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Dean the Dumbass, Sam the Semi-Smart One (Wherein Gabriel is still Foolish and Castiel is still Faithful)

Chapter Text

 

 

 

"Cut it out, Gabriel!" Dean growled, glancing over at the archangel who was sprawled over half of the couch.  "Move your angelic ass!" 

 

"Angelic ass," Gabriel scoffed, moving his legs so Dean had enough room to sit down.  "That's original.  Come up with better insults, Winchester," he shot back. 

 

Dean grumbled and grabbed the remote, turning the television on.  "No changing channels on me if you don't like what it is." 

 

Gabriel waved his fingers at Dean with a smirk.  "Angelic prerogative, I'll do whatever the hell I like."  He paused and considered.  “I could send you back for another round with them if you want...”

 

"I'll fucking stab you," Dean said, looking at Gabriel out of the corner of his eye, flipping the channel to Doctor Sexy.  

 

"You know damn well that stabbing me won't do a single thing other than relieve some of that pent up frustration you've got going on," Gabriel teased back, smirking.  "Of course, you could go take it out on Sam's ass, if you prefer." 

 

Sam choked at the table, glaring over at the two men on the couch.  "Hey!" 

 

Gabriel raised a finger and wagged it back and forth at Sam.  "Am I wrong?"

 

Sam flushed and glanced over at Castiel, clearing his throat as he focused back on the book.  "You don't need to talk about it like that." 

 

Gabriel stretched out on the couch, knitted his fingers over his chest, and looked completely immeasurably smug. "Ooooh, so you like being the outlet for Dean's anger, do you?"

 

"Gabriel," Castiel called, glancing over at him from where he was sitting across from Sam.  He could see the embarrassed flush creeping up Sam's cheeks.  "I would suggest stopping before I tell both Sam and Dean how much you enjoy cuddling." 

 

Gabriel sputtered as Dean barked out a laugh. 

 

Castiel smiled and nodded when Sam's grateful eyes met his.  He returned to his reading, carefully filling in where the ink had become impossible for human eyes to read. 

 

"Come on, I thought we could agree on Doctor Sexy!" Dean snapped when Gabriel scowled at the television. 

 

"This is a shit episode," Gabriel said, grabbing the remote from Dean before reclining back on his end of the couch with a yawn.  He flipped the channel and snapped, glad when one of his favorite episodes came on.  "How about this one?"

 

"Fine," Dean grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.  At least this was one of the ones he liked and not one of the other stupid ones that the angel had suggested in the past. 

 

Sam relaxed as they both quieted down and got lost in watching the episode.  He glanced up at Castiel who seemed content in working his way through the old book and smiled. 

 

"Sam?" Castiel asked, keeping his voice quiet so the other two would not hear.  "Are you all right?" 

 

Sam looked up at Cas and blinked in surprise.  "Yeah, definitely, why?"

 

Castiel tilted his head and studied the human more closely.  He was positive that he had identified that emotion correctly.  "You looked..."

 

Sam smiled.  "Oh, yeah.  I was thinking that these periods of peace don't last long for us, and what world-ending thing was going to happen next." 

 

"Ah," Castiel said, looking down at the book.  He thought back to what he knew of the Winchester's lives and realized that Sam was right.  The last few years had been a never ending spree of world-ending events after another.  Now, with Metatron and the Mark of Cain gone, things perhaps felt too quiet.  "I can see why you might think that." 

 

Sam shrugged and focused on his book again.  "It's okay.  I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess." 

 

"What if one doesn't?" Castiel asked, putting down the pen he had been using to write with to stare at Sam. 

 

Sam laughed a little and leaned back in his chair.  "Then Dean and I will probably explode from the tension after long enough.  We need to keep active-"

 

"You do not do that for each other already?" Castiel asked, tilting his head. 

 

Sam flushed and cleared his throat.  "I mean, uh," he paused and looked at Castiel.  "You're looking remarkably calm for having just implied that Dean and I are in a..."

 

"An incestous relationship?" Castiel replied, raising his eyebrow.  "Are you not?"

 

Sam coughed again.  "I mean, I'm not going to, to, well.  Fuck, of course we are, we're just-"

 

"Sam," Castiel interrupted.  "You do realize the nature of my relationship with Gabriel also falls within the same bounds, don't you?"

 

Sam blinked and looked over at Gabriel on the couch and then back to Castiel.  "But...it's-"

 

"You are as my Father made you," Castiel said with a smile.  "There is some risk of biological abnormalities in heterosexual couples who are closely related, but there is nothing in his laws against it." 

 

Sam's mouth fell open and he stared at Castiel for a long second before he snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat.  "So we don't have to tiptoe around you both?"

 

"Considering that you have been decidedly un-subtle in said tiptoeing?" Castiel asked, smiling a little when Sam flushed.  "No, you do not need to bother.  Neither Gabriel nor I care." 

 

Sam smiled and looked back down at his book.  "Okay, Cas," he agreed, picking up his pen again.  He paused before he started writing and looked at the angel.  "Speaking of you and Gabriel, I have a question for you." 

 

Castiel raised an eyebrow and stared at Sam.  "Yes?" 

 

"Are you two planning to stay here permanently?" Sam asked. 

 

Castiel tilted his head and frowned a little bit.  Neither Sam or Dean had mentioned anything about them imposing on their privacy here at the bunker, though, if they were in a relationship, perhaps they were looking for more privacy-

 

"See, if you are, we're going to have to get you guys a couple of changes of clothes for when we go into town.  And we should find a parking spot for your car in the garage.  And you can do more to decorate your room if you want," Sam continued, tapping his pencil against his jaw. 

 

Castiel blinked and stared at Sam, his confusion fading into a small smile.  "Ah.  Yes.  Those are likely excellent plans." 

 

"Stop flirting with my mate, Winchester!" Gabriel called from over the back of the couch.  "I'm supposed to be the only one to make him blush like that!" 

 

Sam flushed and looked down at his book.  "Shut up, I wasn't flirting with him, Gabriel." 

 

Dean took in how bright red his brother's ears were and raised both of his eyebrows.  "Well, you were doing something if you're blushing that darkly.  What was it?  Footsie?" 

 

"Dean!" Sam snapped, glaring at his brother, relaxing a bit when he realized that Dean was just teasing him.  "I was asking Cas if he wanted to decorate his damn room if he and Gabriel were going to be staying." 

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and looked between Dean and Sam.  "That's so domestic, I wouldn't have expected it of you," he commented, turning back to the television.  He snapped up some popcorn and offered it to Dean a moment later.  "Let's let our brothers be stupidly domestic.  We have better things to do.  Die Hard?" 

 

Dean flopped on the couch and took a big mouthful of the popcorn, groaning when he realized it was buttery and salty and covered in an excess of each, exactly how he liked it.  "Die Hard," he agreed. 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and turned back to Sam with a smile.  "I would very much enjoy doing those things, Sam.  As would Gabriel, despite his insistence on wanting to do other things." 

 

Sam grinned and nodded.  "We'll set up some shopping time.  You two can make this your home if you want it." 

 

"Are you asking us to move in permanently?" Gabriel called. 

 

"Well, it's not like you've been living here or anything," Sam snapped back, grinning at the back of Gabriel's head.  He snorted when a couple of pieces of popcorn got tossed at him.  "Just speaking the truth!" 

 

"Then hurry up and say yes and quit bitching so Sam stops pouting," Dean ordered, throwing a few pieces of popcorn at Gabriel a moment later. 

 

Gabriel pouted at Dean.  "Stop wasting the popcorn!"

 

"You just threw some at Sam!" 

 

"Well, yes, but that was a far better use than wasting it by throwing it at me!" Gabriel defended, picking up one of the pieces and popping it into his mouth.  He licked his lips and settled back into the couch, snapping his fingers again. 

 

Sam looked around the room and smiled a little bit as they all settled into what they were doing before.  That had gone far more smoothly than he expected.  He still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was going to happen to make it all blow up in their faces. 

 

~!~

 

"I swear to God, Gabriel, I'm going to fucking kill you!" Dean snapped, storming out of the shower. 

 

Gabriel danced back a few steps, giving a delighted laugh at the sight of Dean covered in feathers.  His prank had worked perfectly, and he needed to savor this sight for a long, long time.  "Can't kill me, remember?" 

 

"Oh, I'm going to give it an old-fashioned try!" Dean shouted, grabbing his gun off the table. 

 

Gabriel cackled and snapped the gun out of Dean's hand and back onto the table he had just strode past.  He realized that Dean was also leaving a trail of water and feathers as he walked closer and that had him breaking into gales of laughter all over again.  "You should, have seen, your fucking face." 

 

"You're going to see my fucking fist in a second, Gabriel," Dean snapped, glaring at the archangel, who took one look at him and burst out laughing all over again.

 

Gabriel waggled his eyebrows.  "What if I told you I could actually take your fist?" He gave a little thrust of his hips and smirked when Dean blushed. 

 

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and glared.  "I am going to kill you!" 

 

"Not what you're actually thinking!" Gabriel taunted, trailing his eyes down Dean's mostly bare body.  He licked his lips and smirked.  Feathers didn’t hide much of anything.  "Someone likes the idea of stuffing me full, huh?" 

 

"No!" Dean snapped.  He turned around and started to stride back towards the bathroom, glaring at the feathers in the hallway. 

 

Gabriel was waiting in the bathroom when Dean walked into it again, a delighted smirk on his face.  "That's the most yes-filled no I've heard in a long time.  A long time, Winchester.  Someone's feeling a little repressed with dear Sammy gone with Cas, huh?" 

 

"Fuck off and get the hell out of the bathroom!" Dean growled, turning the shower on again, waiting a few seconds for it to heat before he stepped under the spray, the feathers falling off of him in a puddle on the ground. 

 

Gabriel snapped the puddle of feathers away and leaned against the edge of the stall, taking in the rivulets of water running down Dean's back and over his ass.  "I think that's exactly it, isn't it?" 

 

Dean picked up the shampoo and poured some of it into his hand, clenching his eyes shut.  If he ignored Gabriel, the fucker would get bored and go away eventually.  He just had to ignore Gabriel for long enough.  He took a deep breath and started to lather his hair. 

 

Gabriel hummed and watched Dean soap up his hair, the suds trailing down his arms and back.  He licked his lips and gave his erection a slow rub through his pants.  "I do see why Sam can't keep his hands off of you.  Especially now that you two clued into the fact that we don't give a shit." 

 

Dean grunted and rinsed off his hands, picking up the body wash to do the same.  Just ignore him.  Fucking ignore the fact that he could feel the weight of Gabriel's gaze, staring at him.  He could hear Gabriel, the way his words were slower than usual, almost a drawl, to accompany the weight of his gaze. 

 

"I can't decide who I like the sound of better," Gabriel said, chuckling a little as he undid the button on his pants, changing his mind a moment later, snapping the rest of his clothes away.  He wrapped a hand around himself and started to stroke, slowly, just enough to be a tease.  "I think it might be you.  You don't get noisy until you really let go, but fuck, the way Sam must give it to you to make you shout like that..." 

 

Dean bit down on his lip hard enough to taste blood.  He wasn't going to fucking fall for this shit.  Even though he was half-hard and getting harder, Gabriel's words teasing him and reminding him the last time Sam had fucked him hard enough to have him feeling it for days.  "Gabriel..." he growled, trying to make it sound threatening.  It didn't come out that way. 

 

Gabriel laughed and tilted his head back against the shower walls, working himself over faster now.  "Fuck, I've imagined it, you know.  No one who has ever looked at you hasn't thought about it, just for a few seconds." 

 

Dean snorted.  "I'm guessing you've spent more than a few seconds," he muttered, focusing on rinsing off the body wash, watching it filter into the drain.  He had to pretend that he wasn't hearing the sound of Gabriel's hand moving over his cock, stroking harder and faster. 

 

"You bet your sweet ass I have," Gabriel said, grinning again.  "Of course, you'd be preferential to Sammy taking you, but I'd be just as willing to ride that fine piece of equipment of yours.  You talk about wanting to shut me up, Dean, you ever considered that I need a proper mouthful to keep me from talking?" 

 

Dean bit down on his lip, trying to keep the groan from escaping, but he knew Gabriel heard, because he heard the bastard step even closer to him.  The slick sound of Gabriel's hand on his cock filled his ears and Dean shuddered.  "Cas doesn't give you a mouthful often enough?"

 

Gabriel smirked and licked his lips.  "Castiel is still learning to get an appreciation of all things physical.  A grace bond, and sex, union, rather, for us is different.  But you, Dean, you know exactly how good what I am describing feels." 

 

Dean moaned, slamming his eyes shut.  He pressed both of his hands against the wall in front of him, his cock giving an angry throb.  "So what, you want me to give you a mouthful?" he growled, turning to press his head under the water.  "You don't think I'm not saving this for Sam?" he added.