It all started when Kaidoh cut his hand gardening. Well, that was where he thought it started.
Really, it started when Kaidoh had declined Inui's offer to live together. Even if it had been made in earnest (which Kaidoh doubted), he had to turn it down for the sake of his sanity and the privacy to daydream about living with Inui and stare soulfully at pictures of them together and shit.
A month later, Fuji had discovered and tried to fix a leak in Kaidoh's plumbing. Kaidoh had ended up living with Inui.
The fact that they regluarly slept together was not something he could have forseen, but it raised more issues than it solved.
But back to the gardening.
Kaidoh cut his hand on the mouth of a snake. The irony was heavy in the air, and the snake was unharmed and quickly absent.
"Oh," Inui had said at the time, touch gentle as he examined it. He felt the familiar thrill of contact, which never got old and didn't fade no matter how much Kaidoh tried to tell himself Inui would never offer what he really wanted, the familiar sheen of Inui's glasses as he pushed them up his nose. Kaidoh wishes he weren't so gentle. The whole picture was unfair: Inui, the man he lo-, he lov-, he really liked, being kind, surrounded by the plants Kaidoh loved and framed by a perfect sky. It made Kaidoh feel domestic and shit and like they would adopt a dog and teach his sister's kid tennis together. But he knew it wouldn't last. Because people didn't stay roommates and convenient hook ups forever.
The next day Inui dragged him to a cathedral, to "study the acoustics of choral singing on pendentives."
After walking and pausing at several different alcoves, waiting for Inui to silently assess whatever datum he was gathering before moving on, they stopped in front of the largest stained glass window. Inui turned to him and pulled something out of his pocket.
"Will you wear this ring?" Inui ran a finger softly down next to Kaidoh's injury. Kaidoh suppressed a shiver as his entire arm started to tingle. "Gold purportedly has healing properties and I'd like to study them," he murmured into the air heavy with incense and the intimate hush of holy places. Kaidoh's thoughts were anything but pure and he was probably metaphysically polluting the air.
"Yes," he said back in the same soft tone. He'd already forgotten the question. His breath caught as Inui slid the ring on his finger.
This was- too much. He needed to talk to someone, anyone. He opened his phone, and was immediately distracted by instagram. More specifically, by a selfie of Momo and Atobe in a limo. What.
Just as he went to eloquently comment with his mentally drafted "what," the page refreshed itself and the photo slipped away as another loaded. it was of himself, checking his phone, his ring finger glinting in the ambient candlelight.
"@tezuka," it read, "HE SAID YES!" Inui, Kaidoh fondly thought, would never learn to type like a regular person.
Eventually, there was a comment. "HOI HOI." It was Tezuka. There were lots of accessory wedding-themed emoji.
"Use your own phone, Eiji," Tezuka replied again.
"I'm glad you're not living in sin anymore" said Oishi, and then, 30 seconds later, "I was just kidding!!! <3<3"
"What is this!" said Kaidoh, shoving his phone in Inui's face. He could feel his face turning red but he didn't care. The dumb acoustics of the dumb cathedral made his voice even louder.
"I was informing our captain of our engagement," Inui said, "as he invariably hangs up before I can tell him anything when I call."
"En-en-engaged??" Kaidoh couldn't tell whether he was red from outrage or embarassment at this point. He wanted to take off his bandanna and hide his face in it.
"What did you think that was, Kaidoh?" Inui asked.
"We're not in a relationship, Inui. You have to be in a relationship before you get engaged."
"We're not - oh," Inui said. He looked a bit put out and started muttering to himself. "The first rep has failed, but by modifying certain variables and perhaps using more communication, the second rep may be more successful."
He reached for Kaidoh's hand, and Kaidoh surrendered it dumbly, mind awhirl. He snapped back into focus when he realized Inui was taking back his ring. He snatched back his hand and clutched it to his chest.
"No," he growled.
"Excuse me?" Inui said. "I can test another form of wound healing on you for now."
"No," said Kaidoh. "You can't take back a proposal. We're engaged now."
Inui blinked at him. "My observations have not shown you to be this traditional. Really, Kaidoh, let's just start over-"
"I want to be engaged to you!" Kaidoh yelled. The cathedral fell silent around them. Someone awkwardly cheered for them. And that, as they say, was that.
Much later, Kaidoh asked, "What was the point of the cathedral experiment?"
Inui pushed up his glasses. "The acoustics of the cathedral increased the romance of the moment by 18.4%."
"Oh," said Kaidoh.