The first time you meet him, he’s weak –or simply, just doesn’t recognize his strength yet.
You can feel the insecurity in his gaze, the fear of losing his friends, to disappoint others.
He’s quite your opposite, you think, and he interests you –you’ve never known someone so strong yet as blind about their own capabilities.
He gives you friendly looks from that day, and you feel warm, knowing that he trusts you, and you can trust him.
But the warmth doesn’t take much to extinguish, because you know it can’t last.
When you discover Eren Yeager is a titan, you’re kind of shocked.
You aren’t the only one of your kind, that much you already knew, but he was raised inside the walls, by a real family, and yet, he’s got your same powers.
When you’re told by your superiors to not tell anyone about this, to not run the risk of traitors knowing, you want to laugh.
Because a traitor already knows.
Now you’re looking for him.
You’re looking for Eren, because you know –it’s dangerous for you to have him alive, because once he gets his abilities under control, you are pretty sure he will have the power to annihilate you.
And you can’t risk that.
All the idiots who are trying to defeat you –simple soldiers, with no particular skill or whatsoever.
There is another of them, on their horse, staying still, and without even taking off their cloak, you know who it is.
You take it off, just to make sure.
And you aren’t surprised, when you see Armin there.
You should’ve killed him then, but some feeling you couldn’t quite understand refrained you.
Maybe a part of you wants to play with him, to let him catch you, to run away.
But you didn’t think about it much at the time, because you were too much of a coward to know.
You follow him and wonder why have you done it.
You wonder why a part of you still trusts him and cares about him, even when you know this won’t end well, even when you knew since this started, and why, why, can’t you just be reasonable and cold as always.
Because the smarter, trained part of you, knows that this is just a farce, and that soon enough you will have to bring more destruction.
Yet here you are.
Here you are, heart torn between reason and feeling, your head spinning, your heart racing –but from the outside, no one can see it.
You taught yourself to not show any feeling, because you know that’s the easiest way to get hurt.
And then there’s Armin –Armin who tells you you’re a good person to him, that he trusts you, that he believes in you. You weren’t taught how to react to that, and you find yourself conflicted.
“What if I didn’t help you? How would have you surpassed the walls?” You ask, with a little of skepticism, and some genuine curiosity, too. “We would’ve used the Tridimensional Maneuver Gear.” That’s his simple answer, and it almost makes you want to laugh –because it’s an unbelievable excuse for someone as smart as him, but you act like you believe it, because you want to enjoy this farce until it comes to an end.
You tell him, then, that’s just the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard, and there would’ve been easier ways, and yet –here he is. You like to play this game, to ask him why this and why that, it’s fun and makes you feel slightly better, even if just for a while.
He says that it would’ve been better to hide Eren from others, and would’ve given them more time –and maybe this was more well-thought, and yet, not enough.
No, not for Armin, not for your Armin.
You give up the game, though, because you know it’s ending, and you aren’t leading anymore. Or well, not just yet.
“We’ll pass through here.” He says, heading to a dark tunnel, and he knows you know, that this was a trap, you’ve always known, and you both know, but just want to play dumb as long as you can, because –
Is this what they call love? Yes, that must be it.
“Why aren’t you coming, Annie? You’re strong, stop being stupid!” Eren shouts, and Armin looks at you, wondering how many seconds will it take for this to end.
And then there’s Mikasa looking after Eren, him being more confused, and you and Armin playing some mental game not even you two can understand that well.
You decide to give up first.
“For some reason, there was no one around lately.” You say simply, your expression neutral, the implicit question being so obvious it hurts.
Armin glares, and you play dumb, for the last time. “When did you start to look at me like that, Armin?”
And you can feel the silent question in that stare.
It’s not a “Why did you betray humanity?” or a “Why did you betray us?” but a “Why did you betray me?”.
And there’s so much you’d love to say.
You’d love to say you’re sorry for being fucked up, for having to betray him, for killing all those innocent souls, for all of that, but instead –
Your relief comes out, you laugh, because you’re finally free –from the façade, from all of that.
“I’m glad I could be a good person to you” you pause a little, lingering on his name like it’s a precious jewelry –“Armin”.
Then there’s shouting, running, rage, and darkness.
There’s the genuine disappointment in Eren’s gaze, the determination to kill you in Mikasa’s, and the incredibly painful sight of Armin’s disappointment in you.
That’s why your actions are so rushed now, because you just want to kill him, get rid of the memory you just made, of his accusing gaze, of his sadness, all because of you.
You didn’t know you would be able to think of someone in this way, ever, but you fell for him as he fell for you, and standing up is hard for both now.
Yet, here you are.