Some nights are worse than others. There's no way to predict it, no warning signs or foreshadowing. It's just something that happens from time to time.
Tonight is one of those nights. Jyn hears him before she sees him, the soft shuffle of feet across tile floors and rubber mats. The gait is slow and unsure, halting and hesitant as it meanders its way down the hallway. It stops once, twice, and shuffles on. Jyn stands up slowly and walks to the door.
It's quiet this time of night, the halls empty and the lights dimmed to promote sleep and rest. There's a single occupant in the hallway, facing north with bare feet and slightly hunched shoulders. His back is to her but even from behind he looks uncertain and out of place. He's standing there, alone in the hallway, and he looks lost.
Jyn approaches him quietly. She knows better than to startle him on nights like this; the last time she came up too fast he ran from her and ended up clear across the base by the time she caught up with him. On nights like this she has to be slow and gentle and quiet. It's the only thing that works and it's the only thing that keeps him from running.
"Bodhi," she says softly, coming up just behind him with slow, measured steps. The pilot doesn't answer at first, his gaze a little dull and unfocused toward the end of the hall. He flinches suddenly, seeming to realize he's no longer alone, and turns to look at her.
He sees her and smiles hesitantly but there's only the barest hint of recognition in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he says with a small, choppy chuckle. "I think I got a little turned around back there." He points in the general direction of the rooms but it's broad and vague, a sweeping gesture that lacks concrete focus.
Jyn offers him a small smile and nods. "That's alright," she tells him gently, reaching out and placing a warm hand on his shoulder. Bodhi doesn't flinch but he does freeze up ever so slightly. It's an unconscious reaction to being touched that Bodhi hasn't quite managed to get rid of yet. "These halls are pretty confusing, especially at night."
"You're right," the pilot says, trying for a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. He nods once like it makes perfect sense but he still seems unsure. He looks around the hallway, looks at her, and frowns. "I don't know what I'm doing out here…"
It's a soft, broken admission and Jyn feels a tug in her chest at the words. It doesn't happen often, not anymore, but Bodhi still has moments when he loses himself, when he slips and forgets. She knows it's from his encounter with Bor Gullet and she knows it's something he'll probably have to deal with for a while to come. It's still difficult though, seeing their sweet, brave friend in such a lost, vulnerable state.
She squeezes his shoulder lightly, her thumb brushing over the hard outline of his shoulder blade. "Just taking a late night walk," she assures him with another soft smile. "How about we go back to bed, huh?"
Bodhi nods again, relaxing a bit more beneath her hand as a little more recognition seeps into his expression. He's not looking at her like she's a kind stranger anymore which is progress. He sees her and knows she's a friend, he can trust her. She's safe. "That sounds good."
Jyn nods and loops her arm through his, carefully steering him back down the hall toward her room. Normally she'd take him back to Cassian but the captain won't be back until tomorrow and she doesn't feel comfortable leaving Bodhi on his own like this. She wonders if Cassian's absence perhaps triggered this episode but there's really no way to know for sure. Bodhi will be better in the morning, he always is, she's just going to make sure she stays with him for the rest of the night.
They reach her room and she ushers him inside quietly, closing the door behind them. The bed is still rumpled and unmade but that's of little concern now. "We should try to get a few more hours of sleep," Jyn says, nodding toward the bed for emphasis. "First call isn't for a while."
Bodhi stands motionless in the center of the room, looking lost and vulnerable like a child. He blinks owlishly at her and nods, allowing her to lead him to the bed wordlessly. He's still not sure what's going on, where he is, but he knows her and he trusts her so he does what she says.
He drops onto the edge of the mattress and sits there for a moment before slowly, hesitantly, stretching himself out across its length. Jyn slides onto the bed beside him, moving the pillow between them so they can share it. They've slept like this before on nights when the nightmares and memories are too much. Sometimes it helps to have a warm body beside you, someone to help fight away the demons that threaten to overwhelm you.
Jyn turns on her side so she's facing him and Bodhi mirrors her posture. He's not sure why but he finds himself curling into her, his fingers tangling in her sleeve. Jyn wraps her arms around him and holds him close, chin resting on the top of his head. There's nothing sexual or suggestive about the embrace, she's simply hoping to bring some form of stability back to him.
"Jyn," he says quietly, his voice a little uncertain like he's testing a name he's not sure belongs to her.
"Jyn Erso," he continues, the words a little stronger and more confident.
Jyn looks down, meeting his dark eyes. "Yes, Bodhi?"
The pilot stares at her face for a moment before answering, analyzing her features. "I knew your father…"
Jyn offers a small, thready smile and a nod. "Yes, you did. You helped him deliver his message about the Death Star plans."
That's all it takes. The confirmation seems to set his troubled mind at ease and Bodhi sighs heavily and relaxes against her. He's asleep within seconds.
Jyn hugs him a bit closer to her, arms looped around his thin back. Some night are worse than others and tonight happened to be one of those nights. They know how to work through it though; they're not called rebels for nothing.
Bodhi is mumbling. Long, endless, run-on sentences that mash together and cut off abruptly. The words are quick and fuzzy and nonsensical like his mind is going way too fast for his mouth to catch up. He's speaking but there are too many words and not enough sense in them.
Chirrut frowns as he approaches, pale eyes locked on the rambling young man in front of him. Bodhi's aura is off, the colors blurring and smearing like the words coming out of his mouth. They become muddy and opaque around him, confusion and anxiety and nervous energy. The monk's frown deepens.
"You seem troubled, my friend," he says by way of greeting, walking further into the room toward the still mumbling pilot. Bodhi's words dip just slightly in a brief kind of acknowledgement that someone else is in the room with him but the rambling continues. "Is there something I can help you with?"
There's a flutter of nervous energy in the general vicinity of the pilot and Bodhi is pacing now, circling the room like a trapped animal. The endless string of words becomes something close to a hum and the rapid stutter-stop of his feet circling across the tile floors is chaotic and frenzied. He's anxious and upset and it's getting worse.
Chirrut steps forward again, putting himself within arm's reach of the pilot, and catches him by the wrist as he circles back by. For a brief moment Bodhi doesn't stop walking, too caught up in his own mind to realize he's being held in place. He reaches the end of his tether and staggers to a stop, the words halting with it.
"Bodhi," Chirrut says slowly, keeping a firm yet gentle grip on the younger man's wrist. His skin is hot and damp with sweat and he can feel the rapid gallop of the pilot's pulse beneath his fingertips. "You must calm down. You're not making sense."
"I had a message," Bodhi says suddenly, voice tight and clipped as he speaks. It's tinged with anxiety and tension, hints of hysteria literally bleeding into the words. "I had a message. I was supposed to deliver a message…"
"What message?" the monk asks, maintaining his grip on the younger man to keep him still. Bodhi shifts and frets like Chirrut's hand is the only thing keeping him in one place. Chirrut learned early on that Bodhi reacted better to touch than any other form of stimulus. It seemed to ground him a bit more, help him focus, when someone was touching him.
Bodhi hesitates, frowns and fidgets, and shakes his head. "I don't know...I can't remember. It was important, though. Very important. It was important and I forgot it. I don't know…" The words fade off and the pilot worries at his bottom lip, anxiously trying to remember the details of a vital message he was in charge of.
Chirrut nods once as he begins to understand what's going on. He'd only been present during one of Bodhi's episodes and Cassian had been the one to step in and take charge. Bodhi's short term memory tended to slip from time to time and made him forget relatively recent events. It was a residual effect from the torture he'd endured at the hands (tentacles?) of Saw's creature and they had all been assured repeatedly by numerous physicians that the memory loss would eventually fade, they just had to give it time.
Bodhi didn't seem bothered by it for the most part; he always bounced back pretty quickly but during the episodes, when he couldn't remember and forgot things that had already happened, he became an anxious, nervous ball of energy.
"Your message," Chirrut begins slowly, keeping the younger man still and fixed in front of him. "Was it in regards to the Death Star?"
The pilot freezes, breath catching in his throat a bit. "It is," he says with a startled little chuckle. "That's it, that's the message I was supposed to deliver. It's about the Death Star and its layout and there's a design flaw, like a killswitch, that will destroy the whole thing. I'm supposed to deliver the plans to the Rebellion and-"
"Bodhi," Chirrut interrupts him gently. The pilot's rambling immediately comes to a stop and he goes still. "You've delivered the plans already."
There's a brief wave of confusion and Bodhi shakes his head slightly. "No, no that's impossible. I couldn't have delivered the plans already. I couldn't remember them until just now. There's no way I could have-"
"You did," the monk says, cutting him off again. "You delivered the plans and we used them to destroy the Death Star." He keeps his voice level and confident, doing his best to convince his friend of something he doesn't remember doing. "You completed your mission, my friend. Believe me."
Bodhi hesitates for a second or so before he speaks again. "We destroyed it?" he asks, half in disbelief and half in awe.
"Yes," Chirrut tells him with a small smile. "We destroyed it."
The pilot seems to sag in relief at the news, stress and anxiety stripping off of him in layers. "I was afraid I'd be too late…"
"Not at all," the monk assures him again, keeping his fingers loosely wrapped around the pilot's wrist. It gives him just the right amount of leverage and control to lead the still dubious pilot out of the room and toward the archive department. "Come, I'll show you the footage if you'd like. I hear it was quite the sight."
"What are you doing up this time of night?" Baze grumbles quietly when his gaze lands on the slightly hunched form of the pilot hunkered down in a chair across the room. It's late, well into the early hours of the morning, and he's surprised to see anyone else awake. No one else was in the room which meant Bodhi probably shouldn't be there either but he was and that was a problem.
Baze found him quite by accident. It was a rough night, one that brought more anxiety than rest. He couldn't sleep, too many troubling thoughts and memories filling his dreams, and he didn't want to wake Chirrut with his hopeless tossing and turning so he had decided to take a walk around the base to clear his mind. Aside from a few officers and engineers, he hadn't stumbled across anyone during his late night walk. Which was why it was so surprising to see Bodhi camped out alone in this room.
The pilot didn't respond right away, too engrossed in whatever he was looking at on the monitor in front of him. Baze can't see it from where he's standing but it must be interesting, whatever it is, because it has Bodhi's full attention. The guardian sighs heavily and walks into the room with a huff.
"You shouldn't be in here," he says, loud enough that he's sure the other man will hear him as he approaches. "I'm pretty sure this room is for technicians only, not rebel pilots."
The pilot in question glances back at him then but it's quick and fleeting. Almost immediately his attention is drawn back to the screen in front of him. Baze suppresses the urge to growl in annoyance and stops beside him. "What are you-?"
His words cut out when he sees what Bodhi is staring at. The images on the screen are on a recorded loop from a satellite video. It shows a large, dusty planet covered in mountains and plateaus and valleys. For the first few second of the video there's nothing on the screen but the planet and the black expanse of space around it.
Suddenly, there's a flash of light and an impact and the ground is being blown away, chunks of rock and sediment and concrete exploding into the sky. The shock wave from the initial blast is devastating, peeling up the ground in enormous, overwhelming arches that spill over like tidal waves crashing into solid rock. In a split second an entire city is destroyed and a planet convulses with it. Baze doesn't have to ask what planet the video feed is showing them; they were both there.
"Jedha," Bodhi says quietly, his eyes still locked on the screen. He doesn't look away from the horror on the screen; he watches it with appalled awe. The light reflected off the monitor makes his eyes look darker and his skin look ashen. "Jedha is gone…"
Baze resists the urge to snarl in response. Of course Jedha was gone, they were there. They'd nearly died trying to get away from Jedha while it was being obliterated. He knows better than anyone that it's gone, destroyed, decimated. He'd spent enough nights trying to piece himself and Chirrut back together after the loss of Jedha. Of course he knows it's gone.
The guardian's fist clenches involuntarily and he grits his teeth. Jedha was still a tough subject, a topic he didn't like to think about and liked talking about even less. Knowing the entire Holy City was destroyed while they could do nothing but stand by and watch was a bitter pill to swallow.
He nearly snaps at Bodhi for his grim fascination with the video and the memories that surface with it but stops himself when he sees the expression on the younger man's face. Bodhi's eyes are still glued to the screen, wide and unblinking, and he looks devastated. His hands are clenched in tight fists against his legs and his shoulders are hunched and rigid as the scene plays out on repeat in front of him. Everything about his body language speaks of horror and disbelief and anguish and it's almost like he's seeing the destruction for the first time.
Baze curses softly and sighs. It occurs to him that it seems like Bodhi is seeing it for the first time because he is, at least for the moment. The pilot had been so incoherent and disoriented when they first found him that he was probably only vaguely aware of what was going on around him. He knew Jedha had been destroyed, he had witnessed it firsthand, but the memory of it still slips sometimes and it's like he's seeing it all over again for the first time.
The guardian takes a deep breath, lets it out as a long, heavy sigh, and passes a hand over his face. "Yes, Jedha was destroyed a few months ago," he says quietly, the words feeling like a punch in the gut as they come out. "It had become a war zone between the Rebellion and the Empire and the destruction of the Holy City effectively put an end to that."
"The Empire," Bodhi mumbles, his voice barely above a whisper. He frowns and shakes his head, suddenly remembering something. "They were looking for me. I was on Jedha...I'd gone to meet with Saw Gerrera to deliver a message about the Death Star and…" his words fade off and he shakes his head sharply.
"They knew I was there and that I had the message and…" he chokes on the last few words, voice breaking in disgust and horror. His eyes widen in a kind of unspoken conclusion and he swallows thickly. "I've...I've done something terrible…"
The assumption clicks in Baze's mind without Bodhi saying it out loud. The pilot blamed himself for the destruction of Jedha and the lives lost in the Holy City. He believed that the Empire had decided to wipe out their problem (ie. him) by simply obliterating half the planet in the process. Millions of lives lost meant nothing so long as he was one of them. It's a gut wrenching theory, one that strikes to the core, and yes, Baze may or may not have held a tiny bit of blame for Bodhi when it first happened but it's just not true.
If it hadn't been Jedha it would have been somewhere else; the Empire was indiscriminate with their destruction and would pursue whatever means necessary to destroy the Rebellion at all costs. There were Rebel factions all over Jedha and honestly it was simply a matter of time before it's cities were overrun by Imperial forces and the Rebellion quelled in a quick, likely violent manner. Jedha was destroyed but in all likelihood that was inevitable.
"Listen to me," Baze growls, perhaps a bit more sharply than he meant to because Bodhi visibly flinches when he speaks. He sighs and tries again. "The Empire destroyed Jedha, not you. They were the ones who gave the orders and fired the laser. The Holy City was destroyed, yes, but that was not your doing. Your being there did not hasten Jedha's fate nor did it seal it. "
Bodhi is looking at him, wide brown eyes glassy with unshed tears. "If I hadn't been there-"
"The city might still be standing," Baze allows, continuing quickly when Bodhi flinches again. "But so would the Death Star. If you had not been on Jedha we would not have gotten the information we needed to destroy their station."
He sighs again and shakes his head; this was not how he thought this night would end up. "The loss of Jedha is painful," he says quietly, meeting Bodhi's eyes as he speaks. "There are no words to describe how deep that pain goes. But what we lost in Jedha we gained with the destruction of the Death Star. While I still mourn its loss, I'm glad you were on Jedha. We could not have defeated the Empire without you."
Large, heavy tears stream down the sides of Bodhi's face and he lets out a shuddering breath. "All those people…"
The guardian shushes him gently. "It's best not to dwell on the past, my friend. Our thoughts and memories are often much darker at night. Sometimes all we can do to honor those we've lost is to keep moving forward." He reaches out and places a warm, heavy hand on the pilot's bony shoulder. "Come on, it's late and we shouldn't be torturing ourselves with things we cannot change."
Bodhi nods once and turns off the monitor, the satellite loop of the destruction cutting off with it. He stands slowly and allows Baze to guide him away from the station he'd been sitting at. He's quiet and pensive, mind still racing with thoughts he doesn't dare speak aloud. He's remembering Jedha, slowly but surely, and for some reason that makes it worse.
"I think my mother lived on Jedha," he says quietly, suddenly, and his voice sounds so lost and broken that Baze nearly stumbles.
Instead, the guardian wraps his arm a little more tightly across the younger man's shoulders, a protective gesture he hopes might drive away some of the pilot's darker thoughts. "Come along, little brother," he says quietly, leading Bodhi out of the room and away from the monitors and memories. "The world won't seem so dark in the morning. I promise."
K-2 staggers back in surprise, catching himself against the railing as the startled pilot sprints in the opposite direction. "What in the world…?"
Bodhi's reaction had been...unexpected to say the least. Granted, K probably shouldn't have snuck up on him (he knows how prone humans are to surprised, spastic reactions when they're startled) but the punch was a bit unwarranted.
The droid sighs and shakes his head. "I swear, I'll never understand humans," he mutters to himself with a resigned kind of acceptance. He straightens, brushes himself off lightly, and walks in the direction of his fleeing pilot.
Bodhi had been acting odd for most of the afternoon, quieter and jumpier than usual. The others noticed almost immediately, hovering and questioning him repeatedly throughout the day. It got them nowhere; the pilot would just smile and brush away their concerns easily. It was a vicious, unproductive cycle and Bodhi was remarkably adamant the whole time. He insisted he was fine and there wasn't much else they could do.
K-2 watched all of this with detached curiosity. He always found it interesting how surprisingly gentle they were with the pilot; for a motley group of rebels and fighters they were highly protective bunch, especially over Bodhi. It was endearing, kind of, and it didn't really make sense but K figured maybe humans just sometimes deemed one member of their group vulnerable and in need of protection and that member just happened to be their wide-eyed pilot.
K doesn't ask questions about it because honestly he just doesn't care or understand human reactions for the most part. They were all stubborn, the lot of them. Rebels with a capital 'R.' Not a single one of them was willing to accept Bodhi's answer and the man in question wasn't about to offer them another one.
K considered leaving it alone and just ignoring it; Bodhi's supposed "odd" behavior didn't concern him all that much and since the pilot was obviously still walking and functional he didn't need the droid hovering around him either. It wasn't until they all separated to handle the unloading and reloading of their cargo that K began to understand the other's earlier concerns.
Cassian pulled K-2 aside before they left, his dark eyes flickering toward their pilot. "Keep an eye on him, alright?" he requested quietly, his expression troubled. "We'll be back as soon as we can with the rest of the cargo but just keep an eye on him until then."
The droid just shrugged at the request. "Alright." It wasn't an unreasonable request and it certainly wasn't the first time Cassian had asked that of him (the captain was the worst when it came to being overprotective of his wide-eyed, wiry pilot) so it didn't seem out of the ordinary now.
He watched as the captain walked across the room to where the Bodhi was already unstrapping their cargo to be unloaded. They shared a few quiet words, Cassian's hands on Bodhi's shoulders like that would somehow keep him right there and safe. When he was finished, he pressed a tender kiss to the younger man's forehead, thumb brushing a quick line across his cheekbone, before stepping away to join the others.
K watched them leave, disappearing into another section of the base to sign off on the cargo they were delivering and picking up. It was arguably much faster and easier to unload the cargo than it was to load it (which explained why there were only the two of them assigned to the task) but the droid is still a little surprised that he was the one to be partnered with Bodhi. Not that he had a problem with the pilot, he liked him just fine, but if the others were so worried about him maybe one of them should have stayed behind instead.
He shrugged and brushed it off. No way to change it now; they had a job to do and the ship wasn't going to unload itself.
He walked back to their docked ship and stepped up onto the ramp leading into the cargo hold. He found the two closest crates, scooping them up under each arm and carrying them out onto the loading dock. The dock was a large open platform in the middle of the room, big enough for large cargo and smaller ships. It was at least a story or so above the ground level which explained the need for railings and barriers around the outer edges to keep cargo and people from getting too close to the edge and falling over.
K located two more crates in the back of the ship and was walking back to the dock when he suddenly became aware that he hadn't seen Bodhi in a little over ten minutes. If he had the ability to frown, he might have. It wasn't like him to disappear like that and Cassian's earlier request nagged at him incessantly. He set down his boxes and turned back toward the ship in search of the missing pilot.
The ship was empty and there was no trace of him on the loading dock. Okay, this was slightly problematic. The droid circled the front of the ship, scanning the room for any sign of his friend. He was beginning to think he should call for assistance when he spotted him just on the other side of the ship, close to the railing and staring across the expanse of the room. There was a blank look on his face, somewhere between confusion and uncertainty, and he didn't appear to notice that K-2 was approaching him.
"There you are," the droid said by way of greeting. "We need to get back-"
That was all he got out before Bodhi turned, saw him, and took a swing. The blow was remarkably hard, a closed fist bouncing off his face plate, and it was strong enough to send him stumbling backwards against the railing while the pilot took off in the opposite direction. It's surprising for two reasons, the first of which is that he didn't see it coming and the second is that Bodhi is apparently much stronger than he ever gave him credit for.
Confused by the reaction but unperturbed by the blow, he straightened, turned in the direction Bodhi fled, and followed him. There were only so many places he could go in the loading dock and a large, circular room wasn't that difficult to navigate.
He finds him less than five minutes later standing in front of a locked door that led to another part of the station. It's almost like he's trying to escape.
Bodhi hears K-2 approaching this time and he rounds on him, dark eyes sharp and cold in a way the droid has never seen before. This wasn't the Bodhi he knew. "You stay away from me," the pilot growls, back pressed against the wall like a cornered animal. "I'm not going back."
The droid cocks his head to the side in confusion. "What are you going on about?"
"I'm not going back," Bodhi repeats, eyes narrowing a little as he speaks. His teeth are clenched and the muscles in his jaw are clamped and rigid. He's holding something in his left hand that K-2 belatedly realizes is a wrench. It's gripped tightly in his hand, knuckles white, and it's clear he plans to use the tool as a weapon if he has to.
"Well you have to come back," the droid tells him simply, still not sure what to make of this situation. He has no idea what's going on with their suddenly fearful, combative pilot and he's really beginning to wish Cassian had deemed it necessary to fill him in on some of these details. "We're certainly not leaving without you."
Bodhi shakes his head vehemently, gripping his wrench a bit tighter. "I'm done with the Empire," he grinds out between clenched teeth, his voice low and venomous. "I'd rather die than go back to them."
"The Empire?" K-2 questions, more confused than ever by this turn of events. "Why in the world would you think I'm taking you back to the Empire?"
That catches Bodhi off guard and he hesitates, frowning but still strung tight and wary. "You're an Imperial droid," he says simply as if that explains this entire thing.
"Yes," the droid agrees with a slight nod. "And you're an ex-Imperial pilot. I'm glad we've cleared this up."
"Ex-Imperial…" Bodhi breathes, shaking his head in confusion. He looks back up at K-2, eyebrows knitting together in a small crease. The wrench comes up but it doesn't look like Bodhi's sure what he wants to do with it anymore. "So...you're not here to take me back to the Empire?" he asks warily, dark eyes darting across the droid's expressionless face.
K-2's shoulders slump in defeat and he drops his hands. "Once again, why in the world would I be taking you back the Empire?"
The pilot shakes his head again and lets out a low, shuddering breath. "I thought that's why you were here."
"No," K tells him with the barest hint of exasperation. Honestly, what is going on? "We're here to unload the cargo from the back of the ship so the others can reload it once they return."
"Cassian, Jyn," K says, hoping the names will somehow break Bodhi out of whatever this is. "The rest of our crew."
"I'm not sure why you keep repeating me," the droid says with a long sigh. "Yes, our crew. We're in the middle of a delivery and pick up for the Alliance." Upon the pilot's slightly blank stares, K looks at him, really looks at him, and tilts his head to the side a bit. "Do you honestly not remember?"
It all seems to click in a split second and Bodhi's entire demeanor changes with it. He no longer looks guarded and wary but obviously relieved and maybe a little disoriented still. He visibly deflates, his grip on the wrench loosening a little. "No, I mean, yeah, sorry...I just…" he shakes his head and passes a hand over his eyes. He looks exhausted and stretched too thin all at once. "I just forgot for a moment, that's all."
Once again, if K had the ability to frown he would have. Hard. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asks, suddenly very aware of how the others had been treating Bodhi all afternoon. Maybe their reactions hadn't been so strange after all.
The pilot nods once and offers him a small, hesitant smile. "I'm alright," he assures him, straightening a little for emphasis. "These kinds of things happen to me sometimes and well…" he fades off, shrugging helplessly and gesturing around the room with one wrench-less hand
The droid's silvery eyes are boring into him then, trying to determine the meaning of his gestures and words. He's heard Cassian talk about Bodhi's episode before but he had never seen one happen. Not until now. It's...troubling to say the least.
Bodhi shifts uncomfortably, very aware of the droid's focus on him. "We should, uh…" he gestures back toward their ship and the cargo. "We should get back to the ship."
"Yes, we should," K agrees finally with a bit of hesitation. He's still not sure what just happened or if Bodhi is completely in touch with reality and himself at the moment. "Are you going to hit me with that wrench?"
Bodhi looks at the tool/weapon in his hand and smiles sheepishly. "No," he says, tucking it in his pocket to prove that he's not planning to use it against the droid. "That was only when I thought you had come to bring me back to the Empire."
K shakes his head once. "I have never had the desire or the reason to do such a thing, Bodhi Rook. Returning you to the Empire would deprive us of your skill and expertise. And your company is preferable to loneliness I suppose." It's the closest thing he gets to calling Bodhi a friend and it's a very progressive step for him. "But if you punch me again I might reconsider."
Bodhi offers him another sheepish smile. "I'm sorry about that."
"I'm over it," K tells him, nodding back toward the ship. He's already decided to have a long, in depth discussion about this with Cassian and the sooner the others get back, the better. "Let's finish unloading our cargo."
Cassian wakes up to the sound of struggling. It's a quiet battle at first, the sound of sheets and blankets and fabric being pulled and knotted as it's victim became more and more entangled. It became more violent as the moments passed though, soft sounds of distress becoming muffled sobs and quiet murmurs. He sits up and turns on the light, turning to face his struggling pilot.
Bodhi is hopelessly tangled in the bedsheets, thin fabric looped around his legs and waist. His dark hair has come loose from the ponytail he'd tied it in before bed and it sticks to sweat-damp skin as he continues to fight. He's not awake yet, not fully, his eyes glassy and unfocused as he continues to fight more violently to release himself.
It's a nightmare, Cassian recognizes that almost instantly, and he reaches out carefully to soothe the frantic younger man. "Bodhi," he says softly, keeping his voice quiet and gentle to keep from spooking the pilot. "Stop struggling, love, you'll just make it worse."
His fingertips brush against Bodhi's shoulder, just barely ghosting over his skin, and the other man freezes instantly. His eyes snap open fully, wide and alert, and he looks around the room in disoriented terror. There's no recognition, no familiarity; Bodhi looks around the room like he's never seen it before. Cassian doesn't have a chance to react before the pilot is vaulting over him and bolting from the room.
The captain curses and takes off after him, cutting around the corner a split second after Bodhi does. Their apartment is not that big but Bodhi is 100% in fight or flight mode and he's afraid that in his frenzied state he'll hurt himself by accident.
He comes into the main living area a split second after Bodhi does and sees the younger man making a break for the nearest window. Cassian reacts without thinking, closing the space between them in two steps and catching Bodhi around the waist. They both go down in a tangle of limbs and bones and it's a painful landing but if it keep Bodhi from jumping out the window Cassian doesn't care.
He lands on his back with Bodhi on top of him and there's an instant fight to get loose. The pilot struggles against him violently, elbows and fists and clawed fingers everywhere. Cassian curses again and sits up, pulling the struggling pilot up with him. He manages to get hold of both of Bodhi's arms and pins them to his sides, wrapping his own arms around him to keep him from lashing out again. He wrestles Bodhi into his lap, bear hugging the smaller man to his chest and wrapping both arms around him tightly to keep him from flailing.
"Bodhi, stop!" he growls, voice close and loud beside the pilot's ear. "You're safe! It's okay!"
It seems to have the desired effect and Bodhi stops struggling almost instantly, going still and rigid in Cassian's arms. The adrenaline is still coursing through him though, leaving him a stiff, shaky bundle of nerves and anxiety. He blinks and shudders and lets out a rough, shaky breath. "Cassian…?" he asks finally, voice breathless and a little unsure. "What...where are we?"
The captain sighs in relief and buries his face against the younger man's neck. He presses a gentle kiss to the side of Bodhi's throat but he doesn't release him. "We're home," he tells him quietly, resting his chin in the crook between Bodhi's shoulder and his neck. "We're home."
Bodhi is still stiff and on edge, fingers digging into Cassian's legs absently. He hasn't tried to run again but he's not completely relaxed either. He hasn't had an episode like this in months; they were getting fewer and farther between with each passing day and he thought he was finally done with them. Tonight had been the first time in nearly three and half months that he had slipped and to be honest it was more than a little jarring.
The pilot finally begins to relax after another few minutes passes, his memories coming back little by little. Cassian's arms are still tight around him and he feels himself sink against him a bit more, tight muscles loosening as reality continues to seep back in. He looks around the room slowly, taking in the details like he's committing them back to memory. He frowns a little then, eyebrows knitting together in the center. "Why are we in the living room…?"
Confident he's not about to bolt for the window again, Cassian removes one of his arms from its restraining bear hug around the pilot and reaches up to brush an errant strand of hair away from Bodhi's face. "You were trying to escape," he tells him and he's not sure if that's supposed to sound funny or not.
Bodhi frowns in momentary confusion before making a soft "oh" sound in realization. He sighs, shakes his head a little, and slumps back against Cassian in silent apology. An apology for running or what happened or damn near giving Cassian a heart attack, he's not sure.
"Can you tell me what happened?" the captain asks quietly, keeping the smaller man bracketed in his arms loosely. He doesn't want him to feel trapped for fear of spooking him again but he's not ready to let him go either. The window is still much too close and Bodhi is still too raw and jumpy.
Bodhi is silent for a moment, slipping his fingers in between Cassian's hand squeezing lightly. "I didn't recognize you for a second," he tells him honestly, the words layered with embarrassment and shame. "I was dreaming and when I woke up I couldn't remember where I was or who you were or…" he shakes his head and sighs heavily. "So I ran. I just reacted out of instinct and I ran."
Cassian nods slowly. He'd figured as much but he needed confirmation before he accepted it as fact. Bodhi seemed more coherent now but he needed to be sure. "You know where you are now, though. Yes?"
A single nod. "I'm home," Bodhi says, repeating Cassian's earlier statement. "With you." "I'm safe."
Cassian smiles softly and holds him close, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. "I'll always keep you safe, beloved."
"I'll remember that," the pilot tells him with a small smile. He squeezes Cassian's hand and sinks back against him again, concentrating on his warmth and solidity. He's safe here with him, he knows that. He's home.