There are so many reasons why I cannot love Roy Mustang.
Because I am Mustang's subordinate.
Because I am fourteen years Mustang's junior.
Because we are both men, and Mustang has never hinted to the fact that he is anything but straight. In fact, he has shown signs of homophobia, if anything, when the mere idea of such an attraction is mentioned in his presence.
But the most incriminating reason that I cannot love him has to be the fact that Mustang loves somebody else. Somebody who deserves him far more than a sinner such as myself does. My life has no value in the face of those that I've destroyed, so why would I, out of all people, deserve happiness?
Even knowing this, it's still difficult to restrain myself. I do my best to watch from afar, to try to be happy for him to have found someone who actually makes him happy… I had promised myself that I would never contaminate his perfect life with my presence, no matter what.
But it's so hard to say no when you are allowed a rare glimpse of forbidden happiness. Of what could have been, if things had been different…
That's why I am here again, doing my best to ignore the stench of alcohol that tinges his every breath, trying to focus instead on the hot mouth descending upon mine.
That's why I do my best to ignore the moments that he actually is coherent, moaning a name that is in no way my own.
And that is why I can find it in myself to find some reason to appreciate my father.
Without him, my hair would be different.
Without him, I could never pass as her.