opened it to the most recent page, searching for my writing.

Look up.

He looked back up slowly, gasping as he saw that I had stepped towards him, my cheeks probably as bright as the hair on my head.

“I…” I took a second to gather my voice, letting out a slow breath as I stared into his beautiful lavender eyes, “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.”

Yoosung’s jaw hung slack, his eyes widening, his own cheeks dusting over with a pink flush. He looked back at the journal, then back at me, his face written completely in surprise.

He hid his face behind the journal for a moment, and I fought the urge to run away and forget I had ever spoken at all.

I barely registered the soft whispers trailing from his lips behind the journal. I tilted my head, watching as he slowly lowered the book, his face a fiery pink now, a small smile on his lips as he repeated himself, louder now.

“Me too.”

I blinked, my expression aghast.

Was I dreaming?

He lifted his hands defensively, recoiling as he shook his head.

“I meant the part about being in love with you! Not about being terrified! I’m not terrified!”

I watched as he apologized, a smile I couldn’t fight crawling onto my face as he continued to get flustered. I let out a small laugh, hiding it behind my hand, my body warm with relief.

“… You’re cute.”

Yoosung froze, scuffing the ground with his foot gently, gazing up at me through his lashes as he smiled shyly.

“…Thank you.”

I nodded, watching as he reached out to me slowly, slipping his hand into mine. I stared at our hands, the warmth of his fingertips causing my heart to jump inside my chest.

“Saeran?”

I looked back at him, my breath catching in my throat as he grinned at me.

“I like your voice.”

END.