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Late Night Thoughts

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"Do you ever worry about death?" Robert asks, suddenly.

 

It is late Sunday night and Aaron and Robert had just gone to bed as Robert had a meeting early the next morning.

 

Aaron opens his eyes and turns over to face Robert, confused by his husband's sudden question, "why do you ask that?"

"I don't really know. Do you though?" Robert says, looking at his husband.

"No. Not really. Death is inevitable so there's no point on dwelling on it," Aaron answers, still looking confused at the question, "what about you? Do you worry about it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. I told you, ages ago, that I think about the future, I used to worry about it, a lot but I don't need to worry about that now. I've got a future, here, with you, forever," Aaron smiles softly at Robert, "but death isn't something I can control. It's always coming and nobody know when or how it's going to happen. It scares me thinking that one day...one day, one of us will have to live without the other one."

"You shouldn't be thinking like that Robert," Aaron answers after a moment of silence, staring at the ceiling through the darkness of their bedroom, "you'll just drive yourself mad, worrying about things like that. The only thing you can do is make sure you're life is the best it can possibly be, something you can look back on and think 'I'm glad I did that' when the time comes."

"Where did you think you'd be, right now, when you were a kid?" Robert asks Aaron, suddenly wanting to just ask Aaron loads of questions just to see what the answer would be.

"When I was a little kid? I probably thought I'd have a wife or something but when I came out, I just thought I'd spend my whole life on my own because I still couldn't believe that I could be loved enough for someone to actually want a relationship with me, let alone marry me," Aaron admits, truthfully, "what about you? I'm pretty sure you never thought you'd be here, married to and living with a man."

"If I'm honest, I thought I'd get married to a rich women, own my own business, maybe even have kids. I always loved the thought of fast cars and enough money to buy anything I wanted," Robert says, truthfully, looking at Aaron.

"Chrissy, then?" Aaron says, softly, "you had your dream life with Chrissy. Why did you throw that away for me then?"

"Because I never realised that having all that could never outweigh the only thing I really need in life. Love," Robert says, softly, a small loving smile playing on his lips, hidden by the darkness.

"Yeah, I might have been able to buy whatever the hell I liked and maybe I could show off with my fancy fast cars. But none of that could ever compare, to being able to think about someone and just smile because you know that you will get to see them later. To be able to just talk about anything if you you're upset and, more then anything, to be that persons reason to smile. To be important enough to that person that they would do anything for you just so you had a reason to smile, from just making you breakfast in a morning to forgiving you when no one else would but one thing they don't understand is that they don't need to do that because them just being them makes you smile like they are you're world because they are," Robert says, fondly, looking at Aaron as he says every word.

"And I love you too," Aaron says, looking into Robert's eyes with a mixture of so much love and need that it makes Robert's heart skip a beat.

"How do you do that?" Robert asks, his voice soft and full of love.

"Do what?" Aaron asks, confused.

"Make me fall even more in love with you with just a look," Robert says, fondly.

"The same way you do when you talk, whether it's about a TV program or about work, just you speaking can make me fall even more in love with you every single day," Aaron says, his voice quiet, "if that is even possible."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Robert whispers, softly.

"Something horrible in your last life?" Aaron jokes, smiling at his husband.

"I think it's the opposite actually. I must have been a saint," Robert says, linking his hand with Aaron's under the duvet.

"Saint Robert has a nice ring to it," Aaron jokes, making Robert laugh quietly.

"God I love you so much, Aaron," Robert whispers.

"I know, I love you too," Aaron whispers back.

 

The two of them fall asleep that night just as the clock ticks past 1:30am. They are happy and so in love. These two boys that have been through way more then their fair share of drama, can go to sleep knowing that they have each other.

 

Now and forever.