Actions

Work Header

Discovery

Chapter Text

“Stop hogging the internet, Kurlzz!”
“Use your phone for Twitter”, Da Kurlzz waved him off.
Charlie snatched the laptop out of his hands. “You’re the one who lives on Twitter. I wanna check the comments on our interviews.”
The screamer leaned over Charlie’s shoulder to watch along. Some interview from a long time ago played on the screen and he frowned confused. “Why don’t you take a much more recent one?”
“Because those only have a couple of comments, moron”, Charlie replied with an annoyed sound worse enough to make the other shrink a little and zip his mouth shut. The rapper scrolled through the comments and smiled. “Yeah! They love me.”
“What about me?” the drummer asked.
He tilted the screen so he could read along and looked for a comment about himself. “Yeah! They’re calling me an adorable dork.”
“Awesome”, Charlie chuckled and he scrolled down. Then he froze and scrolled back up again. “Wait what?”

“What is it?”
“They’re talking about us.”
“What are they saying?” Da Kurlzz whined.
Charlie raised an eyebrow and read aloud. “I totally ship them.”
Da Kurlzz leaned in some more to read it himself, as if he didn’t believe what the other was telling him. “What does that even mean?”
“Let’s read and find out”, Charlie suggested and he clicked to show all replied. He read aloud one of the replies. “Me too. Both are adorable, but together… And then there’s a really weird emoticon.”
“I think it’s a penis.”
“You see penises everywhere, fag.”
Da Kurlzz chuckled. “Do you know they just told us they like it when we cuss at each other in front of the camera? We should record this.”
“No way, my life isn’t a documentary”, Charlie snorted. “Though it would show them how bad ass I am and how dorky you are.”
The screamer rolled his eyes. “Sure.” He took out his phone and waved at the camera as soon as it started recording. “Hi camera!”
“You just proved my point by doing that.”
His friend ignored the comment and filled the camera in on what they were doing. “We’re checking some comments on an old interview. People seem to be talking about Charlie and I and shipping us, but I don’t know what that means so let’s find out!”
“Maybe they worship us?” Charlie remarked.

The camera shook a little. “No way, then they’d just drool all over us. I love it when they do so.”
“Yeah, chicks dig us”, Charlie smiled. He read on and his smile melted off his face. “No way, listen! ‘Did you read that fanfic? Charlie will always be his bitch, no matter how tough he claims to be’. What a bitch!”
“She says you’re the bitch, Charles. MY bitch”, The drummer burst out laughing.
The bandana rapper grumbled. “I wanna see for myself what these fanfics are!”
He typed their names followed by ‘fanfic’ and clicked on one of the results. The screen turned white with a warning in huge letters. “Adult themes. Please log in to view this.”
Da Kurlzz quit laughing. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. What do people write about us?”
“Obviously porn.”
“With girls, right?”
“Dude… You’re my bitch.”
Charlie widened his eyes. “God no! They meant it like that?! Ew!”
There was a silence when he continued. “Let’s click on another one.”

“Try Charlie’s Angel!” the other suggested.
Charlie nodded and did as he was asked. “Oh crap, YOU are my angel?”
Da Kurlzz grinned. “Look. Deuce wants to kill us but I bet we’ll win because of the power of love, right?”
The bandana rapper very slowly turned his head to his friend with a very disturbed expression. “Could you be more gay?”
“You saved me out of the fire, Charles. I’ll thank you with a blowjob”, the drummer mocked and chuckled at his own joke.
Charlie gulped. “I’m gonna have to scrub my eyes clean to let that image disappear. I don’t even… This blows.”
“Wrong choice of words. Don’t they know you’re married?”
“I don’t think they care”, the rapper expressed in disgust. “Let’s try another one.”
Soon they found a lot more interesting stories in which they were most definitely paired up. Some of these sites you didn’t even need to log in to read the mature content. Charlie opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He eyed the page and turned his head. His friend made sure not to lean on his shoulder anymore since any form of contact reminded him of those stories. “I feel dirty now.”

“Are you kidding? I’m the one who gets… Wait, you put WHAT in my WHAT? That doesn’t go in there! God, no. Nothing should ever enter that!” Charlie complained and he looked down at his crotch. “They’re just violating me!”
“They’re making me kinda awesome, so who cares?”
Charlie smacked his head. “You’re butt fucking me!” he yelled, earning a very wicked, disturbed face from Danny.
“None of your business!” Charlie spat and Danny scurried outside. “Great! Now Danny thinks we’re gay.”
The drummer grinned. “It’s ironic. You behave like the dominant one, but you are the submissive one in the bedroom.”
“Shut up! They’re just stories!” Charlie whined, his head flaring red in embarrassment.
Da Kurlzz took the laptop and scrolled down. “Would you look at that!”
“What?”
“Warning: BDSM.”
Charlie didn’t reply. His face told enough.
“The fans are enjoying themselves with us”, Da Kurlzz whistled.
The bandana rapper growled and clicked on it. His scowl turned into a shit-eating grin as he read it. “But I’m not the one getting whipped, you kinky asshole!”

The other’s laughter faltered into a gaze of pure terror and panic. “No way! I get whipped?”
The rapper scrolled down. “Hot damn and cuffed too. You seem to like it from what I see in your dialogues!”
Da Kurlzz turned red and went on to a different story. “We’re not reading that one anymore!”
Charlie eyed one other story. “Warning: rape, violence.”
“You get raped”, Da Kurlzz chuckled.
“Or you get raped”, the other argued.
They clicked it to find out. Both swallowed. “So uhm… Charlie the rapper became Charlie the rapist?”
“That’s so wrong, but at least I’m not the one enjoying rape.”
Da Kurlzz smacked the laptop closed. “Truce, OK? No more stories.”

Charlie agreed. “I can’t believe our fans write porn about us.”
“They’d never see us do that so I guess they write about it.”
“Who knows. You were pretty dark in one of those fics.”
“Stop it”, the drummer complained.
The bandana rapper put down the computer and got up. “Well. I’m gonna get something to eat. Wanna come?”
Da Kurlzz grimaced. “Don’t you ever ask me that again. It’s got such a dirty meaning now.”
The other rolled his eyes and got outside with him, both chattered away about anything else than those gross stories. Da Kulzz forgot his phone was still standing on the table, recording everything that had happened.
A couple of minutes later Johnny walked up to the laptop. “Guys?”
No reply came. “Guys! Next time you use it, turn it off!”

He sighed, shook his head and sat down. He took the computer in his lap and opened it. The page opened to the rape fanfic. Johnny’s eyes widened and he threw it off his lap. “OH MY GOD EWW!”
When Charlie and Da Kurlzz got back, they wondered why Johnny was eyeing them suspiciously. He always seemed to get dizzy whenever he saw them together. They never found out why and neither did the other band members. Except for Danny. few weeks later the video was uploaded to the internet. Charlie and Da Kurlzz got pissed at each other for uploading it, but neither of them did so. Then who uploaded the video? Johnny sure didn’t, because he was on it. His reaction in disgust was on it. Who uploaded it?

Danny hummed a nice song as he checked the comments on his video. Most of them were funny. They were all laughing at the three terrific reactions on fanfiction. This was exactly what the fans had been waiting for. What did they think of fanfiction on themselves? Now there was an even bigger reason for the fans to write it. “That’s what you get for yelling at me, Charlie”, Danny said, grinning to himself.

Chapter Text

Around 2am everyone was asleep except for one lead singer who couldn’t manage to fall asleep. He tossed and turned in his bed for hours but it just didn’t work out. A few minutes later he found the perfect position and fell asleep. Only to wake up later out of a nightmare. He bit his lip and looked around the bunks part. “Anyone awake?” he whispered.

“Yeah”, Funny Man replied underneath him. “Can’t sleep. It’s so hot in here.”

Danny jumped out of his bunk.

“What are you doing?”

“Gonna watch some television or something. You coming?” Danny offered.

Funny Man got up and followed him in his boxers. Luckily the others were asleep. The image of two sneaking men in boxers could go terribly wrong. The lead singer flopped down on the couch. The Mexican wobbled around. “I can’t see shit here. Where’s the couch? Over here?”

“Dude! Get the fuck off of me!” Danny grumbled.

Funny Man quickly got up again. “Tell no one I just sat in your lap, got it?”

“Got it”, the other chuckled and grabbed the computer. “Let’s watch some shit.”

The youngest of the two took the computer, lied down comfortable and told the other to lie down next to him. “I’m not gonna watch some shit sitting upright, dude.”

“You’re right.”

“What would you like to see?” Funny Man asked.

Danny hummed as he thought about it. “Type our names once just for fun. I like to see the results sometimes.”

Funny Man typed both their names after one another, using his own artist name of course instead of his actual name. Most results were plain and simple. Some led to their Twitter pages, few to a Wikia page.

“What’s Archive Of Our Own?”

“Let’s find out”, Danny suggested and he clicked on it. “It’s a story called ‘I Just Want A Minute Here’ about us. This person wrote a story on us.”

Funny Man started reading and grinned. “I’m a secret nerd?”

“A mean one too. You’re forcing me to read or leave”, the lead singer scoffed as he scrolled down some more. His eyes widened when he read a certain sentence. “Uh we kiss?”

Funny Man raised an eyebrow. “Where?”

“It says right here that you kiss me”, Danny said, pointing the cursor at the sentence. The Mexican chuckled. “Alright!”

“And I call my wife right after, really? They involve my wife?”

“Don’t complain. They involved my ex.”

Danny flushed red. “J-Dog says my wife is kinky because she doesn’t object to our kissing.”

By the time Danny had finished his sentence, Funny Man was laughing so hard no sound was coming out of his mouth anymore. He just sat there, clapping like a retarded seal and occasionally gasping for breath like a fish. Danny smacked his head. “They’re pairing us up, you idiot!”

Funny Man wiped the tears out of his eyes and swung his arm around Danny’s shoulders as they both sat upright now. The lead singer huffed and folded his arms. “Stop it. It’s not funny. I don’t like that they neglect the fact that I’m married.”

“I love it. I love this ‘fanfiction’ as they call it. I love that story and others we might find. I absolutely love this. Find another one!”

Danny rolled his eyes and slightly leaned into the contact as his friend was actually really warm against his cold skin. “What about this one? It’s a story in which you’re a virgin.”

Funny Man laughed sharply and stopped to look at the screen. “You were serious? They wrote about me as a virgin? That’s awesome.”

“You think all of these are awesome?” Danny asked skeptically.

The other nodded and took the computer into his own lap to scroll down. “Of course it’s Charlie who mocks me for being a virgin. I kinda like this one.”

“Next chapter please.”

Charlie yawned as he awoke to the sound of the pair on the couch watching some shit. He jumped out of his bunk, trying not to wake anyone.

“Wait what? I’m a real pussy in this story, what the hell?”

Danny clapped his hands. “Awesome! I’m so dark!”

Charlie shook his head to wake himself as his mind was still groggy. He scratched his head and wobbled to the bathroom, stopping himself to listen to the guys.

Funny Man clicked the next chapter because he didn’t like the way his own persona was displayed in that story. The third chapter got better. It was immediate action. He grinned but Danny shielded his eyes. “I’m trying to rape you, aren’t I?”

“No, I’m enjoying your attempt to get with me. We’re making out.”

Charlie peaked his head out to see what was going on and was relieved to find them sitting close to each other rather than see them making out. “Who’s making out with who?” he dared to ask.

Funny Man closed the computer as if he was caught watching porn. “No one. What are you doing up?”

“I had to piss a take.”

“You mean take a piss?”

“What did I say?”

“Never mind”, Funny Man sighed and put the laptop on the table in front of them. Charlie shrugged and disappeared into the bathroom. Danny leaned over to get the laptop again but the Mexican held him back. “Charlie’s still in the bathroom.”

“I don’t care! I wanna read on now that the others are still asleep.”

He managed to break free from Funny’s grip, but the younger one soon latched both arms around his waist and pulled him back, causing him to fall over into his lap.

Charlie entered and looked at them, suddenly wide awake. “Uh, try not to rape each other here, OK?”

Danny stilled and turned his head to his older friend. “It’s not what it looks like!”

“Frankly, I don’t care, Danny. Not since I’ve kissed Johnny. You can do whatever you like with each other. It’s none of my damn business.”

He left as the lead singer’s face had reddened as he spoke. Funny Man looked at him suggestively. “We could kinda~”

“No. I have a wife.”

“And I have a dog so who cares? No one will know! Johnny and Charlie have a wife too.”

Danny swallowed, feeling warm all of the sudden, and looked at the computer. “Let’s read on.”

Funny Man shrugged, took the computer back in his lap and opened it up. The lead singer’s skin wasn’t cold anymore. He felt scorching hot and could feel the sweat gathering on his forehead. He bit his lip and looked for another story.

“They really write stories about all of us paired up.”

Danny nodded, not really listening as his skin was burning up in the spots he was touching Funny’s. Meaning: his whole shoulder. “L-let’s just go back to bed.”

“Why? I thought you wanted to read on?”

“No, I’m tired”, he lied and feigned a yawn.

The Mexican frowned. “Is it because I suggested we’d hook up? Forget it, Danny. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Danny chuckled in a short, raw and unamused way. “I think it’s more of a problem that I do want to, but I’m not a cheater. Trouble comes of this, Funny. Honestly, Johnny and Charlie~”

Funny Man cut off Danny’s rant by crashing their lips together. He put the computer down and let one hand rest on Danny’s waist while the other held his throat tenderly.

When they broke free Danny widened his eyes. “Oh God, what have I done?”

“I didn’t think it was bad”, Funny said, making an approving face.

The lead singer rubbed his face. “Me neither but I just cheated!”

“You wanna call your wife?” Funny Man mocked, making Danny laugh despite his objection. “Cut it out. This was a one time thing, ok?”

“Of course it was”, the Mexican replied, letting Danny get up and walk back to the bunks. “Until you come back and want more”, he murmured to himself with a grin. He just couldn’t help but mess with their little lead singer.

Chapter Text

“So”, J-Dog said as he sat down on the couch. His blue masked friend was flipping through channels on the television in his house. The two decided to hang out after they’d been home for a week after touring.

“So”, Johnny sighed in response, knowing the other wanted something off his chest. He always played the same game. He’d pretend he didn’t know the other wanted to say something about something serious and waited until he would just spill it already. He liked to think of himself as a down to business kind of guy.

“Did you know there are like… These stories about. About us. Doing things”, J-Dog stammered awkwardly. He looked away, his face completely red.

Johnny turned off the television and put the remote on the table with a deep sigh as if he was trying to teach the piano to a retarded dog. “You mean Fanfiction?”

“What?!”

“You mean Fanfiction”, he repeated, emphasis on the word.

J-Dog opened his mouth, closed it again and frowned. “How do you know the name of those things?”

“I read them”, the blue masked rapper said with a smile. “I like reading so I read Fanfictions occasionally.”

His friend dropped his jaw. “You read our very own porn?”

“Porn? What are you calling porn?!” Johnny asked, slightly offended. He folded his arms in a childish manner. “I like those stories. Some of them are really well written.”

“Johnny. They’re writing explicit sex about us”, J-Dog said sternly.

As if someone had tried to fist his face, his smile melted. “Fanfiction about US? I knew what Fanfiction was, but I didn’t know it was about us.”

“Yeah. They’re coupling you and me”, J-Dog said.

The blue masked rapper squinted his eyes. “How do you know that? Have you been looking us up?”

His friend widened his eyes and his lips pursed into a thin line. “It was just a joke. I mean it.”

“What happened?” Johnny asked with a sigh.

J-Dog moved his hands suggestively, but when he realized how silly it looked, he just clapped them together. “I was hanging out with Charlie and we were fooling around on the internet and we came across these fanfictions.”

“What happened in them?” Johnny grunted, suddenly not such a big fan of those fanfictions anymore. He made a mental note to find out who wrote those stories on him and send them either a very angry e-mail with a demand of removal or sue them.

J-Dog shrugged. “Basically just you buttfucking me.”

“So I’m still the seme?” Johnny asked with a smirk.

“The what?”

“The seme. Japanese term for the dominant one in a relationship. You’d be the uke.”

“Yeah, that thing”, J-Dog replied confused. “I don’t mind if they write about me in a submissive position, really. It’s just a story.”

“Were there others about us?” Johnny asked.

“Funny you should ask”, J-Dog said with a nervous laugh. “I uh. I found one in which you’re a bandwhore basically.”

The blue masked rapper exploded in a mass of guts, frowns and blood everywhere on the walls. I’m joking, he didn’t. He might as well have exploded into a million pieces when he burst out. “IM A BANDWHORE?”

“Yeah, I know! But it wasn’t like. It wasn’t a fuck-whore. It was a cuddle whore. Like. You hated hugging any of us and we were teasing you by intentionally cuddling you”, J-Dog explained.

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like they just mistook me for Danny.”

“Yeah, Danny really hugs everyone all the time”, the other endorsed.

The blue masked rapper thought about it. “Is there anyone of us who hasn’t had Danny standing at the edge of our bed, looking all cute and sweaty, claiming he had a nightmare, needed love and had nowhere to go?”

J-Dog smiled. “Da Kurlzz has never slept in the same bed as him.”

“Who has slept in the same bed with Danny the most?” Johnny asked.

“I think Charlie has”, his friend pondered.

The blue masked rapper shrugged. “Charlie’s really huggable I guess. He gets touchy feely when he’s drunk.”

“But he’s sober when Danny’s standing at the end of his bed.”

“Danny’s too cute to resist”, Johnny said sternly. He cracked a smile. “I can’t believe I just called him cute.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t record that”, J-Dog laughed.

The blue masked rapper shook his head. “We’ve got crazy fans if they write that about us.”

“Didn’t we already know they were crazy?” his friend smiled.

He nodded in response. “Charlie must’ve cracked up when he read those stories.”

“Yeah. Get this. He caught Funny Man and Danny checking out some Fanfictions but he didn’t know what it was back then and they acted out on it”, J-Dog expressed in disgust.

Johnny remained silent.

The other suddenly realized how suggestive it sounded and closed his mouth.

“I didn’t mean that we…”

“Yeah, I know. I get it.”

“I mean. I’d never…with you…”

“Yeah, yeah, me neither.”

“I have a fiancé.”

“I have a wife and kid.”

“Still. Danny does too”, J-Dog said, regretting he had opened his mouth about it. Now he sounded like he was trying to convince Johnny to make out with him. “I just wanted to share that Fanny is a real thing now.”

“What? But Danny’s got a wife?”

“It’s nothing serious. They just kissed and Theresa’s ok with it because she trusts Danny to stay with her. Is that a bad thing or a good thing?”

“It’s a fucked up thing”, Johnny said. “Just as fucked up as calling me a bandwhore.”

“Everyone knows Danny would be the bandwhore. That kid gets everything done by saying please and pouting”, J-Dog sighed.

A moment of silence.

“I am so glad Danny’s not here to hear us call him a whore.”

“I am so glad no one’s here to laugh at us for the fanfiction stories.”

“Just wait until you see Charlie”, J-Dog warned. “He’s all warmed up for dissing you about it.”

Chapter Text

“Oh shit, yeah here comes Johnny. He’s popping… a can of soda on my fucking carpet. Dude, my carpet!” Charlie moaned. He ran into the kitchen and came back with a towel to rub over the liquid.

“Classic Charlie and Johnny. One of them on his knees complaining about wet sticky stuff the other’s spilling”, Danny grinned.

Charlie got up and waved the towel at him. “You watch your mouth, Dannyboy.”

“Yes, mom”, the lead singer said, rolling his eyes.

Johnny plumped down on the desk chair and spun around on it. “Instead of fussing about my soda, won’t you get me some chips?”

The bandana rapper glared at him. “You’ve got feet. You know where the kitchen is.”

The blue masker rapper shrugged. “I guess that’s true, but it still won’t make the chips appear in my hand.”

Now the main rapper’s eyes were really spitting fire. “You watch your mouth too.”

“Twins!” Danny cheered. He threw a small nut in the air to catch it with his mouth. Johnny wanted chips, well Danny preferred nuts. Yes, they all made a few puns about Danny liking Charlie’s nuts afterwards.

“You’ve still got Charlie’s nuts in your mouth?” Johnny asked.

Yes, the puns were still going on.

The lead singer flipped his middle finger at the other. “Fucking fuck you!”

For a moment the oldest of the three considered turning around and offering him to do so but at the last minute he decided that would be way too obscene. He turned around and faced the desk. “Hey, you still got that old desktop?”

“Yeah, that baby’s been surviving my porn viruses for eight years now”, Charlie proudly stated out of the kitchen as he was grabbing Johnny’s chips. Don’t worry, he had spit in the bowl as a way of revenge.

Johnny turned on the old desktop, pleased there was no password on it. “Dude, if this is your porn computer, I’d put up a password, man.”

“No way. I’ve got a incognito tab for that”, Charlie chuckled and handed him the bowl. His older friend took the bowl and began eating some chips. “Dude, you still hung up on Harry Potter fanfictions?”

Danny eyed the bandana rapper who seemed caught with his hand on the cookie jar. “What? What are you saying, Jonathan?”

The blue masked rapper revealed the screen. “It’s in your most used sites of Google Chrome.”

Charlie ducked his head. “Fuck you. I like good stories and Archive of Our Own provides me with good ones. So does Fanfiction dot net.”

Johnny clicked on the latter. “Let’s see. What shall we look up?”

“Do Charlie Scene!” Danny cheered.

The bandana rapper scrunched his nose. “No way there’s fanfiction about me. Who would ever have the balls to write smut on me?”

“To write what?”

“Smut.”

“What’s that?”

“Porn”, Charlie explained and the two nodded in understanding, not even questioning why he was the one who knew what it meant.

Johnny pressed enter and turned to the others. “Before we reveal the results. What do you think we’ll find, Charles P?”

The bandana rapper pretended to think really hard. “I don’t know. Some fanfiction about really hot eight-boobed succubus chick sucking me off?”

Danny and Johnny remained silent and stared at him.

“…What?”

Charlie lied on his back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. “Exactly. I wouldn’t mind getting drained by fucking a sexy demon over and over.”

“Eight fucking boobs?” Danny asked.

Johnny turned to the screen and laughed. “I’m sorry, dude, but you won’t be getting any boobs at all.”

“What?” Charlie asked. “What did you find on me?”

“Some awesome Channy fiction”, the blue masked rapper let out before he burst out laughing.

The bandana rapper shot upright at the same time when Danny leaped at the screen. “What the fuck?!”

Johnny awed aloud. “The couple’s speaking at the same time!”

The lead singer gagged. “This one is about me getting shot and Charlie confessing his love for me in the hospital room.”

Charlie took Danny’s hands in his own and pretended to swoon. “Oh my undying love, I must reveal my true feelings towards thou.”

The lead singer snatched his hands back. “I sincerely apologize, sir Charles, but I do not share thy feelings.”

“Get married already”, Johnny grumbled and scrolled through the story while the two went on swooning. “Hey! This one’s about the two of you again. It’s called Get Lucky.”

Danny pushed the blue masked rapper away with the desk chair, yes he spun, and clicked on it. He let out a shout and jumped away of the computer.

“What?” Charlie asked, looking surprised at the other.

The lead singer pointed at the screen, keeping a distance of six feet. “Get Lucky is about a horny drunk me and a horny you. At least, you suck me off.”

Johnny didn’t know where he had it anymore as he fell off the chair laughing at the horrendous face of his best friend. “I fucking suck you off?!”

“You fucking suck him off”, the blue masked rapper gasped in between a laughing fit.

“I’m done. I’ve had it. That’s fucking disgusting”, Danny said and he walked all the way across the room.

“Would you look at this one”, Charlie said with a smirk. “A story called Riddle Me This. It’s about our sweet innocent Danny running after the most bad ass rapper in the universe.”

“What does Eminem have to do with anything?” Danny asked, but when both others gave him a glare, he shut his mouth wisely.

Johnny pushed Charlie away from the screen and scrolling through. “Oh, look at this. A story about Danny and Charlie involved in a casual sex relationship.”

“What’s it called?” Danny asked.

“Push And Pull”, Johnny replied.

“More like Jerk And Twerk, am I right?” Charlie joked but when no one laughed, he folded his arms childishly and turned his back to them. “Tough crowd.”

“These are priceless”, Johnny said, wiping a tear of laughter out of his eye. He let out a sigh. “I’m really gonna give you guys a hard time swallowing this defeat.”

“Charlie’s the one who swallows. He blew me, remember?” Danny asked with a smirk.

The bandana rapper rolled his eyes. “Giving us a hard time? You mispronounced hard on.”

“Desperate much”, Johnny murmured and closed the window. He got up and stretched. “As funny as that was, Asia’s waiting for me.”

“I really need to get that app on my phone that makes that whip noise”, Charlie noted to himself.

The blue masked rapper flipped them the finger before he left by himself. That left Danny and Charlie alone in the most awkward silence ever.

“How about you and I…”

“No”, Danny said.

“I was going to say ‘read a fanfiction’ but ok.”

The lead singer chuckled and touched his shoulder. “I’ll have to go too.”

“I’ll see you to the door”, Charlie said and he led Danny outside. As soon as the door closed, he ran to his computer and saved the site. “Shit, this imaginary Charlie Scene might be able to teach me how to seduce that cute ass motherfucker.”

He looked up to see if there was no one around who could hear him, then smirked to himself. “One day…”

Chapter Text

Deuce’s house

 

“You’re so shitfaced. Can you stand?”

“Yeaaa”, the man replied. He put his hands underneath him and tried to push himself up but rolled on his side. “Nooooooooooo.”

Deuce shook his head. “Seriously, Gadjet?”

“Yes, seriously, Doce”, his friend replied, pulling his knees up. He couldn’t even pronounce his nickname right anymore.

“Tell me your name and I won’t bother you with it anymore.”

The younger one squinted his eyes tightly shut and thought about it. “Tooo. Toonyy. They call me Big Deuce!”

“No, that’s me. You fucking moron”, Deuce expressed annoyed, rubbing his face. He pulled his friend’s arm but the other had different plans. He snatched him back and made him fall over on top of him. “Dude, what are you trying to do?”

“Dis is comfort…comf. U kno wat ah mean.”

Deuce pushed himself off of him and eyed him suspiciously. “You trying to fuck with me?”

“Da hell do u fink ah am. A sissy fag lik Danny?”

“Why would you start talking about Danny? What the hell, Gadjet. I left Hollywood Undead six years ago”, the ex-lead singer scowled.

Gadjet stumbled upright. “N still u pissie bout it.”

“Fuck off. I don’t need this shit from you. Weren’t you supposed to be my friend?” the older one scolded.

Gadjet put his hands in the air. “M sorry. So sensiti- sensi-… bout Danny. U luv em?”

“God, just shut up, dude”, Deuce rolled his eyes and sat down on his desk chair. He turned around to his computer where they’d been watching crazy video’s just a few minutes ago. “And get your ass over here.”

“Get ur drunk ass ova here lets bone!” he sung and sat down next to Deuce. The ex-lead singer smacked him across the face. He gripped his jaw. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“I heard a slap across the face makes people sober up. Now what’s your name?”

“Fucking Tony. That shit hurt, dude. You practically broke my jaw.”

“Sure. What did you rap about in Walk The Walk again? Oh right. You’re a masochist who got herpes on purpose? Don’t be a real life wuss, Gadjet.”

“I’ll show you wuss!” the guy yelled and dived after Deuce. “Cut it out!”

The two calmed down and sat down next to each other. “What should I look up?”

“Look up your name followed by Danny. I wanna see if people think you two hate each other”, Gadjet grinned, still drunk as fuck but his slur wasn’t as disturbing anymore.

Deuce rolled his eyes but looked it up anyway. “Look, they’re saying Danny seems afraid to say anything about me because he’d get the hate of my fans.”

Gadjet hid a smile. “And Charlie reacted by saying ‘what fans?’. That dude is so mean.”

“I know, but Johnny’s the meanest. Seriously, he’s scary as fuck. I wonder if he’s chewing Danny up as well. Probably.”, Deuce shuddered.

“What’s a fanfiction?” Gadjet asked, eyes glued to the screen.

“Where?”

“Right there.”

Deuce clicked on it. “It looks like a story.”

“Why is there an ‘x’ between your names?” Gadjet asked.

“Maybe it’s replacing ‘vs’ in this story?” Deuce asked.

He scrolled down. “Why does it say ‘Danny and Deuce do the thing’? Is that code for fighting or something?”

“Let’s find out!” His younger friend chimed.

He clicked on the story and scrolled down some more. “This work could have adult content”, he read aloud. “Probably swearing or fighting. Possible death maybe”, he thought and the other nodded in agreement. Gadjet’s eyes grew wide when he began reading some of it aloud. “It was almost enough to push him over the edge, and he could already feel himself leaking all over his partner's hand.”

“What the fuck!” Deuce yelled, jumping out of his chair, making it fall over. He quickly clicked on the red ‘x’ in the corner. He made a face. “Why the fuck would anyone write that.”

“I bet Danny wrote it.”

“Let’s find out!” Deuce growled. He angrily typed the number of the lead singer and pressed on the green phone on his screen.

 

Hollywood Undead’s tourbus

 

“Knock it off, Danny”, Johnny begged when the lead singer was aiming to reflect the light on his phone into the blue masked rapper’s eyes. Lately he’d been fixated on teasing their grumpy friend because it was just so easy to do! He stuck out his tongue in concentration but when Johnny got up angrily and stomped towards him, he slid his phone in his pocket with wide, innocent eyes. “What did I do wrong?”

The blue masked rapper pinched the bridge of his nose. “One day those eyes will kill me.”

Danny wriggled his eyebrows. “I’m sexy and I know it!”

Charlie lost it and laughed. He was sitting in front of Danny and watched Johnny lose his shit first, then calm down because no one could ever resist his big hazel eyes. Innocence was easy to fake. J-Dog flicked Danny’s head with his finger. “Stop manipulating.”

“I wasn’t doing anything!”

“Those eyes may work on everyone, but not on me.”

“And not on me!” Funny Man growled but when the lead singer turned towards him, he caved. “Ok, maybe a little bit.”

“Not on me, it doesn’t”, Da Kurlzz murmured, not even bothering to look up from his phone. “Probably because I have no interest at looking into your eyes. Explain yourselves, Johnny, Funny and Charlie.”

“Look at that muffin. That’s my explanation”, Funny Man said.

Charlie put up his hands. “Hey, Danny’s just my friend, ok? Eyes are my weakness.”

Johnny shrugged. “Danny’s mine.”

“What?!” came five replies.

“My weakness, you perverted minds!” Johnny growled. It was true. He had a weak spot for the lead singer. That’s why they never ever fought and always got along on stage. Danny even checked up on him when he fell off the stage.

On this wonderful evening nothing could go wrong. Until Danny got a phone call.

“Danny speaking.”

“Yo fuckboy.”

“I’m hanging up on you”, Danny sighed and almost pressed the red button, but Deuce stopped him. “No, it’s important. It’s not for a roast or anything.”

“What’s so important?”

“Did you write a story about us?”

“What? I can draw, not write, you moron. I knew you never really paid attention to me when I was touring with you but to forget something I’m constantly doing?”

“Yeah yeah, sorry. Forget about it.”

Danny bit his lip. “What story actually?”

“Some sort of fanfiction about us fucking”, Deuce replied, suddenly feeling awkward. Why did he call the lead singer for that? It only made this so much more embarrassing. Gadjet next to him in laughter wasn’t helping either.

Danny blushed. “Who would write that?”

Charlie elbowed Da Kurlzz. “I think he found Fanfiction on himself with someone.”

“I’m betting they’re pairing him up with you”, Da Kurlzz whispered, then turned to his phone again. The bandana rapper folded his arms. “Thanks a lot. You think I’d fuck anyone, don’t you?”

Johnny, Funny Man and J-Dog turned their attention to Charlie. “What?”

“Nothing!” the bandana rapper hissed.

Danny waved his hand at him to tell him to be more quiet. “What did you say? Charlie was being a pussy.”

“Ain’t he always a pussy? Anyway, I don’t know who wrote it, but it’s a horrible violation of my privacy!”

“And not of mine?” Danny growled into his phone. “Stop thinking about yourself!”

“Gadjet, shut up!” Deuce called out, then turned to his phone again. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, stop thinking about your- wait, is Gadjet with you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You just read a porn story with him? How the hell did you even find a sex scene about us?” Danny asked.

Deuce remained silent. “Let’s forget these last seconds.”

The lead singer chuckled. “Why? Because Gadjet’s balls deep inside of you?”

The five members stared at him blankly. “What the fuck?”

The ex-lead singer sputtered an excuse. “No! For the record; I would be balls deep inside of him, ok?”

“You’re not making it any better”, Danny told him.

Deuce groaned and let his head hit the desk in front of him before he spoke again. “We need to do something about that story though, ok?”

“No. It’s just a story, Deuce. Don’t let a story bother you so much. This is exactly why you can’t handle criticism.”

Charlie held his fist out before his mouth. “Burn, bitch!”

“Why is he even talking to Deuce?” Johnny moped.

Danny sighed. “Johnny, stop being a jealous fuck. I’ll give you attention again in five minutes.”

There was a silence on the other side of the line when Deuce reacted. “Johnny wants your attention? Really? Back in my days he wanted to be left alone and he was a huge mean guy.”

The lead singer pursed his lips. “He’s still a huge guy but inside he’s all mush and pudding. You just have to know how to crack the shell. He’s like an egg.”

Deuce laughed. “Good one. You were saying I should leave the story for what it was? Why?”

“Freedom of speech, man. They’re just our names. It’s not like they photo shopped pictures of us”, Danny joked.

The ex-lead singer froze. “I’m not so sure about that. Let me check before you say that again.”

“I sure hope you’re deleting your browser history sometime soon”, the current lead singer sighed.

Funny Man pointed at him. “What the fuck? Is he happily chatting about porn?”

“Shut up, Funny. It’s none of your business”, Danny snapped. “Have you found any pictures?”

“What the fuck”, Da Kurlzz called out but the lead singer silenced them again. Johnny began poking him between the ribs so he’d drop his phone but he smacked him away. When the blue masked rapper had both hands on him trying to take away his phone, he snapped. “Johnny, would you just stop touching me for one fucking second?!”

He heard Deuce and Gadjet laugh on the other side and Johnny widened his eyes, retreating silently into a corner.

Deuce breathed out in relief. “No nudes on us. A few suggestive drawings but I can live with that.”

“Then we’ve got no reason to do anything about it. Now I’ll hang up because I think I hurt my bae.”

“Your…Charlie?”

“Johnny”, Danny replied with a chuckle. “Have fun with Gadjet there. Give him my greetings.”

“Hey fuckboy!” Gadjet called out and he hung up.

The five guys stared at him like he was out of his mind. “Why were you talking to Deuce?”

“He found a Fanfiction about the two of us”, Danny expressed in disgust. Charlie held his hand in front of his mouth and gagged. “Oh God, that makes me want to vomit. Was it an adult one?”

“Yeah”, the lead singer replied, feeling dirty all of the sudden. He shuddered, then rushed over to the corner Johnny had retreated to. “Bae! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t call me your fucking bae, Danny!” Johnny yelled.

Charlie whistled. “They should get their own smut fic.”

“Smut fic?” Funny Man asked.

“A fanfiction involving sex”, Da Kurlzz and Charlie replied at once.

The baritone voiced rapper raised an eyebrow. “You guys know an awful lot about that.”

“We’ve read some about ourselves”, Da Kurlzz expressed, uncomfortable with it all.

Danny flopped down in front of Charlie again. “Can you guys write a fanfic about me and Johnny?”

“Why?”

“Because I’d love to see him flip out about it, all blushing and shit”, the lead singer grinned.

Chapter Text

Danny lay on his back, one leg crossed over his drawn up knee. He had one hand behind his head and the other throwing a ball constantly against the roof of the bus. He hummed a tone along with the rhythm of the ball hitting the ceiling. “Take my hand. Let’s go somewhere we can rest our soul”, he silently sung with teeth grit together so it wouldn’t be too audible for anyone else. He threw the ball, hit the ceiling wryly, causing the ball to fly down in a different direction.

“Ah!”

The lead singer propped himself up and found Charlie rubbing his forehead with the small red ball in his hand. “Danny?!”

“Sorry”, he murmured. “I’m just so bored.”

Funny Man quickly got from his seat to annoyingly close to Danny. “Want me to fix that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Danny bit, glaring at his younger friend out of the corner of his eye as he leaned on his elbows backwards.

The Mexican scooted closer, making Danny crawl away from the edge. “We can always play a game.”

“What game?”

He bit his tongue because he had asked but was saved when J-Dog dragged Funny Man back with an arm around his neck. “Stop. Teasing. Danny.”

“No! He’s such an easy target!” the baritone voiced rapper whined, his arms reaching out for Danny but the lead singer stuck out his tongue childishly. “You dick.”

“You love me!”

Charlie tossed the ball back at his friend. “Then do something. You sound just like Mattie.”

“Mattieeee”, Johnny cooed. He pinched his cheek. “You love your little Mattie baby, don’t you?”

The bandana rapper smacked the hand away and hid him in the back of his head. “Dare to speak to me like that again and I’m gonna hurt you.”

“Hurt me? You can’t even reach me.”

Danny chuckled. “It’s true, Charles. You always try to put your arm around Johnny but he’s just too tall for you.”

Charlie folded his arms. “You know who isn’t too tall for that?”

“Your mom?”

“Oh snap!”

“No. Our little Dannyboy!” the main rapper replied and jumped on the couch with Danny who loudly protested. He rolled on his front, put his knees under his body and tried to scurry away but Charlie had his arms around his waist and pulled him back until he was underneath him. “No escaping, baby.”

“Rape!” the lead singer squeaked. He grabbed a piece of the couch to crawl further away but the cushion got loose. He held on to it and smacked it into Charlie’s head who fell off the couch with an “umf”.

J-Dog got up and ruffled Charlie’s hair before he kneeled next to him. “I don’t mean to be unsubtle, but you can’t even fuck Danny if he’s underneath you on a couch.”

“That’s my job!” Funny Man shouted.

The lead singer stomped against the floor as he lay on the couch, making the movement awkward but effective. “NO ONE is fucking me!”

He got up and walked away angrily into the bunks part. Just when he smacked the bunks door closed, he was startled to find their drummer sitting in his bunk with his phone in his hand. “Oh hi.”

Da Kurlzz hummed. “Hi, Danny.”

“Was it something I did?” the singer asked with a pout apparent on his face.

The screamer raised an eyebrow, locked his phone and set his eyes on him. “What?”

“So cold to me.”

“I’m being cold to you?”

“Everyone is! The only time I’m in the center of attention is when they’re talking about sex! Those perverts!” Danny growled. He folded his arms and sat down opposite of Da Kurlzz.

The drummer shook his head with a smile. “Because everyone knows you as cute little Danny.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Remember that one festival we were at?”

“Which one?” he asked with a dumbfounded look written across his face. Why would he suddenly ask about a festival when they were talking about his image first?

“I don’t know which one but the audience offered us a drink every now and then which got you drunk in no time. You just went wandering around on the stage, drunk, still singing your parts but you were acting weird. You sat down on the edge at one point, I think during Bullet. You also let Charlie smack your butt and tried to slap it back but he didn’t let you so instead he awkwardly held your hand as you walked away singing.”

“Oh! I remember that one!” Danny called out with a smirk. In that one gig Johnny had messed up one of his lyrics, saying “virtue of concrete” instead of “virtue of pity”. That and Funny Man had his pants dropped in Everywhere I Go. He guessed that was standard so he tried to remember another part of it. He knew he had sat down on the edge during Bullet because Charlie asked some drunk girl to sing the little girl’s part. That was a great day but he had indeed had too much drinks. He was lucky enough he didn’t forget to sing.

“I remember when you were walking so carefree on stage that I thought: ‘Danny looks so innocent when he’s drunk, like he’s never been drunk before’. I think that made it built up a part of your image nowadays.”

“A part?” Danny asked skeptically.

Da Kurlzz nodded. “That AND the fact you were so careful when you replaced Deuce at first. It was almost like you were shy instead of scared.”

“Scared? I wasn’t scared!” the lead singer bashed in his own defense but the drummer silenced him with a finger in the air. “You were scared you’d be hated by our fans and Deuce’s fans.”

“That’s not fair. You were never in my position”, Danny scoffed and folded his arms but the screamer only smiled at him. “Cute.”

“S-shut up.”

“Anyway. I was bored so I decided to look some things up. I found out the fans think I’d be a great couple with Charlie”, Da Kurlzz announced, the palm of his hand covering his eyes.

Danny let out a giggle, then covered it up by clearing his throat. “What about me?”

“They think you’re totally banging the whole band.”

His laughter suddenly disappeared. “Seriously? Even my fans are perverted?”

“Yes, seriously. I also found out an interesting thing.”

“What thing?”

“A story.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“A biography?”

“No, it’s fictional.”

Danny cocked his head, interested. He crawled closer and Da Kurlzz made some room for him to sit. He took out his phone and showed him the story, his face reddening. Danny swiped his eyes over the sentences, his jaw dropping. “I…What?”

“Yeah”, Da Kurlzz murmured.

“With you?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m married!”

“They don’t care.”

The lead singer folded his arms once again like an angry child. “At least that story proves I’m not an innocent little Danny.”

“No, definitely not, mr. Magic Butt”, Da Kurlzz teased.

The younger one squinted his eyes. “You’re the one who likes my butt so much.”

“Only because you keep dry humping me with it. Who doesn’t get a boner when that happens?”

Danny pursed his lips into a thin line. “Challenge accepted?”

An awkward silence passed. “No. Just…maybe. No! No.”

The singer chuckled. “Found any other stories on this?”

“No, just this one but I’ll keep looking.”

“Tell me when you found one. I’d love to read it”, Danny winked and hopped off the bunk.

Da Kurlzz opened his mouth but closed it again. “My, Danny, so dirty.”

“If they think I’m banging the whole band, I might as well learn something from their dirty minds, no?”

He left and the drummer frowned down to his phone. Danny? A bandwhore? No. Just…maybe. No! No.

Chapter Text

“I’m so fucking bored”, Charlie moaned as he lay on his couch, phone in his hand and Johnny on the other end of the line. “Play with me?”

“Play with you? Dude, even Ava doesn’t say that anymore. I’m at home right now. Asia made a list with chores for me to do”, Johnny grumbled as he took a shovel out of the garden shed. “The cons of being famous.”

“Please, bae?”

“Call me bae one more time and I’m coming over to kill you”, Johnny warned him but Charlie only burst out laughing.

“Why don’t you ask Danny to hang out? Didn’t he become one of your besties now?”

“He’s out with Funny Man! My two besties are out together so I’m asking my baby!”

“So I’m your third choice?” Johnny teased with a smirk but the other couldn’t see.

Charlie bolted upright. “It’s not like that!”

“I know. Relax. I’ll see if Asia can cut me some slack.”

“Awesome.”

The next moment Johnny hid his shovel again and walked into the house and into the kitchen where Asia was doing the dishes. “Hi, my beautiful wife.”

Charlie heard him speak and had to held back his laughter.

“Oh God, what do you need now, George?”

“Charlie wants to hang out”, Johnny murmured.

“Hi, Asia!” Charlie screamed through the phone, receiving a chuckle. “Hi, Jordon.”

The bandana rapper scowled. Damn her always calling them by their real names. Charlie didn’t like his name all that much. He used his stage name so many times, he didn’t even look up anymore when someone said his real name. He only replied when someone called him ‘Charlie’.

Asia put a hand in her hip. “You spend half a year with Jordon and you still want to go to his place rather than stay with me?”

“Stay with you? I’ve been raking leaves all morning without seeing you!”

She handed him her wet cloth. “Finish the dishes. I’ll dry them. Then you can go play with Charlie.”

I told you to come play with me”, Charlie hummed with a smug tone in his voice.

Johnny’s expression dropped as he ended the call. “Did you have to choose those words?”

“Yes, yes I did.”

Charlie sprawled himself out on the couch. “I’m so alone. I should call Mattie.”

He took out his phone and dialed the number.

“Matt speaking.”

“Hi, Mattison.”

“Charleston”, Da Kurlzz sighed into the phone. “What is it?”

“Aren’t you glad to hear me”, Charlie sarcastically replied. “Such a sigh.”

“I’m at J-Dog’s”, Matt replied. “Sorry.”

“Really? Danny’s out with Funny. You’re out with Jay. Who am I supposed to hang out with?”

“Johnny, as usual”, Matt replied, a jealous undertone in his voice. “You’re always calling me after you called him.”

“Johnny’s busy”, Charlie whined, quickly realizing his mistake. He squinted his eyes. “Crap.”

“So you did call Johnny before me? You know what, Charlie? Why don’t you hang out with Deuce?”

That was the end of their conversation. Talking to Matt was always like a teenage drama. You either had a happy peppy conversation or a completely dramatic one. Footsteps awoke him from his thoughts. Randi wasn’t coming home yet, who was that?

Johnny walked in. “Best friends come through the backdoor!”

“Dude! You scared me!”

“What shall we do. Watch a movie?”

Charlie jumped on his feet and took out his laptop. “That is a great idea. Have you heard of The Human Centipede?”

The blue masked rapper cocked his head. “What’s that?”

“You’re gonna love it”, the bandana rapper grinned. He opened up his notebook and turned it on, placing it delicately in his lap. Johnny sat down next to his friend, an arm loosely around his shoulder. “No peaking at my password.”

The taller one rolled his eyes but snuck a peak anyway. “W1nn1ng is your password?”

“I said no peaking!” Charlie whined. “Yes, it is but now I’m going to change it.”

“Into what? CharlieIsALittleBitch1?”

“Why is there a 1 behind it?”

“Because CharlieIsALittleBitch is already my password.”

“I might just change that”, the main rapper squinted his eyes. His computer made a startup sound and immediately went to the wallpaper. Charlie turned bright red and tried to click on his browser but his laptop wasn’t completely started up yet so he couldn’t press any button with success. Too late, Johnny had seen it.

“Why is there an x between our names?”

“It’s a battle.”

“With a drawing of us, making out?” Johnny asked skeptically.

The bandana rapper let out a deep sigh. “Ok, fine. It’s a slashpairing.”

“A what?”

“You slash me? Together?” Charlie replied.

Johnny blinked a few times. “Say that again?”

“People are imagining us as a couple and I kinda thought it was funny”, the younger one admitted.

The blue masked rapper raised an eyebrow. “Dude, of course they imagine us as a couple. We practically started it when that fan asked you out on a date and you said you had to ask your boyfriend, turning to me.”

Charlie smiled apologetically. “Yes, but I kinda like these stories and drawings.”

“Stories?”

“Yeah”, Charlie replied, hoping the other wouldn’t ask further but Johnny did. “Show me.”

The bandana rapper clicked his browser open on his now started computer and typed their names with slash behind it. Immediately a page appeared. “This story’s called The Problems Of The Two Alphas. I haven’t seen that one yet.”

Johnny leaned in to read the text and scrunched his nose. “We’re gonna have sex for sure.”

“What?”

“In the story. We’re fighting for dominance”, Johnny said and Charlie let out a relieved sigh. “Look. Danny walks in on us.”

“No one says no to Danny”, the blue masked rapper chuckled. “That is so true. Did you hear his last battle with us?”

“What fight?”

“Danny wanted to go to Taco Bell but Funny, Kurlzz and I wanted to go get pizza”, Johnny began his story. “You were out with J-Dog, I think.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

“Danny pretty much coaxed Funny on his side by batting his eyelashes and got me on his side by pouting. Kurlzz was sold when Danny let out a heartfelt sigh.”

“Really?”

“You just can’t say no to Danny, trust me”, Johnny sighed.

The bandana rapper scoffed. “Yeah, I guess. Every time Danny asks Kurlzz to use the waffle iron he so dearly holds for himself, he eagerly hands it over. That bitch knows how to get what he wants.”

Johnny bit his lip. “What’s that? It’s called Betrayed.”

Charlie clicked on it. “I haven’t read that one yet.”

Immediately the blue masked rapper read on. “I have an unbearable secret? What secret?”

Scrolling down the bandana rapper burst out laughing. “Oh that is just precious!”

“What? What is it? You skipped a part!” Johnny whined but then he arrived at the part. “I am a submissive!?”

“Yes! Yes, you are a submissive little bitch!” Charlie squeaked, voice pitching because he was laughing too hard. Johnny took the laptop into his lap. “Really? What? Oh wait, look at the reviews. They’re saying I’m usually a dominant. You’re the submissive one.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “I know. I read about it. Anyway you done reading porn about us?”

“I’m done. Wait, what site was it?”

“Fanfiction”, Charlie grinned.

“Ok, now I’m done”, Johnny smiled and he handed the computer over to Charlie. “What movie were we gonna watch?”

“The Human Centipede.”

He typed in the name and they watched the movie in complete silence.

“OH MY GOD CHARLIE!”

“What?”

“MY EYES!”

“The middle one really has it bad. He has to eat a shit and take a shit in someone’s mouth”, Charlie laughed but Johnny smacked his head. “Stop it! Stop it!”

Chapter Text

Funny Man chuckled but when the others looked at him with curiosity written across their faces, he quickly returned to his phone.

“Who are you texting?” Johnny asked.

The Mexican frowned. “No one. I’m on the internet.”

Everyone returned to what they were doing. Johnny was reading a book. Da Kurlzz and J-Dog were playing strip poker, both down to their underwear already. Charlie was synchronizing their new songs on his phone. And Danny wasn’t doing anything until he walked up to Charlie on the chair. “Can I sit too?”

The bandana rapper raised an eyebrow but scooted over on the small seat. Danny sat down on the small piece of seating he was given and wriggled his head underneath Charlie’s arm so he had his arm around him. “What are you doing?”

“Synchronizing songs”, Charlie sighed.

Danny nodded, shoved the computer a bit further on the table and lied his chin on the space he just cleared. “I’ll watch.”

Charlie smiled slightly and pulled Danny closer against him. “Are you that bored?”

“What do you mean?”

“You get cuddly when you’re bored”, Charlie pointed out but Danny shook his head furiously. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do”, came four replies.

The lead singer pouted. “I can’t help it.”

“We don’t mind”, Charlie hushed him. “It’s fun to be close with you.”

Funny Man scoffed. “It’s more fun to be close to someone else”, he murmured underneath his breath but Johnny’s eyes were onto him again. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah you did. Who’s more fun then? What are you hiding?” Johnny asked, closing his book.

Funny Man shrugged. “Nothing, just get off my back already.”

The blue masked rapper sighed deeply and opened his book again. Da Kurlzz threw his cards onto the table. “Ha! I won! Take off your boxers, babe!”

“Babe?” Charlie and Johnny reacted in unison.

Da Kurlzz rolled his eyes. “You know I don’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah you do”, Danny murmured.

The drummer threw a card at the singer but the card wasn’t heavy enough and got blown back by the air hitting it on the floor in the middle between them. “Fuck this shit.”

J-Dog took off his boxers, sitting naked in his seat. “Fine, you won.”

“Jay’s naked. Time for bed!” Danny called out, followed by laughter. “I must be drunk again.”

Charlie made a weird face with a small smile. “Why do you have to be drunk for that?”

“Because Jay once got naked when I was shitfaced. He just skinny dipped in front of me and I stumbled and fell fully clothed in the pool”, Danny explained with a chuckle. “That was before I knew you guys. It was the time when I was friends with Deuce and Jay.”

“The days when your tats weren’t all about our band”, Johnny grinned and received a glare. “Like yours aren’t about our band.”

“Fine, you got me there. This is just the final station, you know? Our band is final. This is really Undead Till I Die for me”, Johnny replied.

“Me too”, Charlie jumped in, followed by J-Dog, Da Kurlzz and Funny Man.

Danny hummed. “I still don’t want to give up on Lorene Drive.”

“But you did”, J-Dog replied, putting on his clothes again. “You dumped them because you like us better.”

“No, I dumped them because I couldn’t resist this face”, Danny said and squeezed Charlie’s cheeks. “Just look at him! All baby cheeks but his body is ripped.”

The bandana rapper turned crimson. “D-Danny!”

“Oh come on, can’t I admire you?” the lead singer complained but Charlie folded his arms. “No.”

“Fine. I think you’re ugly as fuck”, Danny said in a monotone voice.

“Thanks a lot”, Charlie whined.

The singer chuckled. “No, really. You made me laugh and made me feel welcome so I wanted to join you guys and leave them behind.”

“Which is awesome because we love you!” Johnny squealed exaggerated like a girl before he turned serious. “I’m kidding but you are amazing though. The fame we’ve earned with you in the lead.”

“Still, you’re the leader of this band”, Funny Man said and he looked at the blue masked rapper who shook his head. “No way. I act like the leader but everyone knows Charlie’s the one who made this band worth their while.”

“Thanks”, J-Dog said sarcastically. “Who started HU again? Oh yeah, Deuce, Shady and I.”

“You know what I mean. Imagine Hollywood Undead without Charlie’s weenie”, Johnny replied and J-Dog gave in. “You’re right. Hollywood Undead without Charlie is like a bra without boobs.”

“Did you just call me a boob?” Charlie looked up.

“He totally did”, Danny said.

Funny Man laughed again at something on his phone but this time he couldn’t shake Johnny off. The rapper was already by his side and snatched his phone out of his hands. “Show me that screen!”

He looked at it and gazed at Funny Man. “Johnny slash Funny?”

The Mexican blushed. “It’s just a story. I think they’re funny.”

“What kind of story?” Johnny grumbled as he scrolled down. He gasped. “Oh God, that’s Satan’s spawn. Have mercy with me, Lord, because this story is violating my dick.”

“I don’t read the dirty ones!” Funny Man defended himself but Johnny handed him his phone. “Did you read what you did to me?”

“What did I do?”

“You shoved a screwdriver in my dick!”

Four of them cringed all at once. “Oh God, why?”

Danny lied his head down bored. “It’s a good sensation though if you get enough preparation.”

“What?” Charlie responded but the singer shrugged. “The truth is disgusting.”

“You put a toothpick in my hole!”

“Which hole?” Funny Man asked, fearing the reply.

“My dick’s!” Johnny yelled.

Danny laughed. “At least he didn’t drop it.”

The others cringed again. “Danny!”

“This one is using me as a BDSM slave!” Johnny cried out when he looked at the screen again. Funny Man chuckled and Charlie looked up. “I read that one!”

“You read them?” Johnny asked.

Charlie nodded. “Hey, we’re best friends for a reason, you know. We’re both equally as fucked up when we get bored.”

Danny chuckled. “And then you complain about my cuddle behavior when I’m bored.”

“Why can’t you guys be normal and read a book like me?” Johnny grunted before he flopped down on the couch. “I seriously don’t like this. Why would people write these stories.”

“Let them. Some of them don’t even know these exist”, Funny Man hushed him.

“I feel like I got scarred”, Johnny murmured.

Charlie popped up. “At least you didn’t get a toothpick in your slit.”

“Dude!”

“Sorry, just couldn’t let that one slip.”

“Like the toothpick”, Danny jumped in, laughing along with the rapper.

Funny Man put away his phone. “Fine, I won’t read them anymore for your sake.”

“Good”, Johnny said and he picked his book up again.

“What was so funny about them?”

“Just the way you were a submissive”, Funny Man said.

“Fuck you.”

“Wouldn’t you like that? You slut.”

Chapter Text

“Danny!” Johnny barked, dashing after the younger man. Danny ran as fast as he could away from Johnny whose face was covered in apple juice. Because, you see, one does not simply drink out of a carton without having Danny squeeze it.

Johnny wore the most murderous scowl, his whole face sticky. J-Dog kicked his feet onto the table. “I ship them.”

“You what?” Charlie asked, head cocked to the side.

Da Kurlzz sighed exaggerated. “He wants them to fuck.”

“No. I ship them. That’s romantically, not physically.”

“That’s both”, Da Kurlzz popped up again.

Funny Man scrunched his nose. “You like them together together?”

“I do”, Jay replied with a shrug. “They’d make a great couple.”

Johnny stopped dead in his tracks, slowly inching closer to them. “Repeat that?”

J-Dog shut his mouth and waved it off. “Never mind.”

Danny jumped on top of Johnny, making him stumble forward and onto the ground in front of the couch. The singer sat upright on his back. “I win.”

The blue masked rapper leaned his head in his hands. “Really? Did you have to jump me?”

“Totally a couple”, Charlie murmured to J-Dog.

Danny raised an eyebrow. “Johnny and I? A couple?”

“Yeah. J-Dog came up with the idea but now that I see you guys like this. You two would make a great couple”, the bandana rapper admitted and made it a very convincing case.

The Mexican scoffed. “Danny doesn’t fit with Johnny.”

“Then who does he fit with?”

“Me!” Funny Man cheered and the lead singer rolled his eyes. “Sure, I would.”

“Out of all the guys, Danny fits best with Johnny”, Da Kurlzz admitted as well.

The blue masked rapper shoved the singer off of his back. “Do I get an opinion on this?”

“Sure, it just doesn’t matter”, Charlie said, patting his head.

Johnny groaned. “I think Danny would fit best with Funny Man. Their pictures always look cute.”

The baritone voiced rapper threw his hands up. “Go team Danny Man!”

“I’m team Danny 3 Tears”, the singer commented. “Funny is reserved for Charlie.”

Da Kurlzz chuckled while scrolling down his phone. “Did you know there’s fanfiction about the two of you?”

Johnny scurried upright. “No way!”

Danny snatched the phone out of his hands and raised an eyebrow. He chuckled. “Damn, I’m a naughty boy in this.”

“Aren’t you always?” J-Dog commented, taking the phone out of his hands to see for himself. “They’re coupling Johnny and Danny.”

Johnny sighed deeply and looked at the screen. “Oh, I’m dominant!”

“I’m submissive”, Danny said with a nasty wink that made the blue masked rapper doubt his intentions.

Johnny took the phone away and scrolled onward to a different story. “This one is awfully cute.”

The guys whistled at him which made him regret his choice of words but he looked at Danny. “It’s about you, trying to connect with me through reading books. I don’t read THAT much. I just like to read but I don’t do it all the time, you know.”

“Look. We share a kiss!” Danny cheered.

“Team Danny 3 Tears!” Charlie endorsed as he high fived J-Dog about it.

Johnny rolled his eyes. “No. Danny’s a pain in the ass.”

The singer frowned. “Am not!”

“You are!”

“I’m totally not a pain in the ass!”

“No Johnny is, in your ass. Literally.”

The two of them punched Da Kurlzz in the shoulder for his comment.

“Oh, the couple is angry!” Funny Man laughed.

Danny chuckled. “Will you be my boyfriend, Johnny?”

“Not even in a million years.”

“Imaginary boyfriend?”

The blue masked rapper pursed his lips in thoughts and put an arm around the singer. “Of course.”

“Did you really think I was asking you to be my boyfriend?”

Charlie put both arms in the air in victory. “He was hoping for it!”

Johnny jumped the bandana rapper who moaned his complaint as he earned himself a punch in the face. “Dude! Get off. It was just a joke.”

Danny pulled Johnny off of him and onto the floor again. He planted himself in his lap so he wouldn’t get up anymore. “Stop harassing Charlie and start acting like my imaginary boyfriend, babe.”

Johnny gagged. “Don’t call me babe. I’m dominant.”

“Third wheel”, J-Dog chimed softly. “We are such third wheels.”

“I’ll be the fourth wheel”, Funny Man said.

“Fifth”, Charlie replied.

Matt looked up. “Oh fine, I’ll be the sixth.”

“First!” Danny called out, back straightened to which Johnny pulled him back, into the crook of his lap and against his chest. “No no, you’re no wheel.”

“God, you’re awfully huggable.”

Johnny squeezed the singer. “You’re squeezable.”

Matt got up. “I’m out. This is going too far for me. Who’s with me?”

“I’ll join”, J-Dog said, getting up.

“But shipping them was your idea!” Charlie complained.

Funny Man lay back on the couch. “Don’t worry, bro, I’m still with you.”

“Is that supposed to be soothing?”

“That is so mean.”

Both hadn’t even noticed the imaginary couple cuddling on the floor like it as the most normal thing for them to do. “I like this”, Johnny murmured.

Danny let him wrap his arms around his smaller body. “I’ve been single for way too long.”

“Me too.”

“Feels good to have someone hold me”, Danny murmured awkwardly.

Johnny bit his lip and inspected his surroundings as to avoid eye contact. “So does holding someone.”

“My wife used to call me weird for enjoying the submissive part of a cuddle.”

“Your wife isn’t your wife anymore”, Johnny replied and Danny let out a sigh. “True. She thought it was gay.”

“This IS gay”, Johnny chuckled and Danny grinned. “Shut up and just enjoy hugs.”

“I never took you two for the cuddling type”, Charlie commented.

“Shut up!”

Funny Man elbowed him. “I’m on team Danny 3 Tears, man, just look at them.”

“HEY!” Charlie called out. “You two should kiss!”

Both laughed immediately after he had shouted his little joke, earning a glare from Johnny. Danny shrugged, freed himself from the tight grip. He placed both hands on Johnny’s jawline and went in for a kiss. The blue masked rapper’s eyes went wide as he felt those luscious lips against his own and both of their spectators silenced their laughter. “What the…?”

Funny Man frowned. “Damn, he’s going for it.”

“I shouldn’t have made that joke”, Charlie said, cocking his head. “That’s too far, guys.”

Danny broke his kiss and licked his lips. “Happy now?” he asked Charlie.

Charlie shook his head with a smile. “Damn, I didn’t expect that to happen.”

Johnny still had his eyes wide open, staring at Danny. He then turned his stare towards Charlie. “I’m on team Danny 3 Tears now.”

Chapter Text

“If any of us would have a gay three way, I think it would be Danny”, J-Dog stated in all seriousness. That’s when the whole bus fell silent. You could literally hear a needle fall to the floor.

“What?”

J-Dog shrugged. “Danny would totally have a gay three way if any of us had to do it.”

The singer blinked a few times. “Come again?”

“Yeah, that would probably be one of your lines”, J-Dog replied with a grin.

Danny scrunched his nose in disgust. “I’d never do that.”

“No, I’m not saying you would but I think you would if any of us HAD to. Like. If we’d die and you had to have a three way to save us, would you do it?”

“Depends with who.”

“Funny and Charlie”, Johnny joined the conversation.

The Mexican and bandana rapper looked up disturbed. “Why the fuck are you bringing us into this?”

“Come on!” Johnny expressed. “You think Danny’s hot, don’t you?”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Did I ever say so?”

“No, but you’re always staring at his butt.”

Funny Man burst out laughing when his best friend shut his mouth as if he didn’t want to make matters worse.

“Oh, you have no right to laugh”, Da Kurlzz scoffed. “You always have to touch him.”

“What?!”

“That’s true. You’re always wrapping your arms around him”, Johnny joined.

The Mexican folded his arms. “Thanks a lot. I just like to hug.”

“Me too!” Danny tried to defend but he only made it worse. Instead he sat down quietly next to the baritone voiced rapper. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I’m just saying if you had to have a three way to save us, you’d do it with Funny and Charlie”, J-Dog said truthfully.

Danny looked at Charlie, then at Funny Man. He turned his back to both of them. “No.”

The Mexican poked his sides, making him jump and fall back against him. “Don’t do that! I’m ticklish.”

Funny Man chuckled and put an arm around his waist as he lay his head in his lap.

“Nooo, you guys would certainly not bone”, Charlie sarcastically stated. “I’d be one hell of a third wheel in your three way.”

Danny laughed and reached out to smack Funny Man’s head. “No, I’d never be able to do it with this idiot.”

“Get a room”, Da Kurlzz coughed as he unlocked his phone with a swipe. “Someone needs to push you guys together in a room so you can finally get together.”

Funny Man scoffed. “That’s disgusting. He’s my friend.”

Danny turned to his side in his lap. “This is tiring.”

“I think Danny might be the third wheel in their three way”, Johnny said.

“Why?”

“Because there’s a ton of Chunny Man fanfiction.”

“Chunny Man?”

“Yeah. Funny Scene? Charlie Man? I don’t know! I don’t ship them!”

“I only ship Fanny.”

All five of them stared at Danny. “You ship Fanny? You ship yourself with Funny Man?”

“Yeah, I mean. It’s false but we would totally be a cute couple”, Danny laughed, petting Funny Man’s arm because he was staring at him in horror. “No, Danny, no.”

Charlie folded his arms. “I would NEVER bone Funny Man so yeah, go bone Danny.”

The singer laughed and tried to punch Charlie’s leg but the rapper avoided the hit. “Anyway, what kind of fanfiction is there about us?” Funny Man asked Charlie.

He shrugged as an answer. “Johnny said it.”

Johnny looked up at the sound of his name. “What?”

“What kind of Funny Scene fanfiction is there?”

“Basically just you two being best friends with benefits”, he murmured. “Not really that interesting. Most pair Charlie up with Da Kurlzz and Funny Man either with me or with Danny.”

“With you? Like hell I would! I’d rather do it with Danny than with you.”

“How would Funny 3 Tears even work?”

“Very rough sex”, Danny chuckled to which both men scrunched their nose. “Danny!”

“I’d rather have sex with Charlie than him”, Funny Man said. “This makes me feel sick to my stomach.”

Charlie scratched the back of his head. “Wrong choice of words.”

“Why?”

“Your birthday 2005.”

The Mexican shot up and scooted away from Charlie. “Dude, why are you bringing that up now?”

“Because it’s relevant!” Charlie hissed.

Danny, Johnny, Da Kurlzz and J-Dog both gazed at them in wonder. “What happened on your birthday 2005?”

Funny Man’s face reddened. “Just forget about it!”

“No! I’m curious!” Danny begged to which the Mexican caved in.

“Fine, but I just want to remind you guys that Johnny and Charlie have kissed each other over three times!”

“And you have kissed me”, J-Dog murmured, whipping out his phone. “So get on with the fanfiction already.”

Charlie laughed. “It’s stupid really. You guys weren’t there for his birthday but we were all going to celebrate the day after. I was there so we decided to go clubbing. He was twenty, I was nineteen. We got fucking drunk.”

“Shitfaced”, Funny Man corrected. “Completely shitfaced. Dude, we don’t even remember half of it.”

“Shitfaced then. We met these cute brunette twins and we hung out with them at the bar and they were like complaining how guys think it’s hot when girls kiss but hate it when guys kiss.”

By now the guys were staring at them wide eyed and Danny had got up and out of his lap. “That’s just a kiss so what?”

“Let me finish”, Charlie complained. “We told them it just had to be that way because guys were animals and they said that if we kissed, they’d do it for us as well. I mean, come on… twins making out? Who would turn that down? And we were drunk.”

“Shitfaced”, Funny Man nervously said. “So we did as they wanted to but of course, this drunk fucker had to go a little bit too far and too long so I shoved him away after a bit.”

“Dude! You know how clingy I get when you give me booze. So yeah and then they kissed but we were kinda out of it. I don’t know, it was weird.”

“Yes, it was like we wanted to go home just like that.”

“So we did.”

“But of course Charlie stayed over for the night.”

“And I get clingy.”

“So some things happened.”

“What kind of things?” Johnny asked with a disgusted expression. Danny patted his shoulder. “They fucked.”

“We did not!” Funny Man called out.

Charlie hid an awkward smile as he looked away. “At least, we don’t know.”

“What?”

“We can’t remember what happened.”

“So nothing happened?” J-Dog asked as if he just heard the worst anticlimax possible.

Funny Man rolled his eyes. “Something happened. Last thing I remember is fucking falling over with Charlie on top of me.”

“SO you’re a bottom!” Danny called out with a grin. “Then you won’t fit with me, Funny. I can be bottom too.”

All five turned their eyes to Danny. “You’re a bottom?”

“What? I have drunk stories too, you know.”

Funny Man patted his head. “So we woke up half naked in the same bed.”

Charlie clapped his hands. “Ok! Enough awkward stories. Who wants to get pizza?”

“No.”

“What?”

“You’re not getting out of this. Were there no signs of what you did?” Johnny asked.

“Like someone’s butt hurting”, Da Kurlzz chuckled, earning himself a punch from Charlie. “No signs.”

“So you didn’t get it on?”

“We don’t know.”

Johnny jumped upright. “Now we can get pizza!”

“I still want to know what kind of fanfiction is out there about us”, Funny Man wondered aloud. Danny pulled his friend upright. “No. I’m still on team Fanny.”

“Why are you on team Fanny?”

Charlie rolled his eyes and stomped his shoulder. “Because he likes you, you dense dickhead.”

The singer turned bright red. “NO I DON’T!”

“Then why are you on team Fanny?”

“Because he’s mine”, Danny argued, sticking out his tongue.

Da Kurlzz whipped out his phone. “You’re not the one who had sex with him.”

“Birthday sex even”, Johnny laughed.

J-Dog sent a link to Da Kurlzz who smirked when he opened it. “Dude…”

“What?”

“Too far.”

“What is it?!” both Funny Man and Charlie asked.

“Nothing!”

“Is it fanfiction.”

“Oh yeah.”

“About?”

“The two of you fighting over Danny.”

The singer looked at both of them. “Oh no, not gonna happen. Not even for a million dollars.”

“Not even for a million dollars?” Charlie asked.

“Fine. I’d have a three way for a million dollars.”

“I told you you’d be the one having a three way!” J-Dog shouted in victory as the others shook their head.

Chapter Text

Da Kurlzz leaned back, sighing happily about his recent post. Everyone on Snapchat would ADORE his new post about how he hated Hillary Clinton. The drummer was so happy she didn't win the election. He would've moved to Africa if she did.

A silent snickering brought him out of his thoughts. He looked at the source of the sound, finding the door to the bunks half cracked.

He got up and walked to the door, pushing it open slowly and revealing J-Dog in his bunk with a computer in his lap. Charlie on top bunk, leaning down to watch the screen as well, Danny and Johnny standing next to the bunks to watch it. Funny Man peeked his head in between their shoulders. All five of them laughing at something on the computer.

Da Kurlzz arched an eyebrow. "What are you guys doing?"

Jay knocked the computer closed startled as he said "NOTHING!"

The others four looking away but Matt caught them and there was absolutely no way around this. "What's on the screen?"

Charlie chuckled. "You don't wanna know, bro."

"I do!"

He could see all of them trying to hold back laughter and it was infuriating. "WHAT WAS IT?!"

J-Dog handed him the laptop. "You see for yourself."

Da Kurlzz opened it up and dropped it, making the five of them complain loudly. "Nice move dude! If it's broken, you're paying another one!"

Matt took a step back. "I don't fucking care! That shit is disgusting!"

"Come on, Mattie, is was just a joke."

"Why would anyone write that?!"

"Well… Your posts about the election were pretty annoying", Johnny murmured, the others nodding in agreement.

Da Kurlzz folded his arms annoyed. "I hate you guys. Why in the world would you read that… that… piece of SHIT!"

"Relax, dude. Fanfiction is a part of life", Funny Man offered but the drummer glared at him. "Pairing me up with president Trump is NOT a part of life!"

"President Trump", Charlie laughed. "You call your boyfriend president Trump in the bedroom too?"

Matt attacked Charlie, dragging him out of the bunk and onto the floor. "HE IS NOT MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND!"

"According to this fanfiction, he is", Danny said, picking up the unharmed computer.

All five of them laughed again at the comment and watched as Da Kurlzz turned bright red. Embarrassment and fury all the same. "I hate you guys."

"We love you too, honey", Johnny smirked. "Admit it, Kurlzz. You've been hating on Clinton so bad that someone had to pair you up with Trump."

"No! Trump is against homosexuality!"

"Which is why we were against Trump, dude."

"But Hillary wanted to start a nuclear war!"

"I don't care, dude. You were waaaay too involved in this election. You wouldn't stop talking or posting about it. It was fucking annoying", J-Dog commented to which Da Kurlzz groaned. "I hate you guys so much."

"We know you mean love", Charlie said. "I knew you were gay but I had no idea about your affair with Trump."

"Asshole", Matt hissed to the rapper on the floor who hadn't even bothered to get up.

A moment of silence passed before Matt took the computer from Danny and opened it up again, the fanfiction still on the screen. "I'm reading this. I need to know what they're doing to me in it."

He walked away with the machine in his arms like it was precious to him and placed himself on the couch. Danny looked back at his friends who shrugged. "He'll jerk off to it", Charlie said.

"I heard that!" Da Kurlzz shouted and they laughed.

The five of them went into the back to watch some television. They were interrupted by occasional oh-my-gods and what-the-fucks from Da Kurlzz. Every time his eyes widened, Charlie had to cover his mouth with his hand not to laugh. "He must've got to the part where Trump's waiting for him on the bed."

"Oh God why", Johnny chuckled. "I don't know what the worst thing was. The fact that Trump only wore scarlet panties or the fact that they said "make America great again."

"What do you think Matt will do after he read it?" Danny asked.

Funny Man whipped out his phone as he said: "Sue Wattpad for publishing it?"

"He'd be capable of doing that", Jay mused. "We can't let him though. They're just stories. We've been through tons of fanfiction."

"Yeah. Tons of J-Danny", Charlie winked and made both men shift in their seat. "I don't wanna talk about it", they said in unison, making their friends laugh.

"I don't get why they pair US up. I mean. I get why people feel the need to write us paired up but some couples don't make sense. Johnny and Charlie are totally logical because they joke about it, but me and Danny?"

Danny shrugged. "You were my first friend in the band?"

"That's it. That's why", J-Dog snapped his fingers.

"Why do they pair me up with Danny?" Charlie asked.

Danny sighed annoyed. "Because I look up to you and people think my admiration is a love struck expression."

"Everyone's been paired up with Danny. Why you?"

"Because I'm the lead singer. Reason enough to be a band whore", Danny said in the most serious voice. They stared at him. "That's disgusting."

He shrugged. "I like fanfiction. It's cute sometimes."

They were interrupted by Da Kurlzz who handed the computer to Danny. The singer took it without questioning him. The drummer opened his mouth but didn't know what to say. He closed it again. He lifted a finger but dropped it again as well. "I uh."

"You read the whole thing?" Charlie asked surprised.

Matt nodded. "All the way up to where I agree to be his weekly whore."

"So, you've read all about him, fucking your virgin asshole?" Jay said, trying to keep a straight face but failing miserably.

Da Kurlzz nodded, head bowed down ashamed. He took out his phone, typed away on it and dropped it in one of their laps.

"What did you do?" Charlie asked.

"I quit Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram."

Chapter Text

"Charlie?"

"Yeah?"

"You've got a Youtube account, right?"

The bandana rapper raised a single eyebrow at the question. He hummed affirmatively but in a tone that said 'cut the shit and get to it'.

"I wanna make a funny video like the Youtubers do. Maybe we'll gain popularity and become an even more famous band!"

Charlie scoffed. "We've been to Europe, Jay, we ARE famous."

"No no, we could be… famous famous", J-Dog replied, stars in his eyes as he looked off into the distance. "I wanna do a video of us together, talking to the camera and doing shit."

"Alright, I think I can do that. What did you have in mind?" Charlie asked cautiously. Jay offered him a shit-eating grin before he jumped upright, hands in the air "FANFICTION READING!"

"Oh God no."

"Oh God yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"One. Story", Charlie warned, eyes stern as he looked at him. "That's it. We're reading a single story."

Jay squeezed Charlie into an overly excited hug, making the other think he was high off his ass as he walked out the room to go fetch a camera and its stand. The bandana rapper shook his head as he was setting up the camera and moving things in the background to set the scene. "I can't believe you talked me into a Fanfiction reading."

"You'll love it!" Jay cheered, chuckling and checking if the angle was right. He pushed the button and sat down next to Charlie. "Hi GUYS!"

"You sound like Danny."

"Shut up, they're listening!" Jay called out, looking at Charlie instead of the camera. His best friend smiled. "Are we going to do this?"

"We are", Jay said, setting up his computer to search for some fanfiction. "So today we are doing something very… youtuber-y and we're going to do a…"

He paused and Charlie yelled out "FANFICTION READING!"

At the same time Jay shouted: "FANFICTION ACTING OUT!"

"Wait what?!"

The gas masked rapper apologetically smiled at Charlie. "Oh… I told you reading? We're going to do what it says in the fic."

"Dude, you realise I'm not gonna fuck you right?"

"I'm not retarded!" Jay sighed annoyed.

"Alright", Charlie said, pointing at the computer. "Then look up a story. We'll do it. Just don't forget your script."

"I won't, I won't."

Jay browsed the internet when he came across a fic. "How about this one. Shut Up And Kiss."

"As long as it's just a kiss, fine", Charlie responded with a shrug. "Go."

Jay skimmed the fic with his eyes, humming. "Ok so most of this takes place outside so we'll skip that but the fanfiction-y part's in a hotel room with Danny in it. We're gonna need Danny to do this."

"You wanna involve Danny?"

"Well, yeah. What? Did you think I was trying to make out with you or something?" J-Dog asked, confused. "You crazy?"

"No, call Danny", Charlie sighed and J-Dog took out his phone, pressing the number of their favourite lead singer. "I think he's with his family today."

"I hope so", Charlie murmured to himself. "This is embarrassing enough with the two of us, let alone with Danny."

"Are you scared of Danny?"

"No."

"Then stop bitching about it", Jay said the moment Danny picked up.

"You called me. I'm not bitching about anything!"

J-Dog put him on speaker. "Wasn't talking about you, Danny. I was talking to Charlie."

"Oh that makes sense. Am I on speaker?"

"Yeah."

"HEY CHARLIE!"

Charlie chuckled. "Hey Danielthan! Jay wants you to join our devil's threeway."

"Sure, why not!"

J-Dog eyed Charlie annoyed before turning confused to the phone. "Did you just agree to sex?"

"… No."

"Are you drunk? You sound fucking weird."

"I'm at a party", Danny replied. "I may have drunk a bit too much already. What you need me for again?"

J-Dog clapped his hands together. "Perfect. The fic requires you barely conscious anyway."

"Did you say 'fic'?"

"Yeah, we're doing a fanfiction reading thing", J-Dog said. "We need you to do it. Are you coming or not?"

"Sure, be there in 10 minutes, alright? Don't start without me."

Danny hung up on them and Charlie raised an eyebrow. "You know this isn't gonna end well, right?"

"We just recorded a drunk Danny conversation on camera. I'm gonna have to edit the part where he agrees to a threesome out."

"Or you don't and post it for a good laugh. The fans love fanfiction, so give them some fuel."

"I'm not gonna post a drunk Danny like that", J-Dog objected, Danny knocking on the door. "Hey guys!"

"Danny!"

"So what should I do?"

"Pass out on a bed. Let's move this upstairs", J-Dog said, taking the camera and computer with him. Danny snickered. "Nasty."

Upstairs J-Dog looked at Charlie. "I need you to give me a rainbow band-aid for his head because Danny passed out and hit his head. You're coming to me with the first aid kit and money because you just lost a bet."

The bandana rapper nodded. Jay explained the next few steps of their acting out to the other two and pointed at the computer. "The actions, you need to remember but if you need your lines, just look at the screen."

"Good", Danny said. Show was about to start.

Charlie headed outside the room and knocked on the door. J-Dog opened the door and took the money and first aid kit out of his hands. He opened the box and took out – what was supposed to be – a rainbow band-aid but instead, he took advantage of the situation to draw a rainbow penis on it. At least Danny would be fabulously gay. Jay and Charlie lifted Danny like a ragdoll who couldn't keep the smile off his face and covered him in blankets. The singer chuckled, whispering "Sorry. Sorry."

J-Dog touched Charlie 'by accident' and pretended to be flustered which proved to be pretty hard. Charlie looked him in the eye. "Mind if I stay here for a while? Matt was watching his alien thing again."

J-Dog shrugged. But what alien thing though? When the fuck did Matt ever watch anything alien that the fans knew of? Probably caught a glimpse of his fucking weird porn.

"Sure, it's not like I'm gonna get much conversation out of Danny right now", J-Dog replied, sitting on the other side of the bed to pretend they were sitting on Jay's bed in the hotel room.

Charlie smiled. "Hey do you think we could ever get love like Danny and Reese? They still act like teenage sweethearts and they've been successfully married for years now", he asked, mentally noting 'eight years, guys' but refraining from saying it. The line confused him a little because he was successfully married to Randi for two years now. Maybe Jay only just got married but they were all happy. Oh, right… They were supposed to be in love with each other. Charlie pushed down his thoughts and focused on getting the story right.

"All I can say, is Danny is one lucky bastard to have someone like her and maybe one day we will."

"Aaaand we talk about everything for three hours until Danny stirs", Charlie said to the camera and Danny jumped upright: "BOO!"

"Stir, not jump", J-Dog chuckled. "I'll get him a drink for when he wakes up. Be back in five. Oh wait, that's your fucking line!"

Charlie rolled his eyes. "I'll get him a drink for when he wakes up. Be back in five."

The rapper got up and left the scene to stand behind the camera and make faces at them as they spoke.

"It's gonna be okay, Danny. Jordon has gone to get you a drink since we don't have a minibar in here and you can have pain meds soon", J-Dog told him, low voice.

"That was one hell of a crash", Danny smirked, not able to maintain his serious face.

"Yeah, you crashed off the bed and your head lost a fight with the bedside table", J-Dog said, glaring at him not to break character. Danny chuckled to himself, putting up a thick redneck accent as he said: "God damn y'all, that's why my head hurts!"

"Danny…" Jay warned him and the singer stuck out his tongue.

"I only sent you out for one", J-Dog said when Charlie walked back into the shot with a few bottles of water they managed to gather for the little video.

"We'll probably need more during the rest of this night because I doubt Danny will be willing to sleep yet", Charlie said.

Danny took the fake pills and drank them with a bottle of water, choking as he tried to down them. "Oh GOD! Were those chunks of salt?!"

"Yeah", Charlie laughed.

The singer drank more than he should've from the water and made a face while saying his next line: "What time is it anyway?"

"It is about fiv minutes past twelve at night", Charlie said and Danny looked at the two of them. "So you mean to tell me you two have been alone in this room together for three hours and you haven't snogged each other."

In what world did Danny ever use the word 'snog'?

"What do you mean we haven't snogged each other?" Charlie asked. Danny stared at both of them.

"Jorel, what the heck is he on about?" J-Dog asked and Danny snickered. "What the heck, Charlie? What the heck!"

"I've never said what the heck, honestly."

"I'm talking about the way you both look at each other like the way Reese and I look at each other – oh they include my wife again – and before you ask, I didn't hit my head that hard. Wow, I'm a sassy bitch."

"With a rainbow dick band-aid", Charlie laughed.

"Not like it matters anyway", J-Dog mumbled.

"Of course, it freaking matters, Jorel", Charlie said, pulling J-Dog off the bed to stand. Danny gave them both thumbs up with a creepy ass pedophile smile. "Pretend I'm not here."

"Now, tell me what that crazy blonde man is talking about", Charlie said, barely keeping a straight face.

"I don't think I can", J-Dog stammered exaggerated.

"Well I disagree with you there", Charlie replied when Danny yelled. "JUST SHUT UP AND KISS!"

"That wasn't the line."

"I know."

"Can't argue with an angry blonde", J-Dog said and kissed Charlie, tasting cigarettes and beer alongside his own unfamiliar flavour. It wasn't unpleasant but it wasn't that awesome either. Just cringeworthy to kiss as best friends. How disappointing.

"Happy now, little cupid?" Charlie asked and Danny shook his head. "No. THIS is how you kiss for a fake fanfiction video", the singer complained as he got up and grabbed Charlie to kiss him furiously.

J-Dog stared at them and Charlie shoved Danny off. "DUDE! What the fuck?!"

"Your kiss was lame!"

"True", J-Dog chuckled. "Was yours better?"

Charlie made a face before nodding slowly. "Yeah, pretty much. Danny felt like he meant it."

"Nah, I'm just a bit tipsy and you guys are sober. We kiss our best friends better when we're drunk."

"That is definitely true", J-Dog laughed. "I've kissed Funny Man like that."

"I've kissed Johnny like that."

"Kissed Johnny?" Danny objected. "Don't make it sound so modest. You SNOGGED!"

"Drunk on a bed. You had your bottle of water in your hands", J-Dog said and Charlie looked annoyed. "Shut up."

J-Dog ran towards the camera and played the video back for them. "Oh God, that looks so fucking cringeworthy."

"Delete?" Charlie asked and Jay agreed. "Delete."

Charlie yawned. "Well, what a waste of my time. I'm gonna head down to see if Johnny texted me yet. I asked him about dinner plans."

"Yeah, go check if your boyfriend sent you any messages", J-Dog mocked the rapper as he left.

Danny turned his head to J-Dog. "You did it. Nice excuse to kiss him."

"You didn't tell me how to do it. You owe me fifty bucks, asshole."