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you take me (higher than the rest)

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Honestly: Sebastian is not even sure how they wind up here.

It’s the press tour, is the thing. Get a bunch of theater kids together for an extended period of time and they’re gonna get up to shit, it’s just how it works. And he and Mackie are absolutely weird theater kids at heart, regardless of how they’re also apparently worldwide stars, so. Here they are in Mackie’s hotel room, a few drinks down, bored out of their skins, and somehow the conversation winds its way around from types and exes to kink and power dynamics in fucking, and Mackie is talking shit just like always.

“No, fuck you,” Sebastian says, half laughing and half serious. “I like to dom. I’m good at it.”

“Sebastian,” Mackie says, looking at him all warmly amused. “Baby. You’re good at it because you like to please people, that doesn’t make you a dom.”

“Oh, whatever,” Seb says. Shoves Mackie’s thigh with his socked foot, pours another measure of whisky into both their glasses. “You just can’t handle that your read on me was wrong.” Mackie smirks at that over the rim of his glass, like he’s entirely unconvinced by Sebastian’s protests, and Seb shoves him again slightly harder. “Fuck you, I’ll prove it.”

“You’ll prove it,” Mackie says, skeptical, and that’s it, Seb is sliding out of his seat all ungraceful limbs, hitting the floor harder than he meant to. Fuck, he’ll have bruises on his knees tomorrow, whatever, it’s worth it to win whatever this argument has turned into.

“Yeah,” he says, defiant, “I will,” and Mackie blinks at him.

“You’re on your knees on the floor, that’s not exactly proving much of anything right now,” he points out, and Seb rolls his eyes.

“You’re the one who’s so sure I’m, like, such a sub,” he says. “Come on. Show me you’re right, I dare you.”

“Oh my god,” Mackie sighs, “I can’t just… that’s not how it works, man,” but he straightens up, sits forward, lets his thighs fall open. Puts his glass down on the coffee table. “Come here,” he says. “Hands behind your back.” Points at the space between his feet, and Seb shuffles forward, settles into kneeling with his hands curled into the small of his back, just like Mackie said. Mackie is looking at him a little curiously, a little amused, and Seb has to look up to see his face, and he feels a flicker of something in the back of his mind. It’s probably just drunken sexual frustration from having been on this tour for, like, months, Seb thinks. Whatever.

“Hmm,” Mackie hums, almost but not quite under his breath. Touches two fingers to Seb’s chin. “Yeah, baby, keep looking up at me just like that.” His voice has dropped a little lower, less playful, and Seb blinks, tilts his chin up a little higher. Is suddenly aware of the line of his throat, how Mackie could slip his hand down just a fraction and he’d be pressing his palm against it. The pressure would be-

“Yeah,” Mackie murmurs again, “that’s good, Sebastian,” and then he’s sliding his fingers up over Seb’s jaw, into his hair, the curls at the nape of his neck. Presses his thumb against Seb’s pulse, and tightens his grip on Seb’s hair before letting go, stroking it back again from his forehead. Leaves his hand there this time, heavy and reassuring, and Seb shivers from the crown of his head all the way down to his fingertips.

“You’re such a good boy for me,” Mackie tells him. Pulls him forward, his other hand cradling the back of Seb’s head gentle and firm all at once, and Sebastian sways into it, Mackie’s hands warm and perfect and so fucking good-

“Oh,” Sebastian slurs, mouth slack with shock and sheer blinding arousal, “fuck,” and Mackie smiles at him. Tousles his hair.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “like I was saying.”

“... oh my god,” Seb manages. He feels like he’s underwater, dreamy and soft, sinking down into something where all that matters is Anthony’s hands on him and Anthony telling him how good he is, fuck, how had he never realized.

“Shit, you’re really under, huh?” Mackie says fondly. “It can hit you like that, man. Come on. Take a deep breath.” Except then his hands aren’t in Seb’s hair anymore, and Seb can’t help it. Whines, and then catches himself whining, feels his eyes going wide. “Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Mackie tells him. Cups his cheek, touches his hair again a little more careful. “Sorry,” he says, sounding a little worried. “If I’d known you’d go down so hard I wouldn’t have- shit, it was reckless. Can you take a breath for me, baby?”

“I don’t feel bad,” Seb says, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment. “It feels. Good.” But he sucks in a breath anyway, holds it the way his therapist had taught him back when panic attacks were a way more common problem for him than they are these days. In for six, hold for three, out for eight. “Seriously,” he adds, “it’s. Really good, fuck.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Mackie says. “You with me? Yeah, there you are. Fuck, Sebastian, don’t let people do this to you without negotiating your limits first, okay.”

“Kind of hard,” Seb points out, “given I didn’t know until, like, five minutes ago,” and Anthony laughs. Lets his hand fall away, and Seb makes a sad little noise that he’d probably be embarrassed about if he was sober. “Can you-” he says. Swallows, and swallows again. Looks down at the carpet. “Can you just… can you keep touching me?”

“Oh,” Mackie says, “sweetheart,” and then he’s combing his fingers through Seb’s hair, careful and gentle and sweet. “You don’t have to keep your arms behind your back,” he tells Seb, “it’s okay,” and Seb lets himself relax. Settles down out of kneeling until he’s slumped against Anthony’s knee, his cheek pressed to the denim of Anthony’s thigh. He’s kind of sleepy, still a little drunk, caught halfway between relaxation and arousal, and then Mackie’s fingers snag on a tangle, pulling his hair in a bright flare of pain, and fuck, that’s-

“Oh fuck,” he moans. Bites his lip, and hears Anthony’s breath catch.

“Fuck, Seb, did that-”

“I’m so turned on right now I could die,” Seb admits. Blushing as he says it, pushing his face harder into Anthony’s thigh, only that just makes him realize exactly how close he is to Anthony’s dick, and all of a sudden he really is so turned on he might die. Prickling hot with it, and he just wants Anthony to grab his hair again, to pull, to get his dick in Seb’s mouth until Seb’s wrecked and fucked out and blissful, holy shit.

He mouths along Anthony's inseam. Tracing the denim with his tongue, leaning in, and Anthony's hand tightens in his hair until Seb can't move. He moans again, louder. His whole body wants this like it just knows what to do, fuck, how did he not figure it out before now.

“Jesus,” Mackie says above him. “You have no idea how much I want to- okay, get up here, fuck.”

Seb lets himself be pulled back up onto the couch. Anthony keeps one hand in his hair, one hand on the back of his neck. Thumb rubbing little circles over the bone of his spine, and Sebastian feels so pliant, floating with the touch and grounded in it all at once.

“You’re drunk,” Anthony tells him, “we’re drunk, that’s not how it’s gonna go. I mean, fuck, we’ve never even fooled around, right? You want this, you can go do your research and think about your limits and we’ll try it when we’re sober, okay?”

It’s sensible. It’s responsible. It’s Mackie taking care of him, Seb knows that. Making sure he knows what he’s in for, not starting anything when they’re drunk and saying yes is kind of murky. It doesn’t make him want it any less, the liquid momentum of it, and he feels his mouth turn down before he can put a gloss on it.

“I get it,” he says, all in a rush, “I do, I swear, I- shit, you’re just-”

“Come here,” Anthony murmurs. Tugs him in a little closer. “You want me to kiss you?”

“I- yeah,” Seb says. Swallows hard. “Yes.”

“I need more than that,” Anthony says. “What do you say, baby?”

Oh. Oh. “Please,” Seb gets out, his whole brain feeling like it’s nothing but a flare of bright light. “Please, fuck, please.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Anthony says. “That’s so good, Seb,” and then he’s leaning in, bracketing Seb against the back of the couch so he can brush a kiss light on Seb’s cheek. Traces his lips softly down Seb’s jaw to his mouth, kisses him slow and teasing, and Sebastian is about to push back into it when he takes a breath, forces himself to hold still even as his whole body wants more. “Good boy,” Anthony praises him, “who knew you could be this obedient, huh?” and the approval has him shivering with how much he wants it. Man, you have got the biggest praise kink I’ve ever seen, Anthony had told him earlier, and Seb had dismissed it but apparently Mackie just knows a shitload more about what Seb likes than Seb himself, apparently, because goddamn.

Anthony kisses him again, a little harder this time. Nips at his lower lip, swipes his tongue over it to soothe the pain, and Seb lets his mouth fall open, makes a quiet little noise all desperate longing.

“Mm-hmm,” Anthony hums against his mouth, and Sebastian takes him up on it, kisses back. Fuck, fuck, he’s always had, like, a simmeringly latent crush on Mackie, who wouldn’t, and it’s becoming rapidly obvious that it’s not, like, a low-key crush at all but something way more urgent and all-encompassing.

“Can I-” he starts. Takes a breath. “May I touch you?”

“Yes,” Anthony says, “go on,” and Seb reaches for him, slides his hands up Anthony’s ribs, his shoulders, pulls him down all solid weight on top of him. They make out for a couple more minutes, slow and sweet, and all Seb can think is why the fuck haven’t we been doing this already. God, it’s good. It’s so good.

“Okay,” Mackie says. Pulls away, smiles at Seb. “Enough. Go and get a bottle of water, baby. And a snack. Some kind of candy, you choose.”

Sebastian has to take a minute to breathe before he can get off the couch. Feels like his legs might give out under him, and he grabs a bottle of mineral water from the minibar, considers the snack options thoughtfully before going with a packet of M&Ms. Brings them back to the couch, hands the candy to Mackie.

“Thank you,” Anthony says. “That’s great. Drink your water.” He sips his whisky, watches Seb take a couple swallows of water. Tears open the bag and pours some candy into his palm. “Open up,” he says, and Seb swallows his mouthful, opens his mouth obediently for Anthony to put an M&M on his tongue.

“You’re feeding me candy now?” Seb asks, crunching the M&M, and Anthony shrugs.

“It’s good aftercare,” he says, touching Sebastian’s lower lip with one finger, and Seb opens his mouth again for Anthony to pop another handful of candy in. He pushes Seb’s chin closed afterwards, all these casual little touches that leave Seb in no doubt about who’s in charge right here. He feels- good, is the thing. All safe and cared for, like he can just give up decision-making and let Mackie call the shots. “Get your blood sugar up, I don’t want you dropping when you go back to your room.”

“Oh,” Seb says, “right, I- okay.”

“Hey,” Anthony tells him. Cups his cheek. “Like I said. You can go figure your shit out and we’ll come back to it, alright?”

“Yeah,” Seb agrees through a yawn. Mackie’s right, of course he is, it’s just… Seb’s always had a habit of throwing himself in and hoping for the best, if he’s being honest.

“Okay,” Mackie says. Kisses him again, lips curving into a smile. “Come on. You got shit to do tomorrow, I don’t want you off your game. Don’t stay up too late. And drink more water before you go to bed.”

“Yes, sir,” Seb says, mostly joking, except Anthony’s eyebrows go up again and he gives Seb this look that says, you’re goddamn right.

Fuck, Sebastian is gonna get right on that research, he knows that much.


It takes him a couple of days to get enough time to himself to sit down and look things up. Finally they get a free evening, something scheduled in his phone calendar as ‘R&R DO NOT GO OUT YOU WILL REGRET IT’. Curls up in the armchair in the corner of his hotel room with his iPad, opens an incognito tab, types in ‘BDSM subbing for beginners’.

There’s. There’s a lot of information.

You can do this, he tells himself firmly, just like prepping for an audition, and pulls out his bullet journal and pen, flicks to a blank page so he can start writing a list. Two lists. Maybe three lists, fuck, there’s just. It’s a lot.

Two hours later, he’s knocking at Mackie’s door, hoping it’s not too late. Mackie answers looking rumpled in a singlet and black sweatpants, and Sebastian’s mouth goes dry. This is stupid, fuck, they’ve been, like, best friends for years. Figuring out some stuff about himself and one really spectacular make-out session isn’t gonna change that.

“Hey,” Anthony says, though, looking soft and pleased. “Come on in. You want something to drink?”

“Uh,” Seb says. Runs his hand through his hair. “Water? Or, shit, that lemon tea if you’ve got it.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Anthony says, and flicks the kettle on. Glances at Seb, smiles very slow like he knows what Seb is here for. “Not drinking tonight?”

“Well, it’s just,” Seb manages. Chews his lip. “You think, uh. You think, what we did, do you think we could…”

“You get a chance to work things out?”

“I looked it up,” Seb admits. “I… there’s a lot out there. Did you know that? You probably know that, fuck. I wrote a list. Like five lists. I think I… I mean, I’m still figuring it out, obviously, but I kind of. I want to. I wanna do it with you, if you-”

“Baby,” Mackie says, putting a hand on Seb’s shoulder and exerting just enough pressure that Seb understands the gesture. Folds down onto his knees, and Anthony slides his palm onto the back of his neck, and Seb exhales all at once.

“Oh,” he says. Tilts his head back. “Oh, thank fuck.”

“You need to breathe,” Anthony tells him, “and then we can talk it over, okay?”

“Yes,” Seb sighs, fervent and already a little blissed out just from Mackie’s gentle grip on Seb’s neck. “Please.”

“Okay,” Anthony says. Sits down on the couch, tugs Seb closer so that he’s kneeling at Anthony’s feet just the way he was the first time. “So. You wrote a list.” He sounds amused, like he’s endeared by Seb’s idiot over-preparation, and Sebastian nods.

“Yeah, I did. Shit, I left it in my room though, I can-”

“You’re gonna stay right there,” Anthony says, fingers tightening, and Seb shivers. “You’re gonna sit still, and you’re going to tell me what you want tonight.”

“Okay. Okay. I, uh.” Sebastian chews his lip again, nervous, and Mackie taps his mouth with an open hand, just light enough that it’s not quite a slap.

“Stop that,” he orders, “you do it a hundred times a day, do you realize how distracting it is?”

“I,” Seb starts. Completely loses track of his thoughts, because Anthony smacking him, fuck, that’s on the list. That’s, like, number two on the list. “Oh fuck, do that again. Please?”

“You want me to slap your face?”

“I want you to keep me on my knees, and pull my hair, and slap me in the face,” Seb says, giving up on easing in with what he wants because he’s suddenly so desperate for it all. “I want you to take me apart and make me beg for it, fuck, I…”

“That’s good,” Anthony tells him. Strokes his hair like he’s doing well. “Yeah, baby, what else?”

“Tell me I’m… shit, okay, you were right, apparently you were just right about this whole thing,” Seb admits. Ducks his head, feeling himself blush, and Anthony grabs him by the chin, pulls his face up.

“You want me to tell you how good you’re being while I do it? Tell you how pretty you look on your knees?”

Yes,” Seb sighs. Mackie smirks just a little.

“Not to say I told you so, or anything, but you sure proved me right. God, look at you. You do look so pretty on your knees, sweetheart. So fucking pretty, you got no idea.” He gets his hand in Seb’s hair properly, makes a fist and yanks it tight, and Seb hears himself gasp, feels himself drift floaty and soft in a split second. “Safeword?”

“Cinnamon,” Sebastian says. Catches how Mackie laughs. “What? I hate cinnamon, you know that, I don’t get what’s so-”

“It’s fine,” Mackie says. “It’s great. I don’t know why I expected anything else, you huge dork.” He touches his palm to Seb’s cheek as he says it, rubs his thumb over Sebastian’s lower lip. “You’re gonna be sweet for me, right?”

Fuck, Seb is going to try his best. He nods. Sucks his lip into his mouth and smiles up at Mackie, and Anthony smacks him again a little harder, just enough to sting.

“I told you to stop doing that. Can’t you follow orders, Sebastian?”

“Sorry,” Seb says, “sorry, I- I can, I will. I promise.” He clasps his hands behind his back, looks up at Anthony. “Please?”

“Hmm,” Anthony murmurs. Pushes his thumb into Seb’s mouth, and Seb sucks at it, swirls his tongue around the pad of it. Lets his eyes flutter closed, fuck. It’s all he’s been able to think about for days, being on his knees with Mackie’s cock in his mouth, and this is almost as good. “Oh, it’s like that, huh?” Anthony says. Yanks his hair again, harder. “Showing me how good your mouth is, huh. Yeah, baby, I know. Just gotta look at you to know it.” He pulls his thumb out, drags it spit-slick along Seb’s jaw. Tugs Seb’s face up to the right angle, considers him thoughtfully for a minute or two. Touches his cheek again, tender, and then pulls his hand back, slaps Seb open-handed and hard. It’s loud in the quiet of the hotel room, and Sebastian gasps, can’t help it. Tilts his face into it, and Anthony slaps him again, traces his fingers along where Sebastian’s cheek must be flushed red.

“Please-” Seb chokes out, face stinging. He’s never- he just- he wants, throat thick with it, and Anthony tightens his fist in Seb’s hair until his eyes are pricking just a little with tears.

“Please what, baby?”

“Please,” Seb gasps, “please hit me again. Please.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Anthony tells him like he’s pleased. “So polite, Sebastian,” and then he does, smacks him one-two-three, a backhand across the mouth that catches Seb in a bright flash of pain. “What do you say when someone gives you what you want, baby?”

“Thank you,” Seb whispers. Feels himself going pliant in Anthony’s hands, dreamy and far-away, eyes drifting closed again. He’s been hard for what feels like hours, probably is hours at this point given he started getting that way as soon as he put together a list that included slapping and handcuffs. Anthony looks down at him like he knows it. Lets go of Seb’s hair, and Seb whimpers, tries not to follow after Anthony’s hand.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Anthony says. “Just switching hands. You got such pretty hair, Sebastian, god, it’s just made to pull like this. How you doing, honey?”

“Good,” Seb murmurs, “I’m so good, it’s so… Please hit me again.”

Anthony does, a stinging slap full against his cheek, and Seb moans. Chokes out a thank you.

“How’d you go this long without figuring it out, huh?” Anthony asks, teasing. Scratches his nails blunt down the side of Seb’s throat. “You like pain, baby? Oh, you do, look at how big your eyes are getting.” Seb’s breathing is picking up too, he can’t help it, Anthony’s hand is right there against his throat and all he’d have to do is tighten his grip. Seb swallows hard, and Mackie must feel it because he pauses. Tilts his head to the side.

“Oh, you want this?” he says. Presses his palm to Seb’s throat, wraps his fingers up under Seb’s jaw. Not quite restricting anything, but just the pressure of it has Seb moaning louder, struggling not to bite his lip the way Anthony’s told him not to. He curls his hands into fists behind his back instead, digs his nails into his palms. Anthony squeezes his thumb against Seb’s jugular, just hard enough to get his attention again. “Look at me, baby. Where’s breathplay sit on that list of yours?”

“It’s pretty up there,” Seb manages, and Anthony smiles.

“Oh, it is, huh? You know,” he says, conversational, “I watched The Covenant, Sebastian.”

“Oh, god,” Seb says. Flushes hot with embarrassment, tries to duck his head, but Anthony’s got him tight.

“Nuh uh. No getting out of this. Yeah, I watched it. You look so good being choked, baby, you know how hard I got seeing you like that?”

Oh,” Seb whispers, and Anthony presses just hard enough that Seb feels the very edge of oxygen deprivation. It’s. Fuck, fuck, he can hear the blood rushing in his ears, can feel himself beginning to struggle for breath, can feel it prickling at the edges of his vision. Anthony holds it for ten seconds. Twenty. Squeezes his fingers tighter and then lets go, and Seb sucks in a breath that’s maybe sobbing a little.

“How turned are you right now?” Anthony asks, voice even like he’s unaffected. “You look pretty wrecked, sweetheart. Need me to take you apart some more or is this enough for a first-timer?”

“Fuck you,” Seb grits out. “I can take it.”

“Manners,” Anthony says mildly. “I thought you were going to be good for me, Sebastian, not a little brat.” That has Seb blinking back tears, sudden and surprising, and Anthony touches the corner of his eye, wipes them away. “Aww, baby. You really trying to be good?”

“I want to be,” Seb says, shaky. “I promise, I do, I’d tell you if it was too- please, fuck, it’s just so-”

“Shh,” Anthony says. Pushes two fingers into Seb’s mouth. “How turned on are you? So hard it hurts, right? Want to touch yourself?”

Seb moans around Anthony’s fingers. He is, he is, he’s so hard his whole body just feels lit up with it, but the way Anthony has him right now, he’d stay here on his knees for another hour if that’s what Anthony wants from him.

“Go on,” Anthony tells him. “Touch yourself. Make it good. Don’t come.” Oh god that- Seb’s kind of half-sure just getting his hand on his dick is gonna make him come, actually, but he stops holding his hands behind his back, undoes his jeans with clumsy fingers. Pushes them down, palms his dick through his boxers, whimpers a little at how fucking goddamn amazing it feels. Then he’s sliding his hand into his underwear, skin on skin, and Anthony is watching him all hot interest, still idly fucking Seb’s mouth with his fingers.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Anthony says. “Just like that, baby.” He pulls Seb’s head back a little more, sharply painful. Pushes in a third finger like he’s testing how good Seb might be at giving head, and Seb has to squeeze his dick hard at the base just to stop from coming right there. “Oh, you’re close, huh? Don’t come, Sebastian, that’s an order.”

Fuck. Seb’s never been so turned on in his life, is the thing, and then Mackie pulls his fingers out of Seb’s mouth, slaps his cheek hard enough he gets stars at the edge of his vision.

“Oh fuck,” he says, “oh fuck, fuck, please, I’m gonna-”

“Stop, then,” Mackie says, “hands behind your back again.” Yanks him in, lets go of Seb’s hair so he can push down his own pants. “You okay with this?” he asks, gentle, his dom persona falling away for a minute, and Seb nods. Lets his mouth fall open like he’s begging for it. “Yeah, look at you, you want it so bad, huh. Come on, baby.” He’s got one hand on the back of Seb’s neck, pushing him down, and Seb wraps his lips around Anthony’s dick, swallows him down as far as he can and then pushes it just a little further until his eyes are stinging with tears. He can hear himself moaning, hear the obscenely slick noises his mouth is making, his jaw aches and Anthony has him by the hair and all that matters is being good, being used, hearing Anthony tell him how hot he is like this. It’s crazy, it’s incredible, Seb never wants anything else.

“Think you can come without being touched?” Anthony asks, breath hitching. “Oh, that’s good, baby, right fucking there. I want you to come when I do, sweetheart, you think you can do that for me?”

He’s so close. He’s so close his skin feels too tight, sweat running down his spine, and he swallows around Anthony’s dick, feels it pulse in his mouth. And then Anthony’s hand tightens and tightens in his hair until all Seb can feel is brightly hot pain. He chokes a little. Swallows, and Anthony is coming down his throat, and that’s it, that’s fucking it, Seb feels himself come so hard his brain honest to god shuts down for like, a minute, or an hour, he’s not really sure.

“Holy fuck,” he manages when he’s actually coherent enough to manage words again, “that- fuck, that was. I. Wow.” His voice is rough, fucked-out, and Anthony touches the corner of his mouth, tilts his head.

“You doing okay?”

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, dopy and boneless. “Wow. Thank you. I’ve never- oh my god.” He feels giddy, giggly, awash on a sea of endorphins, and Mackie smiles at him. Reaches out to stroke Seb’s hair back from his forehead.

“You did so good, baby,” he tells him. “You want some water? That tea I never made you?”

“Mostly,” Seb admits, resting his head on Anthony’s knee, “I wanna go to bed and cuddle with you for like an hour. Is that- are we…” Is that within the parameters of whatever this is, is what he means, but Anthony just smiles wider, very soft.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “yeah, I’d like that.” He bends over. Kisses Seb on the forehead, and then, gently, on the mouth. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and I’ll take you to bed. You still gotta drink some water, though. And eat something.”

“Candy?” Seb asks, thoughts fuzzy, and Mackie touches his cheek.

“You can’t just have candy every time I dom you,” he says, but it’s indulgent, like maybe Seb can absolutely have candy every time Mackie doms him.

It. It’s a good development. Seb’s really glad Mackie had him pegged so easily, if he’s being honest here. And he’s pretty sure of one thing: they are gonna take that list and work through every goddamn thing on it, one by one, because apparently Seb’s been missing out. He’s just. He’s got a lot to catch up on.