They’re in the forest, hunting a fairy.
Stiles wonders how his life came to this. Well, he has a pretty good idea: it started when his best friend was bitten by a werewolf and then there was a murder lizard and then a zombie werewolf and also a pack of Alpha werewolves and then everything just kind of escalated. Beacon Hills, lately, seems to be a pretty popular place for monsters to chill.
Or to go on killing sprees.
This particular monster is a fairy. Who would’ve expected that? Yeah, Stiles has watched Torchwood, thank you, but he likes to think of TV shows as fictional. Also, this fairy doesn’t look at all like the ugly ones in Torchwood, it is more of an ugly Tinker Bell. Ugly, because the fairy is a fat and a nearly naked middle-aged man, but tiny. And with wings. No magic wand, though.
They’re hunting the fairy, because he has been bothering the animals at the vet clinic–something Scott took a personal offense to, and he did some stuff he doesn’t want to talk about that made the fairy angry. So the fairy impregnated Scott.
Yes. He impregnated Scott.
Scott checked in at the hospital and had an ultrasound performed by his mom and it turned out that yes, he magically has a womb now, and he is also six months pregnant. While Scott is having a very serious conversation with Melissa at the hospital still, the rest is in the forest, hunting the fairy, to force him into de-impregnating the teenager.
Using werewolf noses, they found some suspicious looking mushroom circles pretty quickly. The fairy had built something residence-like in a hollowed out tree nearby. Stiles threw some herb mix Deaton had given him on the tiny man the moment they found him, which supposedly stopped him from using magic. However, it also woke him up, and apparently the little fucker could still use his wings, and he went off instantly. The werewolf part of the team – Derek, Isaac and Cora, Peter couldn’t be bothered to spend his time on saving Scott from an awkward pregnancy – turned and ran after him immediately.
Now, after exchanging a quick eye roll, Stiles and Allison are just running after them, as fast as their weak human legs can carry them.
Luckily it’s afternoon, so there’s still daylight–they don’t need supernatural eyesight to follow them. The fairy was probably sleeping because he plans his evil shenanigans at night. They only need to run for a couple of minutes though, before they catch up with the werewolves, who have the fairy pinned by his wings and legs to a tree. The tiny creature is wriggling around and shrieking. From the way Derek is glaring at the creature and Isaac is looking quite panicked while trying to hold his legs down, Stiles deduces they only just managed to catch it. They probably circled around it for a while or whatever.
“Talk,” Derek barks out.
“Let me go!” the fairy yelps, while trying to flutter his wings under Derek’s hands–quickly stopping when he realizes he might rip them. Derek glares a little harder.
“What’s your name?”
“I will tell you if you let–me–go!!!” For a startling moment it looks like he managed to free himself, but Cora steps in and stops him. The creature sighs over exaggeratedly and looks defeated. Then, in a whiny noise, “Name’s George.”
Stiles snorts. “Are you serious? George? I expected some cool name, like Amero, or Moonbug, or–”
“Shut up, Stiles,” Derek and Cora mutter at the same time. Stiles just grins at the siblings.
“You need to undo whatever you did to Scott,” Allison tells George in a firm voice, her crossbow pointed at him. “It’s not like we won’t find a way to fix it if you’re dead. Consider that a threat.”
George whistles softly. “Don’t think you can raise a child, baby doll?” Allison looks back very unimpressed. The creature rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine. I wasn’t planning on having him birth a child for real anyway. Guy doesn’t seem like he could handle the pain.” He gives a toothy grin at that. “Tell your dog that he should eat 500 grams of raw green beans and the baby bump should disappear immediately.”
“Scott hates green beans. You really know how to hit the guy where it hurts, huh?” Stiles asks, while he, Isaac and Allison are pulling up their phones simultaneously. He and Isaac give Allison a short nod and she types in the number.
“I may have done some stalking,” the little guy says. In response, Stiles tosses some more of the herbs over him. He nearly bumps into Derek, who has the wings folded to the side now, Isaac standing at the other side of the tree while still holding the legs down.
“You’re creepy,” Cora tells George. Derek scowls at Cora, his eyebrows saying don’t make too much contact and Cora just raises her own brows at him. Stiles tries to decipher the sibling talk in her look, but doesn’t succeed. Allison, who is apparently done with the quickest phone call ever already, says, “Lydia lives closest to the hospital, I’m making her deliver them the green beans. It should be done within half an hour. Are we staying here until then?”
Cora nods. “Transporting it is too dangerous. It might escape.” Allison taps away on her screen.
They all ignore the little yelp, “I’m not an it!”. Stiles snaps a picture of George.
“I’m putting this as my lock screen,” he giggles. “Also, sending it to Scott right now. Evil fairy pinned all helpless to a tree.”
“You do not want to anger me, boy,” George growls. Derek growls back at him, a little more impressively. The fairy flinches.
“I think you’re right. I shouldn’t anger you. What did Scott do to make you so mad, anyway?”
The fairy looks furious at remembering, now. “The fucker poisoned my pixie ring!” he yells out. The group exchanges unsure glances. When Stiles and Isaac make eye contact, they burst out laughing. Cora and Allison smile a little too, even Derek lets out a small chuckle.
“The evil human poisoned your precious mushrooms?” Stiles chimes. Isaac adds, “What do you do with those anyway?”
“I created them,” George hisses. “I danced to create them, the sweat from my dancing combined with the moonlight growing these magical creatures! I was planning on keeping the dickhead pregnant until he was near delivery–then, I would take away the baby again. See how he likes growing something, then seeing it killed.” He nods his head at the circles of mushrooms they found before. “All those rings–they’re just not the same. I spent hours trying to recreate my ring last night. The previous ring–my previous ring, it was created at a full moon. Different moons lead to different circles. This one was perfect. I loved it. I was going to take care of my ring for as long as I could, then I got a little bored, and decided those damn pets were deserving of some teasing. I didn’t know that cruel, cruel wolf would do something as horrible as destroying my baby!”
Stiles honestly should get some credit for the straight face he’s keeping. He’s also trying really hard to not look at Isaac.
“Well then,” Derek utters. Judging by his face, he also has a tough time trying to look threatening. His eyebrows are doing that knitting thing, and his jaw is clenched a little too tightly, his lower lip quivering a little too. Not that Stiles is staring, or something. “How about this–when everything is back to how it used to be, you leave this town, for good. Understood? Because if you don’t, we will find you again. And destroy every–every–pixie ring you make.”
The fairy actually looks horrified at that. Oh dear, Stiles thinks. This is getting more hilarious by the minute. Derek breaks his glare at the fairy and looks up to the sky. Most likely, he can’t hold it any longer either, so Stiles tries to distract everyone from the conversation, to avoid some truly inappropriate giggle fits.
“Allison, why don’t you call Scott again?” Stiles suggests, Allison nodding and immediately tapping away on her phone again. “And I think Isaac and I should take a walk, while the siblings with the superhuman strength guard the fairy. Good luck, guys.” He pulls Isaac with him, Cora quickly stepping in to keep the fairy pinned to the tree. Surprisingly, neither of the Hales protest at the two boys fleeing. Then again, they probably would do a much better job at keeping serious if there weren’t two teenagers distractingly trying to hold in their laughs.
“Oh my god,” Stiles hisses when they’re out of earshot. For the fairy, at least. “A fat, middle-aged, barely-covered fairy named George! Who impregnated Scott to avenge his mushrooms!” The two of them laugh for a good two minutes until Isaac finally regains his composure.
“Maybe we’re hallucinating,” Isaac snickers. “He is actually a drug dealer who fed us mushrooms.”
“If only all of the supernatural stuff happening around us could be explained by hallucinatory mushrooms,” Stiles sighs dramatically, then chuckles again.
“You wish you were hallucinating this,” Isaac says, as he shoves Stiles. The boy falls over, his behind landing on the forest floor, because Isaac has superhuman strength. That’s the only reason why he fell, obviously. Stiles is very strong in the legs. He never trips or falls over.
Or well, rarely.
He looks up, opens his mouth to make a snide remark, but then spots Derek and Cora and Allison walking their way, sans fairy.
“Scott’s baby bump is gone, and no extra organs showed up on the ultrasound,” Allison cheers. Stiles cheers right back at her.
“We let the fairy go,” Derek says, then, “why are you on the ground?”
Stiles closes his eyes and just shakes his head in answer to that. Derek doesn’t need to know everything. When he opens his eyes again, Derek is a lot closer than before. He has his arm extended at Stiles. Stiles stares at it for a few good seconds.
“I’m attempting to help you up,” Derek offers, sympathetically. Stiles makes a little ‘oh’ sounds, then grips the werewolf’s hand. He gets up, trips a little in the process, and ends up oddly close to Derek. He stares at him for a second, then looks down at their joined hands, and then quickly withdraws his hand. Derek blinks a little at him, not stepping away.
“Um,” Stiles murmurs, “sorry about that,” meaning the accidental almost-handholding. He steps away. Derek furrows his eyebrows a bit, then looks around at the rest, all kind of staring at them.
They all get home again and spend approximately three hours laughing at Scott.