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It's the Same for Me

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She was close.

 

She was so close Emma could taste it on her tongue like coming storm. She could feel it in the tension in the shaking legs wrapped around her shoulders and in the hands that fisted in her hair and kept her close. She could feel her heat clinging to her fingers as she drove them in and out this woman.

 

Emma had had this dream many times over the years. In many different places. In a ratty room at Granny’s Inn. Under Regina’s apple tree. At the station. In the bug. In the Mayor’s office. In the vault. Once on the Jolly Roger. But never, ever in Regina’s bedroom. Mainly because Emma had never been in it. Not once in the four years they knew each other.

 

“Em-ma… nuh! Please…”

 

She also would have woken up long before now. Usually just before Regina fell over the edge, Emma’d wake up feeling guilty and defensive. Killian always was patient. Perhaps too patient. And that bothered her too, because he had to feel it. He had to see it. She wasn’t exactly being subtle. And while she loved him deeply, passionately even, she always felt like she was walking with one foot out of their relationship.

 

She didn’t know what the hell Regina had to do with any of it but there was something that kept Emma in her orbit. And it was more than them sharing a son. It was more than them being the only two members of their special club. Regina made her feel welcomed. Being with Regina felt like she had finally found a home.

 

“God, I love the way you taste, Regina,” she whispered. “I could do this all fucking day.”

 

“Sadly,” Regina breathed, her voice straining to keep quiet. “We… We have…” She licked her lips, eyes fluttering shut. “...things to do.”

 

“Stupid adult responsibilities,” Emma chuckled, her tongue flicking the hardened bud of nerves endings.

 

Regina’s hips canted forward, rubbing her center against Emma’s mouth and whimpered. “Yes, dear. But… You have… You have to… Hurry… Because…”

 

And just as soon as she spoke there was a tentative knock on the bedroom door.

 

“Mommies?”

 

Okay, that never happened in the dream.

 

Emma popped her head up and looked at Regina with a clearly perplexed expression. “Regina?”

 

And Regina stared back at her with an equally confusing look in her eyes. “Emma?”

 

“This isn’t a dream, is it?”

 

Her son’s mother frowned at her. “What?”

 

Emma shook her head. “Nevermind.”

 

The knock came again and this time another little voice sounded. “Mommies? Are you still sweeping?”

 

The words left her mouth before she even realized she was speaking them. “Luke, Leia, go bug your big brother. Me and mommy will be out in a minute.”

 

They heard the small voices squabble. Luke didn’t want to leave, as he always had a hard time being away from either Regina or herself for too long. But Leia was ready to go rouse her favorite big brother and start the day; that was her little warrior princess, always willing to grab life by the horns. How Emma knew any of these things was unsettling to say the very least. Because either this was the most detailed dream she had ever had, or…

 

“This isn’t a dream, is it?” Emma whispered.

 

Regina eased away from Emma, clutching bedsheets to her chest as she did so. “No. No, this isn’t a dream, Emma.”

 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked, trying to give the Mayor some space and not think about how they were both very much naked in Regina’s bed in whatever bizzaro world they had found themselves in. But she was having flashes of this life - their life together here. Like the fact that they had only just gotten married.

 

Emma looked down at her left hand and saw on her ring finger a tattoo of what passed for her wedding band. Her lips curled in a smile when she recalled the fight, she and Regina had because of it.

 

“We were arguing with Henry about the Quill,” Regina replied. “And something about… Something about rewriting my story.”

 

The Savior nodded. “I remember. Do you think-?”

 

Regina shook her head. “No. No. He wouldn’t have done this on purpose. He only thought he was helping. Henry could've foreseen this.”

 

“Yeah, that’s our kid,” Emma agreed. “He gets that from me.”

 

The former Queen gave her an odd look. “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Doing the stupid thing so you can get a happy ending… That's those Swan Genes, your Majesty,” The sheriff began. “Granted it’s not throwing yourself into a vortex of pure evil kind of stupid but it ranks.”

 

Regina shook her head, fighting a smile. “Yes. I agree. He fell out of the Idiot Tree, clearly he must have hit a branch or two.”

 

“Hey, now,” Emma teased, holding on her left hand. “You married into the Idiot family, Ms. Swan.”

 

“Please. It's Ms. Swan-Mills. We hyphenated and you know it. But nice try.” Regina held up her hand before the Savior could say the thing that she knew was right on the tip of her tongue. “And before you say anything, no we are not dropping Mills. I like Mills. And so do our children.”

 

“Bringing our adora-brood into the mix. Well-played, your Majesty. Well-played.”

 

“I try dear, thank you.”

 

“So…” Emma trained off.

 

“We should get dressed and see where or when we are,” Regina replied. “Yes. We should. I’ll - I can get dressed in the master bathroom.”

 

The savior shook her head. “No. No. It’s ok. It's your room. I’ll just grab some clothes. And-”

 

Regina sighed. “Emma, we’re being ridiculous.”

 

The sheriff frowned. “I thought we were being considerate. Because - I mean - Regina, we were…”

 

The Mayor nodded. “I know. It’s why we’re being ridiculous. For God sakes, Emma, you had your head between my legs not less than five minutes ago.”

 

Heat crept up Emma’s face and she looked away so quickly she thought she might have pulled something. She tripped over her words at first, trying to eloquently stop this conversation before it started. Because she didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t dwell on the fact that she could still taste her on her lips. Or the myriad of memories she had rattling around in her head of the literal countless times she or some version of her had experienced. Or the fact that she knew with absolute certainty that there were two little children downstairs that were half her and half Regina.

 

This couldn’t be real.

 

“Emma?”

 

The Savior shook her head. “Sorry. Sorry, it’s just a lot to take in.”

 

“I know,” Regina assured her. “I’m sorry too, Emma but we can’t change this. It happened. We’re married in this world and right now there are two very observant children not to mention our hyperaware young adult son that will know if something is wrong.”

 

“What are you suggesting?”

 

“I’m suggesting that we keep this up.” When Emma frowned, Regina quickly clarified. “Until we find a way back home.”

 

“Right. Right. Of course, right.” The sheriff closed her eyes and took a breath. “I’m sorry. I’ll get better when…” She cleared her throat. “When we… are... both... clothed. Because we are… very… much… not… that right now, so...”

 

Regina blushed and looked away. “Yes. But as I’ve said…”

 

Emma nodded. “Yeah. Some things you can’t unsee, I know. But this is a little bit more than just accidentally catching a peek at each other in the showers, Regina.”

 

This complicated everything. Even if they did make it back, what were they going to about — well everything? Because Emma couldn’t exactly explain this to Killian. And if she did it would probably raise questions she couldn’t answer. And…

 

He didn’t deserve to find out that way.

 

“Emma?”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m here. I'm going to get dressed.” The savior said as she stood. She didn’t look at Regina when she quickly gathered up some clothes and rushed to the master bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

 

Emma sat down on the closed toilet and ran her hands over her face.

 

“What the actual fuck?”

 

There was a gentle knock at the bathroom door. “Emma?”

 

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

They had come a long way in the four and a half years they had been doing this. For example, Regina wouldn’t have given her the full 30 seconds she did before storming into the bathroom.

 

And she still wasn’t wearing any clothes.

 

Why was she still not wearing any clothes?

 

“Emma, you’re being absurd and puerile about this,” Regina told her.

 

“We’re in your bathroom, naked, with our three - yeah, that’s right - three children downstairs waiting for us to make them pancakes. Because apparently that's what we do every Sunday,” Emma fired back. “So absurdity abound, your Majesty. We are currently traveling through space going ludicrous speed. That's how fucking ridiculous this is.”

 

Silence filled the room and for a moment Emma thought that maybe Regina was going to back down. But if having the memories of nearly a decade of friendship and a year of marriage had taught her anything was that Regina wasn’t going to let this go.

 

“What’s going on, Emma?” Again Regina held up her hand before she could say anything. “And before you even dream of lying to me, remember that I know you, Ms. Swan. And you can’t lie to me. So what’s really going on?”

 

So they were really going to have this conversation right now, just like this?

 

The savior let out an exasperated sigh, combed her fingers through her hair, and stood up. “Regina, I’ve got the memories of some other me in my head. Another me that's very much in love with you and happy. But I’m going over it all and…”

 

“And…?”

 

“It’s the same for me.”

 

“What is the same for you?”

 

“All of it, Regina,” Emma confessed. “All of it.”

 

The Mayor frowned. “I don’t understand.”

 

“I was attracted to you from the moment we met,” The Sheriff revealed.

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

“You were wearing that grey sheath dress. And your hair was short. And it was cold that night.” Emma smirked, knowingly. “It was really cold that night.” She looked up and noticed Regina giving her a stern look. So Emma cleared her throat again.l and continued. “Right. If I have a point I should make it. My point is, Regina it’s the same for me. Every lingering look, every weird invasion of your personal space, every time I put myself in harm's way to protect you, that whole fucking thing with Graham. All of it is very real for me in that way. So I don’t know if I can pretend, because for me it won’t be pretend. I can’t fake something I already feel.”

 

“And Guyliner?”

 

“Complicates things, sure. But no more than this does.” Emma smiled, softly and met Regina’s gaze. “I want pancakes on Sunday mornings. I want three kids that can’t wait to see me every morning. I want a partner I can grow old with. Someone who accepts me. All of me.” This time she held up her hand before Regina could jump in with a counterpoint. “Yes, in theory I could have all of those things with Killian. But why would I want that with him, when I already have all of those things with you?”

 

“Emma…” Regina shook her head. “This won’t end well.”

 

“If you call this not ending well…”

 

The former Queen scoffed. “Emma, I’m being serious.”

 

“Regina, so am I,” she insisted, closing the distance between them some. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to get back home or that you have to make a decision right now. Just know that if you want this, I want to give it to you.”

 

“Just like that?”

 

“Yeah.” Emma smirked. “Just like that. I mean, you said it yourself, I had my head between your leg not five minutes ago. So let’s just say, I was able to see things from a brand new angle.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes and shoved the sheriff, gently away from her. “You didn’t have a change of heart just because… of that, Sheriff.”

 

“To be fair, Madam Mayor, you’ve never gone down on you,” Emma countered.

 

“In the interest of being fair, neither have you, Emma.”

 

“If we’re not counting the memories, then I did sort of… that one time… just now… Look, I can do it again but I’m pretty sure I’m going to feel the same way.”

 

“Emma…”

 

“Regina…”

 

The former Queen took a step and then another. She pressed herself against Emma’s body, her breath catching in her throat as her arms snake around Emma’s neck. She stared up at Emma, chocolate brown eyes boring into sea green ones.

 

“We’re going to regret this, aren’t we?” Regina asked.

 

Emma kissed her, softly, like a wordless vow. “I hope not.”

 

The Mayor smiled at those words. “So first pancakes, then we start to work on making it home?”

 

The Savior grinned. “I knew there was a reason I married you.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes. “I still have my doubts.”

 

“Then give me a day to make my case,” Emma suggested. “We’ll call in Monday as to not tip anyone off and concentrate on our little adora-brood today. Besides, I’m pretty sure Violet is coming over later and I know you are aching to give that poor girl a hard time.”

 

When the Mayor’s lips curled in a devilish smirk and her eyes glinted with just a little hint of the Evil Queen, Emma knew she had her. “Fine. But only because I know if we weren’t in a different dimension you wouldn’t let me do this.”

 

“And you would be right… And since we’re doing things we don’t normally do…”

 

Regina arched an eyebrow at her, studying her for a moment before she said, “We only have five minutes, then we have to get dress.”

 

“Not if we’re in the shower.”

 

Emma watched as the former Queen actually considered it. And what she said in response to this day, completely shocked her.

 

“Start the water. I’ll get us some towels.”

 

Despite this being not how she pictured spending her day off from the Station, now that it was happening, Emma couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

 

“Awesome,” Emma whispered as she almost started to do her ‘we're totally gonna do it’s dance.

 

But Regina would have none of it. “And don't do the dance.”

 

The Savior stopped immediately. How did she always know? Emma shrugged and still did a little jig anyway because despite being married in this world Regina was still officially not the boss of her.

 

“You're doing the dance, aren't you?”

 

“...No.”

 

“Are you lying to me?”

 

Emma turned on the shower. “Sorry, what was that? Can't hear you over the water, babe.”


Another lie because she heard Regina mutter “Idiot” clear as day, which made Emma smiled. This wasn't their world but it felt like she was finally home.