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Loser of the Year

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Blaine, we need to talk. Meet me at the Lima Bean at 5. – xoxo Kurt

Usually getting messages like that from Kurt wouldn't worry Blaine in the slightest. Kurt and him had that sort of once in a life time love that, even though they had just graduated from high school a week ago, they knew they'd be together forever. But Kurt had been slightly distant the last few days and Blaine was worried something was wrong so he didn't even think of saying "no". Besides, he'd never decline spending extra time with Kurt.

Ok. I love you. – xoxo Blaine

Blaine let out a sigh of relief when his phone dinged with a new message from Kurt reading:

I love you, too. – xoxo Kurt

Whatever it was Kurt wanted to talk about, it couldn't be that bad.

It was already 4:30 so Blaine figured he'd get ready and head out now., throwing on a pair of dark wash jeans and a light blue polo he knew Kurt would approve of. He forewent get knowing Kurt liked his hair better curly. He left his dorm – Dalton let the seniors stay until they left for college – and hopped into his car, turning up the radio on a classic rock station. After all the time he'd spent at the Hudmels', Finn had taken it upon himself to "educate" Blaine's taste in music.

He arrived in the Lima Bean parking lot at 4:55 but instead of waiting in the car 'til his clock said 5:00 since he knew that Kurt was always at least 5 minutes late to everything as what he called "fashionably late", he decided to go in and have their coffee ready by the time his boyfriend got there. So imagine his surprise when he walked through the door to what the couple had deemed "their coffee shop" to see Kurt already sitting at their table with two coffees placed in front of him.

Blaine's heart sped up at the sight of his boyfriend like always and he started to make his way over. Since the day was warm, Kurt had opted for their second option orders; Blaine with a grande iced latte no whip and Kurt a grande non-fat iced mocha extra whip. He didn't look up at Blaine until he was sliding into the seat across from him. Kurt's head snapped up and his eyes looked startled as they met Blaine's, proving how deep in though he was as he stirred his untouched mocha. That didn't stop his smile though as he said, "Hey, babe."

Blaine's answering smile was beautiful and made Kurt catch his breath as he replied, "Hello, love."

Almost all Kurt's whip was gone so Blaine figured he had been sitting there for awhile, which, if he was being honest, worried him more that he cared to admit Kurt wasn't one to keep things inside; especially from Blaine. He was more the type that if something was bothering him, he'd let someone know in no uncertain terms how he felt and what he thought could be don't about it. That was just one of the many things that Blaine' loved about him, which was why Blaine grew even more worried when Kurt went back to staring at his mocha, stirring the ice in circles with his straw.

Blaine quietly sipped his (by now slightly watery) latte and kept his eyes locked on his boyfriend. Even with his eyebrows furrowed and a touch of a frown on his lips, he was still the most beautiful person Blaine had ever seen.

"You're going to give yourself frown lines, love," Blaine said lightly, and Kurt immediately relaxed his facial features and raised his gaze to meet Blaine's. Blaine couldn't stand the troubled look on Kurt's face so he gently laid his hand over Kurt's and asked softly, "What's wrong, Kurt? I hate seeing you like this."

Kurt was silent for a moment, obviously hesitating, which killed Blaine because he knew that they told each other everything, but he didn't let himself get too down when Kurt didn't remove his hand but instead flipped it over and interlaced their fingers.

When Kurt did finally respond it wasn't with what Blaine was expecting and he couldn't decide if he was relieved of more worried. "Can we go for a walk? It's such a beautiful day."

Arguing never even crossed his mind as Blaine immediately nodded with a smile, squeezing Kurt's hand before getting up to throw out their barely touched coffees.

Kurt was already holding the door open by the time Blaine reached him and they left the shop side by side. They didn't dare hold hands since they were in Ohio after all, but they walked close enough together that their hands and shoulders brushed with every step.

Kurt didn't glance at Blaine once during the walk to the park (which they had both realized was their unspoken destination) and Blaine's stomach was in knots by the time they reached their usual bench in an isolated corner away from the judgmental eyes of the public. When they reached their bench, Kurt sat beside Blaine, angling this body so that their knees were touching. He grabbed Blaine's hand in both of his, bringing them to his lap. His grip was gentle but unrelenting, assuming that Blaine even wanted him to let go (which, of course, he didn't).

Kurt was silent for a moment, staring down at their joined hands while Blaine's eyes never left his boyfriends face. He was seriously worried now but knew that Kurt would tell him his news in his own time.

Blaine wished that for once he'd be wrong when Kurt's eyes met his and he said in the smallest voice he'd ever heard, "We need to break up."

Blaine felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. That had not been what he'd expected at all. "W-what?" He went to grab his hand back but Kurt held on tight.

"Please, Blaine, let me explain," he begged, and all Blaine could do was nod numbly. "I love you so much, baby, and you're going to be a superstar. Your demo's already been approved by that record company and you're set to start recording your first album in Atlanta in September and we both know you're gonna be the next big thing. Even that head guy at the studio told you that. I'm going to New York and even if your record flopped (though we both know it won't) I still won't see you for months. You'll be in a new city with new people and then your record will sell and you'll be traveling all over the country. I don't want to hold you back.

Blaine couldn't sit silently anymore. What Kurt was saying wasn't even making sense. How could Kurt ever think he'd hold Blaine back?

"Kurt, I love you more than anything. How could you think you'd ever hold me back?"

"I don't want you flying across the country thinking of me. I don't want to be a distraction when I know how big you can make it." Kurt smiled sadly. "I love you too much to be able to ever live with myself if I knew I was the reason people weren't out their screaming your name." Blaine opened his mouth to interrupt, looking close to tears, but Kurt held up a hand to stop him. "I'm not saying this has to be forever. When you make it big and you… still… want me," the words looked like they physically pained him to say, " I'll be in New York, waiting. And if you realize you can do better, well, I'll respect your decision and fully expect an invite to your wedding." Kurt couldn't hold it in any longer as he looked back down at their hands and tears started falling in earnest. "Please, Blaine. I love you," his voice cracked, "and I only ever want you to get all you deserve."

Blaine couldn't help himself as he launched himself at his boyfriend (he refused to ever think of Kurt as an ex). He grabbed Kurt's face between his hands and smashed their lips together. It was wet and filled with agony and love. So much fucking love.

"I love you," Blaine threw out between kisses. " I love you. I love you. I'll never find anyone better. You're my everything. Please. Please. I love you."

Kurt let out a choked sob, curling his fingers in Blaine's unruly hair. "I love you, too. So much. So much."

When they finally finished kissing they just held each other as they cried. They knew this wasn't the end, not really, but that didn't stop them from feeling like their heart was breaking.

By the time they pulled away, the sun had set and the sky was turning a deep royal blue. As an unspoken agreement, they both stood and clasped hands as they left the park. It was a Tuesday night so the neighborhood was pretty much deserted, but they both knew that even if it had been crowded they wouldn't have cared, because right now their sole focuses were each other.

When they got back to the Lima Bean parking lot, their's were the only two cars left. They'd been at the park longer than they'd realized.

First, Blaine walked Kurt to his Navigator and they made no move to release each other's hands. Blue eyes met hazel and neither moved for what couldn't been hours but in reality was only a few minutes. Either way, it wasn't long enough.

Blaine swallowed and asked hoarsely, "Can I still call you?"

Kurt smiled sadly. "You know that if you do it'd be just like we were still together. I don't want that for you, Blaine." But Kurt grabbed Blaine by the shoulders and looked straight into his eyes. "But please never forget how much I love you. And in a year or two, when you're famous and girls and boys everywhere are screaming your name, and you still want me, I'll be here. Make sure your website's always up to date and I'll make sure to watch every one of your interviews and performances on TV. And know that I am always thinking about you. I love you." Tears were running down both their faces as they kissed one last time, slow and sweet, before Kurt got into his car, started the engine and drove away. HE was only about to get about a block in the right direction before his body was so wracked by sobs he had to pull over. He opened in phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Dad, can you pick me up?"

Blaine slowly made his way to his own car and only had enough time to close the door before the tears took over. When they subsided enough to enable him to drive back to Dalton, he slowly put he car in drive. When he reached Dalton and was able to stumble his way back to his room, he made a silent promise to himself. He'd make it big for Kurt, and then he'd come back for him and they'd get married. There was nothing more to it.


The mansion was shaking from the force of the music as Blaine started to make his way from room to room. He wasn't even really sure whose house he was in, all he knew was that this was supposedly one of Hollywood's biggest parties of the year and his manager wanted him to go.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around. It was a very pretty blonde girl who he thought he might have seen somewhere before. "Hi, I'm Jessica. Do you wanna get out of here?" Her wink and hair toss was probably supposed to be sexy, but Blaine wasn't feeling it.

"Sorry, I'm gay."

Her face fell and she sighed. "Of course you are," she muttered, but then her face brightened. "Do you want to meet my friend, then? His names Jonathan and he's been looking for someone to leave with the whole night."

Blaine gave a little start. This was a chance to meet someone else. To hook up with another guy and see his options just like Kurt had told him to. But there were no other options for Blaine. Kurt was his one and only. "I'm taken, sorry."

Jessica's face fell again. "Oh, alright then. But maybe you'd like do hang out or something sometime. I don't think I've seen you around and you don't look like your with anybody so maybe we can be friends?"

Blaine couldn't stop his smile. Everyone from Lima besides a few of the Warblers had stopped calling and texting him. He was thankful for not having those reminders of Kurt anymore but he was still lonely. He'd like to have a friend.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Blaine left the house with a new number in his phone and plans to hang out at the mall that weekend.


It was one year, ten months, two weeks, and four days since Blaine and Kurt had decided to take a break (because even after all this time, Blaine still refused to think of it as a breakup). True to his word, he hadn't called Kurt once and had his manager update his website religiously, but though he had promised no contact, he couldn't help but track Kurt online. Kurt had obviously told his family and friends what had happened and not to contact him since a clean break was easier, and Blaine was grateful, but Google was a wonderful thing and Blaine couldn't help himself.

Apparently, at one of his many performances for the New York Conservatory of Music, the director for a Broadway production of Pinocchio coming to theaters next month had spotted him and thought he was perfect for the lead. The show wasn't expected to last long, but it was the exposure that Kurt needed. Of course, Blaine already had tickets for opening night.

But Blaine was nervous and excited for reasons that no one but him and Laura Lakes from The Laura Lakes Show knew about. Tonight was a very special night. Tonight, besides the fact that he was being interviewed by who he knew was Kurt's favorite talk show host, but tonight was the night he got Kurt back. If he still wanted him that was…

No! He refused to let himself think that. Kurt had to want him back. He just had to. Because even though none of Kurt's friends of family had called him in hopes of a clean break, Blaine thought of Kurt every single day and his beautiful blue eyed angel starred in his dreams every night.

The click of expensive high heels on tile floors broke the rising star out of his reverie. He turned on his heel to see Laura Lakes herself making her way towards him with a big smile that was obviously practiced for the cameras but no less genuine.

"Ready to wow this crowd?" she asked happily once she reached him.

"I guess, though there's really only one person I want to wow."

She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm sure it'll all work out. Just remember, we're on in five." And with another smile, she flounced off. Blaine took a deep breath. What he really wanted was to splash some cold water on his face but he didn't want to know what Alice, the makeup artist, would do to him.

He spent the next few minutes working on controlling his breathing and trying to still his shaking hands. Before he knew it, Nick, the stage manager, came up beside him and steered him to his entrance on stage right while Laura was being greeted with the cheers from her live audience.

"And we have a very special guest here tonight. Please welcome Blaine Anderson!"

Blaine took his cue and made his way out onto the stage amidst the screaming fans. There were teenage girls, a fair amount of moms, and plenty of teenage boys, most of whom were probably gay. Blaine had made sure his sexuality was widely known, though he refused to comment when asked his relationship status.

He smiled widely and waved at the live studio audience. He winked at a squealing mom and daughter pair near the front and the daughter actually started crying. Facing forward again, he walked towards Laura who had stood up to meet him, giving him a hug before they both sat down in red plush chairs facing each other.

"Well, Blaine." The audience's cheers renewed and Blaine and Laura both laughed, Blaine waving some more. He loved his fans almost as much as he loved Kurt… No! He couldn't let himself think that. If everything worked out like it was supposed to, he'd have Kurt back in no time.

When the cheering died down a second time, Laura tried again.

'Well, Blaine, how've you been?"

He gave another little laugh and a small nod. "Good, good."

"So you just put out your first album called 'Sing and Fly' and tickets for you upcoming tour are rumored to be going on sale next month." Blaine just nodded since of course none of this was news to him. "People are saying that you're gonna be the next big thing. How does that make you feel?"

He took a deep breath. "Well, it's pretty amazing. I have issues believing it's all real sometimes. Like when I was listening to the radio the other day and Bruno Mars was getting interviewed and they asked what his favorite song is right now and he's just like, "Oh, 'Welcome to My Life' by this new guy, Blaine Anderson. I heard one of his songs on Youtube and went out and bought his album. That dude's amazing.' And I just sat there and had to turn off the radio 'cause all I could think was 'Bruno Mars likes me!' over and over like some little girl."

"Wow," Laura laughed. "That's awesome. And I think we all agree with Bruno when he says Blaine's amazing, right?" She turned to the audience and they gave her another roar of approval. "And is it true that you recently bought a house out here in LA?"

"Yeah. It's a small little two-bedroom house but it suits me. I don't really need much. And I still get congratulation cards from fans for the move."

"That's so sweet."

"Yeah, I really appreciate it." he sent another blinding smile towards the crowd and a group of girls towards the back all screamed at once. "We love you, Blaine!"

Laura and he laughed as he called back, "I love you guys, too!"

"Okay," Laura started again. "Let's get a little serious." The audience immediately quieted and the smile slipped from Blaine's face, replaced by a stomach full of butterflies. It was time. "Blaine has something he wants to say to a very special someone so I'm going to turn it over to him."

And now all eyes were on him. This was being broadcast live and he could almost picture the look on Kurt's face as he watched this.

"Well, uh, yeah," Blaine started nervously. "Let me just start my saying I know how private I am when it come to my… love life. Well, that's because I'm not really sure where I stand exactly."

"Blaine," Laura interrupted, "why don't you start from the beginning?"

"Right. Well, when I was in my junior year of high school, I met this boy. Don't ask me his name 'cause I'm not going to say, but just know that this boy was everything to me and I was lucky enough to be everything to him, too. We had that kind of once in a lifetime love and we'd talk about our future. We were gonna bet together for ever." He had to pause for a moment and blink back tears. "Well, a few weeks after we graduated high school, he sat me down and told me that he knew I was going to be big one day and he didn't want to hold me back. It was the hardest thing either of us had ever done but he loved me enough not to tie me down. And he said that if I still wanted him once I made my name he'd be waiting for me." Tears started falling in earnest and his voice broke towards the end. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I know I'm not quite famous yet, but I can't wait anymore. So baby, if you still want me, I want you. I can't live like this anymore."

Blaine cleared his throat and wiped the tears away. He lent down to pick up his guitar that had been placed next to his chair. He positioned it over his lap before giving it an experimental strum.

"So, I wrote a song for him; and I hope he still wants me."

And with that, he started to sing.

"There's a lot of talk about me

People lining up to meet me

I'm on the verge of celebrity

So what you think about that?

"Please, Kurt. Please. I need you," Blaine thought

"I've got friends in high places

Louis Vuitton suitcases

Looking at all the pretty faces

So what you think about that?

"You're the only one for me. "

"So why do I feel like it's

all just a show?

"You make me wanna shut it all down

Throw it all away

'Cause I'm nothing if I don't have you.

What's the point of being on top

All the money in the world

If I can't blow it all on you?

So, send the cars back

Put the house on the market

And my big dreams, too

'Cause it's all so clear

That without you here

I'm the loser of the year.

"I'll do anything to get you back, love. Anything."

"I'm at a party in a mansion

There's a lot of high fashion

And I'm cooler than I've ever been

So what you think about that?

Jessica and he had become good friends, and she was actually in the audience at that moment. She knew all about Kurt, obviously, and if he bothered to look, Blaine would have seen her with tears in her eyes.

"I'm living life in a fast lane

I've got a fridge full of champagne

And I'm hanging out with Lil' Wayne

So what you think about that?

"So why do I feel like it's

all just a show?

Blaine was fighting back tears by this point. He just…he wanted his Kurt back. He wanted Kurt and an apartment in the city and to get married and have kids and be happy. Why was that too much to ask?

"You make me wanna shut it all down

Throw it all away

'Cause I'm nothing if I don't have you

What's the point of being on top

All the money in the world

If I can't blow it all on you?

So send the cars back

Put the house on the market

And my big dreams, too.

'Cause it's all so clear

That without you here

I'm the loser of the year.

I'm the loser of the year.

"I can try real hard

I can try to pretend

That all these dreams make any sense

Without you

But that just ain't true.

I thought these things would

make me forget

About you and me

But you're stuck in my head.

I'm a loser

If I lose ya.

Blaine lost the battle against his tears and a few fell down his face. What if this didn't work? What was he going to do? He couldn't live without Kurt.

"You make me wanna shut it all down

Throw it all away

'Cause I'm nothing if I don't have you.

What's the point of being on top

All the money in the world

If I can't blow it all on you.

"You make me wanna shut it all down

Throw it all away

If I don't have you

So send the cars back

Put the house on the market

And my big dreams, too

'Cause it's all so clear

That I need you near

Yeah, it's all so clear

That without you here

I'm the loser of the year


"Loser of the year

I'm the loser of the year

Loser of the year"

When he finished, the studio was silent as he wiped a stray tear, but after a few seconds, he was met by thunderous applause.

He gave a startle laugh. "Thanks," he said with a small smile.

"Wow," Laura commented, letting out a laugh. "Can you write a song for me next?" They both chuckled along with the audience for a few seconds before Laura's face adopted a more serious expression. "So, mystery boy, what do you say?"

But before anyone had the chance to say any more, the studio was filled with Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream". Some audience members looked around in confusion but pretty quickly all eyes were on Blaine. He had gone a pale white and his hands were shaking uncontrollably as he hurriedly. tried to fish his phone from his pocket. When it was released he held it, staring unable to move.

"Answer it, Blaine," someone from the audience called.

"Yeah, Blaine, answer it," Laura encouraged.

This seemed to snap Blaine out of his trance and he quickly answered it. "H-hello."

Crying could be heard down the line as Blaine's mic was close to the phone.


Blaine took a shaky breath. "Kurt."

"I love you."

Blaine's answering smile was brilliant. "I love you, too."

The audience waited with baited breath for the next words.

"Well," Kurt said. "You always were one for dramatics. I see you still haven't outgrown serenading people in public. I'm just glad there was no jumping on furniture this time." You could hear the smile in his voice and Blaine let out a shaky laugh.

"Only for you, babe."

There was another pause and you could hear a pin drop in the studio.

"Will you meet me?"

"Pick the time and place."

"4 o'clock at our coffee shop tomorrow."

"I'll be there."

"I love you. I never stopped."

"Me, too, love. Me, too. I love you so much."

Kurt gave a whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow," obviously reluctant to let Blaine go, before hanging up.

The soft click of the phone reverberated through the studio and Blaine turned back towards Laura, his eyes wide, face flushed, and with the biggest smile anyone's ever seen.

"Did that really just happen?"

Laura let out a delighted laugh and the audience followed her lead, cheering like never before. The interview ended not long after that and the rest of his evening passed in a blur. He couldn't remember signing autographs or getting back to his house or anything really before he was in bed, falling asleep with a smile on his face to dreams of his blue eyed angel.