Chapter Text
Djaq sat by the bonfire, looking at the flames. She smiled. It was nice to see people just being happy, dancing and eating without fear, or worries.
She could remember a time of her childhood, before her family was destroyed by war, when her father took her and her brother to the desert for a short trip. That night they had slept in a tent, under the stars, and, before going to bed, their father told them the ancient tales of their people, sitting around a bonfire.
She missed her family, but she knew that she had been lucky. Instead of ending her life as a slave in the mines, she was saved by Robin and his friends.
They were her new family now.
Allan came to sit near her, and she averted her eyes from the flames to look at him. He was different, now: cleaner, wearing finer clothes, but above all he looked more relaxed and confident.
“You came, then,” he said, smiling. “And Robin too! I didn’t think he would.”
“Much really wanted to come, for the food, and John and Will didn’t like the idea of a celebration for Gisborne, but it’s still a celebration, a time to be happy and forget all the bad things. We all needed it, even Robin.”
“He isn’t going to cause trouble, is he?” Allan asked, a little worried. “I know that you all don’t like Giz, but...”
“But you do.”
“Is it such a terrible sin?”
The girl looked at him.
“You ask me that? He was the henchman of the man who killed your brother! Did you already forget it? If I could find the person who killed my twin...”
Allan sighed.
“I could never forget that day... But it wasn’t Giz who killed Tom.”
“Why do you defend him?”
“Because he’s a victim of the Sheriff too. He has many faults, and he wronged many people, I know this, I’m not a blind idiot, but he’s a decent man.”
Djaq stared at him.
“But there’s something else, isn’t it?”
“He sees me.”
The girl frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“When I was with you all in the forest, that’s all I was, just a member of the gang. Robin gives the orders, he makes his plans, and we obey. But in Robin’s eyes we are all the same, there’s no difference between me, you, Will, John or even Much.”
“This is a good thing, isn’t it? We are all equals.”
“Yes, we are all equals… under Robin.”
“He’s our leader. A gang needs a leader.”
Allan sighed.
“I know, but maybe I’m not made to be a follower.”
Djaq looked at him.
“You follow Gisborne, what’s the difference? It’s so much better being Gisborne’s servant than a member of Robin’s gang?”
“Look, I know that this might sound funny, but Giz listens to me. And if I do well, he acknowledges it. You didn’t hear what he said earlier, in front of everybody. He praised me, he spoke as if I was a hero, he gave me part of the credit of the success of our mission. I’ve never felt like that, never in my life!”
“Like that, how?”
“As if I mattered. As if somebody cared about me.”
“Robin cares for you! We all care for you.”
“But you don’t need me. Giz does. I’m important for him. Can you say the same for Robin and the gang?”
“So… I guess that you won’t come back?”
Allan looked at the girl. Her tone, usually witty, was softer, almost sad.
“I miss you all, I swear I do. But I think that maybe I found my place in the world.” He grinned cheerfully. “But that doesn’t change anything! I won’t be part of the gang, but we are still friends! Well, if you want to, obviously...”
“Of course I want!” She said, maybe a little too quickly.
Allan searched for her eyes, serious for once in his life.
“I will never forget what you did for me in that alley, when Tom died. Maybe I never thanked you for staying with me, but I’m grateful.”
Djaq didn’t answer, and they stared at each other in an uneasy silence. Djaq felt her cheeks becoming hot despite the cold of the night.
“Just that you know, I always saw you,” she said after a while, a little grumpily, and Allan smirked at her.
“Really?”
“Do you think it’s so strange?”
“And tell me… will you miss me?”
The girl didn’t avert her eyes, even if she blushed a little more, and stared at him.
“I already do,” she said, not ashamed to be sincere.
Allan smiled again, and Djaq smiled too, then they joined their smiles. And their lips.
The cheerfulness of Knighton's peasants had involved him, contagiously, and finally won over him.
It had been such a long since the last time he had seen or attended a party.
The smell of roasted pork, meat pies, freshly baked honey sweets, mead, all invited him to leave everything behind his shoulders, to be happy for one night.
Next to the big fire he no longer felt the cold of the winter. Robin couldn’t tell if it was the abundant drink of mead he had, or seeing the joyful smile on the faces of the people, their cheerfulness, their relief, to make him feel finally serene, but, whatever the cause, all he wanted was to share this moment with the others.
Especially with the dearest person to his eyes and to his heart.
Robin felt different, he felt light, as if he was younger, freer, stronger. As if he had regained the lightness of his lost youth.
People danced to the funny music from improvised players. A brunette girl tried to involve him in a dance. She took his hands, smiled at him.
Robin only opposed a slight resistance, letting himself be dragged among the others, dancing, smiling.
For one night he didn’t want to think about his troubles, being now an outlaw, a renegade, after being a young war hero, and a good young master before going to war.
It wouldn’t last forever, Robin repeated to himself.
The king would come back, he would return his lands, his home, to him.
If nothing else, with Alexander managing it now, no one would have to suffer, there. He would be fair, right, to his people. Until his return.
But it was just a little consolation.
If Robin knew first what would happen after he left for the Holy Land, he would never had left, in the first place. Never left Locksley. And Marian.
He instinctively left the hands of the brunette girl who had dragged him into the dance and who kept looking for further contact with him.
Leaving the improvised dance floor, Robin saw Edward sitting in the corner, James near him.
He saw his comrades, some of them busy drinking and eating, others having fun among the people.
Much, red face for embarrassment, drunkenness, cheerfulness, tried to find the right words to talk to a young blonde, who was smiling to another boy.
Little John had filled his stomach with an excellent roasted pork, after months of squirrels and other animals of varying and dubious origin, and he was entertaining the kids of the village by lifting them in the air two at a time.
Will played a wooden flute he had carved with his skilled hands, and looked down to a tree where Allan was talking to Djaq.
The two of them seemed a little too close. And Djaq was smiling.
Robin had never seen her smile. She was cute.
It could become a problem, a big problem.
Robin feared that the Saracen girl could become the target of a competition between his men, bringing confusion and discord between their ranks.
But moreover, where else a Saracen girl could go in England?
She was safe with them. And she had proved to be brave as a man, and much more experienced in the art of healing than all of them put together.
In fact she was a great buy for the group, Robin thought.
Djaq was now hiding behind a house, strictly followed by Allan.
Robin thought it was good that Gisborne was now responsible for Allan, who was left with him instead of returning to the group, especially if a romance was blossoming between those two.
Robin didn’t notice that Will had watched the scene, had grasped a mug and drank all the hot liquid in a single gulp, trying not to think what maybe was happening.
The young man's soul was full of sadness.
Robin took a mug of mead, drank it slowly, and began searching for Marian with his eyes. He had seen her at the beginning of the party, dressed in blue, beautiful as ever, though still a bit pale.
The boy now felt his head turning a little now. Maybe he had exaggerated with the wine.
He started wandering from one place to another in the crowded yard, but he couldn’t find her, he just couldn’t.
Perhaps she was still weak for the long and recent illness to stay awake too long among the people, her people. Perhaps Marian had already retired to her room.
Robin walked along the walls of her house until he was under the window of her room. He wanted to climb fast to reach her, but he felt he needed to regain strength and lucidity before doing so to avoid losing his balance in the climbing.
So Robin sat down on the ground, his shoulders against the wall, and looked up to the moon with sweet eyes.
Now that he had gone away from the great bonfire, the cold of the late evening made him breathe again, and his mind seemed to find again clarity, lucidity of thought, and passion.
He had made a big mistake with Marian long ago, a mistake he had long repented of, but she had resisted all her suitors.
Even Gisborne, in the end.
And as far as the guilt and pity, and now a sort of gratitude, could now tie her to the black knight, Robin hoped that Marian, listening to his words, would realize that there could be no other happiness than theirs.
What should have been from the beginning if the war and the loyalty to the King had not intruded among them, and their dream of love and happiness.
Marian had been smart, she had saved herself and taken time. She wouldn’t marry before the King's return.
Now, Robin would ask her to just keep this promise, but to marry him, not Gisborne, once the King came back and put everything and everyone in their right place.
In fact, after the latest events, Robin felt in his own way grateful to Gisborne for having taken the reins of Knighton at an emergency time.
But Robin and his gang had saved the expedition from the assault of the bandits, so that victory was also his credit.
And Robin doubted that, over the long distance, Guy could be a good administrator of Knighton, given his previous bad management of Locksley, in his absence and without his knowledge.
In one way or another, his destiny and that of Marian and their ancestral lands were still linked to their future union. And Robin no longer wanted to give up on Marian. No more.
But he never really used love words with the girl.
He had never written poetry for her, he hadn’t brought flowers or presents.
Everything was simple, spontaneous, natural.
Like their first kiss, born out of a simple joke between them.
A bet.
A price paid for a simple bet.
Like their meetings, and they were never really alone, made of glances, smiles, jokes, cheerfulness.
A promise of future happiness.
He had fallen in love with her, of course, and she had fallen easily in love with him.
She was destined for him.
Everybody told it to him, to her.
He would be her man, her future husband.
Then he left. He realized that he had played with the affection of the girl, that he had taken it for granted, forever.
His Marian.
But he would tell her everything, this time, everything that he had in his heart, that had grown up inside him during the years of war and distance.
The truth was that he had really fallen in love with her while he was on the battlefields, in the desert sand. In discomfort and pain. And fear.
From longing.
Then he really had started to love her.
Wait, he would ask her to wait, putting now his whole heart, soul and his destiny, this time for real, at her feet.
The light of a candle lighted, softly now, the girl's room.
Maybe Marian couldn’t sleep.
She was awake.
She was alone.
Robin took his courage and climbed easily up to the window.
He peered inside the room. She was still dressed in the blue gown for the party, with her back leaning against the door, a candle in her lovely hands, and she was smiling, a sweet little smile, her right hand resting on her beautiful lips.
Robin felt a shiver inside, and he was not sure if it was for the late winter cold.
He knocked gently on the glass, attracting the attention of the girl, who looked like she was awakening from a beautiful dream, then she looked at him, surprised.
Allan grinned to himself, feeling a little foolish. After their kiss, Djaq went back to join the others, leaving him alone.
The young man couldn’t still believe that the girl had kissed him, and he couldn’t help wondering what it meant. Since she joined the gang, he had immediately liked her, after finding out that she was a woman of course, and now it seemed that she liked him as well.
Allan wondered what was going to happen between them in the future, and he wasn’t sure if the idea of a romance between them made him more happy or terrified.
He liked to flirt, and he had never turned up his nose on a good tumble in the hay with a nice girl, but he knew that Djaq wasn’t the kind of girl who was up for just a tumble in the hay.
He looked at the villagers, still dancing around the bonfire, happily eating and drinking, and he decided to find a quieter place to think about that kiss.
There was a tree, apart from the crowd and almost in the dark, and Allan knew that, under it, there was a gentle slope, perfect to lie on the back and to look at the stars while resting on the soft grass.
He walked to the tree, holding out a hand to steady himself on the trunk, and he jumped in fear when he touched someone’s body. Even the other man was startled and let out a short cry.
“Oh, Giz, it’s you!” Allan said, with a little laugh. “What are you doing here, all alone?”
The knight relaxed in recognizing Allan’s voice.
“Nothing. What were you doing?”
Allan shrugged.
“Just wanted to think.”
“To think? You?”
“Very funny, Giz,” Allan replied, offended.
Guy put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I was joking. I’ll leave, if you need some quiet.”
“Joking? You?” Allan said, mimicking Guy’s tone, then he smiled. “No, stay, please. I could use some advice.”
Guy nodded, a little surprised that Allan could want some advice from him.
“Let’s sit down, then. I’ve been standing for too long, my leg is starting to hurt.”
“Do you need help?”
The knight shook his head, lowering himself on the grass. The ground was cold, but his cloak was thick and it was comfortable to sit like that.
“I can manage, thanks.”
“You improved a lot, didn’t you? Your leg, I mean.”
“Do you think so?” Guy asked.
“Of course you did! Look at you, Giz: when I came at Knighton first, you could barely walk for more than a few steps without being exhausted, while now you are much stronger. You don’t really need my help now.”
“Oh, I do, believe me, I do.” Guy said, earnestly. “Without your help, those people wouldn’t be celebrating, tonight.”
“Are you drunk, Giz?” Allan asked, surprised by his words.
Gisborne chuckled.
“A little, maybe.”
The younger man smiled. He wasn’t used to see Gisborne so relaxed. He looked almost happy.
“You should drink more often, then, mate.”
“What do you wanted to ask me? You said you wanted advice.”
Allan nodded, blushing a little.
“Well… Yes. If a woman kisses you, how do you know if that was just because you’ve been brave or if there’s something more?”
Guy grabbed his jacket, suddenly angry.
“Where you spying on me?!”
Allan looked at him, in fear. Gisborne had reacted like a wild wolf, reminding him that once he had been a dangerous enemy.
“Hey, Giz, what’s up with you? Why do you think I have been spying on you? I kissed Djaq, that’s it, what has this to do with you?”
Guy let him go abruptly, and, even if it was dark, and he couldn’t see him well, Allan realized that Gisborne was embarrassed.
“Wait a moment...” Allan said, with a grin, “You thought I was spying because you did kiss somebody too! I am right, I know! Was it Marian?”
Guy stared at him for a moment, uncertain if he had to blush or get angry again. At last he decided to lie down on the grass, crossing his arms under his head, and he smiled, looking at the stars.
“Yes,” he confessed, somewhat dreamily, “yes, I kissed her. And I think she didn’t dislike it.”
Allan stared at him, dumbfounded, then he lied on the grass too, laughing softly.
They were quiet for a while, then Guy turned his head to look at him, with a little frown.
“You said that you kissed Djaq… Is she the saracen girl from Hood’s gang?”
“Yep.”
“Do you love her?”
Allan didn’t answer immediately.
“I don’t know. That’s why I wanted your advice.”
“Earlier you asked me what I was doing here, under this tree...” Guy began, a little awkwardly, glad that the darkness concealed his expression, “Well, if you want to know, I was wondering if I should ask for your advice.”
Allan burst out in a laugh.
“I don’t want to be funny, Giz, but I think that we are both in trouble!”
Marian didn’t expect to see Robin suddenly reaching her room. When she came out to see the bonfire, she saw him for a second. Then his image was lost in the celebrating crowd, and she was soon reached by Guy.
She still felt the loving warmth that his lips had left on hers.
And now Marian was afraid that they had been seen by Robin.
She looked at him as she opened the window to let him in. He didn’t seem to be angry at her.
Maybe he didn’t see her kissing Guy.
In any case she should be cautious: she didn’t want the two to collide in any way for her fault.
“Robin, was it really necessary to reach me here, at this hour? Anyone could see you climbing, they're all still at the party. You could have talked to me there, but I didn’t see you in the crowd, what's the matter?”
"No one sees me, if I do not want to be seen. I just needed to take a moment before I reached you," said the boy, smiling.
"Well, Robin, what's the matter? The Sheriff maybe, is he up to something? Is he thinking of doing something against my people? If that's the case, we have to go and warn Guy and my dad! "The girl said, suddenly agitated.
"Warn Gisborne? Marian, I don’t like the importance you are giving to this man...”
Marian interrupted Robin's speech: "He's helping us, he's helping me, it’s thanks to him that tonight we can celebrate instead of falling under the Sheriff's attack. You have no idea of the bad time we were living here when, thank God, he and the expedition came back, saving us."
"But if it wasn’t for me, Marian, the expedition would never come back. We saved them from the outlaws attack. Maybe you should thank me, too," the boy said, slowly approaching her.
Marian took a step back, recovering a little distance from him.
"Well, Robin, I wish to thank you on behalf of Knighton and of the women of the expedition members who have been able to re-embrace their loved ones."
"Marian... how strange you are tonight, your words, your eyes, you look almost formal, it's not like you, have you forgotten what's between us?" Robin said, frowning.
"You, Robin, have forgotten that there is nothing between us," said the girl.
"Oh no, no Marian. Don't you see, don't you feel, inside, that there is still something important between us, and there will always be?"
"Robin, I am no longer a naive little girl, and you left me a long time ago."
"I know, Marian, you're still angry at me, and you're right, you're right, but please, listen to me for a while, we've never talked about what happened to us when I left England”, Robin said in an unusually pleading tone.
"There's no need. What's done is done. We are no longer engaged. And I'm different now from the girl I was then. Even you are different, now."
“Oh no, my beautiful one,” Robin said, a loving, sad stare in his eyes, “there is something in me that has never changed. Only circumstances around me, around us, have changed. Please try to understand, I was younger when I left for war, and I didn’t know at length what I would do by following my King, and I didn’t know if I would come back alive from the Holy Land. How could I keep you tied to a promise that I didn’t know if I could keep? It was a choice of honesty, not selfishness, on my part. Please believe me, Marian.”
"You should have married me before you left, if you did, instead of exposing me to the public humiliation of having been left, instead of disappointing my feeling for you. But it doesn’t matter, it happened so long ago..."
"No, no, it’s important instead, it’s important that we talk about it. Now. I know I've let you down, I hurt you. God knows I didn't want to. But I never stopped thinking about you, in these years, when I was away. You have no idea how many times I wanted to see you, just to see you.”
Robin approached the girl, a tender, loving look in his eyes. He stretched out his hand to touch, caress her cheek. The girl didn’t get out of touch, she let him do it. His hand was warm, but not trembling.
"Marian, we were young, so young, don't you remember our first kisses, the first times we embraced, hidden from everyone... like tonight?"
Marian pulled back, annoyed by his continued reference to the past. She didn’t like that vaguely seductive, self-confident tone that Robin continued to use with her.
“It's in the past. And I'm pretty sure I haven’t been the only girl in your life. Don't believe that a caress is enough to make up for years away, Robin.”
“No, Marian, no one has ever been as important as you, no one will ever be. You were my betrothed. I was betrothed to you. I would have sworn loyalty to you and love forever and ever. I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you, but because I didn’t know if I would come back from the war. You don't know what war is, what I saw, what I did there. But I swear to you, Marian. I never, never, never stopped thinking about you, to worry about you. Marian, I...”
“What, Robin?” Marian said, incredulous, what was Robin saying to her after all that time?
"...Marian, my beautiful Marian... you don't understand, you are perfect for me, so perfect for me, we are born to be together, to love each other."
"I'm not perfect, Robin, and the world around us has changed, don’t you see it?"
“I know, I know, I'm an outlaw now, I have nothing, I was a hero and now for someone I'm a... zero. But not for you. Not for you, you care for me, I feel it. I should have listened to you when I came back, but I couldn’t let those boys die. And the truth is, everything has happened in a hurry. I came back and everything was changed. But you, no, you have not changed. And I know now that I have not really changed either. Our feelings are not changed. Marian, I love you. You do not know how much I love you.” Robin paused, his eyes sweet and bright, “I never told you how much I love you. I thought I would have a lifetime to tell you, to show you and instead... but it's not too late, my love. The King will come back, and he will put everything and everyone in their place, I will get back my home, my lands, my position, and I will ask you as a wife. Oh yes, I will.”
Marian now was shaking, those words would have made her so happy just a few years before, and now they made her so confused.
What did she feel about Robin after all that time?
He was still the nice guy who had grown up next to her. He was dear to her heart, to her eyes. He had been everything to her.
Everything.
He was her first, timid little kisses, all their jokes and smiles. He was all her hopes for the future.
His hand now was warm on her cheek, a familiar, tender warmth, but she was tied to another, and not just formally, she was feeling something strong for Guy, something different, uncertain, but strong, really warm. She was confused, confused... so confused.
"Robin, I'm still betrothed, but to Guy, you should know it," said the girl, in a hurry.
"Still betrothed to Gisborne, why? Did he try to threaten you again?" Robin said, angrily.
"No, he would never do it again. There is no reason to break the promise now. The King has not returned yet,"Marian said , with a serious tone.
"But the King will come back, and you will be free, Gisborne was Vaisey' s henchman, and he has done horrible things under his command, for sure, and he could be under trial. In any case I will have my position back and I will be able to give you all that is necessary, and I will marry you."
Marian reconsidered Guy's terrible confession.
If the King knew that Guy had tried to kill him, Guy would definitely go to trial and be condemned to death for sure.
Now that thought didn’t make her to feel pity, but pure terror. Her legs suddenly wavered.
Robin didn’t have to know this secret in any way.
She leaned with an arm to the fireplace, to support her legs.
Robin ran to help her.
"Do you feel unwell? It's my fault, I've made you stand up for too long. Come on, I'll help you lie down."
He supported her weight with sweetness, smiling.
Marian sat on the bed, embarrassed.
"Robin, I..."
"Don’t say anything,” said the boy, “you're tired now, you've been very sick. You have to rest now, just rest."
Marian lay down, and Robin leaned over her, brushing her forehead with a simple kiss.
"I love you, Marian, and I will have your love back. One day you will also feel that you and I are perfect together, and you will love me. Now sleep, my dear, just sleep.”
Robin went to the window, jumped over the sill, and he blow her a kiss with a hand before disappearing into the night.
Marian, exhausted, and at the same time confused and sad, felt herself divided between two fires of different heat, between Robin's confident smile and Guy's uncertain smile.
They both loved her. And both were so dear to her heart.
She thought she wouldn’t be able to sleep. But fatigue took over and Marian finally fell asleep, her window still open in the cold night.
Some time later, someone entered in her room while she was asleep, just to watch her sleeping for a moment, and hurried to close the window.
Then he checked her forehead, and, reassured, he tucked her bed covers around her, and left her room, limping.