Tired, so very tired of it all.
He wanted love, and so god help him, he will fuck'in get it... But by doing so you'll be hurt. He didn't want that.
He wanted you to feel loved, appreciated, comfort in his presence. He wanted to prove to you that he was a good mate. A very good mate, yet you ignore him, scream, claw, bite... You always got injured in the end. He never like to see his mate have blossoms of bruises and bloody cuts. They were beautiful in his eyes, and seeing them be beaten down little by little torn him inside. He wanted smiles, he wanted joy, he wanted laughter from you.
Acceptance from you.
"Sweetheart, I'm back" he went as he entered the shed with a tray of food, water, and a blanket tucked under his arm. "I made dinner for you" he went as a smile bore on his face, his soul beating with pure joy and aching love he wish to share with you. You stared up face stained with old tear trails, dirt, and dried blood, their eyes so hollow and empty. He hated that look.
"S-Since you've been good, I thought maybe we could share this" he went lifting the chocolate bar from the tray. He approached them before seating himself by their side, they flinched as he drew in closer to them. Setting the tray before both of them. He could feel his smile falter a bit; they shivered and curled up as if to make themselves smaller. "Oh sweetheart, no need to be like that, tibia honest, your breaking my heart sweetie, I haven't done anything to ya" he try to joke. Laughter was always the best medicine... But it never works out with them.
They never laughed at his jokes, ever since meeting them, they wouldn't. Of course they try to be nice about it before and force a laugh. But now... Nothing, but pure terror and absolute exhaustion. They were too sweet for this, what was he thinking? Keeping them caged like this, this sweet beautiful human...
No, he was defending them, keeping them safe from both Undyne and Asgore. This was for their own good...
Sans had remembered it from the beginning... Being the only one to remember resets, to make same old promises that he sometimes would break, playing along a pacifist Frisk or a Genocide Chara. However this time it was different.
A new human has fallen.
The soul of Kindness.
It glowed brightly under their form, shimmered as if it was a sparkling gem so rare. Determination was always the one to be passing those doors, yet this one manage to live. Even though weak, fragil, and scared they pushed through, surviving attacks, being kind and generous, always spoke their mind and gave advice. Kindness was their trait, but those shimmering lights always indicate that it sparkled all seven traits.
They were something new. Something rare. something beautiful.
He then went against his usual old, tiring routine. And... begun to care... begun to try and push forward. He wanted to win their heart. He soon got to know them, knowing their dislikes and likes, what they are afraid and what they would do.
As he trying learning about them. He had noticed how on edge they were with him, he had bluntly asked jokingly that he was scary to them...
"You may seem lazy, and chilled back, but under it all I can see something deeper, darker, and not welcoming... Sorry if this sounds rude, but I actually don't like being around you, Sans, I'm sorry."
It... tore him inside... the one person who he wish to work with. Didn't like him... They were uncomfortable and scared of him. He felt lost for a while sometimes when alone he would often sob at the thought of them not liking him.
He always asked what he did wrong to make them feel that way. Those moments often terrified them. Then the day came when they will push forward. He... begun to be afraid, he then manage to get them alone, trying so hard to convince them to stay in Snowdin. But the more he pushed the more they try to run away, until one night he had gotten drunk and teleported his way to them.... That night was both a blessing and a curse.
The next morning he was newly-mated to them. His soul hummed with joy, even called out to their other half. Yet when he did he then realize the damaged he had done. The soul... was so broken down... fragile, tearing, and ready to shatter. Their were shivering beside him, claw marks on their lovely skin, Eyes wide with terror and tiredness, bruised lips and so many lovemarks.
He raped them.
He fuckin raped them physically and soulfully! He felt sick of himself, but he then felt that wave of joy when he realized he has a mate. His instincts then screamed to him to tend to his mate. Shower them with affection, fill their soul with pure love and happiness. But when he tried, they screeched and begged, fighting against his hold. If it wasn't for the 1hp he would have try to cling on tighter. Holding them was out of the picture so he showered them another way of love.
He rebuild the shed, made it more homey and comfortable. Always cooked and started cleaning which pleased his brother, but not his mate. Their voice had been raw now... they hardly speak or scream anymore, he misses their sweet voice. Soft, timid, and gentle, he only heard them speak rarely before any of this happened he cherished those moments.
"Come on sweetie, you need to eat," he went as he try to feed them. Again they refused.
"Sweetie please, I don't want you to die from starvation, now please eat" he could feel the sudden tears begining to form. He could even feel his hand shake as he plead to them again to eat.
Again no such luck.
They were dying. Slowly and painfully dying. Looking so ill, pale, and just so lost, their hp down to 0.1 so weak and fragile. They're gonna die and he knows it. His soul tries to call out sometimes in hopes they would respond back. All it did was send the shivering, weak soul to shrink behind their chest. "Um... Okay, okay, would you like to have Papy here?" Then all of a sudden...
Their eyes gleamed a spark of joy. Of course. His bro always was the best of everything, even brings the human to their old selves. He must admit he was jealous that they gain his mates' attention, but he could never hate his brother.
Papyrus was sweet and kind, and was understanding with them. Sure his brother question about the human and him, but he was happy to make them smile and laugh again. Sans usually sat behind it all as the two interact with one another. He had try to be there at those moments yet they becomes stiff and distance. Papyrus was always confused when that happened. So to prevent questions he stayed out of it.
As was always happy when they interact, but his instincts and soul always beg to differ.
'That suppose to be your job!'
'They're suppose to smile at you!'
'Keep them safe!'
'They belong to you!'
'Make sure they don't hurt him!'
A constant battle inside his mind where he sheds more tears. He loved his brother, but he loved his mate too. Was Papyrus a threat? No! He was his brother! Sans trusted his brother. He knew Papyrus would never betray him like that, plus he saw the human as a sibling too. He called them "human sibling" so why should he worry?
"Hello human sibling, are you fairing well?"
"No? Brother have you been feeding your mate!?" He went scolding. Of course he does... Well tries to, but they won't eat the food he makes. "Well no matter, big brother Papyrus shall make you my finest spaghetti!" He gleefully proclaimed. His mate eyes shined at him. They adore him. He's happy they look more alive, but... why won't they look at him like that? They love his brother period. They won't deny it, they favor Papyrus over him. Even before he loved them, they always call for him. Search for him. Ask for him.
'Its not fair! I am their mate! They should be doing that to me! Asking only for me! Loving only me! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?' He clenched his fist.
"Sans?" He paused to see Papyrus looking at him with sadness. His brother knows he's hurting, but he won't tell him why. "Sorry, just got stressed on where to sleep" he joked as he placed a lazy grin on his face. Yet he knew Papyrus can see through his lies. Matter of fact Sans, thinks his brother knows. "Sans, if you don't want spaghetti I can make something else" he went. His mate taken notice on this and... glared... at him! Are they mad? Why? What did he do? He's suppose to be a good mate! To show he is a good mate, so why is his mate mad at him?
"Naw don't worry, not all to hungry bro, just focus on my mate, they won't eat anything I make that's for sure" he said cheerfully. However inside he felt like dying. Papyrus looked just as sad as he felt, but said nothing, just nod and took his mate to the kitchen.
Sans sat alone on the couch hands firmly folded and rub his thumb against the side of his palm... the tv was on, but it wasn't enough to distract the pain his chest felt. Lately his soul ached and seem to be breaking, the bond he had with his mate was slowly tearing. He didn't want that. His mate should be loving him by now. He has done everything to the best of his ability. Nothing made them smile, or laugh. His soul ached for some contact yet they refuse to hug him, kiss him, or even hold his hand. He had tried holding their hand once, but they end up trying to chew their wrist off.
"Sans, will you be able to read to me tonight?" Asked Papyrus as he wiped his hands clean of the water. "Sorry, I gotta make sure they don't roll off their bed again tonight, next time though."
"You always say that. You don't do it anymore" he whispered.
Papyrus has been more... affectionate lately. Sure some see it because he might be jealous of someone taking his brother away. But Surprisingly Papyrus shows no signs of them. If anything Papyrus looks conflicted at the idea of hating his mate. "Hey now, I'm sure once they relax around me. I won't worry about them as much, and then I will read you, your favorite story," he said as hope flared up in his soul. He won't lie. He misses bonding with his brother.
Papyrus smiled at him, but Sans can see that its forced. He's trying so hard to be positive.... Trying so hard.
Papyrus sat on his bed staring down at the worned out book. Sans had left a while ago to tuck in his human mate, so he will be alone... like he has been the past month. Ever since the human came, Sans started taking effort and trying, it was good at first. But after realizing he did it for his mate was a bit... sad.
Papyrus was always around to make him smile, get up, taken care of, heck he was willing to carry Sans while he slept. Yet the human managed to make him happy without effort. And they fear Sans than love him. But they seem to like him mostly. He saw how they look at him, staring up at him with adoring eyes, a smile, and such. They eat the food he makes, play with puzzles with him, and just listens to him without a falter in their eyes. He won't lie, he come to love them as well, but it felt wrong to love them. He only had Sans, and his brother sacrificed so much for him. He wanted to return that, he wanted to give his brother everything, yet...
He gave a heavy sigh, rolling his shoulders a bit before placing the book down. He curled in the blankets and turned off his lamp. The darkness greeted him, the only companion he has.
Morning came early than expected, but he did his usual routine, get up, brush his teeth, get dress in his battle body, and make breakfast before training...
Sans cooked again.
So much for that idea... again.
Sans as usual was gone for work. He wasn't much of a lazybones after realizing he's been working multiple jobs for the past year. How could he have not known?
Eggs, hash browns, and some toast. The food was still warm, so he didn't leave too long ago. Still though, he's beginning to miss cooking for him and his brother. Of course he improved alot, due to cooking for the human, but he wished his brother would join them.
He stared a bit before seating himself down and ate, cleaned the dish when done and left. Walking through Snowdin seem slow, and the day was beginning to lag for him. Yet everyone seem cheery and happy as usual, Papyrus would too... if the thought of his brother and the human haven't invaded his mind. 'Is there anyway to make Sans happy? Or the human to love my brother?' He thought.
The thought of his brother and the human made his nonexisting stomach churn and ache. Its been painful seeing all this and extremely sad...
Sans got home after work looking exhausted, but his smile was still resting on his features as usual, eyes brighten with hope and love. He approached they're side of the room seeing them laying down with dried tears and new wounds on their face. His smile dimmed. "Have you... been clawing yourself again sweetie?" He asked as he sat on their bed, brushing their hair out of their face. A wheeze of air escapes their lips and the sudden tremble of their lips begun to form. He then laid his head near their neck feeling his own tears begin to form and fall.
"I-I did everything... I tried... I tried so hard and nothing," he swallowed the lump in his nonexisting throat. "What can I do?" He asked as he got up as he brushed the tears away from their own eyes, "what can I do to make you happy?" he wasn't excepting a response, he never will earned their voice. He won't earn their love and acceptance. This was a bad idea from the start. If he had just tried to be patient, he could have won them over the correct way. But he was afraid of losing them. After so many resets something new came along, something that brought hope into his injured soul. He didn't worry about waking up and a reset happened. The thought of losing them was greater though.... they couldn't reset.
"I love you, sweetheart..." he whispered as he begun gently kissing them softly and brush the new flowing tears. They begun to whimper and shake, this action caused him to deepen his frown. "Please... Please, just stop crying sweetie, not once have I ever hurt you, You're my mate, you're the reason why I begin to have hope in the first place. You mean so much to me, please... have I not proven to be a good mate" the tears continuously stream from his eyesockets as he shifted around to embrace them, laying on the side as he tucked their head under his chin, gently clawing the tips of his phalanges through their hair. "Please sweetie, just try" his voice quivered as he had them gaze up. Their eyes full and wide with absolute terror and confusion. "Try and give me the chance... I love you" he gave his skele-kiss on their lips they shivered and whimper even more.