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As The Tea Boils

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Sirius takes his time with the tea, doing it the muggle way in the tiny flat he shares with Remus, snatching at the chance to think things over. Pulling out the rarely used tea-pot and throwing the bags in, following it with the boiled water, takes more time than just pressing the bags to the side of the mug with the back of a spoon and he sighs heavily as he leans back against the counter. He can vaguely hear Remus shuffling papers in the other room. He doesn't need to see them to know they are job applications. Everything in their life has become so domestic. His life is working his shifts, making mugs of tea and attempting to steam creases out of heavy robes while half asleep at 7am. Lily's pregnancy isn't a surprise, really, because their lives are slowly falling into patterns even in the chaos of war. Part of Sirius finds comfort in the routine but mostly he hates it and wishes for the simpler times of school when bills were for adults and Remus didn't walk around with that rejected look on his face. Getting an Acceptable when Remus wanted more was something Sirius could deal with but the prejudice of society bearing down on Remus and their happiness was something he didn't know how to tackle.

Shifting from one foot to another, Sirius lifts the tea pot and pours Remus a black cup, curling his lip in disdain as he does so because Sirius hates his tea too hot and doesn't understand having it without a dash of milk and a good biscuit. Rummaging through the biscuit tin buys him another few minutes to think on things. James wants him to be Godfather and Sirius says yes although he can hardly remain responsible for himself and the thought of being left to raise a child terrifies him. It is a realistic outlook too. Another close school friend was buried the week before and he hadn't been able to get the time off work. Remus can't get a job and yet never seems to be home. Questions tumble through Sirius' mind and he wants to trust his lover yet something holds him back. Albus hadn't sent him anywhere that Sirius knew of and yet again the answers Remus give don't seem to add up to the truth. Sirius remembers the last time that happened and it makes his stomach turn as he takes the two mugs into the kitchen, two digestives pressed between his fingers and the side of his own mug. Remus has to be hiding something and it has to be bad in order for him to hide it from Sirius, surely.

A little tea spills over the cup as he sets it down in front of Remus and he receives a small smile as thanks before he sits himself down on the couch. It sags under his weight and he feels his limbs go heavy. It has been another hard shift full of empty leads and a rising body count. Despite not thinking himself ready for the routine Sirius almost wants to ask Remus about his day but not enough to hear lies in return. Something isn't adding up in their lives. Everything he was ever told as a child about werewolves filters through his mind and he wonders if some of it might be true. He wonders if he might have made a mistake. Remus looks perfectly harmless but more and more Sirius is reminded that there is a monster within. A monster that could destroy their lives.