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The Nameks

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It was three weeks after his father’s marriage to Frikiza, and Piccolo Junior was meditating in Kami’s Lookout, where he still resided. He was deep in a trance when a voice interrupted him.
“Hey! It’s Junior, right?” It was a female voice… He recognised it from somewhere. Piccolo frowned, and opened his eyes.
“Yeah. Who’s asking?” He grunted, looking at the two women that were standing in front of him. He’d seen those women before… weren’t they at his father’s wedding?
“We’re Zarba and Doria – you remember us from the wedding, right?” The shorter of the women asked. “We’re friends of your mother, Frikiza.”
“I remember you.” Piccolo stated. “But Frikiza is not my mother. She’s just my father’s wife.”
“Well, that makes her your mother.” Zarba shrugged. “Listen – we need your help. You have to round up everyone you know.”
“Why?” Piccolo asked.
“No time to explain, it’s an emergency!” Zarba frowned. “Just take us to your friends.”
“Has something happened to my father?” Piccolo demanded, concerned. Shit, what had he done now…? Frikiza was supposed to be controlling him!
“Sort of. Are you going to take us or not?” Zarba replied. Piccolo paused, wondering whether or not he should trust these women. They were supposedly the female versions of Zarbon and Dodoria, after all…

At that moment, Dende approached the group, and smiled at the girls.
“Hello.” He greeted them, and turned to Piccolo. “Are these friends of yours?” He asked.
“No, they’re just friends of my –” Piccolo stopped himself, deciding what to call Frikiza. “… My father’s wife.”
“Oh! Your stepmother.” Dende nodded, causing Piccolo to glare into the ground.

Dende offered Zarba and Doria another polite smile.
“It’s good to meet you.” He said. “I’m Dende, the guardian of the Earth.”
“Hi.” Doria smiled back. “We’re Zarba and Doria –”
“Listen Kid, we really don’t have time for small talk.” Zarba said. “If you want a conversation, come with us.”
What!” Piccolo screamed, horrified at her attitude. “He’s the guardian of Earth, show him some respect!”
“It’s… it’s alright…” Dende mumbled shyly. Zarba winked at Dende.
“Sorry, Cutie.” She smirked. “We gotta go.”
“Cutie…?” Dende repeated, blushing slightly.
“Oh my God…” Piccolo gasped, his heart almost stopping. “Dende, I’m sorry – I’ll get them out of here.” He glared at the women. “Let’s go.”
“Great!” Zarba beamed, and waved at Dende. “See you later, Didi.”
“It’s Dende.” Dende replied.
“My mistake.” Zarba smirked.
Come on!” Piccolo snarled. He grabbed the women and flew off towards Goku’s house.

Meanwhile, at Goku’s house, Gohan and Videl were just leaving.
“I’ll see you later –” Gohan said, when Piccolo and the women landed in front of him. “Piccolo…?” Gohan blinked. “What are you doing here?”
“I have no idea, it’s some emergency with my father.” Piccolo replied, and looked sternly at Zarba and Doria. “Talk.”
“Is there anybody else in the house…?” Doria asked.
“Huh?” Goku uttered as he exited the house to see what was going on.
“Just my dad…” Gohan answered. “My mom went shopping and my brother’s at his friend’s place.”
“Hm.” Zarba shrugged. “Well, I guess you three will do. Okay, listen.” She looked at them. “My name’s Zarba and this is Doria, we’re friends of Frikiza’s. You all know Frikiza, right?” Everyone nodded. “Well… here’s the thing.” Zarba continued. “She had this pendant – it looks like an icicle, it’s pure crystal and the chain is silver, and it opens up. Anyway… Frikiza lost it, so we have to find it before Piccolo finds out.”
What!” Piccolo Junior yelled, glaring at the women. “That’s your emergency?”
“Sorry… We were just about to catch a movie.” Gohan said. “We can look for it later though?”
“It’ll be too late by then!” Doria cried. “Piccolo’s bound to find out about it soon, so we have to hurry!”
“Look – I’m sure my father won’t care that she lost a pendant. Just tell her to go buy a new one.” Piccolo Junior said.
“That’s precisely what I thought,” Zarba replied. “But it turns out your daddy bought it her, so she’s really upset that she lost it. To be honest I didn’t even know he’d bought her anything at all… He doesn’t really seem the type.”
“Oh… that’s such a shame. I can see why she’d be upset.” Videl said sympathetically. She looked at Gohan. “We can always see the movie another day. This is more important.”
“If it’s so important then why aren’t my brothers looking for it?” Piccolo frowned.
“They are. We came to round up more people for the search.” Doria answered. She looked across everyone. “Will you help us? She’s pretty sure she lost it in West City.”
“Sure, I don’t mind.” Goku grinned. “Let’s go!”


A short while later, everyone had split into groups and were dotted around West City. Piccolo and Goku were searching together, and struggling to find Frikiza’s pendant. Goku spotted yet another woman walking past wearing a pendant, and approached her. “Excuse me, Ma’am?” He said. “Do you mind if I look at your chest?”
“Pervert!” The woman screamed, and slapped him across the face before running away.
“Goku, for the last time – stop phrasing it like that!” Piccolo yelled. “These woman don’t know what you mean.”
“Yeah, but – if I ask to see their pendant they think I’m going to rob them…” Goku replied.
“Let me try.” Piccolo said, and stopped a passing woman wearing a pendant. “Excuse me. I need to see your pendant.”
“Oh my God…” The woman whimpered, her eyes widening in fright. “Please – don’t hurt me! Here!” She took off her pendant and threw it at him. “It’s yours – I don’t want it!” She wailed, and ran away screaming.
“… Well, that was the best reaction so far.” Piccolo stated. He looked at the pendant, and sighed. “This isn’t it.” He flew ahead after the terrified woman, and stopped in front of her. “There’s been a mistake.” Piccolo said to the woman, and tossed her the pendant before re-joining Goku.

Meanwhile, Goku stopped a middle-aged overweight woman who was wearing a pendant.
“Excuse me, Ma’am, I need to see your pendant.” He said.
“Oh, my!” The woman exclaimed, blushing. She pushed her chest up to him and grinned. “Go right ahead!”
“Thanks.” Goku smiled, and took hold of her pendant. He examined it, and sighed. “No, this isn’t – aii!” He cried out as the woman grabbed his hand and pushed it down into her blouse. “Go on Handsome, don’t be shy!” She grinned.
“Get off me!” Goku cried. “I’m married!” He yanked his hand away.
Married?” The woman yelled, and slapped him hard across the face. “You should be ashamed of yourself! Humph!” And she stormed off angrily.
“We need to come up with a new strategy…” Piccolo groaned.
“Yeah…” Goku nodded in agreement, rubbing his cheek that had now been slapped several times.
Hey! Don’t be so rough!”

Goku and Piccolo look up at the sound of someone yelling, and they saw two drunks getting kicked out of a hotel.
“Tch. Idiots.” Piccolo growled. “They should be ashamed of themselves.”
“Uh… Piccolo?” Goku smirked. “Aren’t they your brothers?” Piccolo looked at the drunks more closely, and realised he was staring at his mutant siblings, Tambourine and Drum. Dammit! What had they done now!
“Oh, hell!” Piccolo groaned, and flew over to them.

Outside the hotel, the mutant nameks were getting yelled at by the hotel manager.
“You heard me!” She barked. “Enough is enough! You boys have had too much!”
“Oh come on!” Tambourine protested, struggling to stay on his feet. “We… We hardly…” He attempted to finish his sentence, but instead fell over, causing Drum to burst out laughing. “Shut up!” Tambourine yelled, and fired a ki blast at him, however his attack missed and went straight into a decorative a pillar that was situated outside the hotel entrance, obliterating it.
“That’s my building!” The hotel manager shrieked, her eyes widening.
“S-Sorry…” Tambourine mumbled.
“That’s it!” The manager snarled, glaring at the mutants. “You two are banned from this hotel!”
“What!” Drum cried. “But my… my mom and dad had their sex party here…”
“Their what?” The manager gasped.
“No…” Tambourine uttered. “No Drum, their… their sex vacation.”
“You mean their honeymoon?” The manager frowned.
“Yeah!” Tambourine grinned.
“You’re so smart…” Drum smiled, looking at the hotel manager fondly.
“You should… you should date Piano.” Tambourine said. “He’s… He’s smart too.”
“Date a piano?” The hotel manager blinked. “What are you talking about!”
“What the hell is going on here!”

Tambourine and Drum looked up to the sound of an angry voice, and their eyes lit up at the sight of Piccolo Junior.
“Yay!” They exclaimed.
“It’s Junior!” Tambourine grinned.
“Yeah… yeah, Junior!” Drum nodded, with a little less enthusiasm.

Piccolo turned to the hotel manager.
“I’m sorry – were they any trouble?” He asked.
“Yes!” The managed snapped, and pointed to the pile of ash that was once her pillar. “Your friends destroyed my hotel!”
“Oh,” Piccolo uttered, following her gaze. He turned to his siblings and glared at them angrily. “Guys!”
“Don’t…” Tambourine began, and hiccupped. “Don’t look at me!” He protested. “It’s Drum’s fault!”
“What! You fired it!” Drum yelled.
“Yeah, but… but only because you laughed at me!” Tambourine argued. “It’s not nice to laugh! I hurt my leg!” He frowned when Drum burst out laughing again. “Hey!” Tambourine snapped. He fired another ki blast at Drum, but he once again missed and his attack destroyed yet another pillar. “… Oops.”
That’s it!” The hotel manager screamed. “I’m calling the police!”
“No!” Piccolo gasped. “Please – don’t do that! I’ll call my father’s wife, I promise she’ll pay for any damages they’ve caused.”
“What?” Tambourine frowned. “‘Father’s wife’? Junior! Just say mom!”
“Stupid Junior…” Drum muttered angrily.

The hotel manager looked at Piccolo, and gasped when she noticed how much he resembled one of her most memorable customers.
“You’re… You’re King Piccolo’s son, aren’t you?” She asked. “So… Frikiza’s your stepmother?”
“Yeah… that’s right.” Piccolo nodded, reluctantly admitting that Frikiza was technically his step-parent.
“They had their honeymoon here…” The hotel manager uttered, and looked at Tambourine and Drum. “So… are these your brothers?”
“Yes…” Piccolo mumbled, his face darkening in embarrassment.
“Humph.” The hotel manager grunted. “That would explain why they drank so much Demon Juice – after your dad got so drunk off it I told Alex not to serve it anymore, it’s too dangerous!”
“It’s King Piccolo’s drink!” Tambourine declared.
“He’s a demon king!” Drum exclaimed. “And we’re his princes!”
“What are they talking about…?” The hotel manager asked, staring at the drunk mutants in bewilderment.
“Nothing.” Piccolo answered quickly. “Please – can I let Frikiza pay for your repairs?”
“… Hm.” The hotel manager huffed, folding her arms. “Well, normally I would call the police…” She said, and lowered her eyes. “… But… I like your parents.” She looked back up at Piccolo, and sighed. “Listen – just take them home and make sure they never come back here, and so long as you fix my building, this never happened.”
“Thank you.” Piccolo nodded, relieved.
“Tell your parents I said hi!” The manager beamed, and went back inside her hotel.

After she had gone, Piccolo glared angrily at his mutant brothers.
“Okay, I am not happy with you guys!” He snarled.
“Yeah well… we’re not happy with you!” Tambourine pouted. “Traitor!”
“Traitor!” Drum repeated in the same tone, and the two of them started chanting,
“Traitor traitor traitor!”
“Uh… Piccolo?” Goku uttered, watching the mutants. “I don’t think they’re going to be much help to us.”
“Yeah, I know.” Piccolo groaned, and looked at the mutants. “Shut up!” He barked. “You’re supposed to be looking for Frikiza’s pendant, aren’t you? So why were you drinking in a bar!”
“We… we went in because we figured – woman wear pendants, right?” Tambourine explained. “And… and women go to hotel bars, so… the pendant’s gotta be in a hotel bar!”
“Yeah,” Drum nodded. “And we were looking, but then… then we saw the Demon Juice, and we… we figured we could just have one drink…”
“Or a couple.” Tambourine said.
“Yeah, or… or a couple.” Drum nodded.
“Or a dozen.” Tambourine added.
“Yeah… or a dozen.” Drum nodded again.
“Whatever!” Piccolo growled. “Listen – can you guys stand?”
“Yeah, I…” Tambourine climbed to his feet, then stood for a few seconds before he staggered and fell over.
“Whoa!” Goku exclaimed, catching the mutant.
“Thanks!” Tambourine beamed, and a wide grin swept across his face as he stared up at Goku.
“No problem.” Goku laughed. “Just lean on me, okay?”
“Okay…” Tambourine uttered, and obediently leaned against him.

Drum snorted.
“Ha! Stupid Tambourine!” He sniggered. “I can walk! Look!” He pointed down at himself, demonstrating his stability.
“Drum, you’re in a wheelchair.” Piccolo stated flatly. Drum looked down, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“Oh yeah.” He uttered, suddenly realising that he wasn’t actually standing.
“Does that belong to the hotel?” Piccolo demanded.
“I guess so. I don’t know where it came from.” Drum answered. “Hold on.” He climbed out of the wheelchair, and as soon as he was on his feet he fell flat on his face.
“Oh, hell…” Piccolo groaned, and dragged him up off the floor. “I’m taking you back home – you can’t help us. Goku, how’s Tambourine?” He asked.

Goku looked at Tambourine, who was now fast asleep on his shoulder.
“I don’t think he can help much either…” Goku mumbled.
“Fine, we’re talking them both back.” Piccolo stated.
“No! You can’t!” Drum wailed. “What if – what if King Piccolo comes home and… and he sees the pendant missing!”
“Where is he now?” Piccolo Junior asked.
“I… I don’t know.” Drum replied. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”
“Yesterday?” Piccolo frowned. “Don’t you live together?”
“Yeah, but… but the house is really big.” Drum said. “So… sometimes I don’t see other people, and… and King Piccolo – sometimes he doesn’t come out of his room, because… because he’s doing grown up stuff with Frikiza –”
Okay!” Piccolo screamed, attempting to cover his ears whilst still holding onto Drum. “That’s enough!” He sighed loudly in frustration. “Goku, do you mind if we take them back to your house?”
“Well… not really, but one of us is going to have to stay there.” Goku answered. “If Chichi comes home and sees them in the house on their own, she’ll freak out.”
“Fine, we’ll work out who’s staying later. Let’s just take them back.” Piccolo growled, and they flew back to Goku’s house, taking Tambourine and Drum with them.


Meanwhile, elsewhere in West City, Gohan and Videl’s search was turning out to be just as unsuccessful as Goku and Piccolo’s.
“Well we’ve been to every second-hand jewellery store and police station in the city…” Videl sighed, disheartened. “I don’t know where else to look.”
“Maybe we should try to find Frikiza?” Gohan suggested. “I know she doesn’t know this city very well, but if she describes the stores she visited we might be able to figure out exactly where she was when she lost it.”
“I guess…” Videl mumbled, considering the idea. “Huh?” She looked up to the sound of a lot of commotion in the distance, and saw two odd-looking people being escorted by police out of a modelling studio. “What’s happening there?” She thought aloud.
“Oh my God!” Gohan gasped, recognising the people as Piano and Cymbal, King Piccolo’s other mutant children. “They’re Piccolo’s brothers!” He cried, and he and Videl raced over to the scene.

Videl turned to one of the two arresting officers.
“Officer, what’s happening?” She asked.
“Hi Videl.” The policeman greeted her. “It’s okay, we don’t need you. They’re coming quietly enough.”
“Guys, what happened?” Gohan asked the mutants.
“Oh? You’re Goku’s son, aren’t you…?” Piano uttered, recognising him. He let out a sigh. “Well –”
“We’re innocent!” Cymbal screamed, cutting him off.
“Quiet, Cymbal.” Piano scolded. He looked at Gohan. “There’s a jewellery modelling show inside, so we thought we should look for Frikiza’s pendant there. But when we approached a girl that we thought had the pendant, she got frightened…”
“But we didn’t even touch her!” Cymbal protested, and looked at the policemen. “We didn’t touch her!”
“Whatever.” One of the officers grunted. “You stepped onto the catwalk and refused to get off the stage.” He stated. “The manager of this building called us to remove you, so you obviously did something wrong.”
“Oh… I don’t think they meant any harm.” Videl uttered, looking at the mutants sympathetically. She moved her gaze to the officers. “Do you really have to arrest them?”
“We were going to take them back to the station until someone comes to pick them up.” One of the policemen replied.
“I’ll do it!” Videl beamed. “Can I sign them out?”
“Are you going to post their bail? It’s a thousand zeni.” The officer replied.
“Fine.” Videl nodded.
“What?” Gohan gasped. “Videl – you don’t have to…”
“Of course I do, it’s Piccolo’s family!” Videl protested. She looked at the mutants sternly. “But you guys owe me now, okay?”
“Yes!” The mutants exclaimed, nodding gratefully.
“Thank you, Miss.” Piano smiled.


Later on, in the Son house, everybody had regrouped and were now waiting for Frikiza to join them. Each of them was wishing they could tell her they’d found her pendant, while Tambourine and Drum were fast asleep on the floor.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t find your mother’s pendant, Piccolo…” Videl said regretfully.
“It’s okay…” Piccolo mumbled. “She’s not my mother though.”
“Yeah Junior, she totally is!” Cymbal argued.

Zarba let out a satisfied sigh as she admired her newly purchased jewellery.
“Well I guess I could let Frikiza have one of these.” She smiled. They’re much prettier.”
“You know, we would have stood more of a chance of finding an old piece of jewellery if we hadn’t looked in fifty new jewellery stores.” Doria growled, glaring at Zarba disapprovingly.
“Listen, women who like wearing pendants like shopping for new pendants.” Zarba reasoned. “So ergo, we’re most likely to find the new owner of Frikiza’s pendant in a jewellery store.”
“Whatever.” Doria huffed. “I still think it was just an excuse for you to go shopping.”
“Well, that was a bonus…” Zarba admitted, smirking slightly.

At that moment, Frikiza arrived in the house after searching a large section of West City herself.
“Guys – sorry I’m late!” She panted. “Did you find it?”
“No… sorry. We didn’t.” Zarba replied.
“Oh no…” Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening in horror. “No, we have to find it!”
“Frikiza…” Doria said gently. “I know that pendant means a lot to you, but I’m sure Piccolo won’t mind getting you another one. I mean, it’s not the worst thing that could happen.”
“What?” Frikiza blinked. “No – Doria, you don’t understand! It’s not an ordinary pendant, it’s –”

Before she could speak another word, Chichi walked into the room carrying a stack of grocery bags.
“I’m home!” Chichi exclaimed, then her eyes widened at the sight of King Piccolo’s entire family sitting in her living room. “Aii!” She screamed in shock, dropping the groceries. “Goku! What are these things doing here!”
“Huh? Hey!” Cymbal frowned. “That’s not how you should talk about your guests!”
“My guests?” Chichi wailed. “I come home and find a house full of demonic monsters, and now you’re telling me they’re my guests!”
“Chichi, wait!” Goku cried. “They don’t mean any harm – they just wanted help looking for a pendant.”
“A pendant?” Chichi blinked.
“Yes…” Frikiza nodded. “I lost my pendant yesterday – it’s a white icicle that opens up, on a silver chain.”
“… Oh.” Chichi uttered, and pulled the very same pendant out of her pocket. “You mean this?”

Frikiza, Zarba and Doria all let out a loud gasp.
Yes!” Frikiza exclaimed excitedly. “That’s it! Where did you find it?”
“On the ground…” Chichi answered. “I was going to clean it and keep it for myself…”
“I’ll buy it off you for ten thousand zeni –”
“Done!” Chichi replied instantly, and tossed Frikiza the pendant.
“Thank you!” Frikiza beamed.
“What’s that weird symbol on the back?” Chichi asked.
“Oh… It’s just my name in my native language.” Frikiza answered. “I’ve had this pendant since I was twenty.”
“What?” Piccolo frowned in confusion, and looked at Zarba and Doria. “I thought you said my father bought it her?”
“Yeah… I did.” Zarba turned to Frikiza. “Didn’t you say it’s from Piccolo?”
“No… It’s not from Piccolo. I said it is Piccolo.” Frikiza replied. “I used this old one because I don’t wear it anymore, and… I wouldn’t really mind if he damaged it…”
“I don’t get it.” Zarba stated.

Frikiza’s face darkened, and she lowered her eyes.
“Well… um… this is the thing. A while ago, I decided that just in case Piccolo got out of hand, I should probably learn that evil containment wave that sealed him up years ago…” She mumbled. “And um…” Frikiza hesitated for a moment, and shifted uncomfortably. “Anyway, we… we sort of had an argument, and I used to wave to trap him in this pendant –” She held her hands up defensively, her eyes widening. “But I was only going to keep him in here for an hour, I swear!” She cried. “But then I went to West City, and um… when I came back I noticed he was gone! At first I thought maybe I’d just left him in the house, but I looked everywhere and I couldn’t find him, so I figured he must be in the City, and, well…” Her face darkened even more. “… that was yesterday afternoon.”
What!” Everyone cried.
“You… you mean…” Piano stammered, trembling. “King Piccolo has been trapped in that pendant since yesterday?”
“I know!” Frikiza wailed. “I feel terrible! Do you think he’ll be mad?”
“Mad?” Cymbal gasped. “Frikiza, he’ll be furious!”
“Mm-hm.” Zarba nodded. “And he does seem like the type to hold a grudge… If I were you Frikiza, I wouldn’t let him out at all.”
“What!” Frikiza cried. “Zarba – I can’t keep him trapped in here! He’s my husband!”
“Yeah, but there’s plenty more where he came from.” Zarba shrugged. She put her arm around Piccolo Junior, and leaned into him seductively. “Like this one.” Zarba purred. “It’s a newer model that’s both stronger and better looking. Why don’t you marry this one instead?”
“What!” Piccolo Junior barked, his face turning violet. “Get off me!” He violently shrugged her off.
“No!” Frikiza yelled. “I’m going to release him!”
“Well if you have to do that then do it outside!” Chichi barked. “I don’t want an angry demon destroying my house!”
“Will he really be that angry…?” Frikiza asked timidly.
“Of course!” Piano cried. “Frikiza, he hates being contained! So much so that he’s actually scared of rice cookers!”
“What?” Frikiza gasped. “I didn’t know he was afraid of anything.”
“Well, of course he wouldn’t tell you!” Piano replied. “He didn’t tell us, but… it’s obvious.”
“When you let him out I think you should offer to do that mouth thing that he likes.” Cymbal said, causing everyone in the room to blush deeply.
“You mean a blowjob?” Zarba casually asked.
Shut up!” Piccolo Junior screamed, clasping his hands over his ears.
“Well anyway… I’m going to release him outside!” Frikiza declared. She ran out of the house, closely followed by the others.

When they were outside, Zarba looked at Frikiza sceptically.
“You sure about this?” She asked. “You’re really attached to this one? We can get you a new demon.”
“Shut up Zarba, I’m not leaving him in there!” Frikiza yelled. “Okay…” She let out a breath, and closed her eyes. “Here goes. Everyone stand back.” Everyone obediently backed up away from Frikiza, and after mentally preparing herself for a furious evil demon, Frikiza opened the pendant, and the Demon King Piccolo came gushing out. His mutant children watched nervously as King Piccolo took his form before them, and Frikiza stared timidly at the enraged demon king. “Um… Piccolo?” She whimpered.

King Piccolo was sitting there on the ground in front of her with his arms folded, glaring at Frikiza with cold, deadly eyes. He wasn’t moving a muscle, and was completely silent except for a low, demonic growl that rumbled in his throat in time with his breathing. He didn’t blink once, and his fierce eyes were fixed solely on Frikiza.
“Oh wow…” Doria whimpered. He looks really mad…”
“Forget it, Frikiza.” Zarba said. “Just lock him back up and marry his son.”
“No!” Piccolo Junior snapped.

Frikiza ignored Zarba, and looked pleadingly at her husband.
“Um… Piccolo?” She uttered. “Honey? Are you mad…?”
Grrr…” King Piccolo growled louder, still not moving.
“I’m so sorry!” Frikiza wailed, and ran over to him. “I only meant to keep you in there for an hour, but then I lost the pendant and I’ve spent every second since trying to find it, I promise! I’ll never do that again, I swear! It was a stupid thing to do! Can you forgive me…?” She looked at King Piccolo hopefully, and after a long, agonising pause, he smirked.

Frikiza watched in confusion as King Piccolo rose to his feet, and smiled down at her.
“Frikiza, my little icicle…” He purred. “Don’t worry. I spent over three hundred years sealed away in that jar. So compared to that, what’s one measly day, hm?”
Phew…” Frikiza breathed, relieved that he wasn’t going absolutely berserk. Wow… This was really mature of him! She was impressed!
“Wow… King Piccolo seems to be taking this rather well.” Piano commented, watching the scene.
“It’s because Frikiza’s so wonderful and forgivable!” Cymbal grinned.
“Mm-hm!” Piano nodded in agreement. Meanwhile, Piccolo Junior watched his father with caution, not convinced that Piano and Cymbal were right.
“Darling…” King Piccolo smiled. “Don’t worry about it, really. I know you’re sorry.” He opened his arms out to Frikiza, and grinned at her. “Come here.”
“What?” Frikiza uttered, flinching in shock. “Really?”
“Mm-hm.” King Piccolo nodded.
“You’re… not mad at me at all?” Frikiza asked cautiously.
“Of course I am.” King Piccolo answered. “But you’re my wife. I have to forgive you.”
“Oh.” Frikiza blinked. “Well… okay.” She smiled, and hugged him, burying her face in his gi. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“I’m sure you will.” King Piccolo replied, wrapping his arms around Frikiza to hug her back.

Frikiza closed her eyes and smiled… then she started to frown when she noticed that King Piccolo’s grip was getting tighter.
“Um… Piccolo?” Frikiza said. “You’re hurting…”
“Although I do hate being sealed away…” King Piccolo began. “And I do seem to remember telling you that I never want it to happen to me again, not even for a second, for as long as I live.”
“Um…” Frikiza mumbled, sweat dropping.
“Do you remember me saying that, Dear?” King Piccolo asked, still holding a firm grip on Frikiza.
“I… I think so…” Frikiza replied.
“Good.” King Piccolo smirked.
“Piccolo, I’m –”

King Piccolo silenced Frikiza with a tight squeeze, pushing all the breath out of her lungs.
“You know what the most ironic thing is, Frikiza?” He hissed. “I’ve had the evil containment wave used on me so many times now, I’ve actually learned how to do it myself.”
“This doesn’t sound good…” Zarba uttered, while Frikiza remained silent but became increasingly concerned.
“And you know what else is ironic?” King Piccolo looked down at his wife. “Even though it’s called the ‘evil’ containment wave, you don’t have to be evil to fall victim to it. It can be used on children, or doctors, or nuns…” He narrowed his eyes at Frikiza, his ki flaring. “Or good-natured little icejins that want to play with demons!”
“Wh-What…?” Frikiza gasped.
“Oh, no…” Piano choked. “King Piccolo, no!”
Evil containment wave!”

Everyone cried out as they watched Frikiza being sealed inside her own pendant before their very eyes.
“No!” Zarba cried out and raced towards the pendant, but she came to a halt when King Piccolo slammed his foot onto it and flicked the pendant up towards himself.
“Nope!” He declared, ruining Zarba’s attempt to rescue Frikiza. He grabbed pendant in his hand and put it on, then glared at Zarba threateningly. “Do not even try to take this off me, otherwise I swear I’ll swallow it!”
“How long are you going to keep her in there!” Zarba demanded.
“Yeah – it was just an accident, Piccolo!” Doria yelled. “She didn’t mean to seal you away for so long – and she feels terrible about it!”
“I know.” King Piccolo grunted. “That’s why I’m only going to contain her for ten years.”
Ten years!” Zarba, Doria and the mutants all cried.
“Ten years is nothing!” King Piccolo barked. “I was sealed away for three hundred!”
“Yes, but – King Piccolo, please –” Piano began, but was soon cut off by a deadly glare from King Piccolo.
“You want me to make it twenty?” King Piccolo seethed.
“No, Sire…” Piano mumbled, backing down.

King Piccolo looked at the crowd, and frowned when he only saw two of his mutant children.
“Where are Tambourine and Drum?” He demanded.
“Oh – there’s passed out inside. They got drunk.” Goku answered.
“Tch.” King Piccolo snorted. “Well then, they can stay here. Boys, let’s go.” He leapt into the air, and flew off towards his mansion.
“King Piccolo! Wait!” Cymbal cried, and he and Piano flew after him. “Please let her go!”
“You wanna be sealed away too?” King Piccolo snarled.
“No…” Cymbal uttered.
“Then shut up!”
“Let her go, you freak!” Zarba yelled, and she and Doria raced after King Piccolo.

Gohan turned to Piccolo Junior.
“Piccolo – we have to help her!” He cried frantically.
“Don’t worry about it. He’s bluffing.” Piccolo Junior stated. “He won’t hold her for ten years.”
“Well how long will he hold her for?” Gohan asked.
“… I’m not sure.” Piccolo admitted. “Actually, I don’t care. He’s right – she shouldn’t play with demons.” He turned to fly away, and was about to take off when Chichi grabbed him.
“Hold it!” She barked. “You’re taking those monsters with you!”
“What?” Piccolo groaned. “Why me?”
“They’re your family!” Chichi argued.
“But –”
“No buts!” Chichi snapped. “Take them with you or I swear I’ll give them more alcohol and drop them off at Kami’s Lookout!”
“Piccolo… I’d do what she says if I were you.” Goku said. “Because she really will do that.”
“Okay, okay! I’ll take them!” Piccolo Junior cried, holding his hands up defensively. He looked at Goku and Gohan. “Can one of you at least give me a hand?”
“Which one’s the fat one?” Gohan asked.
“Drum.” Piccolo answered.
“Okay, sure.” Gohan nodded. “You take him and I’ll take Tambourine.” And he went inside the house.

Chapter Text

“So? What do you think?”
“Wow…” Doria stared with wide eyes at her comrade Zarba, who was dressed in a lacy red corset and black stockings. Her makeup was smoky and seductive, and her skin was glowing under a light, scented oil. Doria moved her eyes to Zarba’s chest, and they widened even more. “Are you wearing padding?”
“No.” Zarba smirked. “But thanks. You think it’ll work?”
“Uh…” Doria uttered. It had been three days since King Piccolo had sealed Frikiza in her own pendant, and despite an endless amount of threats and begging from Zarba, Doria and his mutant children, the demon king still wouldn’t let Frikiza go. So, Zarba had decided to save Frikiza with the thing she did best – seduction. “Yeah.” Doria nodded. “But let’s test it. You ready?”
“Mm-hm!” Zarba nodded, and followed Doria out of the room.

The girls made their way through Frikiza and King Piccolo’s mansion, and stopped outside Tambourine’s bedroom.
“Okay,” Doria looked at Zarba. “Step aside.” Zarba obeyed and moved a few steps away from the door, leaning against the wall to keep out of sight. Doria knocked on Tambourine’s door, and smiled when he answered. “Hi, Tambourine.”
“Oh… Hi Doria.” Tambourine greeted her. “What’s up?”
“I need a favour, if you don’t mind?” Doria asked. “I need you to take a look at something for me?”
“Okay… sure.” Tambourine shrugged. “What?”
“That.” Doria pointed at Zarba, who stepped in front of Tambourine and posed for him.
“Hey, Big Boy.” She purred.

Tambourine’s face turned bright purple and he let out a loud scream as the biggest nosebleed in the world came upon him. He yelped and clasped his hands over his exploding nose, his eyes almost popping out of his skull, and he bolted into his bathroom.
“Yeah, I think it’ll work.” Doria grinned.
“Perfect!” Zarba exclaimed. “Let’s do it.”


Meanwhile, King Piccolo was sat in his throne, napping with his eyes open.
“I can’t see it…” Doria whispered as she and Zarba looked in at him from outside the room. “It must be in his pocket.”
“Oh, fun.” Zarba smirked. “You know… he is asleep. Maybe I could just swipe it.” She suggested.
“You already tried three times!” Doria argued. “He can hear you moving – even his kids can’t go near that thing without waking him.”
“I know…” Zarba sighed. “It was a long shot. Okay, I’m going.” She made her way into the room.

King Piccolo was in the middle of a dream when the sound of footsteps started to wake him. He managed to remain asleep, until he sensed someone right in front of him. King Piccolo’s eyes snapped opened, and then widened at the sight of… Zarba? Wow… What was she wearing? Was this a dream? “Hi.” Zarba winked at him.
“Uh…” King Piccolo uttered. “… Hi.”

He tensed a little as Zarba moved closer to him.
“So…” Zarba purred, placing herself on King Piccolo’s lap. “I was thinking… Now that Friki’s gone, you’re the boss around here, aren’t you?” She smirked, and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “And, I’m sure Frikiza already told you… I’m a boss kind of girl.”
“Yeah…” King Piccolo replied, and smirked. “She mentioned you’re a gold-digger.”
“And guess who’s got the most gold of all?” Zarba replied, trailing her finger up his large, muscular bicep. She looked into his eyes, her lips gliding into a seductive smile. “… You.”
“I suppose that’s right…” King Piccolo uttered, staring down at her chest. Wow. Were those… real? And her hips, and her waist… She had a better body than Frikiza!
“You want to feel?” Zarba offered, causing King Piccolo’s eyes to widen.
“Wh-What?” He choked.
“Go ahead.” Zarba winked. “On one condition… I get to be your new wife.”
“That sounds fine to me.” King Piccolo grinned. “I was starting to get bored anyway.” Oh, yeah! This was fantastic! Ha! Was Zarba really this disloyal to her friend? After so many failed attempts to rescue Frikiza, was she really going to turn her back on her? … No. No, that didn’t make sense. Zarba wasn’t trying to replace Frikiza… She was trying to save her! She was after the pendant. Tch. Pathetic. Well, she wasn’t getting it! That was impossible. … Still. Zarba didn’t need to know that yet, did she? King Piccolo could entertain her little rescue mission for now… After all, it was fun. Incredibly fun…

King Piccolo’s eyes glowed with lust as he placed his hands firmly on Zarba’s large, firm breasts, causing her to let out a sharp gasp.
“Wow… You’re rough.” She commented. “You really are a demon, huh?”
“Yep.” King Piccolo smirked, trailing his hands down to her ass. He grabbed her forcefully, pulling her down onto him. “Do you like it rough?”
“Oh, yeah…” Zarba moaned, running her hand up his thigh. Dammit, where was his pocket? He had to have one somewhere! Where else would he keep that pendant? Unless it was in his shirt…

Zarba trailed her hand up King Piccolo’s chest, caressing his firm muscles as she tried to feel for a pocket inside his clothing. No… it must be in his pants somewhere. She kept her eyes locked on him, giving him a flirtatious glance and smirking seductively as she moved her free hand up his other thigh. Okay, so could feel something… … No. No, that… wasn’t a pendant. Holy hell, it was huge! How did Frikiza manage it?
“Mm.” King Piccolo grinned at Zarba lustfully as he felt her hand on him. He slammed his palm into her butt, spanking her hard and listening in glee to the high-pitched yelp that escaped Zarba’s lips. King Piccolo growled in satisfaction and moved his hands up to her breasts again. “Show me these.” He ordered.
“Sure, Big Boy…” Zarba replied, becoming worried by the fact that the pendant didn’t seem to be anywhere on his person. Fuck… Had he swallowed it? He said he wasn’t going to do that! Maybe she could convince him to spit it out… Dammit! Okay. She had to think.

Zarba gave in to King Piccolo’s demand to buy herself sometime, and unfastened her corset to show him her chest. King Piccolo stared at her almost naked body, his eyes lighting up excitedly like a kid in a candy store. Oh, fuck…
What is going on here?”
“Huh?” Zarba gasped. That voice… it was…

She looked around to see Frikiza standing in the doorway beside a worried-looking Doria, with her arms folded.
“Zarba?” Frikiza snarled, glaring angrily at her friend.
“What?” Zarba blinked. “But… You…” She looked at King Piccolo. “… You released her?”
“Yeah. This morning.” King Piccolo answered with a devilish smirk. “I missed her.” He looked at Zarba’s body again, and moved his eyes back up to her. “Thanks, though.” He grinned. “This was fun.”
“You…” Zarba choked. “You knew what I was doing…?”
“Of course.” King Piccolo nodded. He tapped her ass and took hold of her hips, then placed her back on the floor. “And believe me,” He smirked. “We both appreciate it.”

Zarba stood there, mortified. So… So he knew… He knew why she was doing that – and he’d already released Frikiza, and he… he let her carry on? Oh, God… She… she felt so violated. That… that monster. That…
“Shit.” King Piccolo uttered, his eyes widening as Zarba’s ki suddenly exploded. Oh, fuck…


Elsewhere in the world, Piccolo Junior was enjoying a peaceful, undisturbed meditation session in the calm wilderness, when an almighty scream shattered his concentration. “Junior!” Oh, hell. What did he want now?

Piccolo Junior looked up, his eyes burning angrily as he saw his father racing towards him. “Son!” King Piccolo panted, stopping in front of Junior. “Quick – switch clothes with me!”
“What!” Piccolo Junior barked. “What’s going on!”
“No time.” King Piccolo answered, grabbing the turban off Piccolo Junior’s head. He placed the turban on himself, then pulled off Piccolo Junior’s cape.
“Hey!” Piccolo Junior barked. “What –” He saw his father raise his hand to him, and Piccolo Junior looked down to see that he was suddenly wearing his father’s cape and clothing over his own gi.
“Listen.” King Piccolo said, putting on Piccolo Junior’s clothes. “You haven’t seen me.”
“But –” Piccolo Junior barely got time to respond before his father bolted off into the distance. What the hell…? What was going on?

Piccolo Junior looked up to see Frikiza, Zarba and Doria racing at him, all three of them looking furious.
“You pervert!” Zarba screamed, grabbing hold of Junior. “How dare you take advantage of me! I’m not a servant, you know!”
“Piccolo, I can’t believe you would – huh?” Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening. “Wait – Junior?” She grabbed Zarba’s hands, which were now clasped tightly around Piccolo Junior’s throat, and pulled them off him. “Zarba, stop! It’s not him!”
“Huh?” Zarba uttered. She looked at Piccolo Junior, studying him. “… Oh yeah. This is his kid. Okay.” She glared at Piccolo Junior. “Where’s your father!”
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him.” Piccolo Junior recited. What the hell was going on!
“He’s lying!” Doria yelled. “I can always tell – he’s covering for him!”
Junior.” Frikiza hissed. “Tell me where he is, now.”
“Why?” Piccolo Junior demanded. “What did he do?”
“He sexually assaulted me!” Zarba cried.

Piccolo Junior looked at her, and noticed that she was wearing heavy makeup and what appeared to be a sex costume.
“… Well…” He uttered. “Can you blame him?”
What!” Zarba screamed. “How dare you! You think I brought this on myself?”
“Well why the hell do you dress like that around a demon?” Piccolo Junior argued. “He’s not a good person!”
“Let’s go, he’s not going to tell us anything.” Doria frowned.
“Junior – please.” Frikiza begged. “Just tell us where he went.”
“Sorry.” Piccolo Junior said stubbornly. “I’m not getting involved. Your business is your business.”
“Is that so…?” Zarba uttered, then smirked. “Well then, let me show you what he did.”
“Hey!” Piccolo Junior cried out as Zarba grabbed his hands and pushed them onto her chest.
“Look! See? This is what he did! You think this is acceptable behaviour?” Zarba barked.
“No!” Piccolo Junior cried, his face turning violet. “Get off me!” He yanked his hands away and pointed after his father. “He went that way!”
“Thanks!” The women beamed, and shot off after King Piccolo.

Piccolo Junior stared down at his hands, his cheeks still violet and feeling like they were on fire. Gross… What the hell did his father see in those things? Piccolo Junior looked around for the nearest source of water, and raced off to wash his hands in a nearby stream.

Chapter Text

“I say we exorcise him!” Zarba exclaimed.
“Exorcise him?” Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening.
“Yeah.” Zarba nodded. “He’s a demon, right? So all we have to do is hire an exorcist and banish him forever.”

Meanwhile, while the girls were discussing his punishment, King Piccolo was hanging off the wall, tied up with ki restraints after finally being captured by Frikiza, Zarba and Doria. His blood boiled as he thought about the traitor that had given him away. Damn Junior… He’d told them just where they could find him! The little bastard!
“Shut up!” King Piccolo barked at the women. “Don’t be ridiculous, that won’t work! Who in their right mind would even attempt to exorcise me?”
“Oh, Incubus…” Zarba smirked. “I think you’re underestimating how much people are willing to risk their lives when there is an endless supply of money to be earned.”
“I don’t have an endless supply of money.” Frikiza growled.
“And banishing him does seem a little harsh…” Doria mumbled.
“Exactly – I don’t want to banish him!” Frikiza cried. “I just want to punish him.”
“Punish me? For what!” King Piccolo demanded.

He moved his eyes to Zarba. “You should be thanking me!”
Thanking you!” Zarba gasped. “You pretended Frikiza was still sealed away just so you could perv on me!”
“Yes, I know.” King Piccolo smirked. “That’s precisely why you should be thanking me.”
Explain yourself!” Zarba screamed, leaping at him. She grabbed hold of his antennae and tugged at them harshly, keeping her grip tight as she glared into his eyes. “Or I’ll rip these off.”

King Piccolo forced himself to ignore the white pain that shot through his antennae, and he shuddered under Zarba’s touch.
“You say the sexiest things.” He purred. He watched Zarba intently, and for a split second she blushed and smirked a little, before once again looking angry. “Ha!” King Piccolo exclaimed triumphantly. “See! Don’t try to kid yourself, Zarba – you love the attention! You’re just as vein as Zarbon, you can’t resist feeding your ego!” He looked at her intently, and smirked. “Darling… you are beautiful. You’re hot – and you know it, and you want everybody else to know it. If I hadn’t wanted you to show me that gorgeous body of yours, you would have been furious!”

Zarba paused for a moment, considering the notion. Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to work out if there was any truth to what King Piccolo was saying, and finally… She let go of his antennae, and smirked a little.
“You have a point.” Zarba admitted. “I do like people to know I’m beautiful…” She grinned widely and stared down at her frame. “And my body is gorgeous, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” King Piccolo winked.
“Oh my God…” Doria groaned. “Zarba – seriously? You’re going to fall for that? Why is being hot so important to you!”
“You’re only saying that because you can never be as beautiful as me.” Zarba replied arrogantly. “Friki, I think we should let him go.”
“What? No!” Frikiza gasped.

She looked at King Piccolo sternly. “Piccolo – I don’t care if Zarba’s forgiven you, it doesn’t change the fact that you were willing to - - to be intimate with another woman! What if I hadn’t walked in when I did? What would have happened then?”
“Hm? Oh… I’m not sure.” King Piccolo looked at Zarba curiously. “How far were you willing to go?”
“Uh… I kind of assumed I’d grab the pendant before anything happened…” Zarba said. “But, I don’t know… Maybe a handjob?”
“What!” Doria gasped, staring at Zarba with wide eyes. “You really would have?”
“Well, as far as I was concerned I was saving Frikiza’s life!” Zarba protested. “Anyway – what does it matter, it didn’t come to that!”
“Yeah, because I intervened!” Frikiza yelled. She glared at King Piccolo angrily. “Listen – I know this is a sham marriage, but couldn’t you at least show some kind of loyalty? Do you really not care about me at all, Piccolo!”
“Well from what I heard, icejin husbands cheat on their wives all the time.” King Piccolo answered with a sinister smirk. “So you should be used to it.”
What!” Frikiza screamed, her ki erupting so wildly it made the entire room shake.
“Oh crap!” Doria whimpered, taking cover with Zarba.
“Nice knowing you, Inky…” Zarba mumbled.

King Piccolo remained calm as Frikiza floated up to his level, glaring fiercely into his eyes. She formed a ki ball on her index finger and snarled at him, her eyes glowing with anger as she prepared to vaporise him.
“Piccolo…” Frikiza hissed. “You… aren’t an icejin, and if all you want to do is use me and my money to get whatever you want, then… then we aren’t going to have a marriage! I’ll take my chances in my own universe, and you can go right back to hell –”
“Frikiza, calm down.” King Piccolo interrupted her. He looked at Frikiza, and snorted. “Nothing was going to happen.” He scoffed. “I just wanted to look – because guess what? I’m a demon! I’m not designed to behave!” He glared at Frikiza angrily, annoyed that he had to explain himself because she was too stupid to figure it out for herself. “I was just about to push her off me and tell her where you were, you fool! If you’d walked in five seconds later you would have found her on the ground!”
“He was going to what?” Zarba frowned.
“Now’s not the time.” Doria sighed.

Frikiza hesitated, her ki lowering as she calmed down a little.
“What…?” She uttered, dispersing her ki ball. “You… weren’t going to cheat on me?”
“No.” King Piccolo growled. “Can’t you figure that out for yourself, you idiot? Icejins have brains, don’t they?”
“But… why?” Frikiza asked, staring at him in bewilderment. “… Zarba’s hot.”
“Yes, she is.” King Piccolo said with a smirk. “Maybe even hotter than you.” Frikiza frowned in annoyance, and became even more annoyed when she heard Zarba giggling behind her. “But…” King Piccolo looked away. “You’re my wife.”
“… But it’s a sham marriage.” Frikiza mumbled.
“I know.” King Piccolo seethed, jerking his head back up to yell at Frikiza. “So what is your point!” He screamed. “Frikiza – I’m not going to cheat on you because you’re my wife and I would never do that to you, but by all means if you want me to betray you then just say the word, because I will have a lot more fun if I don’t give a crap about you, you useless, weak, soft-hearted little lizard!”

Frikiza’s eyes widened, and for a brief moment her heart stopped. Wow. Did he… did he just admit…?
“Hey… Frikiza?” Doria’s voice came from behind her. Frikiza turned round to see Doria and Zarba smiling at her. “You know those three words you’ve always wanted Piccolo to say to you?” Doria smirked. “I think that’s the best you’re gonna get.”
“Yeah…” Frikiza uttered quietly. “I think it is.”

She turned to King Piccolo, and smiled at him brightly. “Piccolo – you do care about me!”
“What!” King Piccolo cried. “No! No, I – I just called you a useless weak lizard!”
“Yeah, but… before that.” Frikiza giggled. She held her palm out and destroyed his ki restraints, and watched as King Piccolo dropped to the ground.
“Frikiza!” King Piccolo barked, staring up at her. “Listen –” He was suddenly cut off by Frikiza’s lips locking onto his, and her arms and legs wrapped themselves tightly around his torso. What the hell? So now she wasn’t going to kill him anymore, just because she was under the illusion that he’d admitted he cared about her? But… he didn’t care about her! It was a sham marriage! … Tch. Whatever. So long as it shut her up.

King Piccolo wrapped his arms around Frikiza and returned the kiss, closing his eyes as he held himself against her warm, soft lips. Hm… She smelt nice… Okay, whatever! King Piccolo opened his eyes and pulled his lips away. “So you’re going to stop whining now?” He growled.
“For the moment.” Frikiza replied. “Until you screw up again.”
“Fine.” King Piccolo grunted. He glanced at Zarba, who was still wearing a corset, and smirked. “So…” He looked at Zarba, and back at Frikiza. “If you think she’s hot too… how about a threesome?”
No!” Frikiza barked, smacking her palm across his face. “That’s screwing up!”
“Sorry, Inky.” Zarba sniggered. “Friki and I are definitely history… but if you want, I can describe it to you?”
“Zabra!” Frikiza gasped, her face turning violet.
“Sure.” King Piccolo answered. He put Frikiza down and approached Zarba, putting his arm around her as they walked out of the room. “So… did you ever wear this?”
“Well, I had one similar…”

Frikiza clasped her hands over her face and groaned.
“Is she… really going to tell him…?” She whimpered.
“Well… he said it.” Doria answered. “Zarba likes knowing people find her attractive, so I guess she’d love to tell a story where her attractiveness is the main feature.”
“But… it’s embarrassing!” Frikiza cried.
“Well… that’s what you get when you let your hot ex meets your pervert husband.” Doria shrugged. “Sorry, Frikiza. Want me to help you separate them?”
“Of course I do!” Frikiza snapped, and she and Doria raced after King Piccolo and Zarba.

Chapter Text

It was after dinner in the Son house. Goten had gone to play with Trunks and Chichi was tackling the dishes along with her dinner guest Videl.
“Thanks for dinner, Chichi.” Goku smiled as he came up beside her, putting his hand on his wife’s back. “I’m going to train with King Kai now.”
What!” Chichi screamed, slamming the dishes down. “Goku – you’ve been there all day! Can’t you spend a little time with your family for once?”
“But…” Goku mumbled. “I came back for dinner –”
“That’s because he refused to feed you.” Chichi frowned. “We have company! Don’t be so rude!”
“Oh – it’s okay.” Videl smiled, looking at Goku. “You don’t have to stay on my account –”
“He does!” Chichi barked, cutting her off.

At that moment, there was a furious banging on the door.
“Now who’s trying to break the house?” Chichi sighed in annoyance.
“I’ll find out.” Gohan announced. He went to open the door, and as soon as it was open a panic-stricken Piccolo Junior bolted inside.
“Close the door!” He cried as he raced into the kitchen. “Goku – can you please close your curtains?”
“What?” Goku blinked. “Piccolo, what’s up? Did you want to join us for dinner?”
“Sorry Piccolo, dinner’s over.” Chichi said.
“Yeah, but it’s no problem!” Goku grinned. “Chichi’ll fix you something up – won’t you Chichi?”
“What!” Chichi gasped. “What am I, a slave?”
“No, of course not!” Goku protested. “But – just give him some of the leftovers.”
“What leftovers, Goku? There are no leftovers!” Chichi yelled. “When, for the duration of our entire marriage, have there ever been any leftovers!”
“Guys – it’s fine, I don’t want to eat!” Piccolo insisted, holding up his hands. “Look – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude – but I didn’t know where else to go. I… I need your help.”

Everyone looked at him, suddenly seeming concerned.
“What’s wrong, Piccolo?” Videl asked. “You’re not in trouble, are you…?”
“Yes.” Piccolo answered, reaching for the curtains. “Sorry – I need you to block all the windows.”
“Wait!” Chichi said, grabbing his hand. She looked at him sternly. “Piccolo, what’s going on? Is there something we need to be worried about?”
“No! No, not at all. You have absolutely no reason to worry.” Piccolo assured her. “This just… this just affects me.”

He looked at the others, and they stared back curiously. Dammit… They weren’t going to let this go, were they…? … Fine. Piccolo let out a sigh, and lowered his eyes. “I… I’m being…” His face darkened slightly. “… Hunted.”
“Hunted?” Gohan gasped. “By who?”
“Do they want to kill you?” Videl asked.
“No.” Piccolo Junior growled. “If they wanted to kill me, that would actually be better… Then we could just take them out.”
“So… who are they?” Goku asked. “What do they want?”

Piccolo hesitated, then looked away, his face darkening even more.
“You guys uh… You know my father’s wife, right? Frikiza?”
“Yeah?” They all nodded.
“Well… she has a daughter.” Piccolo Junior continued. “Kuria. I met her at their wedding, and well… I didn’t really speak to her much, but she’s visiting my father and Frikiza now, and I haven’t seen her in a couple of months, and she uh… she kind of…” He looked up at the others, who continued to stare at him, hanging on his every word. Oh, hell… This was humiliating. “She… she sort of…” Piccolo’s face turned violet as he uttered, “… has a crush on me.”

The room fell silent for a moment, then Goku, Chichi, Videl and Gohan all burst out laughing.
“A – A crush!” Goku exclaimed. “You mean - - she likes you? Like a boyfriend?”
No!” Piccolo screamed. “No – not like a boyfriend! I’m not interested in her, but she – she keeps chasing me! She…” He looked away, his blush so strong even his ears were purple. “She keeps trying to kiss me!”
Ahhhahahaha!” They laughed even louder.
“Oh my God!” Videl giggled, clasping her hands over her mouth. “That’s so cute!”
“Cute!” Piccolo cried.
“Yeah – I never thought you’d get a girlfriend, Piccolo!” Gohan grinned.
“She’s not my girlfriend!” Piccolo barked.
“H… Hey…” Goku sniggered, calming down a little. “But… if she’s Frikiza’s daughter, and Frikiza’s married to your dad, doesn’t that mean she’s your sister?”
“Well… no.” Piccolo sighed. “We kind of had an agreement… It was at my father’s wedding – you guys know I wasn’t crazy about him marrying Frikiza, right? Well it turns out that Kuria didn’t like her mother marrying my father either, so… at the wedding, she came up to me and we made a deal that we wouldn’t call ourselves brother and sister.” He explained. “At the time, I thought it was a good idea… but what I didn’t realise was that she’d basically tricked me into agreeing that it was okay for us to date! Now she won’t leave me alone!”

Chichi giggled.
“Piccolo, how old is she?” She asked.
“I don’t know… maybe around Vegeta’s age.” Piccolo shrugged. “But apparently in icejin years she’s like a teenager.”
“Oh, well don’t worry. It’s probably just a phase.” Chichi shrugged. “All young girls get crushes, nothing ever comes from it.”
“Chichi…” Piccolo uttered, staring at her. “Didn’t you marry the guy you had a crush on?”
“That’s different!” Chichi snapped. “That was a very special circumstance – Goku and I had our first date when we were twelve and we got married when we were nineteen – teenage relationships never usually last that long!”

Gohan and Videl looked at her sceptically, and Chichi let out a sigh. “You know what I mean… our family is just very lucky in that we managed to find our soul mates early – but that isn’t what’s happening with Piccolo.” She looked at Piccolo Junior. “Kuria’s not your soul mate, she’s just a troubled teenager acting out.”
“Yeah.” Videl nodded in agreement. “Actually… that might be right. I mean – her home life isn’t very stable, right? And it sounds like she doesn’t like her new stepfather, so… Piccolo, I don’t think she really likes you. She hardly knows you, right? It sounds like a control thing.”
“Control thing?” Piccolo blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I think I understand…” Gohan mumbled. He looked at Videl. “She can’t control anything else in her life, so she’s going after Piccolo to try and claim something for her own, right?”
“Yeah.” Videl nodded. “Trust me Piccolo – she only wants you because you don’t want her, she’s just trying to get back a little power.”
“Well then, how do I scare her off!” Piccolo cried. “She’s staying here for another two weeks! I can’t hide for that long.”
“Well… Piccolo, I think you’re just gonna have to make her lose interest in you.” Videl answered.
“Okay, so how do I do that?” Piccolo asked.
“Well…” Videl mumbled. “All she wants is the chase, so… stop the chase.”
“Right – yeah, I get that.” Piccolo nodded. “But how do I do it?”

They all looked at him, and Piccolo started to grow increasingly nervous. “Guys… Would you mind giving me some answers…?”
“Piccolo…” Chichi uttered. “She only wants you because you don’t want her, so to make her stop wanting you… you know…”
“No…” Piccolo whimpered, his eyes widening. “No… I don’t…”
“Piccolo, I think they mean you have to date her.” Goku said.
No!” Piccolo screamed, leaping away from them. “No – there has to be another way!”
“Dad, I don’t think he needs to actually date her.” Gohan said.
“Right!” Piccolo exclaimed, nodding enthusiastically at Gohan. “That’s right – I don’t need to date her, do I?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Gohan replied, and smirked. “Just kissing her should do.”

Piccolo backed up against the wall, his eyes wide with horror and his entire body shaking. “No! I’m not doing that! There is no way in hell that I’m kissing her!”
“Well then, she’ll just keep chasing you.” Videl said. “And the longer you let it go on, the worse it’ll be.”
“But… she’s going home in two weeks.” Piccolo stammered. “You know – maybe I was wrong. I can probably hold out until then…”
“Yeah, and the whole time she’s away she’ll be pining for you.” Chichi said. “And when she comes back, it’ll be even worse than before.”
“And what if she decides to stay next time?” Gohan reasoned. “Frikiza has a room for her, right?”
“S-Stay…?” Piccolo choked. Oh, no… What if she decided to stay?
“Honestly, I think this is your best shot.” Videl said. “You need to nip this in the bud.”
“But… I…” Piccolo uttered. “I can’t… I don’t know how to kiss anyone!”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, Piccolo. It’s easy.” Goku grinned. “Here.”

He started walking towards the namek. “You can practice on me.”
No!” Piccolo screamed, jumping away from Goku as Gohan, Videl and Chichi all burst out laughing.
“What?” Goku blinked. “It’s just a practice, it’s nothing weird… Would you rather practice on a girl?” He looked over at his wife. “Hey – Chichi, would you mind?”
What!” Chichi wailed, her face turning red. “Me? What about Videl! She’s younger, she’ll feel more like Kuria!”
“But I’m not an icejin!” Videl squealed, also blushing.
“No!” Piccolo cried. “I don’t want to kiss any of you! I don’t even want to kiss Kuria!”
“But you have to.” Goku insisted. “It’s like Videl said – she’s gonna keep wanting you until you want her. This is the best way to make her lose interest.”
“But it…” Piccolo whimpered. “It’s… it’s dirty.”
“Dirty?” Chichi growled. “You grew up in the wilderness and now you’re worried about being dirty? At least she’s rich – she’s one of the most well-groomed girls you’ll ever meet!”

Piccolo swallowed, and looked at Goku hesitantly. He couldn’t believe this… He couldn’t believe this was happening! He’d… he’d have to… with Frikiza’s… Ew! It was disgusting! There had to be another way!
“I can’t.” Piccolo said. “I’m – I’m not into that stuff! We have to come up with another plan!”
“Piccolo, it’s not that bad. Honest.” Gohan smiled. “You don’t mind touching people, right? It’s just like holding someone’s hand… but on your lips.”
“Well… it’s a little more involved than that…” Videl mumbled. “I mean, if… if she… gets into it…”

Everyone except Piccolo started sniggering again, while he looked at them in bewilderment.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“Nothing, don’t worry.” Gohan laughed. “I’m sure it won’t come to that – she’s just a kid, right?”
“Well… yeah, I think so. At the most she’s maybe about your age…” Piccolo answered, looking sceptically at Gohan and Videl. “Uh… do you guys… do a special kind of kiss?”
“Uh…” Gohan and Videl uttered, each of them turning bright red.
“I certainly hope not.” Chichi growled, folding her arms and looking at the couple sternly. “You aren’t married yet.”
“Anyway…” Gohan said, moving swiftly on. He looked at Piccolo. “Don’t worry, it’ll be over before you –”

Piccolo’s eyes widened as a high-pitched feminine scream erupted through the house, followed by a rampageous knocking on the door. “Junior! I know you’re in there!”
“Crap!” Piccolo cried. “How did she find me?”
“Junior… come out, Handsome…” The voice purred, and Goku and his family started sniggering behind Piccolo.
Shut up!” Piccolo growled, glaring at them.
“Come on… I’m not wearing any underwear…”

Piccolo flinched, while the others gasped and burst out laughing again.
“Wait!” Piccolo looked at them worriedly. “Why is she telling me that? What does that mean?”
“It means your sister’s a hussy.” Chichi replied.
“But –”
“Junior! If you don’t let me in I’ll cry!”
“Oh, no…” Piccolo groaned. “Not that again… She cries for hours at a time, and then my father’s furious at me for upsetting her.”
“Aw…” Videl smiled. “He cares about her?”
“What? No!” Piccolo frowned. “He just hates the noise.”
Waaaaa!” A loud, excruciating crying echoed through the house as Kuria kept her word.

Everyone covered their ears, and the Son family looked at Piccolo.
“Let her in!” Goku ordered.
“But –”
I’ll go.” Chichi huffed, and headed for the door. “Listen Missy, that nonsense won’t work on – aii!” She cried out as a young icejin girl bolted past her, harshly knocking Chichi into the wall.

The icejin charged towards Piccolo like a magnet, and wrapped her limbs around him as she leapt onto his frame.
“Junior, where have you been all morning? I missed you so much!” She crooned, hugging him tightly.

Goku and his family started sniggering again as they watched Piccolo Junior becoming more uncomfortable by the second. He was stood as stiff as a board, turning his face as far away from Kuria as he could.
“Kuria… get off me…” Piccolo growled. He glanced at her, and noticed her face was covered in heavy makeup. “What did you do to yourself?”
“Oh – do you like it?” Kuria asked.

She jumped off him and stood in front of Piccolo, allowing him to study her new look. Goku and his family also studied her curiously. Kuria looked almost identical to Frikiza, except the armour on her head, arms and legs was a very pale brown colour where Frikiza’s was pink, and the shield on her head was spiked up, making her look kind of like a chestnut. She was wearing skin-tight black shorts that had a thin red veil hanging off the black of them, with apparently no underwear underneath. Her midsection was bare and her chest was covered by a small black top that just covered her breasts. There was another piece of red fabric hanging off her top – a veil-like piece that covered her arms and almost reached her shoulders. Unlike her mother, Kuria had no horns, and she wore a black choker around her neck, and a black spikey bracelet around each wrist. She also wore a black spikey anklet around each ankle, and her face was heavily made up. Her eye shadow was dark and overly done; she wore thick mascara on her eyelashes and her eyes were bordered with thick black eyeliner. Her lips were a deep purple colour, painted with thick lipstick and her smooth pink cheeks, which were a darker shade of pink than the middle of her face, were made even darker with strong blusher.
“Wow… she looks kind of… gothic.” Gohan mumbled.
“Definitely a troubled teen.” Chichi nodded.

Kuria looked at Piccolo Junior, seemingly oblivious to her audience.
“What do you think?” She asked.
“Uh…” Piccolo studied her, unsure of how to react. Was she supposed to be attractive like that? “It’s… a little much…”
“You don’t like it…?” Kuria whimpered, her eyes glistening and her lip wobbling.
“No!” Piccolo gasped, holding his hands up to stop her crying. He couldn’t stand the sound of it – and his namekian hearing made Kuria’s crying even more unbearable! “No – it’s good, it’s just –”
“Yay!” Kuria exclaimed, and leapt onto him again. “Oh Junior, I knew you’d like it! If you want, I can dress like this for our wedding.”
“W-Wedding?” Piccolo Junior gasped.
“See, Piccolo.” Chichi said. “What did we tell you? The longer you leave it…”
“Kuria!” Piccolo cried, staring at the girl. “This is insane! We barely know each other!”
“I know, and yet I feel so strongly for you…” Kuria smiled. “That’s a sign that we’re meant to be together, right?”
“Our parents are married!” Piccolo yelled.
“Hey!” Kuria barked, glaring at him. “You said we aren’t brother and sister! You can’t take it back now just because you have cold feet about the wedding!”
“There’s not going to be a wedding!” Piccolo Junior roared, pushing her off him.

He glared down at Kuria, his ki rising. “Look – I’ve had enough of this! I’ve tried to be nice to you, but – Kuria, I am not interested in you! I’m not interested in romance at all, but even if I was, the last person I’d be interested in is the spoilt little daughter of Frieza! Do I make myself clear? You could be the last person in the universe and I still wouldn’t want to marry you!”

The room fell silent, and everyone looked at Kuria.
“Piccolo… that was a little harsh.” Videl mumbled.
“Too bad, she needed to hear it.” Piccolo grunted. “I should have said it from the start.”
“Yeah, but… she is just a kid… You could have had a little concern for a young girl’s feelings!” Chichi frowned. Piccolo simply snorted, and watched Kuria.

Kuria remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. She stared at Piccolo, her eyes becoming more teary, until she finally burst into tears.
No!” She wailed, causing everyone to flinch and slam their hands over their ears. Piccolo gritted his teeth in agony as Kuria’s high-pitched crying felt like a drill through his head, and he glared at her.
“Kuria –”
“No! Junior, you don’t understand!” Kuria cried, tears streaming down her face. “We’re meant to be together! We’re… we’re soul mates!” The entire house started to shake as Kuria screamed at the top of her lungs, her ki erupting around her.
“Piccolo, get her outside!” Gohan cried. “She’s going to destroy the house!”
“Yeah I know – Kuria, come with me!” Piccolo grabbed hold of the screaming icejin and dragged her outside, holding her against him in an attempt to restrain her chaotic energy. “Calm down! You’re going to destroy the planet!” He watched nervously as the ground started to split underneath them, shaking wildly under the force of Kuria’s energy.
“I don’t care!” Kuria snarled. “Junior…” She stared up into Piccolo’s eyes. “One day, you will fall in love with me, and the more you deny it the more damage it’ll cause! Even if I have to destroy this whole planet, I will make you see that we’re supposed to be together.”
“Kuria, are you nuts!” Piccolo yelled. “You don’t even know me! And I’m not that great of a catch – I don’t know a thing about women, or romance. Believe me, you can do a lot better than me.”
“Junior…” Kuria uttered, her face softening as her ki eased down a little. “You may think that… but I don’t. Even if you don’t want me now, I’m not going to give up on you. In fact, I’m going to try even harder to show you what a good match we are.”

Piccolo groaned inwardly. She wasn’t going to give up, was she? No matter what he said to push her away, she was just clinging on even more. Maybe he did have to… He looked over at Goku and his family, who were now standing outside the house watching Piccolo and Kuria. Oh, this was humiliating… This was the worst thing that could possibly happen to him! Not only would he have to… with Frikiza’s daughter… but he had an audience!
“Guys.” Piccolo Junior growled, glaring at the Sons. “Can you go inside?”
“Nope.” They answered confidently.
“I think at least Gohan and I should stay out here – in case she does try to blow up the planet.” Goku grinned.
“Stop looking so happy!” Piccolo barked.

He let out a sigh, and looked down at Kuria. He couldn’t believe he was doing this… This was by far the worst thing he would ever do in his life. Maybe he could gather the dragon balls and wish for his memory to be erased afterwards… “Kuria…” Piccolo mumbled reluctantly. A deep blush formed on his cheek as he stared down at the icejin girl, with absolutely no idea what to say. “I… uh…” Crap. He wasn’t good at this stuff! What did guys say to girls anyway? “I… I really… like you.”
“Huh?” Kuria blinked, wiping away her tears. “You… you do?”
“Yep.” Piccolo almost gagged. “I just… I guess I didn’t want to admit it… I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
“Have you ever been in love before?” Kuria asked.
“No.” Piccolo answered squeamishly.
“Well…” Kuria looked at him. “Are you in love now?”
“Uh… yes. Of course.” Piccolo nodded convincingly. “I’m hugely in love with you.”

He glared over at Goku and his family at the sound of their sniggering, and they looked at him sheepishly, covering their mouths in an attempt to hide their laughter. “Jackasses.” Piccolo angrily thought to himself.
“I don’t believe you.” Kuria pouted.
“What!” Piccolo gasped, his eyes widening. “No, I – I really –”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.” Kuria frowned. “Well it won’t work! And there’s no point. Junior, one day you will fall in love with me for real!”
“But I love you now!” Piccolo Junior protested. “Kuria, I…” He went blank as he tried to think of what else he could do. What the hell did boys do with girls anyway? He hadn’t seen it! All he’d seen was Gohan walking with Videl holding onto his arm, or sometimes his father said rude things to Frikiza… Then there was Goku and Chichi’s engagement – but Goku had spent the first half of that not knowing who Chichi was… “I uh…” Piccolo looked at Kuria, and groaned inwardly as he realised he had no choice. He had to… He had to do it. He had to… kiss her. “I do love you, and I want to marry you…” Piccolo Junior said. “And I’ll prove it!”
“Whoa!” Goku, Gohan, Chichi and Videl’s eyes all widened as Piccolo Junior took hold of Kuria’s chin and pressed his lips against hers.
“Oh my God… He actually did it!” Chichi gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth.
“Aww, go Piccolo!” Videl cheered.

Piccolo’s face was bright purple as he kissed Kuria. This felt so weird… How long was he supposed to do it for anyway? Dammit, he should have asked! Okay, maybe just another two seconds. Ugh, her lips were so warm. Warm, and soft… Was she wearing perfume? Now that he noticed, it smelt kind of nice… … okay, so five more seconds…
“Uh…” Goku uttered, staring at the couple. “Piccolo, I think she gets the idea now…”

Piccolo’s eyes widened. Crap! What was he doing! He leapt away from Kuria, his heart racing. Okay. Okay, he’d done it. Now would she leave him alone?
“K-Kuria…” Piccolo stammered. “Uh… what… what do you think?”
“Wow…” Kuria gasped, touching her lips. “Junior… you must really love me.”
“Yeah! Yeah, I told you!” Piccolo nodded. “So – now I guess you can leave me alone, right?”

Goku and his family fell over.
“Piccolo, you’re not supposed to tell her the plan…” Chichi growled.
“Oh, crap!” Piccolo thought, his eyes widening. Oh no – he hadn’t been thinking! What had he done!
“Haha!” Kuria grinned. “No way!” She winked at him. “Junior, don’t go all shy on me now. It’s obvious you really do want to be with me.”
“And… and you’re okay with that?” Piccolo stammered, glancing over at the others, who were now looking worried. Why hadn’t it worked…? They said it would work! “Help!” He silently begged them. “What do I do now!”
“Of course I am!” Kuria exclaimed, approaching Piccolo. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. “We’re going to get married and live happily ever after!”
“Oh no… it didn’t work.” Videl gasped, her eyes widening in horror. “I was sure it would…”
“Uh…” Piccolo looked down at his new fiancée, and an icy dread travelled through his heart. Crap… What was he going to do now…?
“Hm…” Kuria uttered, suddenly looking confused.
“What is it?” Piccolo asked.
“Nothing…” Kuria mumbled. She looked up at him, and smiled. “I’m happy about us. Kiss me again.”
“Really?” Piccolo gulped. “Are you sure you want that…?”

Piccolo closed his eyes and his entire body tensed as he felt the warmth of Kuria’s lips draw closer to his. No… No… Hm? Wait… She was moving away. Piccolo opened his eyes, and saw Kuria staring at him with a sad look on her face. “Junior…” She said softly. “This doesn’t feel right.”
“What… What do you mean?” Piccolo asked, trying not to look too hopeful as he awaited her response.
“I don’t know…” Kuria mumbled. “I just… It feels wrong. I can’t explain it, I…” She looked at him, and suddenly she seemed to feel guilty. “I think I got confused… I – I’m sorry. I’m not sure if I want this.”
“Oh – do you want to break up? Yeah, that’s fine!” Piccolo nodded enthusiastically.
“Are you sure?” Kuria asked. “You aren’t upset?”
“No, not at all!” Piccolo answered quickly. “I’d hate to make you stay with me against your will, don’t worry about it.”
“Even though we kissed…?”
“Yeah!” Piccolo held up his hands. “It’s fine Kuria, don’t worry about it.”
“Okay, thanks.” Kuria smiled. “But, you know…” Her innocent smile suddenly turned into a cruel smirk. “I really didn’t think you’d do it.”
“Do… what?” Piccolo blinked.

Piccolo Junior looked up at the sound of a wicked laughter coming from above him, and his eyes widened at the sight of his four mutant brothers, Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum. What the hell? How long had they been there!
“Oh my God!” Drum exclaimed. “I can’t believe he actually did it!”
“See, I told you.” Piano said arrogantly. “You two owe us ten chocolate bars.”
“Yeah – and that’s each, remember?” Tambourine smirked at Cymbal and Drum.

Goku and his family stared at the mutants in bewilderment.
“What’s going on…?” Goku mumbled.
“Hey Kuria! Nice going!” Cymbal cheered at the icejin, and slapped Kuria a high five when she flew up to join the mutants.
“What…?” Piccolo Junior choked, staring at them. “What the hell is going on?”
“Oh… Sorry, Junior.” Piano giggled. “You were the subject of a bet we had.”
“A bet?” Piccolo growled.
“Yep.” Tambourine nodded. “We were all talking about how you don’t want a girlfriend, even though you’re the one that’s most like King Piccolo, and he loves girls.”
“And then Piano said that you’re so not into girls, you’d probably kiss one just to put her off dating you.” Cymbal grinned. “Me and Drum didn’t think you’d go that far – but look! You did!”
“Yeah – you just cost us twenty bars of chocolate, you little jerk!” Drum barked.
“Oh, wow…” Chichi gasped, her eyes widening. “So… it was all a game…?”
“And that was his first kiss, wasn’t it?” Videl frowned. “How awful.”
“What…?” Piccolo Junior uttered. He glared over at the Son family, his eyes suddenly glowing with rage. “Did you guys know about this!”
No!” They cried.
“Honestly Piccolo, we didn’t! We wouldn’t do that to you!” Gohan insisted.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so.” Piccolo growled.

He glared up at his family, and his glowing eyes suddenly turned demonic. “You…” He seethed fiercely. “You… tricked me…”
“Oh, calm down.” Kuria huffed. “It was just a stupid kiss.”
“Yeah… don’t get so mad, Junior…” Tambourine mumbled, noticing that Piccolo Junior’s ki was steadily rising to a dangerous level.
“Guys, uh… you know when we made this bet…?” Cymbal gulped. “Did any of you remember that Junior’s strong enough to wipe us all out in one hit? ‘Cos I… I kind of forgot…”
“I want Frikiza!” Drum wailed, grabbing hold of Cymbal for comfort.
“Hey – wait, you’re stronger than me!” Cymbal cried, and ducked behind Drum.
“You…” Piccolo Junior snarled. “You… bastards!” All at once his ki suddenly exploded, causing the ground to shake for miles around and his voice echoed through the wilderness so loudly it made the mountains crumble to dust.
“Crap!” The mutants wailed. “Run!” They bolted away towards their home, with Piccolo Junior hot on their tail.
“You deceitful little monsters! I’ll kill you!” Piccolo Junior screamed as he drew closer to his brothers.
“Kuria! Help us!” Piano cried, glancing desperately at his icejin stepsister as she calmly flew alongside them.
“Ha! No way!” Kuria grinned. “I only agreed to trick him, now you’re on your own!” She powered up and flew off ahead of them, leaving the mutants to fend for themselves against the strongest spawn of King Piccolo.

Goku and his family watched as the mutants flew away, screaming Kuria’s name as Piccolo Junior steadily gained on them.
“I hope he does kill them. It’ll serve them right.” Chichi frowned. “That was cruel!”
“Yeah, it was…” Goku mumbled, thinking of something. “But now that he’s kissed a girl, do you think Piccolo will try to get a girlfriend?”
“I… I don’t think so, Dad…” Gohan sweat dropped. “Not an icejin girl, anyway…”

Chapter Text

Waaa!” A loud, infuriating crying caused Cell to clench his fists in anger.
“What’s the matter with them!” He barked, glaring out of the window of Frikiza’s old capsule house, which Cell now shared with Frieza, Zarbon, Dodoria and the Cell Juniors. The deceased members of the Ginyu Force Jeice, Burter, Recoome and Guldo were all huddled together not too far away, crying their eyes out.
“Oh… they’re just upset over Valentine’s Day.” Dodoria shrugged. “I guess it made them miss Captain Ginyu. He’s still alive.”
“Valentine’s Day? That was over a week ago!” Cell protested. He made his way over to the window and threw his head out of it, screaming, “Hey! Losers! Your ex-boyfriend is living with Vegeta, get over it!” He fired a ki blast at the Ginyu Force, causing them to scream and duck for cover.
“What’s your problem!” Jeice yelled back, forming a ki blast of his own. “We’re grieving! You got something to say about that?”
“Do you have something to say back?” Cell snarled, narrowing his eyes at Jeice.
“… Nope.” Jeice whimpered, backing down under Cell’s cold stare. He withdrew his attack and moved closer to his comrades. “Come on, Boys… Let’s go.” And they Ginyu Force flew away.
“Good!” Cell huffed, and slammed the window shut.
“He was never their boyfriend.” Zarbon remarked, not looking up from his nails as he filed them. “They just… bond easily.”
“Yeah, they’re all pretty sensitive.” Dodoria nodded, and looked at Cell. “If I were you I’d leave them alone. If you yell at them it’ll only make them grieve more. Just give them a couple more days, they’re bound to get distracted sooner or later.”
“Whatever.” Cell grunted.
“Why is their captain living with Vegeta?” One of the Cell Juniors piped up from the middle of the room, where the seven offspring of Cell were calmly and quietly working on a jigsaw puzzle together.
“He got turned into a frog and now he lives in Vegeta’s pond.” Zarbon answered bluntly.
“Oh… that must suck.” One of the Juniors commented, and all except one started sniggering at Captain Ginyu’s misfortune.

The remaining Cell Junior looked at his father.
“Are the Ginyu Force really sad that he’s gone?” He questioned.
“Does it sound that way?” Cell growled. “They’ve been crying for days!”
“Don’t worry about it, they’ll get over it.” Dodoria sighed. He looked at the Juniors, and mentally prepared himself. Okay… “Kids.” Dodoria uttered, picking up a shield and an electric cattle prod. “Time for your bath.”
“Okay.” The Cell Juniors chanted, and immediately stood up.
“Huh?” Dodoria blinked as the Juniors obediently lined up in front of him.
“Do we have to brush our teeth too?” One of the Juniors asked.
“Well… yeah.” Dodoria answered. “You guys are… okay with that?”
“No.” The Cell Juniors replied.
“But Papa Frieza said we have to.”
“But –”
“Should we wait in the bathroom?” One of the Juniors asked before Dodoria could speak another word.
“… Yeah.” Dodoria blinked. “Yeah, go on. I’ll be there soon.”

He watched in amazement as the Cell Juniors made their way towards their bedtime routine, with no cursing or yelling or trying to blow Dodoria to pieces.
“That’s the third night in a row.” Zarbon commented. “You know… I don’t think this new obedience is a phase.”
“Yeah, I know… Lord Frieza!” Dodoria caught the icejin as he entered the room. “How did you get the kids under control?”
“With patience and discipline, what else?” Frieza frowned, taking a seat. “Does it really surprise you that much?”
“But… they’re stronger than you.” Dodoria said. He immediately regretted opening his mouth when Frieza greeted him with a cold, deadly stare. “Sorry…” Dodoria mumbled sheepishly.
“For you information, that has nothing to do with it.” Frieza growled. “I don’t care how strong they are; they’re still children, and children respond to discipline. Now…” He looked at Dodoria sternly. “Wine.”
“Don’t you want me to do their bath…?” Dodoria questioned.
“Yes, but they can wait a moment.” Frieza replied with a smirk. “But if you go in there and they’ve destroyed the bathroom, then please tell me. I do love punishing children.”
“Frieza… I don’t know about this new parenting thing.” Cell said as Dodoria fetched Frieza’s wine. “I mean – the kids are well-behaved and everything, but they seem a little scared…
” “That’s the point.” Frieza and Zarbon stated in perfect unison.


It was a little while later, and the Cell Juniors were tucked up in bed.
“Guys…?” One of them whispered. He was Number Seven, the only one that hadn’t laughed at Captain Ginyu spending the rest of his life as a frog.
“Ssh!” His brothers all whispered angrily.
“Shut up! Papa Frieza will hear!” One of them scolded.
“This will only be quick…” Number Seven replied. “I have an idea… I think I can stop the Ginyu Force crying.”
“Huh?” His brothers all sat up in bed and looked at him.
“Hey!” One of them grinned. “If they stop crying maybe Papa will be in a better mood!”
“And Papa Frieza…” Another whimpered. “And maybe he’ll stop being so mean…” He looked at Number Seven. “What is it?”
“Hm?” Number Seven blinked. He hadn’t thought of that… Would Frieza really stop being so strict if he didn’t have to listen to the Ginyu Force all the time? … No way! That was stupid! Papa Frieza was strict even before they started crying! Whatever. So long as the other Juniors were willing to help. “Okay.” He nodded, and looked across his brothers. “Here’s the plan…”


It was the following day, and after very politely asking for permission to go for a walk, the Cell Juniors were making their way towards Babidi’s cave.
“I’m not sure about this…” One of them whimpered sceptically. “What if Papa Frieza finds out we stole his wine…?”
“Don’t worry, when I’m on Earth I’ll get a new bottle.” Number Seven replied.
“You’d better!” Another Junior growled. “We’re not getting whipped for you!”
“Whatever…” Number Seven sighed. He looked down at the wine bottle in his hand, still a little surprised that they’d managed to sneak it out without the grown-ups noticing. They’d swiped it overnight, and Number Seven’s brothers had all huddled round him to hide the wine bottle from view as they’d left the house. This had better work… If she took it without returning him to Earth, the Juniors really were in trouble.

They stopped a few feet away from Babidi’s cave, and the rest of the Cell Juniors looked at Number Seven.
“What now?” One of them asked.
“We need to get her on her own.” Number Seven replied.
“Why don’t we just break in and make her do it?” Another Junior shrugged.
“Because the guards will rescue her and then they’ll throw us in jail!” Number Seven growled.
“Well why does she have to be on her own? Babidi can watch, right?”
“No…” Number Seven groaned impatiently. Why were all his brothers so dumb? “She’s not gonna do it in front of Babidi – because if he knows she can do it, then he’ll want her to do it for him! It has to be a secret, otherwise she won’t do it at all.”
“Seven… do you even know if she’s here?” One of the Juniors asked. Number Seven blinked. Uh…
“Well… no.” He admitted. “I’m just kind of hoping…”
“Idiot!” The other Juniors snapped.
“We could be waiting here all day!” One of them yelled.
“You’re supposed to be smart, Seven!”
“You said you’d thought of everything!”
“Well I’m not psychic!” Number Seven yelled. “I don’t know when she comes to see him – just wait, okay? If it’s taking too long we’ll head back. Don’t worry. You guys won’t get back late, I promise.”
“We’d better not.” One of them growled. Number Seven let out a sigh and sat down, watching the entrance to Babidi’s cave. Come on, Baba… please be in there!

After what seemed like an eternity, Fortune-teller Baba finally emerged from Babidi’s cave.
“Guys, there she is!” One of the Juniors gasped. They waited for Baba to say goodbye to Babidi…
Ew!” The Juniors all gagged, repulsed by the image of Babidi and Baba kissing.
“Why do old people even bother getting together!” One of the Juniors growled.
“Yeah, I know…” Number Seven mumbled, reluctantly watching through his fingers as he held his hands over his face. “… Okay.” He saw Baba fly away from Babidi’s cave, and the Juniors flew after her.

Baba was hurrying back to King Yemma’s office, hoping that he wouldn’t notice she’d been in hell again. He didn’t really approve of her visits with Babidi… Then again, neither did Baba herself. This had to be the last time! That man was insane! But, at her time of life, nobody seemed to bother with her anymore…

Fortune-teller Baba yelped and came to a sudden halt, almost falling off her crystal ball when the Cell Juniors appeared in front of her.
“Y-You!” She gasped. “What are you brats doing here! Move out of my way!” Six of the Cell Juniors started to glare at her, and Baba whimpered. “Um… I mean… please… Boys. … Don’t kill me.” She squealed.
“Miss Baba, we don’t want to kill you.” Number Seven said, being the only Junior that wasn’t looking at Baba as if he was going to rip her head off. He moved closer to her, and held out the wine bottle. “We wanted to give you this. In exchange for something.”
“Hm?” Fortune-teller Baba grunted, looking at the bottle. She narrowed her eyes at Seven. “Does your Papa know you took that?”
“Uh…” Seven uttered. “Well…”
“Hmph! Then I don’t want it!” Baba frowned. “If Cell and Frieza catch me with their stolen wine, they’ll kill me! I’m too young to die! Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m late.”

She moved past the Juniors, but Number Seven darted in front of her again.
“Please – just listen!” He begged. “If you drink it they won’t find out – you can have it with Mr. Babidi.”
“What do you know about me and Babidi?” Baba demanded.
Enough.” The remaining Cell Juniors all spoke in disgust. Baba blushed a little and looked away.
“Well, at my age I can’t afford to be picky…” She mumbled, and looked at Number Seven. “What did you want anyway? You do realise I can’t do anything for you? It’s strictly forbidden for me to do anything with you hell people without King Yemma’s approval.”
“Seven, forget it!” One of the Juniors frowned. “Yemma’s never gonna let her do it.”
“Yeah, she probably can’t anyway.”
“Can’t what?” Baba demanded, turning to the rest of the Juniors.
“He wants you to send him back to Earth.” One of the Juniors said.
“Ha!” Baba exclaimed.

She turned to Number Seven. “Are you out of your mind? I can’t bring you back to life! I’m a fortune-teller, not a dragon!”
“No – you don’t need to revive me properly.” Number Seven insisted. “Just give me one day on Earth. Please, Ma’am. I won’t do anything bad, I promise.”
“Well, you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Fortune-teller Baba snorted. “Why do you want to go anyway? So you can use the dragonballs to revive yourself and your papa?”
“Hey!” The other Juniors cried.
“Seven – we never thought of that!” One of them gasped. “That’s a way better idea!”
“Sssh!” Seven hissed, glaring at his siblings. “Yeah maybe I will, but don’t tell her that!” He yelled at them telepathically.
“Oh…” The other Juniors uttered, realising their mistake.
“Well, I’m not taking you to Earth.” Baba said stubbornly. “You’re a bad soul, King Yemma will give me nothing but earache – and to be honest I don’t trust you at all! Now, if you’ll kindly move out of my way… I need to get back.” She attempted to move past Number Seven, but he once again darted in front of her.
“Okay, Ma’am… I understand.” He said, sounding disappointed. “Honestly, I didn’t want to do anything bad. I just wanted to help my friend… but it’s okay. I understand why you wouldn’t trust me.”
“Oh…” Baba uttered, surprised at how calm the Junior was. “Well… That’s very mature of you.” She smiled. “You know… I never thought that being under Frieza’s care would actually improve you boys.”
“Yeah, uh… I can really see the error of my ways.” Number Seven nodded convincingly.
“What’s he doing?” One of the other Juniors whispered to his siblings.
“I think he’s trying to gain her trust.” Another answered.
“Will that work?”
“Who cares?” Another Junior frowned. “This whole idea is stupid anyway.”

Number Seven smiled at Baba.
“I guess it’s not always good to be bad, huh?” He said.
“No, that’s right.” Baba nodded. “I’m glad you’ve learned that. Now –”
“But Ma’am, please take this.” Seven insisted, holding the wine bottle out to her. “If we go back with it in our hands, we’ll get into trouble.”
“Well it serves you right! You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place!” Baba scolded.
“I know, but… they have plenty more. They don’t need this one too. Please, Miss Baba. Please accept it.” Number Seven begged.
“… Hm.” Baba grunted, eyeing up the bottle. That was good stuff… How did Frieza and Cell manage to get their hands on that? It must have been in Frikiza’s capsule house when she gave it to them… Hm. Well, the whole point of hell was to be a punishment, wasn’t it? So really, by letting them keep this, Baba was actually making hell a good place for Frieza and Cell… It would only be right to confiscate it, wouldn’t it? “Fine.” Baba nodded, after justifying taking the wine to herself. She swiped the bottle from Seven, and looked at him. “Bye then.”
“Uh – wait.” Number Seven gasped. “Don’t you want to try it first? You know… to see if it hasn’t gone bad? I think Frikiza had it for a while.”
“Hm.” Baba uttered. “Well, fine.” She unscrewed the bottle cap. “I guess a little sip won’t hurt…”


“Awww, aren’t you a sweetheart!” A heavily intoxicated Fortune-teller Baba crooned as she put her arm around Number Seven. “You know… I can see Goku in you.”
“Goku?” Number Seven frowned. “But –”
“Ah-ah-ah!” Fortune-teller Baba cackled. “He’s… he’s a sweet boy, you know I… I met him when he was… oh, probably your age…”
“He was older than me!” Number Seven protested. “I died when I was a day old!”
“Oh, well… that… that’s such a shame…” Baba whimpered, and then burst into tears. “It… it’s so awful! You’re just a baby! Waaaa!”
“Seven, how did you know she’d get like this?” One of the Juniors asked as he watched Fortune-teller Baba in awe, still amazed at the fact that after that first sip of wine she’d then proceeded to down the entire bottle in five minutes.
“Remember Papa’s wedding?” Seven answered, looking at his brothers. “I think she’s an alcoholic…”
“Oh yeah…” The other Juniors nodded, thinking back.
“She was the drunkest person there.” One of them said.

Number Seven looked down at Baba and put his arms around her.
“It’s okay… I’m not sad about it – but I’d really like to go to Earth again. You know… to help my friend.”
“Oh, your friend…” Baba uttered. She stared up at Number Seven. “Aren’t you a gem? That’s all you care about?” She went quiet for a moment, then grinned. “Okay!”
“Huh!” The other Cell Juniors gasped in shock.
“She’s really going to do it?” One of them cried.
“But… but listen.” Baba looked at Number Seven sternly. “No being bad! Otherwise… Otherwise I’ll spank you!”
“Okay.” Number Seven nodded. “I promise, I won’t –”
“Did you hear me!” Baba yelled. “I said no being bad! Or I am in the shit!”
“I… I heard you…” Number Seven sweat dropped.
“Good!” Baba ginned, and leapt onto her crystal ball. “Well then, hop on.”
“What?” Number Seven blinked. He started at Fortune-teller Baba’s crystal ball, which was almost the exact size of her. “But… there’s not enough room.”
“Yeah, yeah sure there is…” Baba replied, moving forward. “If I just budge up – aii!” She screamed as she fell off her crystal ball, and was quickly caught by Number Seven while his brothers started laughing at her.
“Are you okay?” Number Seven asked Baba.
“Oh, bless you, bless you…” Baba smiled. “I’m fine, Young Man… just… just help me uh…”
“Here.” Number Seven said, placing Baba back on the crystal ball. “Ma’am, I can fly. I’ll follow you.”
“Oh… okay. Why didn’t you say sooner?” Baba frowned. “Come on.” She flew off towards hell’s exit, with Number Seven following closely behind.
“Good luck!” His brothers called after him.
“Guys, we should head back!” One of them gasped, realising how long they’d been away from home. “Papa Frieza’s gonna kill us!”
“Wait – where should we say Number Seven went?” Another asked. All six remaining Cell Juniors went quiet for a moment, steadily realising they hadn’t thought of a plan.
“… Dammit!” They screamed, and bolted after Baba and Number Seven. “Seven! Come back! We’re gonna get into trouble!”

They were too late, however. Fortune-teller Baba and Number Seven were already inside King Yemma’s desk drawer.
“So… this is the way out of hell?” Number Seven gasped, looking around.
“Oh – no!” Baba replied quickly, her eyes widening as she realised she’d just shown one of Cell’s children how to escape from hell. “No, this… this is a special route! Just for today!” She looked at him sternly. “But don’t tell anyone about it anyway.”
“Okay.” Number Seven shrugged.
“Anyway, it’s pointless!” Fortune-teller Baba huffed. “Because – because if you ever come up here again, King Yemma will just smack you back down and then you’ll get a headache! So don’t even bother!”
“Okay…” Number Seven mumbled, looking around. “But… we’re just in a dark room. Are you sure this is right, Ma’am?”
“Yes, just… just help me push…” Baba half-answered, attempting to push open Yemma’s drawer.
“I got it.” Number Seven said.

He pushed open the desk drawer, and looked up to see King Yemma glaring down at him. “Uh… Hi.” Number Seven said sheepishly.
“Baba…” King Yemma seethed. “What is he doing here?”
“Oh, he’s with me!” Baba replied casually. “Don’t worry, I’ll bring him back in a couple of hours.”
“What!” King Yemma barked. “No! Baba, you’re not taking him –”
“Let’s go!” Baba exclaimed, leaping out of the drawer. “This way –” She then proceeded to fall flat on her face.

Number Seven let out a gasp and flew down to Baba’s aide, scooping her up in his arms.
“Um – Ma’am? Are you okay?” He asked.
“Uhhhh…” Fortune-teller Baba groaned.
“Baba, are you drunk!” King Yemma demanded. “Okay, that’s it! No more visits with Babidi! I am sick and tired of you going down to hell – it’s no place for the living!”
“Oh, I’m fine…” Baba mumbled, coming to her senses. “Uh…” She looked up at Number Seven, then grinned. “Let’s go!”
“What!” King Yemma screamed. “No! Baba, I forbid you to take –” His eyes widened in shock as Baba darted out of his office, followed by the seventh Cell Junior.
“Uh…” One of King Yemma’s ogre assistants uttered awkwardly, and looked at his master. “Should I go after them…?”
“… Just warn Goku.” King Yemma growled. “And block the secret passageway.”
“Yes, Sir…”


“Yee-haw!” Fortune-teller Baba exclaimed as she flew on her crystal ball at top speed, making her way towards Earth. “See! I’m not drunk!” She grinned. “Look – look how fast I’m going! I never drove this fast before! If I was drunk I wouldn’t even stay on!”
“Ma’am, I’m holding you on!” Number Seven protested as he clung onto Fortune-teller Baba desperately, trying to stop her falling off her crystal ball.
“Oh, nonsense!” Baba insisted. “I don’t need your help! Look!” She forcefully pushed his hands off her. “I’m fine – aiii!” Baba let out a high-pitched scream as she fell off her crystal ball and went plummeting down through what was now Earth’s sky.
“Miss Baba!” Number Seven cried. He dove down as fast as he could and caught her just before she landed in the ocean, then only milliseconds later he grabbed her crystal ball as it fell from the sky. “Listen…” Number Seven uttered, placing Baba back on her ball. “Can I drive?”
“Huh? Oh… you know, that wasn’t drunk.” Fortune-teller Baba growled, looking at him stubbornly. “The wind caught me.”
“Okay… I believe you.” Number Seven replied, not believing her. “Miss Baba – I need to go to Vegeta’s house. Can you show me where it is?”
“Ha! Vegeta’s house?” Baba cackled. “Why would you want to go there? You could go anywhere you want to!”
“But I want to go to Vegeta’s house!” Number Seven protested.
“Mm… fine, if you must…” Baba uttered, and yawned. “My, the wind has really taken it out of me…”
“Huh?” Number Seven’s eyes widened when he saw Fortune-teller Baba start to sway slightly, her eyes closing. Oh no… Was she sleepy already? What a lightweight…
“Just let me… just let me rest my eyes a moment…” Baba mumbled. She closed her eyes, and before Number Seven could even try to wake her she fell forward and off her crystal ball.
“Hey!” Number Seven cried out and once again stopped Baba falling into the ocean. He shook her wildly and lightly smacked her face. “Hey! Wake up!”
“Mm…” Fortune-teller Baba grunted, completely unconscious.
“Dammit…” Number Seven growled. Well… getting to Vegeta’s house would have been a lot easier with her help, but she was useless in this condition. What was he supposed to do with her now…? Number Seven looked around, and noticed a small island not far from him. There was a house on it… ‘Kame House’ it said. Okay, that would have to do.

He grabbed hold of Baba’s crystal ball and flew over to the house, landing in front of it. Number Seven was about to knock on the door, when a voice stopped him.
“B-Baba?” The voice sounded scared… Number Seven turned around to see a turtle staring at him with wide eyes. It was shaking. “What… What did you do to her!” The turtle cried.
“Nothing! She’s just drunk!” Number Seven protested, setting Baba and the crystal ball down. “If you know her, can you take care of her?”
“Drunk?” The turtle blinked, and calmed down a little. “Well…” He looked at the unconscious Baba. “Master Roshi always did say she was a lightweight… Did you rescue her?”
“Uh… well… I stopped her drowning a couple of times.” Number Seven shrugged, deciding not to admit that he was the one that got Baba drunk in the first place…
“Thank you. We’re most grateful.” The turtle nodded. “Are you staying?”
“No thanks – can you point me in the direction of Vegeta’s house?” Number Seven asked.
“Vegeta? Why do you want to see him? He’s terrible company.” The turtle replied. Number Seven sniggered a little.
“Yeah, I know… but it’s important.” He said.
“Well… He lives in Capsule Corps, in West City.” The turtle stated, pointing. “It’s over that way.”
“Thanks!” Number Seven grinned, and leapt into the air. “Make sure you get Miss Baba inside! Otherwise she’ll get sunburned.” He turned and flew away, and in a matter of seconds he was gone from sight.

The turtle stood outside the house for a while, staring after Number Seven. That kid looked familiar… Turtle was sure he’d seen him somewhere before, maybe on TV or… Oh. Oh, no… Turtle’s eyes widened in horror and his entire body started shaking as he realised where he’d seen that kid. That boy… He looked like that bad guy, Cell. The one that had caused all that trouble so many years ago – the one that had killed Goku! So that meant that boy was… he was one of Cell’s children! And he was after Vegeta, and Turtle had just told him where Vegeta lived. Oh, no… Bulma and her parents were in Capsule Corps! And then there were all the innocent humans in West City… oh, no!
“Turtle!” Master Roshi’s voice came from inside the house. “What’s going on out there?”
“Uh… Nothing!” Turtle answered hurriedly. “Baba’s here, but she came on her own! Also she’s passed out.”
“What? What’s the matter with her?” Roshi demanded.
“Uh… drunk.” Turtle said. “I think you should call Goku. I got a feeling something bad’s about to happen. … But that’s all I know.” Turtle scooped up Baba onto his neck, and sheepishly started making his way inside.

Chapter Text

Tch. Movie night. Such a stupid concept. Maybe if the movie was anything good it would be worth it… but it never was!

King Piccolo made his way down one of the many corridors of the mansion he shared with Frikiza and his mutant children. He was returning from a short but intense training session; ever since his revival King Piccolo had been trying to make himself stronger. He was still determined to defeat – no, kill Son Goku, and he would never be able to do that if he didn’t train. Plus, there was the other reason…

In her final form King Piccolo’s new wife Frikiza could be a little… intense. It wasn’t that King Piccolo couldn’t handle her – he could handle her… but he knew that she held back when she was with him, even when he told her not to. Tch. She was worried that she would hurt him – him, the Demon King Piccolo! It was humiliating that King Piccolo was weaker than his wife. It should be her worrying about not being able to handle him, not the other way round! Then again, in practical terms their power levels never really came into it… It didn’t matter how powerful Frikiza was, her body was still the same size, and there was only so much of King Piccolo she could take. About half, in her first and final forms. King Piccolo sniggered to himself as he thought about it. Oh, Frikiza… She was just too cute, wasn’t she? She was so small and tight, and she had the most adorable whimpers… And she had better do it tonight! He wasn’t watching crap for nothing! Tch. Movie night. It was stupid. Why didn’t Junior have to do it? Piccolo Junior was still living up there in Kami’s Lookout with that kid playing guardian and that freak Mr. Popo… … Junior was a traitor! He shouldn’t be up there on movie night! He should be down here, suffering this crap alongside his father! The little punk.

King Piccolo hated movie night. For some reason, Frikiza had decided it would be fun if the whole family watched a movie together once a week, and for some even more bizarre reason King Piccolo’s mutant children Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum had thought it was a great idea. What was wrong with those idiots? They didn’t even like good movies! They were supposed to be King Piccolo’s minions. They were supposed to be his evil clones that were just as cruel and cold as him… but they liked to watch stupid mushy romantic comedies about idiots hooking up with girls that would spit on them in real life. Tch. Maybe living with a married couple was making the boys want to get girlfriends on their own… Ha! Good luck to them. The girls would have to be blind and not quite right in the head to hook up with those four idiots.

King Piccolo stepped into the lounge room, where his family were waiting for him. They were sprawled across two sofas and the floor, along with Zarba and Doria who had joined the family for dinner. Dinner hadn’t been too bad; it was always a little more entertaining when Zarba and Doria were here… It was more entertaining, and at times more irritating. Zarba certainly was outspoken… It was amusing to watch Tambourine around her though. Ha. As if the boy stood a chance. Tambourine was sitting next to Zarba now; he was as stiff as a board and bright purple as Zarba sleepily and ‘accidentally’ leaned against him, fully aware of the agony she was putting Tambourine through. Haha. The cruel little witch.

King Piccolo smiled slightly in amusement as he looked at them. Then, out of nowhere, he suddenly felt… something else. His amusement – his held-back laughter at Tambourine’s agony… it started to feel warm. This was… … it was nice.

Tambourine and Zarba were sitting on a sofa together, while Drum lay on the floor, propped up with a cushion like a child. Occasionally Drum glanced at Doria, because for some reason he seemed to have a small crush on that fat ugly woman. Cymbal was sitting on the floor beside his brother as if trying to keep him company. Doria was sitting on the other side of Zarba, probably to make sure she didn’t torture Tambourine too much, and Piano… he was sitting on the end of his sofa, between Tambourine, Zarba and Doria, and the sofa that contained Frikiza. He could see each one of his brothers as if he were watching them. Looking out for them… even though he was significantly weaker than the other mutants, and he wasn’t of any use to a single one of them.

Then there was Frikiza… She was lying across the second sofa, saving a place for King Piccolo as she always did. She seemed happy. Content. … But then of course she was, this room was ridiculously warm. Tch. Why did she always insist on having the heating so high up? Why couldn’t she just wear more clothes? … Then again, King Piccolo wouldn’t like that. He liked seeing her flesh. He loved her body. She was so sexy, and so warm… … He was here because of her. It was thanks to Frikiza that King Piccolo and his four mutant children were even alive. If it wasn’t for her they would all still be rotting away in hell with nothing but their memories of being killed by Goku to keep them company. Now here they were, living in a mansion on Earth. They could have whatever they wanted. They could live like kings. They could eat and drink whatever they wanted; they could go anywhere. They had servants, they had respect… and King Piccolo had the most respect of all. … And right now he had a great view of Zarba. Ha. He smirked to himself slightly. It was worth being alive just to look at her. Damn, she was gorgeous… She must be the only woman in the universe who had a body as good as Frikiza’s, if not better. … King loved Frikiza’s body. He loved her money. He loved what she’d enabled him to do. He loved the life she’d given him. He loved… … … crap. Really…? Oh, no… Why…?

Frikiza’s voice pulled King Piccolo’s attention towards her. He frowned slightly in annoyance. She’d called him that again – he didn’t like that nickname! It was supposed to be a cute play on his real name, but it was disgusting! She knew he didn’t like it. Bitch. “Are you coming?” Frikiza asked, sitting up to make room for him on the sofa. She held out an empty glass to him, and King Piccolo noticed that she was holding a bottle of wine in her free hand. Haha… She always did know how to please him. That stuff was amazing – icejins really knew how to make alcohol. It was no wonder they were such alcoholics.

King Piccolo made his way over to Frikiza and took a seat beside her, taking the glass from her hand. He poured himself a drink as Zarba started up the movie, and he set the bottle down on the small table that was positioned in front of their sofa. King Piccolo took a sip of his wine and leaned back, closing his eyes as he allowed the liquid to work its magic on his tongue. Mm… Was this why Frikiza liked to be in warm rooms? To enhance the warmth of the wine? It worked, actually… This was bliss.

King Piccolo heard the movie start, not bothering to open his eyes. It was bound to be crap anyway. He smiled slightly as he felt a warmth against his body. Frikiza was leaning against him, as she always did. She had her head on his chest and her arm around his waist. King Piccolo placed his arm across her body, and lightly stroked her skin. Frikiza… She was so soft. So warm…

He opened his eyes and looked across the room. They were all intently watching the movie. King Piccolo moved his eyes down to Frikiza to see that she was watching too. Of course she was. This was her stupid idea. This whole thing came from that ridiculous little brain of hers. That ridiculous, naïve, sweet, beautiful little… Hm. … Whatever. At least she’d done it first.

King Piccolo tapped Frikiza’s butt, briefly catching her attention before he took hold of one of her horns and used it to gently tilt her head towards him. He caught her lips in a brief kiss and allowed a terrible phrase to roll off his tongue, a phase that until now he’d managed to keep at bay. Well… Whatever. What was the worst that could happen?
“I love you.” He said.

King Piccolo released Frikiza immediately and returned his hand to its place on her waist. He stared at the TV screen while everyone else froze. Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal, Drum, Zarba and Doria all stared at King Piccolo with wide eyes, not quite sure if they’d heard him right. He simply continued to watch the movie as if nothing had been said at all, and they almost assumed they were mistaken before they saw the look of joy on Frikiza’s face. She was staring back at them, her eyes practically glowing with delight. They smiled at her and remained silent, not wanting to ruin the moment or say anything that would embarrass the demon king enough for him to take it back… or possibly try to kill them.

Everyone moved their eyes away from King Piccolo and Frikiza, and resumed watching the movie as if nothing had happened at all. Then, a few minutes in, King Piccolo once again spoke. This time, he sounded annoyed as he growled, “Why are we watching this crap?”

Chapter Text

“God dammit, hand him over!” Cell’s voice erupted through hell as he stood outside King Vegeta and Queen Turnipa’s cave, screaming up at them with a ki ball in his hand. He was convinced the couple had his son, after the remaining Cell Juniors had told him that Number Seven had been kidnapped by saiyans. “I won’t ask you again!”
“We don’t have your son, you idiot!” King Vegeta yelled back as he and Turnipa dangled their heads out of a window-like hole in the top floor of their cave. “Now get out of here!”
“I’m warning you…” Cell snarled.
“He’s not listening.” Queen Turnipa frowned, and looked at her husband. “Send the guards out.”
“I was just about to.” King Vegeta growled back. He leaned further out of the window and yelled, “Guards! Attack!”

Out of nowhere a group of saiyan elites appeared from behind King Vegeta’s cave and charged at Cell. Cell simply snorted at them, unfazed.
“Losers.” He muttered, and hurled his ki blast at them. It obliterated every single one of the already deceased soldiers, thus wiping them from existence. Cell looked up at King Vegeta and Turnipa, and glared at them. “Did you see that? You’re next.” He barked.

King Vegeta and Turnipa stared down at the pile of ash that once was their best soldiers, somewhat unnerved by how easily Cell had disposed of them.
“He erased them from existence…” King Vegeta gasped.
“Mm.” Turnipa nodded. “It’s a good thing they weren’t important.”
“Agreed.” King Vegeta replied. He looked down at Cell. “Listen – you can destroy as many of my soldiers as you want, I do not have your son! Why the hell would I want to kidnap one of your little brats?”
“Oh, don’t give me that!” Cell snarled. “Even a monkey like you could figure it out! Frieza stole your son, but you can’t take his child so you’ve taken one of mine!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Turnipa frowned. “Frieza didn’t steal Tarble – he was too weak so we exiled him ourselves.”
“That’s right.” King Vegeta grunted. “It was nothing to do with Frieza.”
“Who the hell is Tarble?” Cell frowned. “I’m talking about Vegeta!”

King Vegeta and Turnipa paused for a moment, seemingly confused.
“… Oh!” King Vegeta eventually gasped. “That’s right!” He looked at his wife. “We had two, didn’t we?”
“We did?” Turnipa blinked. She went quiet as she thought back. “… Oh yeah!” Turnipa exclaimed. “Vegeta! That was the big one, right?”
“Yes.” King Vegeta nodded. “He was taken by Frieza – it was after you died.”
“Vegeta… Is he the one that failed to save his mate from that Piccolo freak?” Turnipa asked. “Yes, that’s him.” King Vegeta replied.
“Huh.” Turnipa grunted.

She looked at Cell. “Nice try, Bug Brain! For starters Vegeta is a terrible mate, and secondly – if he was weak enough to get kidnapped by Frieza in the first place, then he deserved it!”
“Wh-What?” Cell gasped. “Are you serious?”
“Kids get kidnapped all the time – actually thirty per cent of saiyan children don’t even return from their purging missions.” King Vegeta said. “Do you really think we’d put ourselves through kidnapping one of your freak offspring just because Frieza stole one of ours? Who the hell cares!”
“Oh my God…” Cell choked, his eyes widening. “You guys are terrible parents!”
We’re terrible parents?” Turnipa barked. “Screw you! We’re not the ones whose son ran away from him!”
“He didn’t run away!” Cell screamed. “You took him – now give him back!” He started to power up so wildly it made the ground shake for miles around, which finally prompted Frieza to get involved.

The icejin looked up from his seat on a nearby rock, and sighed.
“Cell…” He uttered. “Let’s just go.”
“No!” Cell roared. “We’re not leaving without Number Seven!”
“Mm.” Frieza groaned. He hopped off the rock and approached the cave, then stared up at King Vegeta and Queen Turnipa. “Vegeta… I think we can make a deal.” Frieza said.
“Haha!” Cell grinned. “That’s right, Frieza! I knew you’d work this out for me!”
“What deal?” King Vegeta growled.
“Well… Cell is right, I did steal your son.” Frieza began, looking at the king. “So if I let you keep Seven, can we call it quits?”
What!” Cell cried, his eyes widening. “Frieza – what the hell! No!”
“Well, that does sound more than fair…” King Vegeta admitted. “But really, I don’t have your son.”
“Hm.” Frieza grunted, and turned to Cell. “I think he’s telling the truth, Cell. Seven isn’t here.”
“… Oh!” Cell smiled, suddenly realising what Frieza had done. “Frieza… I get it now. You never wanted to get rid of Seven – you were just saying that to see if they were lying.”
“Huh? Oh… Sure.” Frieza mumbled, looking away. “Yes… That’s what I was doing…”
“If I were you, I’d let him stay lost.” Turnipa shrugged. “Those brats are a nightmare – and you have six more. What difference does it make if you lose one?”
“See!” Frieza barked at Cell. “That’s what I’ve been saying! We should just forget about him, Cell –”
“We’re not forgetting about him!” Cell yelled. “Now…” He glared up at King Vegeta and Turnipa. “His brothers said he was kidnapped by saiyans – so I want you two to tell me who else could have taken him.”
“Well it could be anybody!” Turnipa protested. “The entire population of Planet Vegeta is down here because of Frieza, so any one of them could have him.”
“If you ask me, that boy isn’t worth the effort.” King Vegeta remarked.
“See –”
“Shut up, Frieza!” Cell roared angrily, cutting the icejin off. He glared at Frieza. “You just had to wipe out the entire planet, didn’t you? He could be anywhere!”
“Cell – he’s stronger than all the saiyans put together!” Frieza argued. “He’ll have already killed his captors – just wait for him to come home by himself.”
“No! We’re finding him!” Cell pouted. “Come on!” He grabbed hold of Frieza, who cried out and started cursing wildly as Cell flew away towards his Plan B saiyan.


Meanwhile, the missing Cell Junior Number Seven was on Earth in the world of the living, struggling to find his way through West City.
“This place is huge…” He sighed to himself. “Maybe I should ask someone…” He grabbed hold of a young woman as she walked past. “Excuse me Ma’am, can you tell me where Capsule Corp –”
Ew!” The woman shrieked, her face turning blue. “A bug! Get away from me!” Number Seven dodged as the woman swung her handbag at him, attempting to swat him.
“Hey!” Seven barked, glaring at her. “I’m not a bug!”
“Ew! A talking bug!” Another young passer-by cried, and also swung her handbag at Number Seven.

Number Seven grabbed the handbags and glared at the two women.
“I’m not a bug!” He yelled. “I’m an android!”
“A what?” The women blinked.
“An android…?” One of them mumbled.
“Yeah.” Seven nodded. “I mean… I guess I am. My Papa was one.”
“He couldn’t be! Androids can’t have babies!” One of the women pouted.
“Well mine can!” Seven argued. “He’s Cell – he can do anything!”
“C-Cell…?” One of the woman gasped, her face turning pale. The other girl looked at her.
“Who?” She questioned.
“That guy… the one that did the Cell Games… The monster!”
“Oh my God – that Cell? Aii!”

Number Seven watched as the two women bolted away in fright, each of them screaming.
Help! Cell’s back! He’s going to kill us all!”
“Oh no!” Number Seven gasped, his eyes widening as he watched more and more people start to panic in front of him, the entire city steadily becoming engulfed in screams. Crap! This wasn’t supposed to happen! What should he do now? Number Seven looked around nervously and darted down an alleyway, hoping that he could keep out of sight until he found Capsule Corp.


Back in hell, Cell was making a scene outside Bardock’s cave.
“God dammit, give me my son!” He screamed.
“Listen, you moron – for the last time I don’t have your son!” Bardock yelled. “Why the hell would I take him?”
“Maybe because I killed yours?” Cell snarled. “If you even so much as think about harming Seven I will tear out your organs and stomp on them!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Bardock growled. “You didn’t kill Raditz – he was killed by Kakarot and that Piccolo guy years before you were even born.”
“So I’m obviously not talking about Raditz!” Cell cried. “I’m talking about Kakarot!”
“Oh.” Bardock uttered, then shrugged. “Well, who the hell cares if you killed him? Kakarot dies all the time and he always manages to come back. I mean, if you’re going to kill someone, it might as well be him.”
“What…?” Cell uttered, his eyes widening in shock. “I – I can’t believe you just said that! What’s the matter with you? Are all saiyans terrible parents?”
“Only the ones that are born with tails.” Frieza sniped from another nearby rock.
“Shut up, Frieza.” Bardock snarled. He turned to glare at Cell. “Listen – I don’t have your son. I hate kids. I don’t even like my own, and there’s no way in hell I’d volunteer to take one of yours, for any reason! So go and bother someone else.”
“No!” Cell barked. “I’m going to stay here and rip off pieces of you until you return my –”
“What’s going on?”

A timid voice spoke, followed by Bardock’s wife Gine stepping out of the cave.
“Your husband kidnapped my son!” Cell yelled at her.
“What?” Gine gasped, and looked at Bardock. “That can’t be true?”
“Of course it isn’t.” Bardock grunted. “The kid’s obviously just lost somewhere.” He looked at Cell and folded his arms. “If I were you, I’d forget about him. I mean, you have six more don’t you?”
“That’s precisely what I’ve been –”
Shut up Frieza!” Cell screamed, his ki exploding as he glared at the icejin. “If you tell me to forget my son one more time I swear I will vaporise you!”
“Oh… that’s awful.” Gine uttered, looking at Cell sympathetically. “Of course we’ll help you find him.”
“What!” Bardock cried, staring at her in shock. “Gine – what the hell are you talking about!”
“Well… a lost child is such a sad thing.” Gine replied. “That lovely Gohan took care of our son – the least we can do is find Number Seven.”
“How is finding Frieza’s child anything like what Gohan did?” Bardock growled. “Gine, we are not –”
“Lord Frieza!”

Frieza, Cell, Bardock and Gine all looked up to see Dodoria racing towards them. He came to a halt in front of the group and looked between Frieza and Cell. “Guys – Number Seven isn’t here.” He said.
“What?” Cell frowned. “What are you talking about? The kids said –”
“Yeah, I know. They lied.” Dodoria stated. “They just told me – he wasn’t taken by saiyans… He’s on Planet Earth.”
“What!” Frieza, Cell, Bardock and Gine all gasped.
“He – he’s on Earth?” Cell choked. “Does that mean he’s alive?”
“I don’t think so.” Dodoria replied. “The kids said that Fortune-teller Baba –”
“They lied to us?” Frieza screamed, clenching his fists in anger as his ki skyrocketed, causing the ground to shake for miles around. “Those little bastards! Come on!” He bolted off towards his cave, ready to beat the bones out of the remaining six Cell Juniors.


Back on Earth, Number Seven was struggling to remain anonymous in the sea of panicking citizens of West City.
Aii! It’s Cell!” A voice came from behind him.
“No!” Seven gasped, turning round to face a terrified looking woman. “I’m not Cell! I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to get to Capsule –”
Help!” The girl wailed, and ran off into the crowd.
“Dammit…” Number Seven growled. Why had his father been so scary? He was making this impossible!
“E-Excuse me, Mr. Baby Cell…” A timid voice came from behind Number Seven. Seven sighed and turned round, and was surprised to see a man standing there with a microphone, while another man stood behind him with a camera. “Would you… would you mind… doing an interview?” The man with the microphone asked.
“Uh…” Number Seven sweat dropped. “Sure… I guess…”


Over in Capsule Corp, Bulma was working on her computer with the TV on in the background. She took a break from her work when the sound of a TV broadcast caught her attention, and she turned to stare at the TV screen.
“What the hell…?” Bulma gasped, her eyes widening at what she saw. Was that… Was that really one of Cell’s children?
“So Mr., uh…?”
“Number Seven.” Number Seven spoke to the reporter that was interviewing him on the TV screen.
“Right. Number Seven… People are saying you want to find Capsule Corp, is that true?”
“Oh, great…” Bulma sighed. “Vegeta!” She called. “One of Cell’s kids has come to kill you!”
“Yes.” Number Seven nodded. “Can you tell me where it is, please?”
“If I do, will you promise not to kill any more people?” The reporter asked.
“I haven’t killed anybody!” Seven protested. “I just want to get to Capsule Corp – it’s important!”
“Of course!” The reporter nodded. “You want to marry the heir of Capsule Corp, Bulma Brief, don’t you?”
“What?” Number Seven blinked.
What?” Bulma cried. “Vegeta! Cell’s kid wants to marry me – get rid of him for me!”
“No – I don’t want to marry her!” Number Seven frowned. “Why would I do that?”
“Well… rumour has it that you want to inherit Capsule Corp when Dr. and Mrs Brief fall off the perch.” The reporter replied.
“‘Fall off the perch’…?” Cell Junior repeated. “You mean die?” He watched the reporter nod, and snorted. “Well… if I wanted to take Capsule Corp, I’d just take it, I wouldn’t bother marrying that lady.” He said. “I mean – isn’t she already married? Plus isn’t she like fifty? That’s way too old for me.”
“You cheeky little brat!” Bulma screamed, leaping across the room to grab the TV. She started shaking the TV violently and yelled at the top of her lungs, “I’m forty five! That’s nowhere near fifty and I look at least ten years younger! You should be begging me to marry you, you little runt!”
“Listen – I need to get to Capsule Corp to help my friend.” Number Seven said, looking at the reporter. “Are you going to tell me how to get there? Or do I need to demonstrate my power?”
“No!” The reporter wailed. “No! P-Please don’t!” He stared directly into the camera. “I’m sorry, Dr. Brief – I don’t want to do this but your sacrifice will not be in vein. He’s already promised he won’t kill any of us if I tell him where to find you, so you can die knowing that you saved us.”
“Wh-What!” Bulma screamed. “No! Don’t send him over here, you idiot! Vegeta! Vegeta, where are you!” She ran out of her lab and headed for Vegeta’s gravity chamber. “Vegeta! Cell sent his son to kill my dad – you have to do something!”
“It’s over there.” On the TV screen, the reporter was pointing in the direction of Capsule Corp.
“Thank you.” Number Seven nodded, and flew off towards the Briefs’ home.


“Frieza, that’s enough! Please, stop!” In hell, Cell was being held back by Zarbon and Dodoria as he wailed at Frieza with wide, glistening eyes, watching in agony as his husband beat the living daylights out of his six remaining children. Frieza snorted and glared down at the Cell Juniors, who were now coated in bruises and whip marks.
“Hm.” Frieza grunted, withdrawing his tail from the Juniors. “Have you boys learned your lesson?”
“Yes Frieza!” The Cell Juniors cried.
“It’s bad to lie!” One of them whimpered. “We’re sorry.”
“We’re sorry, Frieza!” The Juniors wailed, throwing themselves at Frieza’s feet.
“Hm…” Frieza looked over at Cell, Dodoria and Zarbon. “What do you think? Do they sound sincere?”
“Of course they do!” Cell screamed. “Leave them alone!”
“I think they could do with one more round.” Zarbon smirked, his eyes twinkling menacingly.
“What!” Cell gasped.
“I agree.” Frieza nodded.
No!” Cell yelped. “Frieza –”
Ow!” The Cell Juniors cried out as Frieza whipped them across their backs with his tail.
“Little punks.” Frieza growled.
“Shouldn’t we start asking them why Seven went to Earth…?” Dodoria mumbled. “While they can still talk?”
“Oh, they can last a few more minutes.” Zarbon smirked. Cell glared at him.
“Just wait until your back is turned, Pretty.” He snarled, causing Zarbon to become slightly nervous at the thought of being beaten to a pulp by Cell.


Meanwhile, outside Capsule Corp, Bulma had gathered Goku and Vegeta.
“This doesn’t make any sense… Cell’s children are dead. How can one be back on Earth?” Goku thought aloud.
“I have no idea, but I know I saw him on TV!” Bulma insisted. “And you’re not going home until he’s dealt with!”
“Tch. Why did you invite Kakarot?” Vegeta snorted, glaring at her. “I can take care of that runt on my own.”
“Oh, it… it’s just a precaution.” Bulma said, holding back a smirk.
Why?” Vegeta seethed.

Meanwhile Number Seven was hovering above Capsule Corp, staring down at them in annoyance. Dammit… How was he going to get past them? He couldn’t. His only option was to break in through a door or wall, and hope he got to the pond before Goku and Vegeta got to him. … This sucked!
“Dammit!” Number Seven growled. It was that stupid reporter’s fault! If he hadn’t announced that Seven wanted to go to Capsule Corp, Goku and Vegeta wouldn’t be here protecting it! And if those stupid girls hadn’t freaked out and got all scared, nobody would have even noticed Seven was here… Dammit! Why were humans so stupid! Okay… Number Seven sighed. Fine. If this was how it was… he’d have to go as fast as he could.

Number Seven took a breath, and bolted down towards Capsule Corp. He burst through its ceiling, no doubt drawing the attention of Goku and Vegeta. Okay – now where? Number Seven looked around the building frantically, trying to decide where to go. Why was this building so big! “Hey!” He grabbed hold of a staff member. “Where’s the garden!”
“Please – please don’t kill me!” The young man cried.
“Tell me where the garden is!” Number Seven demanded.
“It – it’s that way!” The man gasped, pointing.
Come on Vegeta, he’s over here!” Goku’s voice came from not too far away. Damn!
“Thanks.” Number Seven said quickly, and released the terrified man.

He darted towards Capsule Corp’s garden and burst through its doors, hitting them so hard they exploded. Oops! He hadn’t meant to do that… Oh well! He raced over to the pond and squatted over it, staring intently at the crowd of frogs that were gathered on its water lilies. “Hey!” Number Seven barked. “I don’t have much time – which one of you is Captain Ginyu?” He waited for a response, but the frogs all stared blankly at him as if they couldn’t understand what he was saying. “I’m being serious!” Number Seven snapped. “I need to find Captain Ginyu quick! Now hurry up, they’ll be here soon!” The frogs continued to stare at him. Oh, no… seriously? After Number Seven had come all this way, was he really not here?

Number Seven blinked at the sound of a frog croaking. Was that him…? Number Seven looked down and saw a dark green frog on his feet, staring up at him and croaking loudly.
“Ribbit. Ribbit ribbit!” The frog croaked, frantically tapping Number Seven’s feet.
“Are you Captain Ginyu?” Number Seven asked.
“Ribbit!” The frog replied, nodding.
“Okay… Good.” Number Seven smiled. He squatted down and looked at the frog. “The thing is, your friends really miss you. So… I’m going to do something now – and it’ll hurt, but trust me, it’s a good thing. Are you ready?”
“R… ribbit…?” The frog replied cautiously.
“Good!” Number Seven grinned.

At that moment Goku and Vegeta burst into the garden and took fighting stances in front of Number Seven.
“Stop right there!” Goku ordered.
“You’ve got some nerve breaking into my – …” Vegeta paused, and watched in confusion as the Cell Junior slammed his fist down onto what seemed to be an ordinary pond frog, squashing it. “… That’s my frog.” Vegeta said.
“Sorry.” Number Seven looked at Vegeta with a smirk. “But it’s their frog now.”
“What the hell are you talking about!” Vegeta snarled, forming a ki blast in his hand. “Get ready to die, you little – what!” His eyes widened as the Cell Junior suddenly disappeared from his sight. “Where did he go!” Vegeta demanded.
“Vegeta – he disappeared!” Goku gasped.
I know that!” Vegeta screamed. “I’m not blind, you idiot! Where did he go!”


Meanwhile, in King Yemma’s office, Number Seven appeared out of thin air. He looked around at his new surroundings, frowning in confusion. What the hell…? How did he get here…?
“I teleported you.” King Yemma’s booming voice came from above Number Seven, as if the ogre had read his mind. Number Seven looked up to see King Yemma staring down at him sternly. “You came all this way just to do that?”
“Uh… Yes.” Number Seven nodded. “Yes Sir. Thanks for teleporting me… I think Vegeta was going to wipe me from existence.”
“He was.” King Yemma grunted. “That’s why I teleported you.” He stared down at the Junior, somewhat bewildered. “… Seriously? You go to Earth and that’s the first thing you do?”
“It’s why I wanted to go.” Number Seven shrugged. “You’re not mad, are you?”
“… Mm.” King Yemma snorted, getting back to his paperwork. “You’re holding up the line. Go back to hell.”
“This way, Sir.” One of King Yemma’s aides looked at Number Seven, gesturing for him to follow.
“Okay.” Number Seven nodded, and followed the ogre.


Back in hell, Frieza cracked his tail against the floor and stared down at the remaining six Cell Juniors.
“Now…” He began. “You’re going to tell me what your brother is doing on Earth, and how he got there.” He narrowed his eyes at the Juniors. “And if I so much as think that any of you are lying, you will all get ten whips on your backside. Do you understand?”
“Uh-huh…” The Cell Juniors nodded timidly.
“Number One.” Frieza looked at the eldest Junior. “How did your brother bring himself back to life?”
“He… He didn’t.” Number One replied. “Fortune-teller Baba took him to Earth, but technically he’s still dead.”
“I see.” Frieza uttered. “So is he going to use the dragonballs while he’s there?”
“Maybe…” Number One answered sheepishly. “We told him to, but I… I don’t know if he’ll get chance… after he –”
“Ssh!” The other Cell Juniors shushed him, shooting him a glare. Frieza looked at them sternly, and they all suddenly huddled together in fright, staring at Frieza timidly. Frieza moved his eyes back to Number One.
“After he what?” He hissed.
“Uh…” Number One mumbled. “Well…”
Seven!” Cell cried.

Frieza looked up just as Cell was pulling himself away from the window. Cell raced outside, closely followed by Frieza, Zarbon, Dodoria and the Cell Juniors, all of whom were greeted by Number Seven making his way towards their capsule house.
“Hi Papa!” Seven grinned as Cell raced over to him. “Hey –”
“Son! I was so worried about you!” Cell cried, scooping Number Seven up into his arms. “Why did you go to Earth without me? Goku and Vegeta could have easily erased your existence!”
“I – I know… they nearly did.” Number Seven replied, pushing against his father’s grasp. “King Yemma saved me – Papa, let go! You’re embarrassing me!” He attempted to break free from the hug, but Cell’s grip was too tight.
“Seven!” Frieza barked, grabbing the Junior’s attention. Frieza looked at the boy sternly. “So you didn’t manage to get the dragonballs?”
“No… I’m sorry.” Number Seven replied. “I didn’t have time.”
“Seven… The dragonballs weren’t your first priority, were they?” Dodoria asked. “So why did you want to go to Earth?”
“Uh… Are the Ginyu Force here?” Number Seven replied.
“Over there.” Zarbon pointed over at the Ginyu Force, and his eyes widened at what he saw. “What…?”

Not too far away from Frieza and Cell’s capsule house, the deceased members of the Ginyu Force Jeice, Burter, Recoome and Guldo were stood in disbelief, staring at the man that was standing in front of them.
“C… Captain…?” Jeice choked. “Is that… really you?”

Captain Ginyu was standing there as clear as day, and as real as his comrades. He stared down at himself, amazed at what he saw. It was… his body. His old body – the one he’d had on Namek before those bastards had turned him into a frog! He was back… He was back to his old self, and… and he was reunited with them! Captain Ginyu raised his head to stare at his comrades, his eyes shimmering as a wide grin swept across his face.
“Boys!” He exclaimed.
“Captain!” The Ginyu Force cried as they ran towards their leader and he ran towards them. The five members of the Ginyu Force leapt at each other, crashing together in a giant group hug. They jumped up and down, cheering and singing excitedly with tears of joy streaming down their faces while Frieza and his group watched the scene in disbelief.
“Seven…” Dodoria uttered, staring down at the Junior. “Did you… do that?”
“They seem happier now, right?” Number Seven smiled as he watched the scene.
“Yeah…” Dodoria nodded. “They do.”

Frieza stared down at Number Seven in awe.
“So… you went all the way to Earth, risking your very existence, just to reunite the Ginyu Force with their captain?” He questioned.
“Well… when you put it like that… yeah.” Number Seven nodded. “I guess I did.” He looked up at Frieza sheepishly. “You’re not mad at me, are you…?”
“Mad…?” Frieza repeated. “… I’m furious!”

Number Seven’s eyes widened as Frieza advanced on him. “Are you seriously telling me that you were actually on Earth and you didn’t even attempt to find the dragonballs? You could have used them to revive all of us, you stupid little brat!” Frieza screamed.
“But…” Number Seven stammered. “But what about the Ginyu Force?”
“To hell with the Ginyu Force!” Frieza roared. “Who cares about them! What about us! We’ll never get a chance like that again – I can guarantee you didn’t behave yourself on Earth, did you?”
“Well, I… I didn’t mean to scare people…” Number Seven mumbled.
“But you did, didn’t you?” Frieza hissed. “Just how much damage did you cause, Seven? Because however much it was, I can guarantee your little vacation on Earth has made the guards remove whatever tunnel you used to escape! We’ll never get out of here now, thanks to you! You have destroyed our one chance to return to life!” He glared down at the boy, his eyes glowing menacingly. “You are going to pay for this, Number Seven!”
“Frieza, please!” Number Seven cried. He turned to Cell. “Papa – you’re not mad, right?”
“Of course I’m mad!” Cell screamed, for once siding with Frieza. “You could have found the dragonballs and brought us back to life! And you could have still used your other wishes to bring the Ginyu Force back too – you could have helped all of us, Seven!”
“Oh…” Number Seven mumbled, his cheeks darkening slightly. “I… I never thought of that…”
You idiot!” Cell wailed, powering up. “You are going to get such a beating!”
“Me first, Cell!” Frieza snarled.
“No way!” Cell argued. “He’s my son, and me punishing him is long overdue!”
“You don’t know how to punish him!” Frieza hissed.
“I can try!” Cell barked.

As Frieza and Cell argued over who was going to punish Number Seven first, the Cell Junior watched them nervously with a worried look on his face.
Psst!” Dodoria crouched down next to Number Seven, grabbing the boy’s attention. “Listen… I know Lord Frieza and your papa don’t see it this way, but that was a really good thing you did.” He smiled. “I’m proud of you, Seven.”
“Thanks, Uncle Dodoria.” Number Seven smiled back. “Can you protect me from them?”
“Ha! No way!” Dodoria laughed. “I’m not suicidal! Good luck, Kid.” He made his way back into the capsule house, leaving Number Seven to get the biggest punishment he had ever had in his life.

Chapter Text

Knock knock.
“Mm…” A sleepy Chichi stirred slightly, disturbed by the sound of knocking on her front door. Knock knock. “Mm…” Chichi half opened her eyes, and frowned in annoyance. “Goku…” She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. “Tell them to go away.” Goku didn’t reply; he was fast asleep beside her and oblivious to the knocking. Knock knock. “Goku!” Chichi screamed, causing her husband to bolt upright.
“What!” Goku cried, and leapt out of the bed into a fighting stance. “What’s going on!”
“The door!” Chichi growled, glaring at him.
“Huh?” Goku blinked, and suddenly heard the knocking. “… Oh. Who is it?”
“I have no idea!” Chichi barked. “But get rid of them – and tell them it is not polite to go banging on people’s doors at three in the morning!”
“Yeah…” Goku yawned sleepily. “Okay.”

He made his way towards the front door, frowning as the knocking continued. Really… why couldn’t people take the hint? If they weren’t getting an answer by now, then they should stop knocking! Jerks. Goku opened the door, and he blinked in surprise at who he saw. “Baba…?”

Fortune-teller Baba started cackling wildly from her position on the floor. She had fallen off her crystal ball, and seemed to be struggling to climb back onto it. “G-Goku, I – I fell! Ahahaha!” Baba started cackling again as she slid down the side of the ball and threw herself back against the ground.
“Uh… do you want me to help you?” Goku asked awkwardly.
“Oh!” Fortune-teller Baba gasped, suddenly noticing that Goku was wearing his pyjamas. “Oh dear – I got you out of bed! I’m so sorry, Goku!”
“It’s okay – Baba, are you alright?” Goku asked, slightly concerned.
“Oh, I’m fine, my dear!” Baba grinned dismissively. “Never better! Why do you ask?”
“It’s just…” Goku looked at Fortune-teller Baba’s crystal ball, a little worried that she didn’t seem to be able to get back on it. “You seem a little off… Do you want me to help you?”
“Aw, you’re sweet!” Baba smiled, waving a hand. “No no, you do enough around here – don’t worry about me, Goku. Listen, I don’t want to keep you… just let me say hello to your wife and I’ll be on my way.”
“My wife?” Goku blinked. “You came all this way in the middle of the night just to say hi to Chichi?”
Ahahahaha!” Baba once again burst into laughter. “No, no! Silly boy! I wanted to say hi to both of you – but I’ve already said hi to you!”
“Actually you didn’t…” Goku uttered. He crouched down to look at Baba, and studied her. She really wasn’t herself. She seemed kind of… “Baba…” Goku began. “Are you drunk?”
“Oh, well… you know.” Baba giggled. “I may be a little tipsy, but it’s nothing.” She paused for a moment, quietly sniggering to herself, and eventually looked Goku straight in the eyes. “Goku.” Baba whispered. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Yeah.” Goku nodded. “What is it?”

Baba motioned for him to come closer, and he obeyed. Baba giggled a little, and then leaned into him.
I’m…” She began in a whisper. Goku stared at her intently, listening carefully and curiously to what she was about to say. “I’m… I’m wasted!” Then Fortune-teller Baba erupted into loud, maniacal laughter.
“Baba…” Goku sighed. “Come inside – how did you get so drunk anyway? I didn’t even know you drank!”
“Oh, well I had to be polite.” Baba replied, calming herself. “It was a wedding, after all.”
“A wedding?” Goku repeated questionably.
“Yes – Frieza and Cell’s. Such a lovely couple.” Baba nodded.
What!” Goku cried, his eyes widening. “Frieza and Cell? Are they alive again?”
“Oh, no! This was in hell.” Baba replied. “No, it would be very irresponsible to bring those two back to life – they’ll destroy Earth!” She started laughing again. “Ahahaha but boy, can they host a wedding! I tell you, Goku – those icejins know how to drink! Oh, can they drink!” She grinned at Goku, her eyes glowing as her entire face lit up with triumph. “But I kept up with them! I mean… I passed out a couple of times – but every time I woke up I got right back on it! Even a super saiyan can’t do that!”
“Why did you go to their wedding?” Goku demanded. “That’s dangerous – you shouldn’t be hanging out with those guys! What if they’d hurt you?”
“Oh – see, I knew you’d get like this!” Baba huffed.
“Like what?” Goku blinked.
“I should have known… Frieza tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen.” Baba glared at Goku. “I was taking your side!”
“My side?” Goku frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Fortune-teller Baba snorted, and folded her arms.
“Frieza said not to tell you that I’d been invited to their wedding. He said you’d get all high and mighty and judgemental about it, and that you’d try to stop me going and you’d let your ego get the better of you…”
“What!” Goku gasped. “He said that?”
“Yep!” Baba nodded. “And I said you wouldn’t do that because you’re a sweet boy that sees the good in everyone and can appreciate a nice party… And here you are proving me wrong!”
“Baba – I’m not being judgemental!” Goku protested. “Those guys tried to destroy Earth! Cell killed me – can you see why I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be getting drunk with them?”
“I’m a big girl, Goku!” Baba argued. “I can take care of myself! Next you’ll be telling me I shouldn’t have made out with Babidi.”
“You did what?” Goku screamed, almost leaping out of his skin. “Baba –”
“Oh, Goku…” Baba sighed.

Goku cried out as Fortune-teller Baba threw herself at him. He caught her in his arms and stared down at Baba as she gazed into her own thoughts with a dreamy look on her face. “Do you think a one night stand can ever turn into love?” Baba asked.
“Love…?” Goku repeated.
“Well, it was just a kiss… To be honest he wasn’t my first choice, but all the hot ones were gone and he seemed up for anything.” Baba said.
“Oh, no…” Goku groaned. “Baba… Do you mean Babidi, as in the wizard that created Majin Buu?”
“Ah – see, you’re being judgemental again!” Baba barked, jumping out of Goku’s arms.
“You… you with your high horse and your big ego – why don’t you leave the horse in the stable once in a while? And… and make your ego small!”
“Do you even know what you’re saying?” Goku growled. “You’re drunk!”
“Oh – I may be drunk but I know a good catch when I see one!” Baba pouted. “Babidi may be the worst person in the universe, but when you get to my age if someone’s willing to kiss you, you take them!”
“What?” Goku gasped. “Baba – that’s not right. You shouldn’t go with someone just because they’re willing to – you should wait for the right person to come along.”
“Tch. That’s easy for you to say, you already found yours.” Baba grunted. “We can’t all find a perfect partner like you and Chichi, you know! Some of us have to settle!” She folded her arms stubbornly. “Babidi and I made out – and who knows? Maybe we’ll do it again. It’s my choice and it’s not of your business. So there!” She stuck her tongue out at Goku, pouting at him like a child.

Goku let out a sigh. Whatever… She was right – what she did was her own business, but… Goku was pretty sure she wouldn’t have gone near Babidi if she hadn’t been drunk, and she was lucky that he hadn’t hurt her! Anyway… nothing had happened to her, so…
“Come on.” Goku said. “Let’s get you to bed – you can stay here tonight.”
“Oh… thank you.” Baba replied, suddenly filling up.
“Baba – are you… are you crying?” Goku asked, staring at her.
“It’s just so touching… to think that you would offer your home to be…” Baba smiled with tears in her eyes. “After I’ve spent all day at Frieza and Cell’s wedding, hanging out with all your enemies and saying bad things about you.”
“Wait – what?” Goku blinked.
“Oh, nothing.” Baba giggled, waving a hand. “So are you going to take me to bed, young man?”
“You can have the sofa.” Goku growled.

He took Baba inside and set her up on the sofa, then got her a glass of water. “If you need anything, just let me know.” Goku said.
“Oh… bless you, bless you…” Baba smiled, closing her eyes as she settled down on the sofa. “Let me just… let me… ahhh…” A wide grin swept across her face. “Goku… I know he’s hideous… but it’s been so long since a man held me the way Babidi did… I hope he wants to do it again…”
“Yeah… sure.” Goku gagged, almost vomiting at the thought of Fortune-teller Baba and Babidi. That was gross! “Goodnight, Baba.”
“Goodnight, Dear…” Baba sleepily replied.

Goku turned towards the door and started to make his way out of the room. “Oh.” Baba’s voice stopped him. Dammit… what did she want now? Why couldn’t she just go to sleep! “Your mother… says hi.”
“What…?” Goku choked. He turned round and stared at Baba in shock. “My… my mother? You met my mother?”
“Mm…” Baba mumbled. “She says you have… a beautiful family…”
“Wait.” Goku uttered, approaching her. “How can she see me? Has she been watching me all this time?”
“Hm…?” Baba grunted, not seeming to understand him anymore.
“Baba…?” Goku said softly, but Fortune-teller Baba was already asleep. Goku paused for a moment, then let out a sigh. “Goodnight.” He once again turned away, and headed back to his room.

He climbed into bed beside Chichi and lay quietly, thinking about what Fortune-teller Baba had said. Huh… He’d never thought about his mother before. He’d never met her, after all. … Was she really watching him?
“Who was that…?” Chichi’s voice came from beside Goku.
“Oh… it was Baba.” Goku answered. “She’s drunk – she’s been to a wedding.”
“A wedding?” Chichi uttered. “Whose?”
“I’ll explain tomorrow.” Goku answered.
“Frikiza’s wedding is supposed to be tomorrow…” Chichi mumbled. “Are you sure we didn’t get the days mixed up?”
“No – it wasn’t Frikiza’s wedding.” Goku said.
“Oh… anyone we know?”
“Chichi…” Goku yawned, closing his eyes. “I’ll explain tomorrow.”
“Mm…” Chichi replied sleepily, seemingly falling asleep herself. “Okay.”
“… Apparently my mom says hi.” Goku said.
“Oh…” Chichi mumbled, not really listening to him in her half-asleep state. “That’s nice…”
“Yeah.” Goku replied, smiling slightly. “I guess so. … Goodnight, Chichi.”
“Nn…” Was all Chichi could manage to say before she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

It was late at night and in her castle, Fortune-teller Baba was staring into her crystal ball. Today was the day. It was the day she should have warned them about… Back when King Piccolo and Frikiza had married, Baba had offered to tell them their future as a wedding gift – it saved her having to go out and buy something. The offer had seemed pretty harmless at the time… Baba had expected that couple to have a pretty boring married life. But, when she’d looked into her crystal ball, she’d seen something she wasn’t sure they should know. Baba had toyed with the idea of telling them. She had no idea how they would react. For all Fortune-teller Baba knew, King Piccolo would try to destroy the Earth – or at the very least, he’d try to destroy Frikiza… At least part of her, anyway. Yikes. Maybe she should have told Frikiza at least… Dammit! Why hadn’t she told her? Now it was too late. Fate had already taken its course, and Baba couldn’t see what would happen next. She sighed to herself, and nervously wondered what the future would bring.


Meanwhile, in Frikiza and King Piccolo’s mansion, a small smile lay upon King Piccolo’s face as he basked in the aftermath of sex with Frikiza. She’d been in her final form… King Piccolo loved that form. It was still much smaller than him, so it didn’t have as much ‘capacity’ as her second and third forms, but… the power! She was something else in that body. Even the slightest touch from her final form stimulated every one of King Piccolo’s nerves. It was like she was electrocuting him – but in a good way. In just seconds she could flood King Piccolo’s entire body with a warm, powerful energy that made him see stars every time. Then there was the fact that she was absolutely stunning in that form. Frikiza’s final form was definitely one of her best looking ones – that, and her first. Her second was okay… King Piccolo could do more with it, but it was a little too big for his liking. He liked Frikiza to be smaller than him. He liked her to be small, and cute, and innocent-looking… It made him feel really bad! Haha.

Then… there was her third form. Ugh. King Piccolo didn’t like that one. The body itself wasn’t bad, but Frikiza’s third form face was hideous. … It had a great tongue, though…
“Piccolo?” Frikiza’s voice came from beside him, causing King Piccolo to frown slightly. Dammit… Had she not finished? He couldn’t be bothered doing anything to her now… Could she wait?
“Mm.” King Piccolo grunted, reaching his arm out to stroke Frikiza’s head. “Go to sleep, Baby. I’ll do it in the morning, I promise.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She sounded angry… Well, how was King Piccolo supposed to know what she meant? He wasn’t a mind reader! “I mean I can’t transform! I’m stuck like this!”
“Oh… great.” King Piccolo grinned, turning onto his side to face Frikiza. He put his arm around her body and buried his face in her chest, purring against her skin. “I love this form…”
“Stop it!” Frikiza snapped, pushing him away. “I’m being serious! I – I can’t change back!”

King Piccolo looked at her, and started to grow a little concerned when he saw the expression on Frikiza’s face. She looked worried… So what did it mean, if she couldn’t transform?
“Are you sick?” King Piccolo asked.
“I’m not sure…” Frikiza mumbled. “There’s a virus on my home planet that stops you transforming… It’s kind of like a cold.”
“Well… is it permanent?” King Piccolo replied.
“Not really… It usually goes away on its own in about a week.” Frikiza said.
“Oh!” King Piccolo’s entire face lit up with excitement, his concerns immediately vanishing. “So you’re like this for a week? Okay!”
“Piccolo!” Frikiza growled as he once again started assaulting her. She pushed him away forcefully, causing King Piccolo to groan in disappointment. “You’re not listening! It’s on my home planet – I haven’t been there in years! There’s no way I could have caught it.”
“Well maybe it moved to another planet.” King Piccolo grunted. “Or you caught it off Kuria.”
“No… I saw Kuria weeks ago – it wouldn’t take this long for me to get sick.” Frikiza uttered. She sighed. “Maybe I’m wrong… Maybe there’s a virus on Earth that can do this. I’ll go ask Frieza tomorrow.”
“Okay.” King Piccolo grumbled, reluctantly moving himself into a sleeping position. “You do that.” Frikiza looked at him, and frowned in annoyance when she realised he was already asleep. Tch. Jerk.


Knock knock.
“Aunt Frikiza!” The Cell Junior’s all excitedly exclaimed as Frikiza stepped into the living room of Frieza and Cell’s capsule house, in the depths of Hell.
“Hi, Boys.” Frikiza smiled, crouching down to greet the Juniors with open arms as they ran over to her. She giggled as she hugged the Juniors, amazed at how polite and well-behaved they were these days. Frieza was such a good influence on them.
“What can we do for you, Frikiza?” Dodoria asked as he closed the front door and followed Frikiza into the room.
“Oh… I wanted to talk to Frieza.” Frikiza looked over at the icejin that was sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine in his hand. “What do you know about stop fever?”
“It stops you transforming.” Frieza said semi-sarcastically, briefly glancing at her.
“I know that!” Frikiza hissed, standing up. “I think I have it – but I haven’t been home in years, and I saw Kuria over a month ago.”
“So you don’t have it.” Frieza said. “You can only catch it from another icejin – and I’m sure it doesn’t exist outside of our planet.”
“But I can’t transform!” Frikiza protested, pointing at her final form body. “I’ve been stuck like this since yesterday!”
“That’s not a bad thing…” Cell mumbled, staring at her lustfully with a small blush forming on his cheeks.
“Mm.” Zarbon grunted from the other side of the room. “It’s very you.”
“Thanks.” Frikiza growled. “But I don’t want to be stuck like this!” She looked at Frieza. “There must be another virus that does this – you’ve been in the Organisation longer than me, can you think of anything I might have caught?”
“Hm…” Frieza looked at Frikiza studying her closely. He could think of something else… but it wasn’t a virus. It was a much greater hassle. “It could be a parasite.” Frieza answered.
“A parasite?” Frikiza gasped, her face twisting in disgust. “You mean like a worm?”
“Sort of… but more expensive and more of a burden.” Frieza smirked. He looked at her. “I think you might be pregnant.”

Zarbon, Dodoria and Cell all gasped, their eyes widening as they stared at Frikiza.
“Pregnant?” Cell choked. “You’re – you’re having a baby?”
“Of course I’m not!” Frikiza barked. She glared at Frieza. “Stop it! Why are you being such a jerk? I only came to you for advice!”
“How exactly am I being a jerk?” Frieza frowned. “You’ve had a child, you know it stops you transforming!”
“Yeah, and you know it’s impossible for me to be pregnant, so if you can’t think of a sensible answer then don’t say anything at all!” Frikiza yelled.
“Oh, it’s impossible, is it?” Frieza growled, narrowing his eyes at Frikiza. “What, are you on the implant? That isn’t guaranteed to work a hundred per cent of the time.”
“Frieza – what the hell are you talking about!” Frikiza snapped. “I’m an icejin, and Piccolo is a namek!”
“So what?” Frieza snorted. “Obviously nameks are capable of reproducing sexually as well.”
“They are?” Dodoria blinked, staring at Frieza in awe.
“Well of course they are, you idiot!” Frieza barked. “They have sex organs, don’t they? What do you think they’re for?”
“Uh… Lord Frieza – not in front of the kids…” Dodoria mumbled.
“What are sex organs?” One of the Cell Juniors piped up.
“It’s nothing.” Zarbon answered sternly. “Go to your room.”
“But –”
Do it.” Zarbon glared at the Juniors angrily, and they reluctantly obeyed and left the room.

Frieza let out a sigh and looked at Frikiza.
“Look – I don’t mean to sound vulgar, but your husband has a penis doesn’t he? That’s typically used to get females pregnant. My guess is that before they all died out, nameks used to sexually fertilise each other’s eggs before they spat them out.”
“Wait – so you don’t think they always did it on their own?” Dodoria gasped.
“I think they only self-fertilise when they can’t find a mate.” Frieza answered. “And I’ve thought that ever since I found out they even have sex organs.” He snorted disapprovingly. “Frankly I’m surprised that none of you thought of it as well – am I the only one here with an education?”
“I thought it…” Zarbon mumbled sheepishly.
“Wait.” Cell looked at Frieza. “So… I can get someone pregnant?”
Yes.” Frieza hissed. “In theory… but the fact that you have the DNA of so many different species probably means that you aren’t actually compatible with anyone.”
“Aw…” Dodoria looked at Cell sympathetically. “Well that’s kind of sad…”
“Seriously? Don’t you think he has enough children?” Zarbon sniped.
“Okay!” Frikiza snapped, frustrated that they were steadily changing the subject away from her. “Fine – Piccolo can fertilise another namek’s eggs. So what?” She glared at Frieza. “I’m an icejin – and you know that icejins can only have children with other icejins.”
“Yes… Well, that applies to me. Not to you.” Frieza replied.

He noticed a look of confusion of Frikiza’s face, and his eyes slowly widened. “Frikiza… You do know that, don’t you?” Frieza uttered.
“Know what?” Frikiza questioned.
“Dammit Frikiza, this is basic biology!” Frieza roared. “You should have learned it in school!”
“I’m a girl, I wasn’t allowed to go to school!” Frikiza protested.
“Well I didn’t go to school either, but I had private tutors!” Frieza argued. “Didn’t you?”
“My mother got who she could – but most of them would only teach me the basics. Why, what is it?” Frikiza demanded.
“Frikiza… icejin sperm can only fertilise icejin eggs.” Frieza said. “But icejin eggs are compatible with almost every other race in the universe!”
“Wh-What?” Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening.
“Yeah – it’s some kind of evolution thing – so that we can bring the good traits of stronger species into our gene pool.” Frieza explained. “And in nature children typically stay with their mothers, so that’s why I can’t have a child with an alien but you can – to keep the half breeds on the icejins’ side. This is basic biology, Frikiza! You should know this!”
“My tutors never went into that much detail!” Frikiza barked.

She took a step back, suddenly looking worried as the reality of the situation hit her and a wave of panic shot through her being. “So… do you really think I… I could be pregnant?”
“Well… Do you use protection?” Frieza asked.
“No…” Frikiza mumbled. “I didn’t think we needed to – I had no idea Piccolo could get me pregnant! I mean – we’ve been together for months, why am I only getting pregnant now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you aren’t all that compatible. Just because he’s capable of getting you pregnant, that doesn’t mean it’s likely.” Frieza said, and sternly narrowed his eyes at Frikiza. “But did you get him checked first? You should be using protection anyway, for your own safety.”
“Oh, come on!” Frikiza frowned. “He doesn’t have anything – I was his first!”
“Oh, because a demon king wouldn’t lie about that.” Zarbon sniped. “He could have namek herpes.”
“He doesn’t have namek herpes!” Frikiza barked, glaring at him. “Stop joking around! This is seriously guys – what the hell am I going to do? I have no idea how he’s gonna react!”
“Calm down, I’ll fix it.” Frieza said.
“You will?” Frikiza uttered, looking at him hopefully. “How? Are you going to talk to Piccolo?”
“No.” Frieza smirked. “He doesn’t need to know, does he?”
“Huh?” Frikiza blinked.

She watched Frieza get out of his seat, and gasped in horror when he formed a small ki ball on his fingertip and pointed it at her midsection.
“This will only hurt a little.” Frieza smirked.
What!” Frikiza, Dodoria and Cell all screamed, while Zarbon watched casually.
“Lord Frieza – no!” Dodoria cried. Cell darted in front of Frikiza, blocking Frieza’s path as he glared at the icejin.
“Are you nuts!” Cell yelled. “What if she wants to keep it?”
“Oh come on!” Frieza hissed. He looked past Cell. “Frikiza – you can’t possibly want to keep that thing! It will be half icejin and half namek – that sort of freak shouldn’t be allowed to exist!”
“Really?” Cell snarled, narrowing his eyes at Frieza. “So what, is there something wrong with being part icejin and part namek? Does that disgust you, Frieza?”
“Oh – no… Cell – I didn’t mean you…” Frieza answered awkwardly.
“It sure sounded that way!” Cell yelled.

Meanwhile, Zarbon’s entire face lit up with delight as he watched the scene. He started sniggering to himself, cruelly relishing in the tension that was rapidly growing between Frieza and Cell.
“Cell, don’t be so dramatic.” Frieza growled. “Now move out of the way!”
“No!” Frikiza yelled, jumping out from behind Cell. She protectively folded her arms over her midsection and glared at Frieza. “If this is a baby, you aren’t killing it!”
“But you just said you don’t know how Piccolo’s going to react!” Frieza protested. “What if he doesn’t want it?”
“Well he’ll have to deal with it – it’s not like he can move out.” Frikiza replied with a smirk. “Where would he even go?”
“She has a point, Lord Frieza.” Dodoria admitted. “Piccolo’s life would be a hell of a lot worse without Frikiza – I’m not sure he’d want to risk ruining that over a kid.”
“Tch.” Frieza snorted. He glared at Frikiza and looked at Cell, who stared back at Frieza sternly. Fiercely. Threateningly. Frieza scoffed, then folded his arms stubbornly and looked away. “Whatever.” He growled. “What do I care? I’m not the one that has to bring that thing up – and you do realise there’s a chance it will come out as wild as his children?” He glared over at Cell, who glared back.
“So what? All the Juniors needed was guidance.” Frikiza frowned.
“And you’re going to get that from King Piccolo?” Frieza retorted.
“Yes!” Frikiza snapped. “But first I’m going to find out if I’m even pregnant at all – and while I’m doing that, you can figure out what else could be doing this to me!” She stuck her tongue out at Frieza, pouting at him stubbornly before she stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her, causing the whole building to shake a little.
“That woman is definitely pregnant.” Zarbon remarked. “She’s pissy.”
“She’s always pissy.” Frieza growled, sitting back down. “I don’t know how Piccolo puts up with her.”
“People say the same thing about you.” Cell growled, causing Frieza to glare at him yet again.


A short while later, Frikiza was in a public bathroom with Doria and Zarba, after having peed on a pregnancy test stick.
“How much longer!” Frikiza demanded nervously as she sat on a toilet with the seat down, rocking back and forth.
“Another minute.” Doria answered, holding the pregnancy test in front of her.
“So, what are you going to call it?” Zarba asked. “You already have Piccolo Junior… How about ‘Inky Junior’?”
“Shut up, Zarba!” Frikiza snapped. “This isn’t a joke!”
“Sorry…” Zarba uttered. “Just trying to lighten the mood… You know, you probably aren’t even pregnant anyway. I mean – how often do you guys do it? Surely it would have happened before now.”
“Not necessarily…” Frikiza mumbled. “But – if I’m not, then… maybe I really am sick. It might be serious, you know…”
“Hey.” Zarba looked at her, trying her best to hide her concern. “Don’t think like that. Maybe it is stop fever – I mean, how do you know that icejins are the only carriers? Other races can transform too, right?”
“Yeah…” Frikiza sighed. “I guess…”
“Um… Frikiza?”

Frikiza looked up to see Doria staring at her with a nervous expression on her face. “If I were you… I’d start thinking of names.” She held the pregnancy test out to Frikiza, showing her the large plus sign that had appeared in its window. “It’s positive.”
“Wh-What?” Frikiza choked, her eyes widening. “No! That can’t be - - did we even do it right?”
“Yeah.” Doria nodded. “You’re pregnant. … Sorry.”
“Oh my God…” Frikiza whimpered, her entire body growing cold as the reality hit her like a bolt of white lightning. This wasn’t happening… This couldn’t be happening! How could she be in this situation? Oh, God… She felt so nervous! This wasn’t real… This could not be real! It was insane! How could she be…? And how the hell was she going to tell Piccolo?
“Congratulations.” Zarba said with a slight smirk. “So. About names – how about just simple ‘Ink’?”
Shut up, Zarba!” Frikiza wailed, and proceeded to destroy the entire bathroom in the hope that Zarba would be caught in the blast.

Chapter Text

Frikiza entered the lounge area nervously, accompanied by Zarba and Doria, and moved her eyes over to the demonic namek that was snoozing in an armchair.
“Oh…” Frikiza uttered, and breathed a sigh of relief. “He’s asleep. I’ll come back later –”
“No.” Zarba said sternly, grabbing Frikiza’s arm as she attempted to leave the room. She looked at Frikiza. “Go and wake him up.”
“You know… I could always tell him later?” Frikiza suggested. “I mean – what if it’s a false positive? I think we should double check.”
“Yeah, because the first eight are never right.” Zarba replied sarcastically, narrowing her eyes at Frikiza. “It’s impossible to get a false positive. You know that because that’s what you told me the first time you got pregnant!”
“But… this baby is part namek… Maybe my body’s getting confused.” Frikiza said.
“Well for that to happen there would have to be a baby – so you’d still be pregnant.” Doria replied.

Frikiza went quiet for a moment, realising she’d just trapped herself. She paused, then let out a defeated sigh.
“Fine…” She whimpered. “But I really don’t think now is the time – it’s kind of a big thing to be woken up to, don’t you think?”
“Don’t worry.” Zarba smirked. “I’ll take the edge off.”
“What…?” Frikiza uttered sceptically, and watched as Zarba approached the sleeping King Piccolo.
“Oh my God…” Doria groaned. “Any excuse.”

Zarba giggled to herself and climbed onto King Piccolo’s lap. He stirred, but he didn’t wake up. Zarba leaned into him and touched her lips against his ear as she whispered,
Wake up, Handsome…”
“Mm…” King Piccolo groaned, turning his head away. “Give me a second, Frikiza…”
“A second?” Zarba sniggered. “Is that all it takes?” She looked over at Frikiza. “How did you even get in that condition?”
“Shut up!” Frikiza seethed. “Get off him!”
“Mm…” King Piccolo smirked slightly in his semi-asleep state, steadily waking up as he spoke. “What do you expect? If you’re in that body…” He moved his hands to slide up what he thought were Frikiza’s final form thighs and settled his palms on Zarba’s butt, causing her to blush slightly. “Hm?” King Piccolo grunted, frowning in confusion. “Where’s your tail…?”
“I don’t have one, Inky.”

King Piccolo’s eyes started to come into focus, and as his vision became clearer he saw Zarba in front of him, sitting on his lap with a flirtatious smirk on her face. “Thanks for the concern, though.” She winked. King Piccolo sat in silence for a moment as his sleepy mind worked out what was going on. Meanwhile the girls watched his reaction, expecting him to hurl Zarba across the room.
“… Okay.” King Piccolo grinned, now fully awake and tightening his grip on Zarba’s butt. “You’ll do.”

Frikiza and Doria fell over, while Zarba started laughing.
“Really?” She smirked, climbing off him. “Why don’t we wait until after your wife leaves you?”
“Fine.” King Piccolo replied and shifted his position in an attempt to return to sleep, fully aware of Frikiza and Doria’s presence in the room.
“What?” Frikiza screamed, leaping up. “Piccolo! Don’t go back to sleep! I have something to tell you!”
“Can’t it wait?” King Piccolo growled, looking over at her. “I’m busy.”
“You were willing to wake up for Zarba.” Frikiza hissed.
“I thought she was you.” King Piccolo replied bluntly. “And I thought I was getting laid.”
“Well it’s that kind of attitude that got you into this mess.” Zarba remarked.
Ssh!” Doria hissed, glaring at her. “Shut up! Let Frikiza tell him!”
“Tell me what?” King Piccolo demanded. He sat up and looked at the women. “What’s going on?”

Zarba and Doria looked at Frikiza.
“Go ahead.” Zarba said. “Tell him.”
“Good luck…” Doria mumbled.
“Thanks…” Frikiza whimpered. She moved her eyes onto King Piccolo, and took a nervous step towards him. “Pickle, um… I’ve been thinking… Do you uh… do you ever think that one day, you’d want another son?”
“Ha!” King Piccolo exclaimed. “No way! I have those four mutant idiots here and another few thousand down in Hell – don’t you think I have enough?”
“What about Junior?” Doria questioned.
“Hmph.” King Piccolo snorted. “Well, I wouldn’t want two of him.”
“Really?” Frikiza uttered. “I mean… if you made another one like Junior and raised him yourself, you might get along with him – and he’d look like you, he wouldn’t be a mutant.”
“Um… Frikiza, I don’t think you should be promising that it won’t look like a mutant.” Zarba said. “Because there’s a good chance it will.”
“What will?” King Piccolo demanded impatiently. “What the hell are you all talking about!”

Zarba and Doria looked at Frikiza again, and she swallowed nervously.
“Piccolo…” Frikiza whimpered. “I’m… I’m pregnant.”

King Piccolo flinched, dumbstruck. What…? Had he heard her right? She was…?
“You’re… pregnant?” King Piccolo choked.
“Yeah…” Frikiza nodded. She smiled at him nervously. “Is that… okay with you?” She waited for King Piccolo’s response, but he didn’t give one. Not for a few seconds at least. He sat there in his chair, staring into his thoughts for what seemed like an eternity. Then suddenly… his face turned angry.
“You…” King Piccolo seethed. “You… bitch!”
“Bitch?” Zarba frowned.
“Don’t you think that’s a little strong?” Doria growled.
No!” King Piccolo roared, leaping out of his chair. “I don’t think it’s strong enough! Frikiza –” He glared at his wife, his eyes burning with rage. “How can you do this to me!”
“What!” Frikiza barked, suddenly becoming defensive. “How do you think I feel? I didn’t know this was going to happen! Don’t you think I’m shocked too?”
“Well maybe you should have done your research before you jumped into bed with another man!” King Piccolo snarled. “I know this is a fake marriage, but that doesn’t mean you can have children with other people, you little whore!”
“Wh-What…?” Frikiza choked. “Piccolo –”
“Oh!” King Piccolo gasped, his eyes widening as he thought of something. Oh… That bitch! She’d let him – she’d let him say that thing! That vile thing! In front of his children, while all the while she was having an affair! That two-faced, treacherous little harlot! “You disgust me!” King Piccolo screamed, his ki shooting up with such force it sent the furniture crashing into the walls, causing deep cracks in the building that threatened to bring the entire mansion down. “Why did you let me say that, Frikiza? You bang on and on about loving me and wanting me to love you, and when I finally decide to try it you – you…” His couldn’t even finish his sentence. He was too angry. His entire body was shaking. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, so enraged his mouth started to foam. “I didn’t mean it!” King Piccolo roared. “Did you think that even for a second I could love someone as vile as you? You’re a bitch! And you’re spoilt and ugly and bossy and whiny and you make a drama out of everything – and that disgusting little runt you’re carrying will come out just as bad! It’ll make you miserable Frikiza, and that’s all you deserve!”
“Wow.” Zarba uttered, staring at King Piccolo in shock. “Friki, don’t ever cheat on him. He’s not gonna take it well.”
“I noticed…” Frikiza hissed through gritted teeth, grinding her tail into the floor in an attempt to calm herself.

She glared up at King Piccolo, and used every ounce of willpower she had to stop herself ripping off his head. “Piccolo.” Frikiza snarled. “I didn’t cheat on you, you idiot. This is your baby!”
“… What?” King Piccolo blinked, suddenly halting. It was… it was his…?
“And for the record, I hope it makes you miserable.” Frikiza snapped.
“… It’s mine?” King Piccolo uttered. Frikiza let out a sigh.
“Yes.” She said. “Apparently nameks can fertilise each other’s eggs. So you fertilised mine.”
“… We can have babies with each other?” King Piccolo gasped. “Since when?”
“Since you evolved with sex organs, you idiot.” Zarba frowned. “What do you think they’re for?”
“I… I never really thought about it…” King Piccolo admitted. “… Isn’t it just there for fun?”
No.” Zarba sighed. “Seriously? You have to be told that?”
“Well I never grew up on Namek!” King Piccolo barked defensively. “I didn’t even know I was one until after my death – so forgive me for not knowing every last detail of namekian biology! Whenever I wanted to have a child I just did it on my own!”
“Well, now you’ve done it with Frikiza.” Zarba smirked. “Congratulations.”

King Piccolo took a step back, his heart stopping for a brief moment as the reality of the situation sank in. So… So Frikiza was pregnant with…? It was his…? … Fuck! He moved his wide eyes to Frikiza, and attempted to choke out a few words.
“F… Friki…” He stammered. “We’re…?”
“Yes.” Frikiza answered, calming down at the look of shock on King Piccolo’s face. Hm. It was kind of cute… She couldn’t help but feel slightly amused. Frikiza looked into King Piccolo’s eyes, and smiled. “We’re having a baby.”
“… Oh.” King Piccolo uttered. “… … When?”

Suddenly the ground shook as Zarba and Doria fell over, and Frikiza slammed her tail into the floor in annoyance.
“What do you mean, ‘when’!” Frikiza barked. “Probably about nine months from now – I have no idea, I’ve never had a namekian baby before! How long do your eggs take to hatch?”
“Well… the boys were instantly. I think Junior was about a day…” King Piccolo answered.
“A day?” Doria cried, her eyes widening as she leapt to her feet. “Frikiza – that’s not enough time! We don’t have anything ready!”
“It won’t take a day…” Frikiza sighed. She looked at King Piccolo. “Your eggs are already fully formed when you spit them out, right? Icejin babies take a lot longer – I’m sure it’ll be at least a few months before he’s developed enough to come out.”
“Oh… Okay.” King Piccolo said. “That makes things easier.”

He stared at Frikiza again, and moved his eyes down to her midsection. He didn’t know much about non-namekian pregnancies, but… the babies grew in their mother’s stomach, right? Or at least, in a chamber in that area. Then they came out of… Ugh! King Piccolo winced. That must be painful. If his eggs came out of his, there was no way he would have made an army of children! … Still… in Frikiza’s body right now, there was… “So… “So he’s… in there?” King Piccolo uttered, pointing at Frikiza’s midsection. Frikiza, Zarba and Doria started giggling.
“Cute.” Zarba smirked.
“Yes…” Frikiza smiled, approaching her husband. “He’s in here.” She took hold of King Piccolo’s hand and placed it on her stomach. King Piccolo stared at his hand curiously, unsure of what he was supposed to be feeling. He’d never felt an egg inside someone else before. Was he supposed to be able to feel the child’s energy? He couldn’t feel anything. Literally nothing. … Was she mistaken?
“Are you sure you’re pregnant?” King Piccolo frowned, looking at Frikiza. “I can’t feel a thing.”
“Well of course you can’t, he’s just a cell right now!” Frikiza argued. “Wait a couple of months – then you’ll feel him kicking.”
“Feel him what?”


Boys! Come here!” King Piccolo’s voice bellowed through the mansion, and within seconds his four mutant children obediently came from various sections of their shared home.
“What’s going on?” Drum mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes after being abruptly awoken from his afternoon nap.
“Sit down!” King Piccolo ordered as he watched his children enter the lounge. The mutants obeyed and planted themselves on the sofa. A still sleepy Drum yawned and took hold of Cymbal’s tail. He curled up with it against the arm of the sofa and placed the tip of Cymbal’s tail into his mouth, then he half closed his eyes and started sucking on it as if it were a pacifier.
“Hey!” Cymbal barked, snatching his tail away. He smacked Drum across the head and growled, “Use your thumb!”
“My thumb hurts if I do that.” Drum whined.
“So let it hurt!” Cymbal hissed.
“You shouldn’t be sleeping Drum.” Piano scolded. “King Piccolo has something to say.”
“He always has something to say.” Drum thought to himself bitterly. He groaned and sat up straight, staring at the view in front of him. King Piccolo was standing on the floor in front of the mutants, while Frikiza was sitting on the other sofa with Zarba and Doria. … Huh. Since when were they visiting? … Doria was pretty… Drum pulled his shoulders back as far as they would go and cleared his throat as loudly and as manly as he could, hoping that Doria hadn’t spotted him trying to use a pacifier.

King Piccolo exhaled impatiently as he watched his children, waiting for them to look like they were ready to listen. Why was it taking them so long? They were slacking.
“Are you ready yet?” King Piccolo demanded.
“Yes Sire!” The mutants all shrieked.
“Good.” King Piccolo grunted. “I have some important news, Boys…” He looked at them, and grinned. “There’s going to be a new baby around here.”
“Aww!” King Piccolo flinched as all four of his mutant children groaned in disappointment.
Another one?” Tambourine moaned.
“Oh, how marvellous…” Piano muttered bitterly.
“This sucks.” Drum growled.
“What?” King Piccolo gasped, his eyes widening in shock. What the hell? What was their problem? As far as they were concerned he was going to create another child of the Demon King Piccolo – they should be thrilled! The treacherous little bastards! He should kill them all! “What’s wrong with you!” King Piccolo barked. “Don’t you want another brother?”
“King Piccolo, of course we don’t!” Cymbal protested. “Every time you make a child it’s just to replace the last one – we don’t want to be replaced!”
“Replaced…?” King Piccolo blinked. What? That’s what they thought this was? They thought they were being replaced? … Tch. Well, maybe they should be! The useless fools.
“Please, King Piccolo! Give us another chance!” Tambourine begged. “Whatever you want from this baby, we can do it, I promise! We’ll work really hard!”
“Yeah!” Cymbal nodded. “We can be better than the baby!”
“Yeah!” Drum said. “… But…” He looked at King Piccolo sheepishly. “Even if we can’t, can we still live here?” Then the other mutants glared at Drum.

Piano cleared his throat and looked at King Piccolo.
“Sire… please – just think about this. Before you spit out another egg, shouldn’t you at least try to patch things up with Junior first?” He suggested. “You never know – you might like him. We could be all the children you need.”
“Yeah!” The other mutants nodded enthusiastically. “Please, King Piccolo! Don’t replace us! Please!”

King Piccolo closed his eyes in annoyance, his fists clenched angrily as he listened to their pathetic pleading. Idiots… They were just a bunch of –
Idiots!” King Piccolo roared. He snapped his eyes open and glared at the mutants. “First of all, I think you soft-hearted morons should be replaced, so that’s still on the table! And secondly, it’s not my egg, it’s Frikiza’s – and it’s coming whether you freaks like it or not so you’d better get used to it!”

The mutants paused, then they slowly moved their eyes to stare at Frikiza in shock, and she gazed back with a small smile.
“F… Frikiza…” Piano stammered. “You’re… you’re pregnant?”
“Yes.” Frikiza smiled.
“But…” Tambourine choked. “I thought that was impossible…?”
“Maybe King Piccolo isn’t the father.” Drum said.
Ssh!” His brothers hissed at him angrily.
“Idiot!” Cymbal growled. “We were all thinking it, but you didn’t have to say it –”
Of course I’m the father!” King Piccolo screamed, almost causing the mutants to jump out of their skin in fright. They huddled together and started whimpering under King Piccolo’s demonic stare as he glared down at them. “Why would Frikiza ever so much as dream of cheating on me!” King Piccolo snarled. “I’m everything she could possibly want and more!”

Zarba, Doria and Frikiza all started giggling at his remark.
“Are those your words, Friki?” Zarba sniggered.
“Nope.” Frikiza answered, still giggling. King Piccolo simply glared at the girls and snorted angrily.
“But I… I don’t understand…” Piano uttered, staring at King Piccolo. “Sire – how can she conceive your child?”
“Though sex, of course.” King Piccolo answered bluntly. “We can fertilise each other’s eggs – what else do you think our things are for?”
“I… I never really thought about it…” Piano admitted.
“Don’t we just have them for fun?” Tambourine questioned.
“Oh my God.” Zarba groaned. “This is agony! Have none of you ever taken a sex ed class?”
“We only know as much as King Piccolo!” Cymbal protested.
“Well that isn’t a lot.” Zarba sniped, causing King Piccolo to glare at her.

Zarba let out a sigh, and looked at the mutants. “Listen… yeah, you guys can make eggs on your own – but guess what? Those things under your belts have a purpose! You can fertilise each other’s eggs – just like any other species that has sex organs!”
“So…” Drum began, and looked at his brothers questionably. “We can make eggs together?”
“Ew!” The other mutants yelped, jumping away from him.
“There’s an image…” Zarba mumbled.
“You can stay away from my eggs!” Cymbal growled. “I don’t want your DNA all over them!”
“Well it’s better than yours, Dragon-Face!” Drum argued.
“What did you call me!” Cymbal roared, advancing on Drum.
Boys!” King Piccolo barked, immediately ending their conflict. He looked down at the mutants. “Why are you even arguing about that?” He said flatly. “You’re brothers, you shouldn’t be doing it with each other anyway.”
“Ugh!” The mutants gagged, repulsed by the thought of even going near each other. “King Piccolo, we don’t!” The cried in disgust.
“Good.” King Piccolo grunted. “Anyway… So you see. This baby will be different to any of you, or Junior. He won’t just have my DNA, he’ll have Frikiza’s as well, and he won’t come out as an egg. He’ll be a live baby.”
“A baby…?” Piano repeated, his eyes widening.
“A baby…” Tambourine mumbled.

The four mutants paused for a moment, then all at once a look of elation swept across each of their faces.
“A baby!” They all exclaimed, and bolted over to Frikiza.
“Wha –” Frikiza cried out as the mutants pulled her towards them and into a group hug.
“Yay! A baby!” They chanted excitedly.
“Boys – be careful!” Piano gasped, pushing his siblings away from Frikiza. “Not so rough – you’ll hurt the baby!”
“It’s okay…” Frikiza giggled, blushing slightly. “It’s King Piccolo’s son, right? I’m sure he can handle a lot.”
“Oh…” Piano uttered. “Okay!” He grinned, and threw his arms around Frikiza, then they were immediately joined by the other mutants. They all hugged Frikiza excitedly, jumping up and down and cheering in celebration.

King Piccolo watched the scene in awe, becoming more insulted by the second. So… they didn’t want the baby when they thought it was just his child, but now that Frikiza was the mother they were overjoyed? What the hell!
Hey!” King Piccolo barked, glaring at the mutants. “What’s wrong with you? I thought you didn’t want a new brother!”
“Oh – but this is different, King Piccolo!” Piano insisted.
“How!” King Piccolo demanded.
“This is Frikiza’s baby too.” Tambourine said.
So what!” King Piccolo screamed, his ki exploding. “Why is it suddenly okay just because it’s half Frikiza?”
“Because it’s half Frikiza.” The mutants all answered simultaneously, causing King Piccolo’s head to almost explode with rage. Those insubordinate, treacherous, vile little –
“Hey.” Cymbal uttered, interrupting King Piccolo’s internal anger. He looked at Frikiza. “So… if he’s only half namek, does that mean he’ll take longer to hatch?”
“I guess so.” Frikiza nodded. “It’ll take a few months at least – but he won’t hatch out of an egg, remember. He’ll be a live baby.”
“Ugh.” Cymbal, Tambourine and Drum all gagged, suddenly realising what that meant.
“You’re gonna spit out a live baby?” Tambourine uttered. “That’s disgusting!”
“What…?” Zarba blinked.
“Oh wow… They don’t know anything, do they?” Doria gasped.

The three mutants all looked at Frikiza in confusion.
“Isn’t that how it works?” Cymbal asked.
“Um… no.” Frikiza answered. She looked at Piano. “You guys don’t know?”
“Well… I know a little…” Piano mumbled, his cheeks darkening in embarrassment. “I mean – I had no idea we could have children with each other, but… I do know how other species work… Mostly, anyway.” He looked up at King Piccolo. “You probably know more than me, Sire.”
“Nope.” King Piccolo shrugged, stubbornly folding his arms. “You know as much as I do.”
“Wait – so you gave Piano the knowledge but not the others?” Zarba frowned at King Piccolo. “Why?”
“Why? Because they don’t need to know anything!” King Piccolo barked defensively. “They were all supposed to be warriors – the more energy I put into making them smart, the less I could put into making them strong. That’s why they’re dumb.”
“Hey.” Tambourine frowned. “We’re not dumb, King Piccolo.”
“Drum is.” Cymbal stated.
“No I’m not!” Drum snapped. Cymbal looked at him.
“What’s two plus two?” He asked.
“Twenty-two.” Drum pouted.
“… Okay.” Cymbal mumbled, slightly embarrassed that Drum had given what Cymbal himself believed to be the right answer. “Sorry, Drum… That’s right.”
“No, it’s really not.” Zarba sighed.

Piano cleared his throat, pulling his brothers back to the matter in hand.
“Boys, um… maybe we should explain. You see – what happens with non-egg laying species is… um… well…” He shifted uncomfortably, and looked at King Piccolo. “Would you care to tell them, Sire?”
“Nope.” King Piccolo smirked down at Piano, relishing in the mutant’s discomfort. “Go ahead. They’re your brothers.”
“They’re your children, that you failed to educate.” Piano thought bitterly to himself.

He let out a sigh, and looked at his younger siblings. “Well… our vaginas are um… they’re where we put our… penises…” His cheeks were turning darker by the second. His entire body felt as if it were on fire as his embarrassment grew. “And apparently, that’s how we fertilise each other’s eggs. Well… that’s how other species do it too, except… they don’t spit their children out of their mouths.” Piano cleared his throat, and looked at his brothers. “They push them out of their vaginas.”
What!” The mutants screamed with wide eyes and looks of horror on their faces.
“But – won’t that hurt?” Drum gasped.
“Yes – a lot.” Frikiza nodded. “That’s why I never planned to get pregnant again – childbirth is horrible.”
“Don’t worry.” Zarba smirked. “It should be easier this time – it’s already loose from your first child, right?”
“No it’s not!” Frikiza barked, her cheeks darkening.

King Piccolo looked at Frikiza curiously. Loose? He’d never thought it was loose… He moved his eyes to Zarba.
“She was tighter before?” He questioned.
“No –”
Yes.” Zarba interrupted Frikiza. “Trust me. I was her girlfriend at the time, and I noticed a difference.”
“You so did not.” Frikiza pouted.
“Hm.” King Piccolo uttered. “I always thought it felt tight…”
“Well, I guess you’re lucky.” Zarba smirked. “If your thing was average size, you wouldn’t think it was so tight.”
Okay!” Doria yelled, rapidly changing the subject. “Can we not talk about their stuff?” She looked at the still-terrified mutants. “Listen – it’s not that scary, Guys. It probably just sounds worse because I guess namek ones aren’t built to accommodate something as big as a baby.”
“Or King Piccolo…” Zarba smirked, causing Frikiza to turn bright purple while King Piccolo grinned smugly.
Anyway…” Doria hissed, glaring at Zarba. She looked back at the mutants. “In other species it stretches, so it’s really not that bad.”
“Whatever. It’s obvious you’ve never given birth.” Frikiza growled.
“Frikiza… Does it really hurt a lot?” Cymbal asked, looking at his stepmother with concern.
“Well… yeah.” Frikiza answered with a small smile. “But it’s okay. Once the baby comes out, you don’t really mind… I guess it’s worth the pain.”
“What are you going to call him?” Tambourine asked excitedly.

Frikiza paused, and blinked.
“I don’t know…” She uttered, looking at King Piccolo. “I… couldn’t really think of a name. Can you?”
“I haven’t tried.” King Piccolo shrugged. A name? Already? Why did she want to decide now? He hadn’t named his other children until seconds before they’d hatched. … Whatever. If she wanted to name him now then fine, it was one less thing to do later. Hm. What should his name be…?
“May I suggest something?” Piano asked.
“Sure.” Frikiza smiled. “Go ahead.”
“How about ‘Keyboard’? Piano beamed.
“What?” Tambourine frowned. “Why should he be named after you?”
“He isn’t. My name is Piano.” Piano said flatly.
“Oh, whatever – we all know it’s a play on your name!” Cymbal pouted. “How about ‘Sambal’?”
“That sounds exactly like your name too!” Tambourine yelled. “And it’s also a kind of food, so it’s extra stupid!” He folded his arms stubbornly. “We should call him ‘Tambour’.”
“We’re not calling him ‘Tambour’, that’s a ridiculous name.” King Piccolo growled.
“Thank you!” Piano and Cymbal stubbornly huffed, glaring at Tambourine.

King Piccolo paused for a moment, deciding on a name for his next child. Hm… yes. Actually, that one wasn’t bad… He looked at Frikiza.
“How about ‘Bass’?”
“ ‘Bass’…?” Frikiza repeated, considering the name.
“As in ‘Drum and Bass’?” Zarba uttered, and grinned. “That’s kind of cool.”
“Yeah.” Doria smiled. “I like it, Friki.”
“Hm…” Frikiza uttered, then smiled back. “I like it too.”
What?” Piano, Tambourine and Cymbal all cried out, while a wide grin swept across Drum’s face.
“King Piccolo – you’re naming the baby after me?” He beamed.
“No.” King Piccolo snorted. “I like the name, that’s all. Yours is a coincidence.”
“Oh…” Drum uttered, still unable to shake the grin from his face. “Thank you! He’ll be my best friend, I promise! I’ll teach him everything I know!”
“That won’t take long.” Tambourine muttered bitterly, glaring at Drum in envy. This wasn’t fair…
“King Piccolo, why does the baby’s name go with his?” Cymbal sulked. “He’s the youngest! He shouldn’t get priority!”
“I agree…” Piano mumbled.
“Stop whining – you sound like a bunch of spoilt kids.” Zarba scolded. “Anyway, he’s not the youngest. You have little brother already, you know. Besides…” She looked at the mutants with a mischievous smirk. “That’s the name your father chose. Are you really going to argue with him?”

Piano, Tambourine and Cymbal all looked up at King Piccolo, who stared back at them menacingly, and the mutants quickly backed down.
“No…” They whimpered sheepishly.
“Great! So it’s settled.” Zarba beamed. She crouched down to Frikiza’s midsection and poked her lightly. “Your name is Bass.”
“And you’re named after me!” Drum grinned.
“No he’s not!” King Piccolo yelled at the top of his lungs, loud enough to make the entire mansion tremble, but the wide grin remained on Drum’s face.

Chapter Text

“Thank you, Ma’am. Have a nice day!”
“Oh I will.” Zarba replied to the shopkeeper, who had just sold her one of the most expensive perfumes Earth had to offer. Zarba left the store and walked down the street towards her next target. Hm… Maybe some jewellery next. She’d already bought perfume, a dress, underwear, shoes, and she’d had her hair and nails done… The next logical step was buying jewellery, right? At the very least, some earrings. Or a necklace… Or a matching set! A jolt of excitement fluttered through Zarba’s heart as the idea of buying a set of jewellery occurred to her. She loved payday… Once a month Frikiza gave Zarba and Doria ‘spending’ money. It was something she had done with Zarba for many years. Back when they were a couple, Frikiza would often shower Zarba with money and gifts to keep her sweet and beautiful, and to show off. Zarba always did like a big spender – and Frikiza’s fortune always did guarantee Zarba’s loyalty. Well… everyone has their price, right?

Then, not long after she and Zarba had broken up, Frikiza had ‘turned good’ and gone on the run from her family, taking nobody with her except Zarba and Doria. They didn’t have to stand by her, but Frikiza was grateful that they did… So, every month she paid Zarba and Doria a small fortune as a thank you for staying at her side, and also to make sure they were still living as comfortably as they could. After all, Zarba liked being comfortable… and on payday she always was!

She stepped into a jewellery store, her arms filled with shopping bags from designer stores and her expensive clothing and hairdo immediately grabbing the attention of the store assistants.
“Can I help you, Ma’am?” A store assistant politely asked, with zeni signs in his eyes as he gazed as Zarba.
“Mm.” Zarba looked at him. “I wonder… Would you be able to recommend anything for me?”
“I’m sure we could find something.” The man smiled. “If I could ask… what is your price limit?”
“I don’t have one.” Zarba replied, and smirked as the man’s entire face lit up just as she’d expected.
“Right this way!” He exclaimed, and escorted Zarba to the store’s most valuable items. The more expensive ones always were the best… Wow, these were beautiful. Zarba’s eyes twinkled as she stared at the selection of jewellery… This was miles better than baby shopping!


Meanwhile, a bored, tired and frustrated King Piccolo was being dragged against his will around the fifth baby store they’d been to today.
“What about this one?” Frikiza beamed, admiring a pale oak crib.
“That’s a nice colour.” Doria smiled from beside her. “But… the bars are kind of scrawny…”
“Yeah… I thought so too.” Frikiza sighed. She looked at her husband. “What do you think, Pickle?”
“I think it looks exactly the same as the last one!” King Piccolo barked. “And the one before that and the one before that – what is wrong with you!”
“Stop whining!” Frikiza snapped. “What is wrong with you? Don’t you care where your son sleeps?”
“No!” King Piccolo wailed. “I can’t think of anything less important! He’s going to fit in that thing for three days!”
“No he won’t!” Frikiza argued. “Icejins grow slowly – he’ll be in this for at least a year! And even if it is just three days, so what? He’s your son!”
“Exactly. So he can sleep on the floor.” King Piccolo growled.

Frikiza simply shot him a dirty look and went back to the crib.
“You know… I think that first one was my favourite…” She said. “It felt like the one.”
“You want to go back and look at it again?” Doria offered.
What!” King Piccolo shrieked. “You mean the store we spent an hour in this morning? Didn’t you look at it enough?”
“Well maybe if I had your input this would go quicker!” Frikiza snapped. “You know, this isn’t anywhere near over, Piccolo! Once we’ve picked the crib we still need bedding, and clothes, and a stroller and a steriliser and bottles – and then we need to decorate the room so we have to pick out stuff for that – this is nowhere near done!”
“What?” King Piccolo groaned, and every last drop of the will to live slipped out of his exhausted body. Why…? Why was this happening to him…? His new life had been so great up to now… What, was this some kind of balancing measure? Was this baby here because King Piccolo was too happy? Why did the baby need all this stuff! Junior had hatched all on his own and he’d managed to survive without all this crap!
“Come on.” Frikiza ordered. “We’re going back to look at the first crib.”
“You girls go on ahead.” King Piccolo grunted, laying himself down on the floor. “I’m staying here.”
“Come on!” Frikiza huffed. She wrapped her tail around his waist and tugged at him, but King Piccolo snarled viciously and dug his claws into the floor. “Piccolo.” Frikiza hissed. “Get up.”
“No!” King Piccolo growled stubbornly. “Whatever you want you’ll have to get it here, because I am not going to another store!”
“Yes you are.” Frikiza argued.
“No I’m – hey!” King Piccolo cried out and started to squirm against Frikiza’s tail as she dragged him out of the store, with Doria giggling as she followed on behind them. Everyone in the store cried and shivered at the sound of King Piccolo’s claws scraping against the stone floor, and they were all glad when he was finally dragged outside.


“I’ll take that one!” Zarba said enthusiastically as a ring caught her eye, causing her heart to melt with what she thought was love at first sight. She’d already bought earrings and a necklace, but this ring… it was something else! She had to have it!
“Excellent choice, Ma’am.” The shop assistant smiled. “What size do you require?”
“L.” Zarba stated, and then her heart sank as a look of disappointment appeared on the shop assistant’s face. “What is it?”
“We’re out of size L…” He uttered. “The largest size I have is K… would you like to try it?”
“Fine.” Zarba sighed. Dammit… This had better fit! She had to have that ring! It was made for her!
“Here.” The shop assistant presented Zarba with the largest ring they had in stock. She tried to place it on her finger, but no amount of pushing would make it fit… Dammit!
“This is ridiculous!” Zarba growled angrily. “What kind of store doesn’t stock size L!”
“We do!” The shop assistant insisted. “But we’ve just sold our last one – to that lady there.”
“Hm?” Zarba grunted. Oh, she had to see this… She had to see the skank that had taken her ring!

Zarba followed the shopkeeper’s gaze and saw a human woman with blue hair… Ugh. She was old! Seriously, that was the ring’s new owner? Oh, hell no. There was no way that woman was taking Zarba’s ring! She couldn’t even pull it off – her skin was too wrinkled! Zarba huffed loudly, and made her way over to the woman.
“Um – Ma’am –”
“Quiet!” Zarba barked at the shop assistant who tried to stop her, and continued her march.

The blue-haired ‘old’ woman, who was still in her forties, was about to leave the store when Zarba stepped in front of her. “Excuse me.” Zarba smiled. “I think there’s been a mistake… You just bought a ring that was obviously made for my finger, and ordinarily I wouldn’t mind, but… It was the last one. So.” She narrowed her eyes at the woman. “How much do you want?”
“Excuse me?” The woman frowned in annoyance. “What are you talking about?”
“Look – I’m being generous here.” Zarba said. “I could just take that ring from you, but instead I’m offering to buy it for more than you paid. So name your price.”
“I don’t have one.” The woman growled. “This is my ring.”
“No, it’s mine.” Zarba replied. “It was obviously made for me, and you’ll only offend it by putting it on your finger. So… I’m going to ask you one last time.” She looked at the woman sternly. “How much do you want?”
“Tch.” The woman snorted. “Listen Missy, I have no idea who you are, but I’d drop the attitude if I were you. I’m Bulma Brief, the heir of Capsule Corp – so last thing in the world I need is your money. This is my ring, and if you don’t like it then that’s too bad. Now get out of my way.” She forcefully pushed Zarba to the side and walked past her, oblivious to the true extent of Zarba’s power.

Zarba paused for a moment, using every ounce of willpower in her body to stop herself tearing off this woman’s head. Bulma Brief? Who the hell was that? What, was she some kind of billionaire? Tch. Whatever. All the money on Earth was a mere fraction of Frikiza’s value. How dare that woman touch Zarba! How dare she place those low-class, aged, vile hands of hers on Zarba’s perfect skin. She would pay.
“Bulma.” Zarba uttered, grabbing hold of Bulma’s arm. She squeezed Bulma’s arm tightly, digging her nails into her skin, and glared into the human woman’s eyes. “The ring. Now.” Zarba ordered sternly. “I won’t ask you again.”
“Bite me, you blue freak!” Bulma snapped.
“Freak…?” Zarba repeated quietly, her rage steadily building. Oh, she did not just say that…
“Yeah, and let go of me!” Bulma growled. “I don’t know where you’ve been, I don’t want to get sick off you!” Oh, that was it!


Meanwhile Frikiza, King Piccolo and Doria were coming out of the first baby store they’d visited, after finally ordering a crib.
“That one was perfect, Friki.” Doria smiled.
“You think so?” Frikiza beamed. “It just… felt right.” She looked up at her husband. “That was the best one, right Piccolo?”
“Ng.” King Piccolo grunted, his face filled with anger and frustration at being forced to endure yet another round of baby shopping. Frikiza giggled.
“Let’s take a break.” She said, putting her arm around King Piccolo’s waist. She trailed her tail down King Piccolo’s spine and squeezed his hand. “You want to get some food?”
“Yes.” King Piccolo answered grumpily. “At home!”
“This should be exciting for you too.” Doria frowned. “He’s your child.”
“Precisely.” King Piccolo snarled. “Which is exactly how I know that he won’t need any of this crap!”
“Piccolo, my child is not growing up in the wilderness!” Frikiza hissed. “Now come on – we need bedding.”
“Why didn’t you get that in there!” King Piccolo wailed.
“I didn’t see any I liked.” Frikiza replied. “But don’t worry – that last store we went to had some adorable stuff.”
“So why didn’t you get it before!” King Piccolo roared, rapidly losing his patience.
“I wanted to make sure I was getting that crib – otherwise it wouldn’t match.” Frikiza answered, as if it were obvious. “Come on, Pickle. The sooner we eat the sooner we can pick his bumpers!”
“His what?” King Piccolo cried.
“Just come on!” Frikiza held her grip firmly King Piccolo’s hand and started to pull him along.
“Wait – Frikiza!” Doria gasped, her eyes widening as she watched a news report that was being broadcasted on a giant TV screen above the store. “Look! Isn’t that Zarba…?”

Frikiza looked up at the TV screen, and let out a loud gasp.
“Oh my God!” She cried. “What is she doing?”
“Haha!” King Piccolo exclaimed, suddenly perking up. “Hey Girls, let’s go there next!”


Meanwhile, over in Capsule Corp, Dr. and Mrs Brief were staring at the TV in shock as they watched a news report that showed their daughter Bulma in the middle of a jewellery store, on the ground and wrestling with another woman while the store assistants tried desperately to separate them, only to be violently pushed away by both women.
“Oh Dear… I hope nobody calls the police.” Mrs Brief sighed. “Bulma wouldn’t last long in jail.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure Vegeta will handle it.” Dr. Brief replied. “Oh, Vegeta!” He called, but got no response. “… Hm. I suppose he’s in the gravity chamber with Trunks.” Dr. Brief said. He let out a sigh and rose from his seat, then headed for the door. “Vegeta! Bulma’s in trouble again!”


You bitch!” Bulma screamed as the two women leapt to their feet and Bulma threw a punch at Zarba.
“Old hag!” Zarba snapped, easily blocking Bulma’s attack. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m Zarbon’s counterpart – I could kill you right now if I wanted to! Do you really want to tempt me?”
“Go right ahead, you’ll have Goku and Vegeta to answer to!” Bulma snarled. “And by the way, who are you calling an old hag!” She grabbed Zarba’s hair and started to pull, causing Zarba to scream at the top of her lungs,
I just got my hair done!”
“Well you should thank me, it looks better now!” Bulma smirked. “And by the way, how are you Zarbon’s counterpart? Because I remember him being good-looking – ow!” She screamed as Zarba punched her in the jaw, causing Bulma to let go of Zarba’s hair.
“Zarbon are I are good-looking, not that you would know anything about that!” Zarba snarled. “How many mirrors do you break a day?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing!” Bulma screamed, and threw herself at Zarba.

The shop assistants watched in horror as the two women continued fighting, scratching and spitting at each other like a pair of wild dogs.
“Hello? Police?” The store manager spoke into the phone. “I need assistance at – aii!” He screamed as Zarba threw a ki blast at the phone, destroying it in his hands.
“Don’t even think about it! I am not going to jail for this skank!” Zarba barked.
“Me neither!” Bulma yelled.

At that moment Frikiza, Doria and King Piccolo stepped into the store.
“Excuse me!” A sales assistant gasped, racing over to them. “We’re closed!”
“Sorry… we’re with them.” Frikiza sighed, her face darkening in embarrassment.
“Oh…” The sales assistant mumbled. “… Can you make them stop?”
“Yes –”
“Wait.” King Piccolo uttered, interrupting his wife. He stared at the women, noticing how torn their clothes were. Their hair was wild and untamed; they exposed flesh was glowing with sweat; they were panting… “… Let’s wait for them to finish –” Thwack! King Piccolo flinched as Frikiza slammed her tail into his face, leaving a large tail print on his skin and almost breaking his nose. He turned to glare at Frikiza angrily, but she simply glared back with even more anger, as if she were going to kill him.
No.” Frikiza snarled. “I’m stopping this right –”
“What’s going on here!” An angry-looking Vegeta demanded as he burst into the store. He exhaled impatiently and locked his gaze onto the two fighting women, then his eyes widened. What… What the hell? Bulma’s father had said Bulma was being attacked in a jewellery store, but… he didn’t say who by… … Wow. She was gorgeous! She looked familiar, somehow… Maybe because he’d dreamt about her!
“Vegeta!” Frikiza cried, looking at him. “Bulma’s your wife, right? Get her under control!”
“Uh…” Vegeta grunted, watching the women wrestling. Well… Bulma wasn’t dying, right? Whoever this woman was, she was obviously holding back. Maybe they could go a little longer… with their glowing skin, and their ripped clothes and their panting…
“You’re kidding, right?” Frikiza snarled through gritted teeth as she noticed the enchanted look on Vegeta’s face. She grinded her tail into the ground in frustration, and let out a loud scream. “Fine!”

Zarba and Bulma cried out as they were suddenly torn away from each other and fired into opposite ends of the store, held in place by Frikiza’s ki.
“Hey!” They both barked, and then for the first time they seemed to notice Frikiza, King Piccolo, Doria and Vegeta. “… Oh.”
“Friki… How long have you been there?” Zarba asked sheepishly.
“Long enough.” Frikiza hissed.
“Vegeta! Do something!” Bulma wailed. “That ugly hag tried to kill me and steal my ring!”
“So what? You have enough rings.” Vegeta grunted.
“And I am not ugly!” Zarba screamed.
“Be quiet, Zarba!” Frikiza snapped.
“Zarba?” Vegeta choked, his eyes widening as he looked at the blue-skinned woman. Oh… Oh – it was! It was her – that was why she looked so familiar! He’d met her before! That woman, it was… it was the female Zarbon! Ew!
“That’s right.” Zarba cooed, winking at Vegeta. “It’s been a while, Vegeta. Haven’t you grown handsome?”
“S-Shut up!” Vegeta barked, his cheeks turning red. “What the hell is going on here! What are you doing on Earth?”
“She’s staying with me.” Frikiza answered angrily. “But I have no idea what’s going on!” She glared at Zarba. “Explain!”
“Friki, she started it!” Zarba wailed. “She took my ring!”
“It’s my ring!” Bulma screamed.
“Oh shut up, it was obviously meant for me!” Zarba snarled.
“No it wasn’t – I bought it!” Bulma argued, and looked at her husband pleadingly. “Vegeta! She tried to take my ring off me, and when I wouldn’t hand it over she attacked me!”
“What?” Vegeta barked impatiently. “You mean I interrupted my training over a stupid piece of jewellery? Are you kidding me, Bulma!”
“What!” Bulma cried. “Oh – I cannot believe you just said that! You know, it wouldn’t kill you to take your wife’s side every so often!”
“And it wouldn’t kill you to go a day without buying another piece of overpriced crap!” Vegeta roared. “Why do you even need another ring? You don’t have enough fingers!”

Meanwhile, while Vegeta, Bulma and Zarba were bickering amongst themselves, Frikiza was growing more and more enraged. She stood with her arms folded, digging her nails so deeply into her own flesh that she started to bleed, while her tail harshly grinded against the ground.
“Friki…” Doria uttered quietly, becoming unnerved by Frikiza’s growing anger. “I’ll handle this. You carry on shopping –”
Silence!” Frikiza suddenly screamed, so loudly the entire building shook.

Vegeta, Bulma and Zarba were immediately silenced, and they stared at Frikiza in shock.
“Friki…?” Zarba mumbled.
“Zarba.” Frikiza snarled, glaring at her. “Shut up.” She moved her eyes to the sales assistant. “That ring that she wants – don’t you have any more in stock?”
“No…” The sales assistant began. “But I… I tried to explain to her… we get a delivery tomorrow morning.”
“Really?” Frikiza hissed at Zarba. “You couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”
“What – no!” Zarba cried, staring at the sales assistant. “You never told me that! I ruined a perfectly good hairdo over this, you moron! And this dress is ruined! You’re paying for a new one –”
“No he’s not!” Frikiza yelled, cutting her off. She looked at the sales assistant and let out a sigh. “Listen… can you put one on hold for her?”
“Well… yes.” The sales assistant nodded. “But… they tore our carpet –”
“So charge her for it.” Frikiza growled. “Okay?”
“Um… okay.” The sales assistant whimpered, terrified by Frikiza’s angry aura. “That’s fine.”
“What!” Zarba cried. “Why do I have to pay for the carpet? She started it! Friki –” She immediately went quiet when Frikiza shot her a deadly look. “… … Tch.” Zarba grunted stubbornly. “Fine. Whatever. It’s not like I can’t afford it…”
“Haha!” Bulma grinned, pouting at Zarba tauntingly. Zarba simply shot her a nasty look.
“Hag.” She muttered.
“Whore –”
Shut up!” Frikiza wailed.

She suddenly released Zarba and Bulma from her ki, causing them to crash into the floor. The women cried out as they hit the ground, almost breaking their legs. “Zarba, come home now!” Frikiza barked. “And for as long as you’re in this universe you are grounded!”
“But… what about the ring…?” Zarba whimpered. “I have to come back tomorrow.”
I’ll get it.” Frikiza hissed. “And you’re not getting an allowance next month!”
“What!” Zarba shrieked, her eyes widening. “But Friki – that’s totally unfair!”
“So what!” Frikiza yelled. “Zarba – this was supposed to be a day where I could go shopping for my baby, and instead I have to stop you killing someone over a piece of jewellery! Does that sound fair to you?”
“Well I didn’t ask you to get involved…” Zarba mumbled sulkily.
“What about dragging me around the city to buy a load of crap we don’t need?” King Piccolo growled. “Does that sound fair, Fri - -” He was suddenly greeted by a cold, deadly look from Frikiza, and he immediately lost his nerve. “… Never mind.”
“Wait.” Bulma looked at Frikiza in surprise. “Frikiza – you’re pregnant?”
“Yeah…” Frikiza nodded. “It turns out nameks can have babies with other people too.”
“Oh!” Bulma gasped, and moved her eyes to King Piccolo. “So – you’re the father?”
“Gross…” Vegeta sniped.
Of course I’m the father!” King Piccolo roared. “Why does everybody keep asking that!”
“Sorry.” Bulma giggled. “Well – congratulations you guys! Have you thought of any names?”
“Well… we decided on ‘Bass’…” Frikiza replied, her mood steadily lightening now that somebody was actually taking an interest in her child.
“That’s a cute name.” Bulma smiled. “Hey – if you have a boy, let me know. I can totally recommend the best toys to buy! Actually, you can have some of Trunks’ old stuff if you want.”
“Really?” Frikiza beamed. “Thank you! I’m sure it will be a boy – it’s half namek, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Bulma nodded. “Hey – you wanna come back to mine? I need to change my clothes. We can talk babies!”
“Okay!” Frikiza grinned.
“Wait – you don’t want to carry on shopping?” King Piccolo uttered, staring at Frikiza in confusion.
No.” Frikiza replied icily. “I’m not in the mood – you can thank her for that.” She shot Zarba a nasty glare, then smiled sweetly at Bulma. “Let’s go.”

King Piccolo, Doria, Zarba and Vegeta all watched in astonishment as Frikiza and Bulma stepped out of the store and headed for Capsule Corp.
“… Thanks Zarba!” King Piccolo grinned, thrilled that he could finally get away from baby shopping.
“You’re welcome.” Zarba muttered bitterly. “I can’t believe she went home with her! Tch.” She folded her arms and huffed. “That’s what pregnancy does to your judgement.” She looked over at the sales assistant. “Hey – that ring had better be here tomorrow. Size L. Don’t forget!” She flicked her hair and stormed out of the store before the sales assistant had a chance to respond.
“She’s so stroppy.” Doria frowned.
“Hm.” Vegeta grunted. “What do you expect? She’s Zarbon. I wouldn’t mind if she was actually attractive… but she totally isn’t!” He scoffed stubbornly and left the store to head back home, trying desperately to get his thoughts of Zarba out of his mind, while King Piccolo was still thrilled that he could now enjoy the rest of his day.

Chapter Text

King Piccolo frowned at the sound of giggling drawing closer to him. He groaned inwardly. What were they doing now…? He, Frikiza, Zarba, Doria and his mutant children had all gone to an Easter fair and taken part in an egg painting contest… It was ridiculous. King Piccolo hadn’t wanted to go, but Frikiza had made him… Bitch. Sometimes, he really hated her. Really hated her. The whole stupid contest had been a complete waste of time anyway; he hadn’t even won. Tch. King Piccolo’s egg had been deemed ‘too scary’ for an Easter decoration and disqualified from the contest! Hmph. It was pathetic. Those judges were too soft! It wasn’t his fault that human children were scared so easily! Especially that little girl that had started crying at the evil demonic face King Piccolo painted on his egg… What was her problem? Had she been raised in a bubble? Her parents should be killed!

Anyway… Drum had won the contest, by painting a sickeningly cute design on his egg, and his prize had been a giant chocolate hamper. Not that he deserved it… The last thing Drum needed was junk food!

Hmph. What were they all giggling about now…? King Piccolo growled to himself as his family’s voices drew nearer, and he looked up to see Doria, Zarba and the mutants approaching him.
“What are you idiots laughing about?” King Piccolo demanded.
“King Piccolo, we painted Bass!” Tambourine beamed.
“Painted what?” King Piccolo frowned.
“Frikiza’s egg!” Cymbal grinned. “Look!”

They all stepped aside to reveal Frikiza, and King Piccolo’s eyes widened. What… What the hell was that? She’d…. She’d painted herself! Frikiza’s stomach was slightly enlarged, where her egg was growing. She was still so small it wasn’t usually noticeable, but now… How the hell could King Piccolo not notice it? There was a large egg painted onto her midsection with a… a face on it. It had antennae, and fangs, and… were those bunny whiskers? But there was an icejin tail… Ugh! Is that what these morons thought the baby would look like? Why did it have whiskers? And right on the top, amongst various colourful patterns and decorative markings, was King Piccolo’s symbol. Oh, hell no! He was not having his name plastered all over that!
“Happy Easter, Papa Piccolo!” Frikiza giggled, and King Piccolo moved his eyes to her face to see that she’d painted bunny whiskers on herself, and was wearing a pair of bunny ears, with a bunny tail strapped to her own… What the hell was wrong with her! Was she some kind of simpleton! “Do you like it?”
“No!” King Piccolo roared. “Of course not! What is wrong with you freaks – wash it off now Frikiza! That’s disgusting!”
“Oh, don’t be so miserable.” Zarba smirked. “It’s Easter. You’re supposed to paint eggs.”
“Don’t worry. The paint won’t harm him.” Frikiza assured. “Don’t you think it’s cute?”
No!” King Piccolo wailed. “You’re all insane!”
“Frikiza, I told you he wouldn’t like it.” Piano sighed.
“That’s only because it doesn’t look enough like him.” Zarba said. “Come on Friki – let’s make it look more miserable.”
“And scarier.” Doria added, and the gang left the room in a fit of giggles.
“Idiots…” King Piccolo snarled, and yelled after them. “You simpletons are the reason I’m miserable!” And his ki fired up in anger when their giggles grew even louder.

Chapter Text

Videl let out a sigh as she watched Piccolo Junior set down another bag of ‘heavy’ groceries on the kitchen worktop. Honestly… this was ridiculous. Videl was pregnant with Gohan’s child, which she had been for a while, but ever since she’d started to show Gohan had suddenly become ridiculously protective of her. He wouldn’t let her carry groceries in case it strained her – as if they were really that heavy! Videl might not be a saiyan, but she was one of the strongest humans in the world – and Gohan seemed to forget that. Normally he did the grocery shopping these days, but he had to work late and they were out of stuff, so… Poor Piccolo had been roped into it. Videl felt so guilty; she really didn’t need his help!
“You know, you could have just told Gohan you helped me. You didn’t really have to do it.” Videl said. “I can keep a secret.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Piccolo Junior grunted, trying to hide the fact that he was mildly annoyed. He agreed with Videl; she really didn’t need his help. It wasn’t like she was buying a bag of rocks – and even if she was, Piccolo Junior was pretty sure that even in her condition, she could handle it. “Do you need a hand putting it away?”
No, I’m fine.” Videl growled, unpacking the shopping. “Take a seat, I’ll be over in a second.”
“Actually, if you don’t mind I think I’ll take off.” Piccolo Junior replied. “I have stuff to do.”
“Oh – okay. Thanks for helping anyway.” Videl smiled, and suddenly gasped as she remembered something. “Oh – Piccolo, I forgot to say – congratulations! I heard about your father and Frikiza – it’s such exciting news!”
“Huh? Oh… Yeah.” Piccolo shrugged. “Whatever.” Actually no, it wasn’t exciting. What the hell was exciting about his father marrying Frieza? And why was Videl only mentioning it now? King Piccolo and Frikiza had been married for months – did she really not know? “You know,” Piccolo looked at Videl. “That happened a while ago – even before your wedding.”
“Really?” Videl gasped. “But Bulma said she isn’t even big! Is that normal for her race?”
“I… I guess? I don’t know. Maybe she hasn’t finished growing.” Piccolo Junior frowned. What the hell was she talking about? What did Frikiza’s size have to do with her marriage to Piccolo’s father? Was it weird to marry someone so much shorter than yourself? Videl wasn’t exactly Gohan’s height. Maybe it was her pregnancy… What was it called, that ‘baby brain’ thing? The thing that made pregnant women ditsy? It was obviously affecting Videl.
“Well, obviously not!” Videl laughed. “I wouldn’t expect her to stay that size forever.”
“I think her other forms are bigger.” Piccolo Junior replied.
“Oh really?” Videl uttered, sounding surprised. What? Why was she surprised? Then again, Videl had never met Frieza, had she? So maybe she didn’t know icejins could transform; Gohan might not have told her, after all.
“Yeah, she can transform.” Piccolo nodded. “If she’s anything like Frieza, her other forms are bigger.”
“But Bulma said she’s trapped in her final form now until she gives birth.” Videl frowned. “So she can still transform?”
“Until…?” Piccolo Junior uttered, his eyes widening. Wait… What? Until she…? No. No, that was ridiculous. He must have misheard her…

Videl nodded.
“Yeah – Bulma said Frikiza told her that when icejin women are pregnant, they’re trapped in their real forms until the baby’s born. Who told you she could still transform?”
“No, I… nobody told me…” Piccolo mumbled. What…? What?
“Oh – well, yeah. Apparently she can’t now.” Videl said. “It must be annoying…” She giggled a little. “Still, you kept that quiet! I had no idea she was pregnant before we got married! How did you keep it secret that long? I’m sure I would have cracked – it was so hard keeping this one from Gohan for as long as I did.”
“Videl –”
“But if it’s taken her that long to show, does that mean she’ll be pregnant for longer?” Videl questioned, looking at Piccolo Junior curiously. “What’s her due date?”
“Videl, what are you talking about!” Piccolo Junior demanded. “Frikiza isn’t pregnant!”
“What?” Videl blinked, then her eyes widened. “Oh… Oh my God!” She clasped her hands over her face, suddenly looking worried. “You mean… they haven’t told you?”
“Told me what!” Piccolo Junior roared. “What’s going on!”
“Your – your father… I’m sorry – I just assumed you knew!” Videl protested. “I’m so sorry, Piccolo!”
“Knew what!” Piccolo Junior barked, rapidly losing his patience as his heart started racing. No… No, he wasn’t hearing this. No no no no! “Tell me!”
“Your father and Frikiza – they’re having a baby!” Videl cried.
What!” Piccolo Junior screamed.
“You really didn’t know?”
No!” Piccolo Junior shrieked, his eyes almost popping out of his skull and his entire body shaking as he started to back away. “I – I…” No… No, this couldn’t be… No! “I have to go!” Piccolo cried. He turned around and bolted out of the house with Videl following closely behind. She chased him outside and as Piccolo Junior leapt into the air and rapidly become a mere speck in the sky, Videl called after him,
“Piccolo! If they ask, you didn’t hear it from me!”


Meanwhile, in the garden of Frikiza and King Piccolo’s mansion, the demon family were enjoying a day in the sun.
“This is boring.” King Piccolo complained as he lay on his back beside Frikiza. “How the hell can you do this all day?”
“Isn’t the sun nice…?” Frikiza replied softly, basking in the intense heat of the sun as it shone directly onto her.
“Whatever.” King Piccolo grunted, climbing to his feet. “Boys!” He called to the four mutants that were playing in the pool. “Who wants to fight King Piccolo?”
“Count me out!” Piano protested.
“I didn’t mean you, I mean the strong ones.” King Piccolo smirked nastily, causing Piano to turn away in a sulk.
“Excuse me, Your Highnesses?” A servant of the mansion uttered as she approached Frikiza and King Piccolo. “Prince Junior is here, and he says he needs to speak to you imm – aii!” She let out a scream as Piccolo Junior charged past her, almost knocking the young girl to the ground.
“Hey!” King Piccolo barked at his son. “Be careful around my slaves!”
“I’m not a slave…” The servant muttered angrily as she headed back inside. King Piccolo glared after her and was about to made her regret her insolence when Piccolo Junior’s voice interrupted him.

King Piccolo looked at his youngest child. Tch. What was his problem? He looked frantic. What, did he have a bad dream or something?
“What’s wrong with you?” King Piccolo frowned.
“I just heard from Videl that –” Piccolo Junior moved his gaze to Frikiza as she sat up, and his eyes widened as they settled on her midsection. It was… it was swollen… “Is…” Piccolo Junior stammered, pointing at Frikiza’s stomach. “Is that… my father’s egg…?”
“Yeah.” Frikiza smiled. “You can see him now, right?”
“ ‘H-Him’…?” Piccolo Junior repeated.
“Yeah.” Frikiza nodded. “We named him ‘Bass’. What do you think? Your father thought of it.”
“ ‘Bass’ – what!” Piccolo Junior screamed. “How long have you been pregnant!”
“Huh?” Frikiza blinked, and looked at her husband. “You didn’t tell him?” She growled, suddenly seeming annoyed.
“Hm.” King Piccolo shrugged, realising that he hadn’t. “I suppose I forgot.”
“You – you forgot?” Piccolo Junior wailed. “You forgot to tell me that you managed to get Frieza pregnant? Are you kidding me, Father!”
“She’s not Frieza!” King Piccolo snarled. “How many times do I need to say that!”
“Okay – that’s not the issue here!” Piccolo Junior barked. “I – I can’t –” He looked at Frikiza, and his face turned pale at the sight of her in… in that condition! Oh, God… This was horrible! This was a nightmare, wasn’t it? Just a nightmare? It – it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t possibly – Frikiza couldn’t really be carrying his father’s… Oh, hell! “How did this even happen!” Piccolo Junior cried.
“Oh, you don’t know?” King Piccolo sniggered. “Well, I suppose I never told you… Piano!” He called over to his eldest son. “Come here and educate your brother.”
“What?” Piano groaned. “But King Piccolo –”
“Do it.” King Piccolo seethed viciously, causing Piano to tremble slightly.

Piano let out a sigh, and reluctantly climbed out of the pool. He approached Piccolo Junior and stared up at him, then cleared his throat.
“Well…” Piano mumbled, unable to look at Junior any longer as his embarrassment grew. “What happens is… King Piccolo uh… or rather – any father, in this situation… He um…” Piano cleared his throat again, his embarrassment steadily growing. “He takes his um… penis, and he puts it in –”
I know what sex is!” Piccolo Junior screamed, his face turning violet in embarrassment.
“Well then what’s your problem!” Piano barked back. “Do you think I like telling you children were babies come from?”
“Piano, can you explain it to me again?” Drum called from the pool. “I don’t get it.”
“You don’t need to know, you are never going to get a girl!” Piano yelled back.
“Father!” Piccolo Junior breathed, staring at King Piccolo. “I mean – how did – how did this happen? You’re a namek!”
“Yeah, but we can fertilise other people’s eggs.” King Piccolo shrugged as if it were common knowledge. “That’s what our things are for – did you really think yours was just for peeing?”
“I… I never thought about it…” Piccolo Junior replied, his face still dark. “But… but you… you’re having…” He looked at Frikiza, and the sight of her pregnant body once again sent him into a frenzy. “This is insane!” Piccolo Junior wailed. “I didn’t even think it was possible! This is practically a miracle Father, and you didn’t even – I mean how could you not tell me that you got Frikiza pregnant!”
“I suppose it slipped my mind.” King Piccolo grunted.
“How!” Piccolo Junior roared, infuriated. This was outrageous! How could his father not tell him? Was he ever going to tell him? What about when the baby was born, was he going to tell Junior then? Ugh… Piccolo Junior winced. He didn’t even want to think about that. What would it look like? Half King Piccolo, and half Frieza… It would be a monstrosity! Were they really going to bring that into the world? And they were calling it Bass? As in ‘drum and bass’? … Why did Drum get the baby’s name? What was so special about that overgrown simpleton?
“Well maybe if you stopped by to visit every so often, I would have told you.” King Piccolo growled, sitting down.
“I don’t need to visit for you to tell me!” Piccolo Junior protested. “We’re telepathically linked – you can contact me at any time.”
“Oh yes. We are, aren’t we?” King Piccolo sniped, glaring at his son. “I thought the link was broken, because you never ask me how I am.”

Piccolo Junior turned around to see his siblings all out of the pool and glaring at him.
“You never ask us how we are either, Junior.” Tambourine pouted.
“After we tried so hard to welcome you into the family.” Cymbal growled.
“Really? And how exactly did you do that?” Piccolo Junior argued. The mutants went quiet, unable to give a valid answer.
“Uh…” They uttered, while Piccolo Junior watched them. Tch. Yeah, just as he’d thought. Idiots.
“Well – we didn’t kill you!” Drum protested, and the other mutants all nodded in agreement.
“Yes, that’s right. We didn’t kill you, Junior.” Piano frowned.
“Not a single one of you could kill me if you tried.” Piccolo Junior snarled. “In fact – if all four of you combined your powers you still couldn’t kill me, so keeping me alive is hardly your choice.”
“Well even if it was, we would have done it anyway!” Drum pouted, and the other mutants once again nodded in agreement.
“Whatever.” Piccolo Junior growled, folding his arms.

He once again looked at Frikiza, finally starting to adjust to the idea. Tch. A baby. … Well, it was their choice, right? It was their responsibility. If they wanted to bring this demon-icejin freak into their lives then that wasn’t Junior’s problem. They’d regret it, but who was he to say anything? They were old enough to make their own decisions. … Tch. Idiots. “So…” Piccolo Junior grunted, forcing an interest. “This… ‘child’. When is it due?”
“Oh – the doctor worked it out, and apparently it’s not long after Gohan and Videl’s baby.” Frikiza smiled. “That’ll be nice, right? They can be friends.”
“Nope.” King Piccolo said flatly.
“Yeah, that’s not a good idea.” Piccolo Junior said. “Your baby will try to eat theirs.”
“He will not!” Frikiza pouted.
“Haha! Yes he will!” King Piccolo grinned, his eyes lighting up at the thought of his offspring destroying Goku’s grandchild.
“No he won’t.” Frikiza hissed, glaring at her husband, who glared back.
“Tch.” Piccolo Junior grunted stubbornly and folded his arms. “I’d still recommend keeping them apart.”
“Hey Junior,” Tambourine smirked, noticing his younger sibling’s seemingly bitter mood. “You aren’t jealous, are you?”
“Jealous?” Piccolo Junior repeated defensively. “What are you talking about?”
“Well… right now, you’re the baby of the family.” Tambourine smirked. “And when Bass comes along, you won’t be.”
“You think I care about that?” Piccolo Junior snorted. “I’m only the baby because he never got a chance to make any more after me.”
“Well Junior, you know… of all of King Piccolo’s children, you are the strongest.” Piano said. “It’s no secret that he put everything he had into you.”
“Yeah. Some investment that turned out to be.” King Piccolo muttered bitterly, shooting Piccolo Junior a disapproving glare.

Piccolo Junior ignored his father and looked at Piano sternly.
“What are you getting at?” He demanded.
“Well… Frikiza was born with a power level of fifty thousand.” Piano said.
“So?” Piccolo Junior frowned.
“Oh yeah!” Cymbal grinned, following Piano’s lead. “And Bass is still going to be half King Piccolo – maybe even as much like King Piccolo as you are.”
“So basically, he’ll be just as good as you, but he’ll have a higher power level.” Tambourine sniped. “So he’d be a pretty good replacement for you, don’t you think Junior?”
“My power level is higher than fifty thousand.” Piccolo Junior answered flatly.
“Yeah, now.” Cymbal replied. “But it wasn’t that high when you were born. If Bass is born with that power level, think how strong he’ll be at your age! He’ll wipe the floor with you.”
“Yeah – he’ll be better than you in every way!” Drum grinned nastily. “So when Bass comes along, we can forget all about you.”
“Boys!” Frikiza scolded, glaring at the mutants. “Don’t be so mean! Bass isn’t going to replace anyone, and we are not forgetting your brother!” She looked at Piccolo Junior apologetically. “Ignore them, Junior.”
“Oh – thanks, like they were bothering me.” Piccolo Junior growled. “Listen – I have places to be. Congratulations on your little bundle of ice-cold demon, I hope he makes you very happy.”
“Thanks!” Frikiza beamed, hugging her midsection fondly. Piccolo Junior simply rolled his eyes and took off into the sky.
“Bye, Junior!” The mutants called after him tauntingly, and started sniggering amongst themselves, relishing in their cruel sniping.

Piccolo Junior gritted his teeth in annoyance as he flew away. He could still hear his brothers laughing… At his expense. Tch. Idiots. That was all they were. Just a bunch of simpletons. So what if King Piccolo was having another child? And so what if he came out stronger than Junior? Who cares? It would only be a matter of time before Gohan and Videl’s baby surpassed him anyway – even Frieza couldn’t compete against Goku’s clan. And why were they so sure Bass would even be strong? Sure – King Piccolo was strong, and Frikiza was strong, but that didn’t mean their child would be. What if the combination of their DNA actually made the baby weaker? Maybe he would only be as strong as Piano – or as weak as the average human. Either way, Piccolo Junior didn’t feel threatened. It wasn’t like he was close to his family; they all had a couple of screws loose – and his father was far too hot-headed to deal with every day; Piccolo Junior actually felt sorry for Frikiza. … Hmph. Whatever. Piccolo Junior headed for Kami’s Lookout, desperate for some calming medication after his family had wound him up so much, and in such a short space of time. They were unbearable. As far as Piccolo Junior was concerned, Bass was welcome to them.

Chapter Text

It hadn't been long since Piccolo Junior had left his father's mansion, after reluctantly coming to terms with the thought of having a younger brother on the way, and in the garden of Frikiza and King Piccolo's home the demon family were still enjoying a day in the sun, seemingly unfazed by Piccolo Junior's less-than-enthusiastic reaction to Frikiza's pregnancy.
“Hahahaha!” King Piccolo laughed triumphantly as he stood over Drum, who was now unconscious on the ground alongside Tambourine and Cymbal; all three of them had lost a fight with King Piccolo. “You boys need to practice more! I’m ashamed to call you my own.”
“Are they okay…?” Frikiza mumbled sleepily, not bothering to look up as she lay on her front, allowing the sun’s rays to soak into her back.
“Yeah, they’re fine.” King Piccolo answered carelessly.

Piano watched curiously as King Piccolo started to move his siblings’ unconscious bodies and positioned them in a straight line leading up to the pool.
“Uh… Sire?” Piano began. “What are you –” He stopped talking when King Piccolo ran up to the unconscious mutants and kicked the line so forcefully that all three of them went flying into the pool. “… Oh.” Piano sweat dropped. “Never mind.”

Piano made his way over to King Piccolo and stood beside him at the pool’s edge, looking down at the bodies of his siblings as they made their way towards the bottom of the pool. Piano looked up at King Piccolo to see the demon king with a smirk on his face, watching to see if the mutants would wake up. “What if they don’t?” Piano uttered.
“Then they don’t.” King Piccolo shrugged.
“Mm…” Piano sat down and dipped his feet into the pool, almost bored as he waited for his brothers to put an end to their drowning.

It was only a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity before the three mutants suddenly sprung back to life. Their eyes snapped open and their kis all fired up at once as they bolted out of the pool, causing such a powerful splash it showered the entire garden.
Hey!” Frikiza screamed when she suddenly found herself soaked in cold pool water. She glared over at the nameks angrily, infuriated that she had been disturbed. “What the hell are you doing!”
“We – we…” Tambourine panted, desperately trying to catch his breath as he and his siblings coughed water out of their lungs.
“Those three are screwing around in the pool.” King Piccolo said, pointing at Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum.
“What!” The three mutants cried out, while Piano started giggling. Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum turned to Frikiza with wide eyes. “Frikiza – wait – aii!” They let out a scream as Frikiza’s tail slammed itself into them, knocking them back into the pool and almost shattering a couple of their ribs in the process.
“Hmph!” Frikiza huffed angrily, and returned to sun bathing while Piano and King Piccolo grinned triumphantly at each other.

It didn’t take long for Frikiza to dry off, but as soon as she did she was once again interrupted.
“Your Highnesses? Fortune-teller Baba is here to see you.” A servant’s voice came from above Frikiza.
“Mm… Okay… send her through…” Frikiza answered half-heartedly. Dammit… It wasn’t like she didn’t like visitors, but couldn’t they come on an indoor day…?

She waited for a short moment, and Fortune-teller Baba’s voice came from above her.
“Frikiza!” Baba exclaimed.
“Hi Baba…” Frikiza mumbled, turning onto her side to look at the Fortune-teller. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. “What can I do for you?”
“Oh – it’s nothing. I’m just stopping by quickly to say congratulations.” Fortune-teller Baba grinned. “There’s a rumour going round that you’re pregnant.”
“Oh – yeah.” Frikiza nodded, perking up. “Thanks.”
“So… this is… good news?” Baba asked cautiously.
“Of course!” Frikiza giggled, causing Baba to breathe a sigh of relief. “We’re thrilled – we already named him.”
“Oh, well that’s – uh…” Fortune-teller Baba looked at Frikiza sceptically. “ ‘Him’…?” She raised her eyebrows. “You… you got it confirmed already…?”
“No, we didn’t.” Frikiza replied. “But it’s part namek, right? So it must be a boy.”
“Yes, but… it’s also part icejin…” Baba replied, feeling a slight sense of panic. Oh, no… When she’d seen the vision of this child in her crystal ball – well, it wasn’t all that clear, but she thought it looked like… Dammit! She never should have looked! And she definitely shouldn’t have come! She did not need to hear this! Fortune-teller Baba had only come here to make sure King Piccolo wasn’t about to blow up the Earth over Frikiza’s pregnancy, and now there was this problem!
“Well, I guess there’s a small chance it could be a girl…” Frikiza admitted. “I don’t want to find out, but we’re painting the nursery neutral, just in case.”
“Oh!” Baba nodded, once again relieved. “Good idea – because even though it’s highly likely to be a boy… it isn’t certain.”
“Mm.” Frikiza beamed. “I think it’s a boy, though. It feels that way.” She lay on her back and closed her eyes, basking in the sun. “And I’m never wrong about this stuff.”
“There’s a first time for everything…” Baba mumbled. Well… that was a relief anyway; if Frikiza was prepared for both outcomes, there was nothing to worry about. So! Frikiza was pregnant, King Piccolo wasn’t about to go on a killing spree over it, and they were painting the nursery neutral. Perfect! Baba didn’t need to worry about a single thing –
“I guess so.” Frikiza giggled. “I really hope it’s a boy, though. I mean – I know it is, and I’m looking forward to it. It’s so exciting!”
“It’s… exciting?” Fortune-teller Baba uttered, once again becoming worried.
“Yeah. I always wanted a son.” Frikiza replied. “I have a daughter already – and don’t get me wrong, I love her, but… I always did want a baby boy.”
“And uh… if it’s not a boy… will you be disappointed?” Baba questioned.
“Yeah… I guess I will.” Frikiza said, and smiled. “But don’t worry.” She opened her eyes to look at Baba. “I know he’s a boy. Baby Boy Bass!”
“Mm…” Baba sweat dropped as she looked at the expression on Frikiza’s face. She had such a bright smile, so cute and innocent, and those sparkling red eyes… Oh, no… “Yes…” Baba laughed nervously. “Baby Boy Bass. Definitely.” Crap! Should she tell her? But then again, what if Fortune-teller Baba had been wrong? The image hadn’t been all that clear – and she’d hate to tell Frikiza something that wasn’t true, especially when Frikiza was so excited…
“Baba?” Frikiza uttered, noticing the look of worry on Fortune-teller Baba’s face. “Are you okay?”
“Oh – yes, Dear!” Baba nodded, waving a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about me. Like I said – I just came to say congratulations. I must be on my way now – bye! Oh!” She looked over at King Piccolo. “Congratulations, Piccolo!”
“Hm?” King Piccolo grunted, only half listening. He looked over at Baba, only to see her turn her crystal ball around and bolt off into the sky before he or Frikiza could say another word.

Frikiza watched Baba leave, and blinked in confusion. That was weird… why did she get all hectic all of a sudden…? … Oh well. Frikiza shrugged, and returned to her sunbathing.

Meanwhile, as she flew away Fortune-teller Baba was thinking wildly about her dilemma. Oh, this was so difficult… And here Baba was thinking she only had King Piccolo to worry about! What if it wasn’t a boy? Would Frikiza go on a killing spree and destroy the Earth? … No. No, Frikiza wouldn’t do that. She wasn’t the type. She was sweet, and gentle… Then again, a pregnant woman was dangerous, and a woman who had just given birth, who was exhausted and hungry and filled with hormones… Well, that was scary. Plus Frikiza did have a history of violence, being a female Frieza and once owning her own empire that made its money wiping out entire races and selling slaves… Oh, this wouldn’t be good. This would not be good! Maybe Fortune-teller Baba should warn her, and let her adjust to the idea – after she confirmed it with her crystal ball, of course. … But then again, Frikiza didn’t want to know, did she? And she was aware that it was possible the baby would be a girl… and she’d wanted a son the first time, right? And nothing bad had come of it – Frikiza loved her daughter all the same. Maybe this was fate. Maybe it wasn’t Baba’s place to intervene. What happened happened and what would be would be. … Hm. Yes. Right. She should leave it – after all, she hadn’t told anyone about Frikiza’s pregnancy, and that had turned out alright, hadn’t it? So whether or not this baby was a boy or a girl, it would be alright. It would. … And if not, Goku would always be around to put an end to Frikiza’s rampage. Oh, Goku… What would they do without him? Fortune-teller Baba let out a sigh and headed for Goku’s house, deciding that he at least should be warned there could be a storm on its way.

Chapter Text

Knock knock. … …
“Hello, Pumpkin!”
“Hi, Sweetie Pie!” Fortune-teller Baba jumped through the mouth of Babidi’s cave and into the wizard’s arms. “Did you miss me?”
“Of course.” Babidi nodded, escorting her through the cave. “Listen… Pui Pui and Yakon are out at the moment, so how about we do a little snuggling?”
“Okay, sure.” Baba nodded. “Will they definitely be gone for more than three minutes?”

Babidi stopped dead, and clenched his fists.
“Yes…” He hissed through gritted teeth. The nerve of her!
“Great!” Baba beamed, slapping him on the back. “Then let’s get to it, Stud! Oh – I almost forgot.” She looked at Babidi, and grinned. “I brought you something.”
“Oh, really?” Babidi beamed, his eyes lighting up in delight at the thought of getting a present. “What?”
“Here.” Baba removed her large pointed hat and took hold of the bottle of sake it was concealing. “It’s sake.”
“Sake…?” Babidi repeated cautiously, taking the bottle. He’d never heard of this before… “Do you drink it?”
“Yes.” Baba answered. “But… it’s quite strong, so just have it in small doses. Maybe you can share it with the others later.”
“Yes…” Babidi said, and smirked wickedly. “Or maybe you and I could have it now?”
“Oh… I shouldn’t.” Baba replied shyly. “I’m a terrible drunk. I always do things I regret –” She paused, realising that she and Babidi had first hooked up when she’d been drunk. “Well, I… I don’t always regret them…” Baba mumbled, quickly trying to repair the damage she’d no doubt done to Babidi’s pride. “Anyway… No – you go ahead when I’m gone.”
“Oh, come on.” Babidi insisted, his eyes glowing mischievously at the thought of Fortune-teller Baba getting drunk and doing something she regretted. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be here to take care of you, won’t I?”
“Hm…” Baba mused.
Please?” Babidi begged, cutely resting his chin on her shoulder. Fortune-teller Baba giggled.
“Well, alright.” She agreed. “I’ll have a little – but after we do it.” She tapped his nose playfully. “I don’t want you getting me drunk and making me do filthy humiliating things, Mister.”
“Oh…” Babidi sighed in disappointment, and watched as Baba headed for him bedroom, sober as a judge. “… Fine.” Babidi growled, and went after her. “But it’s not three minutes!”


“Ahahahahaha!” Fortune-teller Baba cackled loudly as she and Babidi drank sake and exchanged stories on top of a large hill that overlooked Bloody Pond and other areas of Hell – it was apparently a popular date spot. “So as soon as he turned around to get another one, I got the hell out of there!”
“Really?” Babidi sniggered. “He never came after you?”
“Oh, I’m sure he tried, but I gave a fake name.” Baba shrugged. “I always gave fake names back when I was younger – it was the only way I could have so many different boys on the go.”
“Really…?” Babidi uttered, staring at her in disbelief.
“Yes!” Fortune-teller Baba nodded stubbornly. “Believe it or not, I was quite the catch in my youth. All the boys wanted to date me. They would always do thinks to impress me.”
“Hmph.” Babidi snorted arrogantly. “Like what?”
“Oh… they would lift boulders, or buy me stuff, or fight each other… one boy even tried magic.” Baba answered. “But he sucked at it. They were just a bunch of illusion tricks, and he couldn’t even do them right.”
“That’s not real magic.” Babidi pouted. “If you want magic, you should come to me.”
“Ahahahaha!” Baba started cackling again. “Now now, Babidi… Don’t be doing your magic! Everyone knows you do bad magic.”
“I do not!” Babidi yelled, suddenly becoming angry. “I am the greatest magician that ever lived! There is nobody in the world that does magic better than me!”
“No no, you don’t understand…” Baba said. “I don’t mean ‘bad’ as in you suck, I mean ‘bad’ as in naughty. You do magic for bad reasons!”
“Oh…” Babidi uttered, settling down. “Well, yes I do. Deal with it.”

Baba started sniggering.
“You’re cute.” She smiled, and leaned against him. Babidi stared down at her, and a deep blush forming on his cheeks.
“Um…” He uttered shyly. “You know… I can do fun magic too.”
“Oh… really?” Baba lazily replied.
“Yes.” Babidi nodded. “For example… I could make a fireworks show for you right now!”
“Oh!” Baba exclaimed, sitting up in excitement. “You could? Go on then!”
“Well… I need your help first.” Babidi admitted. “You see… the last time I used magic down here, it was to hack into that giant orb…”
“Ahahahahaha!” Baba burst out laughing. “I remember that! That was hilarious! Yemma threw a fit!”
“Yeah, I thought it was funny too.” Babidi smirked. “But afterwards they revoked my powers, so I can’t use magic anymore.”
“Oh…” Baba sighed in disappointment. “That’s too bad…”
“But…” Babidi looked at her. “You have powers, don’t you? If you lend me a little of your power, I could probably create some fireworks.”
“Oh…” Baba uttered, and suddenly became uncomfortable. That was a big ask, after all… and definitely forbidden. “I don’t know…” Baba mumbled. “King Yemma was very clear – I can continue seeing you, so long as I don’t help you in any way. This is Hell, you know. You’re not supposed to have fun down here.”
“But it’s just a few little fireworks.” Babidi insisted. “And it’s just for us – nobody needs to know about it. Come on…” He leaned against her pleadingly. “Surely a beautiful woman like you deserves a spectacular show, created just for her by her handsome admirer?”
“Well… when you put it like that…” Baba giggled, easily won over by his flattering words. “… Okay.” She looked at him. “You can have a tiny bit – but no being naughty!”
“Okay, I promise!” Babidi grinned.

Fortune-teller Baba cleared her throat and pointed her hands at Babidi, and he suddenly started to feel a small surge of power coursing through his body. “Oh! Baba, that’s perfect!” Babidi exclaimed. “Yes! Paparapapa!” He threw his arms into the air, and out of nowhere came the most elaborate display of fireworks the world had ever known.
“Oh, wow!” Baba gasped, her eyes sparkling with the reflection of the fireworks as she gazed at them in awe. “Babidi…”
“See! I told you!” Babidi beamed. He started shooting fireworks all over the sky, making them bigger and more complex, until he finally got a little carried away…
“Babidi!” Baba screamed, her eyes widening as she saw a wild firework heading straight for a nearby barren, dried up forest. “Look out!”
“Oh, crap!” Babidi yelped, and the pair both screamed when the firework dove straight into the forest and set it alight.
“Quick! Do something!” Baba yelled.
“Uh…” Babidi thought frantically, and without really knowing what he was doing he threw another spell at the forest. “Paparapapa! – Oh crap!” His eyes widened as what was one firework turned into a hundred, and all of them started wildly shooting off all through the forest and all through Hell.
“What the hell did you do that for!” Baba wailed.
“I – I tried to undo the firework, but I just made more.” Babidi sweat dropped.
“Well put the fire out! King Yemma’s gonna kill us if he sees it!” Baba barked.
“Yeah… about that…” Babidi mumbled, his face darkening. “I can’t… I can’t put out fires.”
What!” Baba shrieked. “What do you mean you can’t? You’re a wizard! You can use magic!”
“Yeah, but it’s like you said.” Babidi replied. “I use my magic for bad stuff, right? So… I can start fires no problem, but I… I never learned how to put them out…”
Arrgggghhhhh!” Baba screamed, her face turning white with panic. “We’re dead! We are so dead!”
“Well I already am.” Babidi shrugged. “So I guess you’ll come out worse.”


Meanwhile, in Frieza’s capsule house, Dodoria was staring out of the window.
“Hey… Lord Frieza, you should take a look at this.” He said. “That wizard Babidi guy just set fire to that dried up forest.”
“Set fire to it?” Frieza frowned.
“Yeah, and there’s like a hundred explosions going on – he’s really going nuts.” Dodoria gasped.
“Why would he do that?” Frieza questioned.
“Could he be making a stand against the guards?” Zarbon suggested. “Perhaps he’s trying to start a riot.”
“A riot?” Cell gasped, leaping up. “What, and he didn’t invite us? That jackass! Come on Kids, we’re not staying here like a bunch of saps while they’re all out having fun! Let’s go and join in the riot!”
“But Papa –” Number Seven began, before his six brothers interrupted him.
“Yay!” They all exclaimed, and followed their father out of the house.

Dodoria looked at Frieza.
“Do you want to go?” He asked.
“Of course.” Frieza nodded. “But give it a few minutes for the saiyans to calm down first.”
“The saiyans?” Zarbon repeated questioningly.
“Yes.” Frieza said. “That forest is right next to Planet Vegeta’s hideout, so they’ve no doubt joined in the riot already, and you know how excited saiyans get. I don’t want to be in the vicinity while a bunch of monkeys throw their crap around.”
“Ew… good point.” Zarbon remarked, his face twisting in disgust. “They are awfully boisterous, aren’t they? Maybe we should hang back…”
“Okay. We’ll give it twenty minutes, they should be pretty well spread out by then.” Dodoria said. Meanwhile Number Seven looked at the adults worriedly, wondering why everyone in his house seemed to think it was okay to join in a riot.


“Crap crap crap crap crap!” Fortune-teller Baba and Babidi panted as they darted away from their crime scene.
“Okay!” Baba gasped, finally coming to a stop. “Here’s the plan – I’ll go back to Yemma’s office and pretend like nothing happened, and you go back home, and if anyone asks – we never left your cave!”
“Okay!” Babidi nodded. “Okay, that’ll work. Nobody saw us, right?”
“No, no they didn’t.” Baba said. “Okay – bye!”
“Bye!” Babidi gasped, and darted towards his cave while Fortune-teller Baba headed back to Yemma’s office.


Meanwhile, in the Planet Vegeta section of Hell, Bardock’s eyes were alight with excitement as he was one of the hundreds of people that had seen Fortune-teller Baba and Babidi set fire to the forest. He bolted towards the entrance of his cave, only to be greeted by a stern-looking Gine.
“Where are you going?” Gine demanded.
“Uh… to the riot?” Bardock uttered. “You aren’t coming?”
“No!” Gine huffed. “And you shouldn’t go either! Didn’t you pay any attention in rehabilitation class? That kind of destructive behaviour is the reason we’re down here!”
“Gine, that’s stupid!” Bardock argued. “Get out of the way!” He attempted to push Gine aside, but was greeted by a cold, deadly glare that made his tail stand on end. Whoa… she was serious.
No.” Gine snarled.
“But –”
“No buts!” Gine barked. “You’re staying here!”
“But –”
“Hey Bardock!” Bardock’s crew appeared behind Gine at the cave’s entrance, ready to riot. “What’s the hold up? Aren’t you coming to the –” They stopped dead when Gine turned around and gave them the same stare. “… Oh.”
“Hey Gine…” Toma sweat dropped. “Uh… can Bardock come out and play?”
“No!” Gine frowned. “And you guys shouldn’t be doing it either! You’re all a bad influence on Bardock!”
“Come on, lighten up.” Celipa frowned. “It’s just a little riot – it’s fun!”
No!” Gine yelled. “It’s bad! Our counsellor said so!”
“Tch. Whatever.” Celipa snorted, and smirked at Bardock mockingly. “Sorry, Bardock. Looks like you’re grounded. We’ll see you later.”
“Wait!” Bardock cried. “Guys –”
“Hahaha!” Bardock’s crew flew off, sniggering to themselves at Bardock’s expense.

Bardock’s shoulders sunk in dismay as he watched his comrades fly off to have fun, and he glared at Gine.
“Why the hell did you do that!” He yelled.
“You’ll thank me later.” Gine said. “Now come on.” She made her way back into the middle of the cave, just as Raditz darted past her and headed for outside.
“Nope.” Bardock said, grabbing hold of Raditz.
“What!” Raditz protested. “Dad – there’s a riot!”
“If I’m grounded, so are you.” Bardock snarled, and dragged Raditz kicking and screaming back into the cave.


“Yeah!” King Vegeta and Queen Turnipa exclaimed as they flew at their maximum power level, shooting ki blasts all through Hell and causing explosions and destruction everywhere. “I love destroying stuff!”
“It’s so much fun, I don’t know why we don’t do this more often!” Queen Turnipa grinned.
“Wow…” Nappa sniggered as he flew behind them, looking in admiration at the destruction they had caused. “You guys are really getting into the riot, huh?”

King Vegeta and Queen Turnipa stopped, and looked at Nappa blankly.
“Riot?” Turnipa repeated. “There’s a riot?”
“Yeah, since when?” King Vegeta questioned.
“Uh…” Nappa sweat dropped. “Isn’t that why you’re…? … You know what? Never mind. Just carry on.”
“We will.” King Vegeta and Queen Turnipa huffed, and continued firing ki blasts all over.
“Oh! Look!” Queen Turnipa gasped, pointing into the distance. “Isn’t that Frieza’s husband?”
“Huh?” King Vegeta looked over. “Oh… yeah, it is. Just make sure he doesn’t come onto our patch.” He growled.

Off in the distance, Cell was creating a trail of destruction of him own, alongside the six Cell Juniors that didn’t share the same morals as their brother.
“Papa! Look at me!”
“Look at me, Papa!”
“Papa! Look what I can do!”
“Okay Kids, that’s great!” Cell exclaimed proudly as each of his children demanded his attention at once. “Keep it up!”
“Papa, look at me! Look at me!”

As she watched the scene, Queen Turnipa smiled slightly.
“Isn’t that cute…?” She uttered. “It kind of makes me wish we’d paid more attention to our kids, Vegeta…”
“What!” King Vegeta gasped, his eyes widening. “Turnipa – be careful what you wish for! If we’d paid more attention to them, we would have had to spend time with them!”
“Oh – ew!” Queen Turnipa gagged. “No way! I’m glad we gave them away!”
“Me too.” King Vegeta nodded. “Now come on – I don’t want those little runts of Frieza’s coming near me. Children are full of germs.” He turned and flew off with his wife, away from Cell and the Juniors.

In another area of Hell, Frieza and his own family were creating some mayhem of their own.
“Haha! Face it Brother, mine’s bigger than yours!”
“No it’s not!” Frieza yelled, glaring at Coola as each of them formed a ki ball above their heads. “Papa!”
“Oh, don’t get me involved.” King Kold groaned from below them, where he was calmly sitting with a glass of wine, watching everyone else destroy Hell for him. “I’m still not happy with your life choices, Frieza.”
“At least I got married.” Frieza sniped, glaring at Coola.
“Yeah well, I have so many offers, I can’t possibly pick just one.” Coola smirked. “I guess you don’t have that problem, Frieza?”
“Bite me!” Frieza yelled, and threw his ki ball off into the distance. He watched it explode, and smirked proudly at the amount of destruction it caused. “Try to top that, Coola.” He challenged.
“Easily.” Coola snorted, and threw his ki ball, which created a bigger explosion than Frieza’s. “Haha!” He exclaimed triumphantly.
“Oh shut up, that was never bigger than mine!” Frieza argued.
“Was too!” Coola pouted. “Papa!”
“Not getting involved.” King Kold sighed, and took another sip of his wine.


Back in King Yemma’s office, King Yemma was shaking with rage as his ogres told him what was going on in Hell.
“How did it start!” King Yemma demanded.
“We’re not sure yet, Sir.” The ogre answered. He moved his eyes to Fortune-teller Baba. “You were just down there – didn’t you see anything?”
“Me? No!” Baba insisted. “I didn’t see anything! I was just with Babidi and we were minding our own business, and the next thing I know everyone’s rioting!”
“We’ll have to bring in assistance.” King Yemma sighed, and looked at his ogre. “Go upstairs and round up Otherworld’s strongest warriors.”
“Yes, Sir.” The ogre nodded obediently, and went to get help. King Yemma grunted in annoyance. Dammit… what could have started this? It was all so sudden – surely something must have happened to make everyone go off into a riot. He looked at Fortune-teller Baba.
“You really didn’t see anything?” King Yemma asked.
“No.” Baba answered, shaking her head convincingly. “Honest! I didn’t see anything at all.”
“Okay.” King Yemma sighed, and narrowed his eyes at her. “But you’d better not be lying.”
“Oh, I… I wouldn’t dream of it…” Baba sweat dropped, and nervously looked away.


Baba!” King Yemma roared so loudly his entire office jumped out of place and shook violently, while his booming voice echoed all down Snake Way and made the entire thing tremble as if it were being attacked. He glared at Fortune-teller Baba angrily, his head almost exploding with anger. The riot was under control now – just. There was an unbelievable amount of damage, but the forest fire had been put out and the rioters were locked away in prison… and they had all been keen very to tell the ogres of Hell just who was responsible for the riot, and who had been with him at the time… and the ogres had just finished telling King Yemma.
“Ah…” Fortune-teller Baba whimpered, looking up at King Yemma nervously. “Please – let me explain –”
“You don’t need to!” King Yemma roared. “Dammit Baba – I know you like that guy but I never thought you’d cover for him, not in a million years! How could you not tell me that Babidi was responsible for the riot?”
“Well – it was an accident!” Baba insisted. “Honestly! He just wanted to show me some fireworks! It was supposed to be romantic, and the next minute the forest was on fire! Then everyone else got involved and it all got out of hand… but he never meant for it to happen that way! Really, he didn’t!”
“And how exactly did he create the fireworks?” King Yemma snarled. “Because I seem to remember revoking Babidi’s powers, so you wouldn’t happen to know how he managed to get some of them back, would you?”
“Well… I… uh…” Baba stammered, her heart racing. Oh crap… What was she going to say? If King Yemma found out she’d been the one that had given Babidi her power, then she would have her powers taken off her too! She couldn’t have that – she needed her powers! She was a fortune-teller – she made her living out of magic! Dammit… There had to be someone else… Someone she could pin this on. Someone whose word was even less reliable than Baba’s. … … Ah! Yes! Baba grinned to herself inwardly. Yes, him! He was perfect! “King Yemma… I can’t say.” Baba uttered, pretending to be uncooperative.
“You can’t or you won’t?” King Yemma growled, glaring at her. “Baba… trust me. Whoever you’re covering, I can do you a lot more harm, so I suggest you tell me before you start to regret keeping your mouth shut.” He stared at her angrily, his large ogre eyes glowing with rage. “Who gave Babidi their power?”
“It was Frieza!” Baba cried. “He told me not to say anything – he even threatened me, but… it was him!”
“Frieza?” King Yemma frowned.
“Yes!” Fortune-teller Baba nodded frantically. “But listen – he threatened me a lot, so I want you to be my personal bodyguard from now on – that’s the price for this information, do you understand?”
“Baba.” King Yemma sighed, not convinced. “Why would Frieza give Babidi his power? What would he have to gain from it?”
“Well… at the time, he just said he wanted Babidi to be able to give me a good firework show.” Fortune-teller Baba explained. “But now that I think about it… I’m pretty sure he was lying.” She nodded, as if considering the motive behind Frieza’s alleged actions. “Yes… I’m definitely starting to think that he wanted to create a riot – he must have had it all planned out. Don’t you see, King Yemma? If there was a riot, Frieza could use that to distract all of us while he escaped from Hell.” Wow… that was good! Baba was impressed with herself. That really sounded plausible, didn’t it?
“Hm…” King Yemma grunted, weighing up her story. Well… it did make sense… Frieza was smart, after all. He was far too smart to try to escape from Hell in full view of the guards, when they could easily catch him. Perhaps creating a distraction did make sense… and it did seem likely that if Frieza was going to start a riot, he would try to pin it on someone else. He always did like to make other people do his dirty work for him, didn’t he…?
“Really…?” One of King Yemma’s ogre assistants uttered, looking at Baba sceptically. “Are you sure you didn’t give him those powers?”
“What? How dare you!” Baba barked. “I may like Babidi, but I’d never do anything as irresponsible as that! It was Frieza, I tell you! He tricked us – he said he just wanted to do something nice, but he must have known how wild Babidi would go with those fireworks – everyone knows how crazy Babidi can be! Frieza took advantage!” She let out a sigh, and hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry, King Yemma… I should have told you sooner… But the truth is, I never said anything before now because I felt so foolish. It really wasn’t Babidi’s fault, he couldn’t help getting overexcited, and he doesn’t know Frieza that well… but I do. I know what a menace Frieza can be, but I suppose, seeing as how Frieza was kind enough to invite me to his wedding, I let myself believe that he could change… I was a fool. Frieza was and always will be a criminal… and I was an idiot for thinking otherwise.”
“Hm…” King Yemma uttered. He stared at Fortune-teller Baba for a long moment, while she stared back nervously, her heart racing in her chest… and eventually, King Yemma sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up about it.” He grunted, finally believing her story. “In all honesty, even I started to think that Frieza could behave, so don’t worry.”

Baba breathed a sigh of relief, and calmed herself down.
“Thank you, King Yemma –”
“But.” King Yemma’s booming voice interrupted her. Oh, no… Fortune-teller Baba’s blood ran cold. There was a ‘but’…? King Yemma looked down at Baba sternly. “What you did was irresponsible. Very irresponsible.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Do not let it happen again, Baba. Ever. Under any circumstances. Do you understand?”
“Oh - yes!” Baba nodded, once again relieved. “Of course, Sir!”
“And from now on you can only see Babidi once a week.” King Yemma frowned.
“What!” Baba gasped. “But –” She was suddenly greeted by a stern look from King Yemma, and she immediately backed down. “… fine…” Baba mumbled, her heart sinking.

Baba let out a woeful sigh, and looked at King Yemma. “So… what will happen to Frieza now? Are you keeping him in prison?”
“What, with his friends and family? Ha! No chance.” King Yemma huffed. “I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago – put him in a cocoon!”
“A… A cocoon…?” Baba repeated cautiously.
“Yes.” King Yemma nodded. “It’s obvious that Frieza is just a maniac that can’t be controlled. He doesn’t learn, and he doesn’t behave. He’s committed far too many crimes in his life, and even in death he’s caused problem after problem – he just can’t help himself!” He grunted. “This incident proves that even Hell isn’t punishment enough for him – and to be honest, I think hanging around with the likes of Cell is making him worse.”
“Well… I guess Cell isn’t the best influence…” Baba admitted quietly.
“Exactly.” King Yemma nodded. “So, he’s going to spend the rest of eternity trapped in a cocoon.”
“Oh…” Baba sweat dropped. “Are you… are you sure that isn’t an overreaction?” Okay, now she felt bad… This really wasn’t Frieza’s fault. It was her and Babidi that were responsible for the fire. Frieza shouldn’t be torn away from his husband and children for all eternity – not over something that Baba and Babidi did anyway! They should be the ones getting punished, not him! Then again… Baba didn’t fancy the idea of being punished herself, not when she knew how harsh the punishment would be. The fire had just been an accident after all – and it wasn’t her fault that all those evil souls had started rioting at the sight of a teeny little blaze! If they were a bunch of crazed lunatics, that wasn’t on Baba’s head! Plus… Frieza wasn’t a saint. King Yemma had said so himself – this wasn’t his first offence. Frieza had committed a lifetime of crimes, and even after death he’d misbehaved on several occasions… He deserved to be in a cocoon, for all the other stuff! King Yemma had said it – he should have been put in a cocoon a long time ago! All Baba had done today was put things how they should be. After all, if it wasn’t Frieza… it would be her.
“Overreaction?” King Yemma snorted at Baba. “Not at all! With Frieza’s history, this is the only thing I can do. Of course… unless you were mistaken?” He looked at Baba sternly. “Think back, Baba. Was it definitely Frieza? I’m not about to punish the wrong soul, am I?”
“Uh…” Baba sweat dropped. “Well… whoever it is… will you put them in a cocoon either way?”
“Yes! Definitely!” King Yemma growled. “What happened today was inexcusable! I don’t care who they are, whoever’s responsible for this will get an example made out of them for the rest of eternity!” He glared at Baba. “What, do you think that’s unreasonable?”
“No, not at all!” Baba cried, suddenly terrified by the thought of being trapped in a cocoon. “It was Frieza!”
“Good.” King Yemma huffed, and turned to his ogre assistant. “Get him sealed.”


“This is bullcrap!” Cell barked from inside a prison cell in Hell. “Let us out!” He started banging wildly against the bars. “Let us out now!”
“Papa… you’re just making it worse.” Number Seven sighed from outside the cell, being the only Cell Junior that hadn’t taken part in the rioting. “You only have to stay in there for a month.”
“A month? I thought it was a week!” Cell wailed, and become even more enraged. “Let me out now!”

Number Seven groaned, his face darkening in embarrassment as his father started making a scene. Really…? What did he think it would accomplish…?
“Huh?” Suddenly, Number Seven looked up as a pair of Hell ogres approached the prison cell with a key.
“Mr. Frieza?” One of them spoke.
“That’s Lord Frieza.” Frieza snarled from inside the cell, and approached the ogre. “What is it?”
“You are being moved.” The ogre said.
“Moved? Where to?” Frieza demanded.
“Paradise section.” The ogre answered.
“Paradise?” Frieza blinked.
“What!” Coola barked from inside the cell, enraged. “What the hell? Why does he get to go to paradise? His explosion was bigger than mine!”
“Oh, so now you admit it?” Frieza sniped.

Number Seven watched as Frieza was released from the prison cell. Hm… That didn’t make sense. Something didn’t feel right… Why would Papa Frieza be taken to paradise, while everyone else was left to suffer? He’d done just as much damage as the others, and he had a bigger criminal history. Unless… it was ‘paradise’ as in… … No!
“Papa Frieza, run!” Number Seven cried. “It’s a trap! They’re gonna cocoon you over that teddy bear place!”
“They’re going to what?” Frieza snarled. “Oh, hell no!” He attempted to bolt away, but he was quickly captured by the ogres and the warriors from Otherworld that had locked him away. “Get off me!” Frieza screamed at the top of his lungs as he was dragged towards a section of Hell that was filled with innocent laughter and teddy bear parades. “Get off me, you freaks! I am Lord Frieza and I order you to put me down! No! No, do not put me in there! I won’t stand for this, you bastards! I will give you one last chance to – no! No!”
Frieza!” Frieza heard Cell’s voice somewhere in the distance, followed by the distressed cries of the Cell Juniors.
“Cell! Help me!” Frieza called back as he was carried up into a tree. He struggled with all his might against his captors but they held their grip on him, and Frieza started to feel a lot more restrained. No… No! “Agh!” Frieza cried out as his body became engulfed in a sticky substance, and before he could fully realise what was going on he found himself trapped inside a cocoon, hanging from a tree. What the hell…? What was this!
“Bye, Lord Frieza.” His captors said, and started to fly away.
“Wait!” Frieza screamed. “Come back here! Let me out, you bastards! Let me –”
“Hello!” A group of bright friendly voices suddenly greeted him, and five cute-looking angels appeared before Frieza, accompanied by a large number of stuffed toys. “Welcome to our parade!”
“Your… what?” Frieza uttered, and his eyes widened in horror as the creatures started singing and dancing in front of him, their bright eyes sparkling with happiness. Ugh… that was disgusting. He wasn’t going to stand for this! There was no way Lord Frieza was going to tolerate this kind of crap! “Let me out!” Frieza screamed, desperately trying to break out of his cocoon. “No! Stop!” He tried to move but he couldn’t, and his heart filled with dread as the reality of the situation finally hit him. He was trapped here… He was trapped with this! No! “Let me out!” Frieza screamed, so loudly his voice could be heard all through Hell.

Chapter Text

It was the middle of the night, and at Kami’s Lookout Piccolo Junior was sitting outside the temple with his arms folded, lightly dreaming after he’d meditated himself to sleep. Junior never had been a heavy sleeper; the slightest sound or change in the atmosphere could easily awaken him from his slumber… … Like a four hundred pound demon landing with a great thud on the Lookout, or the low grunting and cursing that followed… What the hell was he doing here?

Piccolo Junior’s eyes snapped open and immediately locked onto the large namek that was stumbling to his feet. Of course it was King Piccolo. Who else would cause such a scene on Kami’s Lookout? He seemed disorientated, and dazed… Or drunk.
“Father!” Piccolo Junior whispered fiercely, hoping not to draw the attention of Dende or Mr. Popo.
“H… Hey, Kiddo!” King Piccolo grinned as Piccolo Junior approached him. He attempted to walk towards his son, but he tripped over his own feet and fell forward into Piccolo Junior’s arms. “Hahahaha!” King Piccolo cackled, realising Piccolo Junior had saved him from falling flat on his face. “Good job, Son!” He exclaimed. “Come… C’mere…”
“Father!” Piccolo Junior shrieked as King Piccolo threw his steel arms around the smaller namek and yanked Piccolo Junior towards him.
“Mwah!” King Piccolo exclaimed, grinning widely as he attempted to kiss Piccolo Junior’s cheek.
Stop it!” Piccolo Junior barked, his cheeks turning violet as he pushed his father’s face away. “What’s wrong with you!”
“Ah, don’t be such a girl!” King Piccolo snorted. “This isn’t gay! See! I’m – I’m not opening my mouth!”
“Oh my God…” Piccolo Junior groaned. Why did he always have to be so vulgar? And why was he drunk – and what was he doing here! “Father –”
“You know… you know who I do open my mouth for?” King Piccolo grinned, causing Piccolo Junior to feel nauseous.
“I don’t want to know.” Piccolo Junior growled.
“Your mama.” King Piccolo said.
“I said I don’t want to know!” Piccolo Junior barked. “And she is not my mother!”
“Yeah well, she’s not mine either. Big deal.” King Piccolo scoffed, and pushed Junior away from him.

Piccolo Junior clasped his hands over his face and breathed into his palms, trying his best not to lose his cool at the home of the Guardian of Earth!
“Father…” Piccolo Junior hissed. “What are you doing here…?”
“Having a piss.” King Piccolo’s voice came back. What…? What did he…? Oh, no!

Piccolo Junior opened his eyes and screamed in horror at the sight of King Piccolo loosening his belt over Mr. Popo’s flowers.
No!” Piccolo Junior roared, bolting over to his father. “No! You are not doing that!”
“What! What’s your problem!” King Piccolo barked as Piccolo Junior batted his hands away from his belt. “I have to go!”
“Not here you don’t!” Piccolo Junior snarled. “Can you please show some goddamn respect? This is Kami’s Lookout – you of all people should know how sacred this place is, and you are not peeing on the flowers!”
“Fine, I’ll aim around them.” King Piccolo shrugged, and once again attempted to loosen his clothing.
“No!” Piccolo Junior yelled. “Go back to Earth! What are you even doing here? You have a hundred bathrooms at home!”
“Yeah I just came to pick up some stuff…” King Piccolo uttered, using every ounce of concentration he had to stop himself falling over as he made his way over to the edge of Kami’s Lookout. “I uh… whoa!” King Piccolo cried out as he stumbled forward and almost fell over the edge of the Lookout before Piccolo Junior caught him.

King Piccolo sighed, and grabbed hold of Piccolo Junior. “Thanks, Son. You know this… this place is high! Why is it so high up?”
“It’s a lookout.” Piccolo Junior said flatly. “The idea is that it’s high enough to look down on all of Earth – you should know that.”
“Ah, who the fuck cares about Earth?” King Piccolo snorted. “None of those humans even believe in Kami, you know.” He turned his head towards the temple and yelled at the top of his lungs, “Hey! Kami! Nobody believes in you –”
Ssh!” Piccolo Junior hissed wildly as he threw his hand over his father’s mouth, immediately silencing him. “What are you saying!” Piccolo Junior snarled, his eyes wide with horror as he glared at King Piccolo. “You’re going to get me kicked out!”
“Ha! That’ll be the best thing I ever did for you.” King Piccolo sniggered.
“Yeah, well that shows just how good you are to me.” Piccolo Junior muttered angrily.
Piccolo?” Oh, no…

Piccolo Junior turned round, and his throat went dry at the sight of Dende and Mr. Popo. Oh, no… No, no! He really did not want them to meet his father! And especially not when he was in this condition!
“D-Dende!” Piccolo Junior choked. “I’m – I’m so sorry! Did we wake you?”
“Yes…” Dende mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Is everything alright…?” He looked at King Piccolo in confusion. “Oh… is this your father?”
“Uh – yeah.” Piccolo Junior answered reluctantly, his face glowing in embarrassment. “This is King Piccolo. He, uh… he used to be one with your predecessor.”
“I see…” Dende uttered. “… Shouldn’t you show him to the bathroom?”
“What?” Piccolo Junior blinked in confusion. He turned to looked at his father, and then let out an almighty scream. “Father!”
“Ah shut up Junior, I’m almost done.” King Piccolo grunted, and continued peeing over the side of Kami’s Lookout.
“What if it lands on someone?” Mr. Popo questioned.
Stop it!” Piccolo Junior wailed, and dragged King Piccolo away from the Lookout’s edge. “I can’t believe you - - Dende, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine…” Dende gasped, turning away in embarrassment. “Please – just make him put his clothes back on.”
“Oh – of course!” Piccolo Junior shrieked, and desperately started to redress his exposed father.
“Get off me, you queer!” King Piccolo barked, batting Junior’s hand away. “I can do it myself!” He backed away from Piccolo Junior, who watched in agony as the demon king struggled to put his clothes back on.
“Piccolo…” Dende whispered. “What is he doing here?”
“He’s leaving.” Piccolo Junior growled, so embarrassed he actually wished himself dead. “I’m sorry, Dende. He just came out of nowhere – I’ve been trying to get him to leave quietly.”
“Is he alright…?” Dende asked, watching King Piccolo. “He seems unstable.”
“He’s drunk.” Piccolo Junior growled, glaring at his father as King Piccolo finally got himself dressed.
“Shut up, Junior!”

King Piccolo glared back at Piccolo Junior, bearing his teeth at him fiercely. “You know – I have just as much right to be here as you! My brother was here before any of you punks!” He moved his eyes to Mr. Popo, and snorted. “Well… except you. You’re old as hell.”
“Father!” Piccolo Junior snapped, grabbing hold of King Piccolo. “That is enough!” He looked over at Mr. Popo apologetically. “I’m sorry, Mr. Popo! He’s drunk – he doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
“He is just as rude as ever.” Mr. Popo stated.
“Bite me, you stupid freak!” King Piccolo barked at Mr. Popo. “Aii!” He cried out and started struggling against Piccolo Junior as the younger namek tightened his grip around King Piccolo’s throat.
“Father… You are in Kami’s Lookout, and you are speaking to the deity Mr. Popo and the Guardian of Earth.” Piccolo Junior snarled at him telepathically. “So you’d better show them some respect, otherwise I will personally see to it that you spend the rest of your life trapped in a soda can! Now behave yourself and apologise!”
“Like hell I will!” King Piccolo yelled out loud, in front of Dende and Mr. Popo. “I don’t need to apologise to nobody! I only came here to get my stuff!”
“You don’t have any stuff here!” Piccolo Junior snapped.
“He’s right.” Dende nodded, looking at King Piccolo sincerely. “Sir… I’m sure none of your belongings are in this temple.”

Dende watched nervously as King Piccolo approached him, and the demon king towered over the smaller namek like a predator over its prey. King Piccolo stared down at Dende for a long, agonising moment… then grinned.
“Haha! You’re cute, Kid.” He sniggered, and smacked his palm onto Dende’s head, which almost caused Piccolo Junior to have a heart attack. “Look at you! Hey Junior!” He looked over at his son, seemingly oblivious to the look of horror on Piccolo Junior’s face and the sudden whiteness of his skin. “This is the Guardian of Earth? Who’s he guarding it from, The Smurfs?”
“You cannot say that!” Mr. Popo scolded. “Show some respect.”
“I am.” King Piccolo snorted. “I’m not killing him.” He knelt down in front of Dende, and stared at him. “Look at you. I bet you couldn’t spit out a demon, you little pipsqueak!”
“I don’t want to spit out a demon!” Dende frowned, insulted. “What are you doing here!”
“I told you, I came to get my stuff. So hand it over, and I’ll be on my way.” King Piccolo answered stubbornly.
“Your stuff isn’t here!” Piccolo Junior yelled. “Just get out of here! Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“No!” King Piccolo snapped, yanking his arm back when Piccolo Junior tried to grab him. “My stuff is here! Ask him!” He pointed accusingly at Mr. Popo. “You know what I’m talking about, Mr. Poo-Poo!”
“It’s Popo.” Mr. Popo said flatly.
“Ahahahahaha!” King Piccolo suddenly bursts out laughing. “You have such a stupid name!”

Piccolo Junior groaned loudly over his father’s loud cackling, and looked at Mr. Popo and Dende apologetically for what felt like the thousandth time.
“I’m sorry. Please – you know what he’s like. He’s not trying to offend either of you, he just… doesn’t care if he does.” He moved his eyes to Mr. Popo. “Listen, you knew him back when he was alive the first time round – do you have any idea what stuff he’s talking about?”
“No.” Mr. Popo answered, shaking his head. “I do not.”
“Liar!” King Piccolo roared, suddenly ending his laughing fit. “You do have them! You’re using them for yourself, you pervert! Well fuck you, those magazines are mine, and I want you to wash them before you return them to me!”
“Magazines…?” Dende repeated, and looked at Mr. Popo. “Mr. Popo… Do we have any magazines here…?”
“No…” Mr. Popo mumbled, thinking back. “Oh… but maybe…”

He looked at King Piccolo. “Do the magazines have pictures of beautiful women wearing no clothes?”
What!” Piccolo Junior shrieked, his eyes widening. Oh, this couldn’t be happening… His father hadn’t seriously come to Kami’s Lookout to ask for pornography?
“Yes!” King Piccolo nodded. “See! I knew you had them! When I was with Kami they were mine, and when I left - - he kept all our stuff! And this was the last place he lived, so don’t even try to tell me they’re not here!”
“But… they’re not.” Mr. Popo said. “The old Kami told me about those magazines, but… when he separated from you, he threw them out.”
“What!” King Piccolo cried. “He threw them out?”
“Yes.” Mr. Popo nodded. “He said he sometimes liked those magazines, but when you left his soul, so did his enjoyment for them.”
“So basically, my father was the perverted side of Kami?” Piccolo Junior growled.
“Don’t judge me, Junior!” King Piccolo snarled defensively. “You know – it’s weird to not like girls. You do know that, right? You’re the freak here, not me!”
“Oh, I’m the freak?” Piccolo Junior argued. “You come to Kami’s Lookout, drunk, in the middle of the night, to look for porn magazines, when you have a pregnant wife at home, and I’m the one with a screw loose?”
“Shut up Junior, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” King Piccolo yelled. He glared at Mr. Popo. “How the hell could you let him throw them out, you fat simpleton! Those girls were elites!”
“I didn’t – he did it before he lived here.” Mr. Popo replied.
“Sir… if the magazines are so important, can’t you just buy more?” Dende suggested.
“No!” King Piccolo snapped. “Not of that quality! They don’t make girls like that anymore – these days it’s all implants and CGI, they don’t look half as real!”
“Please… please don’t go into detail.” Piccolo Junior groaned. “I don’t want to know about it.”
“Tch. Well he asked.” King Piccolo grunted.

He sat down in a sulk and folded his arms, then started muttering under his breath, cursing and complaining. “Senile old bastard… could’ve just given them back to me, he knew where to find me… goddamn kids were all over this planet, could’ve given them to any one of them… just did it to spite me… wanker.”
“Father… why do you even want those magazines?” Piccolo Junior sighed. “You have a real woman waiting for you at home.”
“Yes.” Mr. Popo nodded. “And she is so early in her pregnancy she isn’t showing much, but her breasts and buttocks have grown much bigger. She’s very desirable – just as good as any girl in those magazines.”

Dende and Piccolo Junior slowly moved their eyes to Mr. Popo, and stared at him in disbelief.
“Mr. Popo… you shouldn’t speak about someone that way.” Dende said awkwardly.
“That’s my stepmother you’re talking about, Jackass.” Piccolo Junior growled.
“Sorry.” Mr. Popo sweat dropped.
“Tch.” King Piccolo snorted. “He’s right though. You should see her ass now! I could get lost in it!”
“Oh – Father, shut up!” Piccolo Junior, gagged, covering his ears. “That’s disgusting.”
“Haha… and her tits! I mean – they always were big for her size, but now they’re something else!” King Piccolo grinned. “It’s like she’s had a boob job!”
“I said stop!” Piccolo Junior snarled.
“So then, what’s the problem?” Dende asked.
“No idea. Ask her.” King Piccolo snorted. “She won’t let me go near her. Every time I suggest it she goes nuts and runs away, so eventually I thought – fuck her! I’m gonna go out, and have a couple of drinks – so I did. I went to this place – oh – Kid, you should go!” King Piccolo grinned suddenly. “They do this thing called ‘Demon Juice’ – you’ll love it, you’ll make one of me in no time!”
“But I… I don’t want to make one of you…” Dende replied.
“Yeah – but only go on Alex’s shift. He’s a cool guy, he serves you even when you’re wasted.” King Piccolo said. “At first I had to threaten to kill him, but now he just gives me whatever because he knows me.”
“That’s not something to brag about…” Piccolo Junior sighed.

He looked at his father. “So, what – you had an argument with Frikiza so you went out to drown your sorrows, and you ended up here?”
“Well, yeah.” King Piccolo shrugged. “I figured if I can’t fuck Frikiza, I can at least pick up my magazines and fire one out myself –”
Ew!” Piccolo Junior, Dende and Mr. Popo all gagged.
“You don’t have to be so detailed!” Dende protested.
“Ah, you’re all a bunch of prudes.” King Piccolo snorted. “Virgins.”

Dende shook his head, and quickly returned to the matter in hand.
“Look – Sir, it’s none of my business… but wouldn’t it be better if you tried to fix things with your wife? She is going to have your child in a few months, isn’t she?”
“That’s precisely the point!” King Piccolo protested. “Right now Frikiza isn’t showing much – I mean she’s a little big, but it’s not all that noticeable, but her tits and ass are fucking amazing! So I said to her we should make the most of it before she gets any bigger and starts to look like a freak show, and next minute she’s slamming the door in my face!”
“Uh-huh…” Dende sweat dropped.
“So, when you said she was going to look like a freak show, that was the part when Frikiza ‘went nuts’?” Piccolo Junior said flatly.
“Yeah.” King Piccolo nodded. “Crazy, right? It must be her hormones or something.”

Dende looked at King Piccolo sceptically.
“Well… Sir – I’m no expert, but it sounds like you hurt your wife’s feelings.” He said. “I’m sure she’s already self-conscious about her body changing, and perhaps she doesn’t think she’s as beautiful as she used to be… Are you sure you didn’t just make her feel worse?”
“Yes.” Mr. Popo nodded. “Perhaps she is concerned that you no longer find her attractive.”
“What? That’s ridiculous!” King Piccolo growled. “I said I want to fuck her now before she turns into a freak show! So surely that shows I think she’s attractive now.”
“But it also implies that in a few months, you’ll find her unattractive.” Dende said.
“Well – yeah, but… She will be.” King Piccolo shrugged. He didn’t understand it. What was their problem? Why were they all acting like it wasn’t true? In a few months Frikiza would be unattractive, and they all knew it! Well… she would be sexually unattractive, anyway. From the neck down. It was a fact – her body would look too weird to fuck, but it wasn’t like it was a big deal. She would still have the same face, right? She wouldn’t be ugly… So why wasn’t anybody willing to admit that her body would be temporarily hideous? They all knew she wasn’t going to stay sexy – and surely Frikiza knew that more than anyone! Of course she knew – she’d been pregnant before, so she knew how weird it made her body look, and she knew it wouldn’t last.
“Do you really not understand how that attitude might upset your wife…?” Dende asked.
“No!” King Piccolo snorted. “I don’t! She knows what pregnancy does to her – her face is still gorgeous and her body will go back to normal afterwards, so I don’t know what her problem is.”
“Gorgeous…?” Dende repeated, smiling slightly.
“Yeah – of course. She’s my wife, so why would I settle for someone who isn’t beautiful?” King Piccolo growled. “And when I met her she’d already been pregnant once and she was still sexy as hell, so she’s obviously going to go back to being sexy once the baby’s out. I don’t get why she’s being so dramatic just because she’s going to be temporarily unfuckable.”

Dende looked at King Piccolo, and his face softened. He giggled a little.
“King Piccolo… I think that perhaps you just don’t have a way with words.” Dende smiled. “Why don’t you talk to your wife? Tell her you still think she’s beautiful.”
“What good will that do?” King Piccolo snarled, glaring at him. What was wrong with this kid? Why was he making such ridiculous suggestions? Tch. Some guardian he was. “I don’t need to tell her that!” King Piccolo argued. “There’s a mirror in our bedroom, Frikiza know she’s still beautiful and she doesn’t need me to state the obvious!”
“Yeah, well it sounds like she does.” Piccolo Junior sighed. “Look… just do it, okay? At the very least it might calm her down enough so that you don’t have to get drunk at midnight at come here.” He looked at Dende apologetically again. “Dende…”
“Don’t worry about it.” Dende smiled. “Just take your father home. I’m sure your mother is worried.”
“She’s not my mother…” Piccolo Junior mumbled. He grabbed his father’s arm. “Come on. We’re leaving.”
“Tch. Whatever.” King Piccolo growled, and reluctantly stood up. “This is a boring place to live.”
“It has its moments…” Dende sweat dropped, looking at King Piccolo. King Piccolo simply glared back, and allowed Piccolo Junior to drag him back home.


“Okay, so you’re going to be as nice to her as possible?”
“And you can walk on your own?”
“Yes! I had my last drink over an hour ago!” King Piccolo barked from outside his mansion, then he quickly realised what he’d said. “Not that I’m drunk, Junior! I don’t get drunk!”
“Of course not, Father…” Piccolo Junior sighed. Whatever. He wasn’t even going to try to have that argument. “Just promise me you’ll never set foot on Kami’s Lookout again. Your behaviour was disgusting.”
“Tch. Whatever. You’re all a bunch of prudes – and that Mr. Popo thinks too highly of himself.” King Piccolo snorted defensively. “Anyway… Don’t worry about it, Son.” He smirked. “If your advice works, I won’t ever need to leave my bedroom.”
“What have I told you about that!” Piccolo Junior yelled, his face turning violet. “I don’t want to know!”
“Haha. Yeah, I know.” King Piccolo sniggered, and smirked nastily at Junior. “Goodnight, Pipsqueak.”
“Night.” Piccolo Junior growled, and took off into the night air, once again well and truly wound up by his family. King Piccolo grunted, and went inside his home.

He made his way into his bedroom, expecting Frikiza to already be asleep. He planned to talk to her tomorrow… He was pretty tired now that the alcohol was starting to wear off… Not that that had anything to do with it. It was late! It was late and he liked to sleep. That was all. King Piccolo closed the bedroom door behind himself and yawned, then rested his eyes on the bed. Hm… That was weird. Frikiza wasn’t there. Ugh, and it was like a hundred degrees in here… Why did she need so much heat? Was she not a mammal? King Piccolo noticed a light out of the corner of his eye. The bathroom. Frikiza was in their ensuite bathroom. … Well, King Piccolo didn’t need to guess what she was doing in there. However much she liked drowning herself in heat before, she was twice as addicted to it now. Tch. … Whatever. If she was already up, it wouldn’t do any harm to go see her. At least he could get it over with now, to save him having to listen to her bitching and whining tomorrow. King Piccolo yawned, and headed for the bathroom.

The heat hit him as if he had just walked into the sun. Dammit, did she really need it to be this hot? Normally he wasn’t bothered by temperature, and it wasn’t as hot as she normally had it, but… for some reason it was making him feel kind of strange… Kind of nauseous… That bastard Alex! He’d poisoned the Demon Juice! He was going to pay for that!
“So you’re still alive?” A spiteful comment suddenly drew King Piccolo’s attention to the oversized hot tub that was the centrepiece of their bathroom, and to the icejin that was soaking herself inside.
“Yeah.” King Piccolo growled, immediately annoyed by her attitude. “You miss me?”

Frikiza glanced at him, weighing up his condition. He’d been drinking. She could smell it from here. It was a miracle he’d even made it home. No doubt Junior had been dragged into helping him. Again. Poor Junior…
“You’re drunk.” Frikiza stated.
“I am not!” King Piccolo barked. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You know what’s wrong with me!” Frikiza yelled, her ki shooting up. “How many times do I need to tell you? I am sick of you treating me like an object! Why don’t you ever think about anybody but yourself!”
“Why would I?” King Piccolo replied arrogantly. “I don’t care about anybody but myself.”
“I noticed.” Frikiza hissed. “So that’s why you run off and get wasted while your pregnant wife and your children are worrying about you? Do you know what time it is!”
“Yeah – it’s time for you to shut up.” King Piccolo replied childishly. “And none of you morons need to worry about me. I’m stronger than everybody else on this planet.”
“Except Goku.” Frikiza sniped. “Who is the first person you’d pick a fight with when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk!” King Piccolo screamed.
“So where have you been?” Frikiza demanded.
“Out.” King Piccolo answered stubbornly.
“Out where?”
“Out… away from you.” King Piccolo glared at her. “I only left because you pissed me off so much.”
“Sorry.” Frikiza snarled. “Obviously the last thing I would ever want to do is piss you off, ‘Your Majesty’! Maybe you shouldn’t have come back – it’s not like I’m nice to look at anymore. Why would you want to be married to a freak show, right?”

King Piccolo stared at her awkwardly. ‘Freak show’…? Why was she bringing that up? Wait, so… She really was upset about what he’d said? But – that was crazy! She knew that was going to happen! “Your body is going to be weird –” He stopped dead when Frikiza shot him the coldest, deadliest glare he had ever seen. “… But…” King Piccolo bravely continued. “It’s good… right now. That’s what I’ve been telling you – we should make the most of it now –”
“While I have huge tits and a great ass?” Frikiza hissed.
“Yes!” King Piccolo insisted.
“While I’m not showing too much, you want to bend me over and make the most of my body?” Frikiza continued in the same fierce, spiteful tone.
“Yes!” King Piccolo nodded enthusiastically, relieved that she finally seemed to be on the same page as him. “That’s it –”
“Fuck – you!” Frikiza yelled and flung her tail against the surface of the water, creating such a powerful wave it showered King Piccolo from head to toe.

He glared at her angrily and was about to start cursing wildly at her when Frikiza got to King Piccolo first. “I can’t believe you – that’s all you care about!” She screamed. “You don’t care if I want to have sex! You don’t care if I’m comfortable, or in the mood, or if I’m feeling sick or if I’m in pain or if I’m stressed to hell about sorting out the nursery that you refuse to be a part of – all you care about is using my like some kind of cheap whore while my body is good enough for you, and as soon as I get a little bigger you’re going to push me aside like used garbage!”
“But –”
“Do you think I like being pregnant?” Frikiza wailed. “Do you think I like feeling sick for three months, and having constant stomach cramping? And when that’s over I’ll have backache – which has already started by the way – and I’ll have to buy new clothes and I can’t eat what I want and I can’t do what I want – even this fucking hot tub is half as hot as I want it to be because I’m carrying your baby!”
“Fri –”
“I’m not a namek, Piccolo!” Frikiza screamed, not allowing him to get a word in edgeways. “I can’t just spit out an egg out of nowhere and carry on like nothing ever happened – I have got months of pain and discomfort ahead of me – and I’m going to get fat and hideous and disgusting and the last thing in the world I want is for you to tell me how ugly I’m going to be!”
“But –”
“Go back to hell, Piccolo.” Frikiza snarled. “And stay there.”

She suddenly dove underwater, refusing to come out until he’d left the room. King Piccolo didn’t leave. He stood there in awe, shocked at her outburst. Seriously…? Why was she acting so nuts? Her eyes had even been glistening – she was crying! Was she really that upset about this? Why? He thought she liked being pregnant. All she ever talked about was the baby. Wasn’t this fun for her…? … Tch. Well, for starters King Piccolo had never said she was going to be ugly, so it was Frikiza’s own fault if she’d come to that ridiculous conclusion – and he was going to tell her!
“Frikiza.” King Piccolo growled impatiently, and moved to stand over the hot tub. He looked down… He could see her, underwater. She had to come out eventually, right? She couldn’t breathe under there. … Then again, did icejins need air? They could survive in outer space, couldn’t they…? … Well – the hot tub had to be colder than usual for Bass, right? Which meant that Frikiza could get too warm for him… so even if she could breathe, surely there had to be a point where she would overheat? So eventually she would have to come out. Ha! Great! All King Piccolo had to do was wait for Frikiza to get too warm. … But… then again… that could be hours away… Oh, screw it. He wasn’t carrying this on for hours – he wanted to go to sleep! Tch. Fine. Whatever. He was getting this over with. “Frikiza!” King Piccolo barked.

He let out an angry sigh, and removed his clothes. Bitch… He should be the one mad at her – for putting him through this! He’d never had to chase anybody out of a hot tub before. Never! And over what? Some hissy fit because she was pregnant and hormonal and overreacting to everything he said. Tch. Stupid woman. King Piccolo kicked his clothes to the side, and jumped into the hot tub beside Frikiza. His eyes widened when he hit the water. Wow… That was different. It wasn’t cold in here, not at all, but it was a lot colder than Frikiza usually had it. No wonder she was in such a bad mood. She loved to boil herself alive – if she had to tone it down this much for the baby, that must be seriously pissing her off. On top of her body going weird and… sickness? Well, that wasn’t King Piccolo’s fault! She never said she felt sick! … Well – okay, yeah she’d mention it a couple of times… but she never said it was bothering her! … Well okay yeah, she’d said it was bothering her – but she did not say how much! And she definitely didn’t mention stomach pain, and there was absolutely no mention of back pain, or stress… How was King Piccolo supposed to know she was going through all this crap? He wasn’t a mind reader and he wasn’t a pregnant woman! He had children in a matter of seconds and it was simple and efficient; he didn’t drag it out over months of agony – it wasn’t his fault that he had a better way of giving birth than her! Why was he being blamed just because icejin bodies sucked? … Bitch.

King Piccolo grabbed hold of Frikiza’s shoulders, and pulled her up until her top half was once again surfaced. He looked at her, and she glared back.
“I told you to go.” Frikiza snarled.
“Yeah, well. I told you I wanted to fuck you.” King Piccolo retorted. Frikiza’s ki flared up in anger, and for a brief moment King Piccolo regretted ever opening his mouth. Or marrying her…
“What do you want?” Frikiza demanded. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Yeah – well I’m not surprised if you have all that crap going on.” King Piccolo growled. “You never told me you felt sick.”
“I tell you all the time!” Frikiza protested. “It’s morning sickness – except this time it’s a hundred times worse! I hardly got any with Kuria!”
“Well how was I supposed to know this one’s worse!” King Piccolo protested.
“Because I told you!” Frikiza yelled angrily.
“… I thought you were exaggerating.” King Piccolo admitted. “Wait!” He grabbed Frikiza just as she was about to dive underwater again. She glared at him, giving him about five seconds to say his piece before she blew his head off. “Frikiza…” King Piccolo uttered, bravely holding his own against her anger. He stared at her for a moment, then looked away. “Sorry.” King Piccolo grunted. “I didn’t think it was bothering you… Otherwise I would have…” He paused for a moment, his cheeks darkening. He could feel her eyes on him. He could feel her… understanding him. Ugh! “You never said you had pain!” King Piccolo protested, looking back at Frikiza. “That’s not my fault!”
“It’s not worth mentioning.” Frikiza mumbled, seeming to calm down a little. “That really isn’t so bad… it might get worse later, but for now it’s okay.”
“Okay…” King Piccolo uttered. Okay, so that was sickness, pain… stress? … But – he had helped do the nursery! He’d been there! He’d seen countless cribs and bedding and toys and colours that all looked exactly the same, and when Frikiza had asked him for his non-existent opinion on something, he’d just picked whatever useless item she was obviously hinting at! How could she complain about that? He didn’t think the baby needed all this stuff – end of! If Frikiza wanted to stress out over this ridiculous nursery then fine, but that was her choice and nothing to do with him!
“… Do you really think I’m disgusting?”

King Piccolo flinched, suddenly yanked from his thoughts. He stared at Frikiza in disbelief. What…? No!
“I never said that!” He insisted. He didn’t! She was making that up!
“You said I’m going to turn into a freak show.” Frikiza hissed.
“Well… you are.” King Piccolo replied. “But – it’s only for a while, right? Then you’ll go back to being sexy.”
“How do you know that?” Frikiza frowned. “I might never look the same again.”
“Well… you had a child before, and you were sexy afterwards.” King Piccolo shrugged.
“I wasn’t the same…” Frikiza uttered. “My hips were wider.”
“Oh, even better!” King Piccolo grinned, suddenly becoming excited at the thought. Really? He loved her wide hips! Finally, this baby was good for something!

Frikiza tried her best not to, but she smirked slightly.
“I don’t know if that’ll happen this time… It depends how big he is.” She said.
“Well… either way – you were hot after the last one, so why wouldn’t you be hot again?” King Piccolo replied. “And even if your body isn’t hot anymore, that doesn’t mean you’re disgusting. Your face will stay the same, right?”
“It’ll get a little fatter…” Frikiza mumbled.
“How much…?” King Piccolo asked cautiously. Oh, great… What, was she going to look like a puffer fish? Ugh… That would be ugly.
“Only a little…” Frikiza said. “Actually, last time I didn’t even notice until I started to lose the weight again.”
“Oh – okay. That’s fine.” King Piccolo shrugged. “So, what’s the problem? You’ll still be beautiful. Just not fuckable.”
“Thanks…” Frikiza smiled slightly.

Now… This was annoying. She wanted to stay mad at him. He’d been so horrible! But now she was realising that he wasn’t being cruel, he was just… an idiot. He really didn’t mean to upset her, did he…? He just… wasn’t afraid to be honest with her. She was going to be different, for a while, and then she’d go back to normal… and he didn’t mind it, he just wasn’t going to be dishonest with her, or lie to make her feel better… … Well, maybe that was a good thing. She’d much rather he be honest. … So, did he really…? “Do you really think I’m beautiful?” Frikiza asked.
“Yeah.” King Piccolo answered, as if it were obvious. “Why else would I want to fuck you?”
“For my body?” Frikiza replied.
“Yeah, well… you have both.” King Piccolo smirked.
“I’m going to lose one.” Frikiza said.
“Hm.” King Piccolo grunted. “That’s fine… So long as you make up for it when it comes back.” He shot her a wicked smirk that caused Frikiza to blush slightly and giggle. Hm… she seemed to be in a better mood. So… were they back to normal again?

Frikiza answered his question for him. She moved closer to King Piccolo and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him.
“I’m sorry, Pickle…” She uttered.
“It’s fine.” King Piccolo shrugged. “Pregnant women are bitches, right?” He smirked in satisfaction when he felt Frikiza’s ki soar in anger, and he looked down at her with a playful grin.
“Shut up.” Frikiza hissed.

King Piccolo sniggered, and kissed Frikiza’s head.
“Sorry, Baby.” He smirked.
“No you’re not.” Frikiza pouted, turning away from him. King Piccolo chuckled evilly to himself. No… He wasn’t. He liked to irritate people – even his wife. But… She was pretty easy to cheer up again. Hm… maybe he could do that now…
“I’ll make it up to you…” King Piccolo purred, placing his palms on Frikiza’s shoulders. Actually, it was for him as well. Her skin was so much softer these days, and the view of Frikiza from behind… oh yeah! Delicious! “You got back pain, right?”
“Not right now…” Frikiza uttered, smiling slightly at the feeling of his hands massaging her shoulders.
“Oh well.” King Piccolo smirked.

Frikiza giggled as he gently pushed her against the side of the hot tub with her back to him, and started giving her the most amazing backrub she’d ever had. She closed her eyes and relaxed against the hot tub, enjoying the pressure of King Piccolo’s warm, firm hands. Hm… Maybe she should have told him about the pain sooner… Then again, this wasn’t completely selfless, was it? Frikiza could feel King Piccolo’s eyes on her hips and butt. No doubt he was fantasising about all the many things he could do to her… the pervert. Frikiza smirked slightly, and moved her tail to give him a better view. “Thank you, Baby…” King Piccolo’s voice came from above her, and Frikiza giggled when she felt a pair of sharp fangs against the nape of her neck. He bit her softly, then firmly… He kissed her and nibbled at her, all the while rubbing her back… Then the base of her tail…
“Pickle…” Frikiza uttered softly.
“Can I use your body now?” King Piccolo asked. “Before it’s… … out of order?”

Frikiza started laughing, which cheered King Piccolo up immensely as he interpreted it as a yes. “Okay.” He grinned and slid his hands up to roughly caress her large, soft breasts.
“Pickle… not so rough.” Frikia whimpered, suddenly realising that her body had become much more sensitive. “Pi –” She bit her lip as a slight pain shot through her skin when he ignored her. Of course he ignored her… He was getting off on her whimpering. Hm. Well… it really did hurt… but pretty soon they wouldn’t be able to play rough at all, so… maybe she should make the most of it. “Sire…” Frikiza whimpered in a timid voice. “You’re hurting…”
“Ohhh, Baby…” King Piccolo groaned, enthralled by her delicious whimpers. She was so cute… He couldn’t wait to yank her up by her tail and shove himself into her. Haha! King Piccolo bit her neck again, drawing another delicious moan from Frikiza’s lips, and then he allowed his hungry hands to have one last squeeze of those huge juicy breasts of hers, before he slid his palms down her body towards those beautiful round hips and that tight, firm ass… Whoa! “What!” King Piccolo cried out when he felt something on Frikiza’s midsection. What… What the hell was that?
“What?” Frikiza asked, and looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”
“… Nothing.” King Piccolo replied. Nothing, he… He must have imagined it. For a second there it felt like… No. No. Frikiza couldn’t feel… No. “Nothing.” King Piccolo repeated.

He watched as Frikiza placed her fingertips on her midsection, in the same spot he’d reacted to. She waited… and then she gasped.
“Oh my God!” Frikiza squealed, suddenly seeming excited. “Did you feel it?”
“Feel what…?” King Piccolo uttered.
“Bass!” Frikiza exclaimed. “He’s kicking!”
“He’s – he’s what?” King Piccolo choked.
“No!” King Piccolo cried out, yanking his hand back when Frikiza attempted to grab it. “What the hell does that mean!” He demanded. “Is he trying to come out?”
“No!” Frikiza laughed. “He’s just moving. He’s been doing it all along, but now he’s big enough to feel.” She looked at King Piccolo and smiled. “Isn’t it nice…?”
“No!” King Piccolo barked, backing away. “It’s off-putting! Frikiza – I can’t have sex now, he’s totally killed the mood!”
“Well yeah, I’m not in the mood anymore either!” Frikiza frowned. “But just feel! It’s your son, it’s nice –”
No!” King Piccolo wailed, once again refusing to give her his hand. “It’s creepy! Frikiza, there’s something living inside you!”
“What are you talking about!” Frikiza laughed. “He always was living inside me – what’s the matter with you?”
“Yeah, but I could ignore it before!” King Piccolo cried, well and truly freaked out. “That’s it – we’re not having sex until he’s out!”
“But Pickle –”
No!” King Piccolo barked. “It’s too weird!” He dove underwater in an attempt to get away from Frikiza and what he now considered to be a host-eating parasite, while Frikiza started laughing.
“Are you sure?” Frikiza giggled. “I can turn around and cover him? You’ll hardly feel him at all, I promise –”

Splash! Frikiza laughed even harder when King Piccolo sent a wave of water straight into her face.

Chapter Text

“Come on come on!” King Piccolo clapped his hands impatiently as he watched his mutant children gather around Frikiza. It was the morning after he’d patched things up with his wife, and he’d summoned the mutants to her. “Get closer, you have to be able to touch her.”
“Why are we touching her…?” Tambourine questioned.
“Just do as I say!” King Piccolo barked.

The mutants were confused, but they obeyed. They stood around Frikiza as close as they could, while she remained perfectly still in the middle of them, giggling to herself. Zarba and Doria were in front of the group, standing beside King Piccolo and watching the scene. “Okay.” King Piccolo grunted. “All of you, put your fingers on her. Like this.” He placed his fingertips on his own stomach to demonstrate.
“Okay…” The mutants uttered in confusion, and obeyed.

King Piccolo watched and waited. Any minute now… any second, even… They were going to prove him right – “Aii!” The mutants all screamed and leapt away, their eyes wide with horror.
“What the hell was that!” Tambourine cried.
“It’s Bass! He’s trying to escape!” Cymbal wailed, frantically grabbing at his own horns.
“What are we supposed to do!” Drum screamed.

Meanwhile, Zarba and Doria started laughing.
“Oh my God…” Zarba smirked. “Have you guys never heard of a baby kicking before?”
“He’s what?” The mutants shrieked.
“K… Kicking?” Piano repeated, still shaking. Actually, he had heard of that… Frikiza had told him, but still… to feel it in reality…
“Guys, it’s just the baby moving!” Doria insisted. “It’s nothing weird.”
“Yes it is!” The mutants all yelled back.
“Ha!” King Piccolo exclaimed, and looked at Frikiza. “See! It is weird! It’s disgusting, in fact!”
“No it’s not. It means your son is healthy.” Zarba frowned. “Look,” She approached the mutants. “Just feel –”
No!” The mutants all screamed at the top of their lungs, and leapt back when Zarba tried to grab their hands. “It’s gross!”

Meanwhile Frikiza was giggling to herself, highly amused by their reaction. This really was strange to nameks, wasn’t it?
“I know.” Zarba said with a smirk. “Whoever can feel Bass for five seconds gets a kiss of me.”

Everyone in the room froze, and they all moved their eyes to Tambourine, who stood there awkwardly.
“Uh… are you… are you serious?” Tambourine stammered, looking at Zarba with wide eyes.
“Deadly.” Zarba winked. “You let Bass kick you, and I’m all yours, Tangerine.”
“It’s… it’s Tambourine…” Tambourine mumbled. Wow… His heart started racing. Zarba was offering to…? Really, she would…? … Well, it was just a little baby, right…? It couldn’t hurt him – and there was no way he would ever get another chance to go anywhere near Zarba, so… maybe he should… “… Okay.” Tambourine swallowed nervously. “I’ll… I’ll do it.”
“Tambourine, no! You’ll never get the feeling off your hands!” Cymbal protested.
“She isn’t worth it.” Piano insisted. “Think of your own mental health – it will traumatise you.”
“But… it’s just a baby.” Tambourine said. “He can’t hurt me, right?”
“Of course he can’t.” Zarba frowned. “He’s your little brother – go and say hi.”
“Yeah… okay.” Tambourine uttered.

He slowly approached Frikiza, and stared down at her midsection. Okay… Okay. He could do this. This wasn’t scary. It was a little weird, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Okay… Tambourine slowly started to move his hand towards Frikiza. Okay… almost there. Almost… almost… there – “Aii!” He let out an almighty scream and jumped back when he felt a kick. “No!” Tambourine’s face turned blue and he threw himself into the arms of his brothers. “I changed my mine! Sorry, Zarba! I guess I don’t like you that much!”
“Really…?” Zarba sniggered. “Fine.” She looked at King Piccolo. “He’s your son. Do you want to try?”
“I’ll do it if you show me your boobs as well.” King Piccolo said flatly.
“Okay.” Zarba shrugged.
“Zarba!” Frikiza and Doria gasped.
“Well I have nothing to be ashamed of.” Zarba reasoned. She looked at King Piccolo. “Go ahead.”

King Piccolo approached his wife and stared down at her midsection. Okay… This was worth it. It was just a stupid baby after all, and he was going to get a kiss and Zarba’s boobs out of it – it was totally worth it! Just five seconds, that was all he had to do. It was easy. King Piccolo snorted arrogantly, and placed his hand on Frikiza. Okay, that was one kick… it was a little weird, but there were just a few more seconds left. Four… three… “Ew!” King Piccolo cried out, desperately jumping away when he felt one kick too many. “No – Zarba, you’re not that hot! It’s not worth it!”
“I can’t believe you guys are so freaked out by this…” Zarba sighed. “It’s perfectly normal, you know.”
“No it’s not!” King Piccolo and the mutants all yelled with blue faces and wide eyes, while Frikiza simply laughed.


Meanwhile, over at Gohan and Videl’s house, Piccolo Junior was having a similar reaction.
“No, I do not want to touch her! That’s disgusting!” Piccolo Junior yelled, backing away from Gohan and the pregnant Videl, whose child was apparently ‘kicking’.
“But Piccolo –”
“I don’t care!” Piccolo Junior barked at Gohan. “I didn’t want to touch your mother and I don’t want to touch your wife!”
“But it’s our baby!” Gohan insisted.
“Great – and when it’s born I promise I’ll be the first person to touch it, but I’m not doing that until after it’s out!” Junior barked. “It’s gross!”
“Well maybe I think that spitting out eggs is gross.” Videl pouted.
“Fine, so if I ever spit out an egg you’re both welcome to not touch it.” Piccolo Junior argued, causing Gohan and Videl to laugh a little. “Listen, I… I’ll see you guys later – in a few months, probably.” He bolted out of the house before Videl could get any closer, while Gohan and Videl continued laughing.

Chapter Text

Bounce. Wobble. Eep! Tambourine yelped and clasped his hands over his face, desperately trying to stop his nosebleed as he watched Zarba climb out of the pool in her bikini. It was another glorious day and the Demon Clan family were once again enjoying a day in their garden, accompanied by Zarba and Doria.
“Tambourine… do control yourself.” Piano said sternly, whilst refusing to take his eyes off Zarba himself.
“She really does have a good body, doesn’t she…?” Drum admitted as he watched Zarba. He grinned. “Not as good as Doria’s, though!”
“What, are you nuts?” Tambourine growled. “Doria’s fat!”
“She’s not fat!” Drum argued. “She’s just not thin.”
“That’s fat.” Tambourine stated.

Drum huffed stubbornly.
“Well I think Doria’s pretty – and her body is cute.” He pouted.
“Yeah… Tambourine, women don’t necessarily have to have a figure like Zarba’s to be beautiful.” Cymbal nodded.
“I never said they do!” Tambourine protested. “All I said was Doria’s body isn’t as good as Zarba’s – and it’s not!”
“I have to agree.” Piano nodded, and narrowed his eyes at Drum and Cymbal. “Boys… hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe you’re only defending her because you’re self-conscious about being fat yourselves?”
What!” Cymbal and Drum barked, glaring at Piano while Tambourine started to laugh.
“We are not fat!” Drum pouted.
“Well, if you believe that you’re blind.” Piano sniped.

Meanwhile, King Piccolo was attempting to nap a few feet away, half-listening to their conversation. Hm… Piano and Tambourine were right. Zarba was much better looking than Doria. That was obvious – why were they even arguing about it? … It was annoying. He was trying to sleep!
“Frikiza… do me a favour.” King Piccolo groaned as he reached out to tap his wife, who was sunbathing beside him. “Go and shut them up.”
“Mm… why me…?” Frikiza sleepily replied. “They’re your children. You do it.”
“If I go, I’ll kill them.” King Piccolo said.
“Fine by me.” Frikiza yawned.

King Piccolo sniggered a little, and sat up.
“Well, if you say so –”
“Oh – Pickle, don’t kill them!” Frikiza growled. “Just ignore them!”
“I can’t!” King Piccolo protested.

He lay back down and closed his eyes and covered his ears, attempting to drown out their bickering. Dammit, they were so annoying! Why were they even having that conversation? Seriously, what was the point? Neither Zarba nor Doria were stupid enough or ugly enough to consider even going near any one of those freaks, so what did it matter which one was hotter? King Piccolo wasn’t going to stand for this – he was trying to nap!

Finally losing his temper, King Piccolo bolted upright and screamed at his mutant children, “Shut up, you morons!” He roared so loudly the mutants practically leapt out of their skin in fright. “What is wrong with you?” King Piccolo yelled. “Obviously Zarba is a hundred times hotter than Doria, but none of you stand a chance with either of them!”

He stopped suddenly, and paused when he felt two sets of eyes on him. Oh, great… King Piccolo moved his gaze to the pool, and he saw Zarba and Doria staring at him; one was looking much more smug than the other.
“You think she’s a hundred times hotter than me?” Doria growled.
“I would have said two hundred… but whatever.” Zarba smirked, causing Doria to glare at her.
“Sorry, Doria.” King Piccolo snorted. “But I don’t like fat girls – argh!” He cried out when he felt a sharp pain across his back, and immediately knew that Frikiza had just whipped him with her tail.
“Don’t be rude!” Frikiza scolded, and looked at Doria. “Ignore him.”
“I will!” Doria huffed, and glared at Zarba. “Both of them.” She turned away in a sulk, and dove into the pool.

King Piccolo snorted and lay back down, smirking slightly when Zarba winked at him. Ha. Well… she was hotter. After all, it wasn’t Doria that was Frikiza’s ex, right? Hm… That was a thought. Frikiza must have been attracted to Zarba at some point… Maybe after Bass was born they could have a threesome. Why had Frikiza broken up with Zarba anyway? She’d said they’d drifted… What did that mean? It got boring? Zarba didn’t seem like the boring type. Then again, Frikiza could be pretty demanding… Maybe Zarba couldn’t keep up with her. That was hard to imagine. … … Okay, now he was imagining it. King Piccolo rolled onto his front and buried his face into his sun lounger, attempting to hide the wide smirk that was gliding across his face. What a glorious image…

Meanwhile, Zarba was oblivious to King Piccolo’s seedy thoughts, and swam after Doria in an attempt to charm herself out of the doghouse. Tambourine watched her swim away, and let out a sigh.
“He’s right though…” Tambourine mumbled sadly. “A girl like that isn’t going to be interested in any of us.”
“Do you think I’m too ugly for Doria…?” Drum asked glumly.
“I don’t think that’s the case.” Piano said. “Maybe she just… isn’t interested. I’m sure it’s not your looks.”
“So it’s my personality?” Drum questioned. Piano stared at Drum, not wanting to hurt his younger brother’s feelings… But eventually, he had no choice.
“Yes.” Piano said bluntly, and Drum let out a loud groan.
“You know, they’re not all that.” Cymbal shrugged. “You guys should look elsewhere for girls.”
“Yeah, like you’d know.” Tambourine sniped. “It’s not like you’ve got a girlfriend.”

Cymbal paused for a moment, then nodded.
“Yeah. I know. I’m just saying.” He uttered, suddenly looking away. He seemed uncomfortable…
“Huh!” The other mutants all gasped, their eyes widening.
“Cymbal! You… you have a girlfriend?” Piano gasped.
“What? No! I just said I didn’t!” Cymbal protested.
“So why are you acting weird?” Drum frowned.
“I’m not acting weird!” Cymbal insisted, suddenly seeming frantic. “Guys – where would I even meet a girl? I’m always here!”
“Not always.” Tambourine said. “What about when you go to get food? You never let me come with you!”
“That’s because your mouth is too wide and you look weird when you’re eating!” Cymbal argued.
“What about when you go shopping? You never let me come!” Drum pouted.
“Because you’re embarrassing! You want to touch everything and you’re too heavy-handed and you break stuff!” Cymbal growled.
“But what about when you go for your walks in the forest? I would like to come with you, you know. I like walking too but you never let me join you.” Piano huffed.
“Yeah – because those walks are my alone time!” Cymbal barked. “Why would I want to take you with me? I go for the quiet!”
“So do I. I don’t want to talk to you while we’re walking together.” Piano said.
“So what’s the point?” Cymbal frowned. “You guys are acting nuts, where would I even meet a – ” Suddenly, out of nowhere, a loud ringing came from Cymbal’s sun lounger “… Crap.” He uttered quietly. He thought he’d put that on silent… “Wait! Stop!”

Cymbal attempted to grab his brothers as they dove towards the lounger, but he was too late; they already had their hands on him swim bag. “Guys – there’s nothing in there!” Cymbal insisted. “It’s just a spare towel and some chips and –”
“And a cell phone!” Tambourine exclaimed, triumphantly holding up the device as a look of horror appeared on Cymbal’s face. Oh, no
“Cymbal, why do you need a cell phone?” Drum asked.
“Yes, Cymbal. Who could possibly be calling you?” Piano smirked. “We’re your only family, and you can speak to us telepathically. Who could you possibly need a cell phone to contact?”
“I have friends outside of this house, you know!” Cymbal growled.
“Like girlfriends?” Tambourine smirked.
“No, not girlfriends!” Cymbal yelled. “Give me that back!” He leapt at Tambourine, who struggled to hold Cymbal back as he attempted to find the call history.
“Hey Cymbal, how do I find out who was calling…?” Tambourine asked with a wide grin on his face.
Give me that back!” Cymbal screamed, fighting against Drum and Piano as they kept him away from Tambourine.
“Found it!” Tambourine exclaimed, locating the call history. “So, if I just press this button –”
No!” Cymbal wailed.
“Hey!” Tambourine cried as the cell phone was suddenly snatched from his hand before he could look at the call history.

Tambourine looked up to see King Piccolo staring down at him with cold, fierce eyes and an angry expression on his face. “Uh… Hi, Sire.” Tambourine sweat dropped. “Sorry. Were we being too loud?”
“What is going on?” King Piccolo demanded impatiently.
“Cymbal has a girlfriend!” Drum cried. “And she just tried to call him!”
“No!” Cymbal wailed, breaking out of his brothers’ grasps. “King Piccolo, they’re lying! I don’t have a girlfriend!”
“Tch. Well, I know that much.” King Piccolo snorted. He looked at the three remaining mutants and scoffed. “You three really are idiots, aren’t you?” He growled. “Look at him – do you really think that he would get a girlfriend? He’s a talking dragon! Even you would stand a better chance than him, Tambourine!”
“Uh… thank you, I guess…?” Tambourine sweat dropped.
“It was probably a take-out place calling him.” King Piccolo sniped, and tossed the phone back to Cymbal. “When they call back, I want a cheeseburger.”
“Uh… sure.” Cymbal nodded. “With fries?”
“Of course with fries!” King Piccolo barked. “And get something for Frikiza too.”
“I’ll just have some sui mai.” Frikiza called over.
“Hey! If you’re ordering food, I’ll have a chicken salad.” Zarba called from the pool.
“And I’ll take some onion bhajis.” Doria added.
“I… I don’t think there’s one place that does all that different food…” Cymbal uttered.
“So call a few places – you have a cell phone, don’t you?” King Piccolo snarled and returned to his sun lounger, while Cymbal wondered why they couldn’t all just get some food off the team of chefs that Frikiza kept on standby.


“Okay, midnight check. Tambourine here!” Tambourine spoke telepathically to Piano and Drum, from his position above their mansion. It was now midnight, and after everyone in the family had gone to bed, around eleven, Tambourine, Piano and Drum had positioned themselves around their home, hoping to catch Cymbal as he snuck out to meet whoever it was that had called him.
“Piano here.” Piano answered from outside Cymbal’s bedroom door. “Drum, are you there?” He waited for a response, but there was none. “Drum?” Still nothing…
Drum!” Tambourine yelled telepathically, causing Drum to wake with a start. He leapt up onto his feet and into a fighting stance, looking around frantically from his position on the ground below Cymbal’s bedroom window.
“Drum! Were you sleeping?” Piano scolded.
“No…” Drum answered, suddenly remembering what they were doing. He yawned and sat back down, leaning against the wall of the mansion. “Why are we even doing this?” Drum whined. “How do you know he’s going to meet somebody?”
“Because we were watching him all day and he never returned that call, so he must be going to talk to them in person. We already decided that!” Tambourine argued.
“Yeah, but maybe he talked to them in his room.” Drum replied.
“No, I’ve been listening. He didn’t talk to anyone.” Piano said.
“How do you know he didn’t text them?” Drum questioned. He waited for a response, but for a long moment Tambourine and Piano were silent.
“Well if he doesn’t go out then he doesn’t go out!” Tambourine finally barked. “What’s the big deal!”
“The big deal is that I could be asleep.” Drum growled.
“You were asleep.” Piano sniped.

Drum snorted in annoyance and closed his eyes, deciding that he actually would go to sleep, because this plan was stupid. How did even they know that Cymbal was going to – huh? He opened his eyes as a sound came from above him. Drum looked up to see Cymbal’s bedroom window suddenly open, and Cymbal was making his way outside.
“Guys! You were right! He’s leaving!” Drum gasped, now wide awake with excitement. He darted around the corner to stay out of sight while Cymbal looked around.
“I know, I see him.” Tambourine replied from above. “Okay. Guys, make sure you keep back – we don’t want him to see us.” He moved to the other side of the mansion to avoid Cymbal’s gaze while Drum ducked down and Piano made his way out of the mansion, and when Cymbal was far away enough all three of them started to follow him.


They followed Cymbal for what felt like miles. They went through the wilderness and deep into the woods, until Cymbal finally stopped at a clearing.
“Finally!” Tambourine sighed. “Okay, hide!” The three mutants hid themselves behind various rocks and trees, and watched as Cymbal looked around again.
“He’s being awfully cautious.” Piano commented.
“Maybe his girlfriend’s ugly and he doesn’t want anybody to see her.” Drum sniggered.
“Ssh!” Tambourine and Piano both shushed him as they covered their own mouths to stop themselves laughing.
“Well… it’s like King Piccolo said, who would want to date a talking dragon?” Tambourine smirked.
“Um… How about another dragon?” Piano sweat dropped.
“Huh!” Tambourine and Drum had to force themselves not to cry out loud when they saw the ‘person’ that emerged from the depths of the woods. No… it wasn’t a dragon. It was a…
“It’s a dinosaur!” Drum gasped.
“He’s dating a dinosaur?” Tambourine choked.
“Well… perhaps they’re just friends…” Piano uttered. “Friends that meet in the woods at midnight…?”

The three mutants watched as the dinosaur figure approached Cymbal, and the two of them hugged each other tightly before kissing.
“No… I think he’s dating a dinosaur.” Tambourine said.
“Is it even a pretty dinosaur?” Drum questioned. Piano and Tambourine studied the creature. Well… it looked like a girl. Sort of. She was a little shorter than Cymbal but with a similar large build. She had small wings and a tail, and a fin on the back of her head and a horn on the end of her nose. She was pink in colour, with her back being a dark fuchsia shade while her front was a pale pink. Her eyes were yellow and somewhat soft-looking, and she had sharp claws on her hands and feet. So… Was that pretty…?
“Well… for dinosaur standards, I suppose…” Piano uttered. “I wouldn’t really know.”

Tambourine studied the girl. It was strange… he was sure he’d never seen her before, but for some reason she looked kind of familiar…
“Cymbal…” The female dinosaur looked at her apparent boyfriend. “Why do we have to sneak around like this? Why can’t you just let me meet your family? They already know about us, right?”
“No, they don’t know anything!” Cymbal insisted. “I told you, they thought you were a take-out place.”
“Yeah, right. Like they’d believe that.” She growled.
“I don’t know… they’re pretty dumb.” Cymbal reasoned.
“What!” Drum barked. “That jerk –”
“Ssh!” Tambourine and Piano shushed him fiercely and pulled him back just as he was going to leap out and punch Cymbal.
“Huh?” The female dinosaur looked in their direction, causing the mutants to dart behind a tree and duck down nervously. “Cymbal… I think there’s somebody there.”
“Oh – nice going, Retard!” Tambourine growled, glaring at Drum.
“Why can’t you learn to control your temper?” Piano scolded.
“He called me dumb!” Drum protested.
“You are dumb!” His brothers barked.
“Okay – wait here, I’ll check it out.”
“Crap!” All three mutants thought to themselves as they heard Cymbal’s voice.

They looked round to see how fast he was approaching, but Cymbal wasn’t there. It was just that girl stood in the clearing. Oh… crap. He was fast… and they could feel him. The mutants sighed, and turned round, fully aware of what they would see. Cymbal. He was stood in front of them with his arms folded, glaring at them.
“How did you know where we were…?” Piano asked defeatedly. “We were masking out energy.”
“Yeah, but you’re all hiding behind the same tree.” Cymbal said flatly. “And he’s too wide!” He pointed at Drum, whose body was poking out from behind the tree, and Tambourine and Piano proceeded to glare at Drum yet again.
“What the hell’s your problem? Are you trying to screw this up?” Tambourine snarled at Drum.
“Shut up!” Drum pouted.
“Guys!” Cymbal hissed angrily. “What are you doing –”
“Cymbal? Is everything okay?” The girl’s voice came from the clearing.
“Yeah, it was just a fox!” Cymbal called back. “Give me a second, I’m coming back.”
“Oh – if it’s a fox then kill it, we’ll cook it!” She replied with enthusiasm.
“Uh… it got away…” Cymbal sweat dropped. He glared at his brothers. “Stay here!” He snarled, and made his way back over to his girlfriend.

The three mutants kept hidden as they watched Cymbal speak to her. “Listen, Strawberry…”
“Strawberry!” Tambourine sniggered. “Is that really her name?”
“Well… she has the colour for it.” Piano smirked.
“Maybe it’s a nickname.” Drum grinned. “Like how Frikiza called King Piccolo ‘Pickle’.”
“He hates that nickname…” Piano uttered.
“Something came up – I’m sorry. I have go to.” Cymbal said apologetically.
“What? You just got here!” The girl frowned.
“I know – I’m sorry! I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” Cymbal insisted. “It’s just –”
“Save it!” Strawberry huffed. “I don’t care what your excuse is! You know, I don’t know why I even bother going out with you, Cymbal!”
“Oh… Strawberry, please – don’t say that.” Cymbal sobbed. “I promise, the next time we go out it’ll be the best day of your life!”
“Tch. Yeah well, I’ll believe that when I see it.” Strawberry growled, folding her arms stubbornly. She glared at Cymbal. “Fine then, go! But the next time we meet, you’d better come with a present otherwise it’ll be the last time you ever see me!”
“Okay…” Cymbal sweat dropped. “I will.”
“And it better be a really good one – don’t even think about giving me any cheap crap!” Strawberry pouted.
“I promise, it’ll be a good one – you’ll love it!” Cymbal insisted.
“Hey… is it just me or is Cymbal’s girlfriend kind of a bitch?” Tambourine said to his brothers.
“I don’t like her.” Drum frowned.
“I’ll call you later –”
“Fine.” Strawberry grunted. “Bye, Cymbal.” She leapt into the air and flew off into the night sky.

Cymbal let out a long sigh, then angrily made his way over to his siblings.
“Thanks, Guys!” He snarled. “Now she’s really upset! It’s hard enough finding the time to see her, and you guys made me cancel our date!”
“What? You didn’t have to cancel anything!” Tambourine protested. “We weren’t going to intervene.”
“Then why did you come!” Cymbal demanded.
“We wanted to see who called you.” Drum answered.
“Yeah well now you know – so fuck you!” Cymbal snapped.

He attempted to jump up and fly away, but his brothers grabbed him.
“Wait – Cymbal, don’t be upset.” Piano pleaded. “We’re sorry – we didn’t mean to upset your girlfriend… we weren’t planning on being seen.”
“That’s even worse!” Cymbal yelled. “You guys were spying on us!”
“No!” His brothers insisted, and then they all thought about it for a moment. “Well… … yeah.”
“But why didn’t you tell us you had a girlfriend?” Tambourine frowned. “You know – if we knew about her then you’d be able to see her all the time, instead of sneaking off when nobody’s looking.”
“Yeah, or lying about where you’re going.” Drum pouted. “If you said you were going shopping with your girlfriend, I wouldn’t want to come with you, you know!”
“Yes, and I would never dream of intruding on a walk with her.” Piano nodded. “You’ve made it much harder for yourself by keeping her a secret.”
“What, are you ashamed of us?” Tambourine growled. “We aren’t good enough to meet your girlfriend?”
“No!” Cymbal insisted. “No – that’s not it!”
“Well, do you think we wouldn’t like her?” Piano questioned. “Cymbal – we don’t mind if you get a girlfriend.”
“I know that!” Cymbal protested. “It’s just…”

He paused, and sighed. “Look – it’s nothing personal… I just don’t want her to meet you guys – and especially not Tambourine.”
“What!” Tambourine gasped. “Why me? Drum’s way more of an embarrassment!”
“Shut up!” Drum barked.
“It’s not because you’re embarrassing! Because you’re not, honest.” Cymbal said. “Tambourine, it’s… it’s because you killed her father.”
“What!” His brothers all cried, while Piano and Drum looked at Tambourine.
“You killed her father?” Drum gasped.
“Tambourine, why would you do such a thing to Cymbal’s girlfriend?” Piano frowned.
“I didn’t!” Tambourine protested. “I haven’t killed anyone since I came back to life!”
“You killed him before you died.” Cymbal said. “It wasn’t long after I met her, we started talking about family, and Strawberry told me that her dad had this weird dream once, where he dreamt he was killed by an ugly monster with wings and a big mouth – so I figured, that had to be you, right?”
Ahahahaha!” Piano and Drum burst out laughing.
“Yes – that sounds just like Tambourine!” Piano cackled.
“Yeah, it was definitely him!” Drum grinned.
“Screw you, it sounds nothing like me!” Tambourine barked, and glared at Cymbal. “What makes you think that was me?”
“Because the monster turned out to be working for the Demon King Piccolo!” Cymbal replied. “Strawberry thinks it was just a dream her father had, but I know it was true. You did kill her father – he was one of the martial artists King Piccolo sent you to assassinate!”
“Oh…” Tambourine sweat dropped. “He was…?”
“Yeah.” Cymbal nodded. “His name is Giran – do you remember him?”

Tambourine paused, trying to remember the name. He had heard it before… Hm… Oh! Right, he remembered! It was him! That dinosaur guy!
“That’s why she looked so familiar!” Tambourine gasped. “She looks like a pink version of her father!”
“Well, I wouldn’t know. I never met him.” Cymbal mumbled. “And she doesn’t know I’m King Piccolo’s son – if she did, she’d dump me. I mean – how am I supposed to tell her that my brother killed her father?”
“But… Cymbal, you can’t keep lying to her.” Piano said. “If things get serious between you two, she’ll want to meet your family.”
“That’s fine, I’ll just say I’m an orphan.” Cymbal shrugged.
“What? No! Cymbal, you can’t lie to your girlfriend!” Tambourine frowned. “What if she finds out? She’ll be even more mad at you for betraying her!”
“She won’t find out – and you guys aren’t going to tell her.” Cymbal growled. He glared at his brothers sternly, his eyes glowing with rage. “Promise me.”

The three mutants paused for a moment, then looked at each other… then finally they looked back at Cymbal.
“Fine.” They all sighed.
“We won’t say anything to her, Cymbal…” Piano began. “But I think you’re doing the wrong thing. How can you love somebody and lie to them? At the very least it proves you don’t respect her.”
“What? No it doesn’t!” Cymbal argued. “Of course I respect Strawberry – I want to be with her!”
“That doesn’t mean you respect her.” Piano replied. “King Piccolo was with Frikiza for a long time before he started to respect her.”
“Yeah, well… King Piccolo’s a jerk.” Cymbal grunted, causing his mutant brothers to gasp.
“You can’t say that about King Piccolo!” Tambourine cried. “I’m gonna tell him!”
“No! Don’t – please!” Cymbal shrieked, suddenly panicking. “I didn’t mean it! I’ll deny it if you tell him!”
“We won’t say anything to him, if you tell Strawberry about us.” Drum smirked.
“But…” Cymbal choked, staring at his brothers. Were they serious…? Really…? “But if I tell her, she’ll dump me!” He cried.
“Well then, in that case she isn’t worth it.” Piano said. “If she cares about you at all and wants to be with you, she won’t dump you just because of something your brother did.”
“She might…” Cymbal whimpered. “What if she thinks I’m going to kill her father too?”
“Again. If she doesn’t trust you, she isn’t worth it.” Piano huffed. “And if you respect her, you won’t keep lying to her.”
“But…” Cymbal uttered. “Guys – no offence, but it’s not like any of you know what you’re talking about. You don’t have girlfriends.”
“No, but we see King Piccolo and Frikiza a lot.” Tambourine reasoned. “And he’s a total jerk, right? And when they started dating he was a hundred times worse than he is now, and he was rude to her and he’s done a lot of bad things, but she loved him anyway.”
“But… Frikiza’s a little more forgiving that Strawberry…” Cymbal mumbled.
“Well. Cymbal, it’s up to you.” Piano said. “We won’t say anything… but just remember that every day you spend with her, you’re lying to her face.”
“Yeah!” Tambourine and Drum nodded, stubbornly folding their arms.

Cymbal paused for a long moment, and stared at his siblings. Maybe… Maybe they were right. He did really like Strawberry, and he didn’t feel good lying to her… But, the lie was for her own protection. What if it scared her away, knowing that Cymbal was part of the Demon King Piccolo’s clan? What if it made her fear for her life? … Then again, Strawberry was used to being around bad guys… Her father was pretty mean, right? Cymbal had never met him, but Strawberry had told him how hot-headed Giran could be, and Cymbal had done a little research of his own when he’d realised who Strawberry’s father was. From what he’d heard, Giran was a total bully! He terrorised smaller villages and took whatever he wanted from people that couldn’t defend themselves. He fought anyone that got in his way, and he bossed people around and made them do whatever he wanted… Actually, now that Cymbal thought of it, maybe he and King Piccolo would get along. … … Well… it was the right thing to do, right…? After all, if you love someone, you should be honest with them – that was what Cymbal had learned in Frikiza’s rehabilitation classes. … … Okay.
“Fine.” Cymbal sighed. “I’ll tell her… But if she dumps me, I want all your allowances for a year.”
“What!” Tambourine cried. “Cymbal, no way! What if she dumps you –”
“Ssh!” Piano hissed, clasping his hands over Tambourine’s mouth. “It won’t come to that because she won’t dump him!” He looked at Cymbal reassuringly. “You’re doing the right thing.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Cymbal sighed, and jumped into the air. “I’ll tell her tomorrow. I’ll going to sleep now.”
“Me too.” Drum yawned as he and his siblings jumped into the air with Cymbal, and they all headed for home.
“Hey… Cymbal.” Tambourine began as they flew. “So… what’s it like, having a girlfriend?”
“It’s fun.” Cymbal smiled. “It makes you happy to be around them, even when they don’t do anything.”
“She doesn’t have boobs though. Doesn’t that bother you?” Tambourine questioned.
“Not really… I don’t get why you and King Piccolo are so obsessed with them.” Cymbal frowned.
“I think they’d make a good pillow. Especially Doria’s.” Drum grinned.
“But… every part of Strawberry is pretty soft, so her whole body is like a pillow.” Cymbal explained.
“So have you touched every part of her?” Tambourine smirked.
“What! Shut up, I’m not telling you that!” Cymbal yelled, blushing.
“Haha! He has!” Drum grinned.
“Well, we know he’s kissed her at least.” Piano stated.
“What’s kissing like?” Tambourine questioned.
“Uh… I don’t know. Kind of like hugging, I guess… but with your mouth. Anyway, stop asking!” Cymbal barked. “That’s private!”
“What’s hugging a girl like?”
“Yeah, it’s good – but you guys have hugged Frikiza before –”
“Have you kissed her with your tongue?”
“That’s none of your business!” Cymbal yelled. “Stop asking me!”
“That means he has.”
“No it doesn’t –”
“Have you done it?” Another question came from one of Cymbal’s brothers.
“I’m not saying!” Cymbal shrieked, his face now bright purple.
“Has she touched your thing?”
Shut up!” Cymbal’s voice echoed all through the night sky.

Chapter Text

"I love it!" Strawberry exclaimed as she held up the large purple geode that Cymbal had bought her. "This is the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Yeah… I thought it would be…" Cymbal answered, feeling somewhat bittersweet about her reaction. He was glad Strawberry liked her present, but… it had been pretty expensive, and he was about to tell her the truth about who he was, so… Cymbal really hoped he hadn't just spent so much of his money on someone that was about to dump him.
"Who did you get it off?" Strawberry asked.
"Well… the store." Cymbal answered, a little surprised by her question. "Where else?"
"What?" Strawberry gasped, her eyes widening. "You robbed a store? Like the ones in the city? That's so badass!"
"No, I didn't rob it!" Cymbal protested. "I bought it!"
"Oh." Strawberry uttered, seeming confused as if the concept was new to her. "… Huh. I never bought anything before. Do you need a lot of money to buy stuff?"
"Well… it depends." Cymbal uttered, a little taken aback that theft was her first thought. Maybe her dad only stole stuff for her… Or maybe he just gave her whatever she wanted, so she never had to buy anything for herself. Either way… maybe it wouldn't matter soon… "Strawberry." Cymbal sighed. "Listen… I need to talk to you –" He paused when Strawberry planted a warm kiss on his cheek.
"Thanks for my present, Cymbal." She smiled.
"Oh, you're… you're welcome." Cymbal squealed, blushing. Her lips were so soft… Did he really have to tell her the truth? It wouldn't matter if he didn't, right…? … No. No, it was the right thing to do. Dammit! He hated doing the right thing! "Strawberry," Cymbal began. "I need to talk to you about my father – and yours, actually."
"Oh yeah. My dad said that he wants to meet you." Strawberry said.
"What!" Cymbal cried, his eyes widening. "You told him about us?"
"Well… he figured it out, because I'm always coming out to meet you." Strawberry replied. "So he asked me if I have a new boyfriend, and I said yeah kind of."
"Kind of…?" Cymbal repeated. Kind of? What did that mean? Was she seeing other people too?
"Anyway, he wants to meet you." Strawberry said.

Cymbal's face fell, and he lowered his eyes.
"Yeah, well… Strawberry, I'm pretty sure he won't want to meet me when he finds out who I am. You see…" He looked at her. "That dream your father had, it wasn't a dream at all. He really was killed – by the son of the Demon King Piccolo."
"Yeah yeah, and he was magically brought back to life." Strawberry sighed, rolling her eyes. "You don't really believe that crap?"
"I… I have to, because I know it's true." Cymbal replied. "Strawberry… King Piccolo is my father, and the guy that killed yours… that's my brother." He watched as Strawberry's eyes slowly widened, and she stared at him in disbelief. She was thinking… Cymbal could tell. She didn't know whether to believe him…
"You're kidding, right?" Strawberry uttered quietly, and frowned. "Cymbal! Don't joke about my dad like that!"
"It's not a joke! I would never joke about your father!" Cymbal insisted. "Strawberry, I'm sorry! It's true, my brother did kill him – but he's different now! I mean… back then we were all really bad people, and King Piccolo was the worst! But then he met this girl and she kind of mellowed him out, and… well, he's still pretty mean, but I don't think he's evil anymore… none of us are!" He looked at Strawberry pleadingly, almost crying as he wished for her to believe him. "I know we can't be forgiven for what we did to your father, but… honestly, I promise it will never happen again. For as long as we live we'll never kill another soul, and… and if you can bring yourself to see me again, I promise I'll take care of you forever! I… I love you, Strawberry."

Cymbal waited for what felt like an eternity, watching and waiting for Strawberry's response. His heart pounded in his chest; his entire body tensed; he could hear his own blood pumping in his ears… Cymbal tried his best to read her. He tried to guess what she would say, or what she would do… She looked kind of confused… then serious. Oh, no… was that a bad sign? Crap. He shouldn't have told her. Of course he shouldn't have told her! Why would she ever want to go near him now? Why would she want anything to do with the family that had killed her father – why had he told her! Cymbal was immediately filled with regret, so much so that he almost cried. Why… why had he done it? They'd had such a good thing – why did he have to ruin it? He'd never felt so much regret in his entire life. Regret… and anger. Cymbal felt angry. All of a sudden a hot, burning rage started to build up inside him. He was angry at his brothers… He was angry at them for convincing him to tell Strawberry the truth, and he was even angrier at himself for actually doing it! It wouldn't have hurt her to not know, but now that she did, she'd never go near him again… she'd hate him… Cymbal bit his lip and was about to break down into tears, when he saw a small smile form on Strawberry's face. Wait… Was she smiling? So… did that mean she wasn't mad…? Why wasn't she mad…? "Um… Strawberry…?" Cymbal choked. "Are you… okay?"
"It… it wasn't a dream?" Strawberry uttered, staring at Cymbal.
"Uh-uh." Cymbal grunted, shaking his head.
"And your… your dad is the Demon King Piccolo?"
"Uh-huh." Cymbal nodded. He looked at her cautiously, and spoke awkwardly. "So what… what do you think…?"

Strawberry stared at him for a little while longer… then a wide grin swept across her face.
"I think that's awesome!" She exclaimed.
"Wh-What?" Cymbal gasped.
"Oh my God Cymbal, you're so badass!" Strawberry grinned. "Do you have any idea how much this'll raise my street credit?"
"Your… your what?" Cymbal sweat dropped.
"My boyfriend is a demon! And not only that – my dad died and came back to life, like some kind of superhero or something! How cool is that?" Strawberry exclaimed excitedly.
"Uh… pretty cool, I guess…" Cymbal mumbled. "Strawberry – aren't you at all mad that my brother killed your father?"
"Why would I be? He came back to life, right?" Strawberry shrugged. "And it was before I was even born, so it's not like I missed him. It just means I'm from the coolest family ever! Oh – Cymbal, you're the best!" She threw her arms around Cymbal, causing him to flinch and stumble back as her overly enthusiastic gesture took him by surprise. Wow… She really wasn't mad, was she? Well… this was great! Haha! Cymbal grinned to himself. Telling the truth really had paid off! Yeah! Honesty was the best thing ever!

Cymbal closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Strawberry, breathing in her sweet scent as he held her warm body against his own. Hm… she was so nice to hug…
"Strawberry…" Cymbal breathed against her cheek. "I love you."
"Oh – okay!" Strawberry pulled away and looked at Cymbal awkwardly. "You totally have to stop saying that, it's way too soon and weird."
"Oh… okay." Cymbal uttered, his heart sinking a little. "Uh… sorry…"
"It's okay." Strawberry smiled. "Do you have to get back soon?"
"Um – no, not really." Cymbal answered. "Why? Did you want to do something –" He was immediately cut off by Strawberry's lips forcing themselves onto his, and her arms were once again around him.
"Let's do it!" Strawberry giggled. "It's so hot knowing that you're a demon!"
"O…kay…" Cymbal sweat dropped, taken aback by her sudden arousal. Well, it wasn't like he didn't want to do it, but… "Strawberry… you do know that if I was really going to act like a demon, I'd kill you and your family?"
"Oh – Cymbal, just shut up and do it!" Strawberry demanded.
"Okay…" Cymbal mumbled. Wow, she was bossy…


Kiss. Giggle.
"Okay… I really have to go now." Strawberry squealed, tearing herself away from Cymbal. "My dad wants me home for dinner."
"Oh – hey, tomorrow you should have dinner at my house." Cymbal beamed. "You know… now that my family know about you and everything."
"Really? That's so cool!" Strawberry exclaimed. "I'll actually get to go to the demon mansion?"
"Well… we don't call it that…" Cymbal mumbled. "But yeah."
"Okay, sure!" Strawberry nodded enthusiastically. "Can I bring some friends?"
"Your friends?" Cymbal blinked. "But – you're going to meet my family…"
"Yeah, and so will they! You have no idea how much they'll worship me for this!" Strawberry grinned. "Please, Cymbal? Please please please?"
"Well…" Cymbal looked at Strawberry, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't resist those bright, pleading eyes. "Okay…" He sighed. "Sure. You can bring your friends… but just a couple, okay?"
"Oh – totally." Strawberry nodded. "No more than five or six, I promise."
"What?" Cymbal gasped. "No! Strawberry, that's too many –"
"Gotta go!" Strawberry said, seemingly ignoring him. "I'll see you tomorrow, Handsome." She planted a kiss on Cymbal's cheek, and trailed her claw down his spine, causing him to shiver a little. "With six friends, tops. That's okay, right…?"
"Um…" Cymbal's cheeks started to burn as Strawberry stroked his spine and held her warm body against his, her lips against his skin and her sweet scent in his nostrils… "Yeah…" Cymbal reluctantly surrendered. "That's fine –"
"Great!" Strawberry beamed, and pulled away from him. "Bye, Cymbal!"
"Bye –" Cymbal barely managed to reply before Strawberry leapt into the air and flew away without even looking back.


"Oh, yeah. No way! Oh my God, that's so cool!"
"Tch." In the Giran house, Giran snorted as he walked past Strawberry's room and realised that she was once again having some stupid phone conversation with her friends. "Hey, Strawberry! Keep it down!" Giran ordered.
"Okay, Daddy!" Strawberry replied sweetly, and continued talking at the same volume. "Okay, well you know what? Sorry, but I can totally top that."
"Strawberry…" Giran hissed, stepping into her room. "I said keep it –"
"You know that dream my dad had where he died? The one where he says it was real but it totally wasn't?"
"It was real!" Giran yelled.
"Yeah, well as it turns out, it was real!" Strawberry spoke into the phone, completely ignoring Giran as if he wasn't even there.
"Yes!" Giran exclaimed triumphantly. "See! I told you! Tch." He folded his arms and frowned at his daughter. "What made you finally believe –"
"Yeah, and you know how I know? You know that Demon King Piccolo?" Strawberry said. "I'm totally dating his son."
"Wh-What?" Giran gasped, his eyes widening.
"Yeah! I mean, it's not the one that killed my dad, it's his little brother, but oh my God, how cool am I?" Strawberry grinned down the phone. "I know, right? Oh – yeah, this totally puts her to shame! Masher's just a skanky slut anyway, everyone knows that! I mean, I don't want to sound like a bitch, but she's actually not all that, and this makes me like a hundred times cooler than her – Hey!" Strawberry yelped as Giran snatched the phone out of her hand, and she looked at him for the first time. "Daddy –"
"What did you just say?" Giran roared. "Your new boyfriend is King Piccolo's son?"
"Oh – yeah, Cymbal." Strawberry smiled. "You should totally meet him Daddy, he's awesome –"
"Oh, I'll meet him!" Giran snarled. "I'm rip his goddamn head off!"
"What!" Strawberry gasped. "Daddy, no –"
"Where is he!" Giran demanded, glaring down at his daughter.
"I'm not telling you!" Strawberry pouted.
"Strawberry..." Giran hissed. "You tell me where to find him right now, or you can forget about your allowance for the next two weeks."
"Fine!" Strawberry huffed, folding her arms stubbornly. "Cymbal's worth it."
"Oh yeah?" Giran snorted. "Well how about four weeks, and you're grounded, and I'm taking your stuff!"

Strawberry's eyes widened in horror as Giran stormed around her room, gathering up all her material possessions that were so valuable to her. "No!" Strawberry wailed. "Daddy, stop! Please!"
"Tell me where he is!" Giran boomed, holding up her phone. "Or this will be history!"
"No!" Strawberry pleaded, throwing herself at Giran's legs. "Daddy, please! You can't take my phone – aii!" She screamed as she saw Giran tighten his fist around the device, and the plastic started to crack… "Okay!" Strawberry wailed, giving in. "He lives in a mansion, near the city! But Daddy, please –"
"He's dead!" Giran roared at the top of his lungs and bolted off towards Cymbal's mansion, with a panicking Strawberry following him as quickly as she could.


Meanwhile, in the Demon Mansion, Cymbal was telling his brothers about confessing the truth to Strawberry.
"See! I told you she would still want to be with you." Piano smiled. "Don't you feel better now that you're being honest with her?"
"Yeah… I do…" Cymbal admitted, blushing a little. "Thanks, Guys."
"So when are you bringing her home?" Tambourine asked.
"Well… actually, I need to speak to Frikiza and King Piccolo…" Cymbal began. "I kind of invited her for dinner tomorrow…"
"Oh, that's cool!" Tambourine grinned.
"That'll be fun!" Drum nodded.
"Yeah, uh… the thing is… she's not coming alone." Cymbal said. "She asked me if she could bring her friends, and I said it would be okay…"
"Her friends?" Piano frowned. "Why would she want to bring her friends when she's meeting us for the first time?"
"Well – she thinks it's really cool that we're demons, so I guess she kind of wants to show off to them." Cymbal answered, and looked at his brothers sceptically. "Do you think King Piccolo and Frikiza will mind?"
"Well Frikiza won't." Tambourine said. "And I'm sure King Piccolo will be fine as long as they're pretty…" He looked at Cymbal cautiously. "They don't look like Strawberry, do they…?"
"What the hell does that mean!" Cymbal barked defensively. "Strawberry is pretty!"
"Maybe to you, but not to people." Drum answered.
"I am people!" Cymbal yelled. "I'm a namek!"
"It's not obvious that you're a namek…" Tambourine remarked.
"Oh – screw you!" Cymbal snarled. "You're just jealous that I actually have a girlfriend."
"That's nothing to do with it!" Tambourine argued.
"Cymbal… is Strawberry only with you to make herself look good to her friends?" Piano questioned. "I don't mean to upset you, but… she sounds rather shallow."
"Yeah, and she's bossy." Drum nodded.
"And spoilt." Tambourine added.
"No she's not!" Cymbal yelled. "Shut up, all of you! You're all just jealous because I have a pretty girlfriend, and you're all –"
"Huh?" All four mutant nameks blinked at the sound of a titanic scream coming from nearby.

They looked up, and their eyes widened at the sight of an angry-looking dinosaur creature flying towards them, closely followed by Cymbal's new girlfriend.
"Tambourine, is that Strawberry's father?" Drum asked.
"Yeah, that's Giran." Tambourine nodded. "I don't think he's happy that you're dating his daughter, Cymbal."
"Guys, what should I do!" Cymbal cried, suddenly panicking. "He looks furious!"

Giran landed in front of the boys and glared at them, his eyes burning with rage.
"Okay… it doesn't really matter, because I'm gonna rip all of you to shreds anyway," He snarled. "But which one of you punks thought you could get away with dating my daughter?"
"He did." Piano, Tambourine and Drum immediately replied, pointing at Cymbal.
"What – Guys, help me!" Cymbal protested.
"Sorry, Cymbal. You're the one that screwed his daughter, so you have to pay for it." Tambourine shrugged.
"He what?" Giran screamed, his ki shooting up. He spun round to glare at Strawberry. "Is that true?"
"That's none of your business!" Strawberry frowned, blushing slightly.
"How long have you been dating him!" Giran demanded.
"Well… just a couple of weeks…" Strawberry answered.
"What – Strawberry, that's nowhere near long enough!" Giran scolded. "You shouldn't be doing anything with boys you've only known for a couple of weeks!"
"Tch! Yeah, right!" Strawberry sniggered. "Maybe in your day…"
"That's enough!" Giran yelled, and turned back to Cymbal. "Strawberry, stand back – this is going to end right now!"
"Daddy, no – aii!" Strawberry gasped as she attempted to jump at her father, only to be thrown back by his energy.
"I told you to stay back!" Giran yelled at her. He took a step towards Cymbal and glared at him darkly. "You… you're dead –"
"What the hell's going on out here?"

Everyone looked up to see King Piccolo and Frikiza standing there, having made their way into the garden to see what all the noise was about. King Piccolo looked at Giran and Strawberry, and then at his children. "Who the hell are these freaks?"
" 'Freaks' ?" Strawberry frowned, insulted. "I look more normal than you, Slug Face!"
"What did it just say?" King Piccolo snarled.
"Aii!" His four mutant children screamed and threw themselves at King Piccolo, desperately trying to hold him back as he stepped forward to vaporise Strawberry.
"King Piccolo, stop! That's Cymbal's girlfriend!" Piano cried.
"Huh?" King Piccolo blinked.

He stopped and stared at the pink creature. What…? Had he heard Piano right? That thing was…? … Wow. Wow! That was… "Ahahahahaha!" King Piccolo burst out laughing. That was hilarious! "What? Seriously? Haha!" He grinned. "Cymbal, I always thought a girl would have to be blind and dumb to date you, but it looks like you've got the same problems! That's a dinosaur, you freak!"
"I'm not a dinosaur!" Strawberry huffed defensively. "I'm a giras!"
"Oh yeah?" King Piccolo snorted, smirking at her. "And what's a giras?"
"Well…" Strawberry uttered, backing down a little. "We're… kind of related to dinosaurs…"
"Ahahahaha!" King Piccolo burst out laughing once again.
"King Piccolo… that's not very nice…" Piano said weakly, not quite confident enough to openly scold his master.
"I think she's pretty…" Cymbal mumbled.
"Bastard…" Giran muttered as he glared at King Piccolo, his rage steadily building.

Frikiza glared at her husband.
"Piccolo, stop it! All of my friends think I can do better than you, you know!" She barked, causing King Piccolo to stop laughing and glare at her. Frikiza made her way over to Strawberry, and smiled at her. "It's lovely to meet you." She said. "You'll have to excuse my husband, he doesn't have any manners. I'm Frikiza, Cymbal's stepmother. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name…?"
"It's Strawberry." Strawberry replied. "And this is my dad –"
"She doesn't need to know!" Giran snarled, silencing his daughter. He glared at Frikiza. "Sorry, Honey. This is gonna be a really sad day for you, because you're about to lose your entire family."
"What?" Frikiza frowned.
"Yeah – you know how many years I've wanted to get my revenge on your husband?" Giran growled. "If I'd known he was alive again, I would have done it sooner!"
"Oh…" Frikiza sighed. "Piccolo, is this another one of your victims?"
"It might be." King Piccolo shrugged. "I don't remember them all."
"What!" Giran roared, staring at him. "You don't remember me? You sent your son to kill me!"
"Yeah, you and thousands of other people." King Piccolo snorted. "Do you really think I remember every single sorry face that I destroy?"
"I – I can't believe you done remember me!" Giran cried. He moved his eyes to Tambourine. "You remember me, right?"
"Yeah, I do." Tambourine nodded, and looked at his master. "King Piccolo, this is Giran, he was once of the martial artists you created me to assassinate."
"Oh… right." King Piccolo uttered, finally realising who this dinosaur creature was. "I remember him now. One of my last victims." He spoke with a nasty smirk, and looked at Cymbal. "And you're banging his daughter?"
"Uh…" Cymbal sweat dropped, his face turning dark along with Strawberry's.
"No!" Giran roared, powering up. "No, he's not!" He glared at Cymbal and prepared to attack. "This will be your last day on Earth, you filthy piece of crap –"

Thud. In one swift movement Giran was struck by Frikiza's tail, causing his eyes to bulge out, and he collapsed to the ground.
"Daddy!" Strawberry shrieked. "Is he dead?"
"Of course not." Frikiza answered, folding her arms stubbornly. "But I don't tolerate threats to my children." She wrapped her tail around Giran's throat, and lifted him onto his feet. She then approached Giran and looked at him sympathetically, before loosening her grip. "Sorry about that. Are you alright?" Frikiza asked, immediately switching her mood.
"Wow… a little harder and she would have killed him…" Tambourine sweat dropped.
"Have you noticed Frikiza's become a lot more… 'reactive' since Bass started growing?" Piano questioned.
"That's nothing to do with it!" Frikiza shrieked, and the mutants cried out as they barely managed to duck under her swinging tail. Frikiza let out a loud huff, and turned her attention back to Giran. "Are you okay?" She asked again.
"U… Uh…" Giran choked, somewhat dazed.

He blinked a few times, then shook his head, and as he regained consciousness he suddenly leapt away from Frikiza with an angry expression on his face. "Okay!" Giran snarled, taking a fighting stance as he glared fiercely at Frikiza. "I was gonna spare you because you're with child, but you just dug your own grave!"
"Um – Mr. Giran, you really shouldn't." Cymbal sweat dropped. "Frikiza may look small, but I guarantee she'll kick your ass."
"Shut up, you demon freak!" Giran yelled at Cymbal. "This is your fault for dating my daughter!"
"But Daddy, I want to date Cymbal!" Strawberry whined.
"Shut up, Strawberry!" Giran barked. "You are my daughter and you will do as I say, and if I say you're not dating someone, then you're not dating them!"

Frikiza looked at Cymbal and Strawberry, and back at Giran.
"Why not?" She asked.
"Why not? Are you kidding me!" Giran yelled. "That guy is King Piccolo – he killed me! And his kids are bad news, would you let your child get involved with –" He stopped in mid-sentence, realising that as Frikiza was King Piccolo's husband, her child was probably King Piccolo's, and would more than likely be raised amongst these demons. "… Well… you know – most responsible parents wouldn't let their kids date a demon! You've got some real problems, Tuts!"
"But Cymbal isn't like that anymore!" Piano insisted.
"Tch. He never was, all he was built for was to gather dragonballs." Tambourine sniped. "He's like a magpie."
"Shut up." Cymbal growled. "I'm just as tough as you guys."
"You're tougher than Piano, but so is Bass." Tambourine smirked.
"Hey!" Piano snapped, glaring at Tambourine.
"He's right though." King Piccolo stated flatly, narrowing his eyes at Piano. "I designed you to be weak."
"Sire…" Piano sighed, disheartened by his master's cruel words.
"Um…" Drum looked at Giran. "Anyway… listen – my brother's right. Cymbal's a good guy now, and he'll take good care of your daughter, I promise. She makes him happy."
"Yeah, and he makes me happy, Daddy." Strawberry insisted, tugging on her father's arm. "He's like the best boyfriend I've ever had."
"How many have you had…?" Cymbal asked cautiously.
"Oh – not that many." Strawberry smiled. "I mean, not like real boyfriends."
"What do you mean 'real boyfriends' …?" Cymbal uttered. "So… what, you've had a lot of dates, or…?"
"Oh, I don't know… I don't count." Strawberry giggled carelessly. "I guess I'm just popular. You should be honoured to be with me, Cymbal."
"I am." Cymbal nodded. "But…"
"You're not with her!" Giran snapped. "This is ending now – you are never going to see my daughter again!"
"But Daddy, no!" Strawberry cried. "Please! I'm begging you!"
"No!" Giran seethed. "Or I'm taking your cell phone."
"But… but…" Strawberry whimpered.
"It's okay, Strawberry!" Drum grinned. "Just pretend like you've broken up, then carry on dating each other in secret. Your father won't know."
"Oh! Good idea!" Strawberry beamed. "Okay Cymbal, let's do that!" She spoke enthusiastically, while everyone else fell over.
"That might have worked if you hadn't said it in front of him…" Piano sighed.

Cymbal lowered his eyes, and let out a deep sigh.
"No… it won't work anyway." He said. "You guys said I should be honest, right…? Well… lying to Giran isn't any better than lying to Strawberry." He looked at Strawberry sadly, his face fallen and his eyes glistening. "Strawberry… I really want to be with you, but if your father forbids it, then I don't want to come between you and him. It's not right for us to go against his wishes, after all."
"But… Cymbal, you're my boyfriend." Strawberry whimpered.
"Not unless your father says it's okay." Cymbal replied glumly. "And he doesn't, so… we have to listen to him."
"Aww…" The other mutants whimpered, looking at Cymbal sympathetically.
"That's so sad…" Tambourine uttered.
"Tch." King Piccolo grunted. "It's so pathetic! Cymbal, when did you turn into such a bleeding heart? I'm ashamed to call you my child!"
"Sorry, King Piccolo…" Cymbal mumbled. He hung his head in shame, feeling well and truly kicked when he was down.

Frikiza let out an angry huff and looked at Giran sternly.
"Are you really going to do this?" She frowned. "Cymbal's a good kid – look! He's just broken up with the first girlfriend he's ever had because you said they couldn't date. He respects you! He's not a monster, and your daughter can't do better than him!"
"Well… that's not strictly true…" Strawberry said.
"Oh yeah?" Giran snorted at Frikiza. "How do I know he's not just pretending to break up with her to trick me into thinking he's changed? I bet he's banking on me changing my mind now, just because he does a fake gesture."
"It wasn't fake!" Cymbal protested. "Really – I do want to date Strawberry, but she's your daughter, and I'm not going to date her behind your back! So if you say we can't, then we can't!"
"Daddy, please! He isn't trying to trick you!" Strawberry insisted. "I know he's a demon, but he's dumb too – he'd never think of anything that smart."
"Wh-What…?" Cymbal choked.
"That's not very nice." Piano frowned.
"Hmph." Giran grunted stubbornly, folding his arms. "I don't even know why you want to go out with this guy, Strawberry. I thought you liked Giramos from three rocks down."
"I do, but he's going out with Masher." Strawberry replied.
"Not anymore. He dumped her." Giran said.
"What!" Strawberry gasped, her eyes widening. "Seriously? Daddy, do not joke about that!"
"I'm not!" Giran protested. "They broke up this morning, didn't your friend tell you?"
"No!" Strawberry gasped.
"Well maybe she doesn't know. I only know because he came knocking on our door this morning looking for you. He wants you to be his new girlfriend." Giran said.
"Oh my God – seriously?" Strawberry squealed, her eyes lighting up in delight.
"Yeah. He didn't find you?" Giran asked.
"No – I was with Cymbal all day – oh my God!" Strawberry shrieked. "Oh, Daddy he's the coolest boy in the village! I really like him!"
"I know you do, Princess." Giran smiled. "You wanna go get him?"
"Yes!" Strawberry beamed. "… Oh!"

She turned and looked at Cymbal, somewhat apologetically. "Sorry, Cymbal. Giramos is single now, so you are me are done."
"Wh-What?" Cymbal gasped. "But – wait – who's Giramos?"
"Oh – you'll love him, he's like this totally cool guy in my village, and all the girls want him and if you get with him you're like the coolest girl ever." Strawberry grinned. "He's really strong and muscly, and he's a total badass."
"But… I'm strong and muscly…" Cymbal whimpered. "And I'm a demon… isn't that badass?"
"Yeah, but you're kind of a freak too." Strawberry replied. "And everybody knows that Giramos is the coolest guy ever – and yeah, being a demon is pretty cool, but he's just way better than you. I guess it's hard to explain. Anyway. See ya!"
"Wait! Strawberry!" Cymbal cried as she turned to fly away. "I mean – just think about this! We get along, don't we? And I have money – I can buy you stuff!"
"Yeah… but Giramos can steal me stuff." Strawberry shrugged carelessly.
"But I…" Cymbal sobbed, his eyes glistening. "I love you…"
"Yeah, but lots of people love me." Strawberry shrugged again, just as carelessly as before. "Don't worry." She smiled at Cymbal reassuringly. "I had fun with you, so if I still remember you after I get tired of Giramos, I promise I'll come back. Bye for now!" She blew Cymbal a kiss and flew off into the air, while Giran shot Cymbal a nasty smirk.
"Sorry, Kid. I guess you just aren't good enough for her." He sniped, and flew off after Strawberry.

The other mutants all looked at their brother cautiously, watching as he crumbled down before them.
"S… S…" Cymbal whimpered.
"Cymbal…" Piano uttered softly.
"Strawberry!" Cymbal wailed, and threw himself to the floor as he burst into tears.
"Tch." King Piccolo snorted, glaring at Cymbal disapprovingly. He made his way over to Cymbal and firmly kicked the mutant's side. "Come on! Get a grip!" King Piccolo barked, harshly booting Cymbal in the ribs.
"Ow! King Piccolo, stop!" Cymbal cried, looking up at his master pleadingly with tears in his eyes. "You don't understand! King Piccolo – my girlfriend just dumped me for another guy!"
"Well, can you blame her?" King Piccolo coldly replied. "You're hardly a catch."
"Piccolo!" Frikiza barked.

She approached Cymbal and knelt down beside him, placing a hand on his back. "Cymbal… don't cry. I know it's upsetting, but you weren't going out with her that long, right?"
"That makes it worse!" Cymbal protested. "I didn't get bored of her yet!"
"Well… if you really love someone, you shouldn't get bored of them…" Frikiza sweat dropped. "But anyway – listen, the first breakup is always tough, but you'll get over it. Someday, you'll look back on Strawberry and wonder what you ever saw in her."
"Yeah… that might work, if I ever manage to find another girlfriend." Cymbal glumly replied. "But what if I don't?"
"Of course you will! You found her, right?" Frikiza smiled.
"But…" Cymbal sniffed, not convinced.
"I don't know what you're upset about. She was a total bitch, Cymbal." Tambourine frowned. "And her father's a jackass."
"Yes, he was incredibly annoying." Piano agreed. "And that girl was terribly shallow."
"She was mean to you, Cymbal." Drum said.
"Well… she could be a little demanding sometimes…" Cymbal admitted. "And… she did only care about what other people thought of her…"
"Well, you don't want a girl like that!" Frikiza frowned. "You're a good guy – you deserve better."
"You think so…?" Cymbal uttered, wiping his eyes.
"Of course!" Frikiza beamed. "You shouldn't settle for a bad girl just because she's interested in you. Sometimes it's worth waiting for the right one to come along."
"I guess…" Cymbal mumbled.

He glanced up at King Piccolo and studied the demon king's cold, dark face, remembering how impatient and rude and chaotic King Piccolo could be… Then Cymbal looked at the beautiful, sweet Frikiza. "… So why did you stop waiting?"
"What!" King Piccolo roared, while Frikiza started giggling and the other mutants tried their best not to do the same. "You little bastard!"
"Piccolo!" Frikiza giggled and used her tail to restrain her husband as he attempted to kill Cymbal. "Calm down, he was just joking!"
"Sorry, King Piccolo." Cymbal apologised sincerely.
"Tch!" King Piccolo snarled, pulling away from Frikiza's tail. "Whatever. What the hell are you so upset about anyway? Only a weakling cries over a girl – and that one didn't even have boobs!"
"But I don't care about that stuff!" Cymbal protested. "I liked her because she kind of looked like me. It didn't feel weird to be around her."

King Piccolo looked at Cymbal, and his lips twisted into a nasty smirk.
"Well then… I know just the place to find you another girlfriend, Son." He sneered. "The zoo. Why don't we go there now? You can take your pick of all the animals – take as many as you want, my treat."
"Piccolo, will you stop!" Frikiza yelled. "He's already upset, you're just making it worse!"
"King Piccolo… You made me look like this…" Cymbal whimpered, somewhat hurt by King Piccolo's rude comments in his delicate state.
"Yeah, because you were created to find the dragonballs, so I made you look like a dragon." King Piccolo snorted. "It wasn't so that you could go around screwing dinosaurs."

He folded his arms stubbornly and growled, staring down at Cymbal as the mutant namek looked like he was about to cry once again. Tch. He was pathetic. Really, was this what had become of the Demon King Piccolo's creation? A bleeding heart sap that let himself get so upset over a girl? No way! "Man up." King Piccolo ordered. "You're my child, so you should know that you can do better than the slut offspring of that halfwit Giran. You should be thanking that other guy for taking such an inferior piece of crap away from you."
"Huh?" Cymbal blinked, taken aback by his father's sudden encouragement. "You… You think I can do better…?"
"Of course." King Piccolo snarled. "All of you can – you're my children, and any girl should be honoured to be with any of you – and they should know better than to speak to you the way that dinosaur did! Next time a girl treats you like that, kill her."
"O… Okay…" Cymbal nodded. "I will. Thanks."
"And next time, get a girl with boobs." King Piccolo said. "Even if you don't like them, at least then we'll all be able to tell it's a girl."
"Okay." Cymbal laughed a little, nodding. "Understood."
"And the next time a girl dumps you for another guy…" King Piccolo narrowed his eyes at Cymbal. "Kill the guy, and kidnap her. For as long as you want her, she's yours."
"Um…" Cymbal sweat dropped. "Right."
"Good." King Piccolo grunted. "I'm going for a nap. When I wake up, I expect you to have stopped crying and grown a pair." He stormed off back into the house, leaving the others to think about what he'd just said.

Tambourine blinked a little, staring after King Piccolo.
"Um… you know… I think some of that stuff he said was kind of nice." He uttered. "I mean… apart from that last part."
"Yeah." The others nodded.
"It was." Frikiza smiled, her heart tingling a little as she thought about it. Well… he was kind of blunt, but… Piccolo wasn't all that bad, was he? He really did care about his children, in a way… and sometimes, he could be quite sweet. … But still… "You guys know that killing and kidnapping is wrong, right?" Frikiza asked cautiously. "You shouldn't hold a girl against her will."
"Yeah yeah, we know." The mutants all uttered robotically, as if they'd heard it a million times before.

Chapter Text

Pant. Huff. King Piccolo exhaled loudly as he lay back against the cold, soothing floor of his training room. His body was throbbing. He was so warm he thought he’d catch fire. His clothes were soaked with sweat; his chest heaved up and down as he panted breathlessly… Was this what it felt like to be the strongest being in the universe? Training day in day out was pretty boring… King Piccolo had no idea how Goku did it. All that guy did was train, eat and sleep. Well… King Piccolo could get the sleeping part, he did enjoy a nap… and eating good food was always fun, but… training for fun? Training was just a way to make oneself stronger; it was a mere chore. Using that training was fun. Fighting, conquering worlds, defeating your enemies and killing anyone that stood in your way… all of those things were fun, but Goku wasn’t into all that ‘evil’ stuff, was he? Tch. He was pathetic. That was what King Piccolo hated the most. It was infuriating enough that a mere child had managed to kill him, and it was even more infuriating that that child had grown up to be so much stronger than the Demon King Piccolo… but, what annoyed King Piccolo most of all was the fact that the child that had defeated him didn’t put his power to good use. Goku could be ruler of the universe if he wanted to, but he was too busy being a good-natured sap. It was humiliating; King Piccolo had been killed by a bleeding heart airhead! He couldn’t stand thinking about it. He hated it! Why couldn’t Goku at least be evil? Then being killed by him wouldn’t have been such a humiliation… What a waste of strength. If King Piccolo had Goku’s power, he would use it properly. He would be ruler of the universe. … He would have Goku’s power. One day, if he kept up his training. If Frikiza stopped nagging him long enough for him to train. Tch. Stupid Frikiza. Stupid Bass. How much stuff did one baby need? And why did King Piccolo have to be involved in buying it? … Well. At least he’d had a decent training session today.

He couldn’t do this as often as he liked, but King Piccolo had spent almost all day training himself to become strong enough to kill Goku, and now he was exhausted. He was hot. His body ached. He was thirsty. He was hungry. He was flooded with adrenaline and endorphins… Hm. He felt stronger though. Every time he trained he could feel his power level growing higher; he could feel his muscles bulking out and hardening… Dammit why was Frikiza pregnant? He was all fired up, and she always used to love him after he’d been training, but now… eugh! No way! She hardly ever wanted to do anything anyway, but even if she did… she had a parasite feeding off her! King Piccolo couldn’t stand touching any part of Frikiza below her head, she looked too disgusting. … Her head was still good though, he had to admit. She still had those dazzling eyes the colour of human blood – and saiyan blood… And she had those gorgeous black lips, dark as hell. They were so soft and warm… Hm.

King Piccolo sat up, finally regaining enough of his energy to move. He was so exhausted… That was the point though. Just a few more long training sessions, and maybe he would be powerful enough to kill Goku. He could hardly wait!

King Piccolo closed his eyes and hung his head, allowing the sweat to drip off his antennae as he panted steadily. He loved this feeling, after training. He felt so powerful, so indestructible… and energetic. Where was Frikiza again…? Maybe he could put those little lips of hers to good use. … He’d probably have to shower first, though.


King Piccolo made his way into their bedroom, and turned his attention towards the bathroom door. Of course. Frikiza was in there; he could sense her. Where else would she be? How she hadn’t evaporated by now was beyond King Piccolo. Hmph. Well. She’d be nice and warm for him, wouldn’t she? Warm, and moist… Oh yeah! King Piccolo smirked and headed towards the bathroom, his claws itching with excitement.

He entered the bathroom to find Frikiza soaking herself in the hot tub with a content look on her face. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed slightly, making her look so cute and adorable. Perfect for violating. Her lips were plump and moist… Perfect.

Frikiza heard King Piccolo enter the room, and opened her eyes to look at him.
“Hi.” She smiled. “Were you training?”
“Mm-hm.” King Piccolo nodded, removing his fresh, un-sweaty clothes. Okay, he had to be nice to her… Frikiza was a pain these days. She had to be sweet-talked into everything! King Piccolo couldn’t just give her his orders like he used to and she would submissively obey, no. Those days were gone – at least while she was pregnant and hormonal. It had better be just while she was pregnant, otherwise King Piccolo was going to blow this mansion to ash with Frikiza on the inside! He was sick of her not doing what he wanted all the time! “Can you tell?” King Piccolo purred, slipping into the hot tub beside her.
“Yeah.” Frikiza replied, blushing slightly as she gazed at him. “You look stronger.”
“I do?” King Piccolo smirked arrogantly, his confidence skyrocketing as he placed a soft hand on her jaw. Oh yeah… She should be honoured to put her mouth around him! “Is it good enough for you, Baby?” King Piccolo asked, and planted a firm kiss on her lips. She tasted of cherries… Frikiza had been adamant about not drinking when she was pregnant, so she’d taken to a cherry-flavoured soft drink that looked and smelt like her wine. She drank gallons of it; she actually seemed to prefer it to her usual wine. So, now she tasted of cherries… King Piccolo liked that taste.
“Of course.” Frikiza giggled, answering his question. “You’re always good enough for me, Pickle.” She smiled, returning his kiss. “I’m carrying your baby, aren’t I?”
“Oh… right.” King Piccolo uttered, looking down at her stomach. Gross… How could she stand to touch that? She even talked to it! “How is my heir?” King Piccolo asked, somewhat genuinely. After all, he was convinced that any child that had the combined power of himself and Frikiza would be more than worthy of taking over his empire – the empire that he would build when he finally managed to take down Goku. Maybe Bass would even be able to kill Goku for him…
“He’s fine.” Frikiza smiled, fondly stroking her stomach. Gross… Why was she doing that? King Piccolo didn’t stroke his eggs! He wasn’t deranged! “He’s been kicking a lot. He’s getting really strong!”
“Uh-huh…” King Piccolo gagged, trying his best to think of anything else before he lost the mood. Okay… Zarba. Zarba’s ass. Zarba’s boobs. Frikiza, before she got pregnant. Frikiza in her first form. Frikiza in her pyjamas. Frikiza in her Little Red Riding Hood outfit… Okay. That was it. Oh yeah, he loved her in that outfit! “And how are you, my little icicle…?” King Piccolo spoke smoothly, planting a kiss on Frikiza’s neck.
“Piccolo…” Frikiza smiled a little as he kissed her, and he steadily turned her round so that her back was facing him. Frikiza let out a soft sigh as King Piccolo started to massage her shoulders and back, strictly avoiding her front at all costs. She giggled a little. He really couldn’t stand touching it, could he? It was kind of cute, and kind of sad… It was his baby after all. But… then again, he could always hold Bass when he was born.

Frikiza closed her eyes, enjoying the massage. She knew it wasn’t for free, though. King Piccolo occasionally did nice stuff for her, but it was never selfless. He always wanted something out of it. Always. And it was always the same thing. She really wasn’t in the mood… She just wanted to relax. “I’m tired.” Frikiza said.
“Baby…” King Piccolo groaned, holding his lips against her neck. “Let me use your mouth.”
“Picco –”
“You have the most gorgeous lips…” King Piccolo purred against her cheek, causing Frikiza to giggle a little. “Let me use them.”
“No…” Frikiza groaned. “I’m not in the mood.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to be.” King Piccolo said. “You just open your mouth, I’ll do the work.”
No.” Frikiza whined. “Later, okay?”
“What if I don’t want to later?” King Piccolo growled.
“You always want to.” Frikiza sniped.
“I want to now!” King Piccolo barked. “Baby… Icicle…” He leaned against her back, holding himself against her. “Come on…” He moved his hand down to stroke the base of her tail. This had to work; Frikiza liked being touched there. At least, she used to…

King Piccolo kissed Frikiza’s neck again, and growled against her skin as he stroked her, attempting to excite her into submitting. “You aren’t going to say no to a big scary demon that just got more powerful, are you…?”
“Pickle… I don’t want to.” Frikiza said, steadily losing her patience as he pushed himself against her.
“Icicle…” King Piccolo fiercely replied, also losing his patience as Frikiza refused to push back, or respond at all! “I love you –”
No!” Frikiza yelled, and forcefully pushed him away. “Why do you only say that when you want something?”
“Because what’s the point in saying it any other time?” King Piccolo yelled back, suddenly enraged by his sexual frustration and her refusal to satisfy it. What was her problem? She wanted him to say that crap, didn’t she? So why was she annoyed – why did she only want him to say that shit under certain circumstances? And why was she refusing to do this for him? He was offering to do the work – it would make absolutely no difference to her whatsoever! She was selfish, that’s what she was! Moody, and selfish!
“So don’t say it at all!” Frikiza snapped.
“Fine!” King Piccolo growled. “I won’t!”
“Good!” Frikiza huffed. “Now get lost – you’re not masturbating in here!”
“Really?” King Piccolo smirked. Well… He hadn’t been planning to, but now that he knew it would annoy her… “How do you know that?” He sniggered, and reached down under the water, looking at Frikiza spitefully. “Because I’m quite comfortable where I am, Dear –” Ow. He could feel the sharpness of Frikiza’s glare as if she’d stabbed him with a sharp knife. … Hmph. Look at that. She was so angry all of a sudden. Stupid hormones. “… Whatever.” King Piccolo grunted, backing down. “I’m hungry anyway. I’m getting some food.”

He climbed out of the hot tub and made his way into the bedroom in a sulk. Tch. This wasn’t Frikiza winning. He wasn’t scared of her – he just couldn’t be bothered dealing with her when she was so emotional and unpredictable. She was actually tedious! Besides, he was hungry. Starving actually, now that he thought about it. He was going to eat worms… Live worms. That was Frikiza’s least favourite food, and it always sickened her so much when she watched King Piccolo eat them. He was going to eat a whole bowl full of them, just to spite her. Haha! Take that stupid hormonal pregnant bitch!
“Jerk.” Frikiza muttered angrily as she watched King Piccolo leave. Who did he think he was? She wasn’t his slave! She was his pregnant wife – and he had no right to just demand whatever he wanted all the time and only be nice to her when he wanted something in return. Hmph. The bastard! Now she was in a bad mood. Frikiza let out a loud huff and dove underwater in an attempt to calm her growing anger.


Meanwhile on Kami’s Lookout, Mr. Popo was happily watering the flowers as Dende approached the Lookout edge to peer down at the Earth. He stared down at the world below him with an unsettled expression on his face, his body tensing slightly.
“Kami… What’s wrong?” Mr. Popo asked, noticing the Guardian of Earth’s sudden discomfort.
“I’m not sure.” Dende uttered. He felt uneasy… He could feel a bad energy somewhere in the world. “Something feels… angry.”
“Angry?” Mr. Popo repeated. “A bad spirit?”
“Not a ‘spirit’ as such… I don’t think.” Dende replied. “This feels like a person.”
“Hm?” Mr. Popo grunted, attempting to sense the energy for himself. Yes… he could feel something. “Its energy level is very high.” He stated. “I do not recognise it.”
“Can you feel it coming closer…?” Dende questioned, his antennae trembling slightly as the dark, unseen force seemed to grow more powerful. What was it…? It didn’t feel evil, but… something told him its intentions were bad. It was strong…

Mr. Popo looked around, trying to spot the source of the energy. Yes, it was coming closer. It was here. It was hiding…
“Piccolo should be back any minute now.” Dende stated. “Whatever this is, we have to warn –”
Dende!” Mr. Popo screamed.

He raced over to catch the young namek as Dende fell to the ground, and his eyes widened at the sight of a hole in Dende’s chest. Someone had shot him! Mr. Popo jerked his head up and let out a gasp as he caught a glimpse of Dende’s attacker. At first glance it looked like… No. No, it couldn’t be.
“What happened!” A familiar voice came from ahead, and Mr. Popo looked up to see Piccolo Junior racing towards them.
“He’s been attacked!” Mr. Popo frantically replied. “Look!”

Piccolo Junior knelt down beside Dende and looked at his injury. It was severe… Dende was shaking, and his face was pale. He didn’t have the energy to heal himself.
“Dende. I’m going to give you some of my energy.” Piccolo Junior said, placing his hand on Dende’s head. “Stay calm.” He focused his energy into his palm, and transferred enough for Dende to regenerate himself. Mr. Popo and Junior breathed a sigh of relief as the wound on Dende’s chest started to heal, and the young namek’s breathing became more regular.
“P… Piccolo.” He uttered.
“Are you okay?” Junior questioned, helping Dende to sit up.
“I think so…” Dende answered. He looked at Piccolo Junior, and smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
“What happened?” Junior demanded.
“I don’t know.” Dende replied. “Mr. Popo and I could sense something nearby, and before I knew it I was shot.”
“Did you see who did it?” Junior asked.
“No…” Dende uttered quietly. “I’m sorry. But whoever it was, they were powerful. I think we should tell the others.”
“I saw her.” Mr. Popo said. He looked at Piccolo Junior. “It was a woman with a purple hooded cloak.”
“A what?” Piccolo Junior frowned.
“I didn’t see her face.” Mr. Popo admitted. “But she had a white tail, like a lizard.”
“A what?” Piccolo Junior choked, his eyes widening. Why the hell did that sound like Frikiza? What was going on?

Dende looked at Mr. Popo in shock.
“Mr. Popo – you can’t seriously be suggesting Frikiza?” He gasped. “Why would she do that?”
“I could not tell if this person was pregnant.” Mr. Popo said. “It might not have been her.”
“Are you sure it was a woman?” Piccolo Junior frowned.
“Well… no, but it was small.” Mr. Popo answered. “About Frikiza’s height.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t Frikiza.” Dende said, and looked at Piccolo Junior. “Could you contact your father?”
“I’m already on it.” Piccolo Junior replied, reaching out to King Piccolo telepathically. He didn’t think it was Frikiza. Even if she had decided to kill again, why would she go for Dende of all people? It didn’t make any sense. “Father. Can you hear me?”
“What? Junior, don’t bother me now!” King Piccolo barked back.
“Is Frikiza with you?” Piccolo Junior asked.
“Tch. That treacherous bitch? No.” King Piccolo grunted.
“Treacherous?” Piccolo Junior repeated. What the hell…? “Why are you calling her treacherous?”
“Because she is!” King Piccolo snapped. “I’m her husband, the one she’s supposedly ‘in love’ with. She goes on and on about how much she loves me and cares for me, and then she goes and does something like this!”
“Something like what –”
“You know what? Being pregnant has turned her into a complete psychopath!” King Piccolo snarled.
“Psychopath…?” Piccolo Junior sweat dropped. Okay… He wasn’t expecting that. Frikiza hadn’t really turned violent, had she…? Then again, now that Junior thought about it, she was another version of Frieza, and she was pregnant… Pregnant women were emotional, right? And she was carrying the child of a demon… Crap, what if it was evil? Maybe it had possessed her – there was no reason why it wouldn’t have Frikiza’s strength, and combined with King Piccolo’s evil temperament… No, that was ridiculous. It was absurd! Frikiza did not try to kill Dende! Why would she? If anything, surely she would try to kill King Piccolo? He seemed to be the source of most of her anger, after all. … Unless the evil child she was carrying was loyal to his master… Dammit! Junior knew this pregnancy was a mistake! Who in their right mind would want to combine the Demon King Piccolo with Frieza? Maniacs, that’s who! “Father – just explain that to me.” Piccolo Junior demanded. “She hasn’t tried to kill anyone, has she?”
“Actually, I think she’s trying to kill me.” King Piccolo replied spitefully.
“She’s… she’s what?” Junior choked. “You’re kidding, right? She didn’t literally try to kill you?”
“Maybe.” King Piccolo grunted. “A few months ago we were having sex every night and now she won’t even suck it – would that kill you?”
“Ugh!” Piccolo Junior gagged out loud, clasping his hands over his face.

Dende and Mr. Popo looked at Junior in concern.
“Piccolo… what’s wrong?” Dende asked.
“My father! On every level!” Piccolo Junior barked back. “I don’t need to hear about you and Frikiza! It’s disgusting!”
“Oh shut up, you little virgin!” King Piccolo snarled back. “What the hell do you want anyway? I’m busy!”
“Is Frikiza at home now?” Piccolo Junior asked.
“How should I know? I didn’t hear her go out.” King Piccolo grunted. “She’s probably still in that hot tub – she’ll let water come on her face –”
Stop it!” Piccolo Junior wailed, desperately trying to block the most disturbing image in the universe out of his mind. His father was unbelievable… Why was he so vulgar? Why did he say that kind of stuff to his own son!
“What’s your problem!” King Piccolo yelled impatiently. “If you want Frikiza then come and see her! I’m not your messenger!”

Piccolo Junior grunted, annoyed by the conversation he’d just had with his father. Whatever… Dende’s attacker hadn’t been Frikiza anyway, just as he’d thought. So who…? It was someone that looked like her… Could it be possible that Frieza…? No. He wanted the dragonballs, didn’t he? Even if Frieza had somehow been brought back to life, the last person in the world he would kill was Dende. So who else – … Oh. Suddenly, someone occurred to Piccolo Junior. Her. Yes, of course. It must be – it was the only other person who looked like Frikiza. Kuria. Her tail wasn’t white, not in the form that Piccolo Junior had seen, but she must have more than one form, just like her mother. It was the only thing that made sense. She never had liked the fact that her mother had married King Piccolo – she hated her new family. She hated her stepbrothers… That was it, wasn’t it? Kuria didn’t even know Dende existed, and she’d only seen Piccolo Junior a couple of times – did she even realise they were two different people? Possibly not. Dende wasn’t her target. Piccolo Junior was. Him, and his brothers. He moved his eyes to Dende and Mr. Popo.
“It wasn’t Frikiza.” He stated. “It was her daughter. Stay here, I’ll handle this.”
“But –” Dende began, but Piccolo Junior had already darted off towards his father’s mansion.
“Father! Is Kuria staying with you?” Piccolo Junior demanded.
“Ha! That little brat? No way!” King Piccolo snorted. “She’s even worse than her mother! She has no manners, and no respect for her superiors! Do you know what she said to me last time she visited?”
“Yeah, whatever – she’s in this universe though, right?” Piccolo Junior replied.
“No.” King Piccolo growled. “She’s at home with her bleeding heart father – why are you asking anyway? What’s wrong with you!” Dammit… This confirmed Junior’s suspicions. Kuria really was after him. What else would she be doing in this universe, without her mother’s knowledge?
“Tell everyone to get inside, I’m on my way.” Piccolo Junior ordered.
“Who cares? Tell them yourself.” King Piccolo replied, causing Junior to grit his teeth in annoyance. Why was he going to save these people?


Back at the demon family mansion, Piano and Drum were outside playing a long and agonising game of chess. Piano sat with clenched fists, clicking his tongue in annoyance as he waited for Drum to make his move. Really… How long was he going to take? If he asked for help one more time –
“Okay!” Drum grinned, and moved his knight across the chest board to sit beside Piano’s queen. “Check!”
“Drum…” Piano hissed. “Knights can’t move like that, and you’re supposed to check the king!”
“Oh.” Drum uttered. “Um…” He studied the chest board, and a look of confusion swept across his face for the fiftieth time that game. “Piano, can you explain it to me again?”
No!” Piano yelled. “No I won’t – here, just put this piece here.” He pointed to the board, telling Drum how to move his pieces.
“And that’ll work?” Drum asked, looking at Piano.
“Yes.” Piano sighed.
“Okay – thanks!” Drum grinned, grateful for his brother’s help. As instructed, he moved a pawn onto a square that didn’t help him at all, but left his king vulnerable.
“My turn!” Piano announced, and sealed the fate of Drum’s king. “Checkmate!”
“Wait – what!” Drum cried. “You tricked me?”
“Yes!” Piano snapped. “Because you’re too stupid to play chess!” He flicked his chest piece into Drum’s face, causing his brother to yelp as it hit his nose. “Idiot!”
“Hey!” Drum barked, and glared at Piano. “You want a broken arm?”

Piano and Drum looked up to see Piccolo Junior heading towards them. He landed in front of the boys and looked at them sternly. “Where are the others?”
“In this house, we say ‘hi’ first.” Drum pouted.
“You could show a little respect… we are your older brothers.” Piano sniped.
“Look – I don’t have time for that!” Junior growled. “Where are Tambourine and Cymbal?”
“Tambourine’s inside somewhere.” Piano answered, packing away the chess pieces. “Cymbal’s in the city… getting treatment.”
“Treatment?” Piccolo Junior frowned. “For what?”
“He has the flu, but it’s a weird flu that makes him act drunk.” Drum answered. “So he has to spend all day in the city away from us, so we don’t catch it.”
“Yes…” Piano nodded, noticing the sceptical look on Piccolo Junior’s face. “Look, don’t say anything.” He spoke to his youngest sibling telepathically. “But he’s still upset about breaking up with his girlfriend, so he’s been going to the city every day and spending money on getting drunk with loose women. It’s just a phase, but we don’t want Drum to find out. He’ll try to copy, and if an idiot like him gets drunk in the city, he’s bound to lose all his money and get himself into trouble.”
“Cymbal had a girlfriend?” Piccolo Junior blinked.
“Yes, Junior… You really should keep in touch more.” Piano scolded. “You’re family now, aren’t you?”
“Whatever, I’m not here about that.” Piccolo Junior said. “Listen – Guys, Kuria’s here, and she tried to kill Dende, but I think I was the target.”
“Why would she try to kill you?” Drum questioned.
“I don’t know, maybe she’s mad about our parents getting married. She never liked it, right?” Piccolo Junior replied.
“Well, no… but why wait until now to kill you?” Piano shrugged. “And why not all of us?”
“That’s precisely the point! I think she’ll going to target you guys as well.” Piccolo Junior protested. “So you have to leave – now!”
“Ah Junior, that’s stupid.” Drum snorted. “You think too much.”
“You need more blood in your diet. You should eat bugs and rodents.” Piano lectured. “You can’t live on water and fish.”
“Yeah, actually I can!” Piccolo Junior barked. “Why aren’t you guys listening? Kuria just tried to kill the guardian of Earth! You aren’t safe here!”
“Maybe she doesn’t like the guardian.” Drum said. “The last one was a jerk. Maybe this one is too.”
“No!” Piccolo Junior argued, his patience rapidly dwindling. Dammit, why weren’t they listening? They weren’t taking this serious at all!
“Junior, what are you doing here?”

Piccolo Junior looked up to see Tambourine coming out of the mansion. “Tambourine –”
“He thinks Kuria’s here.” Drum sniggered. “And she’s trying to kill us!”
“She is trying to –”
“What?” Tambourine laughed. “That’s stupid! You spend too much time in that lookout Junior, it’s turned your brains into clouds!”
“Listen!” Junior barked. “Guys, Kuria is in this universe and –” He suddenly froze. He could feel it… It was an energy. It felt angry, then suddenly more powerful… Crap!

Piccolo Junior looked up just in time to see a ki blast cascading down towards the ground, towards Tambourine. “Look out!”
“Huh? Hey!” Tambourine cried out as Piccolo Junior leapt at him, tackling him to the floor just in time to avoid the blast. The ki blast struck the earth with an almighty roar, creating a deep black crater in the spot where Tambourine had stood.
“Whoa!” Piano and Drum gasped.
“Uh…” Tambourine sweat dropped, staring at the smoking crater that was now in front of him. He blinked a couple of times as he weight up the power of the attack, and soon realised that if Piccolo Junior hadn’t pushed him away, he would have been vaporised. “… Hey!” Tambourine looked at his brother with wide eyes. “Junior – you saved my life!”
“Kuria!” Piccolo Junior yelled, ignoring Tambourine as he leapt into a fighting stance and tried to sense her. Tambourine and Drum also jumped into fighting stances. They each scanned the area, looking for any sign of Kuria. Where did she go…?
“I can’t see her…” Tambourine uttered. “Kuria!”

The nameks all jumped back as an almighty scream filled the air and a cloaked figure came charging at them.
“Watch out!” Piccolo Junior cried, darting in front of Piano as the figure went for him. He blocked the girl’s attack with a loud grunt, almost winded by the force of her punch.
“Hey!” Tambourine yelled, his eyes glowing fiercely as he grabbed hold of the girl’s white tail and yanked her back against him, locking his arms around her body in a tight, painful hold. “Kuria, is that you?” He demanded. Drum approached the girl and pulled down her hood, revealing an icejin that looked kind of like Frikiza’s final form, except her helmet was brown instead of purple, and it was chestnut-shaped.
“No, it’s not her.” Drum said. “Let’s just kill her.”
“Idiots!” The girl screamed, forcefully breaking out of Tambourine’s grasp. She leapt away from the boys and glared at them. “It is me, you morons! This is my final form!” She moved her eyes to Piccolo Junior. “Why are you still alive? I killed you!”
“No, you shot the guardian of Earth, Dende.” Piccolo Junior growled. “Who’s still alive and well, no thanks to you – what’s your problem, Kuria?”
“You’re my problem! All of you!” Kuria hissed, forming a ki ball in her hand. “Die – ugh!”

She let out a loud gag and fell to the floor as she herself was struck by a powerful ki blast. The nameks all looked up to see their father approaching them with a proud look on his face.
“Ha!” King Piccolo exclaimed, stretching out his fingers as he stared at the girl. He could barely believe it. She had a high power level; he could feel it from here, and yet she was on the ground after what, a measly little ki blast? He had barely even put any effort into it! Was this the extent of his new power? Really, was this what all that training had done to him? Oh, this was marvellous! Unbelievable! “Haha!” King Piccolo laughed triumphantly as a wide grin swept across his face. “Did you see that, Boys? Did you see what I did?”
“Uh-huh…” The mutants sweat dropped, looking at Kuria to see if she was still alive. She was breathing, at least…
“Goku’s next!” King Piccolo declared.
“Don’t get cocky, you’re still not that powerful.” Piccolo Junior sniped, causing his father to glare at him.
“Shut up!” King Piccolo snarled, suddenly enraged at Junior for killing the moment. Dammit! Why did Junior always have to fuck everything up? King Piccolo was enjoying himself then! He was basking in his new power, finally cheered up after Frikiza had put him in such a foul mood, and now here Junior was ruining it! Why was he even here? “What do you want?” King Piccolo demanded impatiently. “And who the hell is this anyway?” He approached the girl and kicked her onto her back to look at her. She let out a soft whimper, and opened her eyes to glare at him.
“Idiot…” She hissed. “You don’t recognise me?”
“Nope.” King Piccolo answered, slightly insulted by her attitude. Who did she think she was? The cocky little bitch! She deserved to die! King Piccolo held his hand over the girl and started to form a ki ball in his palm.
“King Piccolo, wait!” Tambourine cried. “That’s Kuria! You can’t kill her, Frikiza’ll flip!”
“It’s who?” King Piccolo frowned, dispersing his attack. Oh… That explained it. He looked down at the girl. Hm. Yes, now that Tambourine mentioned it, she did have Kuria’s face – and attitude! Dammit, what was she doing here? “What do you want?” King Piccolo demanded. “This is no way to greet you family!”
“You aren’t my family!” Kuria pouted, pushing herself up.
“She tried to kill us.” Piccolo Junior growled.
“Snitch.” Kuria hissed at him.
“Yeah it’s true, she did try to kill us – look!” Tambourine pointed at the large crater Kuria’s ki blast had left in the garden. “That would have been me!”
“Yeah, but Junior saved him.” Drum said. “And then he saved Piano.”
“Uh…” Piccolo Junior sweat dropped, looking away. “It was just a reaction…”
“Haha.” King Piccolo smirked at Junior triumphantly. “See? You can hang around with Goku’s family as much as you want, but you’re still a child of the demon clan and your loyalties still lie with us.”
“No, they really don’t.” Piccolo Junior growled.
“Whatever…” King Piccolo snorted dismissively.

He turned his attention back to Kuria and glared down at her. “So. You want to kill your brothers?” He spat. “Be my guest – but you’ll have to get through me first.”
“Hey!” Kuria cried out as King Piccolo clasped his hand around her throated and lifted her up off the ground.
“King Piccolo, stop!” Piano cried. “Frikiza will kill you!”
“So let her.” King Piccolo sneered. “I’m not scared of that stupid fat bit –”
Piccolo!” … Crap.

King Piccolo turned round to see Frikiza standing there with her arms folded and her tail waving harshly from side to side, glaring at him. Oh, what a surprise. She wasn’t happy. That was news.
“Yes, Dear?” King Piccolo hissed at her.
“Is there any reason you’re trying to strangle my daughter?” Frikiza snarled, her energy becoming so fierce it caused the mutants to shiver in fright.
“Aii!” They squealed and darted behind Piccolo Junior.
“Hey!” Junior barked. “What’s wrong with you?” He attempted to move away, but the mutants grabbed his cape and yanked him back in front of them.
“Junior, now’s your chance to prove your loyalty to us!” Piano exclaimed. “When she flips, take a hit for us.”
“I already did.” Piccolo Junior growled.

King Piccolo glared at Frikiza fiercely.
“Because your delinquent daughter tried to kill my sons.” He snarled. “What kind of mother are you? Your child has an attitude problem!”
“Why is he saying that?” Tambourine gasped. “Is he trying to provoke her?”
“Hm…” Piccolo Junior grunted, looking at his own siblings. “… You know Father, you really don’t have the right to call her child a delinquent. Look at yours.”
“Hey!” The mutants barked, glaring at Junior.
“You’re his child too!” Drum pouted.
“Yes, and out of all of us, you’re the only one that actually did kill Goku.” Piano sniped.
“That was under completely different circumstances!” Piccolo Junior yelled defensively.
“Yeah, yeah…” His brothers smirked back.

Frikiza paused for a moment, looking at Kuria.
“She tried to kill them…?” She uttered.
“Yeah – Frikiza, she did.” Tambourine nodded. “Look.” He pointed to his crater. “And she almost killed Piano.”
“She shot Dende, thinking he was me.” Piccolo Junior stated.
“Sn…” Kuria tried to choke out, but King Piccolo tightened his grip on her throat before she could make another sound.
“… Hm.” Frikiza mused, vanishing into thought.

Thud. All of a sudden, Frikiza slammed her tail into the ground with such force it caused the earth to shake underneath her. She glared at her daughter and growled, “Your papa told you, didn’t he? I told him not to!”
“Told her what?” King Piccolo demanded.

Frikiza approached her husband, and kept her gaze on Kuria as she spoke.
“I’ll handle this.” She ripped King Piccolo’s hand off Kuria’s throat and replaced it with her own tail.
“Fri –” King Piccolo could barely speak a word before Frikiza slammed Kuria into the ground and threw her foot onto Kuria’s back, causing the girl to scream in agony.
“Aii!” The mutants gasped, their eyes widening at the sound of Kuria’s back breaking. What the hell was going on?
“So you decided to kill your competitors?” Frikiza snarled at Kuria. “How much money do you need?”
“I don’t – aii!” Kuria let out another high-pitched scream as Frikiza threw her tail down onto Kuria’s back, whipping her harshly. “Mama, stop!” Kuria begged. “Please – ow!”

Meanwhile, Piccolo Junior and his brothers were watching the scene in horror, listening to the vile sound of Kuria’s punishment. Crack. Slash. Thwack. Scream.
“Junior… you see why we’re good now?” Tambourine sweat dropped. “Even if we wanted to be bad… it wouldn’t be worth it.”
“Yeah, I… I see that.” Piccolo Junior replied. Wow… So Frikiza was kind of a strict mother, huh?
“So you’re going to apologise to them?” Frikiza hissed at her daughter.
“What? No!” Kuria wailed, staring up at Frikiza with whip marks all over her body and tears in her eyes. “Mama – I don’t mind sharing my inheritance with Bass because he’s your child, but why should they be entitled to anything?”
“What?” The mutants gasped.
“Inheritance…?” Piano repeated. “We’re getting an inheritance?”
“Yeah!” Kuria yelled, glaring at King Piccolo’s children. “Me and my Papa used to be her only beneficiaries, but I just found out that she changed her will so that when she dies, you guys all get a billion zeni!”
“A… A what?” Piano choked.
“Yeah!” Kuria moved her eyes to King Piccolo. “And you get ten billion!”
What?” King Piccolo cried, his eyes widening. He looked at Frikiza. “If you die, I get fifteen billion zeni?”
“Wait, why do we have to hand our share over to him…?” Drum mumbled.
“Don’t get too excited.” Frikiza hissed at her husband. “If I die under suspicious circumstances, you don’t get a penny, so don’t even think about killing me.”
“I won’t.” King Piccolo snarled back. “… What if you die in childbirth?”
No!” Frikiza yelled.

She moved her eyes back to Kuria. “Listen. You can complain about it all you want, but Piccolo is my husband and these are my children, so you’ll just have to learn to share your inheritance with them. You’re already getting way more than they are!”
“How much does she get?” Tambourine questioned.
“None of your business!” Kuria pouted.
“Wait – Frikiza.” Piccolo Junior looked at Frikiza, and held up his hands. “I appreciate the gesture, but honestly – I really don’t need all that money. You can give my share to Kuria.”
“What!” The mutants and King Piccolo all cried.
“Idiot! If you don’t want it, give it to me!” King Piccolo yelled.
“No, give it to me!” Kuria grinned. “Thanks, Junior!”
“Junior, it’s yours.” Frikiza hissed. “If you don’t want it then you can give it away to whoever you want, but I’m not changing my will again.” She folded her arms and glared down at Kuria. “Now. Go home.”

Kuria attempted to stand up, only to be greeted by a loud crack and floods of pain.
Aiigh!” She screamed, falling back down. “Mama! I can’t move!”
“Hmph. You haven’t been training, have you?” Frikiza scolded. “Fine. You can stay here until you get better.”
“What? No way!” King Piccolo barked. “Junior, go and get her one of those senzu things.”
“No!” Frikiza yelled stubbornly. She glared at her husband. “Kuria’s staying here until she’s well enough to go home. If I’d wanted her to get comfortable again right away, I wouldn’t have hit her so hard!”
“So put her in a hotel, she’s not staying here!” King Piccolo argued.
“Yes she is! This is my house!” Frikiza snapped.
“Oh yeah? Then why is it called the ‘King Piccolo Mansion’?” King Piccolo snarled back.
“Because you’re a maniac with a big head and a big ego and you have to think the world revolves around you – that’s why I let you give this place that name when I bought it for you!” Frikiza hissed.
“So you’re admitting it’s mine?” King Piccolo smirked.
“What? No!” Frikiza shrieked. “This is my home and my daughter is staying here, and that’s final!”
“Frikiza…” King Piccolo snarled, his eyes glowing demonically as his anger steadily grew to an almost uncontrollable level.
Piccolo…” Frikiza hissed back, her eyes also glowing with anger as she spoke in a dark, venomous tone.

King Piccolo flinched, and a cold shiver ran down his spine. Wow. It wasn’t often Frikiza looked like that. She got angry a lot, and she got pissy… but that was fierce. … … That was why he’d married her. Now that he thought about it, she had a pretty ruthless whip to her as well… and she could stand the sound of someone else’s scream. Yes! This was the side of Frikiza he liked!
“Tell you want.” King Piccolo growled, moving his lips down to Frikiza’s ear. His eyes were still glowing from his anger, and his voice was cold and fierce. “You make me scream…” King Piccolo spoke. “… and she can stay.” He let out a low, venomous snarl against her ear that caused Frikiza to blush slightly. She looked at him, and caught a glimpse of his glowing, demonic, predatory eyes… and she backed down.
“Okay.” Frikiza whimpered. “Fine, I’ll –”
“Great!” King Piccolo grinned, yanking Frikiza into his arms. “Kids, help your sister inside, we’re busy!”

He darted back into the mansion with Frikiza as fast as he could, leaving Piccolo Junior and the mutants to help the crippled Kuria.
“… Guys, I’m gonna take off.” Piccolo Junior said, looking at Kuria sceptically.
“What!” His brothers cried.
“Junior, don’t leave us here with her!” Tambourine frowned.
“Oh, you think I want you freaks to help me?” Kuria snarled back.
“Fine, we won’t.” Drum pouted, and the mutants went back inside while Piccolo Junior flew away.
“Hey! Wait!” Kuria cried, her eyes widening as she watched her stepbrothers walk away, leaving her helpless. Seriously? Were they really leaving? She didn’t think they’d actually leave her! “Come back!” Kuria yelled after them. “I’m telling your papa!”

Chapter Text

It was late at night in the demon family’s mansion. Piano was in the library, as he often was at this hour. He liked to read… but he liked to read to himself, undisturbed, after his siblings had gone to bed. They weren’t into books. Piano wasn’t even entirely sure that they could all read properly. They weren’t made for that, after all…

There was a seemingly endless supply of books in in this room. Frikiza had filled it with what had to be every piece of literature on Earth; Piano could come into this room to read every day for the rest of his life and he still wouldn’t get through them all. It made him feel so important to be here, like he himself was a king. He was sure some of these books were worth more than the mansion itself. Personally though, Piano liked to read modern educational books the most. His brothers were always asking him to explain things to them – he wasn’t a fighter, so intelligence was all Piano could bring to the family… and he refused to ever be asked a question that he didn’t know the answer to. So, he was here, late at night, reading. Reading… and waiting. Waiting for a certain person to finish her shift…

As regular as clockwork she came into the room. Piano didn’t know her name, but she worked as a cleaner in the mansion, and she always finished her shift at the same time, on the same days every week, and then she came in here to read before she went home. Piano barely spoke to her. They just greeted each other, that was all. He didn’t know her name, or where she lived, or who she was… nothing. And he saw her every day.
“Hello.” Piano greeted the woman politely, as he always did.
“Hello, Your Highness.” She smiled back, and took a seat on the desk opposite him. She was reading a fantasy book… It was her own, not from the mansion. She always brought her own books to read; Piano wasn’t sure why. She obviously didn’t come into the mansion library for its books. Maybe she only came here because it was too busy for her to read at home… She was middle-aged; perhaps she had a family. She probably wouldn’t’ look like much to King Piccolo or the other mutants… but that was why Piano liked her. He didn’t look like much either. He wouldn’t feel comfortable with a young, pretty girl… This woman was pretty enough. She had pretty eyes…

Piano felt his cheeks burn a little as she addressed him so formally. He didn’t know why… He liked the servants to show him proper respect, but this one… He always felt so embarrassed when she did. Maybe because he liked her… and he would like it if they were in a situation where she wouldn’t speak to him formally. If they were on friendly terms, or close… But she had a family, right? Probably. It was pointless asking, Piano told himself, as he told himself every night. She was taken, and even if she wasn’t, why would she possibly like Piano? He told himself that every night as well… Until recently. After all, Cymbal had managed to find a girl. Cymbal, of all people. Cymbal had found a girl similar to himself, and this older woman was similar to Piano… kind of. They weren’t the same species, but Cymbal and Strawberry hadn’t been, right? And that had lasted… for a while, anyway. It didn’t need to last forever, did it? It was better to have a good thing for a while, than not to have it at all. … Maybe this could be a good thing.
“Oh…” Piano uttered shyly, and caught the servant’s eyes as he looked at her. “You… you don’t have to call me that.” He said. “Just ‘Piano’ will do.”
“Oh… alright.” She replied, and smiled again. “Thank you, Sir.”
“Um… you’re welcome.” Piano uttered.

He returned to his book, wondering what else he could say. He didn’t know what people did in this situation. He didn’t know how couples met. He didn’t know how to make small talk…
“You must be very smart.” The servant commented, drawing Piano’s gaze back up to her. “You’re always reading about science.”
“Oh… yes.” Piano smiled slightly. “My brothers seem to think I know everything… So I like to make sure I do.”
“Everything?” The servant chuckled.
“Well… everything that matters.” Piano replied, smirking slightly. “… You like to read fiction?”
“Oh – yeah.” The servant nodded. “It’s my escape from the kids.” She giggled. “My husband doesn’t get it.”
“Oh… you’re married?” Piano mumbled, his heart sinking.
“Yes.” The servant answered. “I don’t wear my ring to work – I’ll lose it, but… twenty years now. Three kids – my youngest is five, and my eldest is getting married next month.”
“I see…” Piano uttered.
“That’s why I read here. I don’t get a minute to myself at home.”

Piano smiled politely, and went quiet again. So… she really did belong to someone else, didn’t she? She sounded like she had such a wonderful life… Well. He was happy for her. Really. And he was happy that he knew a little bit more about her.
“… I think I’ll go to bed.” Piano said, standing up. He went to put his book back on its shelf, and looked at the woman. “Goodnight, um…?”
“Marie.” The servant answered. “Goodnight, Piano.”

The corners of Piano’s mouth twitched up into a slight smile. He’d never been addressed informally by someone he liked before. It felt… pleasant. It suited her, to not call him ‘Your Highness’ or ‘Sir’ or… some other thing that put them so far apart.

Piano cleared his throat and left the room. He was glad he talked to her… He was glad he knew her name. Even if she was with someone else, she wouldn’t be the only person Piano would be interested in. Someone would come along, one day… Piano was sure of it. He was just happy he’d spoken to Marie. … … He kind of hoped it rained on her child’s wedding though, and that Marie’s husband got his suit wet.

Chapter Text

Krillin let out a groan. This sucked… He hated night duty. All he had to do was patrol the streets up and down, and it was either like a desert around here with absolutely nothing to do, or the night was filled with drunk youngsters squabbling and breaking into fights every five minutes. Maybe he was just getting old, but a ‘busy’ night shift always made Krillin feel like a babysitter. At least during the day there was a little more variety… Oh well. Just another couple of hours to go. Krillin carelessly kicked a pebble out of his way as he patrolled the dark streets of the city at three o’ clock in the morning, listening out for any kind of disturbance.

Hm… There was one. Krillin looked up at the sound of a low grunting, and turned his head to look down an alleyway. His eyes widened slightly at the sight in front of him. What was that…? Was that a dinosaur? Ugh. He was peeing against a wall… Gross! And now he was lying down to sleep in the puddle. Ew!
“Hey.” Krillin frowned, approaching the creature. “Hey, Buddy… Time to go. You can’t sleep here.”
“Nn…” The creature grunted, burying his face into what Krillin hoped he didn’t realise was his own urine.
“Great…” Krillin sighed to himself “Why me?”

He squatted down beside the creature and lightly shook him, attempting to wake him up. “Come on.” Krillin said. “It’s against the law to crash here. Let me escort you home –”
“No!” The creature snarled, and Krillin leapt back as he threw his tail at him, narrowly missing Krillin.
“Hey!” Krillin barked, rapidly losing his patience. “Listen – attacking a police officer is a serious offense – I could have you arrested for that, you know! Now come on. Time to go!”

The creature opened his eyes to look up at Krillin, and smirked.
“Shove…” He mumbled. “Shove it…” Suddenly, his face crumbled, and he burst into tears. “Strawby…” The creature groaned, sinking his face into the floor again. “Strawberry!”
“Strawberry?” Krillin frowned in confusion. “You want some strawberries?”
“Yes!” The creature exclaimed, seemingly happy all of a sudden. “Hahaha!” He rolled over onto his back, unwittingly coating himself in urine, and continued laughing maniacally for a few long seconds before he suddenly closed his eyes and fell asleep.
“Hey!” Krillin snapped. “Buddy – you can’t –” He stopped at the sight of an empty drink bottle beside the creature. Was that what he’d been drinking? What was it?

Krillin picked up the bottle cautiously, grateful that he was wearing gloves as the bottle had gone through the puddle of urine, and he examined it. ‘Demon Juice’ … huh. Krillin hadn’t heard of that one. What a weird name for a drink. The percentage was… “Whoa!” Krillin gasped. He looked at the creature in awe, his eyes widening. “Did you have this whole bottle?”
“Mm…” The creature grunted back.
“How are you still alive?” Krillin sweat dropped. “I think you need a hospital – come on.” He attempted to grab hold of the creature, but was once again greeted by his tail.
No!” The creature screamed, smacking Krillin with such force it sent him flying a few feet away.
“Hey!” Krillin yelled, catching himself in mid-air. “Right, that’s it! You are under arr –” He didn’t have time to finished his sentence before the creature sent a ki ball flying at him, which Krillin managed to deflect into the air. What the hell? Who was this guy? He had some power to him. “What’s your name?” Krillin demanded.
“Fuck you.” The creature, otherwise known as Cymbal grunted, returning to his sleeping position. Tch. He couldn’t be bothered with this… but he wasn’t allowed to do anything bad. Frikiza would be mad at him if he killed this guy… he wanted to though. He really wanted to… “Ngh!” Cymbal grunted angrily and leapt away when he felt Krillin attempt to put him in handcuffs. “No!” Cymbal roared.
“You left me no choice.” Krillin said sternly. “If you aren’t going to go home peacefully, I’ll have to detain you.”
“No!” Cymbal yelled. “Junior!”
“Junior?” Krillin blinked. What did that mean?

Back at Kami’s Lookout, Piccolo Junior was torn from his sleep by a voice inside his head. He recognised it immediately, and his heart sank as he realised he was about to be dragged into something he didn’t want to be a part of. Oh, no… no. Please! What had they done now?
“Cymbal…” Piccolo Junior spoke coldly, immediately losing any patience he could possibly have. “Someone had better be dying.”
“Yeah, if… if you don’t come and stop this guy, he’s gonna die.” Cymbal answered back. His messages were a little fuzzy… Was he drunk? Oh, great. Junior let out a sigh, and growled back,
“What guy?”
“The po… the police guy! He’s trying to arrest me!”

Piccolo Junior hung his head and closed his eyes, his soul overcome with a deep, heavy agony. Why…? Why?
“Don’t kill anybody, Cymbal.” Junior sighed. “I’m on my way.”


Cymbal wasn’t hard to track down. In his drunken state he wasn’t hiding his energy – not that he hid it often anyway. Piccolo Junior didn’t know what to expect. Cymbal wasn’t created as an assassin, so maybe he wasn’t as likely to kill as Tambourine or Drum… but he was drunk, and he was still a fighter all the same. What had he even done to attract the attention of the police anyway? Oh, hell…

Piccolo Junior finally arrived in an alleyway, to see Cymbal wrestling with a police officer who was less than half his size.
“No!” Cymbal barked at the officer, swiping at him with his tail before catching sight of his brother. “Junior!” Cymbal cried. “Tell him! Tell him who I am!”
“Not a chance.” Piccolo Junior growled, and turned to the policeman. “Look, Officer I –”
Piccolo?” The police officer gasped.
“Krillin?” Piccolo Junior blinked, recognising his voice.

The policeman took off his helmet to reveal what was indeed Krillin’s face underneath.
“What are you doing here?” Krillin demanded. “I’m kind of busy right now!”
“Yeah, this is – … I guess you only met Tambourine, huh…?” Piccolo Junior sweat dropped, his face darkening in embarrassment. “This is uh… This is my brother. Cymbal.”
What!” Krillin cried, leaping back in shock. “This guy is your brother?”
“Pff! Yeah.” Cymbal snorted. “Now he’s gonna break your legs.”
“No I’m not!” Piccolo Junior barked.

He approached Krillin and looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry, Krillin. Cymbal isn’t normally like this – he’s gone kind of crazy because he broke up with his girlfriend or something…”
“No!” Cymbal yelled stubbornly. “No, I’m not! I’m totally – I’m totally over her…” He barely had time to finish his sentence before he burst into tears and threw himself to the ground. “Strawberry… She doesn’t love me!” He sobbed loudly into the dirty alleyway floor.
“So… ‘Strawberry’, that’s the name of his girlfriend?” Krillin uttered, watching Cymbal. “Apparently…” Piccolo Junior answered. “So – can you let this one slide? He’s just drunk, that’s all. He doesn’t know what he’s doing – he won’t even remember fighting you.”
“Hm.” Krillin grunted, folding his arms. “Well… So long as you take him home I won’t arrest him, but I’m fining him.”
Fining?” Piccolo Junior repeated.
“Yep.” Krillin nodded stubbornly, writing in his ticket book. “Drunk and disorderly in public, drinking after hours in a curfew area, insulting a police officer, attacking a police officer, failing to cooperate with the law… Here you go.” He held out a fairly large pile of tickets to Piccolo Junior. “And I’m only not arresting him as a favour to you.”
“A favour?” Piccolo Junior cried, looking through the tickets. “How the hell is this a favour, Krillin? You could buy a house with this kind of money!”
“Come on, don’t exaggerate.” Krillin frowned. “You’re lucky it was me here and not one of my colleagues – I mean for starters he would have killed them by now so he’d be looking at a murder charge – but even if they’d survived they really would have put him in jail. Your brother almost took my head off!”
“Okay, okay… I get it.” Piccolo Junior sighed. “Whatever… Just help me get him home, would you?”
“Sorry. I can’t leave my post.” Krillin answered. “But… he should be no trouble now. Look.” Krillin pointed at Cymbal, who was now fast asleep in his own urine. “… But… you might want to give him a bath when you get him inside.”
Dammit!” Piccolo Junior yelled, and Krillin started writing him a ticket for raising his voice after hours in a curfew area.


A short while later, Piccolo Junior landed in front of the King Piccolo Mansion, trying his best to contain his anger as Cymbal snored loudly into his ear. Junior gritted his teeth and exhaled sharply, before dropping Cymbal off his back. “We’re here.” Piccolo Junior stated as Cymbal crashed into the ground. “… Hey.” Piccolo Junior turned round to glare at Cymbal, who was still sleeping soundly and oblivious to his new surroundings. “Cymbal! We’re home.” He squatted down beside his brother and shook him harshly, almost gagging at the stench that was coming from his brother. It was alcohol, urine… and vomit? Was there vomit there too? Was it at least Cymbal’s? Disgusting… and Junior could smell perfume as well. Women’s perfume, and a body scent that wasn’t Cymbal’s… Tch. Was this what Piano was talking about when he said Cymbal had been going into the city? Did he really spend his nights drinking and fooling around with women, and getting himself into this state? Why would he do this? Didn’t he have any self-respect? Then again… other than Frikiza, Cymbal didn’t exactly have much of a role model… “Cymbal!” Junior barked fiercely, causing his brother’s eyes to open a little. “We’re home!”
“Hm? Oh…” Cymbal replied sleepily, and closed his eyes again. “Okay… open the door.”
“I don’t have a key!” Piccolo Junior growled.
“King…” Cymbal mumbled, and yawned. “King… Piccolo Day… and…” He coughed a little, then gagged, then spat up a door key before going back to sleep.

Piccolo Junior stared down at the key on the floor, which was covered in Cymbal’s saliva. Gross… Did he really have to touch that? No way!
“You don’t have a clean one?” Junior demanded.
“Where?” Cymbal grunted, turning onto his side. “No pockets. Hurry up, Junior!” Cymbal huffed impatiently.
“I’m not touching that.” Piccolo Junior stated. “I’m just gonna knock –”
“No!” Cymbal cried, suddenly wide awake. “No – please! King Piccolo will be mad! Here!” He reached out to grab the key then grunted and groaned, using all the strength in his body to push himself up into a standing position. “Hold on…” He staggered over to the door, and clumsily leaned against it as he pushed the key into its hole. “King Piccolo Day.” Cymbal repeated.
“Yeah, what about it?” Piccolo Junior grunted.
“There!” Cymbal barked, pointing at a keypad that was attached to the door. “May 9th.”
“I know what day it is.” Piccolo Junior growled, typing the date into the keypad. “It’s my birthday, remember?”
“Drum’s too.” Cymbal mumbled, and sat back down.

He leaned back against the door, and managed to keep his eyes closed for three seconds before the door opened and caused Cymbal to fall onto his back. “No…” Cymbal groaned, turning onto his front to bury his face into the floor. “Leave me here…”
“Come on.” Piccolo Junior sighed. He stepped into the mansion, allowing the door to shut behind him, and harshly kicked Cymbal in the side.
“No!” Cymbal snarled, flinging his tail up at Junior. Piccolo Junior dodged the attack with ease, and grabbed hold of Cymbal’s tail. He glared down at his brother and spoke sternly,
“Which way to your room?”
“That way.” Cymbal pouted, pointing. “But I’m staying he – hey!” He cried out as Piccolo Junior darted down the corridor of the King Piccolo Mansion, dragging Cymbal along behind him.


Meanwhile, elsewhere in the mansion, Frikiza was disturbed by the sound of the front door closing, followed by distant shouting…
“Cymbal’s back.” She groaned into her pillow.
“Mm…” King Piccolo sleepily replied.
“You have to stop him going out every night…” Frikiza yawned. “He always comes back at some crazy hour… and he’s always drunk.”
“You’re his mother.” King Piccolo grunted, turning away to go back to sleep. “You tell him.”
“Technically, you’re his mother.” Frikiza replied.
“You adopted him.” King Piccolo argued back.
“You gave birth to him.”
“It was your idea to let him grieve over that dinosaur!” King Piccolo barked. “I told him to stop whining and get over it.”
“And where would that have got us?” Frikiza frowned.
“We’d be asleep now.” King Piccolo growled.
“… Well…” Frikiza mumbled, admitting defeat. “Maybe it is time to get over it…”
“Good.” King Piccolo uttered, turning to face her. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“Don’t be too hard on him.” Frikiza pleaded. “He’s going through a tough time.”
“That’s why I made him tough. You’re too soft.” King Piccolo snorted, resting his head on Frikiza’s chest. He grinned, and buried his face into her breasts. “All over…”
“Pickle… stop, that hurts.” Frikiza whined, gently pushing his head away. “They’re more sensitive now.”
“They’re just more.” King Piccolo smirked, using his hands to push Frikiza’s enlarged breasts into his face. “When the milk comes, let me drink it.”
“No!” Frikiza pouted. “That’s for –”
Argh!” King Piccolo snarled, suddenly annoyed as he felt a heavy thud on his arm. “Fuck you, Bass!” He turned away with his back to Frikiza, suddenly enraged by the unborn child that had kicked him. Frikiza started giggling and moved to wrap her arms around her husband.
“Well… you should know better than to take his food.” She teased, and planted a kiss on King Piccolo’s cheek. “Don’t be like that… He’s sorry.”

King Piccolo exhaled fiercely, and started to calm down as Frikiza grazed her fingernails up and down his side. Hm… Well, whatever. It was just a stupid baby –
Ngh!” King Piccolo grunted angrily as Frikiza’s stomach touched him, and he felt another kick against his spine. “Go away!” King Piccolo barked, and threw his hand out to push Frikiza as far away from him as he could. Dammit. Even sleeping with her wasn’t fun anymore!


Meanwhile, after very little cooperation from Cymbal, Piccolo Junior finally made it into his brother’s room.
“So this is it?” Piccolo Junior questioned, looking around.
“Yep.” Came his brother’s reply. Piccolo Junior stared in wonder at his surroundings. This room was… full of crap. There were hundreds and hundreds of shiny objects in here, ranging from crystals and geodes that were probably worth a fortune, to little pieces of tin foil and cheap ornaments. They were all organised so perfectly, as if each one was some kind of trophy.
“You uh… you have a lot of stuff.” Piccolo Junior sweat dropped.
“I collect things.” Cymbal grunted, making his way towards the bathroom. “King Piccolo made me to collect stuff, so I do.”
“You were only supposed to gather the dragonballs…” Piccolo Junior replied.
“I like to collect stuff.” Cymbal answered. “Shiny stuff.”

Piccolo Junior watched as Cymbal entered the bathroom, and the sound of running water soon followed. Well… he’d sobered up enough to draw himself a bath at least. Good. He stank!
“I’m gonna take off.” Piccolo Junior called to Cymbal, and placed the numerous penalty tickets on Cymbal’s beside table, including the one that Piccolo Junior had earned himself. Well, Cymbal could pay that one. It was his fault Junior had got it. “I’ll leave these here – make sure you pay them, and don’t leave this room until morning.” Piccolo Junior ordered. He waited for a reply from Cymbal, but got none. Tch. Whatever. “Don’t mention it, I love cleaning up after my drunk mutant family.” Piccolo Junior growled. Still nothing. Really? Piccolo Junior had stopped Cymbal getting arrested or worse, and escorted him home, and Cymbal wasn’t even grateful! Why did Junior even bother? Hmph. Whatever…

He turned to leave the room, when he heard a bubbling sound. What was that? “Cymbal…?” Piccolo Junior asked cautiously. No answer again… “Cymbal, cut the crap!” He spoke telepathically. “Answer me!” Still nothing. This didn’t feel right. Piccolo Junior started to feel uneasy, and with a bothersome sense that something was wrong he made his way into the bathroom and laid his eyes upon the tub. The taps were still running. Steam was starting to rise from the hot water, and Cymbal… Where the hell was Cymbal? Piccolo Junior approached the bath tub, and looked into the water… Crap!

He flung his hands into the water and grabbed hold of the mutant namek that was currently drowning beneath its surface. He yanked Cymbal out of the water to see that his eyes were closed. “Cymbal!” Piccolo Junior cried, and used all the strength in his body to smack his hand onto Cymbal’s back. Cymbal’s mouth jerked open from the impact, and a lungful of water came flying out of his mouth. His eyes snapped open wide and he started to cough violently, spluttering and spitting, desperately trying to catch his breathe. “You idiot!” Piccolo Junior yelled. “Did nobody ever teach you not to fall asleep in the bath?”
“Wha…?” Cymbal uttered, seemingly unaware of what was going on as he struggled to catch his breath. He coughed a few more times, then spat out a little more water, and grinned. “Oh… I’m fine…” Cymbal crooned, waving his hand dismissively. He pulled away from Piccolo Junior and climbed back into the bath. “You can go now.”
“You sure about that?” Piccolo Junior growled, turning off the taps.
“Mm…” Cymbal replied as his eyes went heavy once again, and within seconds he was asleep.
“Cymbal!” Piccolo Junior barked, causing his brother to wake with a start.
“Ssh!” Cymbal hissed fiercely, annoyed that he had been woken up.
“What’s the matter with you? You were starting to sober up.” Piccolo Junior frowned. “How did you –” He stopped in mid-sentence when he saw an empty wine bottle on the side of the bath tub. Oh… really? “Have you just downed a whole bottle of wine?”
“No!” Cymbal huffed stubbornly. “Half was this morning.”
“So you just downed the other half?” Piccolo Junior demanded.
“Mm…” Cymbal purred, falling asleep again. “Ssh…”

He leaned forward into the bath, and was about to fall asleep underwater again when his younger brother grabbed him.
“Cymbal!” Piccolo Junior snapped. “Stay awake!”
“Too tired…” Cymbal whined. “Am I clean yet?”
“Like hell you are.” Piccolo Junior replied, grimacing at the scent of perfume and urine and alcohol and vomit and god knows what else that was still on Cymbal’s body. “You can’t just lie in water and expect to be clean, you need to wash yourself.”
“You do it…” Cymbal mumbled.
“No way!” Piccolo Junior barked. “Do it yourself! Here!” He grabbed the soap and the roughest sponge he could find and slammed them into Cymbal’s hand.

Cymbal still had his eyes closed as he raised the bar of soap to his face, and took a bite out of it.
“Ew!” Cymbal gagged, spitting the soap out. “I don’t like this candy.”
“It’s not candy! Wash yourself!” Piccolo Junior yelled, his patience rapidly declining. “Don’t you ever wash?”
“Yeah…” Cymbal yawned, leaning back against the side of the tub. “You do it. I’m sleeping.”
“No you’re not!” Piccolo Junior growled. “Cymbal!”

He attempted to shake his brother awake, but Cymbal had already sunk into a deep sleep. Dammit… Was this really happening? He didn’t really have to wash Cymbal, did he? No! No way! If Cymbal wasn’t going to wash himself, then Piccolo Junior would just put him in bed as he was. After all, it wasn’t Junior’s fault Cymbal stank. Ugh. That smell was unbearable… and he’d be like that all night, and by morning it would be even worse… … … fine. “You’d better not be faking this.” Piccolo Junior snarled at Cymbal, who remained unresponsive. Piccolo Junior let out a long sigh and closed his eyes, building up the mental strength to do this. Okay… This was disgusting, but there were worse things. Much worse things. Piccolo Junior couldn’t think of any right not, but there had to be… Whatever. He just wanted to get this over with.

He grabbed hold of the soap and the sponge, and started to mercilessly scrub Cymbal’s back.
“Nng!” Cymbal groaned, pulling away and frowning as the harshness of Junior’s scrubbing woke him up. “Not so hard!”
“Shut up!” Piccolo Junior ordered, yanking Cymbal back to him. “If you’re not going to wash yourself, this is what happens.”
“It hurts!” Cymbal whined as his brother’s claws scraped against his skin.
“So what? Don’t be so pathetic.” Piccolo Junior scolded. “You should be grateful I’m doing this at all. I could have just let you drown.”
“Would have been less painful…” Cymbal mumbled bitterly.

Piccolo Junior simply snorted. Tch. Ingrate. No wonder his girlfriend had dumped him. Why did Cymbal even have a girlfriend, anyway? They weren’t all that. Junior never wanted one…
“Tail.” Piccolo Junior demanded, and Cymbal reluctantly placed his tail in his brother’s hands.
“That’s not dirty.” Cymbal argued.
“Oh yeah? What do you think you were dragging through the mud?” Piccolo Junior snorted. “Aside from our family name?” Hmph. He was right. This was unbelievable… Even in his ‘evil’ days, when he was a loyal follower of King Piccolo, Piccolo Junior never would have imagined he’d have to do this for his king. Bath a drunk dragon? What was he doing! “Okay, you’re good enough.” Piccolo Junior said, scrubbing the last bit of dirt away from Cymbal’s horns. He splashed water over Cymbal to wash away the soap, and tugged on Cymbal’s wings. “Come on. Get out. Brush your teeth.”
“But you didn’t wash my thing…” Cymbal replied.
I’m not doing that!” Piccolo Junior screamed at him, his face turning violet. “You aren’t a baby! Do it yourself!”
“Okay, okay…” Cymbal grunted, taking the soap.

Piccolo Junior looked away and waited, giving Cymbal enough time to wash himself, before looking back at his brother. His fists clenched at the sight of him, and it took a good amount of willpower from Piccolo Junior to stop himself killing Cymbal.
“Cymbal!” Piccolo Junior barked, once again breaking Cymbal out of his sleep.
“Huh? Oh… Okay.” Cymbal yawned, and climbed out of the bath tub. He rubbed his eyes and stepped into the towel that Piccolo Junior was holding out for him. “Thanks…”
“Wait.” Piccolo Junior uttered as Cymbal was about to walk into his bedroom. He looked at Cymbal sternly. “Teeth.”
“What?” Cymbal whined. “No! I’m done!”
“Tell your breath.” Piccolo Junior growled. “You stink.”
“Mm…” Cymbal sighed, and reluctantly went to brush his teeth.

Piccolo Junior moved to wait in Cymbal’s bedroom, folding his arms as he leaned against the bedroom wall. He couldn’t believe this. This was ridiculous… What was he doing here? Why was he bathing Cymbal? Why was he putting him to bed? Why had he stopped him getting arrested? He wasn’t Cymbal’s babysitter, or his father, so why him? Piccolo Junior was the youngest! Why was he doing this, and not King Piccolo, or Frikiza, or anyone else in this mansion? Why did they all rely on Piccolo Junior to fix their problems, when they only had themselves to blame for getting into trouble in the first place? Why! … And what was taking Cymbal so long!
“Cymbal!” Piccolo Junior growled impatiently. “You’d better not be sleeping again.”
“Coming.” Cymbal replied, and stepped out of the bathroom. He bore his teeth at Junior to demonstrate how clean they were, and moved towards his bed like a homing pigeon.
“Okay.” Piccolo Junior sighed. Finally! “Goodnight.”
“Wait.” Cymbal said just as Piccolo Junior was turning to leave. “I want some water. Over there.” He pointed to a large water dispenser that was outside his bathroom… The same one he’d just walked past to get into bed.
“What – you were just there!” Piccolo Junior protested. “Why didn’t you get a drink before?”
“I wasn’t thirsty then.” Cymbal replied.
“You’re on thin ice…” Piccolo Junior growled, trying to decide whether or not Cymbal was actually doing this on purpose as he got his brother a drink. If this was all some big joke to him… Piccolo Junior didn’t even care to think about what he would do.
“Sorry…” Cymbal said in an apologetic tone.

Piccolo Junior approached Cymbal and looked into his eyes. Cymbal stared back with a puppy dog expression on his face. His eyes were wide and glistening, his lip was quivering… He looked like he was about to cry. … Hm. “Sorry, Junior…” Cymbal whimpered.
“… It’s fine.” Junior sighed, finally deciding that Cymbal wasn’t trying to annoy him. He was just drunk. Drunk… and stupid. “Here.” Piccolo Junior handed his brother a drink, and was greeted by a warm smile.
“Thank you.” Cymbal said.

He downed the drink in one gulp and handed the empty glass back to Piccolo Junior, then settled down into his bed. “I think I’m going to be sick tomorrow…” Cymbal mumbled.
“Sick?” Piccolo Junior repeated.
“Yeah… hung-over.” Cymbal yawned. “King Piccolo doesn’t admit that he gets drunk… but I do. It’s not food poisoning. It’s alcohol.”
“So if it makes you sick then why do you drink?” Piccolo Junior frowned.
“I just… want to.” Cymbal sighed. “Makes me feel better… about Strawberry.”

Piccolo Junior paused for a moment, studying his brother. Really…? He was doing all this, he was making a fool of himself in the early hours of the morning, he was getting drunk, and feeling sick… over a girl? Why? Why would he do that?
“I don’t know why you got a girlfriend.” Piccolo Junior grunted. “It doesn’t seem worth it if you ask me.”
“Yeah… it’s worth it.” Cymbal replied, closing his eyes as he nestled his face in his pillow. “Made me happy… We had fun…”
“But what about now? Is this fun for you?” Piccolo Junior replied.
“No…” Cymbal admitted. “No… it’s not.”
“Exactly.” Piccolo Junior huffed, folding his arms. “So doesn’t all this make having a girlfriend not worthwhile? When you factor in getting sick, and upset over her leaving. It’s not worth it.”
“Nu-uh.” Cymbal uttered, shaking his head. “It was still worth it, for how happy it made me. I’d do it all over again.”
“Really…?” Piccolo Junior mumbled. He looked at Cymbal for a moment, and grunted. “Well then…” Piccolo Junior uttered. “If you think it was worth all this, then you shouldn’t be grieving. You should be celebrating the fact that you dated her at all. Doesn’t that make more sense?”
“Oh…” Cymbal mumbled sleepily. “I never thought… that way…” He sniggered a little, almost turning maniacal for a second before he settled back down. “Thanks… Junior.”
“Don’t thank me. I don’t really have an opinion on this stuff.” Piccolo Junior shrugged, looking at Cymbal. “For all I know, I could be giving you bad advice.”
“Thanks… for taking care of me.” Cymbal said.

Piccolo Junior flinched, taken aback by Cymbal’s gratitude. Well, he wasn’t expecting that… … He didn’t know what to say…
“… You’re welcome.” Piccolo Junior uttered quietly, and suddenly became unsettled at the feeling of… something. All of a sudden, he felt… different. There was a kind of warmth tingled in his chest. … He’d never felt this way towards his brothers before. Was that wrong…?
“G…” Cymbal grunted, stretching his arm out to Piccolo Junior. He opened up his palm, and attempted to speak through the heavy wave of sleep that was steadily carrying him away. “Gnigh… Junr…”

Piccolo Junior stared at Cymbal’s open palm for a long moment, and then back at the sleeping Cymbal. Hmph. Idiot. He was such a fool, carrying on like this. Getting drunk, getting into fights, almost drowning, refusing to wash himself… What an idiot. If King Piccolo had seen Cymbal in that state, he would have been a lot harder on him than Piccolo Junior. He would have broken a leg or two, or at the very least tied his wings together. Maybe even killed him, If Cymbal had dared to ask King Piccolo to wash him. … Heh. Well. Cymbal was just lucky it hadn’t been King Piccolo here, wasn’t he? … Yeah.

Piccolo Junior placed his palm on Cymbal’s, and the corners of his mouth twitched up into a slight smile.
“Goodnight, Cymbal.” Piccolo Junior spoke softly. He turned the bedroom light off and made his way to the largest window in the room, and stealthily slipped out without making a sound.

Chapter Text

“Cymbal!” King Piccolo bellowed as he stormed through every corridor in the mansion. Dammit, where was that useless freak? He couldn’t have gone far… Cymbal barely made it past the front door whenever he came home drunk – if he even came home at all. Maybe he’d gone for a drink in the pool… Dammit! Now it would stink! “Cymbal!” King Piccolo screamed as he charged outside and raced over to the pool. He looked down, his eyes scanning every inch of the water… Cymbal wasn’t here. “Frikiza, he didn’t come home.” King Piccolo grunted angrily. “Who do you want to send?”
“Tambourine found him last time…” Frikiza uttered, coming up beside her husband. “Let’s send Drum.”
“Fine.” King Piccolo grunted. “Drum. Go and look for Cymbal – and when you find him, break his wings.”
“Okay, King Piccolo!” Drum telepathically replied from elsewhere in the mansion, and headed out to retrieve his brother from what he still believed was medical treatment. He was kind of annoyed about it… why didn’t the city doctors take better care of Cymbal? They gave him medicine that made him act drunk and then they let him loose in the city late at night… It was stupid!
“If Cymbal didn’t come home, then who did I hear last night?” Tambourine asked everyone from his own bedroom.
“Yes, somebody definitely came in. I heard it too.” Piano said. “Is he definitely not in his room?”
“But he never makes it to his room.” Tambourine replied.
“Should I check before I go?” Drum offered.
“Don’t be ridiculous. That idiot couldn’t find his room if it was on fire.” King Piccolo growled. “It was probably one of the cleaners.”
“I thought I heard Cymbal’s voice…” Piano uttered. “Perhaps a cleaner helped him to his room?”
“Fine, so check!” King Piccolo barked. “Actually… Drum, stay where you are. I’ll check. But Piano…” He spoke fiercely. “If I go up there only to find that I’ve wasted my time… you will suffer the consequences.”
“Understood, Sire…” Piano nervously replied.

King Piccolo looked at Frikiza.
“Did you check Cymbal’s room?” He demanded.
“What? No. He never makes it to his room.” Frikiza frowned.
“Let’s go check.” King Piccolo grunted, and made his way towards Cymbal’s bedroom, accompanied by Frikiza.

As soon as they entered Cymbal’s bedroom they were greeted with the scent of fresh air, and they noticed the window was open.
“Well… at least he was sober enough to air the room out.” Frikiza commented. She moved her eyes to Cymbal’s bed, where Cymbal was still in a deep sleep.
“He doesn’t smell.” King Piccolo commented, standing over his sleeping son. “Somebody washed him.”
“A servant wouldn’t do that.” Frikiza replied.
“You think he did it himself?” King Piccolo snorted.
“Maybe he didn’t drink all that much…” Frikiza uttered.
“In that case, he was sober enough to tell me where he was!” King Piccolo barked. “Cymbal!”

He yanked Cymbal’s duvet off him and grabbed hold of the mutant namek’s horns, dragging him up to his height. “Cymbal!” King Piccolo repeated impatiently. He raised his hand and slapped it straight into Cymbal’s face with all the force in his body, almost breaking Cymbal’s neck. Cymbal’s eyes snapped open and he howled in pain so loudly he almost took the roof off.
“What’s going on!” Cymbal screamed, desperately trying to break out of what he still didn’t realise was King Piccolo’s grasp.
“Why are you clean?” King Piccolo demanded.
“Huh?” Cymbal blinked, recognising his father’s voice.

He stopped squirming, and looked at King Piccolo. “King Piccolo…?” Cymbal mumbled.
“Answer me!” King Piccolo ordered. “How did you get in here?”
“I, uh…” Cymbal began, then let out another loud cry. “My head hurts!” He wailed. “Please – let me go! I’m gonna puke!”
“Ugh!” King Piccolo gagged. As requested he let Cymbal go, and did so by hurling him through the bedroom wall and into the bathroom.
“Piccolo!” Frikiza barked. “Was that necessary? That was a perfectly good wall!”
“He was going to puke on me.” King Piccolo argued, and frowned in disgust at the sound of Cymbal vomiting. “Tch. You’re pathetic!” He called to the mutant. “What kind of demon can’t handle his alcohol?”
“His father.” Frikiza sniped.
“That was food poisoning!” King Piccolo yelled. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

Frikiza simply giggled, and blushed slightly, remembering the first time King Piccolo had kissed her in Demonic Love, under the influence of alcohol. Those were the days…

She was soon pulled from her daydream by a low groaning, and she watched sympathetically as Cymbal made his way back into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed. “What do you think you’re doing?” King Piccolo snarled.
“But King Piccolo, I’m tired – aii!” Cymbal cried out as King Piccolo once again grabbed hold of his horns and dragged him out of bed.
“I have spent all morning looking for you.” King Piccolo hissed. “Do you think I enjoy running around this mansion like a fool, searching for your pitiful behind? Why didn’t you tell me you were here!”
“I was drunk!” Cymbal protested. “It didn’t even occur to me – I’m sorry!”
Liar!” King Piccolo roared. “If you were sober enough to wash yourself then you were sober enough to warn me not to waste my time!”
“I… I didn’t.” Cymbal uttered. “At least… I don’t think so…” He raised his tail to his nostrils, and sniffed. Huh… That was weird. Usually when he went out and got drunk, the next day his tail smelt like mud and urine. Now it just smelt like soap… And come to think of it, his teeth didn’t feel fuzzy, and he didn’t have a bad taste in his mouth… And he felt a little more refreshed than usual, like he’d had a drink of water or something… This didn’t make sense. He was so confused! “I… I don’t understand.” Cymbal said, looking around in bewilderment. “I must have been drunk – I don’t remember anything! How did I get to my room?”
“You really don’t remember?” Frikiza questioned.
“Nu-uh.” Cymbal replied “But I’m sure I couldn’t have washed myself – didn’t you do it for me?”
“No.” Frikiza answered. “None of us did.”
“Who put you to bed?” King Piccolo demanded, shaking Cymbal fiercely. “Did you bring a girl home with you?”
“Ow – King Piccolo, please!” Cymbal begged. “You’re hurting my head!”
“So tell me!” King Piccolo barked.
“I don’t remember!” Cymbal cried. “But if there was a girl – why isn’t she here now?”
“Perhaps she came to her senses.” King Piccolo sniped. “Are you going to cry about this one as well?”

Cymbal paused for a moment, seemingly thinking of his answer.
“… No.” He said slowly. “I… I kind of feel better today. About Strawberry, I mean… Maybe last night somebody talked me through it.”
“And you don’t remember that either?” King Piccolo grunted, finally releasing Cymbal from his grasp.
“No…” Cymbal uttered. “I’m sorry, King Piccolo… I don’t know what happened. Maybe I talked to someone for so long I sobered up, so maybe I did wash myself in the end… I don’t remember.” He looked at his father apologetically. “But… I’m going to stop acting so stupid now. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”
“Tch.” King Piccolo grunted. “Don’t worry about it, Son…” He smirked nastily, and pointed to the giant hole in the wall, the same one he’d made when he’d hurled Cymbal into the bathroom. “But if you don’t fix that by the end of the day, I will kill you.”
“What!” Cymbal cried, his eyes widening. “But that’s what you –” He stopped talking when King Piccolo shot him a deadly, sinister glare, and Cymbal hung his head in defeated. Well… he didn’t take all of his money out with him last night, so he still had some left in his bank account… it wasn’t much, but it should be enough to hire someone to fix the wall today. “Okay, Sire.” Cymbal nodded. “I’ll fix it.”
“Good.” King Piccolo grunted. He was about to leave the room, when he noticed a small stack of tickets on Cymbal’s dresser. “What are those things?” King Piccolo questioned.
“Oh – crap!” Cymbal gasped, his eyes widening once more. “I forgot about those – they’re fines! I have to pay them otherwise I’ll go to jail – King Piccolo, can I borrow some money?”
“No!” King Piccolo barked. “Pay them yourself!”
“But I don’t have enough for those and the wall –”
“That’s not my problem!” King Piccolo yelled. “And don’t ask your brothers for money either. You’re old enough to pay for your own damages.”
“But the wall was your –”
Don’t answer back to me!” King Piccolo’s voice erupted through the mansion, followed by a loud scream from Cymbal as King Piccolo flung his fist into his son.

Meanwhile, Frikiza was ignoring the scene as a thought occurred to her, and she slipped away while King Piccolo was busy laying down the law.


Back on Kami’s Lookout, Piccolo Junior was quietly meditating with his eyes closed, calming himself down after spending what had felt like an eternity taking care of Cymbal. He suddenly felt the movement of air around him, and he heard the sound of footsteps landing in front of him. He recognised this ki… Dammit.
“I’m not interested.” Junior said flatly.
“What do you mean?” Frikiza’s voice replied.

Piccolo Junior opened his eyes and looked at the icejin that was standing in front of him.
“Whatever problems you have, deal with them yourself. You revived him, and you married him. Now live with him.” Junior grunted. “I’m done.”
“Really?” Frikiza giggled. “I don’t think that will ever be the case. He’s your father, after all. Blood is blood, right?”
“Is that what your mother thinks?” Piccolo Junior coldly replied, causing Frikiza to flinch a little.
“… Well… icejins are pretty cutthroat…” Frikiza admitted. “… Anyway. Don’t worry, I don’t want your help. I just… wanted to thank you.”
“Thank me?” Piccolo Junior repeated, slightly taken aback. “What for?”
“For taking care of Cymbal.” Frikiza smiled.
“Oh…” Piccolo Junior uttered, looking away. “… What did he tell you?”
“Not much.” Frikiza answered. “He can’t remember any of last night. He doesn’t remember how he got home, or how he got to his room… You see – when Cymbal gets drunk he never makes it past the front door, and sometimes he doesn’t even come home, but last night he came home, and got into his room, and washed himself, and then he got into bed. He thinks he did it all himself, but… I’m pretty sure he had help. He was drunk, after all.”
“Yeah. Maybe he did.” Piccolo Junior shrugged, and moved his eyes back to Frikiza. “But I don’t know anything about it.”
“Really…?” Frikiza uttered. She smiled slightly. “Well then, maybe I’m mistaken. I thought you might have been the one that helped him.”
“Nope.” Piccolo Junior answered. “Not me. It’s not my problem if Cymbal gets himself into a mess. Why would I want to clean up after him?”
“Good point. I suppose you wouldn’t.” Frikiza giggled. “… Well, anyway. Whoever it was, they made Cymbal feel better about Strawberry, so I don’t think he’s going to try and self-destruct anymore. They really helped him.”
“… Good.” Piccolo Junior grunted. “But like I said… I don’t know anything about it.”
“Alright.” Frikiza shrugged. She didn’t believe him… of course she didn’t. But she played along. After all, who was she to argue? Junior acted in his own little way… and she was fine with it. “Sorry to bother you, then.” Frikiza said. “I’ll see you around.”

She turned to leave, when Piccolo Junior’s voice caught her.
“Wait.” Junior uttered. Frikiza turned back to look at him, and Junior stared at the ground, barely able to speak through his own discomfort and embarrassment. “Whoever this person is…” He said awkwardly. “If they’ve helped before, I’m sure they’ll do it again, whenever you guys need it…” He cleared his throat, and looked at Frikiza. “But you shouldn’t take advantage. You might just piss him off. … I’d guess, anyway.”

He stared at Frikiza, awaiting her response. Frikiza simply gazed back at him for a while, then smiled.
“Okay.” She replied. “I’ll try to keep them under control. I wouldn’t want to take advantage of their guardian angel, after all.” She winked at Junior, and then took off into the air and flew away, leaving him to decide whether or not he should feel insulted.
“Guardian angel?” Piccolo Junior thought to himself … Didn’t demons kill those?

Chapter Text

“How do I look, Mr. Wolf…?”
Delicious.” King Piccolo could barely keep himself from drooling as he gazed upon his gorgeous wife. She was wearing his favourite outfit; a red hooded cloak and a black corset… Her body had never looked better. She had those large, soft breasts squashed together in that tight lacy corset, and that tiny waist, and that toned stomach and those wide, round hips… Oh yeah. Just her top half was enough to make his claws itch and his taste buds tingle. Then there was her toned, smooth thighs and that tight round ass, and that delicious tail that King Piccolo was mere seconds away from grabbing and using to yank her sweet ass up to him. Frikiza was in her first form; King Piccolo hadn’t seen it in a while, and he’d had no idea how much he’d missed it. Why hadn’t he seen it for a while…? It felt like there was a reason, but he couldn’t think of it now… Ah, who cares? “Come here.” King Piccolo instructed, beckoning Frikiza to the bed as he sat upon it. He was topless, but his lower half was still covered by his gi pants. King Piccolo liked to be semi-clothed to begin with, because he liked ordering Frikiza to get his organ out. He loved the way her tiny hands handled him, and it always made him feel so superior when she did the work. Like she was his slave…

Frikiza obeyed her master, and climbed onto the bed like a good girl. She positioned herself on all fours in front of him, and awaited his next command.
“What should I do now, Master…?” Frikiza uttered quietly, her wide eyes looking so vulnerable and innocent…
“Come closer.” King Piccolo ordered, and pointed to his lap. “Sit here.”
“You aren’t going to hurt me, are you…?” Frikiza asked timidly, her sexy black lips moving so rhythmically, so deliciously… Oh, yeah.
“C-Come.” King Piccolo answered hoarsely. Wow. He was getting even more excited than usual… It was like they hadn’t done this for a while. They had… He was sure of it. So why did he feel like he’d missed this…?

King Piccolo didn’t dwell on that thought for long; the warmth of Frikiza's body on his lap distracted him far too much. She trailed her hand down his bare, muscular chest, and stared at him with those innocent eyes.
“Don’t hurt me.” Frikiza whimpered, drawing a low, animalistic growl from King Piccolo’s throat. He grabbed hold of her ass and dug his claws into his flesh, causing Frikiza to gasp loudly before letting out a soft moan. “Sire…” She breathed, closing her eyes. King Piccolo exhaled sharply, desperately trying to contain himself as Frikiza whimpered and moaned under his calloused hands and his fierce groping. He moved one hand to yank her hood off her head, revealing the full extent of Frikiza’s beautiful, sweet little face.
“Frikiza…” King Piccolo breathed, and locked his lips onto hers. He grabbed hold of her horns and pulled her delicious, beautiful face against him as he threw his tongue into her mouth, forcefully attacking her tongue as if he were trying to break it. He couldn’t help himself… He felt like he hadn’t kissed her like this in months. Why was he so hungry for her…? What had happened?

King Piccolo’s lips curled into a smirk as he felt a familiar heat on Frikiza’s cheeks. She was blushing. Like she always did at this point. She could feel something growing underneath her, under King Piccolo’s clothing… She knew he would use it to hurt her soon. He would pin her down, and rip her underwear off with his teeth, and bite her and kiss her and lick her and claw at her… She knew her body was about to be flooded with pain, and she liked it. She welcomed it. She always screamed and moaned so loudly, whimpering and sobbing as her beautiful body writhed underneath its master and she begged for mercy… Oh, yeah!

King Piccolo fiercely sank his teeth into Frikiza’s neck, causing him to become even more exited as she yelped in pain. He threw her down against the bed. Normally he would play with her boobs for a while, but now… He didn’t know what was wrong with him – he just wanted to get in there and fuck her! It was like they really hadn’t done it for months. He couldn’t control himself, he was so desperate. He hurriedly placed his hands on Frikiza’s breasts. It was the most attention he could bring himself to give them as he threw his head down onto Frikiza’s lower body and bit her thigh, almost climaxing as she moaned and writhed under his rough hands and his sharp fangs. He travelled his tongue up her body quickly, panting and growling like a rapid dog as he tore off her underwear. Oh yeah… Yes, he wanted that. He wanted to play with it first but he was too excited. He was ridiculously excited! Hell, if he didn’t fuck her now he was going to explode! King Piccolo pulled down his own clothing, too eager and too impatient to let Frikiza do it, and he positioned himself…


In his sleep, the Demon King Piccolo groaned and rolled onto his front, burying his face in what he believed was Frikiza’s chest as he grinded his hips against the bed. He sank his teeth into the fabric of his own pillow, and then he frowned… Something was wrong. Her flesh didn’t taste right. King Piccolo started to sniff the pillow, only to be greeted by a scent that wasn’t Frikiza’s. In his confusion he slowly started to wake up… What the hell…?

He rolled onto his back and allowed his eyes to focus. What…? Why was it dark suddenly? Where was…? Oh, crap! King Piccolo loud out an annoyed snarl at the sound of Frikiza breathing softly beside him, the same kind of breathing she did when she was asleep. Fuck! It had been a dream! King Piccolo turned onto his side, and a horrible wave of disappointment shot through him like nothing he had ever felt before as his suspicions were well and truly confirmed. Frikiza was asleep… and that had been a dream. Fuck fuck fuck fuck – … Hm. Well, actually… she was in her final form… King Piccolo’s eyes glowed with lust as they travelled down her frame. She was on her side with her back to him, and all he could see was the curve of her hips, and that wonderful ass… Huh. Was it him or did her ass look bigger than usual? Dammit, was this another dream too? … Well. Either way, bigger was always better, and King Piccolo had a huge thing here that was ready to go. Yeah!

King Piccolo had a wide grin on his face as he approached his sleeping wife, wrapping his palm around his organ to position it against her. Oh yes… She might not be in her Little Red Riding Hood outfit, but she was still in one of his favourite forms. “Sorry, Baby.” King Piccolo smirked wickedly, not at all sorry about how much he was about to hurt her as he prepared to push himself into her body. “I’m going to hurt you –” He suddenly froze. What the hell…? He’d just been in the middle of groping her. He’d put his hand on her large breasts – they seemed larger than usual, but he was too keen to think about why – then he’d trailed his hand down her side and towards her gorgeous hip, aiming to reach her tail and use it to pull her against him… but he’d never made it that far. Frikiza’s side kind of curved off towards her front, and now that he moved his hand along it, her stomach felt round… What…? What was going on…? Kick. “Fuck!” King Piccolo roared, snatching his hand away as every memory of the past few months suddenly flooded back into his brain. Dammit! She was pregnant!
“Mm…” Frikiza groaned sleepily, disturbed by his yelling. “Did you forget again…?”
“No!” King Piccolo snarled back suddenly, and became even more enraged at the sound of his wife softly giggling.
“You forgot about Bass…” She teased, and attempted to tickle King Piccolo’s cheek with her tail.
“Shut up!” King Piccolo snapped, fiercely smacking her tail away. “I don’t care – give me your mouth.”
“No.” Frikiza mumbled, burying her face in her pillow. “Use your hand.”
Frikiza…” King Piccolo hissed. No. No, he was not in the mood for her to disobey him! He was so horny even his antennae were standing on end – she was not going to disobey him! “I told you to give me your mouth.”
“And I told you no.” Frikiza argued.
“Dammit, stop disobeying me!” King Piccolo yelled, throwing his hand out to grab her jaw. “I am your master, and if you won’t submit willingly then I’m going to force you to – aggh!”

He cried out as Frikiza suddenly threw her tail at him and sent him hurling across the room, straight through the bedroom wall and into the bathroom, where he finally landed with a loud thud in the empty hot tub.
“I said no!” Frikiza yelled stubbornly from the bedroom. “And if you’re going to threaten to rape someone, at least be strong enough to do it you little weakling!”
“We… Weak…?” King Piccolo choked, his eyes widening in shock. He couldn’t believe she’d just said that… His body was shaking – he was literally shaking with rage! He was so angry he couldn’t even see. His vision blacked in and out and a purple hazy mist started to descend down from the tops of his eyes. How dare she… How dare she! “You bitch!” King Piccolo roared, his ki shooting up with such force it made cracks all over the bathroom walls. “You will pay for that! Are you listening to me, Frikiza? Those will be your final words!”
“Whatever.” Frikiza yawned. “Didn’t you say the same thing to Goku right before he kicked your ass?”


The entire mansion started shaking violently, and in his bedroom Piano awoke to the sound of an almighty scream. What was going on?
“Guys, I think there’s an earthquake!” Tambourine exclaimed to the rest of his family. Piano yawned. An earthquake…? Great. Well, what was that screaming?
“Who’s yelling?” Piano asked impatiently.
“It’s not an earthquake.” Cymbal’s voice answered. “King Piccolo’s getting his ass kicked.”
Piano and Tambourine both gasped, while Drum remained fast asleep in his bedroom.


The three awake mutants bolted down the corridor towards Frikiza and King Piccolo’s bedroom, only to be greeted by a cold draft.
“Whoa!” They all exclaimed, their eyes widening at the sight before them. The bedroom door no longer existed, and in its place was a giant hole with smoke coming out of the remaining wall, and there was a similar hole in the back wall of the bedroom, leading to outside. There were voices coming from inside the room, and the mutants peered in to find King Piccolo and Frikiza in the midst of a heated battle.
“Oh my God!” Piano gasped, watching as King Piccolo lay on the floor with a pregnant icejin on top of him, struggling desperately as she strangled him with her tail. “King Picc –”
“I wouldn’t intervene.” A voice interrupted him.

The mutants turned round to see Kuria sitting behind them, seemingly guarding the room opposite Frikiza and King Piccolo’s bedroom. It was Bass’ room. “If you do, she’ll kill you as well.” Kuria said.
“Isn’t that what you want?” Tambourine frowned.
“Yeah… but she’ll blame me for not stopping her.” Kuria replied, and winced as a sharp jolt of pain shot through her back. She still wasn’t completely healed… sitting in any position for too long really hurt her.
“What happened?” Cymbal asked.
“I don’t know how it started.” Kuria began. “But they were arguing, and your papa threw a shot at her, but it missed and went through the door.” She pointed at the large hole that once was Frikiza and King Piccolo’s bedroom door. “And it was going to destroy the nursery, but Mama managed to bounce it back to him…” She then pointed at the hole on the far end of her mother’s bedroom, which led to outside. “But she missed too. Then she called me and told me to guard Bass’ room while she killed him.” Kuria yawned. “I wish I’d pretended to be asleep… I can’t even see anything from here.”
“Is she really going to kill him…?” Tambourine sweat dropped.
“Hopefully.” Kuria replied with a smirk.
Aiii!” A demonic howl suddenly came from the bedroom, followed by the sound of cracking bones. “You stupid bitch! I can grow a new arm, you know!”
“Not while the old one’s still there you can’t.” Frikiza’s voice answered back. “You think I’m going to let you remove it?”

The mutants winced and cringed at the sound of their father being tortured by what was technically Frieza, and they looked at each other nervously.
“Well… I think we should help him.” Cymbal said.
“If we do that, she’ll kill us too.” Tambourine replied.
“I’m sure she’ll calm down eventually…” Piano sweat dropped.
“Haha!” Kuria giggled. “Don’t count on it. When Mama gets mad she turns psychotic – and now she’s pregnant too! She won’t calm down unless he apologises, and he’s not gonna do that, right?”
“Probably not…” Piano sighed. “So what should we do…?”
“Will she really kill him…?” Cymbal asked worriedly. “She loves him, right?”
What’s going on?”

The mutants and Kuria looked up to see Drum standing there in his pyjamas, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“Uh… it’s nothing.” Tambourine sweat dropped, stepping in front of Frikiza and King Piccolo’s bedroom. “Go back to bed.”
“Are they arguing…?” Drum mumbled, hearing the various screams and curse words that were coming from his parents’ bedroom.
“Oh, it’s just a little tiff.” Piano said, waving his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it – hey!” He cried out as Drum pushed past him and made his way into the room. “Drum! Stop –”

Piano, along with the other mutants froze on the spot as they watched Drum step into the bedroom. He stared at the scene in front of him, his eyes widening slightly… and then everyone fell silent. Everyone. Frikiza and King Piccolo had stopped arguing, and the sound of punching and breaking stopped, and the mutants knew that Drum had been spotted.
“Oh crap…” Cymbal whimpered. “Did they notice him?”
Drum!” Piano whispered fiercely from his safe place outside the bedroom. “Get back here!”
“Are you guys fighting…?” Drum asked King Piccolo and Frikiza, ignoring Piano completely.

King Piccolo and Frikiza were both obviously injured – King Piccolo significantly more than Frikiza. He was on the floor on his front, struggling underneath her as she sat on his back, pulling his arms. Her tail was jammed into King Piccolo’s mouth and he was trying in vain to spit it out. It was covered in bite marks from where he’d bitten it away, and King Piccolo’s face was covered in whip marks… so maybe that was why he wasn’t trying to bite it anymore. Frikiza loosened her grip on King Piccolo’s arms, and stared at Drum in horror.
“Drum…” She uttered softly. “What are you doing here…?”
“I came to see what all the noise was.” Drum answered. He looked at Frikiza, seemingly worried. “You shouldn’t fight in your condition… What if Bass gets a broken nose?”
“But I… I was being careful…” Frikiza mumbled, and Drum noticed she didn’t have a single injury on or around her midsection. Actually, she wasn’t really injured anywhere except her tail… King Piccolo looked a mess though. “But, Drum… did we wake you?” Frikiza whimpered.

She moved her eyes to the other mutants, and seemed to notice them for the first time. “Did we?”
“Well… yeah. A little.” Tambourine admitted.
“Oh – but don’t worry about it!” Piano answered hurriedly, holding his hands up in the hope that Frikiza wouldn’t turn psychotic on them. “It’s your house, do what you want!”
“Yeah, we… we didn’t come to stop you.” Cymbal said, not at all convincingly.
“Boys…” Frikiza choked. Her eyes started glistening, and she pulled her tail out of King Piccolo’s mouth, allowing him to cough and splutter before glaring up at her.
“You repulsive little –”
“I’m so sorry!” Frikiza wailed, cutting King Piccolo off. She raced over to Drum, causing King Piccolo to yelp and snarl as she stood on his head and sent it slamming into the floor.

Frikiza threw her arms around Drum and started sobbing against him, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you… I’m a terrible mother!”
“I could have told you that.” Kuria pouted. “Mama, my back still hurts –”
You deserved that!” Frikiza hissed, glaring at Kuria so fiercely the girl immediately backed down.

Frikiza sniffed, and went back to hugging Drum. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” She whimpered. “I never thought about you guys…” She looked over at the other mutants, her eyes filled with tears. “Please – tell me how I can make it up to you.”
“What…?” Tambourine blinked, baffled by Frikiza’s sudden change of mood. “Is this a pregnancy thing?” He asked his brothers.
“Who cares? Just say something nice before she blows the roof off.” Cymbal replied, and smiled at Frikiza. “Mom, it’s okay – you’re not a bad mother. Who cares if we woke up? We can always sleep tomorrow, and we’re the ones who decided to get out of bed, right?”
“Yes, we could have gone back to sleep. We just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Piano nodded. “But don’t worry – it’s no problem. How many times has Cymbal woken us all in the past month?”
“Yeah, and we all had to wake him up and get him to go to his room.” Tambourine said. “He’s been way more of a burden than you guys.”
“I already said I was sorry for that!” Cymbal yelled into Tambourine’s face. “I was going through something, be more understanding!”
“You handled it like a loser. That’s why Strawberry dumped you.” Piano sniped, and Cymbal glared at him.

Frikiza sniffed, and wiped her eyes.
“You guys… you don’t think I’m a bad mother?” She whimpered.
“No!” The mutants all answered.
“You’re a great mother!” Cymbal insisted. “Right?” He nudged Kuria harshly, causing her to wince in pain.
“Fine!” Kuria growled at him. She looked at Frikiza, and sighed. “Mama, you had me sitting here guarding your son’s nursery, when his papa was willing to destroy it.” Kuria shot King Piccolo a nasty glare, and moved her eyes back to Frikiza. “So… I guess that’s a good thing to do.”
“Yeah.” Drum grinned at Frikiza, looking down at her untouched stomach. “And you had that big fight with King Piccolo, and Bass isn’t hurt at all.”
“Well… I wouldn’t have fought at all if I’d though Bass would have been hurt…” Frikiza uttered, placing her arms around her stomach protectively and smiling slightly as she felt her baby kicking.
“See!” Tambourine beamed. “You’re a good mother.”
“Yeah!” His siblings all nodded.
“Really…?” Frikiza smiled.

She started to blush slightly as something occurred to her, and she looked at Cymbal. “Cymbal… you called me ‘Mom’… do you guys really think of me as your mother?” Frikiza questioned.
“Huh? Oh…” Cymbal blinked, not realising he’d said that. “Uh… yeah, I guess. I mean… you’re like a mother to me.” He looked at his brothers. “Guys?”
“Of course we think of you as our mother.” Piano smiled. “Frikiza, we…” His cheeks darkened a little. “We love you.”
“Yeah!” The other mutants nodded, while Drum hugged Frikiza fondly.

Frikiza’s entire face lit up, her eyes sparkling in delight as a new wave of happy tears spilt from them.
“Oh – Boys!” She exclaimed, wiping her eyes. “I love you too!” She hugged Drum tightly and kissed his cheek, then stretched her arm out to the other mutants. “Come here!”
“Yeah!” the mutants grinned, and threw themselves towards Frikiza.

Meanwhile, as he watched his children gather around Frikiza in what seemed to be selling itself as a heart-warming and touching scene, King Piccolo began shaking with rage. This was unbelievable… How dare they take her side! How dare they!
Enough!” He screamed so loudly his voice sent the mutants flying back against the bedroom wall, and they cried out in pain as the heavy impact took them all by surprise. King Piccolo leapt to his feet and glared at Frikiza, his breathing a heavy snarl and his shoulders heaving up and down with each fierce, animalistic breath. “You may be a good mother, Lizard Lips, but you are a terrible wife!” He grabbed hold of his broken arm and yanked it off, causing Kuria’s eyes to widen.
“Papa!” She gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth as King Piccolo carelessly threw the detached limb outside.
I’m not your papa!” King Piccolo screamed at her, and Kuria’s eyes widened even more as another arm suddenly sprouted out of his shoulder. She had no idea he could do that… “Your papa is a bleeding heart sap that’s living in another universe – where you should be, actually!” King Piccolo roared, and once again directed his anger at Frikiza. “Might I remind you that I am the reason you are still alive, you frosty little ingrate. Without me you wouldn’t be pregnant – you wouldn’t even exist anymore! You would be a mere corpse in your own universe, where your family would have tracked you down and killed you for being a useless traitor!”
“Is that so…?” Frikiza hissed, and the mutants steadily started backing away from her as they sensed her anger growing.
“King Piccolo… shut up!” Piano thought to himself alone, too terrified of his master to actually dare to say the words to him.
“I have been more than patient with you for the past few months, and you should know by now that I do not do patience!” King Piccolo snarled. “But I’ve been kind enough to pick out bedding and cribs and toys and whatever other crap you want for my child, and I’ve been kind enough to deal with your mood swings and your gross body and all the other crap you’ve thrown at me…”
“King Piccolo, shut up!” Tambourine thought, also too terrified to actually say it to his master.
“And I have asked for nothing in return…” King Piccolo hissed, his eyes burning with rage as he stared at Frikiza, who was growing angrier by the second.

The mutants started to whimper slightly as they tried to decide which of their parents would snap first, and where the hell they were supposed to hide. They started edging towards the hole that led outside, deciding that it would be their quickest and safest escape route. “But…” King Piccolo continued fiercely. “If I wake up with a rager in the middle of the night, I expect you to deal with it!”
Aii!” Piano, Tambourine and Cymbal cried out as King Piccolo’s ki suddenly exploded, with such force it caused the entire mansion to shake. A large rumbling sound surrounded them as cracks started to form in the bedroom walls and pieces of the already damaged bedroom ceiling started to fall down.
“What’s a rager…?” Drum questioned, unfazed by the collapsing ceiling or the shaking mansion.
“Gross…” Kuria gagged. “Mama, shut him up.”
“Of course, my little chestnut.” Frikiza replied overly fondly, her anger at King Piccolo fuelling her affection for the one person he absolutely hated living here.
“Ha!” King Piccolo snorted at Frikiza. “Shut me up? You couldn’t shut me up if your life depended on it, you little –” Thud. Frikiza smacked her tail into King Piccolo’s head, knocking him out cold. The mansion immediately stopped shaking, and the ceiling stopped collapsing. King Piccolo’s unconscious body stayed upright for a few seconds, then it fell to the ground with a loud thud that made the floor tremble once more, and his ki reduced to almost nothing.

Frikiza turned to her children and looked at them apologetically.
“I’m sorry about this.” She sighed. “You guys shouldn’t have to see this.”
“It’s fine…” The mutants sweat dropped, staring at their unconscious master while Kuria simply looked at him in disgust.
“What are you going to do with him?” Cymbal questioned.
“Well… he was the one that made that hole, and I can’t get it fixed until morning.” Frikiza began. She made her way over to King Piccolo and started to lift him up, when she thought twice about it. “Drum?” Frikiza looked over at the youngest mutant. “Can you give me a hand?”
“Uh… sure.” Drum answered. He approached Frikiza and helped her lift the 441lb demon off the ground.
“Thanks. I shouldn’t lift heavy stuff in my condition.” Frikiza smiled. Drum simply nodded and followed Frikiza’s lead, taking most of the weight as they carried the unconscious King Piccolo over to the hole that led outside. “Okay, just throw him up…” Frikiza said, and she and Drum positioned King Piccolo over the hole, covering it completely. Frikiza threw a few ki rings around King Piccolo to hold him in place, and took a step back. “There!” She beamed, admiring her work. She smiled gratefully at Drum. “Thanks. That’s much less drafty.”
“What if he wakes up…?” Tambourine questioned.
“Don’t worry, I’ll let him down tomorrow.” Frikiza replied. “I’m not that mean.”
“Oh… yeah. I guess.” Tambourine sweat dropped.

Drum stared up at his master curiously. He knew it was probably time to go back to bed, but he just had one question he really wanted an answer to. He looked at Frikiza and asked,
“What’s a rager?”
“Uh…” Everyone in the room sweat dropped.
“It’s… something you don’t have to worry about right now.” Frikiza awkwardly replied, and put her arm around Drum. “Go back to bed, Sweetheart.”
“K…” Drum mumbled, somewhat disappointed that nobody was answering him.

Chapter Text

It was early in the morning, a few hours after his argument with Frikiza, and King Piccolo awoke to a cold breeze on his back. Hm… That was unusual. Why did his back feel colder than his front? Not that the cold bothered him… but he didn’t usually wake up like this. What the hell…? King Piccolo frowned slightly as his eyes came into focus. He wasn’t in bed. He was upright, and facing… was that a hole in the wall? Why could he see Bass’ nursery? Where the hell was his bedroom door?
“Frikiza…?” King Piccolo mumbled, and as soon as he heard his own voice speak her name it all came flooding back to him. “Frikiza!” He roared, suddenly filled with all the rage he’d felt last night. He turned his head towards the bed and glared angrily at the icejin that lay in it. She was awake, and looking straight at him. She was smirking… She was smirking! Did she find this amusing? How dare she! “Don’t look at me like that!” King Piccolo bellowed. “Get me down now!”
“That’s all you have to say?” Frikiza growled back. “After you nearly destroyed our baby’s room?”
“Don’t blame that on me!” King Piccolo barked. “You were the target!”
“I’m pregnant!” Frikiza yelled.
“Yes, that’s precisely my problem!” King Piccolo snapped. “You don’t mind having a parasite inside you.”
“Don’t be so disgusting.” Frikiza snarled.

She climbed out of bed and made her way over to him, and stared up at the demon king with her arms folded and an angry look on her face, her tail waving slowly behind her. “If you start that again, you’re not coming down.” Frikiza hissed.
“You won’t keep me up here.” King Piccolo spat. “You’re too soft.”
“Really?” Frikiza retorted. “Fine then. I’ll prove it. I’m taking a bath, and then I’m having breakfast, and then I’m going shopping.” Her eyes twinkled as she looked at him with a nasty smirk. “And you can stay there until I get back.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” King Piccolo snorted. “Darling. I spent three hundred years trapped in a rice cooker – do you really think a couple of hours here is going to matter to me?”
“Oh… good idea.” Frikiza gasped, her eyes widening as a thought occurred to her. “Pickle… you’re a genius!”

King Piccolo flinched, and watched in confusion as Frikiza bolted out of the room. What the hell…? Where was she going? What was she doing? She couldn’t just walk out and leave him here, with no explanation! How dare she! He wanted her to explain herself now – … what? King Piccolo stared in bewilderment as Frikiza returned in no time at all, and stood in front of him with her hands behind her back. She was smirking again… Actually, she looked very pleased with herself. What was she hiding…? “I figured I couldn’t get the wall repaired until I released you,” Frikiza began. “But you just made me realise – I can fix the wall and still keep you trapped.”
“What…?” King Piccolo asked cautiously. What was she…? … No…

His eyes slowly widened as a terrifying thought suddenly occurred to him. No… No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t dare –
Eee!” King Piccolo screamed at the top of his lungs at the sight of his second biggest enemy, a rice cooker. “Frikiza!” He wailed, thrashing wildly against his ki restraints. “What the hell is the matter with you! Get that thing away from me!” He tried his best to break out of his restraints but it was no use; he couldn’t move at all. He couldn’t even break down the wall. Dammit! She’d protected it with her ki! “No!” King Piccolo shrieked as Frikiza took a step towards him, holding up the rice cooker up with a wicked grin on her face. “You wouldn’t dare! You know you wouldn’t!” King Piccolo snarled, glaring down at her.
“Of course I would.” Frikiza giggled. “I’ve trapped you before, right?”
“You promised you would never do that again!” King Piccolo yelled.
“Well… I’m an icejin.” Frikiza shrugged. “We aren’t trustworthy.”
“Don’t!” King Piccolo snapped. “Don’t you dare!”
“I won’t…” Frikiza began. “So long as you apologise to me, and to Bass.”
“To Bass?” King Piccolo choked in disbelief. What? Did she really want him to talk to that unborn thing in her stomach? She was a maniac! “Are you nuts!” King Piccolo cried. “I’m not talking to a foetus!”
“Fine.” Frikiza shrugged.

She took a step back, and started to channel her energy into a demon-sealing attack. “Evil containment –”
“Okay okay!” King Piccolo shrieked, his antennae standing on end at the thought of spending just one second in that jar. “Fine! I’m sorry, Frikiza!”
“What for?” Frikiza smirked.
“I have no idea what for!” King Piccolo yelled back. “Think of something yourself, as far as I’m concerned you’re the one that should be apologising!”
“What, for not being your sex slave whenever you want?” Frikiza hissed.
Yes.” King Piccolo snarled back, narrowing his eyes at her. “Our relationship has always been based on sex – you know that! It’s not my fault you changed the rules without asking – you should have consulted me first.”
“It’s not my fault I got pregnant!” Frikiza protested.
“I didn’t know you could get pregnant!” King Piccolo argued.
“Neither did I!” Frikiza yelled back.
“How the hell is that not your fault!” King Piccolo screamed. “You’re supposed to know about this stuff, you’ve had a baby before!”
“That was with an icejin – I thought I was safe with you!” Frikiza argued. “Anyway – I’m glad I’m pregnant, and I love our child and I’m glad he’s coming, and you should be too!”
“Tch.” King Piccolo snorted, looking away. “Whatever. I’ll just be glad when he’s out.”
“That’s more like it!” Frikiza beamed, her face lighting up in delight. “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”

King Piccolo simply gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in annoyance. The bitch… She was trying to irritate him. She’d deliberately misinterpreted his words just to spite him. The bitch! “Now…” Frikiza looked at King Piccolo. “Are you going to apologise for almost destroying his room?”
“You know, I wasn’t the only one fighting.” King Piccolo sniped. “Don’t you think you owe him an apology as well?”
“Of course.” Frikiza nodded. “I spent all of last night apologising. I feel terrible about it…”
“Of course you do…” King Piccolo groaned, amazed that she had actually apologised to an egg. It wasn’t a person! It was a parasite living in her stomach – what the hell was wrong with her?
“Well?” Frikiza huffed. “He’s waiting.”
“Don’t be absurd.” King Piccolo spat. “I’m not talking to your stomach!”
“It’s your baby!” Frikiza insisted.
“No it’s not, it’s your parasite.” King Piccolo argued. “And it won’t be my baby until it’s born!”
“Piccolo…” Frikiza hissed. “I won’t ask you again.”
“Good.” King Piccolo snorted. “That saves me having to say ‘no’.”
“Evil containment –”
Okay!” King Piccolo screamed, his body suddenly filled with dread as Frikiza started to trap him in the rice cooker.

He panted frantically as he stared down at Frikiza. She’d stopped the attack… for now. She was still in position though, and she still had the rice cooker ready… Dammit. She really would do it, wouldn’t she? Unless King Piccolo apologised to Bass, Frikiza would seal him away for God knows how long… She was a maniac! She was insane – this entire situation was absolutely ludicrous! … But he had no choice. It sickened King Piccolo to think about it, but he had to apologise to… that egg. It was absurd. Not just absurd – it was humiliating! To think that he, the Demon King Piccolo had to talk to an unborn child – and apologise to it, as if it gave a crap about what happened to its room! … But… he didn’t have to mean it, did he? How would Frikiza know? All she wanted was to hear the words – how would she know whether or not King Piccolo meant them? He could sound sincere, after all. Frikiza would have no idea that he thought every word he spoke was utter bullcrap. Actually, now that King Piccolo thought about it, this could just be another way to mock her. It could actually be quite amusing. He could use this as a way to mock Frikiza, and her naivety, and her stupidity and her ridiculous pregnancy hormones and her pathetic pregnancy emotions. Ha!

King Piccolo let out a fake reluctant sigh and looked down at Frikiza’s stomach, trying his best to hold back a smirk as he thought about how much he didn’t mean his words. “Bass…” He uttered sincerely. “I’m sorry, Son. Mama and Papa didn’t mean to argue around you… and I’m sorry we almost destroyed your room.” He smiled, just for effect. “As soon as you’re born, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” Hm. How was that? That sounded pretty good, right? Was that apologetic enough? King Piccolo moved his eyes up to Frikiza’s face to see her response, and he had to use all the willpower in his body to stop himself laughing. Oh… that was priceless. Look at her… She was touched! She was smiling so brightly, and her eyes were glistening – he couldn’t believe she’d actually bought that crap! Didn’t she know him at all? She was even crying! She really was the most pathetic creature King Piccolo had ever known. Ha!
“Pickle…” Frikiza uttered. “That was adorable… Thank you.”

She set the rice cooker down, and flew up to King Piccolo’s level. King Piccolo held back a smirk as Frikiza planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him, her entire body warm with affection. So warm that King Piccolo could feel the heat coming off her. Pathetic…
“Don’t mention it.” King Piccolo almost sniggered. “Now. Release me?”
“Sure.” Frikiza nodded, and as requested she removed his ki restraints.
“Thank you.” King Piccolo uttered. “Now…”

He lowered himself to the ground, and glared fiercely at the rice cooker. “You can go to hell!”
“Piccolo!” Frikiza cried as he proceeded to blow up the rice cooker. “We use that, you know!”
“That isn’t the only way to cook rice.” King Piccolo growled. “Tell the chefs to find another way.”
“Fine…” Frikiza sighed, surrendering. “Whatever. Let’s go get some breakfast.”
“Sure.” King Piccolo replied, and looked down at her. Hm… She was cute, wasn’t she? She was so delightfully innocent and naïve… Dammit. He’d wanted to keep his little act of betrayal a secret from her, like his own little private joke… but that face of hers. Those adorable wide eyes and those innocent little cheeks… King Piccolo couldn’t resist the urge to destroy them.

Frikiza stared back up at the demon king, and she frowned in confusion as a wide, wicked grin spread across King Piccolo’s face and his eyes started glowing demonically. What was his problem…?
“What?” Frikiza demanded.
“You know that crap I just said?” King Piccolo sneered. “I didn’t mean any of it. I was just mocking you.” He leant forward and planted a kiss on Frikiza’s cheek, as softly as she had kissed him. “Sorry, Icicle.”

King Piccolo sniggered to himself nastily, and made his way out of the bedroom in triumph. Haha! Yes! That was brilliant! Oh, that look on Frikiza’s face had been priceless! King Piccolo grinned widely to himself as he recalled it, burning it into his memory for him to look at again and again. It had been such a delicious look of hurt and disappointment and betrayal… She’d looked like she was about to cry! Like everything she knew about the world, like everything she’d ever believed in had been destroyed! Ha! Well it served her right, the little bitch! Maybe next time she would think before she threatened the mighty Demon King Picc – “Aii!” King Piccolo screamed as he felt a heavy thud against his back and an intense white pain suddenly flooded his skull.
“You bastard!” Frikiza snarled from her position on his shoulders, glaring down at King Piccolo as she pulled his antennae.
“F… Frikiza!” King Piccolo cried, his eyes scrunching shut in pain. Dammit! He should have known that she would do something like this! She couldn’t imprison him anymore so she would make his life in the outside world a living hell! The bitch! “Get off me!” King Piccolo roared.
“Sure.” Frikiza hissed, and to King Piccolo’s surprise she released his antennae.

King Piccolo let out a gasp, and grunted, rubbing his throbbing antennae to soothe the pain. Hm… That was unexpected. Why had she released him so willingly? Was she planning another attack…? But why? Why release his antennae, when they were the most effective way to hurt him…? … Hm. Maybe her pregnancy hormones had worn off… Maybe, after all this, time she had finally come to her senses. … Hmph. Well. Good. It was about time!
“That’s better – arrgh!” King Piccolo howled in pain as Frikiza threw the full weight of her tail at him, and landed it between his legs.


King Piccolo tapped his foot against the floor in annoyance as he sat at the breakfast table, trying in vain to block out the sound of his mutant children’s loud munching and slurping, while the contents of his underwear and his antennae still throbbed in pain. This was unacceptable… He was already in a bad mood, and he was in physical agony, and now he had to listen to these four freaks eat like a bunch of animals. He was not going to tolerate this!
Silence!” King Piccolo roared, his voice bellowing so loudly the entire table shook. King Piccolo glared angrily at the mutants and snarled, “What is wrong with you? Eat properly!”
“Huh?” The mutants blinked, looking at their master in bewilderment.
“But King Piccolo, this is how we always eat.” Drum said.
“Yeah.” The other mutants nodded, baffled as to why their eating habits were suddenly a problem.
Hmph.” Kuria grunted, looking at the mutants in disgust. “And you wonder why you can’t get girlfriends.”
“I had a girlfriend.” Cymbal argued.
“You couldn’t keep her.” Kuria sniped.
“That wasn’t because of how he eats.” Drum replied. “It’s because he wasn’t as good as that other guy.”
“Shut up!” Cymbal barked, and smacked Drum across the head while Kuria started giggling.

King Piccolo moved his eyes to Kuria, who had suddenly become the new source of his frustration.
“Are you well enough to go home yet?” He snarled impatiently. He was well and truly sick of the sight of her. As if having one disobedient icejin woman around here wasn’t bad enough! Kuria was vile!
“Mama said I can stay here as long as I want.” Kuria huffed.
“What?” King Piccolo barked, turning on Frikiza. “Why did you tell her that!”
“Huh…?” Frikiza mumbled, seemingly not listening. King Piccolo glared at Frikiza, enraged. How dare she not listen to him! What was she doing anyway? She had her arms around her midsection, wincing as if she were in pain…
“Frikiza, are you alright?” Piano asked, concerned.
“Yeah…” Frikiza replied. “I think Bass is… ow!” She hissed, her fingers curling as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. “I think he’s having a growth spurt… it feels like my uterus is stretching.”
“Ugh! Why would you say that, Frikiza?” King Piccolo barked. “That’s disgusting!”
“Pickle… do you think he’s any bigger?” Frikiza questioned, standing up.

She turned to the side and pulled her shirt back to tighten it across her stomach. It was King Piccolo’s shirt… Frikiza always used to look so sexy when she wore it, but these days she used it as maternity pyjamas because she was too fat and gross to feel comfortable in her own clothes – even though they stretched! That was how fat and disgusting she was, even stretchy clothes weren’t good enough for her. Tch. It was ridiculous. King Piccolo used to love seeing Frikiza in his shirt, but since she’d started showing she’d taken all the sexiness out of it – and now she was emphasising that by pulling it over her disgusting lump! “He looks bigger than yesterday, right?” Frikiza asked innocently, drawing everyone’s attention to her unborn child.
“Maybe you just ate too much.” King Piccolo snorted bitterly.
“I hardly ate anything!” Frikiza barked, and King Piccolo moved his eyes to her plate. Actually… She was right. She had barely touched her breakfast – she must have had two mouthfuls at the most.
“Are you sure it’s okay to leave that much? Isn’t Bass hungry?” Tambourine questioned, looking at the uneaten food.
“Well… I was hungry before, but now I’m not.” Frikiza shrugged.
“Good.” King Piccolo grinned, and hungrily swiped her leftovers before any of the mutants could grab it, and they all seemed a little disappointed when he got there first.
“Frikiza… he does look bigger than yesterday.” Cymbal said, returning to Frikiza’s bump.
“But that’s normal, right?” Piano uttered. “Didn’t you say it was a growth spurt?”
“Yeah, but… it’s not supposed to be noticeable.” Frikiza answered. “Not in a day.”
“Yeah well, it is. Now put it away!” King Piccolo barked. “I don’t want that thing in my face while I’m eating!”
“That’s your baby you’re talking about!” Kuria argued.
“Who asked you!” King Piccolo snarled back, glaring at her. “Frikiza, shut her up before I kill her!”
“You couldn’t kill her.” Frikiza sniped, annoyed by his lack of empathy. “You’re far too weak.”
How dare you!”
“Ugh…” The mutants groaned exhaustedly as King Piccolo’s ki once again skyrocketed.
“This is getting ridiculous.” Tambourine frowned. “All you guys do these days is argue.”
“King Piccolo… do you have to be so aggressive?” Piano pleaded. “Frikiza is pregnant. You shouldn’t be so hard on her.”
“Wh-What?” King Piccolo choked, his eyes widening in disbelief. Was he… was he serious? Was Piano actually suggesting that Frikiza was the victim here? Of course she wasn’t the victim! He was! Him, King Piccolo! Piano’s master! The one that had created Piano! He’d given Piano life, and a home, and food… and was this really the thanks he got? Seriously? After all King Piccolo had done for those four sorry, pathetic beings were they once again taking Frikiza’s side? That was bullshit! “Fuck you…” King Piccolo seethed through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with rage. “Fuck all of you!”

The mutants screamed as King Piccolo let out a wild surge of energy, blowing the breakfast table away and turning it to mere dust before it got a chance to hit the crumbling palace walls. The mutants huddled together in fear as their master glared down at them with a cold, demonic ferocity in his glowing yellow eyes.
“You all love Frikiza so much, don’t you?” King Piccolo snarled down at his children. “She’s your saviour, the gentle-hearted mommy you never had… Well fine! If Frikiza’s what you want, then you pathetic bleeding-heart saps are welcome to her! But…” The mutants let out a squeal, trembling under King Piccolo’s cold, demonic stare as he glared at them with a kind of anger they’d never seen before. “When you get bored of living like a bunch of charity cases, don’t come crying to me!”

King Piccolo let out a loud, animalistic snarl and bolted out of the mansion, creating a giant hole in the wall as he charged through it. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from those good-for-nothing, treacherous little freaks that had the audacity to call themselves his children. He had to get away from that spoilt little icejin brat that had absolutely no respect for her superiors, and most of all… he had to get away from Frikiza! Stupid pregnant Frikiza, that could do no wrong and had everyone in the palace wrapped around her two-faced little finger. Well, not him! Not King Piccolo! He wasn’t falling for any of her bullshit! He wasn’t going to give in to her every command just because she was pregnant. He wasn’t going to be her slave – she was supposed to be his! But he wouldn’t want her now anyway, not in that condition. He didn’t even want her mouth, not with all the crap that came out of it. He didn’t need her. He didn’t need any of them! … He needed a drink. King Piccolo turned towards the city, and headed for his favourite bar, knowing full well that every drop he drank would make Frikiza more annoyed. Hahaha! Take that, fat bitch!

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the mutants were still shaking as they stared at the giant hole King Piccolo had made in the wall.
“He’s really mad at us…” Cymbal whimpered.
“Good going, Piano!” Tambourine snarled. “He thinks we’re taking sides because of you!”
“That wasn’t what I meant…” Piano uttered, his eyes wide with fright. “I… I just meant… you know – she’s pregnant, and… Oh, what are we going to do?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Frikiza growled, slamming her tail into the ground in annoyance. Great. Now she had to get that wall fixed as well. Why didn’t she just destroy the whole mansion while she was at it and build a new one someplace else? Preferably in the shape of a giant rice cooker, to keep the bastard contained. “If he does anything stupid, Junior’ll beat the crap out of him and bring him back here.” She exhaled sharply. “And then I’ll beat the crap out of him.”
“I think that’s part of the problem…” Cymbal sweat dropped. “Don’t you guys ever think of talking it out –”
“Ow!” Frikiza winced, suddenly in pain. She let out a sharp gasp and crouched down, clutching her midsection.
“Mama, are you okay?” Kuria asked, concerned.
“Yeah…” Frikiza nodded as the pain subsided. She felt Bass kick against her hand, and smiled a little. “I guess namek pregnancies are just a little more aggressive.”
“Well, he is half demon…” Piano sweat dropped.


“Ow! Papa, he hit me!”
“He started it!”
“I want some chocolate!”
“I want to watch TV!”
“I want to go outside!”
“Papa Papa Papa I want I want Papa!” Back in Hell, Cell sat almost in a trance, half-listening to the bratty bickering, whining and demanding from his out of control children.
“Kids… come on…” Cell answered weakly. “Finish your breakfast… and brush your teeth…”
No!” All the Cell Juniors wailed, with the exception of Number Seven.
“We don’t want to brush our teeth!” One of them yelled, stamping his feet stubbornly.
“And this breakfast sucks!” Another Junior huffed, and threw his plate against the wall.
“Hey!” Dodoria barked. “Kids, that’s no way to behave –” He was suddenly cut off by one of them shooting a ki blast straight into his face.
“Hahaha!” The Cell Juniors laughed tauntingly. “Shut up, Fatso!”
“Kids!” Cell snapped, glaring at the children. “Dodoria is an adult, you’d better show him respect!”
“Or what?” The Juniors pouted.
“Or I’ll kill you!” Cell barked, his ki soaring at their insolence.

He advanced on his children, his eyes burning with such anger it caused the Juniors to scream and jump away.
“Sorry, Papa!” They wailed, with fear in their eyes. “We didn’t mean it!”
“Please don’t hurt us!”
“Huh?” Cell blinked, shocked by their reaction. Wow. They looked terrified. Well… they weren’t used to Cell getting so angry with them. Normally it was Frieza that scolded them, and Cell was the soft one… He looked at his children and watched as they trembled and whimpered… and he suddenly felt heartbroken. “It’s okay.” Cell spoke softly. “Come here.” He knelt down and opened his arms out to the boys, who cautiously approached him. Cell wrapped his arms around the children and hugged them, letting out a sigh. “You just miss Frieza, don’t you?”
“Uh-huh.” The Cell Juniors all nodded.
“I told you that’s why they’re acting out.” Dodoria said, putting an ice pack on his badly burnt face. “They really looked up to him, you know.”
“I know.” Cell growled, glaring at Dodoria. Like he needed to be told that! The fat idiot. Cell moved his eyes back down to his children. “Go on, go brush your teeth. Then I’ll take you to the amusement park, okay?”
“Okay!” The Cell Juniors grinned excitedly, and left the room.

Cell let out a sigh, and closed his eyes. Great. The amusement park. This would be another exhausting day that Cell would end up regretting in the first two hours… but the only way he could stop the kids fighting and screaming was to give them treats all the time. That was bad parenting, right…? And Cell was sure it was only making their behaviour worse, but he didn’t know how else to handle them. He missed Frieza… Frieza would keep the kids in line, and give Cell a much needed break. Things just weren’t the same around here without him… Hm? Cell opened his eyes at the sound of footsteps, only to see Zarbon dressed up and heading for the door.
“Where are you going?” Cell demanded.
“Out.” Zarbon answered.
“Out where?”
“None of your business.” Zarbon pouted.
“Oh yeah?” Cell snarled, glaring at him. The insolent little slut… He was going on another date. “Who are you meeting?”
“Just someone.” Zarbon replied with a smirk. “Nobody you know.”
“You know… If Frieza finds out you’re screwing another rich emperor, he’ll kill the both of you.” Cell said coldly.
“Yeah well, Frieza’s not here anymore.” Zarbon huffed. “And are you going to treat me like a prince?”
“No.” Cell smirked. “I’m going to treat you like you deserve, you little gold-digging whore. Like dirt.” He snorted. “I never liked you, Zarbon. I was only nice to you because of Frieza.”
“Bite me!” Zarbon barked.
“Sure, Pretty Boy.” Cell purred. “So long as you wash when you come home – I don’t want to be handling some thick-skulled millionaire’s sloppy seconds.”
“He’s a billionaire, and fuck you!” Zarbon yelled. “Don’t wait up for me!” He stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Cell snorted arrogantly. Whatever. He didn’t care if Zarbon was fucking some other guy; Zarbon never really did it for Cell anyway. He had no idea why Frieza insisted on keeping that nancy boy around. Sure he was pretty, but there were plenty of women down here who were prettier, and they’d be less maintenance. Hmph. Cell let out another sigh. Things were so different without Frieza though… He’d only been going for a couple of weeks, but Zarbon was already off with some other guy, and the kids were really acting up. They were always fighting and bickering and demanding stuff… They were even worse than before! If they’d only gone back to their old amount of misbehaviour then maybe Cell could cope! But… Maybe Cell could get them under control. Frieza always could, right? And Cell was stronger than Frieza. They’d gone to brush their teeth pretty easier, after all – and that was all Cell’s doing. Maybe they didn’t need Frieza around to behave –
Arrrrgh! Ahahahaha!”

Cell groaned at the sound of the Cell Juniors causing mayhem in the bathroom. Crap. He’d spoken to soon…
Ow!” One of the Juniors screamed. “Papa!”
“Give that back!”
“Stupid idiot!”
Papa!” The sound of their screams almost drove Cell into a frenzy. Why… Why couldn’t they just be good? Why couldn’t they just…
Shut up!” Cell roared, leaping to his feet. Okay, that was it! He couldn’t take it anymore! He had to get Frieza back! “Dodoria!” Cell barked at his housemate. “Watch the kids!”
“What! But –” Dodoria didn’t get chance to speak another word before Cell bolted out of the house.


Back on Earth, in a hotel bar, the bartender looked up at the cold feeling of an evil presence in the building. It was an angry presence, full of darkness and danger, threatening to squeeze the life from anyone that dared to speak to it…
“Hey King Piccolo!” The bartender grinned cheerfully, completely unfazed by the ferocity of the demon king.
“Hi Alex.” King Piccolo grunted as he stepped further into the bar.
“Yeah…” King Piccolo moved his eyes to his usual seat at the bar, and exhaled loudly when he saw someone sitting in it. The bastard…
“Oh, uh… Sorry, Sir. Would you mind sitting over there?” Alex said to the man in King Piccolo’s seat, and pointed to an unoccupied booth.
“What?” The man frowned. “But I’m sitting here!”
“Yeah, that’s the problem.” Alex replied. “That’s King Piccolo’s seat. I wasn’t expecting him today otherwise I would have said so earlier.”
“Young Man, this is a bar seat, to be used by guests staying in the hotel.” The man answered arrogantly. “And I’m not moving.”
“I’d recommend you do.” Alex said.
“And I’d recommend you drop it, otherwise I’ll be speaking to the manager.” The man huffed.

Alex looked worried, and moved his eyes to the giant namek that was now standing behind the hotel guest.
“Sorry. He won’t move.” Alex said. “Do you want me to turn the cameras off?”
“No.” King Piccolo replied coldly. “I don’t care who sees this.” He glared down at the man in his seat menacingly and snarled, “Listen to me, you piece of dirt. I am not having a good day, and I’m looking for someone to kill…” He leaned closer to the man, his fingers curling sinisterly and his claws itching to sink themselves into the man’s flesh and rip him apart. “So I suggest you do what the kid says, otherwise this will be your last day on Earth. Now…” King Piccolo breathed, his hot breath burning against the back of the man’s neck as he spoke. “Move.”
“I will do no such thing! I’m a paying guest in this hotel, you little –” The man turned to face King Piccolo, but as soon as he set eyes on the demon king he immediately lost his nerve. “… Um…” He whimpered, staring up at the evil-looking monster that was now standing upright and glaring down at him like something that had just risen from Hell. The creature was almost twice his height and definitely twice his weight, and it looked ready to kill. “… Never mind.” The man uttered quietly. He moved a couple of seats down the bar, and looked at King Piccolo questioningly. “Is this okay for you?”
“This is my bar.” King Piccolo growled.
“Understood!” The man yelped, and darted into a booth.

King Piccolo took a seat at the bar, and grunted.
“Hmph. You know, I was looking forward to killing him.” He said in disappointment. “That’s the downside of being a superior being… everybody obeys you, so you have no reason to punish them.”
“It’s hard at the top, huh…?” Alex replied, looking at King Piccolo with sympathy.
“Yep.” King Piccolo nodded, calming down a little. Huh. He liked Alex. Alex was a good kid. Alex got him. … Even if he was slightly brain-dead. Well… he was only a human. “Give me a drink.” King Piccolo ordered impatiently, and immediately decided that he would rip off Alex’s head if he didn’t present him with a bottle of Demon Juice in exactly five sec –

Thud. Alex grinned at King Piccolo as he placed the heavy bottle in front of the demon king.
“Do you want a glass?” Alex offered.
“Nope.” King Piccolo answered, and proceeded to take a large swig straight from the bottle.
“Oh, no…” Alex sighed, watching King Piccolo’s keenness to get hammered, and the cold, aggressive way he was sitting. This was bad. King Piccolo looked like he was in a really bad mood. What, had he had another argument with his wife again? Dammit… he was gonna be out of control. Alex would probably have to close the bar early, to protect the other hotel guests, and then he’d have to talk himself out of being fired again… “Just – can you please not destroy anything this time? It comes out of my wages!” Alex begged.
“So?” King Piccolo grunted. “That’s not my problem.”
“Excuse me,” A voice came from beside him, and Alex’s face went pale as yet another hotel guest came into King Piccolo’s space.
“What!” Alex gasped desperately. “What do you want?”
“Give me a shot of that Demon Juice.” The hotel guest said, pointing at another bottle of King Piccolo’s drink that was still on the shelf.
“It’s not for sale!” Alex insisted.
“So why is it on display?” The guest argued.
“Well… because normally it is on sale, but now King Piccolo’s here, and that’s his favourite drink.” Alex explained. “So it’s not for sale anymore.”
“What!” The guest frowned. “That’s ridiculous! You can’t give other customers preferential treatment! I’m a paying guest in this hotel and I demand service –”
“Hey!” King Piccolo barked.

The man’s eyes widened and he let out a loud shriek as King Piccolo wrapped his hand around the man’s throat and lifted him into the air. “Listen, you insignificant little bug!” King Piccolo snarled, his demonic eyes once again glowing with anger. These worthless creatures just kept coming, didn’t they? What the hell was wrong with them? Were they thick or something, or just suicidal? “That drink is mine and mine alone, and this entire bar is my seat, and if you have a problem with that then by all means you can take it up with me! Do you understand?” He loosened his grip on the man’s throat just enough to allow him to scream as he grabbed his arm and started to squeeze…
“King Piccolo, no!” Alex cried, his eyes widening “Stop! You’re gonna get me fired!”
“Ha! You think I care about that?” King Piccolo snorted, smirking menacingly at his victim who was now screaming in pain. “You still want that drink, Tough Guy?”
“N-No!” The man wailed. “Please! Stop! Aiii! I’m sorry! Please, Sir!”
“It’s King Piccolo.” King Piccolo stated.
“King Piccolo!” The man screamed. “Please, let me go! I’ll do anything, Sire! Please!”
“… Hm.” King Piccolo grunted. He really didn’t want to let this guy go… He wanted to break his arm, and then crush his skull, and stomp on him… but then Frikiza would probably have something to say about that wouldn’t she? Tch. The nagging bitch. She was such a hypocrite – she used to do that kind of stuff herself! And she liked that side of King Piccolo – she liked him being strong and badass! Or at least, she used to… Before that stupid egg made her frigid and untouchable. Hmph. “Whatever.” King Piccolo grunted, and dropped the man to the floor. He watched the man squirm and groan at his feet, and an overwhelming feeling of impatience flooded King Piccolo’s soul when the man didn’t leave immediately. “Get out!” King Piccolo roared.
“Aii!” The man cried, almost leaping out of his skin, and immediately bolted out of the bar, along with every other customer in the room.
“Thanks.” Alex frowned as the demon king sat back down. “You just lost me tips from twelve guests.”
“They were never going to tip you.” King Piccolo snorted. “Not if they had any sense.”

He took a swig from the bottle of demon juice and slammed it back down on the bar, exhaling fiercely.
“Trouble in paradise?” Alex asked.
“Shut up.” King Piccolo growled, and took another swig.
“Hey, King Piccolo,” Alex uttered. “Go easy on that stuff! You don’t wanna get dru – uh…” He sweat dropped under the cold, sharp stare of King Piccolo as the demon king glared at him. “… You know. You might… you might catch food poisoning from it…”
“No I won’t.” King Piccolo scoffed. “I’m invincible.”
“Uh-huh…” Alex mumbled. Oh, this was gonna be a tough shift…


“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you!” Cell yelled up at the leader of all ogres, King Yemma, as he stood in Yemma’s office, demanding that Frieza be released from his cocoon. “You have no right to keep him there! Frieza is innocent!”
“Innocent?” King Yemma repeated. He held a sheet of paper up in front of him so that Cell could see; it looked like some kind of list. King Yemma looked at Cell sternly, and then cleared his throat and started to read… “Cruelty to children, kidnapping, stealing, blackmail, bribery, murder, disturbing the peace, attempted murder, GBH with intent, GBH without intent, manslaughter, conspiracy, treason, unauthorised destruction of planets, slavery, indecent exposure, underage drinking, sexual assault, person trafficking, supplying alcohol to children, supplying weapons to children, possession of illegal weapons, use of illegal weapons…” He looked down at Cell. “Do you want me to continue? Believe it or not I’m only halfway down this list – and these crimes only cover the last three months of his life.”
“Yeah well – he didn’t start that fire!” Cell pouted. “And he didn’t start the riot – that was Baba and Babidi!”
“Oh – no, it totally wasn’t!” Fortune-teller Baba yelled from her safe position behind King Yemma. “You can’t prove it!”
“I have witnesses!” Cell yelled.
“Yes, witnesses in Hell. Why would King Yemma trust the word of a bunch of convicts?” Fortune-teller Baba huffed.
“Because if he doesn’t, I’m going to blow this place to pieces.” Cell snarled, and glared at Yemma. “Now do you get it?”
“If you destroy Otherworld, you’ll destroy yourself and Frieza.” King Yemma replied. “And your children.”
“But that’s precisely why I need Frieza back at home!” Cell protested. “He was always good with them – they’re going nuts without him! You have to help me!”
“Aw…” Baba uttered, her face softening slightly. “That’s a shame… children need a stable environment, after all…”

She looked at King Yemma, and was about to advise him to let Frieza out of the cocoon, when she realised its implications. Frieza had to know the riot was actually her fault after all, and if he was released he would definitely kill her for letting him take the blame… So, on second thoughts… “Frieza should stay there.” Baba nodded. “The children will have to learn to cope without him. We can’t all have perfect families!”
“Yes, and those children are in Hell for a reason.” King Yemma grunted, returning to his paperwork. “They don’t deserve a good family life – it would defeat the whole point of them being in Hell.”
“Oh, fuck you!” Cell yelled. “What would you know anyway? It’s not like you’re a parent! If you had children of your own, you wouldn’t let mine grow up in a broken home!”
“They’re not going to grow up, they’re dead.” King Yemma stated carelessly. “And you think I don’t have children? Huh!” He narrowed his eyes at Cell. “Where do you think all these ogres come from, the Tooth Fairy?”
“… What?” Cell blinked, looking around at the ogre guards that were in King Yemma’s office. “… These are your kids?”
“Well… I don’t see them that way.” King Yemma shrugged. “I think of them as my creations – like an invention. I can’t manage this place by myself, so every so often I make one of them.”
“Really…?” Cell uttered, staring at the ogres in disbelief. Well… he didn’t know that.
“They have a lifespan of about fifty years.” King Yemma said. “Of course, they don’t normally live that long. Working with evil people all the time tends to corrupt them, so after about five or ten years on the job, I let them go.”
“ ‘Let them go’…?” Cell repeated questioningly. “What does that mean?”
“You know.” King Yemma replied. “I… ‘send them to live on a farm’.”

Cell paused for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant. What the hell was he…? … Oh. Oh.
“Wait – you –” Cell flew up to King Yemma, causing Fortune-teller Baba to shriek a little and back away as he got too close. Cell moved down to King Yemma’s ear and whispered into it, “You kill them?”
“Yes.” King Yemma nodded. “If you want to be blunt about it.”
What!” Cell screamed, his eyes widening in horror. “What the hell is wrong with you! Those are you children!”
“They’re not my children!” King Yemma argued. “They don’t even have souls – they’re just my assistants, and when they’ve done all they can I replace them. Simple.”
“Well you’re not treating my kids like that!” Cell snapped. “They have the right to a real family – so I’m ordering you to bring Frieza back home now!”
“No.” King Yemma replied.
“Yes!” Cell barked, powering up. “Otherwise I’m going to destroy you and every one of your –”
“Guards!” King Yemma called.
“What? Hey!” Cell cried out as a group of ogres grabbed him and started to drag him back down to hell kicking and screaming. “Hey! Let go of me, you freaks!” Cell demanded, thrashing wildly against his captors. “Why are you even listening to him? He’s a monster, he – hey!”

He let out an aggressive snarl as the ogres threw him down onto Hell’s floor and looked at him sternly.
“No rebelling, otherwise you go in the cocoon.” One of them said.
“Huh! Really? You’re going to put me in a cocoon now?” Cell snorted. “Just try it, you know I’m stronger than every one of you!” He took a fighting stance and powered up, and glared fiercely at the ogres. “Now… I’m going to give you one last chance. Release Frieza, or I’ll destroy every last one of you.”
“Can’t release Frieza. It’s against King Yemma’s orders.” One of them answered.
“So disobey him.” Cell snarled.
“No! We can’t do that!” The ogres gasped. “If we misbehave, we get punished.”
“Punished?” Cell blinked.
“Yes!” The ogres nodded. “For example, we can’t lie – otherwise he cuts off out tongues.”
“What?” Cell frowned. “Seriously? Does he really do that?” He watched as the ogres nodded. “And you still like the guy?”

Cell waited for a response, but they didn’t say anything. What? Why weren’t they speaking? Was there something wrong with them? “I’m talking to you!” Cell barked impatiently. “Are you going to answer me?”
“We can’t lie.” One of the ogres said. “So… best to just not answer the question.”
“Huh?” Cell blinked. Wait, what were they…? Did they… Did they actually not like King Yemma? Were they just doing what they were told because they were afraid of him…? … Oh – yeah, that had to be it! Well, this was perfect! Yeah! Cell had been all set for starting a riot down here if they didn’t release Frieza, but why start a riot when he could start a mutiny? “You know…” Cell smirked, his eyes glowing in delight as he thought of the mayhem that was about to come. “My boys misbehave too sometimes, and you know what I do?” He folded his arms and grinned at the ogres wickedly. “I talk it out with them, and give them some chocolate. That’s what should happen when you misbehave. You shouldn’t get hurt.”
“Huh…?” The ogres gasped. “Really…?”
“Of course.” Cell replied sincerely. “It’s what all families do.”
“No!” One of the ogres looked at his siblings. “He’s a convict – he’s just trying to corrupt us.”
“I am not!” Cell protested. “Look at Goku – his kids don’t behave all the time, right? But do they still have their tongues?”
“…” The ogres looked at each other, and when they realised they didn’t know the answer, they looked back at Cell. “Do they?”
Yes!” Cell sighed. “Of course – how else could they talk?”
“… So… you’re saying… we aren’t treated fairly?” One of the ogres uttered.
“That’s precisely what I’m saying.” Cell nodded. “And if I were you, I wouldn’t stand for it. You guys deserve to be more than just slaves, right?”
“Can’t lie.” The ogres replied robotically. “Best not to say anything.”
“No – Guys, you do deserve to be more than slaves.” Cell said. “You deserve to have lives of your own! And I can give them to you.”
“You can…?” The ogres replied cautiously.
“Yes.” Cell smirked, and his eyes twinkled wickedly. “Follow my lead…”


A short while later in King Yemma’s office, the king of ogres was back to sorting souls when one of his guards approached him.
“King Yemma, there’s a riot in Hell.” He said.
“Oh, great…” King Yemma groaned.
“See – I told you Cell would start a riot over this.” Fortune-teller Baba huffed. “It’s no wonder his children are such brats if they have him as a role model.”
“Yes, I know…” King Yemma sighed, and looked at the ogre. “How bad is it?”
“They’re blowing up mountains and setting fire to the woods.” The ogre replied. “And they’re attacking people that try to stop them, and they’re shouting ‘Fuck you, King Yemma’.”
“Huh! Charming!” King Yemma huffed. “Well then, tell the guards to get them under control.”
“I’m talking about the guards.” The ogre replied.


“The… the thing is… thing is… … the thing is…” Meanwhile, back in a hotel bar on Earth, King Piccolo was swaying on his bar stool and attempting to form a coherent sentence. “When… when we first… when we got married, we just had sex.” He took a swig from what was now his second bottle of Demon Juice, and sneered at Alex. “I mean like – all the time. All we ever did was sex. Like… all the time. Even… even before we got married, just… that’s all we did.”
“The honeymoon period…” Alex sighed, smiling fondly as he recalled that stage in his own relationship. “I sure miss that.”
“Yeah… whatever. We’re discussing me.” King Piccolo grunted. “Here, just… just shut up and… and let me talk.” He pushed the bottle of Demon Juice towards Alex, but when the young man attempted to take a drink for himself King Piccolo changed his mind. “No, you’re not a demon.” He took the bottle back, and took another swig. “Anyway, so… we don’t do that anymore, because… because of Bass, but… but she’s a bitch. Like, she’s always… she’s always just nag nag nag nag nag… all the time! I can’t do anything!”
“Oh – yeah, my girlfriend’s the same.” Alex nodded. “When we first started dating she was all like ‘oh yeah, go hang with the guys, it’s cool’.” He scoffed. “Now if I try to go out, she gets all clingy over it!”
“Yeah!” King Piccolo exclaimed. “That’s what I’m talking about! I – I didn’t change!”
“No, me neither!” Alex protested. “But suddenly, that’s not okay anymore.”
“Yes!” King Piccolo nodded. “Exactly! That’s exactly what’s happened!”

Alex let out a sigh, and looked at King Piccolo.
“You know what I did?” He said. King Piccolo shook his head and looked at Alex intently, hanging on his every word. “I took my life back.”
“What, you… you killed her?” King Piccolo blinked.
“No!” Alex frowned. “Nothing that extreme! Look – you have to have your own thing. It’s important, in any relationship.”
“Yeah…?” King Piccolo uttered, still listening intently.
“Before I met my girlfriend, I used to go to play paintball with my buddies every Saturday.” Alex said. “Now, on Saturdays she likes to do stuff together – but I just couldn’t handle not doing my own thing, it drove me crazy! So… what we do now is, I spend most weekends with her, but every forth Saturday and Sunday me and the guys go away on a major paintball weekend.”
“You do?” King Piccolo replied.
“Yeah.” Alex nodded. “It’s not much – and it’s nothing like what I used to do, but… it’s something, you know? You gotta have your own thing, otherwise you end up hating each other. It’s good for her as well – when I’m away with the guys she goes off on a girl weekend, and by Monday we’re looking forward to seeing each other again. It just keeps it fresh, you know?”
“Yeah…” King Piccolo grunted, his mind working at a steady pace through its drunken haze. “I… I think so.” He looked at Alex. “So what are you saying?”
“What I’m saying is, before you met her – what did you do for fun?” Alex asked.
“Well, I… back when I was younger I… I ruled the world.” King Piccolo answered. “Me and my army, we used to spread pain and suffering, and… and scare people.” He grinned, fondly remembering the days of his youth, before he was sealed away in that bastard rice cooker. Stupid rice cooker…
“Okay, cool.” Alex nodded, assuming that everything King Piccolo was saying was a euphemism for getting drunk with the guys and acting stupid. “So maybe you can’t do that every week anymore, but you should set aside just one or two days a month when you get back with the guys. I mean – are you still in touch with them?”
“Well, they’re… they’re in Hell.” King Piccolo answered.
“Sweet.” Alex nodded, again assuming that ‘Hell’ was the name of some club King Piccolo used to frequent. “So maybe a couple of times a month just go to Hell, get the old gang back together and do all the crazy shit you used to do.”

King Piccolo paused for a moment, thinking about it. So… what, Alex was suggesting that he…? … Yes. Yes, that made sense… If he was in Hell, he could do whatever he wanted! There would be no Frikiza to nag at him, or tell him that hurting people was wrong – and even if he did hurt anyone in Hell, who cares? They were in Hell, they deserved to be hurt! And there would be no Junior, or Goku… Fuck, why hadn’t he thought of this himself? This was the greatest idea ever!
“Kid – you’re a genius!” King Piccolo exclaimed. “C’mere!”
“Whoa!” Alex cried out as the giant King Piccolo leant across the bar and pulled him into a painful but well-meaning headlock.
“Yeah, I can go to Hell! I can see my boys!” King Piccolo declared. “And we can totally fuck the place up and torture people and – and it doesn’t even matter because everyone’s already dead!”
“Uh… yeah. Whatever.” Alex sweat dropped, unable to work out what he could mean by that. “So, she won’t mind if you trash Hell?”
“Nah, she won’t care – it’s not Earth, right? And everyone down there deserves to be trashed!” King Piccolo replied excitedly.
“What kind of club is this?” Alex thought to himself, completely unaware that a club existed where you could actually go and destroy the place without anybody saying anything. “That sounds cool!” He grinned inwardly. “Hey King Piccolo, where exactly is –”
“Thanks, Kid!” King Piccolo beamed, and slammed the bottle into Alex’s hands. “You can finish this – I’m gonna be evil!” He bolted out of the bar at the speed of light, ready to quite literally raise some Hell.

Chapter Text

“Ahhhhhhhh! Take that, King Yemma!” A group of rebelling ogres screamed as they threw a large amount of office supplies into Bloody Lake.
“Guys, can’t you think of anything more creative…?” Cell sweat dropped. “Throwing out stationary is hardly rebelling.”
“Yes it is! King Yemma likes everything organised!” One of the ogres argued.
“And look – this is his to-do list!” Another grinned, holding a sheet of paper up.
“‘To-do list’?” Cell repeated. “What does he need to do besides sorting out souls?”
“Maintenance! This is a list of all the stuff that needs maintaining down here.” The ogre replied, scrunching the list into a ball. “Ha!” He threw the list into Bloody Lake, and he and his brothers cheered triumphantly as it became too stained to read.
“Okay, great.” Cell yawned. “Now how about you do some real damage? Like those guys,” He nodded over to a group of ogres in the distance, who had teamed up with a group of saiyans and were blowing up various parts of Hell and killing any guards that were still loyal to King Yemma and trying to stop them.
“That’s better?” The ogres asked, looking at Cell.
“Yeah, that’s better. Come on, I’ll show you how it’s done.” Cell replied, and was about to take off to teach the ogres how to destroy Hell, when a voice interrupted him.
“Excuse me, Cell?”

Cell turned round to see a saiyan woman standing there. He recognised her… wasn’t she…? “Gine?” Cell uttered in surprise. “You’re Goku’s mother, right?”
“Yes, I am.” Gine nodded. “I’d like to join in your rebellion, if that’s okay?”
“What?” Cell frowned. “But I heard you were against rioting.”
“Well, normally I am…” Gine replied. “But this is different – I’m not rebelling as a criminal now, I’m rebelling as a mother.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.” Cell said.
“Cell – I heard why these ogres are rebelling. The way their father treats them is just horrible, and as a mother myself I can’t stand by and let that happen!” Gine huffed. “So – let me join you.”
“Uh…” Cell sweat dropped, shocked that she actually wanted to team up with him. After all… “You do know that I was the one that killed your son, right?”
Yes.” Gine hissed, looking away in annoyance. “And Frieza killed my husband, and enslaved Raditz…” She looked at Cell. “This isn’t a permanent alliance, let me make that clear! Bardock and I are still your enemies, but on this occasion I’m willing to let that slide for the sake of mothers and children everywhere!” She looked at Cell sternly, her face suddenly changing as a look of determination swept across it, giving her a striking resemblance to Goku. “This isn’t just a riot, it’s a movement that will change history!”
“… Yeah, whatever.” Cell snorted. Tch. Whatever… He didn’t really care who got involved in this, so long as he got the result he wanted. And the more the merrier, right? “Fine, you can join me.” Cell shrugged. “Just make sure you do what I say – and don’t let anyone take King Yemma’s side!”
“Of course I won’t!” Gine frowned. “Let’s go!” She took off into the air, followed by Cell and the rebellious ogres.


Back in his office, King Yemma slammed his fist down onto his desk in annoyance, almost splitting its wood.
“How dare they!” He boomed. “They’re not supposed to team up with the convicts! Who’s leading them?”
“Cell, Sir.” His ogre assistant replied.
“I told you.” Fortune-teller Baba sniped.
“I know!” King Yemma yelled. “Listen – we’ll have to bring in someone to calm things down,” He looked at his assistant. “Can you round up Heaven’s best warriors?”
“Yes, Sir!” The ogre nodded, and flew off to find some heroes in Otherworld.
“Baba, you should go home until this is resolved.” King Yemma stated. “You don’t want to get caught in the riot.”
“Fine…” Baba sighed, disappointed. She’d planned to go and visit Babidi… She had been looking forward to it, but she didn’t fancy the idea of getting caught up in that riot – she didn’t like Babidi that much. “Tell me when it’s over.” Baba said, and flew out of King Yemma’s office and headed for home, unaware of the demon king that was waiting for her there.


Meanwhile, over at Fortune-teller Baba’s castle, King Piccolo was mere seconds away from destroying the building and everyone inside.
“I won’t tell you again!” He roared, his ki soaring. “Bring Baba out here!”
“She’s not here!” Baba’s ghost usher protested. “She’s in King Yemma’s office. Why do you want her anyway?”
“She has to take me to Hell!” King Piccolo barked. “Unless you’re going to do it?”
“Oh… okay.” The ghost nodded.
“What?” King Piccolo blinked, calming down a little. He looked at the ghost usher in surprise. “You can take me?”
“Yes.” The ghost replied, and lifted up his straw hat to reveal a small bottle of dark liquid. “Here, drink this.” He said, holding the bottle out to King Piccolo. “It’s poison. You’ll be in Hell in ten minutes.”
“Wha – no!” King Piccolo screamed. “I don’t want to die, you idiot! I just want to visit!”
“Oh.” The ghost replied, putting the bottle away. “Not allowed.”
“It is too!” King Piccolo argued.
“Not.” The ghost huffed stubbornly.
“Yes it is.” King Piccolo hissed, his eyes glowing demonically. “If I say it’s allowed, then it’s –”
“Oh, what’s going on?”

King Piccolo spun around at the sound of Fortune-teller Baba’s voice behind him, and she let out a loud yelp as he grabbed her. “Take me to Hell – now!”
“Eep! Get off me!” Baba wailed, trying to break out of his grasp. “I can’t take you to Hell – it’s forbidden!”
“Oh shut up, you go there all the time!” King Piccolo snarled.
“Yes, I go there, but I have permission.” Baba replied arrogantly. “You don’t. … Hm.” She looked at King Piccolo, noticing a slight haziness in his eyes, and she sniffed. “… Have you been drinking?”
“No!” King Piccolo growled. “Just take me to Hell!”
“What do you want to go there for?” Fortune-teller Baba huffed. “There’s a riot, it’s very dangerous. I even had to cancel my date with Babidi.”
“A riot?” King Piccolo uttered. What…? Oh, that was perfect! The place was already filled with mayhem and violence – he had to go now!
“So there’s no way I’m going down there.” Baba continued. “A young woman like me would make the perfect hostage for those criminals – aii!” She let out a scream as King Piccolo tightened his grip on her, holding his arm across her throat as he snarled into her face,
“You are taking me.” King Piccolo said. “Otherwise I’m going to kill you and destroy your castle.”
“If you do that, I’ll tell on you.” The ghost usher said.
“You won’t have time, I’ll kill you first!” King Piccolo barked. He looked down at Baba. “So?”

Baba whimpered slightly, becoming worried. Well… ordinarily Frikiza could keep him under control, right? But… she wasn’t here, and he was drunk… he might just be stupid enough to keep his word. Aii!
“Fine!” Fortune-teller Baba shrieked. “But I have conditions.”
“I’m not interested in your conditions!” King Piccolo snapped.
“Well then I’m not taking you – aii!” She let out another scream as King Piccolo once again tightened his grip. “Okay – fine! But listen,” She pulled away from him, and looked at the demon king. “I was supposed to have my date my Babidi, and if I’m going to Hell anyway, I want to see him.”
“Fine.” King Piccolo shrugged. “That’s not my concern.”
“Well, it is – you have to guarantee that nobody attacks us in the riot!” Baba frowned. “You have to guard his cave – and guard us! After all, you will need me to come back to Earth.”
“Hmph.” King Piccolo grunted. She had a point. If anything happened to her in the riot, he would be stuck in Hell…” Fine.” King Piccolo said. “I’ll get on of the boys to guard you.”
“What!” Baba cried. “You never said you wanted me to take your kids as well! This isn’t a family outing, you know! I’m not supposed to even take you at all, I’m only doing it because I’ve become the victim of kidnapping and coercion!”
“Ha.” King Piccolo smirked, amused at her phrasing. Well… he was bullying her into this, wasn’t he? It was such a shame for her. “I meant the boys that are down there. I’m having a reunion.”
“… Oh.” Fortune-teller Baba uttered, and looked at him sceptically. “You mean you’re going to visit those monsters that terrorised the Earth hundreds of years ago?”
“Yes.” King Piccolo nodded, his face lighting up in enthusiasm.
“… Are you going to cause trouble?” Baba frowned.
“Of course.” King Piccolo nodded, even more gleeful.
“… Oh – no, I can’t!” Baba huffed, backing away. “You doing seem to be taking me into consideration here. If I take you to Hell, then I’m responsible for whatever you do down there! We already have Cell’s gang and the saiyans rioting – King Yemma will flip if I let your monsters join in as well!”
“But you just said so yourself, you’re the victim of coercion.” King Piccolo insisted. “Just tell him that you had no choice, because I was going to kill you if you didn’t.” He stepped towards her and looked down at her menacingly. “And believe me… I will.”

Fortune-teller Baba shivered a little, intimidated by his stare. He could certainly be scary when Frikiza wasn’t around… … But why did he even want to go to Hell anyway?
“You have a baby on the way. You should be at home taking care of your wife.” Baba lectured. “Not running round Hell causing trouble. You need to grow up and learn some responsib – aii!” She yelped loudly as she was once again physically assaulted by King Piccolo. He grabbed her and clasped his hand around her throat, turning her neck slightly and threatening to break it.
“She doesn’t need taking care of!” King Piccolo yelled. “Do you have any idea how horrible it is living with a pregnant woman? I’m just about ready to destroy Earth, and if you don’t let me cause mayhem in Hell then I’ll do it up here! Do you understand?”
“Wh-What?” Baba gasped. “So what, is this some kind of stress relief for you?”
Yes!” King Piccolo screamed. “Frikiza has been getting her own way for far too long! It’s baby this, baby that, do this, do that, and she doesn’t even put out! Don’t you understand how selfish that is?”
“Uh-huh…” Fortune-teller Baba sweat dropped. Oh, great… Since when was she a therapist? She didn’t recall asking to hear about his marital problems!
“And the boys have all taken her side!” King Piccolo snarled, his eyes burning with anger. “The useless little traitors… I could kill all of them! I should slit open their throats for what they’ve done to me – and that bitch Kuria! She’s living with us too, and she’s just as bad as her mother – both of them are selfish ugly bitches!”
“C-Careful…” Baba choked as King Piccolo started to strangle her in his anger.
“Tch…” King Piccolo grunted, releasing his grip just enough for Fortune-teller Baba to breathe, but still tight enough to hurt her. “Do you see the situation I’m in?” He growled. “I think I deserve a day to myself, don’t you? After all I’ve done for those weak, good-for-nothing traitors, just to get nothing back… the least I deserve is to do whatever I want for one – single – measly day!”
“Well, everybody needs their own time –”
Precisely!” King Piccolo screamed, and glared down at Baba. “So it’s up to you. Either you take me to Hell and I fuck stuff up down there, or I’m going to start destroying Planet Earth, starting with you and your castle!” He exhaled fiercely, his hot alcohol-stained breath almost burning Baba’s face. “What will it be?”
“… Let’s go to Hell.” Baba whimpered.
“Good!” King Piccolo barked, and instantly released her.
“But I want protection from the riot – and actually,” Fortune-teller Baba looked at King Piccolo. “Since Babidi’s had his powers revoked he’s been getting bullied by the other cons, and he isn’t strong enough to protect himself…” She sniffed, suddenly becoming overly dramatic and putting herself on the verge of crying. “Oh, I don’t know what I’d do if anything were to happen to him…”
“Do you want a permanent bodyguard for him?” King Piccolo snorted, immediately seeing through her victim act.
“Well, yes.” Baba nodded, returning to normal. “If you don’t mind? I am doing you a big favour, after all.”
“Sure, he can have one of the boys.” King Piccolo shrugged. “Let’s go.”
“Alright!” Fortune-teller Baba grinned. “This way. I made a shortcut.” And started to lead him into her castle.


“Stop! That is an order!”
“Never!” Gine huffed, fighting back the ogres that were still loyal to King Yemma as they attempted to restrain her. “How can you still be on his side, after the way he treats you?”
“King Yemma told us never to listen to the cons!” One of the ogres argued, grabbing Gine. “Now you go to jail – arrgh!” He cried out as a ki blast suddenly sent him and his companions flying through the air.

Gine looked up to see Cell standing there, having just blown her attackers away.
“Thank you…” Gine uttered sheepishly.
“No problem.” Cell snorted, and looked at her. “For a saiyan, you kind of suck at fighting.”
“Well… I was never very good.” Gine sweat dropped. “I used to fight alongside my husband, but he would always end up saving me from trouble, so I quit fighting and worked at a meat factory – actually when I left to go on maternity leave, my boss gave me a meat hamper.”
“Really?” Cell uttered. “That was nice of him.”
“Well… childbirth takes it out of you, after all.” Gine smiled.
“I never found it so hard.” Cell frowned. “And I made seven.” He pointed up at his six wild children, who were in their element causing mayhem.
“Papa! Papa, look at me!”
“Look what I’m doing!” The Cell Juniors called to him as they followed in their father’s footsteps and destroyed their surroundings.
“That’s great, Kids!” Cell exclaimed. “Keep it up!”
“Um… I think you’re missing one…” Gine commented, counting the Juniors.
“No – Seven’s at home. He’s kind of a loner.” Cell replied. “Actually… sometimes I worry about him. He never seems to want to get involved with family time.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. Raditz went through a phrase like that when I was pregnant with Kakarot.” Gine replied. “Sometimes they find it difficult to adjust to a change in the family, you just need to be patient and give them space. Eventually they’ll come around –”

Gine and Cell looked up to see King Vegeta and Turnipa standing there, both of them looking infuriated.
“Y-Your Majesties!” Gine gasped, throwing herself to the floor. “How can I serve you?”
“Ew…” Turnipa gagged, and pushed her husband towards Gine. “You talk to her, I just washed.”
“What? You think I want to catch low-class germs?” King Vegeta growled.
“Just tell her!” Turnipa barked.

King Vegeta snorted, and looked at Gine and Cell.
“I order you to stop what you’re doing and end this riot at once!” He demanded.
“What?” Cell frowned. “Why?”
“Yes… Sire – with respect, I thought you would approve of a riot?” Gine uttered.
“Well normally, yes. However!” King Vegeta glared at her. “This riot is in favour of a cause that I cannot support – so I am ordering you to stop it now.”
“But – Sire, you must be mistaken.” Gine replied. “We’re doing this riot to put an end to child cruelty, and to grant the ogres freedom from their father.”
Precisely.” King Vegeta replied.
“Child cruelty should never be abolished!” Turnipa huffed, folding her arms. “And we won’t stand for a movement that tries to do that!”
“What?” Gine gasped, her eyes widening in shock. “But – I don’t understand, Your Majesties. You have two children of your own.”
“Yeah, we know. We can count.” King Vegeta grunted, hiding his shock as he thought to himself, “There were two?”
“Of course we have children! That’s how we know what horrible things they are!” Turnipa protested. “If anything, people should be even more cruel to them – so there’s no way I’m letting you continue with this riot!”
“But –”
“That is a direct order.” King Vegeta snarled, cutting Gine off. He raised his hand up to her and started to form a ki ball in his palm. “And if you so much as think about disobeying it, you will be classed as a traitor and executed –”

He stopped suddenly when Cell stepped in front of Gine, and glared fiercely at the saiyan king.
“Leave her alone.” Cell said coldly. “Or you’ll be the ones executed.” He stepped forward and grabbed King Vegeta’s hand, pushing his palm into King Vegeta’s until the ki ball dispersed with seemingly no effort. King Vegeta’s eyes widened as he watched Cell absorb the attack, and he stared up into Cell’s eyes. “This riot is continuing.” Cell snarled. “So you either join us, or you get out of my sight before I erase you from existence.”
“Oh yeah?” King Vegeta snarled back. “And what makes you think you can do that?”
“The fact that I have a greater power level than Frieza.” Cell replied, narrowing his eyes at King Vegeta. “And he took you out in one hit, right?”
“… Crap.” King Vegeta uttered, suddenly remembering that Cell was actually more powerful than Frieza. “I forgot about that.”

He glanced at his wife, then back at Cell. “Well… you’re in luck.” King Vegeta snorted arrogantly. “We have some business to attend to, so as it happens we need to leave. Just… stop rioting.” He took a step back, and then he and Turnipa suddenly bolted away as fast as they could.
“Idiots.” Cell grunted, staring after them.
“They’re such cruel parents…” Gine sighed. “I feel sorry for their children.”
“No wonder Vegeta never amounted to anything.” Cell nodded, folding his arms in disapproval.


Meanwhile, in the demon section of Hell, a giant portal appeared amongst a group of demons, and they scurried away to a safe distance as they felt a dark energy emerging from it. King Piccolo stepped out of the portal, accompanied by Fortune-teller Baba, and he looked around.
“Are we there?” He asked.
“Yes. See, I told you it was a shortcut.” Baba said boastfully. “When I stated seeing Babidi, I made this handy little portal. It cuts my travel time by half.”
“Uh-huh…” King Piccolo uttered. He turned his head to the crowd of demons that were looking at him curiously, and spoke, “You guys! Do you know where the children of King Piccolo live?” He watched as the demons nodded, and continued, “Can you take me to them?”
“We will.” One of the demons replied. “In exchange for your human.”
“What?” Fortune-teller Baba shrieked, darting behind King Piccolo. “No! Get away from me – I’m not payment!”
“Her blood smells fresh…” One of the demons grinned, licking his lips thirstily.
“No – I can assure you, it’s not fresh! I’m very old!” Baba insisted. “Honestly – if you want someone, take him! He’s nice and young!” She attempted to push King Piccolo towards them, but he just stood solid as a rock, glaring at the demons.
“You’re going to take me to them.” King Piccolo snarled. “Or I’ll destroy you.”
“No!” The demons pouted.
“Prove it!” One of them frowned.
“Fine.” King Piccolo shrugged, and proceeded to fire a small blast at one of the demons, which erased his existence in a flash.

The remaining demons’ eyes widened, and they gulped.
“Who is this guy…?” One of them whispered to his companions.
“Oh – fuck, is this actually King Piccolo?” Another gasped.
“Shit!” The remaining demons yelped, staring at the demon king with wide eyes. “I think it is!”
“Better do as he says, otherwise Number One will flip.”

The demons looked at King Piccolo, and grinned sheepishly. “Right this way, Sir.”
“Would you like a drink?” One of them offered, holding up a cup of murky water that looked as if it had come from a sewer.
“Sure.” King Piccolo shrugged, taking the cup.
“Ugh! You’re not actually going to drink that –” Fortune-teller Baba’s face twisted in disgust as she watched King Piccolo gulp down the bacteria-ridden water. “… You are.” She sighed. “You’re disgusting.”
“Do you have any chocolate?” King Piccolo asked the demons.
“Do we look like we earn chocolate?” One of them sarcastically replied.


Back on Earth, Frikiza stepped outside where her stepchildren were lightly sparring, after taking her second bath that day.
“Do you feel better now?” Piano asked, approaching her with a drink.
“Not really…” Frikiza sighed. She sat down and stroked her midsection, which was now twice the size it had been that morning. “I don’t get it… I was this size when Kuria was born.” She looked at Piano. “How big are namek eggs?”
“Uh…” Piano sweat dropped, recalling the eggs of his younger siblings. Actually, they were almost as big as Frikiza – there was no way she could carry one of those things in her body! And she certainly wouldn’t be able to push it out at its full size, even if she did stretch… “Well… I’m sure he’ll come out before he’s that big.” Piano said, and laughed nervously.
“What!” Frikiza shirked, her eyes widening. “Piano – how big are they?”
“Well… Look – I don’t want to worry you…” Piano said nervously. “But… you might need a caesarean.”
What!” Frikiza cried. “Really? How big? Show me.”

Piano hesitated, not wanting to make Frikiza any more nervous than she already was.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Piano assured. “He’ll stop growing any minute now –”
Piano.” Frikiza said sternly. “Show me.”
“…” Piano paused for a long moment, then finally let out a sigh. “Very well.” He mumbled. “But remember – Bass won’t be this big.” He opened his arms out, and started to demonstrate the size of his siblings’ eggs. “Tambourine was this size, and Cymbal… well, he was bigger, so he was like this. Then Drum… he’s quite a stocky one – his egg grew to this size, and Junior…” He looked in dismay at the expression of fear that was steadily dominating Frikiza’s face. “Now – don’t panic! This is the egg size remember? And they were born fully grown, but Bass will only be a little baby.” Piano insisted. “He’ll be much smaller.”
“Well, how big was Junior when he hatched?” Frikiza asked worriedly.
“Oh – very little. Just like this.” Piano replied, and used his hands to show what seemed to be a normal sized baby.
“Okay…” Frikiza sighed, a little relieved. “Well… maybe he won’t grow much now. It’s just that the last three months are supposed to be the growing period, but… Bass seems to have done that already.”
“Well, he must be doing things differently to other babies.” Piano nodded. “I’m sure he won’t get any bigger now – perhaps he’ll use the next three months to learn language. After all, when we were born we could all speak right away –”

He suddenly stopped talking when a splashing sound came from Frikiza, and Piano moved his eyes down to see her peeing. “Um…” He sweat dropped. “I’ll… pretend I didn’t see that.” Aw… He felt kind of embarrassed for her. Piano had read about pregnancy – when Frikiza had become pregnant Piano had read all sorts of literature on the different trimesters and birthing methods, and as well as learning about caesareans he’d also read that a pregnant woman’s bladder was a little more difficult to control… It must be quite an awkward position to be in.
“Oh my God…” Frikiza whimpered, her eyes widening. “No – Piano, I’m not peeing!”
“I know! I didn’t see anything, I promise!” Piano insisted.
“No – it’s my waters!” Frikiza cried, jumping up. “My waters broke!”
“Wh-What!” Piano gasped, his eyes widening. Wait – didn’t water coming out mean…? “But – but it’s not time!” Piano protested. “He’s too early –”
Ow!” Frikiza shouted in pain and squatted down, clutching her midsection as a sharp, heavy pain shot through it. “Piano…”
“Crap!” Piano shrieked, in fully panic mode. “Crap crap crap crap!”
“Hey, what’s going on?”

After hearing the commotion, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum all gathered around Frikiza.
“Are you okay?” Tambourine asked.
“The baby’s coming!” Piano yelled frantically.
“What?” Cymbal blinked.
“The baby’s coming!” Piano repeated as Frikiza let out another painful groan.
“What does that mean?” Drum questioned.
The baby’s coming!” Piano screamed, frantically jumping into the air.
“What – you mean right now?” Tambourine blinked.
Yes!” Piano wailed.
“But – it’s not time!” Cymbal protested.
I know!” Piano snarled.
“We should tell King Piccolo.” Drum said.
“Yes – good idea – and one of you go and grab Kuria.” Piano panted. “Frikiza, it’ll be alright!” He grabbed Frikiza’s hands, his heart racing wildly as he attempted to say something reassuring. “Just calm down – don’t worry. Everything’s under control!”
“Get… get Zarba.” Frikiza huffed. “Tell Kuria to call her.”
“Frikiza…” Piano laughed nervously, in a vain attempt to conceal his panic. “Shouldn’t we try calling your midwife first?”
“Zarba is my midwife.” Frikiza replied.


Meanwhile, over in Hell, King Piccolo and Fortune-teller Baba were following their escorts through the demon section.
“Is it much further…?” Baba whimpered, looking round. “This place is giving me the creeps.”
“Here.” One of the demon escorts said, stopping outside a large castle. He approached the door and rang the bell, sending an eerie chiming through the demon land.
“Eep!” Baba shrieked, darting behind King Piccolo. “Why did you bring me here! This is terrifying!”
“Huh.” King Piccolo uttered, ignoring Baba as he looked up at the castle. They’d done pretty well for themselves, considering they’d not had him to lead them. In all the years King Piccolo had been in Hell, he’d never come to visit the army of monsters he’d created in his prime. He’d been too obsessed with watching Goku and planning his revenge… But maybe he should have come to live here; it was a much more comfortable environment than that cave he’d shared with those four useless freaks. Hm.

After a short while the castle door creaked open, and out stepped a creature that looked like Piano.
“Yes?” He answered impatiently.
“We have a visitor for you.” The demon escorts said.
“Hm?” The Piano lookalike grunted, and moved his eyes to King Piccolo… and then he let out a loud gasp. “K-King Piccolo!” He cried, immediately throwing himself at his master’s feet with tears in his eyes. “You came back, Sire! Oh, I knew you would! Welcome! Welcome!”
“Whatever.” King Piccolo grunted, kicking the mutant off him. Now he remembered why he’d never visited these guys – they were a bunch of freaks! And they barely had a brain between them. In his prime King Piccolo had been so keen to fill the Earth with demons he’d spat out egg after egg, barely putting any effort into their creation whatsoever. As a result, his mass-produced children were a bunch of morons – strong, but stupid. The first fifty or so were okay, as far as King Piccolo could recall… but after that, they were pretty much brain-dead, and a lot of them dribbled. “Are your brothers home?” King Piccolo asked.
“Yes! Yes, of course!” The mutant nodded, rising to his feet. He moved back towards the castle, then looked up at it and yelled, “Number One! King Piccolo’s here!”
“King Piccolo!” A thousand excited voices called from the castle.
“Wha – aiii!” Fortune-teller Baba screamed as an army of demons suddenly flooded out from all the doors and windows of the castle, each of them looking like Tambourine, Cymbal or Drum.

Baba grabbed hold of King Piccolo for comfort and watched in horror as the mutants surrounded them, kneeling before their master.
“Welcome!” They cried. “Welcome home!”
“Hello, my children!” King Piccolo grinned, his eyes glowing in delight as he was finally reunited with his army. “It’s so good to –”
“Welcome!” The mutants continued on, all speaking out of sync with each other. “Welcome, King Piccolo, welcome!”
“Thank you…” King Piccolo uttered, steadily losing his patience. “So, here’s what I want you to do –”
“Welcome!” The mutants continued, seemingly unaware that their master was speaking. “Welcome, King Piccolo! Welcome welcome –”
Silence!” King Piccolo screamed, finally silencing the over-excited mutants. He let out a frustrated sigh, and once again attempted to speak. “Now –”
Ssh!” The mutants shushed each other fiercely. “Listen to King Piccolo! Ssh! Listen, listen! Ssh –”
Shut up!” King Piccolo roared, his ki soaring as his patience ran out. “Shut up or I’ll destroy every last one of you!
“Destroy…” The mutants repeated, their eyes glowing. “Destroy… Destroy!”
“Yes…” King Piccolo sighed. Dammit. They were even more retarded than he remembered. “Just – tell me, who’s your leader?”
“King Piccolo!” The mutants declared.
“I mean your leader down here.” King Piccolo growled impatiently. Dammit! This was looking more and more like a bad idea. Maybe he should just destroy the lot of them and start a riot of his own.
“Number One!” The mutants started calling, once again all out of sync with each other. “Number One Number One Number One –”
Silence!” A voice that wasn’t King Piccolo’s put an end to the gormless chanting.

King Piccolo looked up as the crowd of mutants started to part, allowing someone to step through. It was another of King Piccolo’s mutant children; he looked exactly like Tambourine except he wore a crown with King Piccolo’s symbol carved into it. King Piccolo vaguely remembered this one… it was the first child he had ever made – and therefore the most intelligent.
“Son…?” King Piccolo uttered quietly as the mutant leader approached him. He looked different to the others… He seemed more alert, and he definitely had a higher IQ. King Piccolo had actually put a little effort into making him. Number One stared at King Piccolo for a long moment, and then a wide grin swept over his face, covering the parts of his skull that weren’t already dominated by his wide mouth.
Daddy!” Number One wailed, and threw himself at King Piccolo.
“Hey –” King Piccolo flinched as the mutant wrapped his arms around his master, squeezing him tight.
“King Piccolo! I knew you’d come back for us!” Number One cried. “The others said you were a deadbeat that walked out on us, but I knew you’d return!”
“Uh…” The other mutants sweat dropped. “No, no…” They mumbled quietly, their small minds trying desperately to think of something to say that wouldn’t make them sound disloyal.
“Get off me!” King Piccolo growled, pushing Number One away. “I’m not staying, you idiot! I just want to cause mayhem down here to take my mind off my wife.”
“Oh – Queen Frikiza!” Number One nodded enthusiastically. “We’ve been watching her – on the picture box!”
“The picture box! The picture box!” The other mutants chanted, referring to a spy-screen that was now being passed around between them.
“Whatever.” King Piccolo grunted. “Come on – let’s cause some trouble!”
“Yeah!” The mutants exclaimed, and they all started cheering and whistling as loud as they could.

King Piccolo looked down to see Fortune-teller Baba tugging at his gi with an impatient look on her face.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to get out of this circus.” She frowned.
“Oh… right.” King Piccolo looked at Number One. “This woman needs a bodyguard – give her your strongest fighter.”
“Okay.” Number One nodded, and yelled into the crowd, “Number Two!”
“Yes, Master?” A mutant that looked like Cymbal stepped forward, and loyally knelt before Number One.
“Guard this woman, she’s King Piccolo’s friend.” Number One ordered, pointing at Baba.
“We’re not friends! I’m just using her to come down here!” King Piccolo barked.
“Whatever – just remember, I’m a hostage, right?” Baba replied. “And this scary monster is kidnapping me and forcing me to stay in Babidi’s cave.” She looked at Number Two. “You do understand that, don’t you? It’s very important that you stick to that story.”
“Can I play with that?” Number Two asked, ignoring her every word as he stared at Fortune-teller Baba’s crystal ball.
“No!” Baba barked. “That’s not a toy! Now come on!” She turned and left the demon section of Hell as fast as she could, with Number Two flying closely behind her.

Number One looked at King Piccolo.
“What is your first command, Sire?” He asked.
“I want all of you to spread out through Hell,” King Piccolo instructed. “And destroy everything in your path!”
Wahoo!” The mutants cheered. “Yeah! King Piccolo! King Piccolo!”

King Piccolo closed his eyes and listened to the loyal chanting of his army; it was music to his ears. His entire being become filled with a sense of satisfaction and elation as he thought of what was about to come. Chaos, fighting, bloodshed, evil… It would be just like in the good old days. Ahh… what bliss. Finally, he could have a day to himself – a day he well and truly deserved. Finally he could have a good old-fashioned King Piccolo day, far away from Frikiza and those bleeding heart traitors, and that stupid baby. What could possibly go wrong? He was down here, amongst his loyal children, where he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and Frikiza couldn’t reach him. What could possibly stop him now?

Chapter Text

Argh!” Frikiza let out a cry that thundered through the King Piccolo Mansion as a sharp pain jolted through her stomach. She was definitely in labour, but this felt different to last time… Crap! “Fuck!” Frikiza gasped as another heavy pain struck her so forcefully she wanted to vomit.
“It’s okay, Frikiza!” Piano panted, watching with wide eyes as his brothers carried Frikiza onto the bed in what they’d been calling the ‘birth room’. Frikiza had wanted a home birth, and she’d set a room in the mansion aside to do it. It was filled with nice decorations and relaxing music and pretty things… All of which were pointless now! Why weren’t they in a hospital? Frikiza was clearly in agony, why the hell weren’t they in a hospital!
“No – Piano!” Frikiza panted. “He thinks he’s in an egg – arrrgh!”
“Wh-What do you mean?” Piano stammered.
“He’s trying to claw his way out!” Frikiza screamed, her eyes scrunching in pain and her ki soaring as she tried to contain what felt like her unborn child attacking her.
What!” Piano shrieked, jumping into the air.
“So I guess this is why you shouldn’t cross a live birth species with something that lays eggs.” Cymbal said. “The baby gets confused.”
Shut up, Cymbal!” Piano and Frikiza both screamed, their eyes red and glowing demonically.
“I was just saying…” Cymbal mumbled sheepishly.
“Where’s your father!” Frikiza barked, her fists clenched so hard she was cutting into her own flesh as she struggled to endure the pain. She had to fight Bass, but… she knew she had to be careful. He was so little… She couldn’t hurt him. It was so difficult to not hurt him!
“I’ll call him.” Drum said, and ran out of the room so he could concentrate on contacting King Piccolo. “King Piccolo!” He called out telepathically. “King Piccolo! You have to answer!”


Meanwhile, over in Hell, King Piccolo was having the time of his life. He was heavily intoxicated but hadn’t yet reached his down point, and so he was full of energy and charisma. He flew through the air as free as a bird, without a single care in the world and not at all concerned with what Frikiza would think of him, or more importantly what she would do to him if she found out he was down here. He was in his element; he was charging through Hell completely carefree, destroying things left, right and centre and causing an unfathomable amount of mayhem and despair with his army of over a thousand demonic mutant children, who were also very keen to be evil.
“Yes!” King Piccolo exclaimed as he watched his army destroy everything in their path. “Go, my children! Do what I created you for!” His eyes were alight with joy as he gazed upon the scene before him. It wasn’t just he and his children that were causing chaos down here; half of the ogres in Hell were doing it too! King Piccolo had learned that there was some sort of rebellion going on; the ogres didn’t like the way King Yemma treated them and so they had started smashing up Hell. Some ogres were trying to stop them – the younger ones still seemed to hold a great deal of loyalty towards King Yemma. In fact, if King Piccolo and his demons hadn’t joined in the fight, the good ogres may have been able to put an end to the riot… But King Piccolo was here now, so that wasn’t happening. Ha! This was the best day of his life!
“King Piccolo!” All of a sudden, a voice came into King Piccolo’s head and caused him to stop in mid-air and let out an angry snarl. He recognised that voice… What did that useless traitor want? Was he sick of Frikiza already? Tch. Whatever! King Piccolo didn’t care; those four idiots had made their choice and King Piccolo didn’t care if they regretted it. He had his other children now; he didn’t need those morons!

King Piccolo attempted to ignore Drum’s voice and continued flying, when his mind was invaded once again. “King Piccolo! Answer me!”
Shut up!” King Piccolo barked back. “I’m not interested! Leave me alone, you useless imbecile!”
“But it’s important!” Drum insisted.
“I don’t care!” King Piccolo snarled.
“But King Piccolo – Frikiza’s –”
Silence!” King Piccolo roared. “I don’t want to hear about Frikiza, do you understand? I’m having a day without her – actually, I might have two days! And you can tell her that!”
“But where are you…?” Drum asked.
“I’m in Hell, Son.” King Piccolo replied gleefully. “And you can tell your mommy that I’m having a wonderful time killing and destroying stuff down here, and there’s not a thing she can do to stop me.”
“But –”
And you can tell her that I am not coming home until I’m ready, and if she has a problem with that she can go fuck herself!” King Piccolo exclaimed.
“Okay… but I really have to tell you something!” Drum insisted. “Please, King Piccolo! It’s about the baby –”
Are you deaf!” King Piccolo screamed back, becoming enraged at Drum’s persistence. “I said I am not interested! I don’t want to hear about Frikiza or the baby! This is my day and I am going to spend all of it doing what I want, and that doesn’t involve her and Bass! Do you understand now, you fat halfwit!”
“But –”
Enough!” King Piccolo roared. “Shut up, Drum! I don’t want to hear another word from you until I come home – which may be never! Now leave me alone!”
“But King Piccolo –”

King Piccolo let out an angry snarl, and blocked Drum’s voice from his mind. Tch! The idiot! What was wrong with him? Wasn’t he capable of following the simplest of commands? If King Piccolo ordered his child to shut up, he expected his child to shut up! Hmph. Well. Drum always was the stupid one. Maybe he’d become even stupider since he’d gone soft. Tch. Whatever. There was no way that useless oaf was going to spoil King Piccolo’s mood.
“Children!” King Piccolo called gleefully to his army. “Destroy everything! Let’s turn this place into a wasteland!”


Back in his mansion and unknown to him, King Piccolo’s wife was on the verge of giving birth to his child.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Piano assured, holding Frikiza’s hand as she tried to hold back the baby that was attempting to rip its way out.
“Where…” Frikiza panted. “Where’s Piccolo?”
“It’s okay, Drum went to call him.” Piano said. “He’ll be here any minute now.”
“Guys, he’s not coming.” Drum’s voice suddenly came from behind them.

Piano spun round to glare at his brother. “What do you mean, ‘he’s not coming’?” He demanded.
“I tried to tell him about the baby, but he said he didn’t want to hear it and then he blocked me.” Drum explained, and he hung his head guiltily. “I’m sorry, Frikiza… He’s having too much fun on his rampage to listen.”
Rampage?” Frikiza repeated angrily. “What rampage?”
“He’s in Hell destroying stuff.” Drum answered.
“What!” His mutant siblings all cried.
“So – is he dead?” Tambourine gasped.
“I’m not sure.” Drum replied. “He didn’t say he was dead.”
“Oh – Drum, you are completely useless!” Piano screamed. “I’ll contact King Piccolo – you stay with Frikiza!”

He darted out of the room, and within seconds a loud, blood-curdling scream echoed through the mansion and Piano returned, clutching his head in agony.
“Well?” Cymbal asked.
“He… He doesn’t want to talk.” Piano whimpered, his eyes red from King Piccolo almost melting his brain with telepathy.
“See!” Drum pouted.
“But he… he doesn’t know.” Frikiza uttered quietly. “He doesn’t know about Bass…”
“It’s no big deal, right?” Drum shrugged. “Because he –”

Kuria’s voice cut Drum off, and the younger icejin came racing to her mother’s side. She grabbed Frikiza’s hand and looked at her, trying to hide her own panic. “Zarba’s on her way, everything’s gonna be fine.”
“Th-Thank you, Sweetheart.” Frikiza breathed. She leaned back and closed her eyes, biting her lip to fight back her tears. “Boys… Why isn’t he here?” She whimpered.
“It’s okay, Mom.” Cymbal said. “No big deal, right?”
“Yeah, so what is he misses the birth?” Tambourine reasoned. “We’re all here, and we’re telepathically linked to him, remember? So we can show him what we saw.”
“And he can see Bass afterwards.” Drum said.
“No – he has to be here! I want him –” Frikiza suddenly stopped talking to let out a loud scream as an almighty pain flooded through her midsection. “Arrrrrrrrrgh!”
“Frikiza, please! Let us take you to a hospital!” Piano begged. “This is no place to have a premature baby!”
“Wait – he’s premature?” Tambourine blinked.
“Of course he is, you idiot!” Piano wailed. “He isn’t due for another three months!”
“Yeah, but… he’s grown a lot this morning, right?” Cymbal reasoned.
“Yeah, I mean – look at her.” Tambourine said, pointing at Frikiza’s stomach. “That’s a normal size for a baby, right?” He looked at Kuria. “Isn’t it?”
“Well… Mama, you were about that size with me, right?” Kuria asked.
“Y… Yes.” Frikiza hissed through the pain.
“So – why is he premature? Looks to me like he’s fully grown and ready to come out.” Tambourine shrugged.
“Yeah.” Cymbal and Drum nodded in agreement.

Piano paused for a moment, thinking about it. Yes… Yes – they were right! Bass was three months early – but that due date had been based on his old rate of growth, and he’d grown a lot faster this morning. Yes… Yes! He wasn’t premature, he’d just reached full-term quicker than they’d expected!
“Yes – Boys, you’re right!” Piano declared, suddenly elated. “Frikiza –” He turned to look at her with a wide grin on his face. “He’s not early! It’ll all be fine – he’s fully gown and ready to come!”
“Yeah… feels like it.” Frikiza groaned through gritted teeth, desperately trying to keep Bass under control.
“Geez, I can’t believe we had to tell you that, Piano.” Tambourine frowned. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one?”
“Oh, shut up.” Piano growled. “I’m still smarter than all of you put together, you bunch of –”
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!” Frikiza let out an almighty scream and threw herself back against the bed, her fists clenching. “I – I can’t!” She panted. “I can’t wait for Piccolo.”
“Mama, don’t wait for him.” Kuria frowned. “If he wants to miss his own son being born, that’s up to him.”
“But… But he doesn’t know – arrgh!” Frikiza’s ki skyrocketed as the pain in her abdomen grew. “Okay!” She breathed. “Okay, he’s coming!”
What!” Piano screamed, his eyes widening. “But – he can’t come yet! None of us are sterile, and Zarba’s not –”

Right on cue Zarba burst into the room, followed by Doria. “So, Bassy-Boy, are you coming out today?”
“Zarba!” Piano gasped, watching nervously as she approached Frikiza. “You did sterilise yourself, right?”
“Sure, I had a quick rinse.” Zarba nodded.
“Wh-What?” Piano choked. “You can’t be – you have to clean yourself properly, Zarba! New-born babies can’t be around germs!”
“Oh come on, it’s half Frikiza and half demon, it’ll be fine.” Zarba said, waving her hand dismissively.
“Zarba, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Piano cried.
“Of course!” Zarba huffed. “I was at Kuria’s birth, you know.”
“Oh.” Piano uttered, a little relieved. “So you saw what the midwife is supposed to do?”
“Well… to be honest, I was just there for moral support.” Zarba admitted. “I mean – I didn’t watch, it was disgusting.”
“Uh…” The mutants sweat dropped, while Piano’s head almost exploded.
“Zarba… maybe you’re not the best person to do this…” Tambourine mumbled, slightly concerned that she didn’t seem to know how to deliver his baby brother.
“Don’t worry Tangerine, it’ll be fine.” Zarba assured. “I brought a regen tank – see.” She pointed over to the doorway, where sure enough there was a large regeneration tank blocking the room. “Doria, do you mind?”
“Yeah, I’ll put it over here.” Doria said, and pushed the tank into the corner of the room.
“What… what’s that?” Piano whimpered.
“Oh – it’s a regeneration tank.” Zarba replied. “And don’t worry, it’s state of the art technology. It can restore an entire person just from one cell.”
“And… and why would…” Piano gulped. “Why would you need that…?”
“Well I figure – if things start to go south, I’ll just rip Bass out and throw Frikiza in there.” Zarba explained cheerfully, as if it were nothing. “She’ll be good as new.”
“Oh my God…” Piano whimpered, burying his face in his hands. “They’re both going to die… King Piccolo! Where are you!”
“By the way, it’s Tambourine…” Tambourine mumbled quietly.


Over in Hell, King Piccolo was still in blissful ignorance of his child’s birth and joining in the rebellion along with his mutant army, Cell, Gine, and an army of treacherous ogres and convicts.
“Yes! Hahaha!” He exclaimed. “This is the best day ever! Yeah – hey!” He let out an angry snarl when he felt a heavy thud against his back. King Piccolo turned round to see a couple of rebellious ogres standing there, glaring at him. “Hey! What’s your problem?” King Piccolo demanded.
“You’re our problem.” One of them frowned. “You’re our enemy.”
“Huh?” King Piccolo blinked. That was weird… He could have sworn he’d just seen these two fighting on the side of the cons. “What, are you going back to King Yemma?” He snorted.
“No!” The ogres frowned. “We’re fighting against him!”
“Well then, we’re on the same side, you idiots.” King Piccolo snarled. “Now get back to destroying stuff – hey!” He quickly darted out of the way as one of them threw a kick at him. “What’s your problem!”
“We’re fighting against slavery!” One of the ogres growl back. “We want freedom from a master that doesn’t treat us right!”
“So?” King Piccolo grunted.
“So, you’re just as bad as King Yemma!” The ogres replied.
“What?” King Piccolo frowned.

The ogres flew up into the air, far above the sea of fighting rebels and the ogres who were still loyal to King Yemma.
Everyone!” They screamed. “Stop!”

The fighting stopped momentarily, with everyone looking up and the rebels giving the two ogres precisely five seconds to make their point before they continued on their rampage.
“This is an announcement to the children of King Piccolo!” One of the ogres declared.
“That’s us!” One of King Piccolo’s mutant children exclaimed, and his companions all started repeating out of sync with each other,
“That’s us! That’s us! That’s us! That’s us…”
Quiet!” The ogres screamed.
“Fucking retards.” One of them muttered to himself.
“What the hell are they doing?” King Piccolo thought to himself, glaring up at the ogres. Tch. Whatever. He raised his palm, aiming to shoot them down.
“You’ve all joined in a rebellion against King Yemma!” The ogres began, “We’re sick and tired of the way he treats us – he created us to be his slaves, and he treats us like animals.”
“No he does not!” One of the ogres still loyal to King Yemma yelled up at them.
“He treats us very well!” Another one pouted.
“No he doesn’t!” Cell grinned in an attempt to re-start the riot. “So let’s get our revenge!”
Yeah!” The rebels exclaimed.
“And we won’t stop until he treats us better and releases Frieza!” Cell declared.
“Okay!” The rebels called. Most of them were clueless as to who Frieza was, but they agreed with Cell’s other points and so they complied and continued fighting. King Piccolo lowered his palm as the fighting resumed, and he was about to join in with the destruction when the two ogres yelled once again,
Wait! We’re not finished!”

The rebels once again stopped fighting, and looked at the ogres on the off chance that they had anything interesting to say. “You’re rebelling against King Yemma,” The ogres continued on. “But what about King Piccolo?” They pointed at the demon king accusingly, drawing the crowd’s attention to him.
“Tch! What about me?” King Piccolo snarled back.
“You’re exactly the same!” The ogres protested. “You created these children of yours to be your slaves! You don’t care about them, you just want them to do whatever you want! In fact, they’re so mass-produced that they aren’t even intelligent, because you put so little effort into creating them!”
“What!” King Piccolo roared. Those bastards! They were trying to turn his own army against him! Well that was not happening!
“And that’s why they’re so mutated, because you rushed their development and made them inferior beings, just to serve you!” The ogres frowned.
“Yeah!” The non-namekian members of the crowd started to yell.
“He’s right!” One of the rebels exclaimed. “Guys – King Piccolo’s using you!”
“No!” King Piccolo yelled. Dammit! If everyone didn’t shut up right now those half-wit mutant freaks might just start believing this crap! … Well, it was true. They were just his slaves and he didn’t care about them… but he didn’t want them to know that! “It’s lies!” King Piccolo protested. “How dare you insult my children by claiming them to be no more than –”
“King Piccolo, it’s okay.”

King Piccolo turned around to see Number One at his side; he was smiling reassuringly at King Piccolo.
“Don’t worry.” Number One said. “I know we’re just slaves, but we don’t mind.”
“What?” King Piccolo blinked. “You don’t?”
“No!” Number One grinned.

He flew up to the two ogres and smiled at them. “Guys – I appreciate your concern, but we really don’t mind being King Piccolo’s slaves.” He said. “After all, we’re not really capable of doing much else.”
“What?” The ogres frowned.
“But… you’re only capable of not doing anything else because he made you so dumb and mutated.” One of them argued.
“Well, maybe.” Number One shrugged. “But… the point is, he made us, and for that we’re grateful.”
“Huh?” The ogres blinked.
“Yes!” Another mutant child of King Piccolo, this time resembling Drum, called from the crowd. He was Number Three, King Piccolo’s third born and the third most intelligent mutant down here. He flew up to the ogres alongside his brother, and looked down at the sea of rebels who were about to turn against King Piccolo as well. “Guys – don’t blame King Piccolo.” He begged. “King Piccolo may have made us to be slaves, but if he hadn’t done that he wouldn’t have made us at all.”
“Yeah, and we’d much rather exist as slaves than just not exist.” Number One nodded.
“And being his subordinates is really fun – we love causing chaos for King Piccolo, right guys?” Number Three grinned.
Yeah!” The army of less intelligent mutants exclaimed, and they all started a cheering frenzy that looked like it wouldn’t end anytime soon.
“Uh…” Number Three sweat dropped. “Sire…?”
“Yes, I know…” Number One sighed. “Silence!” He screamed, instantly silencing the over-excited mutants. “Actually, I wish King Piccolo had made them a little smarter…”
“So… it’s okay.” Number Three nodded to the ogres. “We still like serving him, regardless of what he thinks of us.”

King Piccolo stared at his children, dumbstruck. Really…? Was he actually hearing them right? They liked being his slaves? … Hmph. Well. Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t they? It was an honour to serve him after all, the Demon King Piccolo – and he only gave them fun things to do. Why wouldn’t they want to work for him? They would be foolish not to!

As King Piccolo and his children contemplated their own relationship, a faint murmur started to grow between the rebellious ogres.
“You know… they have a point.” One of them mumbled. “I’d rather exist as a slave than not exist at all.”
“Yeah, and King Yemma does give us fun stuff to do. Personally, I love bossing about the cons!” Another grinned.
“Yeah – and we get to meet such interesting people in this job.” Yet another ogre nodded.
“And it’s only fair. I mean – he gives us food and a home, so… I guess we probably should work for it…”
Yeah!” The rebellious ogres exclaimed. “We love King Yemma!”
“Guys,” A rebellious ogre turned to a group of good ogres. “We’re sorry for fighting you… Can we be friends again?”
“Of course.” The good ogres smiled. “It’s what King Yemma wants, right?”

All at once the two sides of ogres started to make peace with each other, and they all began hugging, shaking hands and apologising to one another, while King Piccolo watched in disgust.
“What the hell happened to this place?” He gagged. “It’s supposed to be a torture house, why are they all acting so weak!”
“Thanks a lot, Jackass!” Cell’s voice came from nearby, and King Piccolo looked up to see Cell and Gine approaching him. They landed in front of King Piccolo and Cell glared at the demon king. “You ruined my riot! How am I supposed to get Frieza back now?”
“I don’t care about that!” King Piccolo barked back. “You think I wanted this riot to end? I only came down here to cause chaos, and now I’m pissed off!”
“It’s okay, King Piccolo.” Number One said, coming up beside him. “We can start our own riot – we still want to destroy stuff, remember?”
“Hm? Oh…” King Piccolo blinked. Oh yeah… He had a point there. “Right!” King Piccolo grinned, suddenly cheered up. “Fine!” He looked at Cell and Gine. “Then you can join my riot.”
“No, thank you.” Gine smiled politely. “Your children made some very good points, and the ogres seem happy with King Yemma, so I wouldn’t want to get involved with a riot without a good cause… but you go on ahead – Oh!” Her eyes widened slightly as she suddenly remembered something, and she looked at King Piccolo. “And congratulations, by the way. I heard about the baby – I hope it all goes well for you.”
“Shut up, I didn’t come down here to talk about that.” King Piccolo snarled.
“But it’s very exciting, right?” Number One grinned. “I’m looking forward to seeing him on the picture box – it should be any minute now!”
“What are you talking about?” King Piccolo snorted. “He isn’t due for another three months.”
“Yeah, but Bass grew really fast.” Number One replied. “Some of the guys decided to take a break before, so they were watching the picture box and they saw Queen Frikiza pee herself, and then she said the baby’s coming.”
“Wh-What!” King Piccolo screamed, his eyes widening.
“Oh my God!” Gine gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth. “She’s in labour now?”
“I don’t know about that, but she’s having a baby.” Number One shrugged, unsure of what ‘labour’ meant. “Look, I’ll show you. Guys!” He yelled to his mutant brothers. “Bring the picture box!”
“The picture box… the picture box…”

Through yet another round of gormless chanting a spy-screen was steadily passed through the wave of mutant nameks until it finally reached Number One.
“Here.” Number One said, holding it out to King Piccolo. “See for yourself –” He barely had time to finish his sentence before King Piccolo snatched the spy-screen out of his hands and stared at it. Oh… shit.

There she was – it was Frikiza! She was lying on the bed in that birth room, with Zarba looking between her legs. What? What was Zarba doing there? Was Frikiza having a baby or lesbian sex? Wait… she was screaming, but not in a good way – and what the hell had happened to her stomach? It was way bigger than this morning! Shit… King Piccolo’s blood froze. What if she really was giving birth…?
“That’s impossible!” He cried. “He’s not due for three months!”
“Oh no…” Gine whimpered, a worried expression coming across her face.
“Well what’s the point of that?” Cell frowned. “Isn’t the whole point of pregnancy because the baby needs that long inside its mother to develop?” He said. “So what’s the point of it coming three months early? It won’t be developed enough to surv –” He stopped talking when he noticed the worried expression on Gine’s face. “… Oh.” Cell uttered quietly. “… Gine…?”
“You have to go!” Gine huffed frantically, staring desperately into King Piccolo’s eyes. “You have to see her!”
“What! No way!” King Piccolo frowned. This was totally unfair! The baby wasn’t supposed to come yet – he wasn’t supposed to come for another three months! King Piccolo wasn’t ready for him now, he didn’t have time – he was busy! “This is supposed to be my day!” King Piccolo barked. “It’s not my fault if that half breed little freak can’t stick to his own due date –”
Piccolo!” Gine yelled, causing him to flinch slightly as her sudden anger was unexpected. “You have to go – I’m telling you! If you don’t and something happens, then you’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”
“Pff!” King Piccolo snorted. “No I won’t –”
Yes.” Gine replied. “You will. Trust me.” She looked at him, her eyes glistening slightly as she spoke. “I lost my son when he was a baby – I only held him for a couple of minutes before they sent him away, and it didn’t bother me because I thought I’d get him back, but… I didn’t, and now… there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret holding him for as long as I possibly could. Please…” She whimpered. “You have to.”
“Aww…” Cell uttered quietly, his eyes shimmering as he stared at Gine. “You really miss your son that much…?”
“Of course. You would too, right?” Gine replied.
“Yeah…” Cell mumbled, then he suddenly grinned as an idea popped into his head. “Okay. Gine – if I ever get out of here, I promise that before I kill Goku I’ll make him do loads of bad stuff so that he gets sent down here with you.”
“Oh… Thank you, Cell.” Gine smiled. “That’s very sweet.”
“What – this woman is Goku’s mother?” King Piccolo thought to himself, suddenly realising who she was. Dammit! Why the hell was he listening to her? “You’re talking crap!” King Piccolo yelled defensively. “My child isn’t weak – he could be born eight months early and he’d still be fine!”
“Well I hope that’s true, but you still have to go!” Gine insisted. “Please – even if you just do it for your wife. Can’t you imagine how scared she must be? She needs you!”

King Piccolo paused for a moment. Hmph. Well… he couldn’t argue with that. Frikiza was pathetic and overly emotional at the best of times – and being pregnant had only made her worse. If he wasn’t there to see Bass’s birth, she would no doubt get all pissy about it… … But so what! That wasn’t King Piccolo’s problem! This was his day! It was the one day he had to do whatever he wanted – whatever he deserved! Bass had no right to ruin that!
“King Piccolo?” Number One’s voice came from beside him. “Are we continuing with the riot?”

King Piccolo looked down at the spy-screen, at his wife… She seemed to be in a lot of pain. She’d told him that childbirth was painful, but… She really was making a fuss of it, wasn’t she? Tch. Weakling… “King Piccolo?” Number One’s voice came again. Dammit… Dammit! King Piccolo hated today! He hated Bass! When that little brat came out, King Piccolo was going to kill it himself!
“Fine!” He screamed in frustration, and looked at Number One. “Go ahead with the riot, and I’ll join you later.”
“Okay!” Number One grinned, seemingly pleased with King Piccolo’s answer. “We’ll check in on you!” He flew up above the crowd and yelled to his mutant brothers. “Guys! We’re doing the riot, and King Piccolo will join us later! Let’s make a bloodbath for him to come back to!”
“Yeah!” The mutants cheered. “Yeah! Yeah!”
“Dammit…” King Piccolo growled, his fists clenched so hard he was drawing his own blood. That sounded like such good fun… They were going to have such a good time down here, and he couldn’t join in because of that stupid, selfish, vile woman and that stupid mutant little half breed baby –
Hold it!”

The mutants, King Piccolo Cell and Gine all looked up to see every one of the ogres together once again, glaring at the cons. “Stop this riot at once!” They yelled. “You’re all under arrest!”
“Oh – shit!” Cell growled, and cried out as a group of ogres charged towards them.
“Come on!” An authoritative voice came from behind King Piccolo, and he was suddenly grabbed by two ogres.
“Hey!” King Piccolo barked, attempting to break free. “You can’t arrest me! I’m alive, you idiots! I’m just visiting!”
“Doesn’t matter. You were part of the riot, you’re going to jail.” They replied.
“No!” Gine cried. “Please – let him go! His wife’s in labour!”
“Yeah, he’s got a premature baby on the way, you freaks!” Cell yelled.
“Then he shouldn’t be down here in the first place!” The ogres huffed, restraining King Piccolo. “Now come on –”
No!” Gine screamed.

Everyone’s eyes widened as she suddenly powered up to an incomprehensible level, breaking far beyond her limits in the traditional Goku family style. Her once small amount of ki multiplied over and over again until she almost turned super saiyan, and in one blink-of-an-eye movement she threw a large ki attack at the ogres, blasting them to the other side of Hell. Gine let out a sharp gasp, her body shocked after expelling such a large amount of ki. She panted a little, then locked her eyes onto King Piccolo and exhaled, “Run!”

King Piccolo immediately bolted away, extremely unsettled with the fact that Goku’s mother had just tried to help him. Tch! Whatever! He hadn’t needed her help, he was just about to blow the ogres away himself. All she did was waste her energy.
“Hey! Come back here!” Dammit… King Piccolo could still hear more ogres behind him. “Arrgh!” Hm? King Piccolo looked over his shoulder to see Gine and Cell fighting back his pursuers.
“Go!” Cell screamed, looking over to King Piccolo. “Get out of here!” He watched as King Piccolo turned and flew away, and Cell continued fighting back the ogres that were trying to go after him.
“Stop!” The ogres yelled. “If you help him, we’ll add more time to your sentence!”
“Fuck you, you idiots.” Cell snarled. “Gine!”
“Okay!” Gine beamed, and in one great burst of energy she and Cell blasted the ogres away.
“Ha!” Cell grinned triumphantly as he watched the pitiful ogres become mere specks in the distance. He turned his head to look at Gine with a wide grin, and she looked back with the same expression on her face.
“Hehe n_n” They sniggered together, and flashed each other a thumbs up.
Hey!” Yet more ogres suddenly yelled from above them.
“Oh yeah, there’s like a thousand more…” Cell mumbled, and stared up at the sea of ogres that were now charging at them, some of them breaking off to take on King Piccolo’s army. “Okay!” Cell and Gine both took fighting stances, and prepared to face their attackers.


Elsewhere in Hell, King Piccolo came to a halt outside Babidi’s cave, where Number Two was playing cards with Pui Pui and Yakon.
“I don’t get this game…” Number Two mumbled. “Can we play something else?”
“You don’t understand any game!” Pui Pui yelled. “You big halfwit!”
“Shut up!” Number Two pouted. “You’re just jealous because your master wants to replace you as his bodyguards! It’s not my fault if I’m stronger than you.”
“You’re not stronger than us.” Pui Pui hissed. “And we protect him just fine!”
“Well I heard he gets picked on, so you can’t be protecting him that well.” Number Two sniped.
“Yeah, he gets picked on by us.” Yakon sniggered. “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re the ones that keep pranking him.”
“Ssh! You idiot!” Pui Pui barked, glaring at Yakon. “Don’t tell that to a demon! You can’t trust a demon to keep a secret!”
“I’m telling.” Number Two grinned.
“If you do, we’ll kick your ass.” Pui Pui growled.

They all looked up to see King Piccolo standing there, looking frantic.
“King Piccolo?” Number Two blinked. “Is the riot over already?”
“No – I need Baba – move out of the way!” King Piccolo yelled, forcing his way past the three guards.
“Uh – King Piccolo, I wouldn’t!” Number Two gasped. “They’re having se –” He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before King Piccolo was already out of his sight.
“Poor guy.” Yakon sighed.
“Mm-hm.” Pui Pui nodded. “I walked in on them once. It’s disgusting.”
“He’ll kill himself for sure.” Yakon commented.
“Yep.” Pui Pui agreed.

Meanwhile King Piccolo was making his way through the cave and burst into Babidi’s room.
“Baba we have to – arrrrgh!” King Piccolo screamed, his eyes widening at the sight he saw before him. “Oh – that’s disgusting!” He fell to his knees as an overwhelming feeling of nausea engulfed him, and he suddenly threw up onto the floor.
“Hey!” Fortune-teller Baba shrieked, her face bright red as she desperately threw the bed covers over herself and Babidi. “How dare you! You can’t just barge in here – we were busy!”
“You’re disgusting!” King Piccolo yelled, wiping his mouth. “And that’s coming from me! I like horrible stuff and I think you’re – ugh!” Another wave of nausea came over him as he looked up to talk to Baba, and he threw up again.
“Hey! That’s my floor!” Babidi yelled. “You’re ruining it!”
“Serves you right for doing that stuff.” King Piccolo grunted, and spat the taste of vomit out of his mouth. “I don’t know which of you to feel more sorry for.”
“Hmph!” Baba pouted, folding her arms. “Well I’m sorry, but we can’t all be tall with huge boobs and a firm butt – some of us actually look like real women.”
“You don’t look like a real woman.” King Piccolo snarled. “Not even close – and Frikiza isn’t even tall, you’re just an ugly dwarf.”
“Oh, shut up.” Baba spat. “Babidi happens to like my body – I mean, it’s not like he can do better. Not with his size.”
“Wh-What?” Babidi gasped, his cheeks darkening as he looked at Baba. “You said I was average.”
“I… may have exaggerated.” Baba sweat dropped.
“What –”
Enough!” King Piccolo screamed, cutting Babidi off.

He spat again, now a lot more sober and annoyed that the taste of vomit wasn’t going away. Whatever. He didn’t have time to worry about that now! “Listen – Baba, put your clothes on. We’re leaving.” King Piccolo ordered, avoiding looking at Fortune-teller Baba.
“What’s the rush? I thought you would be enjoying yourself.” Baba replied as she lit up a cigarette.
“Frikiza’s having the baby!” King Piccolo yelled.
What!” Baba shrieked, dropping the cigarette from her mouth which proceeded to set the duvet alight. “Oh my God!” She cried, and leapt out of the bed. “Oh my God – it’s too early! I never predicted this!” She frantically gathered her clothes and started to get dressed. “Babidi – sorry Honey, I have to go!”
“Wha – you’re just going to leave the place like this?” Babidi screamed, his eyes burning with anger as he tried desperately to smack out the fire that was rapidly taking over his bed. “There’s puke on the floor!”
“Don’t worry – when I come back I’ll bring a maid outfit and clean it.” Baba winked.
“Gross…” King Piccolo gagged, this time managing to hold back his vomit. “Come on!” He grabbed the now fully clothed Fortune-teller Baba and threw her onto her crystal ball. “Do it!”
“Okay! Bye Babidi!” Fortune-teller Baba blew her boyfriend a kiss and opened up a portal in front of herself and King Piccolo. “Hold onto me.” She grabbed King Piccolo’s hand, and the two of them darted into the portal. It closed behind them in seconds, leaving Babidi to tackle the fire himself.
“Wait – you bitch!” Babidi wailed as his bedroom became engulfed in flames. “Pui Pui! Get the fire extinguisher!”

Chapter Text

After narrowly escaping the guards of Hell, King Piccolo finally made it back to Earth. In a secret room in Fortune-teller Baba’s castle, a portal appeared and she and King Piccolo leapt out of it. King Piccolo looked around, becoming enraged when he realised he wasn’t at home.
“Why did you bring me here!” He demanded, glaring at Baba.
“This is where the portal leads.” Baba replied.
“What? That’s no use to me!” King Piccolo barked. “I didn’t want to come to your house, you senile old witch!”
“Hmph! Well for your information, there are worse places for you to be.” Baba huffed, folding her arms stubbornly. “Forgive me for making a shortcut back to my own house! I made that portal for myself you know, so I could visit Babidi – it’s not a public transport system! Now hurry up!” She pointed towards the castle exit. “The door’s that way – if you run you’ll make it.”
“Why should I have to run!” King Piccolo screamed. “Why can’t you teleport me there!”
“Because I can’t!” Baba snapped. “Now go! Do you really want to miss your son’s birth?”

She let out a shriek and backed away as King Piccolo towered over her, glaring down at her fiercely as if he were about to rip open her throat.
“This isn’t over.” King Piccolo snarled. “Next time I come here, it’ll be to blow this place to pieces!” He bolted out towards the door, leaving Fortune-teller Baba a nervous wreck after her near death experience.


Meanwhile, back at King Piccolo’s mansion, Zarba had her head between Frikiza’s legs and was attempting to look for Bass.
“Z-Zarba!” Frikiza breathed desperately. “You know what to do, right?”
“Well… not really.” Zarba answered.
“What!” Frikiza shrieked, her eyes widening as a jolt of panic shot through her. “You said you were going to do research!”
“Well I watched Rosemary’s Baby…” Zarba replied. “But there wasn’t much about the actual birth of the baby.” She looked up at Frikiza, and grinned. “But don’t worry about it! People have been having babies for millions of years without midwives. It’s not like you need help Frikiza, people in the olden days didn’t have help.”
“And people in the olden days died in childbirth!” Frikiza hissed. “And so did their babies!”
“… Oh yeah, that’s true.” Zarba mumbled. “… Well, don’t worry! Just push a little more, he’s obviously nowhere near coming out if I can’t even see him.”
“I… I can’t.” Frikiza panted. “If I push any harder I might hurt him.”
“Frikiza, you have to.” Zarba said sternly. “You’re not pushing hard enough – do it!”
“But… but with Kuria I never –”
“I don’t care!” Zarba barked. “This isn’t a quiet little icejin baby, this is a half demon monster that’s trying to rip its way out! You have to be tough with it!”
“Okay…” Frikiza huffed, closing her eyes. Zarba was right… Frikiza was trying to hold back her power because she was so scared of hurting Bass, but… he wasn’t coming. He was holding onto her, and he’d never go down if she didn’t force him, and the longer he stayed in the more dangerous it would become… No! It couldn’t be dangerous! He had to get out – Frikiza was not putting her baby in danger! “Okay… Doria.”
“I’m here.” Doria promised, holding onto Frikiza’s hand. “It’s okay. You aren’t going to hurt him, but you have to push him down.”
“I know, I know…” Frikiza whimpered, terrified that she might screw up and attack him too hard. “Okay…” She squeezed Doria’s hand, and used her energy to forcefully push back Bass as he tried to claw his way out of her, and she pushed down. “Arrrgh!”

Outside the room, Kuria was waiting nervously with her mutant stepbrothers, after Zarba had ordered them all to leave.
“Oh no!” Piano cried frantically, grabbing his head at the sound of Frikiza screaming. “She sounds terrible! What if something’s wrong? What’s happening? What’s happening –”
“Shut up!” Kuria snapped. “You’re making me nervous! Everything’s fine, women are supposed to scream when they have babies!”
“No – no they’re not! That’s just a myth from movies!” Piano insisted. “She should be focusing on pushing – what if Bass is too strong for her? What if he’s clawing his way out?”
“Don’t be ridiculous! He’s just a little baby.” Tambourine frowned. “Frikiza can handle him.”
“What if she pushes him too hard?” Piano shrieked, instantly switching his concerns to Bass’s wellbeing. “What if he gets oxygen deprived? He’ll turn out dumb, or – oh my God!” Piano screamed, his heart racing and his panic rising as he thought the worst. “Oh my God oh my God oh my –”
“King Piccolo!”

Piano looked up at the sound of his brothers calling their father’s name, and his eyes widened when he saw King Piccolo rapidly approaching them.
“King Piccolo!” The other mutants repeated as he came close to them.
“You came!” Tambourine grinned. “I knew you would!”
“You didn’t miss anything,” Cymbal said. “Frikiza’s still in –”

Slap. Cymbal didn’t get chance to speak another word before Piano leapt up to King Piccolo’s height and slapped him across the face as hard as he could.
“Where the hell have you been!” Piano yelled at the top of his lungs. “Your wife’s in labour with a baby that’s trying to kill her, and you’re having a party with a bunch of retarded monst – …” He stopped talking when he noticed the giant purple handprint on King Piccolo’s now swollen cheek, and as the cold reality of what he’d just done hit him, Piano’s entire being became filled with dread. “K… … King… Piccolo…” Piano choked through dry lips, his eyes wide with fright. “I… I’m sorry! Oh my God – I’m so sorry!” He wailed, his face turning white. “Please don’t kill me!”

King Piccolo blinked, still trying to contemplate what had just happened. Was that real…? Did Piano just slap him…? Seriously? Piano? Since when did that little weakling have a spine? … Ha!
“Don’t worry about it, Son.” King Piccolo smirked, almost proud of the fact that Piano had suddenly become so brave, even if he was also incredibly stupid. “But…” King Piccolo stared down at Piano, and his face turned deadly as he glared at the mutant. “If you ever so much as think of touching me, or raising your voice to me again, I will liquefy you. Do I make myself clear?”
“Y… Yes.” Piano whimpered, his entire body shaking in fear. “Thank you…”
“Hmph.” King Piccolo grunted. “Okay, so where’s –”
Arrrrgh!” Frikiza’s screaming answered King Piccolo’s question for him.
“Oh, right.” He uttered, and entered the birth room.

King Piccolo’s eyes widened at the sight that greeted him. Wow. He’d often fantasised about seeing Zarba play around with Frikiza’s privates, but he’d never pictured this. This was gross!
“Oh, Inky! Nice of you to show up.” Zarba sniped, suddenly noticing him.
“You!” Doria huffed, and stormed over to King Piccolo. “Jerk!” She raised her hand and slapped King Piccolo across his other cheek, making a much bigger mark and causing him to howl in pain.
“Hey!” He snarled, glaring at Doria angrily. “You stupid fat –”
Piccolo!” Frikiza yelled, and locked her eyes onto him. “Get over here!”
“… Tch.” King Piccolo grunted, and smirked nastily at Doria. “You can go home now, Dear. I’m here now so she won’t be needing you.”
“Oh, like you’re good moral support.” Doria pouted.

King Piccolo pulled a nasty face at Doria and made his way to Frikiza’s side. He looked down at her stomach.
“So what, you just have to push him out?” King Piccolo shrugged.
“It’s… it’s not that easy.” Frikiza hissed. “He’s trying to climb out – he thinks I’m an egg!”
“What?” King Piccolo gasped. Oh… crap. This child sounded dumb. “Forget it – Zarba, stick your hand up there and blow his brains out, I’m not being father to some half breed retard.”
What!” Frikiza and Doria both shrieked.
“Well, I was thinking that myself –”
Zarba don’t you dare!” Frikiza hissed, smacking Zarba’s hand away with her tail. “I only chose you to deliver him because you’re the only person I can trust not to assassinate us, so bring him out alive!”
“Fine…” Zarba sighed, and looked up Frikiza again.
“Assassinate?” King Piccolo frowned. Oh yeah. He remembered now. Frikiza had said something about how she couldn’t hire a normal midwife in case her mother or sister paid them to kill her and Bass, so she had to go with Zarba… Tch. It was paranoia, as far as King Piccolo was concerned. “That’s ridiculous.” King Piccolo snorted.
“It is not! I’m a target!” Frikiza argued.
“Don’t worry about, it Inky.” Zarba said. “Being pregnant makes Friki super paranoid – when she was pregnant with Kuria she was convinced I was cheating on her.”
“You were cheating on me!” Frikiza yelled.
“I had one drink with a wealthy empress – and it was a business meeting to try and get her to form an alliance with you!” Zarba argued.
“Whatever, that wasn’t all that happened!” Frikiza barked.
“It was too!” Zarba yelled back.
“Guys, the baby!” Doria screamed, enraged that she actually had to remind them of the situation here.

Zarba went back to looking at Frikiza’s lower region.
“Friki, I can’t see him… You have to push again.” She said.
“What!” Frikiza gasped. “He has to be there – I’ve been pushing!”
“Well not hard enough – do it!” Zarba ordered.

Frikiza let out a groan, almost completely drained. She’d been trying so hard to stop Bass from ripping her open, and at the same time not hurting him… She couldn’t remember the last time she’d concentrated so hard! She felt exhausted!
“Okay…” Frikiza panted. “Okay.” She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as she pushed down, using all the concentration she had to not destroy the child that was still trying to cut through her.
“Okay good, I can see something.” Zarba beamed. “Keep going!”
“K…” Frikiza panted, and pushed again.

Meanwhile King Piccolo was watching Frikiza with a look of bewilderment on his face. Why was it taking so long? He spat his eggs out in seconds – surely this wasn’t much different to that? Why was Frikiza dragging this out? She was even more powerful than him for Kami’s sake – there was no way she couldn’t handle this! And he didn’t believe for a second that this was hurting Frikiza half as much as she was making out. What a drama queen.
“Oh come on Frikiza, stop being so dramatic.” King Piccolo scolded. “Just shut up and get it over with, childbirth isn’t hard.”
Doria.” Frikiza hissed.
“I’m on it!” Doria exclaimed, and grabbed hold of King Piccolo.
“Hey – argh!” King Piccolo cried out as Doria held his hands behind his back and stuffed a handful of bandages into his mouth, gagging him.
Shut up, or you’re waiting outside!” Doria barked.

King Piccolo shot Doria an angry glare, then moved his eyes to watch as Frikiza pushed again, her face twisting in pain and a scream escaping her lips.
“Pickle…” Frikiza whimpered softly when the pain subsided a little.
“Wfft?” King Piccolo breathed through his gag. He kicked back against Doria harshly, and she reluctantly pulled out the bandages and released his hands. King Piccolo approached Frikiza and flinched slightly as she grabbed him, her nails digging into his arm.
“Stay here.” She pleaded.
“Okay…” King Piccolo mumbled. What was the matter with her? She seemed kind of scared… Was something wrong? … No. No – it was just those stupid pregnancy hormones making her weak and emotional. Tch. Stupid hormones…
“Okay, Friki hold on a second.” Zarba uttered with a concerned expression on her face. “I can see his feet – he’s upside down.”
“He’s what!” Doria gasped, her eyes widening.
“No…” Frikiza sobbed, her heart stopping. Why was this happening…? Why was he upside down! “Turn him round.” Frikiza begged. “Please!”
“Let me try –”
Aiiii!” Frikiza screamed as Zarba’s hand went up to grab the baby. “Be more gentle!”
“You never used to complain about this…” Zarba mumbled, smirking slightly. “… Oh! Wait – Frikiza, he has a tail! Okay, you push as hard as you can and I’m going to pull him out really fast.”
“But if you yank him out too quick, won’t that split her…?” Doria sweat dropped.
“I don’t know, let’s find out.” Zarba answered. “Keep the tank on standby.”
“Wait – you’re not destroying her! What use is she to me then!” King Piccolo barked.
“Wow, you have your priorities right…” Doria growled, glaring at him.
“Piccolo, we have no choice!” Zarba argued. “He’s in an awkward position and he’s fighting to get out – if the cord gets damaged he’ll suffocate! We have to get him out now!” She looked at Frikiza. “Okay? I’m going to count to three.”
“Okay.” Frikiza breathed, closing her eyes. “Do it.”
“Okay.” Zarba nodded. “One, two, three!”

She yanked the baby by its tail as hard as she could while Frikiza pushed with all her might, and let out an almighty scream as a wave of white pain flooded through her.
“Got him!” Zarba exclaimed.
“I’ll cut the cord!” Doria said.
“No need, he already bit it off.” Zarba replied, carrying the baby over to a sink in the corner of the room. “You deliver the afterbirth.”
“Wait, he has teeth…?” Doria sweat dropped.
“Doria…” Frikiza panted. “Grab a bowl.”
“Oh – right!” Doria gasped, and rushed to get a bowl so Frikiza could complete the birth process.

Meanwhile, King Piccolo watched with wide eyes as Zarba moved across the room with her arms across her chest, and a tail hanging down from them. Was that Bass…? Fuck, that was Bass. He was here, he – … did he destroy Frikiza? King Piccolo moved his eyes to Frikiza and Doria, and was about to ask if Frikiza was still in a usable condition when he heard a tiny noise coming from Zarba’s arms. It only lasted a second, and it was so quiet only King Piccolo’s namekian hearing could pick it up. Was that Bass talking…? Why was he so quiet? Just how small was he? “Uh… it’s kind of torn.” Doria said as she looked down at the placenta that was now out of Frikiza’s body. She examined Frikiza’s lower region, and moved her eyes back up to Frikiza’s face. “But you’re okay – he didn’t rip you. Do you feel okay?”
“Bass…” Frikiza breathed. “I can’t hear him…” She tried desperately to listen out for any kind of noise or crying, but there was nothing.
“It’s okay.” Doria soothed, taking hold of Frikiza’s hand. “It’s okay, Zarba’s just cleaning him up.” She looked over at Zarba desperately, trying to hide her concern from Frikiza as she couldn’t hear the baby either. Why wasn’t he crying…?

Meanwhile Zarba was washing Bass under lukewarm running water, oblivious to Frikiza and Doria’s concerns as she watched the child breathing perfectly. He’d made a little noise, but he wasn’t crying – only because he was too busy chewing on what was left of his umbilical cord. Zarba let him do it. As long as Bass was distracted he would be easier to clean. Hm… He was kind of cute. He was a lot greener than Zarba had expected, though. She kind of pictured him to look like Frieza, but then again, he wasn’t a full blood icejin was he? Zarba finished rinsing down Bass’s top half, and as she repositioned him he spread out his legs… … huh.
“Hey… Doria, come here a second.” Zarba said.
“Okay…” Doria replied, and obediently approached Zarba. She looked down at the sink and was instantly relieved to see a perfectly healthy baby. “Thank God…” Doria breathed, then glared at Zarba. “You idiot!” She barked. “Why didn’t you tell us he was breathing?”
“What!” Zarba blinked. “You didn’t think he was breathing?”
“He wasn’t crying!” Doria protested.
“Doria!” Frikiza cried from the bed. “Is he okay?”
“Yes.” Doria answered. “He’s fine, he’s just chewing the cord.”
“So bring him over here!” Frikiza ordered.
“Oh. Right.” Doria uttered, and was about to scoop Bass up when Zarba stopped her.
“Wait.” Zarba said quietly. “Look.”
“What?” Doria blinked, and looked down to where Zarba was pointing. “… Oh. … Um…”

Doria looked over at Frikiza and King Piccolo, who were keenly waiting to see their new-born son. Especially Frikiza, because she’d been so looking forward to finally having a boy… … Crap. “… Uh…” Doria made her way over to the couple, and took hold of King Piccolo’s arm. “Come here a second.”
“What? Why?” King Piccolo demanded as Doria started to lead him away from Frikiza.
“Just… one second.” Doria replied, looking at Zarba nervously.

Zarba picked up Bass and wrapped the child in a blanket before approaching Frikiza. She looked down at the nervous icejin, and smiled.
“Well… the baby’s fine.” Zarba said.
“Thank God…” Frikiza smiled back, relieved. “Thank you, Zarba.” She reached out to the baby in Zarba’s arms, her eyes glistening at the sight of him. “Let me hold him.”
“Yeah, um… Frikiza, about that….” Zarba uttered, and pulled back a little of the blanket.

Frikiza moved her eyes to the part of her child that was exposed, and her eyes widened. Where was his…? … Oh – crap! Bass was a girl! Dammit! She really wanted a boy! “But the important thing is she’s healthy.” Zarba whispered to Frikiza, unaware that King Piccolo could still hear her low volume. As he stood next to Doria, frustrated and impatient, his eyes suddenly widened. He looked over at Zarba and Frikiza, and stared at the child in Zarba’s arms. It was a ‘she’…?
“I know…” Frikiza smiled, and suddenly became flooded with maternal warmth. “You’re right.” She took Bass from Zarba, and smiled down at the baby girl who was happily chewing away on her cord, oblivious to anything else that was going on around her. Frikiza giggled a little and closed her eyes, holding her new-born daughter against her. “Ssh…” She soothed softly. “It’s okay, Baby. It’s okay…” Frikiza’s heart melted at the feeling of her baby against her. She was here… A little early, but… she was here, and she was okay. Her baby.
“What are we going to tell Piccolo…?” Zarba asked quietly. “Does he even like girls?”
“I’m not sure…” Frikiza answered back, suddenly looking concerned. “I don’t know what he’ll do… He had his heart set on a boy.”
“Are you fucking nuts!”

Zarba and Frikiza looked up to see King Piccolo staring at them. Oh, crap!
“He heard us?” Zarba gasped.
“Yeah – I have good hearing!” King Piccolo barked.
“Oh…” Frikiza whimpered. “Pickle – don’t be mad. The important thing is that she’s healthy.”
“Yeah, I know – and she’s a girl!” King Piccolo grinned.
“Huh?” Zarba, Frikiza and Doria all blinked, shocked by his enthusiasm.
“Wait – did you want a girl?” Doria asked King Piccolo.
“No.” King Piccolo answered bluntly. “I didn’t ‘want’ anything, I just thought it would be a boy.”
“So… are you mad?” Frikiza uttered.
“What? No! Why the hell would I be mad?” King Piccolo barked. “Frikiza – I have literally thousands of sons, and they’re all either dumb or weak, or both! And now you’re telling me I have a daughter. That’s completely different!” His eyes lit up in delight and a wide grin spread across his face as he held his hands out to the child. “Bring her here!”

Frikiza stared in shock at the expression on King Piccolo’s face. He actually looked excited. She really wasn’t expecting that. Maybe he thought a girl would be smart and strong… the opposite to his sons, right? Well apparently, anyway. Frikiza really didn’t think King Piccolo gave his sons as much credit as they deserved – “Come on!” King Piccolo demanded impatiently. “Bring her here – now! Now now now now now!”
“Okay.” Frikiza giggled, and handed the baby to Zarba. “Be careful with her.”
“Yeah, whatever.” King Piccolo grunted as he met Zarba halfway. “Thanks –”
“Hold on.” Zarba said sternly, pulling Bass back. “Watch me – you have to hold her like this. Always support her head.”
“Yeah yeah, I got it.” King Piccolo growled. “Come on!”

Zarba eyes up King Piccolo suspiciously, a little disturbed by his sudden keenness to hold a baby he hadn’t previously cared all that much about. Hm… Well, he was a demon, wasn’t he? And demons fed off innocence… and a new-born baby girl was the most innocent thing in the world…
“… You aren’t going to eat her, are you?” Zarba asked.
“What? Of course not!” King Piccolo barked. “Why would I do that?”
“Well… you are a demon, and she’s an innocent.” Zarba replied.
“Ha!” King Piccolo snorted. “You’re kidding right? That is my child, there’s no way she’s innocent! Now give her to me!”
“Okay.” Zarba smirked, satisfied with his answer. “Congratulations, Daddy.”

She handed the baby over to her father, and King Piccolo stared down at his new-born child. He studied her intently, amazed by how small she was. She was stupidly small – much smaller than Frikiza’s stomach! Even Junior wasn’t this small, right? Her entire body didn’t even fill the length of King Piccolo’s forearm. … She looked like a Namek. She had antennae, and she was green… a little paler than Junior. There was no pink on her though, and her skin was smooth all over. She had black nails – actually they were more like claws… and she had a tail like Frikiza’s, and the same black lines running down her cheeks that Frikiza had in her final form. Her eyes were closed… Was she sleeping? Oh, wait… She was opening her eyes. They were red, like her mother’s. She had black lips as well… Now that King Piccolo thought of it, she looked at lot like Frikiza. Frikiza, with claws and fangs, and antennae… … She was beautiful. King Piccolo stared at the baby in confusion as a strange feeling overcame him. Hm… What was that? “What do you think?” Zarba’s voice came from beside him.
“… I feel weird.” King Piccolo mumbled. Zarba giggled.
“You mean you love her?” She smiled.
“What? No!” King Piccolo barked, glaring at Zarba. “That’s disgusting! She’s my daughter!”
“Wha – I didn’t mean it like that!” Zarba protested. “I meant paternal love, you idiot!”
“… Oh.” King Piccolo grunted. “… Hmph.” He stared back down at the baby. “Well… not that either.” But he did feel something… a kind of warmth, like he wanted to smile. Was Zarba right…? Was this paternal love? This warm, fuzzy feeling… rising up his body and… … fuck, it was something else!

King Piccolo threw the baby back into Zarba’s arms and darted towards the sink to throw up, finally reaching the down point of his alcohol intake.
“Oh my God!” Doria gasped with wide eyes.
Piccolo!” Frikiza screamed, enraged. “How the hell can you throw up over your daughter!”
“It’s not her!” King Piccolo argued. “It’s food poisoning – we have to fire our chefs!”
Again?” Frikiza hissed icily. “Why can’t you just accept you can’t handle your alcohol?”
“I can handle my –”
“And why were you getting drunk when I was in labour!” Frikiza screamed.
“You weren’t supposed to do it for another three months!” King Piccolo yelled back. “It’s not my fault she can’t arrive on time – look at the size of her, she hasn’t even grown yet!”
“She is a little smaller than I expected.” Doria admitted, looking over at Bass as Zarba placed her on a set of scales and King Piccolo continued puking out his alcohol intake.
“Five pounds nine ounces.” Zarba announced. “That’s still bigger than Kuria’s birth weight.”
“Yeah, but look at the size of Piccolo.” Doria replied. “I thought she’d be like ten pounds.”
“Wait… Five nine?” Frikiza uttered.
“Yeah.” Zarba answered, and suddenly became confused as Frikiza and King Piccolo looked at each other. “Why? What about it?”
“I guess that’s why she came today.” Frikiza smiled. “Before she grew anymore.”
“Huh?” Zarba and Doria blinked. “What –”
King Piccolo!”

A desperate cry came from outside the room, and everyone looked towards the door. “Is everything okay?” Piano cried from the other side of the closed door. “It all went quiet!”
“Is Bass okay?” Tambourine’s voice came.
“Is Mama?”
“Your mama’s fine, Kuri.” Zarba called back. She looked at Frikiza and King Piccolo and smirked. “Should we let them in?”
“Sure.” Frikiza smiled.
“Come on!” Zarba called to the others, and they immediately burst into the room.
“King Piccolo!” Piano cried. “How is he – ugh!” His face twisted in disgust and he clasped his hands over his nose. “What’s that smell?”
“Your father got drunk and threw up.” Doria frowned.
“Me drinking was nothing to do with it!” King Piccolo yelled.
“This isn’t a good environment for a baby…” Piano whimpered.
“Hey – so King Piccolo, is he born now?” Tambourine grinned.
“Yeah…” King Piccolo spat the taste of vomit out of his mouth, and went to take Bass from Zarba. “The baby’s born.”
“And – he’s okay?” Cymbal asked.
“No…” King Piccolo replied with a smirk. “He’s not.”

King Piccolo grinned at the looks of horror on the mutants and Kuria’s faces. Ha! Fooled them!
“Piccolo…” Frikiza sighed. “Don’t.”
“Oh no…” Piano whimpered, his eyes glistening. “Is there… something wrong with him?”
“Not him.” King Piccolo answered. He pulled back Bass’s blanket and held the baby up to the mutants, and their eyes widened.
“Hey… he doesn’t have a thing.” Drum said.
“Wait, so… do icejin babies not grow their thing until later?” Cymbal frowned. “How do they pee?”
“You idiots!” Kuria barked. “It’s obviously a girl!”
“A girl?” The mutants gasped, genuinely shocked.
“Wait – so the baby is okay?” Tambourine uttered.
“Well, that’s a relief.” Cymbal sighed.

Piano took a moment to process the news, and when he realised King Piccolo had fooled them, he glared angrily at the demon king.
“You jerk!” Piano yelled. “How could you do that? We were all worried sick, you big bastard –” He suddenly stopped himself when he realised he was once again yelling at King Piccolo. …Crap. “Uh…” Piano whimpered, shaking. “Please… don’t kill me.”
“I told you not to do it again.” King Piccolo replied coldly.
“But –”
“Shut up Piccolo, you deserved it!” Frikiza barked. “That was horrible of you to let them think something was wrong!”
“But nothing’s wrong?” Kuria asked, looking at Frikiza with concern.
“No.” Frikiza smiled. “You just have a baby sister.”
“Aww.” Piano, Tambourine and Cymbal all smiled, while Drum looked somewhat displeased.
“A sister? That’s cool!” Tambourine grinned.
“Hmph.” Drum grunted, and folded his arms sulkily. “I wanted a brother.”
“I can’t believe none of us expected it.” Piano said. “We all assumed it would be a boy because it’s half namek, but… it’s also half icejin.”
“Guys – look how little she is!” Cymbal gasped. “She must weigh like two pounds!”
“Five pounds nine.” Frikiza replied with a grin.
“Five-nine?” Piano repeated, looking at her. “As in Piccolo Day?”
“Yeah.” King Piccolo grinned. “See. She’s already trying to honour me – that’s because she knows that I deserve admiration and respect. You boys should be more like your sister.”
“Yes, King Piccolo…” The mutants answered robotically.
“This isn’t fair!” Drum wailed. “I was looking forward to having a little brother!”
“You already have a little brother.” Zarba said.
“Junior doesn’t count.” Drum pouted.
“Piccolo… can I hold the baby?” Kuria asked, staring up at her stepfather.
“Hm? Oh… yeah, fine.” King Piccolo shrugged, and was about to hand the baby over when Piano stepped in between them.
“Wait!” Piano shrieked. “Kuria – you have to wash your hands thoroughly before you handle a new-born –” He didn’t get chance to speak another word before King Piccolo booted him into the wall.
“Shut up, Piano.” King Piccolo growled. “No amount of germs can harm my child.”

He handed the baby to Kuria, and Kuria walked towards her mother with the mutants following closely behind. Everyone gathered round the infant, staring down at her in admiration as she lay fast asleep, lightly sucking on her own tail.
“She’s beautiful.” Doria smiled. She nudged Zarba lightly, and smirked. “Well done.”
“I told you it’d be easy.” Zarba shrugged. “I don’t know why people go to school to be a midwife, all you have to do is say ‘push’ and the mother does all the work.”
“I think you were just lucky Frikiza was capable of doing the work…” Doria sweat dropped. “Not all births are that easy, you know.”
“Well… sure, I guess if the baby doesn’t have a tail to pull there’s a little skill involved…” Zarba replied. “But educating an icejin midwife is the biggest waste of time in the world.”
“Uh-huh…” Everyone sweat dropped.


Meanwhile, below the world of the living, everyone in Hell was watching the birth of King Piccolo and Frikiza’s child on a giant viewing orb.
“Aww…” The crowd uttered, touched by the heart-warming scene of the whole family gathered around the new baby demon.
“She’s so beautiful…” Gine smiled, her eyes glistening. “I’m so happy for them.”
“Yeah, me too.” Cell grinned.
“Yeah. Glad it worked out.” The ogres nodded from behind Cell and Gine as they also watched the scene and were happy to see everything had gone well. “… … Okay! Time’s up! In the cocoon!”
“Hey! Quit pushing!” Cell barked, and struggled against the ogres as they marched he and Gine away in handcuffs, along with King Piccolo’s army and the rest of the captured rioters.

Chapter Text

In the King Piccolo Mansion, the family were still marvelling at their new addition.
“She sleeps a lot.” Tambourine commented. “I mean – we’re all here and she hasn’t even noticed.”
“New-born babies can sleep through anything.” Doria said with a grin.
“Mama… are you still going to call her Bass?” Kuria asked. “It sounds kind of masculine.”
“Actually, I was thinking that myself…” Piano uttered.
“I know… I don’t think she’d suit ‘Bass’.” Frikiza said, and looked at King Piccolo. “What do you think?”
“Call her something else.” King Piccolo smirked. “It would be an insult to her to pair her with Drum anyway.”
“Wha – King Piccolo!” Drum whined. “You said you would call the baby Bass! Like ‘drum and bass’!”
“Sorry, but… that was when we thought it would be a boy.” Frikiza said apologetically. “But why don’t you help us think of a new name?”
“… Hmph.” Drum folded his arms and looked away stubbornly. “No. it’s not my fault if she can’t get her sex right. I’d still call her ‘Bass’.”
“Hey – how about ‘Tambour’?” Tambourine grinned. “That does sound like a girly name.”
“Or Sambal.” Cymbal said.
“Or ‘Keyboard’.” Piano beamed.
“Aren’t those all the names you guys suggested originally?” Frikiza giggled. “When you thought it was a boy?”
“Uh…” The mutants sweat dropped.
“Yeah, but… they’re unisex.” Tambourine insisted. “So they’d still work.”
“They’re ridiculous.” King Piccolo snorted. “Why would I want to give her a name that reminds me of any of you? Think of something else!”

Everyone went quiet as they tried to think of a name for the new baby, while Drum grunted angrily and stared down at her. Hmph. Stupid little brat. Why was she a girl? She wasn’t supposed to be a girl! She couldn’t even stay awake. That was just rude! She wasn’t honouring King Piccolo – she was too lazy to even open her eyes and look at him. Maybe they shouldn’t call her ‘Bass’. Now that he thought about it, Drum didn’t even want their names to go together. He should think of something totally different just to make sure they weren’t associated with one another. … Hm.
“How about ‘Viola’?” Drum huffed.

The others all stared at him, seemingly in awe.
“‘Viola…’?” Frikiza repeated.
“Drum – that’s a beautiful name!” Doria gasped.
“Huh?” Drum blinked, and blushed slightly. “It is…?”
“Yeah,” Doria smiled at him, and looked at Frikiza and King Piccolo. “What do you guys think?”

Frikiza looked down at the baby that was now in her arms. Hm… ‘Viola’…?
“… It’s perfect.” Frikiza smiled. “Pickle?”
“Hmph.” King Piccolo shrugged. “I suppose it’s the best so far…”
“Okay.” Frikiza beamed. “It’s Viola. Thanks, Drum!”
“Yeah – good job!” Doria grinned, and patted Drum on the back. Drum’s cheeks darkened as she touched him. Really…? He didn’t suggest that name to get praise or anything… But Doria’s palm sure was soft and warm…
“Thanks…” Drum mumbled shyly, unable to look at Doria through the huge crush that he had on her.
“Hm.” King Piccolo uttered, and smirked down at his new-born child. “So,” He scooped the baby up out of Frikiza’s arms and held her in front of his face. “Listen – wake up.” King Piccolo ordered, his patience rapidly declining with every second that she didn’t respond. “Hey! I’m talking to you!”

He waited for the baby to open her eyes, but she remained asleep. What? How dare she! Her master was talking to her, she had no right to be asleep! How dare she defy him! “Hey!” King Piccolo growled. “That is an order! Wake up now!” He waited again, but she still didn’t look at him. The insolent little brat… If she didn’t open her eyes and look at King Piccolo immediately he would rip her antennae clean off – … Hm. King Piccolo calmed down a little when the baby finally opened her eyes. Tch. Good. “That’s more like it.” He said. “Now listen,” King Piccolo began. “Your name is Viola, do you understand? And your mission is to kill Goku.”
“Oh my God…” Zarba smirked, and laughed. “Seriously?”
“Shut up!” King Piccolo barked at her. He moved his attention back to Viola and looked at her sternly. “Well? Do you understand?” No response… She was just staring at him. She didn’t even attempt to respond. The little brat! Who the hell did she think she was? He was the Demon King Piccolo, and she was his subordinate! “Hey!” King Piccolo snapped. “I order you to answer me!”
“Pickle, she can’t talk!” Frikiza protested.
“What?” King Piccolo looked at her. Really…? Was that right…? Frikiza had already told him that icejin babies didn’t walk for over a year, but… they didn’t even talk either? What the hell use was that! “So what can she do?” King Piccolo demanded.
“Not a lot.” Frikiza giggled. “Whatever she’s doing now, that’s about it.”
“What – but how long will this last!” King Piccolo protested. “She has to start training – …” He stopped for a moment. Actually, now that he thought of it, what was Viola’s power level…? King Piccolo had felt a rise in energy when Frikiza was giving birth, but with everything that was going on he hadn’t really paid attention. He’d assumed Frikiza was the source of the new energy, but… this didn’t feel like Frikiza’s ki. Now that he focused on it more, this was new… and it was powerful! Was this Viola’s energy? It was unbelievable! It had to be at least fifty thousand, if not more! And she was born like this? Oh – there was no way she wasn’t training now! “Can’t you feel her?” King Piccolo protested. “She has a higher power level than all of these morons put together, are you seriously telling me I have to wait for her to use it?”
“Sorry.” Frikiza smirked. “But yeah. She can’t do anything with it now.”
“Why am I a moron? I thought of her name.” Drum frowned.

King Piccolo snorted angrily, and looked down at Viola. This was unbelievable. This was unbelievable! She had all this power and it would take her what, at least a year to use it? That was madness! … Hm. But then again, that was only based on icejin growth… Viola was half namek as well. What if she was more like Junior? Junior had gone from being a baby to walking around and using his power in just three days. … Well… three days was still a tediously long amount of time, but… so long as Viola completed her mission promptly and with a lot of Goku’s blood shed, maybe King Piccolo could wait. It would be on the condition that she would make Goku suffer, though. Suffer immensely – him and his entire family!
“Okay.” King Piccolo huffed, and looked down at his child. “Viola, your training will start three days from now, so you have three days to grow, do you understand? You need to be able to walk and talk by the time we begin – otherwise you will suffer.”
“But he does realise she has no control over that, right…?” Zarba sweat dropped, while Frikiza giggled.
“Just enjoy her while she’s small, Pickle.” Frikiza smiled. “You can train her when she’s older.”
“Enjoy her?” King Piccolo snorted. “How am I supposed to enjoy her? She doesn’t do anything –”

He suddenly stopped talking when Viola’s tail came in front of her face. She’d been waving it around constantly in some kind of involuntary movement, but now it had come in front of her face, and its tip touched her lips… and she instinctively opened her mouth. King Piccolo watched as Viola nibbled on her own tail, not seeming to realise that it was part of her body. … … Hm. Actually, that was kind of cute. … Or dumb. Why didn’t she realise that was her own tail? She was so stupid… No wonder she’d got her birth date wrong.
“Mama, I think she’s hungry.” Kuria said.
“Oh – we’ll be outside.” Piano uttered, blushing slightly at the thought of Frikiza… ‘exposing’ herself.
“What do we have to go outside for?” Tambourine questioned.
“You don’t have to, I guess… just look away.” Frikiza replied.
“Don’t you need a bottle to feed the baby?” Cymbal asked.
“Well… yeah, but I’m going to breastfeed her too.” Frikiza nodded.
“Oh!” Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum gasped, suddenly realising why they had to leave.
“Oh yeah… I forgot that.” Tambourine mumbled.
“What? Did you think these were just for show?” Zarba smirked, pushing up her own boobs up in front of him.
“Uh…” Tambourine whimpered, his face turning violet.

Meanwhile Drum was heading for the door, when he saw a bowl that contained something that looked like a torn up steak.
“Hey, what’s this thing?” He asked.
“That’s the placenta – it feeds the baby when she’s in the womb.” Doria explained. She looked at Frikiza. “You know… you should it eat. It’s supposed to be high in nutrients – it’ll help you get your strength back.”
“That’s gross! I’m not eating that.” Frikiza frowned. “I’d rather just go to sleep – throw it out.”
“So it’s like the yolk in an egg?” Tambourine questioned.
“Yeah, I suppose so…” Frikiza answered. “Some people eat it, but I never ate mine.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s disgusting!” Frikiza protested. “If you guys want it you’re welcome to it, just don’t give it to me!”
“It looks like a steak…” Drum said.
“Can I have it?” Cymbal asked.
“Be my guest!”

As they were talking, King Piccolo stared at the bowl. Hm… So that’s what that thing was. He’d wondered what that huge piece of meat was for – he’d assumed it was part of the umbilical cord, but… high in nutrients? That was perfect! And it was the same size as Viola – it would definitely be enough to help her grow! “Anyway,” Frikiza sighed. “I have to feed the baby. So, Pickle, pass her to me –” She stopped talking when she noticed King Piccolo making his way over to the bowl with Viola. “Uh… what are you – Piccolo!” Frikiza shrieked as she watched her husband lower their new-born baby onto the giant steak. “What the hell are you doing! She’s a baby!”
“Oh shut up Frikiza, she has teeth – she obviously needs to eat meat.” King Piccolo replied.
“King Piccolo, no!” Piano wailed, panicking. “What if she chokes! And it’s not clean – that bowl could be full of dangerous organisms –” He was suddenly cut off when King Piccolo’s hand darted across the room and slammed Piano’s face straight into the floor.
“‘Dangerous organisms’? Ha!” King Piccolo exclaimed. “She is a dangerous organism!” He watched with pride as Viola ate her first meal, her tiny fangs chomping down hungrily and her claws shredding at the meat as if she were a wild animal.
“Well, she is a demon.” Zarba shrugged. “Maybe she needs a little more than milk.”
“Or she doesn’t, and she’ll puke it up.” Frikiza sighed.

King Piccolo looked down at Viola with a proud grin on his face as she devoured the entire thing in only a minute. She coughed, and yawned, and as she lay sleepily in the bowl her tail brushed past her lips again. She instinctively opened her mouth and began sucking lightly as if the tail were a pacifier. Then within seconds her eyes were closed again, and she was fast asleep. Hm. King Piccolo sniggered a little. She had simple needs. … That didn’t mean she was simple, did it? He already had enough dumb children; he had no time or patience for another one. Hmph. King Piccolo scooped Viola up in his arms and held his hand over her tiny frame, and all of a sudden she was fully clothed. He’d dressed her in a sleep suit that was the same colour as King Piccolo’s gi, with the trademark daimao symbol on it. Ha. Now she looked the part. With the daimao symbol on her clothes and blood on her claws and lips, there was no doubt in the world that she was King Piccolo’s child. And this one would definitely not be a failure.


Meanwhile, below the world in Hell, Frieza had an angry look on his face as he was still trapped in his cocoon and forced to watch yet another teddy bear parade.
“So let me get this straight…” He hissed through gritted teeth, almost breaking his jaw. “You went to King Yemma to get me released from here… and instead you ended up getting arrested after starting a riot with Goku’s mother?”
“Don’t say it like that!” Cell yelled back from a cocoon next to him. “At least I tried!”
“You tried and failed!” Frieza barked. “Why the hell did you even start a riot over that anyway? Children are supposed to be abused!”
“You sound like Vegeta’s parents.” Cell sniped.
“What!” Frieza gasped, appalled. “How… How dare you! How dare you compare me to those monkeys, you big stupid bug –”
“Ssh! Guys, stop it!” Gine scolded from the next cocoon down. “I’m trying to watch the parade!”

Frieza and Cell started at Gine in disbelief as she smiled and laughed in delight at the cute teddy bear parade before them. “Oh, this is lovely!” Gine beamed. “It’s such a nice break from the rest of Hell.”
“You can really stand to watch this forever…?” Cell uttered.
“Well no, not forever. Just a few of these would drive me crazy.” Gine giggled. “But just for one day it’s wonderful.”
“What? One day?” Cell cried. “I have to spend a month in here! Why do you only get a day?”
“Well… they said because I haven’t really done anything bad before, my punishment can be less severe.” Gine replied. “Actually… I’m only in Hell because all residents of Planet Vegeta were automatically sent here, but I’ve been told I can apply to be moved up to Heaven if I want to, so long as I behave and don’t do anything saiyan-like.”
“So why don’t you?” Cell asked.
“Well… all my family and friends are down here. I’d hate to spend eternity away from them.” Gine said. “I’m much happier staying put.”
“You have such a positive outlook on life…” Frieza commented, his face twisting in disgust. “Now I can see where Goku gets it from.”
“What!” Gine cried. She looked over at Frieza, her eyes shimmering. “Do you really mean that…? You think Kakarot is like me…?”
“Well… he’s soft.” Frieza answered.
“Actually, he has your eyes.” Cell said, looking at her.
“Really…?” Gine whimpered. “Oh… Guys, thank you so much!” Her entire face lit up in delight and she almost wept with joy. “I always think he looks like his father, it’s so kind of you to say he’s like me too! Thank you thank you thank you!”
“Uh…” Frieza and Cell sweat dropped.
“That wasn’t meant as a compliment.” Frieza growled.

Gine gasped, and looked at Cell as a thought occurred to her. “Cell – if you and Frieza are in here, who’s watching the boys?”
“Well… Zarbon’s hardly home anymore.” Cell replied glumly. “Dodoria’s there, but he really struggles with them. They don’t respect him much.”
“Nobody respects him much.” Frieza said with a smirk.
“Well… feel free to say no, but if you don’t mind I could check in on them for you?” Gine offered. “I’m not sure if they’d take to me, but… back home I was always good at calming the wild kids down.”
“What? Really?” Cell gasped. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course!” Gine nodded. “I’d hate to see seven children go orphaned – it’s bad enough that they’ve lost one parent. I’ll help in any way I can.”
“Oh my God – thank you so much, Gine!” Cell exclaimed. “You’re a wonderful person!”
“Oh…” Gine blushed. “Well… I did some bad things in my life, so I guess I should try to be good now…” She smiled at him. “Actually, you’re pretty nice too.”
What?” Frieza snarled, becoming more enraged at the good vibes that were rapidly growing between Cell and Gine.
“Do you want to be friends?” Cell asked her.
“Okay!” Gine beamed. “That would be lovely!”
“What – no!” Frieza screamed, and glared at Cell. “Cell, you can’t be serious! That’s the mother of Goku! He killed you, remember? We’re his enemy!”
“Well… yeah, but that’s nothing to do with Gine.” Cell shrugged. “I mean, if you’d turned out exactly how your papa wanted you to, you wouldn’t be gay.”
“I’m not gay, I’m bisexual.” Frieza growled.
“I’m not sure he sees a difference.” Cell replied flatly. He turned back to Gine. “When I get out, do you want to take the kids to the amusement park with me?”
“Sure, that would be fun!” Gine beamed.
No!” Frieza screamed. “No no no no no –”
“Ssh!” Gine hissed. “Hold on – I want to see this part.” She watched as the teddy bears performed an elaborate dance with flowers and twirls, and she started to cheer. “Oh! That’s wonderful!”
“I don’t get why she likes this.” Cell commented, completely unentertained by the adorable parade.
“I don’t get why you like her.” Frieza coldly replied.


Meanwhile, elsewhere in Hell, Fortune-teller Baba was in what was left of Babidi’s bedroom, after he and his assistants had finally put out the fire that was caused by Baba’s cigarette. She was sitting next to Babidi on the bed, having just cleaned up his room. She was wearing a French maid outfit as promised, and the two of them were watching King Piccolo and his family on her crystal ball.
“Oh… that’s lovely.” Baba smiled. “You know, I was a little nervous that Piccolo wouldn’t want a girl, but he seems to like this one even more than Junior.”
“I thought he didn’t like Junior at all.” Babidi commented, bored out his mind as he stared numbly at the crystal ball.
“Well… yes, that’s a good point.” Fortune-teller Baba replied. “But would you like it if your child teamed up with the guy that killed you and raised his kid?”
“I wouldn’t know, I don’t want children.” Babidi grunted.
“What?” Baba looked at him. “Never?”
“What’s it to you?” Babidi frowned. “It’s not like you can have kids anymore.”
“Wha – how rude!” Fortune-teller Baba barked. “What makes you think that, you cheeky little bastard! I have years of life left in me yet!”
“Oh really?” Babidi replied with a smirk.

He moved over to Baba and nuzzled her neck. “Well then, what are we doing sitting here? Take that off, you dirty little maid.”
“Oh… stop it.” Baba giggled, blushing. “Okay… just let me look at their future.”
“What?” Babidi groaned. “Didn’t you regret it the last two times you did that?”
“Yes, but then it all worked out for the best.” Babidi grinned. “So all I’ve learned is that I should definitely poke my nose into other people’s business.”
“Fine.” Babidi growled impatiently. “Just hurry up!”
“Patience, my darling.” Baba crooned and tapped his nose, causing Babidi to blush.

Baba chanted into her crystal ball to bring up King Piccolo and Frikiza’s future. Well… what harm could come from it? Everything always worked out in the end, so it wouldn’t do any harm to have one teeny little peek – “Aii!” Fortune-teller Baba screamed and leapt back, her eyes widening at what she saw.
“What!” Babidi gasped. “What is it?”
“Oh no!” Baba wailed, covering her eyes. “I shouldn’t have looked! Why did I look!”
“Okay, that does it!” Babidi yelled, glaring at the crystal ball. “This thing is nothing but trouble!”
“Wait!” Baba gasped as Babidi picked up the crystal ball. “Babidi, what are you – aii!” She screamed loudly as Babidi threw the ball into the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces. “You idiot!” Baba roared. “What did you do that for!”
“Because it’s pissing me off!” Babidi huffed.
“You moron – without that the portal won’t work!” Baba wailed. “I can’t get home!”
“Oh…” Babidi replied, and smirked. “Well then… I guess you’ll have to be my prisoner.” His eyes lit up with lust as he moved closer to Babidi, leering at her. “My little maid…”
“No!” Baba shrieked, pushing him away. “Get off me, you bastard! You have to figure out a way to fix it! I can’t be stuck down here with all these criminals! Get off me!”

Fortune-teller Baba screamed so loudly her voice could be heard all through Hell. She kicked Babidi away and cursed at him wildly, causing a loud, whiny argument between the two, and while they bickered with all their might the image of King Piccolo and Frikiza’s future still flickered across the pieces of Fortune-teller Baba’s crystal ball.