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How to Tame Your (Rage Quit) Dragon

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Xe was flashy.

Too flashy.

Xe would not live long on xyr own. Loud and clueless, xe--like all the rest of xem--thought they ruled the world. But xey forgot about the high-world and the cold-world and the soft-world and the under-world--the places where xey could not live--these were part of the world too.

If 'e was prone to breathe hot air, 'e would. 'Er scales felt itchy and 'e hungered for something that would not feed 'er first-stomach. Rage. Xey, the flesh-walkers, called it rage Quxårl thought.

Xe made that noise again. Quxårl had never heard of such a sound. Perhaps it had a talent of cry. Quxårl had a talent too. Not many of xem did after the Great Death, much less both in mate-pairs with a flesh-walker. Quxårl did not much care; 'es talent made that insignificant.

Mhysa-Quxårl cried for Quxårl, gliding in the high-world. Zir dark-self walking over 'em as 'e scanned where xe was from in the leaf-nymph-home. 'E is not fledgling, but Quxårl obeyed. Quxårl would always find xe now. Xe belonged to Quxårl even if the flesh-walker knew not their bond.

Quxårl would have xe one light-turn.

Chapter Text

Gavin jumped at the chance to work for Rooster Teeth (but mostly Achievement Hunter) and had bought his ticket sooner than you could say "We'd like to offer you a position-." Well, metaphorically speaking (work visas were a lot of trouble to get all squared away), but the point was that he loved Rooster Teeth and couldn't wait to work for them in the land of dragons. Or so everyone said.

For the longest time, it had seemed that historical crusades laid waste to the great beasts until they were nothing more than a footnote in textbooks. But over the past hundred years, more and more dragons seemed to be popping up, with the speculation that humans had finally run them out of their hiding spots. There were several species based primarily on geographical locations, but the United States seemed to have the largest population found in one area. Sometimes, you could find them in your own backyard.

But, alas, so far Gavin was rather disappointed by the lack of sightings. America seemed to be about as dragon-free as his home in England--dragons of all types did not like rain and fog, apparently. He had hoped that the sun and heat of Texas would draw at least one out close enough for him to actually get picture, or rather, film proof. Dan would die if he caught a dragon in flight and put it in slow-mo. But, apparently, so would he is he got that close to one and he couldn't endanger the Ramseys like that. He wouldn't let them see whatever would be left of his body like that because no matter how cute they looked, dragons were still very much wild beasts. Domestication had failed every single time with disastrous results. Oddly enough, all attempts to tame them aside, they caused relatively little problems to humans as long as you left family pets indoors when unsupervised.

Despite the unfairly uncommon appearance of dragons, Gavin liked it here. He was glad he listened to the pull that was the decisive force in his accepting the job offer. Something amazing was going to come out of this--he just had hoped it would have been being the first person from back home to see a live dragon up close.

***

Gavin stumbled around the Ramsey residence, back from a night out getting to know his new co-workers, his drunk legs thinking they were on the sea or something while trying to drink a glass of water before bed. It was bloody annoying and didn't legs know they were legs?

There was a scratching at the door, and he swore he heard a meow. The Ramseys didn't have a cat...did they? Maybe they got one while he was out. Geoff did say he had other plans tonight. But, if that was the case, wouldn't he have told Gavin first?

Ah, bloody hell, he was too drunk for this.

"Here ki'y, kitty. Let's go to bed," he said, lazily opening the door without looking and immediately trudging back to his room where he collapsed on the bed, feet dangling off the edge with his socks still on.

Chapter Text

Geoff was such a lovely boy and made sure he wasn't passed out for the whole day recovering from the past night. And by that, Gavin meant his texting did.

Hey, asshole, don't sleep in all day.

The real Ramseys are going to be out for most of today. Don't destroy anything.

If you do, clean it up before my wife sees or she'll kick both our asses.

He tried stretching a little to help wake up the rest of his groggy self, noting that he must have turned over in his sleep at some point and that there was a weight near his feet preventing him from stretching as fully as he liked. Oh yeah, the cat from last night.

When did we get a cat? he sent off as his "alright, I'm up and mostly alive please stop spamming me" text response to Geoff. He kicked lightly at the dark lump, prodding it to get it to move without manhandling it. After all, Joe the cat may have been the exception, not the rule. It got up and began stumbling about the bed as if it was the one that had gotten drunk just as Geoff texted him back.

What cat? We didn't get a cat...what the fuck have you done Gavin?!

A heavy pit started turning over deep in his gut, and he looked over to meet, face to face, not a fuzzy little kitty but a tiny young dragon. And it wasn't a morning person at all.

The dragon huffed at him but didn't make any other aggressive behavior and he swallowed. "Er, hullo? Please don't eat me or maul me to death mister little dragon," he said, a little squeaky. The beast rolled his eyes at him--he wasn't kidding, it literally gave him such a human expression of exasperation he could almost hear it say "I'm not going to eat you, you idiot". Then it glanced at his phone and back at his face.

Dragon was right. First thing first, answer Geoff because he was already freaking over a cat, he didn't want to imagine the scene if he found out it was actually a dragon.

Whoops. Must've let in a stray or something lol too drunk last nite i'll take care of it gtg bye

He sighed and switched his attention back to the black beast. "Well, little fella, what to do with you?" It just blinked at him crossly. Can an animal even do that, blink crossly? Maybe it was just sleepy.

"You know, you're very tiny for a dragon. Aren't you all supposed to be monstrous or something?" he asked. This time, it stiffed and growled, rumbling almost like a scary boat motor and Gavin swore its shadow shifted and grew until it reached the size of something more massive and properly dragon-like. But when he rubbed his eyes, the shadow that once dominated the room shrunk back to that of a housecat. And the dammed thing looked smug.

"Right, so you're a bloody dragon-you could be as small as a mouse-but you're still a bloody dragon. Any ideas of how to get you home then?" Something in his tone must have startled it, because it went from preening in its own satisfaction to whipping its head at Gavin all wide-eyed. It got up and moved so that its face was right up in his own face. Gavin blinked, starting to sweat, sure that he had crossed a line and was about to die now, even as he tried to move out of the way from it subtly. Not that that would stop it from chewing his face off or--jeebus lorenzo--melt his face off faster than he could blink if it so desired.

It opened its maw just a crack--big enough for him to see its brilliant rows of jagged teeth--and then closed it, almost as if it forgot that it could not speak to him. Huh, that's a weird thought. Then it lifted a paw up to press down, softer than he ever imagined such a beast capable of, right on its chest over his heart. They locked eyes. Gavin's own boring ones and its bright, luminescent yellow ones that all of its kind had. They were mesmerizing, beautiful circles of some kind of yellow stone. He swallowed, wondering if something sucked up all the air in the room just now. But, then, his entire mind went blank. 'Home' pulsated in his head as clear as if his own heart provided the word.

The dragon nodded once and closed his eyes, dropping his paw. Gavin could breathe again.

"Fuck," he whispered, hands shaking. "Bloody hell, that was...that was...I can't even," His dragon got that smug look again and made another rumbling noise. Wait, was it purring? Did dragons do that?

"Well, um," he cleared his throat. "I can't keep calling you dragon or it, can I?"

For the first time, it opened its mouth and made a weird hissing noise at him.

"Er...Kissshaal?" Gavin attempted to squawk back at him. The dragon ruffled his wings and made that purring noise again. Close enough, he supposed. "I'll just call you Kal, then. So, erm, are you a girl dragon or a boy dragon?"

Kal looked at him and cocked his head. Gavin could feel his confusion.

"It's...well, just forget it," his stomach growled. "Let's grab something to eat, eh, Kal?" He got up and padded to the kitchen, hearing the tiny clink of claws of the floor after him. "Dragons prefer meat, so bacon'll have to do. Maybe eggs too. Tea for me, though, I don't think you'll want that, huh?" he turned to see Kal staring back at him on the counter.

"Oi, no scratch marks or Griffon will have my head. Now, here, give it a whiff," he said, dangling a tea bag in front of his nose for laughs. Kal sniffed it then snatched it from Gavin's fingers and tore it apart, splitting the leaves out.

"Kal, no! We don't destroy the Queen's tea!" he shouted, bopping his snout and cleaning the mess. Kal glowered at him and snuffled.

"Don't bloody give me that, you know what you did. No tea! But you're cat-like, so here," he pulled out the milk and put down a small bowl for him to drink out of. "Drink up and let me cook in peace,"

Kal seemed appeased by this offering, purring while slurping up the milk and making a general mess of himself and the counter as Gavin shook his head and turned back to making their breakfast.

Chapter Text

(Gavin successfully or not so successfully hides the fact that Kal is here to stay, as a tiny dragon--he leaves out the whole connection that they share--and Geoff is only okay with it because Millie adores Kal and Kal adores her. Plus, Griffon's making a killing off her wood-sculpturing now that she has a live-in model to make cute dragon figurines out of. But Kal's been getting a bit restless lately and doing weird things like watching YouTube videos from the weird side of YouTube or going off in a secluded room and making weird noises. Then, he just disappears one day when the Ramsey's go to one of Griffon's sculpturing conventions)

"Kal? Where are you, you bloody stupid dragon?" Gavin calls as soon as he gets home from work. He's nervous because he hasn't seen Kal in awhile, long enough to not be surprised that he's nowhere to be found. Not even under the couch, his favorite hiding spot to jump out and scare unsuspecting Gavins (or Geoffs).

"Gavin."

Gavin shrieked and spun around, taking in this unknown face with its adorable mop of curls and smattering of freckles, shifting his feet and rubbing the back of his neck in front of the hallway to his room. And now, the bloke has a little smile growing on his face--good god, were those dimples? On any other sort of occasion he might have been suckered in by those bad boys, but not this one. Kal was too important to him to fall for some stranger's-and likely creepy-stalker-invader-fan's to boot-charm.

"Who are you and how did you get in here?"

Adorable invader blinked, dropping his hand and then blushing faintly. "Oh, shit. I thought you knew-Gav, it's me, Kal."

Creepy-stalker-invader-fan did his research if he picked up on the very very few times Kal was mentioned accidentally in videos.

He scoffed. "Ha, ha, very funny. But Kal isn't a human, you knob,"

Invader-fan chuckled. "I can shape-shift, Gavin. That's my-how do you say it..." he scrunched up his nose adorably, searching for a specific word. "My talent. Like yours,"

"I can't bloody well shape-shift, you're mental!" he screeched, flailing a little.

Imposter-Kal sighed, scales flickering across his face and mouth morphing into a snout like some incredible real-life CGI before settling back into his human visage. "Ta-da," he said sarcastically with lackluster jazz hands. "It's still me. You should fucking be happy too. You flesh-walkers are really complicated. It took me ages just to learn your tongue,"

Gavin rushed him with a happy noise high in his throat, arms tight enough around his chest to squeeze out a few fond rumbles as Kal eventually squeezed him back. Gavin let him go far enough that he couldn't dodge his slap to the arm. "Don't you ever do that again! You had me worried, you sausage..."

"Sorry," Kal mumbled into his messy hair. "I wanted to surprise you,"

"You did that, you tosser," he laughed, stepping away to really look him over. "So, I guess this means you're a boy, eh?"

Kal scrunched his nose again. "You keep saying that, what's 'boy'?"

"Are you-don't dragons have sexes?" Gavin floundered for a way to explain.

Kal shrugged. "We have Mhysa and Frra, those who birth and those who seed. It doesn't matter outside of that, and you can be both or neither,"

Gavin made a thoughtful noise. "What are you, then?"

This time it was Kal who spluttered, blushing darkly and tripping over nothing as he stepped backwards. "G-Gavin, I-I, um," he hid his face as best as possible, shrinking into himself. "That's a, uh, I guess, mating proposal? You decide what you are with your mate when you've reached the Time,"

"Oh, um, sorry. I didn't mean to..." he said, flushed as well, before pausing to clear his throat. "Well, here, people are born either a girl or a boy-um, either Mhysas or Frras, I guess?-and you usually tell by what body parts they have,"

"So, if I'm a...boy, what 'parts' do I have?"

"Well, erm, this is awkward," he said under his breath. "Like, guys have flat chests," he gestured to the both of theirs. "And, and a penis, basically,"

"Oh," Kal blinked. "Is that what this is?" he asked, reaching to drop his pants.

Gavin flailed, sticking his hands out and turning his head away. "Yes! Please don't show me! It's-it's, uh, not a thing people do,"

Kal shrugged, pulling them back up. "Is this like destroying that nasty Queen's tea of yours?"

"Yes," Gavin said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Like that."

(Kal gets accepted into the RT and AH community, now that he can pass for a human, and eventually gets offered a job there. Joel, surprisingly, takes care of the fact that he doesn't technically exist with a wink to Gavin, so everyone believes that he's this up-and-coming YouTube star, Micheal "Rage Quit" Jones. Geoff is suspicious but says and does nothing, except to give Gavin meaningful looks that make him sweat in his seat. Kal slips up a couple of times, stumbling over human words and customs, but luckily everybody attributes it to him being from Jersey. Gavin, similarly, forgets every once in awhile not to call him "Kal" so his name gets butchered in this weird "Mike-kal" combination that is attributed to him being British. Kal confesses that there is more to what "home" means, and properly courts Gavin as per dragon tradition while teaching him about his life as a dragon until Gavin accepts to being his mate. Everything is going smoothly, until Kal's Time hits and they discover the little problem that sex tires Kal out enough that he cannot sustain his human visage)

"Oh my god!"

Gavin jerks at Geoff's completely devasted tone, cursing himself for forgetting to lock the door. Kal's too exhausted to notice, but Gavin can hear him dialing someone, and his heart stops for a moment.

"Geoff, Geoff, wait, please let me explain," he pleads, hurriedly putting on more clothes before busting out the door. It's too late. He has already hung up.

"I'm sorry Gavin, but what I just saw was sick, and you need help, and that dragon has got to go!" he rambles, distress evident in his voice.

"You don't understand! We're supposed to be together, you can't-you can't throw him into the wild," he swallows thickly. "He's got my scent, the scent of a human on him. The other dragons will kill him!"

"And who's fault is that?!" he snapped. Gavin physically flinches, and Geoff sighs. "Listen, let them take you in and get better. I'll tell everybody you went on vacation, and we'll never talk of this again, okay?"

Gavin glanced back at his room and sighed with his whole body, slumping over and hanging his head like a ragdoll. "You're right, Geoff, I-I'm sick," he whispers, voice cracking ever so slightly. "I need to get help, and I'll go--on one condition. You let me take him back somewhere safe, don't-don't let those people have him. They'll only hurt him more and I...please Geoff. It'll only take a few minutes, then everybody's happy."

"You best get started then. They said they'd be here in ten minutes, and you know they're always punctual,"

Gavin sprinted back into his room and shook Kal roughly. "Come on, you bloody knob; you need to get up! Kal, we don't have time for this," he pleaded.

Kal shimmered back into his human form, rubbing his eyes and slurring his words as if his tongue was still sleepy. "Gavvy, what is it? You know I--"

"Listen." Gavin barked, voice steely. Kal shut up. "They're coming for you, so-so you need to go. Hide far away, and I'll find you when it's safe. Okay? Don't look for me, I'll find you. Now, go!"

"I can't leave you. You're my mate," he said, anger starting to wake him up. "I'm supposed to protect you!"

"I know," he said, voice rough. "I love you too. But this is the way it has to be. Look, you're my home, right? I'll always come back to you, no matter how long it takes. I just. I can't lose you and I will if you stay. So, go. Leave for me. Please,"

Kal watched him for a long moment, taking in the seriousness, before reaching out to pull him in for a tender kiss. He pressed their foreheads together, savoring the moment before he sighed and shifted back to his dragon form to fly out the window and far away.

Gavin waited all but five seconds before he crumpled into a ball on their bed and pounded his heartache away. He wouldn't let himself cry, no matter how much he wanted to, because he had to look presentable for when the Dragon Protection Services arrived to assess the situation. Of course, it wasn't long at all when he heard the sirens and Geoff's quiet knock at the door. He tries not to laugh at that. If Geoff had knocked the first time, this wouldn't have happened.

"You better be ready, Gavin, it'll make everything easier if you just cooperate,"

He nodded dumbly, even though Geoff couldn't see him yet. What else was there to do? Kal would be safe while he was locked up to rot in an insane asylum regardless if he cooperated or not. But at least Kal would be safe. No one would be able to hurt him, so it was all worth it. He would suffer so Kal could live.

He supposed, in hindsight, that cooperating didn't include smiling brightly as the DPS burst in and introducing himself, hand outstretched, "Hi, I'm Gavin Free, the dragon-fucker,"

 

***

"Why."

"I'm sorry, was that a question or a statement?" Gavin smirked.

She smiled at him, but her lips were drawn so tight that it came out as more of a grimace. "Don't play games, Mr. Free; it's not going to get you anywhere. Now, why?"

He crossed his arms and looked away from the chief of the DPS's face. "You wouldn't understand, and even if you somehow did, you'd never believe me. For a bunch of so-called experts, you will never know even half of what I know--and it's not a lot,"

She hummed to herself, flipping through the manila folder in front of her. Gavin tried not to visibly sweat too much; he's seen enough movies to know that nothing good is in there. "I was told you agreed to be cooperative. I can see they were mistaken on that as well," she mused without sparing him a glance. Which was good, because Gavin was officially unnerved.

"Well, excuse me, miss, but I'm not stupid. No matter what I say or do, you're gonna stick me in the most secluded loony bin you can find to cover up your arses because the more I waste your time, the more unlikely it is you're going to get him," he snarked at her. "So, sorry if I don't feel like talking to you lot,"

She glanced up at that with a poor facsimile of hurt in her eyes. "Mr. Free. I can assure you that's not our intention, however--"

"Bullshit it's not! You've done stuff like this before. Anytime a human has any success in building a relationship with dragons; you shut that down. Well, guess what?" He leaned in closer to her, conspiratorially dropping the volume of his voice but none of the bite. "You're too late to stop us. So it doesn't matter what you do to me, you can't hurt me,"

"Oh?" She paused, adjusting her glasses with a small smirk. "Are you so sure of that, Mr. Free?"

Gavin licked his lips and sat back with his arms crossed out in front of him, lazily. "Yes."

She gave a fake long-suffering sigh. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe we can't hurt you...but we can hunt down every dragon until we find yours and put them all down in front of you. You wouldn't want to be responsible for their suffering, would you?" she said in a simpering purr. "Surely not someone who claims to know more about dragons than us and calls himself the 'dragon-fucker'."

"You're bloody monsters, that's what you are. How can you get away with this--you're supposed to protect them!"

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be smart, Mr. Free. We do what the government needs us to do: to read between the lines. The government needs the support of the people, who for some ungodly reason, like dragons but can't care for them and the government wants the potential threats eliminated." She cocks her head to the side. "We keep the dragons 'away' from the public; any means necessary,"

Gavin narrowed his eyes. "You--" he growled, cut off by sirens blaring and the door to his interrogation room being thrown open so hard the hinges cracked.

"Gavin!" the body in the doorway crowed. "I found you,"

"Kal," he croaked, torn between elation that his other half was reunited with him and the sheer terror that they were reunited in the Austin DPS headquarters. "How did you find me?"

"Easy, you idiot," he said, grinning like he didn't know the danger they were in. "You're my boy; I'll always find you,"

"Michael," he said softly, exasperated but happy all the same.

The chief stood up, taser at the ready. "What the hell is going on? How did you get past security?" she added, with a withering glare at the people behind the one-way mirror.

Kal just grinned toothily at her and approached her with a confident swagger. "Well, you see, there's been a misunderstanding. I'm Michael Vincent Jones, Gavin Free's best mate. And I'm also the dragon that he got caught fucking,"

For a second, her unshakeable mask faltered with confusion. Then she grits her teeth even further. "What kind of imbecile do you take me for? You're a human!"

Kal's grin widened. "Actually--"

"Michael, no!" Gavin interrupted, standing up abruptly. "You don't have to do this! I can't ask that of you..."

Kal's eyes glinted yellow, and he huffed fondly. "Gavin, I'm not going to let you take the fall alone. You think I'm an idiot? I know what you're trying to do and what's coming to us...and I'm going to take care of you through the end. You're my boy, I gotta protect you, or you'll do something dumb-like this." He turned towards the chief. "I only look human because that's my talent,"

She frowned. "Your...'talent'."

"That's what I fucking said, isn't it?" he sneered. "Now, let him go, and I'll explain everything,"

"If you can prove that you are what you say, I'll let you both 'go'," she said, lowering her tazer with a mean smile. Gavin narrowed his eyes at her tone.

"Deal," he nodded. He shut his eyes tight and concentrated. But nothing happened. "Shit. Hold on; I can-I can do this! I just didn't get enough rest earlier..."

The chief's smugness continued to grow and curl her lips. "I have to thank you boys; this has certainly been one for the books. But now that we're done with our silly games-"

"Wait!" Gavin blurted out, earning her impatient glare. "There's another way I can prove that he's a real dragon..."

"Enlighten me," she gritted out.

He sighed, drooping with shame. "He's shared everything with me. I can...I can lead you to their lair in Austin..."

Kal furrowed his brow before his eyes widened with realization. "Gavin...you know what this means,"

"It's the only way," he shot back, covertly gauging the chief's reaction. She seemed intrigued and amused. "Kal, I can't live without you..."

Kal darted a glance at the chief as well before jutting his chin out and taking a step closer to him. "Then I'm going with you,"

Definitely intrigued and amused. One last push. "You can't!" he cried out. "They'll kill you Kal; you have my scent,"

"This is very touching and all," she sneered, cutting in. "But we have a journey to make, don't we, Mister Free?"

(And so they take her to the dragon's lair using Gavin's "talent" of mimicry to pass through and convince the dragon elders to spare them and eat her. Then once the news comes out that Michael and Gavin are a happy inter-species couple (as well as the horrors that the DPS is responsible for), more and more dragons that share Kal's talent pop up and shut down the DPS for good and they live happily ever after, or something like that. The end)