“Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy: the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman to the man, the man to the devil!”
~ Victor Hugo
“Love the way you make me feel, I want it all the time
Hate the way you make me feel, you’re all that’s on my mind
Losing track and losing time, and I forget to breathe
Should’ve seen the water rising, now I’m in too deep…”
~ “Deep”, Marian Hill
It was all so simple. I could have just left it alone. Allie was safe, and so was I – what more did I need?
But of course I had to know. I had to know who’d saved us.
Thank God for Marv. The minute we were alone in my hospital room – the first place we’d been taken post-rescue – my first question was: “Who called it in?”
Marv shrugged, taking a sip of bad hospital coffee in its Styrofoam cup with barely a wince. Years of police station coffee must have numbed his taste buds. “Came in through 911 – no name, no contact info. All the caller said was that there were kidnap victims being held in the sewers under Bigby and Willingham. Dispatch couldn't get any more out of him before he hung up.”
“He?” Already I was beginning to get a cold feeling in my gut. The list of people who would have known – or guessed – about my trek into the sewers was a short one. Subtract the women and the pool got even smaller.
“That’s what the log said. Male caller, calm tone, local number, call duration less than a minute.”
I was barely listening as my mind raced. “Can you get me the number?”
Marv didn’t bat an eye; it wasn’t the most outrageous request I’d ever made of him. “I can get you the number, no problem,” he said. “If you want a name, that’ll take a little longer.”
I shook my head. “I just want the number.”
“Will do. But –” and of course there was a but “– not until you’re fully recovered. Got it?”
I did. Much as I didn’t like it.
My recovery felt much longer than it actually was, not helped by the handcuffs chaining me to my hospital bed or the two cops guarding my room who barely took time to blink while watching me. They didn’t know it was me who drugged their buddy, but the SFPD was determined to keep me from getting “kidnapped” again. I passed the time with cheesy soap operas on the one clear channel on the hospital TV, giving statements, and filling out paperwork. That was one aspect of police work I definitely didn't miss. Even after Allie was discharged, she came to see me every day, practically having to be dragged out when visiting hours were over. I told her not to waste her newfound freedom on me, but she wouldn't hear otherwise. It was going to be a long time before she stopped feeling guilty for what happened, if ever.
All the more reason for me to get out of that damn bed.
It wasn’t until the discharge papers were signed and I was escorted out of the hospital, ready to get into Allie’s waiting car, when Marv appeared from around the corner and handed me a folded piece of paper. I waited until Allie had gone home, late that night, before opening it.
Immediately, I recognized the number written there, and a chill ran down my spine to settle, once again, in the pit of my stomach. But maybe I was wrong.
Please, just this once, let me be wrong…
I pulled out my phone and scrolled quickly through my contacts. Despite being afraid to confirm my suspicions, I had to know. As always, my need to know the truth overrode any better judgment I might have had, any ignorance I could have pled to get me out of this mess I’d created.
I found the number right away. As I tapped the screen, his name and photo flashed bold and clear.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to see proof of what I had suspected all along.
God help me, I owed Dez Morrigan a favor. A huge fucking favor.
Early the next evening, I had a quick dinner and headed straight for the Vitriol Bar.
Make no mistake, my first thoughts on getting out of that hospital bed were of tracking down Veidt and finding that damn hourglass – and breaking it once and for all. But first I had to settle this debt. My limited time notwithstanding, I wasn’t about to have a demon’s favor hanging over my head.
The worst part? He’d forced me into owing him. I had vowed never to bargain with him, once I learned his true nature; I wasn't that stupid or greedy. Until now we had been square. Somehow I didn't think his twisted heart – if he even had one – saw what he’d done for me as an act of charity. I knew his kind too well.
The second-worst part? Thanks to me, there was no one left to defend him against. What the hell (haha) was he going to demand as repayment?
As expected, he was sitting at our usual outdoor table when I got to the bar, with a glass of red wine gleaming like fresh blood in the setting sun’s light, several shades darker than his hair and beard. Aside from taking the occasional sip, he wasn't doing anything else, just sitting alone with a cool, neutral expression. Any passerby might have assumed he was lost in thought. I knew he was waiting.
“Hello, Adam,” he said without turning around, once I was in earshot. “Would you care to join me?”
I swung into the seat across from him. “I know what you did, Dez.”
“You’ll have to be more specific.” He took a casual sip, smirk only half-hidden by the wine.
I wasn’t having it. “You called 911 for Allie and me after the Timeless kidnapped us.”
“More like you walked into their lair. To save her, of course. It was all over the evening news. You don’t seem very grateful.” Of course he knew there was no point denying it; he knew me too well.
“I’m not ungrateful,” I said quickly. “You saved me and Allie; without you, I don’t know if she would have gotten out. And…I want to thank you for that.”
Dez shrugged, his tongue flicking out for just an instant to lick a stray drop of wine from his lip. The movement was quick and subtle, but deliberate.
Wait, why was I noticing something like that? I looked him straight in the eye again. “But I know you. What do I owe you now?”
“Always so cynical, Wolfe. You’re so quick to expect the worst of people.”
Mostly because I'm rarely disappointed. I glared at him. “Can you blame me for expecting the worst of you? You’re not even human.”
“Maybe not,” Dez said casually. “But I have wants and needs just like you mere humans do. Which, in fact, brings me to how you can repay me.”
I narrowed my eyes, bracing myself. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to drink blood or face off against Time again. “What do you want, Dez?”
His reply was quick, smooth and matter-of-fact. “I want you to fuck me.”
I stared at him in silence for almost a minute. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Adam.”
“Yeah, I heard you. What the fuck –” crap, poor choice of words “– makes you think I’d ever agree to that?”
Dez said nothing, simply raising his glass for another drink as he gave me a look that made my stomach jump.
There was a rumble of thunder in the distance. It was going to rain again soon.
“I’m not your damn whore, Dezmoran,” I spat. It was the first time I’d ever used his real name since learning it, all those weeks ago.
He didn't flinch. “And I’m not saying you have to be. You owe me one, Wolfe. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Is that why you called 911?” Above all else, I had to know that.
Dez’s look turned serious, and when he spoke again I had no doubt he was telling the truth. “I called 911 because I know what the Timeless are capable of. You saw what they did to me, to Suzy. Do you think I would have risked their wrath again for some silly favor? No, I made that call because this city needs you, Adam. There’s much worse than me out there, and you’re one of the few who stands a chance against it. What’s more, you’re someone who actually cares that you have a chance. Some people are candles in the darkness. You’re an unstoppable wildfire.”
I winced a little, even knowing it was intended as a compliment, recalling my recent experiences with the fire elemental. Dez didn’t seem to notice as he took a drink and continued, “And that’s one reason I'm making this offer.”
“And if I say no?”
Dez set down his glass, looking me straight in the eye. “You walk away and we never talk about this again, and you’ll repay me another way, another time. Let me be clear, Adam – I may have put you in debt, but I will not force you into this. I don't care if I’m the first or fiftieth man you’ve ever had. I may be a demon, but I never give anyone anything they don't want.”
He leaned forward, just a bit. “And as desperately as you’re trying to deny it right now, you want this. You’ve been saying a lot just now, but not once have you said that you don't want to fuck me. You're not even asking why I want you to fuck me. Not that I ever pegged you for the conceited type.”
Textbook demon spiel, I knew. The true devils never force you into something you don't want, but convince you that the worst thing you want is exactly what you need.
Hold on – want? Could I possibly…was I actually considering…?
Dez leaned closer then. His eyes bore straight through me. What could he see? It scared me to think about it. Of all the literal hellholes I’ve been to, my own mind is still the place I'm most afraid of.
His next words were almost a whisper. “Look at me now. Tell me you don’t want me. That you don’t want to fuck me. Just tell me that, and you’re free to go.”
Of all the times when I couldn’t speak. I was too busy trying to picture myself kneeling in front of him, sucking him off, his hands fisted in my hair, guiding me at a faster and faster pace, till I could almost feel him at the back of my throat, until he came, explosively, all over my face, and leered at me as I spat out his come (God knows I didn’t want to risk swallowing that), with a look that was either lusting or mocking; I couldn’t see which.
Wait – why the fuck was I imagining that? And – more importantly – why wasn’t that image making me puke my guts all over the sidewalk?
Despite the cooling air, heat was rising to my face, and I could only hope it meant less blood was flowing the other way.
“Why should I trust you?” was all I could ask, my throat dry.
It wasn't the first time I’d ever asked him that question, and I suspected it wouldn't be the last.
Dez looked at me as he drank some more wine. I wondered if alcohol had any effect on him at all. “Because I trusted you. And you came through.”
He set the glass down and looked at me hard. “Don’t lie to me, Wolfe. You had a chance to destroy me forever, to let my enemies destroy me. You still helped me. Maybe it was only for Suzy’s sake, but that doesn’t matter. The point is, you did exactly what I hired you to do, when you could have turned on me at a moment’s notice. And let’s not forget why we’re here now. After all we’ve done for each other, do you still think you can’t trust me?”
Truthfully, I did. I still knew who he was, what he was, what he was capable of, how his only motivation was saving his own skin. And yet, as much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. If nothing else, at this moment I trusted him not to hurt me. We had too much history for that. But that history was exactly why I would never fully trust him.
The clouds were rolling in now, slowly darkening the sky. Shadows were starting to fall across Dez’s face – and mine as well, I’m sure.
“You’ve never told me the whole truth, Dez,” I said finally. “Not about yourself, or Suzy, or the Timeless. Even now I question everything you tell me, wondering what you might be leaving out. And let’s not forget that you held me at gunpoint when I started asking too many questions, or got too close to the truth. Which is what a detective is supposed to do. You would have killed me if Cutler hadn’t tried to get you first.”
Dez tilted his head. “Wouldn’t you do the same if Allie’s life depended on it?”
I would, and I had. But then Allie wasn’t my vessel-to-be. Still, he had me there.
“Truthfully, Adam,” Dez went on, “I trusted you to get the box back, but I didn’t know what you would do once you realized what it was for. I had to make sure you wouldn’t betray me. But you didn’t, and now I know why. I know now how much family means to you. You would never have let Suzy die. And now we don’t have any more secrets from each other. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t deceive you anymore. There’s nothing else either of us needs to protect.”
“Besides ourselves,” I said wryly.
Dez chuckled lightly. “Not from each other, I hope.” He rested his right hand on the table; I glanced down at it for a moment, the fine copper hairs of his knuckles gleaming in the dying light. His pale fingers were curled under his palm, covering the infinity tattoo I knew was still there.
What else did he have to hide from me? This much I knew for sure: if he wanted me gone, he would not have made that call. With Suzy fully recovered and his assassin dead, he had done nothing else to try to harm me. I wouldn't call him my friend, but he was no longer my enemy. And for a Deceiver to declare, with their dying breath, that they would not do the one thing that was clearly in their nature to do was no small thing.
Then again, neither was sex. I had certainly learned that the hard way. If me fucking him was Dez’s opening bid, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what else he might call in.
Yet, at this moment, I was already a dead man walking. What more could he do?
“I don't know how much time I have left, Dez,” I said finally. “Even if you wanted to – and I’m not saying you do – there's not much else you can do to me.”
Dez only nodded slightly, his expression unreadable. I looked straight at him, calm and serious. “If a one-night stand makes us even…I’ll do it.”
Dez smiled then, but on him smiles never looked quite right, even when he was supposedly happy. I had no idea what he was thinking; the sun had disappeared completely, leaving his face masked in shadow. “Let’s go, then.”
“Right now? Why?”
He shrugged, still smiling. “Do you have a plan for another time?”
Bastard. I shook my head, ignoring the sudden throb of my pulse. The drop of rain that splashed onto my hand felt more like a bucket of ice.
“Then why not now?”
Why not? is one of those questions that never has a satisfactory answer. Oh, well. Better to get this over with that much sooner.
Dez drained the last of his wine and gestured to the bar. “You want a drink first?”
Tempting as it was, I declined. I needed to keep my head clear when it came to Dez, especially for something like this. Besides, I had a feeling even one of Jimmy’s concoctions wouldn’t make sleeping with Dez any easier.
“Your place or mine?” I asked as we walked to my car, ignoring the rain that was starting to fall more steadily.
“Are you expecting anyone tonight?”
“Yours, then. You’ve got impressive stamina for a human, but when I’m through with you, you won’t be able to stand.”
I made a noncommittal sound of acknowledgment in response and got in. We drove in silence back to my apartment. It occurred to me later that I could have ditched him then – just jumped in my car and taken off. He might have been pissed, but he wouldn't come after me. He would have let me off and given me another way to repay him, like he said.
But I didn't do that. Instead, I found myself wondering what he might look like naked. Desperately, I tried to think of something else – and almost crashed the car. Dez’s only reaction was a slight smirk. Thank God he wasn't psychic.
When we got back to my place, I locked the door and pulled down the blind. Hubris cawed from his perch, but I ignored him; he’d already been fed, and he only disturbed me when he was hungry. After a moment’s thought, I took off my six-shooter and placed it on my desk. Dez watched in silence; when I raised an eyebrow at him, he grunted and put down his gun, too.
We stood there for a minute or two in silence, just looking at each other as the rain tapped on the window, before something occurred to me.
“I don't have any condoms,” I admitted.
Dez chuckled, taking a step towards me. “Not to imply anything about you, Adam, but one of the upsides of not being human – I’m immune to human diseases. The physical kind, anyway.”
Before I could ask what he meant, he grabbed the lapels of my trenchcoat, pushing it off my shoulders as he began to guide me backwards, his stare intense. I let my coat fall to the floor as I stepped back, his hands now on my shoulders, swallowed up by his gaze and barely registering when my ankles bumped into the bed. I dropped onto it, and Dez sat next to me.
His stare didn't let up as he reached for the hem of my shirt, slipping his hands underneath. He paused for an instant as our skin made contact, then pushed my shirt up and over my head in one swift movement. Maybe I imagined it, but I thought I saw him bite his lip as my shirt hit the floor.
Not knowing what else to do, I reached for his shirt buttons and began undoing them, one at a time. Did he lick his lips as I touched him for the first time? And when had my heart started beating so fast? His chest was as pale as the rest of him, but well-toned, with a fine covering of red hair across his pecs. I have to admit he looked pretty good for being over a thousand years old.
He caught me staring as I pulled his shirt away and smirked.
“Like what you see?”
I didn't answer, but my involuntary swallow betrayed me.
Dez chuckled as he reached over and drew his hand down my chest; the tips of his nails grazed over my skin as his fingers ran through the light trail of dark hair, over the scar Veidt’s bullet had left. “You’re not so bad yourself, Wolfe.”
“How many are you comparing me to?”
His eyes swung up to meet mine. “I don't kiss and tell, but let's just say I haven't been lonely the last few centuries.”
Any smart-ass response I could have given was interrupted by him pushing me, not so gently, down on the bed. My head had barely hit the pillow before he was reaching for my waistband. I flushed as I realized how hard I was becoming – and we’d barely done anything.
“Where’s Suzy?” I managed to ask over the metallic hiss of my zipper coming undone. At least the practical part of my mind was still in control, or maybe the curious bit. What did a demon vessel-in-training do all day?
Dez laughed. “I’m taking your pants off and that’s what you’re thinking about? Your mind is a strange place, Wolfe.”
You don't have to tell me, I thought, raising my hips to help him as he pulled my jeans off, boxers coming with them. I shuddered as they joined my shirt on the floor, though I couldn't tell if it was the cold air, arousal, or just how exposed I was feeling. Maybe all three.
All I had on now was Allie’s watch. I reached for Dez’s waistband, but he sat up, not looking at me as he shucked the rest of his clothes, without the least bit of self-consciousness. He said, “She’s eating dinner at a friend’s house. They’re having a sleepover.”
“She lives a pretty normal life, huh?”
Dez shrugged as he turned back to me and I desperately tried to keep eye contact with him. “She won’t be my vessel for a long time. Until then, right now she’s just a typical little girl.”
We stared at each other in silence for a few moments. There we were, both naked now, knowing the what but not the how of what would happen next.
I took a breath and tried to sit up, but surprisingly, Dez stopped me, pushing me back down firmly. He moved over me, hands on either side of my head, pinning me to the bed. I felt him between my thighs, his cock brushing mine, and swallowed hard. His skin was hot against mine, his nipples poking hard into my chest. I could almost taste the spicy tang of his scent.
“I – I thought you wanted me to fuck you,” was all I could say.
Dez chuckled. “I do. But that's not all I had in mind for tonight.”
Before I could react, his mouth was at my neck, kissing, sucking and nipping. Yeah, that would definitely leave a mark. Good thing my coat had a high collar. I bit back a moan even as I started moving against him. God, I had forgotten how good that felt. Especially with his beard rubbing over my skin.
He shifted, and I turned my head towards him, wondering if he would kiss me, wondering if I wanted him to – but he didn't. Instead, he began to kiss his way down my chest, pausing only to flick his tongue over my nipple, then licking it slowly as I gasped, jerking underneath him. He flashed a quick grin at me before moving to my other nipple, sucking and then biting it lightly as his thumb came up to tease the other one.
I was already breathing hard. I don't know what I expected, but this wasn't it. I closed my eyes and all I could hear was my breath, coming in short gasps, Dez kissing a trail further south, and my heart beating like a caged bird’s wings.
It had been a while, to say the least. This was to be expected…right? I realized my hands were just lying at my sides. Should I touch him? Did he want me to touch him?
I was quickly distracted from this question by warm fingers wrapping around the base of my cock, slowly stroking upwards. A callused thumb ran its way up a vein along the shaft, pausing for an instant before brushing over the head.
Fuck. I moaned this time, my stomach clenching. I glanced up to look at Dez, whose expression seemed to be a strange mix of amusement and arousal.
He continued stroking me like that for a while, gradually increasing the pace, until my cock was covered in pre-cum and I was writhing like an eel under his touch. Even the best late-night jerk-off couldn't compare to the feeling of someone else taking control, letting me lose myself in the sensations.
My orgasm was building fast, but Dez knew what he was doing, always pulling back just enough to let me cool off before picking up again. I was doing my best to hold back, but it had been too long and he was too good.
Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, Dez let go. I looked up to see him shifting on the bed, barely having time to wonder what he was doing before he lowered his lips to my cock. He ran his tongue slowly up its length before taking it in. The wet heat of his mouth smoothly engulfed my head, his tongue expertly sliding over the slit.
Oh, God. I bit my lip to keep from crying out, my hands crumpling the sheets at my sides. I didn't have to let him know how good he was. He already knew.
Dez kept his attentions at the end of my cock, his hand coming up to play with my balls as he kept at it, the other hand reaching up to tease my nipples. If I had been turned on before, I had just gone straight to eleven. I had been ready to tell him what I liked, wouldn’t have minded telling him, but I didn’t have to say a word. I didn't know how he was so tuned in to me, and at the moment I didn’t much care.
Yet, in the midst of my pleasure-induced fog, one question occurred to me.
“Dez?” I managed to ask, in a brief moment of clarity.
He looked up, letting my cock fall from his mouth as casually as discarding a toothpick, without a hint of impatience. The room suddenly felt cooler. “Yeah, Adam?”
“How far is this going to go?”
He shrugged, running the pad of his thumb over my nipple. “As far as you want it to. I’ve done everything you know about and plenty you don’t. I’ve topped, I’ve bottomed, I’ve sandwiched, I’ve been in positions you probably didn’t even know were possible. Even so, not all sex involves penetration. If I wanted a straightforward fuck, I could find that anywhere; this is San Francisco. I'm here for you, Adam. I told you before – I won’t force you into anything, in any sense. Just one condition: I’m not leaving this bed until we’re both satisfied. Got it?”
He didn't wait for me to answer as his mouth returned to my cock. Which was probably a good thing, as the moan I let out was all I could manage.
Dez took me in deeper, working his way down my cock until he nearly had all of me inside his mouth, nose buried in my pubic hair. I gasped, grabbing for his head as my hips bucked. He picked up the pace, stroking my thigh and rolling my nipples, mouth sliding and sucking up and down my length, slick and warm and moist. Sweat was coating me like a second skin as I thrashed underneath him, desperate to maintain control as the pressure built.
“Dez,” I choked out, my throat dry. “Dez, I'm going to –”
He released me just long enough to reply, “Give it to me, Adam.”
His tongue touched my head again and I went off, groaning in pleasure as my cock pulsed inside his mouth, come spurting down his throat. He swallowed with barely a wince, taking it all as my orgasm went on and on, sucking every last drop out of me. Part of me wondered if it had been building since Dez had first made his little proposal; how long ago tonight had that been?
Finally, as I returned to myself and my breathing slowed, Dez finished swallowing, licking the last few drops from the tip, leaving no trace of how…thoroughly I had enjoyed that.
“Satisfied?” he asked, his grin mischievous. Some residue of come glistened in his beard; he wiped it away, licking his fingers clean one at a time.
“Fuck you,” I managed to respond, going limp beneath him, the sweat drying on my skin.
Dez chuckled. “Soon enough, Adam. Soon.”
We laid there in silence for a bit as I recovered, listening to the rain falling harder outside, giving me time to think about what had just happened. All the other times I’ve had sex, there was desire, need, passion, desperation. There was a lot of frenzied kissing, groping, thrusting, tearing each other's clothes off. This…was different. Even the times we took it slower, it wasn't like this. This wasn’t even like sex when I had been in love, years and years ago. Right now we were settling a debt, nothing more, and yet we weren't just yanking each other off to get it over with. Dez wanted me, for sex if nothing else, but what did I want from him?
I would do what he wanted – which, I was sure, was more than a half-assed hand job – but strangely, I found myself not repulsed by the thought. Especially not after what he had just done for me. Maybe I wouldn’t have fucked him under normal circumstances, but nothing about my life was “normal” anymore. The least I could do was make it good for him. I felt I owed him that much.
“What do you want me to do, Dez?” I asked as I felt life slowly returning to my cock.
He shrugged, leaning on his elbow. “What do you want to do to me?”
Bastard. Well, at least he’d asked. “Even if we had the supplies, anal’s not my thing.”
“Fine by me,” Dez said nonchalantly. “Just so you know, I didn't want to mention it before in case you weren't up for it – as it were – but I brought lube. And a condom.”
Of course he had. “How long have you been carrying those things around?”
“Since I heard you got out of the hospital.”
God, how long had he been planning this? Since we’d met? Since I’d saved his life? I decided I didn't want to know and asked, “How about another blow job?”
“I won’t object,” Dez said. “Anyone would be a fool to turn that down, especially from you. But why don’t we try something else? Variety is the spice of life.”
Well, it seemed tonight I wasn't going to live out the fantasy I had envisioned earlier at the bar.
Hold on – no, fantasy was not the right word for…that. Image? No. Daydream? Definitely not. Head trip? That was more like it.
I frowned, trying to think of something beyond oral, but less involved than anal. Then it came to me. “Between your thighs?”
There was a pause before Dez answered; I thought I heard him swallow. “Sounds good.” His tone was less casual now, his voice huskier. “Ready when you are. Lube’s in my pants pocket.”
I got up and retrieved the lube. When I turned around, Dez had changed positions, now lying where I had been, looking at me expectantly. Climbing back onto the bed, I knelt in front of him, grateful for the darkness as I squirted lube into my hands, then applied it liberally to my cock.
“This isn't your first time, is it?” Dez asked. I didn't have to look up to know he was watching me.
“I thought you said you didn't care about that.”
I looked up to see him shrug. “Just because I don't care doesn't mean I’m not curious.”
“It's not my first time, no.” I tossed the lube and moved closer, intent on distracting him from further questioning.
He spread his legs, hooking them around my waist as I settled between his thighs, propping myself on my arms. So, he wouldn't kiss me, but he had no objection to us facing each other. Interesting.
I didn't think much on that as my cock slid across his balls and he gasped. He clamped his legs around me, trapping me in place. Not that I minded much. I moved up, rubbing my cock against his thigh, and just the sound of his moan almost made me come again.
I almost wished the lights were on. I wanted to see his eyes blown black with desire, watch his face contort as he tried to hold back his orgasm, knowing that it was me making him lose control, that nothing and no one before this moment mattered for now.
For the first time since I’d saved his life, I had the upper hand (and figuratively this time, not literally).
“Adam.” Dez’s whisper interrupted my thoughts.
“Yeah, Dez?” This was a rare opportunity, and I wasn't about to waste it.
“What are you waiting for?”
“For you to tell me what you want.”
Dez sighed, and I bit back a laugh. “Fine. I want you to fuck me.”
“Sorry, didn't catch that. Could you repeat it?”
His voice was louder this time. “Fuck me, Adam.” And fuck you, I could almost hear him adding. His annoyance from before was now gone, replaced with decisiveness – and just a hint of desperation.
“You don't sound like you mean it.” I slid my cock up his thigh again, not quite touching his.
Without warning, Dez reached up and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me down till we were nose-to-nose. I had forgotten how strong he actually was. “Adam Wolfe, fuck me right now or I will kill you.”
“That's more like it.” I decided against pointing out that killing me wouldn't really help his cause, and instead sat up, beginning to move against him, slowly at first, then faster as the friction built. Dez threw his head back on the pillow, his chest heaving, breaths sharper and shorter as I increased my thrusting.
Any other time I’d done this, we would have had our tongues down each other’s throats, mouths grinding together with the same intensity as our cocks. But Dez hadn't kissed me and I wouldn't initiate it. There were other things I could do. I saw him look up as I lowered my head, but I went for his chest instead, kissing my way across, flicking and teasing his nipples with my tongue just as he had done to me earlier.
“Fuck, Adam,” Dez choked out.
“Isn’t – that – what – I’m doing?” I panted between thrusts, keeping time with the rain pounding on the roof.
“Getting – close –” Dez could barely get the words out. I thought he meant he was about to come, until I felt his hands on my hips, pulling me upwards. I complied, moving up his body as he shifted backward, his skin slick against mine, until we were groin to groin and I was staring down at him.
“Shame you can’t afford a headboard,” he said, once he had me where he wanted me.
“Does this make up for it?” I asked, thrusting upwards so our cocks slid against each other.
His only reply was a low groan, as his hand reached down between us, kneading our cocks together with more force. I bit my lip, feeling the pressure mounting again, but determined not to come before he did.
“Almost,” was all he said.
I laughed in spite of myself. “Guess I’ll have to try harder, then.”
I thrust up against him quickly, not giving him a chance to reply, and he jolted underneath me like I’d touched him with a live wire, just as I had under him.
We kept at it like that for a while, me slapping up against him and him meeting me thrust for thrust, our cocks rubbing hot and slick between us, his hands moving up and down my back with the play of muscles beneath my skin, occasionally reaching between our legs to add more friction. Not that we needed much more.
I was starting to wear out, so I increased my pace and Dez groaned slightly before thrusting harder against me, his hand grabbing for my cock. I started slamming against him, wondering briefly if I was hurting him, but his gasps and moans quickly told me otherwise as he furiously stroked my cock.
He rubbed even harder, faster, matching my speed, and it was all I could do to try and keep up. Pleasure burned white-hot through my veins, and I threw my head back, trembling, bucking against him –
I barely heard Dez groan my name as he pulled me hard against him, his cock pulsing hard beneath me, releasing mine as I exploded seconds later, come splattering in milky strands across our chests. For several blissful moments I couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anything except the last bursts of a surge of pleasure so intense that it seemed light itself was shattering behind my eyes.
As my cock softened and I came back to my senses, I couldn’t hold myself up any longer and collapsed on top of Dez, my head landing on his shoulder, feeling his chest rising underneath me. I stayed there for just a few seconds before rolling off him, waiting until I had caught my breath before trying to sit up, moving to the other end of the bed so we were lying opposite each other.
Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. The rain outside seemed louder than ever.
I glanced at him, but couldn’t even tell whether he was looking at me. Our come was still sticky on my skin, drying cold in the musty air of my apartment. Before long, the silence started to feel awkward. I laid there, trying to think of what to say, when Dez cleared his throat. “I think I should be going.”
I think so, too, I wanted to say, but couldn’t make the words come out. Maybe it was too rude, too abrupt after what we had just done, like he was some ten-dollar hooker out of Tenderloin. Instead, I said, “Okay. You need a ride home?”
I thought I saw him sag with relief, just a little. “Thanks, but I’ve got cab fare. Where’s your bathroom?”
I pointed and he got up, leaving me alone in the bed. As I laid there, I heard the sounds of a cabinet door opening, the toilet flushing, water running from the tap. He returned a few minutes later with a washcloth in hand.
“Here,” he said, tossing the cloth at me; I caught it, realizing it was damp. I looked up at him and he laughed. “I used a different one for me, Wolfe, don’t worry. It’s in your laundry basket.”
As I cleaned myself up, Dez got dressed, as efficiently and quickly as he had undressed so many hours ago. I wasn’t feeling jealous, but I couldn’t help wondering just how many times he had done this before. I was, what, the ten thousandth notch on his belt? How many others, just like me, had he been with before? How many more would he have – thanks to me – after I was gone? What was it about me that he wanted?
Well, with all that experience, he had been right about one thing, loath as I was to admit it – I definitely didn’t feel like standing. Dropping the washcloth on the floor next to my clothes, I settled back into bed, pulling the blanket over my waist. As Dez redid the top two buttons of his shirt, he looked at me.
“I lied, Wolfe. There’s something I didn’t tell you.”
Of fucking course. “What’s that?”
“This doesn’t have to be a one-time thing. You want to do this again, you know where to find me.”
Before I could respond, he had retrieved his gun and was already opening the door. He didn't look back as it closed behind him, the echoes of his footsteps soon fading down the hall.
I was too tired to move much. Feeling around on the floor, I managed to find my boxers and put them back on.
The gentle, staccato rhythm of the rain continued outside. Within minutes of slipping under the covers, I was sound asleep.
I woke early the next morning, even before Hubris could jump on my bed demanding his breakfast. As I sat up in the tangle of sheets, the San Francisco sunrise filtering in through my window, I realized I didn't feel groggy. No, for once I actually felt…refreshed.
It was the first time I’d slept without dreaming – or pills – in years.
I sat in silence for a few minutes, reliving the previous night. So. I’d slept with Dez. I’d survived, even enjoyed myself a little. We were even.
Was he free tonight? I knew I was –
Where exactly am I going with this? I can't be…no, I don't have to…
No, I never had to sleep with Dez again.
It was all so simple. What more did I need?
More importantly, why was I even thinking about his offer?
My head dropped into my hands, and I let out a groan as I realized the truth.
For the last two years, finding Allie had been my only priority. There had been minor diversions – my music, Hubris – but never anything that would have taken too much time or thought. Now that Allie was safe, I could finally start thinking about myself again. Sure, I still had to find Veidt and the hourglass, but if I couldn't, I still had to make the most of what little time I might have.
For two years I had been holding my breath. Last night had been an exhale, an escape. Dez knew me, knew who I am, what I’m capable of, and he still wanted me to fuck him. There weren't many people I could say that about.
He had gotten me off first, let me top, made me believe I was the one in control. For whatever reason, he had wanted me. And, as was in his nature, he had gotten me, in more ways than one.
And I knew where to find him.
I’d see him again soon. When I did, I’d have two questions for him, the first being Are you busy tonight?
He’d look at me with that leering grin and answer something like, No, but I could be.
As I fell back on the pillow, stubbornly ignoring the growing hardness between my legs, the second question loomed in my mind, even though I doubted I would ever ask him.
Who, exactly, got fucked here?
“So when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
Because the dance with the devil might last you forever.”
~ “Dance with the Devil”, Immortal Technique