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Fight Like Hell (For The Chance To Hold You Again)

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Being soaking wet wasn’t exactly a good feeling, but having caught Kaidan discretely eyeing him up on more than one occasion, Shepard paid little mind to it. There were still some staring bystanders, but the crowd around them had dissolved, and they managed to get inside the transport ship that reminded him of a small business jet.

He had pulled up the collar of Kaidan’s jacket well up to his cheeks, getting lost in his scent, reminding him how he still hadn’t given him his grey hoodie back. Shepard had grown far too attached. He didn’t really want to part from it.

Well shit, it’s mine now, he thought, having left it back at the apartment.

“So... what do you say we get you out of those wet clothes?” came a suggestive voice, Kaidan shooting him a dark look over his shoulder with a mischievous spark in his eye.

“Two minutes into our engagement and you’re already taking advantage of me?” he asked, feigning offense. “Damn, Alenko. I’m wounded.”

Kaidan shook his head, smiling. “I’ll get you some change.”

“Uh-oh. You’re not putting me in anything compromising, are you?”

“Careful, Shepard... don’t give me any ideas.” Kaidan zipped up the duffel bag and began rummaging through it. Separating from Kaidan’s jacket, he threw it at the backrest of a seat, arms enveloping around himself to keep up the remaining warmth as he tiptoed on his feet. Although he himself could reave, he didn’t really consider himself a biotic, as he didn’t know how to harness the dark energy in any other way. Therefore, he couldn’t warm himself or others up, like Kaidan sometimes did.

There was still a noticeable difference between an L2 and L5 implant, and since the L2’s were more unpredictable, the L5 didn’t have any side effects. However, not all the side effects were bad. The reason why Kaidan’s hair always stayed like that was because of the L2 and Shepard would kill for never having to style his own damn hair again. He needed large amounts of gel to keep it the way he wanted.

It was a damn pain, but still, he was thankful he didn’t suffer from migraines like Kaidan did.

After being detained back in 86 because of what happened at Aratoht, Shepard forgot everything about how to use biotics, having to approach Kaidan when he was back on the Normandy so he could re-teach it.

He could do just fine without biotics, but then again, it gave him an excuse to be close to Kaidan.

Nightly visits and teachings to progressively regain control.

Shepard had to admit that he acted way stupider than he actually was, resulting in longer and several nights than actually needed, anything just to spend time with Kaidan who was always busy with something else. Completely focused on the war and dedicated to his new rank, Kaidan rarely took the time off to simply chat or hang out, so Shepard compromised with what he could. It was back to a time when he thought Kaidan was straight, and thinking back, he truly did feel ridiculous making an assertion like that.

Especially considering where they were today.

After nearly 4 years, they were getting married, and he couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest guy alive. Kaidan was damn perfect, and he had no idea how he had managed to land him, or what he had done to deserve him. Kaidan had gone to great lengths. Never once did he give up on him, even when Shepard treated him like shit, stirring his abdomen unpleasantly.

Swallowing, he averted his eyes, brows drawn together in a concerned fashion as he looked ahead of himself.

To get his mind off things, he got his hands busy, pulling the soaked shirt off over his head. Kaidan turned, his body going rigid until brown hue peeked up. Shepard winked at him, grabbed the cloth and headed for the dressing room, registering a small growl from Kaidan to let him know just how displeased he was that he didn’t plan to change right there in front of him.

Shepard loved teasing him like that.

He swung the door shut after him, bringing the cloth to his nose, registering Kaidan’s scent.

It was his favorite.

Kaidan had found him a plain white shirt, a pair of jeans, the standard briefs as well as a just as neutral colored footwear. Neither of them was particularly fond of flashy colors, although Shepard made an exception for red, and Kaidan for blue.

It was kind of their colors.

“John?” came Kaidan’s voice, at the other end of the door. “We, uh... we have a lot to talk about.”

Shepard frowned. “What about?” he asked, stripping down.

“I told you we were going to Vancouver, right? To meet my mom,” he said, as Shepard began dressing. “I mean hell, that’s scary enough, but...” A slow smile spread on his lips, and Kaidan snorted, almost hearing him shake his head.

Kaidan sucked in a breath. “Well, there’s... there’s another thing you should know.”

His whole body went cold when Kaidan had explained who was waiting for them back in Vancouver. Ashlee. Ashlee Shepard. The aspect of meeting his daughter after almost 5 years made him nauseous to the very core. What the hell was he supposed to do? He knew nothing about interacting with a kid, let alone raise one, but maybe it’d be easier with Kaidan around.

Just the thought of setting Ashlee up for adoption had him cringe, never knowing what kind of sick people could get ahold of her, and that made the decision -- however terrifying it was -- for him.

He wanted to keep her.

“So... her name’s Ashlee,” he muttered, beginning to button up his shirt. “What are the odds, huh?”

“I know. It’s crazy.” He could hear the smile in his voice. “But you’ve got nothing to worry about, John. She’s great. Obedient. Her mom did a good job raising her.” Kaidan fell into a pause. “I, uh... I think you’ll like her.”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” he asked, wincing.

“John... that -that’s ridiculous. She just... she had a bad first impression.” Shepard felt his own expression fall. “She, uh... she was in the comm-room when you contacted me before we touched down at that Cerberus facility to grab ahold of Ace.”


It had gone quiet, and Kaidan bit into his lower lip, wondering what was going through John’s mind. He was leaned up against the wall with arms folded across his chest while awaiting a response in the suffocating silence. Anything.

The door was pushed open, and John stepped out, looking entirely defeated.

“She saw that?” he asked, his voice close to breaking. Kaidan could do little but offer him a compassionate look. He watched him put a forearm to the wall and press his forehead against it.

Blue eyes tightly shut. “Shit, K... I don’t know if I can do this. I’m not fit for a damn father. I didn’t even have one of my own.”

“Hey. Just because you didn’t have parents yourself doesn’t mean you can’t do right by being one,” he soothed, reaching out to run his hand through his hair. “None of us know what happened, but if they really did leave you, then hell... do a better job than them. You’re compassionate, loving, kind, funny... overall a great guy. She’ll idolize you.”

He gingerly moved fingertips to the sensitive area of his L5 implant, feeling his shiver, having sworn he heard purring.

His eyes couldn’t help but fall, eyeing up his own fabric that was now hugging John’s form, from his broad shoulders to the curve of his ass that was not slightly sticking out because of his position. The buttons on his shirt were unfastened from the neck and down to the collarbone. The sleeves pulled up to his elbows. No matter what John wore, he looked like a model, and he felt guilty being tempted to take him right there.

Kaidan smoothed out the muscles in his body by running his hand down his shoulder blades to the small of his back, and John stood, wishing for more contact as he backed into his touch.

He happily obliged by stepping up behind him.

Lowering his voice, Kaidan added, “You’re also attractive as all hell, have a sexy voice, perform like a god in bed, and all those things you’d probably hit me for not saying... but I’m keeping those to myself.”

“I’m also reckless, stubborn, short-sighted, sometimes loud -”

“John,” he exhaled, having just spoiled the mood.

“...and everything I touch turn to shit.”



“What?” he asked bewildered, clasping his ring-bearing hand. “No! That’s not what I -”

John seemed to realize that he had been joking.

“You’ll do great,” Kaidan said. “As I told you after Thessia’s fall... I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

“Then you’ll be staying a long damn time,” he replied, twisting in his arms to curl the fabric of Kaidan’s shirt into his fists as he faced him. “Once you’re in on this, you’re not going anywhere. I won’t let you. You’re mine now, Alenko.”

“Mm... good. Because I’m not letting you get away from me again,” he murmured, smirking. “That means you want to keep her?”


“I guess so. Sure as hell wouldn’t trust anyone else. I’ve seen enough shit in my lifetime to know that,” he replied, dropped his forehead to Kaidan’s collarbone and grunted “...and here I was, wanting you by myself for a longer period of time.”

Kaidan blinked. “Wait, are you... jealous of a 4-year-old girl?”

“Yes,” he growled into his shoulder, not denying it. “Not only that, but we’re too damn young to give up sex.”

A heartfelt chuckle brewed up in Kaidan’s gut as he pulled him closer. “She goes to bed at five. We’ll have some time for ourselves,” he replied and felt John’s body go rigid when he gently nipped at his earlobe. In the process, he dropped his hand to gently squeeze his ass, hearing his breath hitch. “When you get too loud, I’ll just have to, uh... shove something in there... to shut you up.”

“Oh yeah?” he purred, the want in his voice making him semi-hard. “We’re alone now.”

He grinned as he gently nipped at John’s jawline, and taking him by the wrist, he was about to pull him back into the dressing room. Nevertheless, John stood firm. Kaidan arched a brow, but before he could ask, his back was slammed up against the bulkhead.

In the walkway.

In plain damn view.

“I’ve put you through hell, K,” he added, twining two fingers through his belt loops. “Let me make up for it.”

His heart was beating more and more rapidly.

“John, what are you d -?” he tried, but the only reply he received in return was a cocky wink. His heart got stuck in his throat when he realized that John had begun working off his belt.

Kaidan let out a breathy laugh. “Christ, the –the flight attendant... she could step in any time.”

“I’d say it’s a 50/50 percent chance.”

“You know... that dressing room, the one right there,” he said, motioning his head its direction “...has a lock.”

John’s grin took a wicked turn, having his head do cartwheels.

“Hell, what’s the fun in that?” he purred without shame, giving his hip a gentle squeeze.

John pressed up against him, briefly taking his breath away, their cocks touching over the fabric. In a swift, controlled tug, the belt was off. Delicate index fingers roamed just inside the rim of his pants as he was still holding the belt.

“I’ve learned a lot of things the past couple months,” he began, blue eyes transfixed at the belt. “One, you’re a terrible liar. Two, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Three...” Blue hue peeked up, a roguish glint ushering through. “How much I want to see you squirm at words alone, completely at my mercy, before I deepthroat your rock-hard cock and make you see stars.”

His jaw dropped, left speechless, forgetting to breathe.

John smirked slowly. “Four... how turned on you get when I talk to you like this,” he murmured, his voice seductive. “Now let me take care of you and make that picture a reality, yeah?”

Mouth still wide open, he felt his chin grasped, gingerly closing it for him.

He felt his cock twitch against the fabric. John slanted his head for him, picking his target, planting a kiss to his neck. Feeling his flushed skin be sucked into John’s wet mouth, he moaned, a hint of teeth grazing up towards his ear as he felt John’s own member press up against him. Kaidan grasped his shirt, fists closing around the fabric as he yanked him closer to feel his just as hard member, breath hitching at the friction. Revering the feeling of John’s full length pressing against his.

“For the record, I’ve never had any complaints. I was a local favorite who could fill out most of my clients’ kinks. Dozens would pay extra to ensure I was the one they got,” John said.

Kaidan was too caught up with the sloppy kisses and gentle bites to notice that his hand had moved far lower. He sucked in a breath when John dropped his hand and cupped his aching cock above the fabric before beginning to languidly stroke him.

Breathily, Kaidan asked, “That so?” while arching his hips up into the touch.

The need to feel John’s grip around him, the need to cooperate with his every movement, was suffocating. Kaidan clutched the cloth on John’s back, nails digging into the smooth surface, holding onto him as if he was simply a mirage and would just dissolve. Another throaty moan managed to slip through his lips and he buckled further up into John’s firm hold. He trailed up his shoulder, across his neck, and dug his hands into his hair to make him aware that he was close. John chuckled, a rumble low and straight from the gut, and retracted his hand.

Kaidan pushed up harder against him, desperate for regaining the missing contact.

John chuckled. “Easy there, Tiger. I haven’t even started.”

He threw his head back to the bulkhead, cursing under his breath, as he had just been denied his release. John was calling the shots -- being in a torturously playful mood -- and he couldn’t do crap about it.


Kaidan blew hard through his nose. “Christ, this better be worth it...”

“Oh, it will.”

Hearing the downright cockiness in it, he knew that hell, it would be worth it. That made waiting in anticipation far more challenging. It wasn’t like this was the first time he had given him a blowjob, so yeah, he knew what he had in store. Christ, John’s pouty lips were made to give blowjobs, and that shone through. Feelings his biceps grasped, John trailed his arms down before settling at his forearms.

“As much as I’d love to speed this along, the wait will be better,” he murmured, nipping at Kaidan’s pulse point.

Lips never leaving his neck, Kaidan was pushed up harder against the concrete. John seemed pleased as a small hum emerged from his mouth. He wanted to kiss him. Lips only inches away, Kaidan attempted to claim them with his own, but John countered with a smirk. He let out a small growl, only making the smirk grow wider, and Kaidan offered him his complete trust. The rim of his pants was grasped and he yanked forward.

“Someone’s impatient,” John purred.

Kaidan let out a small grunt. “You have that effect on me.”

His breath got stuck in his throat when John dropped to his knees before him. Clasping the rim of his pants, it didn’t take long before both they and his briefs were halfway down his thighs. He was given a long and hard look, John drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he eyed his trophy. The mischievous spark in the blue hue had his already spinning head pick up the pace of a damn chained gear, and just by that look alone, he knew that John wasn’t planning on showing him any form of mercy anytime soon.

As if he hadn’t suffered enough already.

Sticky kisses and even more bites were placed all over him, but John explicitly avoided his throbbing member, teasing the area around with tongue and teeth alike to arouse him further as hands roamed up his thighs to grab his ass.

He was already leaking pre-cum, but John paid no attention to it, as he silently wallowed in amusement.

“Major, I need you to fuck my mouth,” he murmured, and Kaidan squirmed. Restless, he struggled against the restraints in desperate need to touch him as John started working his wet tongue against the vein of his shaft with direct control, licking his way up. Hands tightened around his ass, getting a better grip, kneading it.

“J -John...” he panted. “Christ, just... just get on with it already.”

John’s lips brushed against the head. “If you ask nicely.”

“John, please... you’re killing me.”

“You’re killing me...?”


“That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

“John!” he growled.

After an accomplished grin was revealed on John’s face, he finally took his length between his lips, the wet warmth of his mouth enveloping his cock as his tongue made connection. Biting into his lower lip to silence himself, Kaidan shut his eyes as his head fell back to the bulkhead, powerless to his assault. He grabbed him by the hair to increase the pressure ever so slightly. Not only did the three inches made him look younger, but it was something to grab ahold of, too.

The panic set in when he heard a sound, as he stood there exposed, on immediate alert as the adrenaline built up. John pulled back from his dick with a wet pop, immediately having him miss the warmth of his mouth, only to hear a low rumble from John’s gut.

It was just his own phone that had slipped out of his pocket.

Letting his eyes shut again, he wanted to sigh in relief, only that he was stopped mid-sound as John went right back in with ease. He had made the mistake of looking down, seeing John as he bobbed between his legs. A lock of hair had fallen to his forehead. Too tempted to resist, he pushed it back into place.

Blue eyes peeked up with dilated pupils, meeting his, another moan escaping his lips at the sight.

Panting, he muttered, “John, s -stop... I’m... I’m gonna...”

He moaned at the top of his lungs when John simply positioned himself differently, guiding him in further, taking it like a champ with practiced ease when Kaidan arched himself deeper.

Knowing he was close, John pulled back, still keeping the head trapped.

Without even as much as flinch, he took his load into his mouth, Kaidan buckling underneath as they separated. His breathing evened out, released from his breathtaking high, John pressing a soft kiss to his now sensitive member before zipping his pants back up for him.

Opening dazed eyes and looking down, John still sat between his legs with that stupid grin on his face and wiped the escaped drops from the corner of his mouth -- he’d swallowed the rest.

Kaidan released a strangled chuckle. “Once again... you don’t disappoint.”

“Guess my question of, ‘Have I ever had your cock in my mouth’ was an affirmative, huh?”

“You’re... Christ, you’re terrible,” Kaidan breathed fondly, cupping his neck and pulled him up to his lips.

John opened his mouth, allowing him entrance, which he gladly entered. He could taste himself on his tongue. Their lips parted with a wet sound.

“But you still love me,” John replied, lightly nibbling at his lower lip, the cockiness still evident in his tone as he already knew the answer.

“I always have,” he muttered, pulling him in. “Guess it’s your turn, huh?”

John’s brows shot up “...and risk spilling all over your eye patch? Don’t think that’s sanitary,” he replied, making Kaidan roll his eyes at him. “Your face needs some time to heal from all that trauma. I don’t want to strain your muscles any further. Face-fucking is a no-go. I’m going to have to figure somethin’ out.”

“Hmm... well, I’ve got a proposition.”

“Yeah, and what’s tha -?” he began, only to let out a strangled moan as Kaidan slipped a hand down the front of his pants and taking his length in hand.

He automatically pressed into his touch as his arm draped around Kaidan’s shoulder.

John panted, meeting his strokes. “Okay... okay, yeah... I can get behind that.”

His breaths came in short, ragged huffs, in sync with the slight tugging. Kaidan focused on John’s breathing as he pressed his forehead to his temple, fighting not to get hard once again as he had little energy for another session he knew he wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ to. Languidly, he pumped the smooth skin of his hard member, refusing to leave him all hot and bothered -- not when he could do something about it -- after he had such a fantastic orgasm himself.

“F... fuck, K. I’m... I’m so damn close...”

“Come on,” he encouraged.

John’s breathing became more erratic, and feeling the hold around him tightening, he gave him the last stroke that sent him over the edge with a loud moan. He buckled in his arms, his load spilling over Kaidan’s hand, the sticky substance allowing easier slide when reaching out from his pants. John’s eyelids drooped. He was so damn beautiful like that. Carefree. Downright perfect.

“Fucking Christ, that was... that...” John mumbled, leaning his weary body into his hold. “Shit, now I’m going to have to change again.”

Chortling, Kaidan held him before pulling away.

John studied his hand. “Okay, so... that the ring?”

“Uh... Yeah.”

“Well, guess it’s literal now. ‘Your John, always.’ You’ve got my cum on that thing.”

Kaidan choked on a laugh, shaking his head. “Always knew you were a romantic,” he teased, watching the adorably goofy grin spread on his fiancé’s face. God, he was amazing. “C’mon. Let’s get ourselves cleaned up.”

...and hope no one heard us.

It didn’t take long to get presentable again, and together, they stepped up to two conjoined seats. Pushing the duffel bag up at the compartment above them, John took his seat, Kaidan soon feeling a hand tug at his shirt as he pulled him down with a smirk. Kaidan happily played along, and their lips collided in a sloppy kiss, still suffering from exhaustion from their past session.

He shivered as John’s fingertips gingerly moved up his temple, trailing the line of his eye patch, playfully tugging at it. There was no doubt. John loved the eye patch, and hell, Kaidan might keep it even after he recovered. For his sake.

Kaidan let his body fall to the seat beside him. “This whole thing brings up the next question of our engagement.”


“Do you want to be an ‘Alenko’ or am I going to be a ‘Shepard’?”

John blinked. “Shit. I didn’t think of that.”

“We could just keep our own names, you know. Or conjoin them,” he clarified, smirking. “What do you say, John Shepard-Alenko?”

“Let me get back to you on that,” he muttered “...but I kinda like the sound of that one.”

“There’s no reason to rush, though. Without the reaper invasion at our doorstep, we’ve got all the time in the world.”


“Think we’ll actually be able to settle down for once?” John asked.

“After everything we’ve been through, it’d be cruel not to allow us some of that happiness. We’ve earned it.”

“I really can’t see myself going through Wall-Mart scouting the aisles for milk and cornflakes before arguing over prices, though,” John murmured. Kaidan released a chuckle straight from the heart. He watched as John smiled back at him and seemed somewhat taken aback -- almost offended. “Seriously, though. Can you see me doing all that civilian shit? I sure as hell can’t.”

Kaidan’s gaze was far away. “I can, actually. It’s, uh... it’s entertaining as hell,” he muttered, receiving a light punch in his arm. Kaidan chuckled again until it died down with a fond smile. “I like what I’m seeing, though.”

For a moment, he just stared into his icy-blue eyes, full of love.

He was met by enthusiasm when he reduced the distance between them. The kiss was careful and soft and downright perfect. Breaking apart, he tilted his head down, brushing his lips against his jawline. Kaidan hummed softly and shivered when a hand went into his hair, thumb caressing his scalp. John’s mouth ghosted his neck before he placed a simple kiss below his ear.

One of his soft spots. John remembered. It was great to have him back.

John leaned into his grey-shot temple. “Love you.”

“I love you, too,” he replied.

Grunting, John muttered, “All right, this is getting too sappy for me.” He pulled away, and Kaidan rolled his eyes skyward at the display. “Now where are the damn peanuts?”

I’m definitely the luckiest man alive.