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love me in the middle of your lowest night

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Yuta can’t remember the last time he’s craved somebody so deeply more than he ever has with Hansol.

Yuta craved a lot. He craved touch. He wanted roughness for so long in his life. He wanted everything to hurt, he wanted bruises, he wanted his body to ache the next day until he couldn’t move, couldn’t even think of moving from his bed.

And at first, Hansol was ready, and willing, and able to give it to him until it hurt, until he left bruises, until his body was black and blue and trembled with a longing unlike anything else he had ever felt before in his life.

Except on this night.

Yuta didn’t understand what had changed. Had it been the time they spent apart, he wondered, that made Hansol less affectionate and willing? That was hardly his fault, Yuta thought bitterly.

Having a full schedule was hardly his choice, and with all the attention he was getting from Hansol, the last thing he wanted, if he was being completely honest. As each day grew more and more rushed, packed back to back with filming, schedules, filming, dancing practice, filming, makeup, hair, styling, photoshoots, everything all at once— well, how did Hansol expect him to make the time for those kinds of things anymore?

“Hansol.” Yuta broke the silence firmly, despite how his heart trembled in his chest at the serious expression on Hansol’s face. “If you don’t want to, all you have to say is no.”

Hansol hardly hesitated, eyes flickering up from the book in his lap and parting his lips.


The unwavering bluntness of his voice was enough to send a chill down Yuta’s spine in the wrong way. Normally, the sharp tone of his voice was directed at Yuta. Sit down; on your knees; put your hands behind you; over my lap; but there’s none of that in his voice this time. Only strength and something oddly tinged in the tone he used. Yuta couldn’t place his finger on it, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

“Did I do something wrong?” Yuta said.

““If you don’t want to, all you have to say is no.” I said no.” Hansol paused. “Though that’s hardly the truth.”

Taken aback once more, Yuta only moved in the very slightest away from Hansol’s bed. He hadn’t expected this sort of response from him. Hansol’s fingers were curled around the edges of his pages, ticking at the paper with his fingernails. The noise itself irritated Yuta, but he steeled himself in his spot.

“Are you still here?”

There was something else lingering in his voice. Yuta could hear it.

“You’re my friend before everything else.” Yuta said honestly, truthfully, and yet the expression that fell over Hansol’s face nearly knocked the wind from his chest, as if he had told the largest lie of his entire life. “If something is bothering you, Hansol, I want you to be able to tell me.”


“Don’t, what? What did I do?”

Hansol set his book down on the bed, moving to stand up as he pointed to his door.

“Get out.”

“You’re awful bossy.” Yuta remarked, not budging an inch. Hansol’s hands clenched at his sides as he dropped his arm, a frown already playing on the corners of his lips. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Hansol answered easily.

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing!”

Hansol raised his voice, something he never did, not even when he was ordering Yuta around. Yuta flinched at the volume of his voice, Hansol’s expression immediately changing as he let out a soft apology. He practically shrunk, moving away from Yuta and stepping back to the side of his bed.

“You didn’t do anything, Yuta. I swear you didn’t.”

“I don’t have anything in my schedule tomorrow.” Yuta reasoned. “I thought since it’s been so long and all....”

“It has been a long time, but I just... don’t know if I have the will to right now.” Hansol’s voice fell, and he returned to his spot on the bed, clearly too scared to approach Yuta again. Did he think he was going to hurt him? Ji Hansol didn’t have it in him to hurt another person, Yuta thought as he nodded.

“That’s all right. I’m sorry I bothered you.” He paused, nervously digging underneath his fingernails to distract himself from the awkward silence. “I really did mean it though.”

“Yeah, I know you want to fuck. I know you meant that.” Hansol said impatiently. Yuta lifted his hand and shook his head.

“I meant about being your friend.” He corrected. “You’re my friend before any of this. If you’re not feeling well, I’d like to be there for you.”

Hansol’s jaw went slack, an unreadable look in his eyes before he nodded and looked down at his book again. Yuta took that as his cue to leave, approaching the door and curling his fingers around the doorknob with a hesitation he had never felt before in his life. But Hansol was a grown man, and if he was having issues that he didn’t want to talk about, then Yuta would just have to back off and wait for him to talk, if he ever wanted to.

“Uhm.” Hansol said as Yuta stepped out, catching his attention. Yuta threw a look over his shoulder, found Hansol pink cheeked and embarrassed. “If you want to... tonight, I mean, then I want to.”

“Didn’t you just say you didn’t have the energy?”

“The will.” Hansol corrected. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what my problem is right now, but I do... want to.”

“Are you sure?” Yuta leaned against the doorway, hesitant in getting his hopes up. “You seemed really pissed off earlier.”

“I’m not pissed.” Hansol set his book down on his side dresser. “It’s just stupid shit bothering me. I’m sorry I snapped at you like that. C’mere, baby.” Hansol said, the pet name dripping with honey and a softness Yuta had never heard before, but didn’t mind.

Yuta stepped back in, closing the door behind him and locking it for extra measure, as the others sometimes had a bad habit of waltzing in without knocking (which lead to more than a few awkward, haphazard explanations on Yuta’s and Hansol’s part to a scarred Doyoung and an amused Jaehyun on more than one occasion).

The bed dipped as Yuta crawled on his knees over the feather soft sheets of Hansol’s bed, fingers tightening expectantly around them before he felt Hansol’s fingers under his chin, lifting his gaze.

“Good, baby.” His voice was hardly louder than a whisper, but felt like a knock straight to Yuta’s chest as he flushed bright red and swallowed hard. This was different. Hansol didn’t praise like this.

But Yuta liked it. A whimper unknowingly rattled through his throat as he felt Hansol’s fingers trace over the bob of his adam’s apple.

“Let me take care of you.” Hansol said. Though it was an order, there was an unspoken question behind his words. Breathing suddenly felt like a heavy task weighing on his mind, Yuta letting out a shuddering breath and nodding as Hansol grinned and ran his thumb along Yuta’s bottom lip.

Hansol slid his hand down Yuta’s throat, fingers leaving invisible trails along his skin as he compliantly scooted forward for Hansol to handle as he wanted to.

“Shirt off.”

Yuta hesitated, fingers curling uncertainly over the hem of his t-shirt as Hansol quirked a brow, digging his fingernails into the soft skin of Yuta’s neck.

“I said, take your shirt off.”

Yuta tugged his shirt off over his head, waiting for a reaction from Hansol as he folded his shirt and set it down on the ground beside the bed.

“Lay down on your back.”

Not needing to be told a second time, Yuta laid down, hair fanning out over his face and the sheets. The warmth in the pit of his stomach suddenly spread to his fingertips, and then his legs, and the tips of his toes. Hansol’s scent was heady and calming, and Yuta realized that after all these months of dancing, of practicing, of performing, the only thing he ever wanted was a reminder of Hansol. His body immediately unwound, tense muscles relaxing and allowing a soft, breathy moan to escape his lips.

“Comfortable?” Hansol said. Yuta hummed in confirmation, a contented blush spreading across the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks. “Cute. I’m going to take care of you, baby. Safeword?”

Yuta swallowed thickly, adam’s apple visibly dipping before he shuddered out, “Mercy.”

Hansol curled his fingers around the belt loops of Yuta’s jeans, tugging his pants down, little by little, only revealing the dip of his waist, toned muscles of his stomach tensing and relaxing with his sharp inhales of breath. With his jeans came his underwear, Hansol sliding them both off at the same time and smiling when he noticed Yuta was already half hard from the anticipation alone. Yuta’s face flushed tomato red, lifting his hands to his face before Hansol clicked his tongue and gently pushed them away. Then he pulled his pants all the way off to leave Yuta bare and vulnerable.

“Stay here.” Hansol said, moving back on the bed and opening a drawer from the side dresser beside his bed.

Carefully, he pulled out a box, fingers tracing over the smooth top of it before popping it open and wrapping his fingers around a long strip of ribbon. Yuta shivered at the sight of it, at how Hansol so delicately handled it, at the implication behind each of his touches. After all the nights Yuta got what he wanted, ending up in boneless heaps on Hansol’s bed, panting, near crying, sweating, a mess— after it all, this was the first night Hansol ever wanted, ever asked for something besides whatever it was Yuta liked.

“Arms over your head, baby. Cross them at your wrists.” Hansol breathed, swallowing thickly at the sight of Yuta squirming and lifting his arms. “Gonna tie you up. Tell me if it’s too tight.” Hansol warned, taking the baby pink colored ribbon and carefully wrapping it once, twice, three times, and then crossing the strings and tightening it into a neat bow. “Wiggle your fingers for me.”

Yuta did as he was told, trying to separate his wrists from the bow, and meeting resistance, barely able to move his hands, but still able to feel his fingers.

“Too tight?”

“No.” Yuta managed to speak for the first time all night, though he carefully waited for some sort of punishment from Hansol. Most nights, when he spoke out of turn, Hansol chided him, put him over his lap and made him cry, but the smile that graced Hansol’s face was so heavenly, so angelically painful, Yuta nearly whimpered.

A rush of guilt shot through his veins when Yuta realized he had been asking Hansol all this time to be rough, rough, give him more, more, more, until Yuta couldn’t move, until Yuta couldn’t move and even then, Hansol took care of him.

“Feels good, right?” Hansol pulled Yuta back from his thoughts. “The pink looks so good on you, baby. I wanna eat you up.” Hansol leaned over, caging Yuta in with his arms and smiling down at him. “Would you let me?”

“Yes.” Yuta pleaded, wished Hansol would do something to him, wished he would do anything to him, but he just grinned and leaned closer, warm breath fanning across Yuta’s jawline before he bit down on the side of his throat and earned a quiet mewl of pleasure.

“You’re submissive even like this. I’m surprised.” Hansol pulled away, a goofy smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Isn’t that... isn’t that how you want me?” Yuta said. Hansol faltered for only a second, voice lost in the confines of his throat as he let out a soft noise, something like disappointment or maybe just from being caught off guard. Either way, Yuta almost apologized in a frantic rush before Hansol let out a weak, breathy laugh and shrugged.

“I’m just happy to be with you.” He said, voice uncharacteristically soft and quiet. Yuta’s throat tightened at the sound of him. “I’m just happy to be with you, Yuta.”

Whatever doubt Yuta still had in the back of his mind melted away, and his heart twisted begrudgingly in his chest before he squirmed in his place on the bed.

Pet names. It was always pet names. Always baby, and sweetheart, most of the time baby boy. Hansol was always feeling generous enough to give Yuta the pleasure of hearing those names. Never Yuta. Never Yuta. They agreed on it, in order to keep the relationship strictly platonic, to keep feelings away; because Yuta knew if he heard his name leave Hansol’s lips in the heat of the moment, before he came or afterwards, in quiet scenes where Hansol cleaned him up and cuddled with him afterwards, he knew that there’d be no way he couldn’t fall for him.

“Can’t we just be ourselves?” Hansol continued without taking notice of Yuta’s sudden realization. “Can’t you just be you? And I’ll be myself, just this one time?”

“No.” Yuta spoke too quickly. “No, we can’t do that.”

Hansol quirked his lips. “It was worth a shot.”

“You called me Yuta.”

“Yeah.” Hansol replied. “That’s your name.”

“I thought we said our names weren’t allowed here.” Yuta mumbled, suddenly feeling extremely exposed in his current position.

“I thought we said we’d keep in touch too, but I can see that fell through.”

Yuta deflated at Hansol’s words, heart betraying him as it practically crushed in on itself.

“I’m sorry.” Hansol beat Yuta to the punch of speaking. “I won’t use your name anymore. And if you want me to treat you the way I always do, I can do that.”

Yuta watched as Hansol lifted his hand over his head, fingers catching on the smooth ribbon around Yuta’s wrists. Yuta flinched and pulled away, defensively meeting Hansol’s gaze.

“I... don’t mind the ribbon.” Yuta said. “Leave it.”

“If we’re going to do this the way we always do it, then I need to tie your hands behind your back, and not with ribbon. It’s too soft.” Hansol said, hands moving for the ribbon again as Yuta jerked away once more. “Yah, why are you being so difficult?”

“I like making you work for it.” Yuta teased. Hansol narrowed his gaze to Yuta, set his fingers down on the sides of Yuta’s throat and pressed.

“Good baby boys listen to commands, don’t they?”

Yuta hiccuped. “Y-yes, sir.”

“Apologize.” Hansol ordered, though there was a significant lack of meaning behind his words. Still, Yuta apologized, throat strained as Hansol pulled his fingers away. “You were doing so well before too. Listening to me so well, submissive like that.”

“I can do it again.” Yuta rushed. “I can listen to you.”

“Too late, baby, too late.” Hansol said, reaching behind himself once again and grabbing the box.

Up close, Yuta could see small, intricate designs etched into the sides, how Hansol’s fingers seemed to linger by them as he moved to open the box. He pulled out a small wand vibrator, a plain purple one Yuta had never seen before. He must have bought it while Yuta was busy. His mouth went dry at the sight of it, Hansol immediately pushing the dial on the vibrator to its lowest setting.

“If you move your hands, I really am going to tie them up behind your back.” Hansol warned just before trailing the tip of the wand vibrator against the head of Yuta’s cock, tearing a squeak from the back of his throat as his hips jumped off of the bed on instinct. Hansol looked down at Yuta’s cock, a soft smile on his lips as he pressed the vibrator to the sensitive spot on the underside of his cock. Precum leaked from the slit and slowly met the tip of the vibrator. Yuta whimpered and willed his hands to stay above his head. “Maybe you should listen the next time I say I like it when you’re submissive.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Yuta chanted the words over and over, tone different and desperate each time as he felt the vibrations increase, just enough for him to notice, but not enough to give him any real stimulation. “Oh, fuck.”

“Dirty.” Hansol said, turning the vibrations up once more. “I thought you wanted to be a good boy for me, baby. How are you supposed to be a good boy if you’re cursing like that?”

Yuta’s jaw went slack, spit building up in the corners of his lips as a moan drew itself out from his throat. “I’m sorry, I'm sorry.” Yuta repeated again, as if the words would somehow change Hansol’s mind, though this was exactly the kind of treatment he wanted.

Without showing so much as a simple reaction to Yuta’s desperate tone, Hansol turned the vibrator all the way up, wrapping his fingers around Yuta’s cock and pressing the entirety of the vibrator against him, languidly stroking as Yuta broke into a loud whimper and fell back on the bed.

The vibrations alone would have been enough to make Yuta come within a few seconds of being touched, but paired with the feeling of Hansol’s hands on him, his fingertips pressing so deliciously underneath the head of his cock, and wrapping around him and enveloping him with a comfortable warmth— it was almost too much for his body to comprehend all at once, after having not been touched for so long.

“I’m gonna come.” Yuta warned, rutting forward into Hansol’s hand, into his fingers and warm palm and—

Hansol pulled his hand away, shutting the vibrator off as Yuta fucking whined, throwing his head to the side to hide in his bicep as he felt his orgasm receding, staved off due to the lack of stimulation.

“Please.” Yuta breathed. Hansol didn’t answer, sitting back on the bed and tucking the vibrator away in the box. An unmistakable shudder ran down Hansol’s spine, clearly affected by the pleads escaping Yuta, and yet, he made no moves to do anything.

“Please, sir.” Yuta begged, but earned nothing once more. How much more did he have to beg, Yuta wondered, easily falling apart as he squirmed. “Please, please touch me, let me come.”

“Not yet.” Hansol said. “Not this way, baby.”

Before Yuta realized what was happening, Hansol had his fingers tight around the base of his cock, squeezing and completely burning away what little pleasure Yuta had left from his oncoming orgasm. A shocked noise spilled from Yuta’s chest, one corner of Hansol’s lips tugging upward as he cocked his head to the side and let his hair sweep past his eyes.

“And you don’t get to come until I say you can.” Hansol reaffirmed, tightening his fingers around the base of Yuta’s cock once more and earning another high squeak. “Got it?”

“Y-yes.” Yuta nodded, shallow breaths escaping him.

“Good.” Hansol hummed softly. “Give me your hands.” Hansol reached forward, Yuta carefully moving his arms from the bed. A dull ache had settled in his arms from being pinned to the bed for so long. Maybe it showed in his expression, because as he sat up, Hansol ran his fingers along Yuta’s arms, massaging, squeezing, barely sparing Yuta a second look as he worked his fingers into his skin. He undid the ribbon, throwing it to the side and not caring about the slight pout on Yuta’s face.

Yuta shuddered as Hansol massaged his arms, breath leaving him in pants, gasps for more, face red and eyelids heavy before he leaned forward and kissed Hansol.

And maybe Hansol had been breaking rules left and right with using his name, and with tenderness, asking for something more through gentle ministrations that said more than any hushed whisper ever could. But Yuta made it worse. Yuta made it tangible and real and sweet, disgustingly sweet as he parted his lips and grazed his teeth over Hansol’s bottom lip. Hansol took in a sharp breath, eyes wide with surprise before he pressed forward with a renewed energy.

Licking inside of Yuta’s mouth, Hansol lapped at the warm wetness of his mouth, tongues grazing over one another’s, quiet moans echoing sloppy noises. Hansol pulled away and ran his fingers through Yuta’s hair, tugging hard and forcing Yuta to display the milky white skin of his neck.

“That was new.” Hansol purred against Yuta’s throat. “Too bad that goes against one of our rules, doesn’t it? Ah, how unfortunate.” Hansol trailed kisses along Yuta’s neck, up to his jawline before pressing soft ones to his earlobe. “I wanted you to sit on my face.”

“Oh my god.” Yuta all but sobbed the words out.

“Now I've gotta punish you for how bad you're being. Over my lap.”

“Hansol, Hansol, please, I—”

“Did you just call me by my name?” Hansol challenged, tone unnervingly deep and gravelly in his chest as he grabbed Yuta by his hair and raked his nails down his scalp. Yuta yelped, face red with embarrassment and lust and god, he wanted so much, he craved Hansol so much it ached. “Two rules broken. Do you want to break a third one?”

“No!” Yuta said. “No, I'll be good, I'll be good, sir.”

“But you were bad. Now you get punished. Over my lap, baby boy. We’re going to ten this time. I want you to count how many times I spank you. If you lose count, we start again.” Hansol licked the palm of his hand as Yuta helplessly crawled over his lap, body shaking from the position as he let his body hang over Hansol’s legs. Hansol tangled his fingers in Yuta’s soft hair again, jerking his body up as his back arched and curved into his touch, if only to avoid the pain. “Head up. I wanna hear you when I hit you.”

Yuta waited. The silence that followed Hansol’s threats felt like ice in Yuta’s veins, like suddenly drinking in a glass of cold water and bringing him back to his senses. Hansol’s breaths were stuttered, almost labored from the torture he was putting Yuta through, albeit consensually.

And then a loud smack filled the air, Yuta's entire body flinching with the touch as he yelped. Stinging, red hot, painful stinging spread through his right cheek, and would undoubtedly be flushed scarlet with excitement and a plea for more in only a few more seconds.

“One.” Yuta said with the best attempt to keep his voice level. Hansol traced his fingertips over the soft curve of his ass and squeezed.

Another loud, sharp slap to his backside brought Yuta back. Hansol's hand lingered for less time. Instead he brushed his fingers against the outline of his hand reddening on Yuta’s ass.

“Two.” Breathing suddenly felt like a large task, Yuta unable to even think properly as he clenched his fingers in the sheets underneath him.

Without so much as a warning or a moment to rest, Hansol brought his hand down once—


— twice—

“— f-four—”

— three times—

“— five!”

— all in quick succession. Alternating between his right and left cheek, Hansol trailed his fingers across the plush softness of Yuta’s ass, smiling down at him.

“Halfway there, baby. Think you can take five more?”

“Yes.” Yuta nodded, bowing his head for only a moment before lifting it up with gentle urges from Hansol as he laced his fingers in with his hair again.

This time, when Hansol brought his hand down, the palm of his hand connected with Yuta’s left thigh instead. A loud whimper of pain rocked through Yuta’s core as he jerked forward instinctively to run away from the pain. Hansol jerked Yuta back into position, the grip of his fingers unrelenting and bordering on painful.

“S-six.” Yuta breathed out.

Yuta took in a deep breath, readying himself for the next hit. Only three more.

Hansol smacked Yuta’s opposite thigh, a mixture between a moan and a cry before dropping his head again. Hansol made no move to correct his posture, only clicked his tongue with distaste as Yuta fixed it himself.


They both paused, Hansol letting out a wry breath a moment later. Yuta clenched his eyes shut as Hansol dragged his fingertips against the splotchy red spots decorating Yuta’s thighs and ass. With ten hits, Yuta would have had a sore ass for a few days and an excessive amount of aftercare on Hansol’s part, but it was bearable. Now that he had messed up the numbers, there was an impending thrill, at the idea of Yuta being unable to sit down properly without biting his tongue and sitting on his hands. Yuta could already imagine the finger shaped bruises that would rise to the skin and tenderly ache when he brushed against them just a touch too heavily.

“Start from the beginning.” Hansol sighed, hardly giving Yuta a moment before slapping the skin and tearing a pained groan from Yuta’s throat.

“One.” Yuta strained.

“Didn’t I tell you to keep count the first time? Do you like to make mistakes like this?” Hansol’s hand connected with the tender skin of Yuta’s right cheek. Yuta practically sobbed as his knees trembled, body feeling especially weak.


“Answer me.” Hansol punctuated his words with another smack. It was relentless and painful, and Yuta almost sputtered out his safeword, but instead counted the smack and spoke.

“Three. N-no, I don’t like making mistakes. I’m sorry, sir, it won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Hansol paused, his breathing level and calm as he ran his hand against Yuta’s thighs. “Your thighs are so red. So red, so beautiful, baby.”

Hansol returned his attention to the task at hand, bringing his hand down three more times before Yuta broke into tears, warm and wet and trailing down his cheeks as he bowed his head and earned a swift smack as punishment for that as well.

By the time they reached ten the second time around, Hansol’s palm stung and turned bright red, but Yuta’s ass was far worse by comparison. He could feel his pulse beating in the tender, beaten flesh, knowing fully that there’d be purpling splotches all over his ass and his thighs for days to come.

When they finally finished, Hansol let Yuta lay back on the bed, panting breaths loud in the thick air before Hansol trailed a finger down Yuta’s stomach. Involuntarily, his muscles tensed, begging, pleading for Hansol to touch him properly, just wrap his fingers around his cock and let him come, but Hansol made no movements to do so.

“Please.” Yuta pleaded, Hansol immediately cocking his head.

“Please, what?”

“I wanna come.” Yuta continued without needing another prompt. “I want you to make me come, please, sir. Please, let me come.”

“You wanna come?” Hansol asked, dragging the palm of his tender hand up Yuta’s chest, stopping at his nipples and pinching one as Yuta yelped and moaned. “Do you think you deserve to come after you fucked up while counting?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Yuta practically shouted when Hansol let his fingers wrap around his cock and pumped him once to gauge a reaction from him. “I’m sorry, please let me come. I want to come in your hand, I-I—”

“Shh, baby.” Hansol placated Yuta’s desperate words. “I think you deserve it too, sweetheart. You’ve done such a good job for me, so amazing.”

There was a pause, a moment of collapse where Yuta could hear his heart thumping hard in his chest, and Hansol was staring at him in this way that made it seem all too real, too tangible and Yuta was scared; for the first time since he and Hansol had ever started whatever this was, he was terrified, because Hansol was looking at him like he held the moon and sun in either of his hands, like his eyes were stars to get lost in.

“Hansol.” Yuta breathed out, his heart skipping in his chest when he noticed how Hansol faltered, how he hesitated in answering. It was Yuta’s own rule not to say their names. He had broken it twice already.

“I’m sorry.” Hansol spoke before Yuta could. “I don’t mean to stare. I know it’s weird.”

“Hansol.” Yuta repeated with more force, catching his attention before he tangled his fingers in Hansol’s hair and pulled him down, a quiet noise escaping Hansol before their lips met, all teeth and tension and little nips to his lips here and there before Hansol actually reacted, actually kissed Yuta back this time before Yuta parted his lips and sucked on Hansol’s tongue.

“Fuck.” Hansol panted. “Yuta, wait, wait.”


“I still want to eat you out.” Hansol said, a chill rocking through Yuta’s body at his words before Hansol trailed his fingers down Yuta’s thighs. “But I don’t want to hurt you. Because I spanked you, I mean.” Hansol’s lips quirked with a frown. “Is it going to hurt if I eat you out?”

“N-no, it won’t.” Yuta shook his head. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Yuta didn’t need anymore prompting, just moved to the side and let Hansol accommodate himself on the bed before he tugged his shirt off over his head.

Sitting back slightly against the headboard, Hansol watched as Yuta moved to straddle his waist. Hansol urged him back, and back, and back until Yuta’s thighs sat on either side of Hansol’s chest. His breath fanned out over the skin of Yuta’s thighs, twitching at the sweep of warmth before Hansol pressed a soft kiss to his right thigh, and then his left. Licking a stripe along the inside of Hansol’s thigh, Yuta sighed and bowed his head, resting his fingers on Hansol’s legs and clenching his fingers around the material of his jeans when Hansol licked along his perineum.

“Please.” Yuta pleaded, but to no avail. Hansol took his time pressing kisses into Yuta’s thighs, as if apologizing for hurting him through his gentle ministrations. After a second more, Hansol lifted his hands from his sides, spreading Yuta easily and leaning forward to press a kiss to his rim, clenching around nothing but air.

“Beautiful.” Hansol murmured, nearly making Yuta snort with laughter at the quiet proclamation. Who said that kind of stuff before eating someone out? Apparently Hansol did.

Before Yuta could react, he felt a warm wetness spread around his hole, Hansol’s tongue licking circles around it before he laved his tongue over his hole and pulled away to blow cool air against him. Yuta all but groaned and melted in Hansol’s hands, his fingers clawing into Hansol’s jeans, and he couldn’t tell if he was thankful or resentful that he couldn’t leave crescent shaped marks in his skin, at the very least.

Hansol pulled Yuta back even closer, practically sitting on Hansol’s shoulders as Hansol swept his tongue across Yuta’s hole again, watching it contract around nothing. Not needing a second more, Hansol pressed his tongue pointedly against it, hands on either sides of his ass for better access. Yuta shuddered, body jerking forward at the intrusion before relaxing, unclenching and allowing Hansol to lick inside of him.

“F-fuck, oh my god.” Yuta’s knuckles went white with how hard he was holding onto Hansol’s pants.

Hearing the pure pleasure in Yuta’s voice, Hansol continued, working up a rhythm between pressing his tongue into Yuta and gently easing him open, spit dribbling down his chin and along Yuta’s thighs. The noises resounding through the air were enough to make Yuta feel desperate to get off, between squelching and quiet intakes of breath from Hansol, bitten out whimpers and pleads for more as his body shook from holding himself up so close to Hansol’s mouth.

“Can I touch myself?” Yuta stuttered.

Hansol trailed one of his hands over to Yuta’s hard cock, wrapping his fingers around him and thumbing over his slit dripping with precum. The noise that left Yuta was practically animalistic, a mix between a growl and a loud moan as Hansol jerked his cock once, twice, a third time before he rubbed his palm against the head of Yuta’s cock.

“Oh god, Hansol. Hansol, I’m gonna come.”

“Go on.” Hansol said when he pulled away long enough for a breath. “Come, Yuta. Come for me.”

Given permission, Yuta rutted his hips forward into Hansol’s hand, warmth and pleasure surrounding him all at once before he felt Hansol brush one finger past the tight rim of his entrance, twitching as a loud yell escaped him all at once.

Suddenly he was coming, body jerking and spasming with the force of his orgasm while Hansol stroked him through it. Hansol hardly even stopped to revel in Yuta’s orgasm as he continued to eat Yuta out and jerk him off until it was bordering on overstimulation.

Exhaustion flooded through Yuta’s veins, his limbs going numb and weak as he fell forward, onto the bed and buried his face in the sheets as Hansol licked his hand clean. Yuta fluttered his eyes open when he felt the bed shift, Hansol rising and stretching his arms over his head as Yuta let out a soft noise to catch his attention.

“You didn’t get to come.” Yuta said, voice barely audible over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears.

“That’s okay.” Hansol said, shrugging. “I can always go shower and work it off.”

“No.” Yuta pawed at the bed, even though Hansol was standing up, as if the movement itself would bring Hansol to the bed. Hansol smiled down at him, staring at his twitching, overworked body. His thighs were red and marooning with color from the abuse Hansol had put him through. “I wanna make you come too, Hansolie.”

“You need to rest, baby.” Hansol leaned over on the bed. “Just let me take a shower, and I can come back and cuddle with you the way you like after spanking, okay?”

“We’re not done yet.” Yuta pulled Hansol closer, tangling his fingers in with Hansol’s hair and tugging lightly to earn a small groan from Hansol’s lips. “You’re still hard.”

“But I can’t fuck you.” Hansol said, trailing his hands over Yuta’s thighs. “Not after spanking you.”

“Then,” Yuta hummed and pursed his lips pensively, “you can always use my thighs.”

Hansol’s cock twitched at the sound of Yuta’s proposition, suddenly enticed by the idea of coming from the friction between Yuta’s thighs alone.

“Will it hurt your thighs?”

“No, no.” Yuta urged. “I want you to. I want you to, please.”

Yuta quickly got on his hands and knees again, despite his aching joints protesting as he held the end of Hansol’s bed and clenched his fingers so tightly, he was sure he’d tear holes in the sheets by the end of the night.

Hansol returned behind Yuta, dropping a bottle of lube beside him as he slipped his jeans off and kicked them to the side, in some messy heap where he’d have to worry about them later. For now, all of his attention was refocused on Yuta, on his thighs pressed together so deliciously, he nearly moaned at the sight alone.

The sound of the lube bottle popping open brought Yuta back to his headspace, listening to Hansol squeeze the bottle and apply a liberal amount in the palm of his hand. Then cold, cold, cold, cold touched the inside of his heated, bruised thighs, under the curve of his ass and the soft skin of his perineum and his balls, then skated upwards to his hole just so Hansol could see Yuta clench around nothing. Yuta’s hips stuttered forward, the lewd squelch of lube filling the air as he pressed his thighs together and felt the slick spread even more.

Hansol poured another handful into his palm, working his fingers over himself without finesse or teasing, just to get himself ready to fuck between Yuta’s thighs.

“Keep your thighs together.” Hansol ordered, that familiar huskiness in his voice as Yuta pushed himself up and did as Hansol told him to.

The first thrust between his thighs was delicious and warm, almost honeyed as Yuta bowed his back and fell face first into the bed. His elbows ached, trembled with weakness as Hansol pulled back out with a groan tumbling from his own lips.

“So tight, Yuta.” Hansol raked his nails down Yuta’s back, drawing out long, pained whines from Yuta as he thrust in again, harder, the sound of skin on skin enough to illicit a reaction from Yuta’s body again. “F-fuck.”

“Ah, Hansol, I-I’m—” Yuta didn’t have to finish his sentence, Hansol already brushing his hand past Yuta’s hips and wrapping his fingers around his cock. “Oh god.”

Hansol jerked his wrist in one direction, Yuta chasing the friction with his hips before rocking back and fucking himself back onto Hansol. Relishing in the slick sound of mixed lube and precum, Yuta pushed himself up on his elbows again, looking down at himself to find the head of Hansol’s cock pushing past the tightness of his thighs, nearly drooling at the sight as he buried his face in the bed once more.

After a few more thrusts and loud groans from Hansol, Yuta felt Hansol tangle his fingers in with his hair, jerking his head up and arching his back to get a better angle against him. Like this, Yuta could feel Hansol’s cock rubbing against his own slightly, only enough to drive him crazy for more.

“You gonna come again?” Hansol asked, pulling Yuta’s back flush against his chest and sliding out from between his thighs to rub his cock between his cheeks. Yuta gasped when Hansol used one hand to pump him at the base of his cock, while using the other to rub his palm into the head of Yuta’s cock, fast and tortuous, and oh god, it was almost too much for Yuta to bear, his body practically melting in Hansol’s hands.

Yuta could feel Hansol’s cock twitching against his ass every time he moaned, rocking back against his body just to hear Hansol breathe a little harder, moan a little louder, get that much closer to coming. Hansol bit down hard on Yuta’s shoulder just as he worked the palm of his hand faster over the head of Yuta’s cock.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming.” Yuta chanted without taking so much as a breath or a moment to catch himself before he felt his hips stutter forward in overstimulation, and he was coming again, coming in Hansol’s hand and rutting forward as a loud cry left him from the slightest touches of Hansol’s fingers against him. Yuta slumped forward again, barely able to look over his shoulders to find Hansol stroking his own cock, eyebrows furrowed with pleasure before he came, his cum painting Yuta’s ass and the small of his back.

Falling to his side, Hansol panted heavily, dragging his finger through the cum on Yuta’s back and tracing it along his spine. Any other time, Yuta would’ve been disgusted, but they were already sweaty and messy beyond belief, and he needed a shower desperately after this to sooth his aching thighs and joints. At least he didn’t have anything to do the next day, he thought with a quiet sigh.

“Fuck, I could sleep for a week.” Hansol broke the silence, a laugh leaving Yuta as they burst into a quiet fit of giggles and laughter, Hansol lying down on his back and patting his stomach. “You should shower first.”

“Are you trying to say something?” Yuta poked at Hansol’s side.

“Yeah, that you smell like lube and sex.” Hansol replied, sticking his tongue out and letting his gaze linger on Yuta’s blissed out expression for a second longer than he should have. His throat felt parched, as dry as a desert. He couldn’t imagine how raw Yuta’s throat must have been. Yuta blinked, waving his hand in front of Hansol’s face to catch his attention before Hansol flushed beet red. “S-sorry.”

“You okay?” Yuta asked. Hansol snorted, brushing Yuta’s hair away from his face and nodding.

“I should be asking you if you’re okay, not the other way around, baby.” Hansol said, his hand just skimming the curve of Yuta’s ass. “You really should shower, though. After you get out, I’ll put lotion on your thighs and stuff. I’ll even cuddle with you the way you like.”

Yuta hummed softly, inhaling the thick scent of sweat from the sheets below as Hansol ran his fingers through his hair.

“Maybe... could I ask you to do one last thing for me?” Yuta asked. Hansol nodded. “Take a shower with me? I think as soon as the water hits, I’ll be out like a light.”

“Adorable.” Hansol remarked. “Yeah, I’ll take one with you.”

“And carry me there.”

“I’m not gonna carry you into the shower, Yuta.”

“But....” Yuta whined, pouting visibly. “But, my butt?”

“Agh, you know how to guilt trip me.” Hansol said, humming slightly. “Fine, but you have to put something on at least. Just because the others can hear you when we mess around doesn’t mean they get to see you too.”

“Is that a hint of possessiveness in your voice I hear, or are you just shy that we fuck?” Yuta grinned.

“Both, but mainly the second one.”

Yuta smiled, comfortable with their back and forth. It seemed like it had been so long since he and Hansol had the chance to talk this way, so comfortably and without boundaries because of the others. Hansol was normally reserved in front of the other members of the group, unused to showing too much affection or attention, but like this, tucked in bed together, Yuta could feel all of the love Hansol had to give.

“Don’t move yet.” Hansol said. “Gotta find something to clean up the cum.”

“God, you’re such a natural romantic, Hansol.” Yuta snorted as Hansol flipped him off.

Yuta was right: the shower nearly made him melt under the spray of warm water, but Hansol kept him upright with an arm snaked around his waist. He washed Yuta’s hair and made sure he was relaxed enough after the shower before shutting the water off and rushing across the hall to Hansol’s room once more. Yuta slipped on one of Hansol’s t-shirts and nothing more, while Hansol tugged on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

With an unceremonious flop down on Hansol’s bed, Yuta sighed, melting into the clean sheets and breathing in the scent of fabric softener. Soon enough it would be replaced with a mixture of Hansol’s natural musk and his cologne. For now, he could revel in the fact that they were clean, Hansol having changed them before they went and showered.

Yuta glanced over his shoulder, pushed himself up on his elbows as Hansol grabbed a bottle of lotion and sunk down on the bed beside Yuta.

“How are you feeling, baby?”

Yuta shivered at the pet name, not because of the implication it normally had, but because of how tender and soft it sounded coming from Hansol like this.

“I’m good. Sore.”

“You did an amazing job earlier, so of course you’re a little sore.”

Hansol squeezed out a dollop of lotion into the palm of his hands, gradually rubbing it over Yuta’s thighs and his ass. Slight purple and red splotches still covered the skin, but they weren’t nearly as bad as they both thought they were going to be. Yuta let out a breath of relief, tugging his (Hansol’s?) shirt up to the small of his back as Hansol let his hands wander upwards, massaging small circles.

“Should we... talk about what happened?” Hansol asked. Yuta tensed for a moment, throwing Hansol a questioning look. “The... rules?” A sheepish blush spread across Hansol’s face. “We kissed, and we said each other’s names.”

“Oh.” Yuta deflated. “That.”

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay.” Hansol said. Yuta took a second to think, trying to discern a response from Hansol’s expression before he shook his head and laid it down on the pillows below.

“I don’t wanna talk about it. It was nothing but heat of the moment, y’know?”

Hansol nodded, letting out a quiet affirmation before pouring another glob of lotion into his hand, and massaging it into Yuta’s skin again.

Yuta could tell his words had an effect on Hansol, even if Hansol tried his best to hide it. He continued to pile on the praise for how well he had done, even making Yuta smile into the pillow and chide him for being so excessive, but Hansol was never one to skimp on the aftercare, and he never would be. Maybe that was why Yuta came back so often. Hansol made him feel important, if only for a little while, even if nobody else thought he was or didn’t care if he was. Hansol thought he was important, and that was enough for Yuta for a while.

Yuta didn’t know when he had fallen asleep. Maybe when Hansol started humming softly, after closing the lotion and putting it back. Maybe when he felt the bed dip and Hansol spooned him, the two fitting together a little awkwardly because of the size of the bed, but still comfortable, warm in a way that Yuta loved. Maybe he fell asleep when Hansol carded his fingers through his hair and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, something Yuta could only ever imagine Hansol doing to him.

Hansol listened to Yuta’s quiet breathing as if it was the sweetest music in the world. His chest moved up and down with quiet sighs, little snores here and there as Hansol smiled down at him. Affection flooded his chest and threatened to drown him all at once, forbidden words repeating over and over in the back of his mind as he let his hand fall from Yuta’s messy hair and down to his waist. The way Hansol’s shirt draped over Yuta’s body was enough to make Hansol’s heart flutter unreasonably in his chest.

Stop it, Hansol reminded himself, though he couldn’t bring himself to look away from Yuta. Not even when his heart reminded him of how harshly Yuta had shot him down, just like the last time they were together, before promotions started and Hansol said they should stop doing this kind of thing. Yuta didn’t listen back then either, only shrugged it off and said if Hansol didn’t want to, they wouldn’t have to.

But it wasn’t that Hansol didn’t want to. He always wanted to be there for Yuta. He loved having sex with Yuta just as much as he was sure Yuta loved having sex with him.

And yet, there was something so much more to it than just loving the sex they had. More than the power and the rush of being together, more than anything else they could ever do together in bed... Hansol shamelessly, unapologetically loved Yuta.

Hansol told Yuta that last time too, that he loved him.

Yuta shrugged it off again and said he didn’t have those feelings for Hansol, and then disappeared for a month for promotions and concerts, fan signs and sleepless nights, and Hansol wished he could bring himself to hate Yuta. He wanted to be disgusted with how easily Yuta rebuffed his feelings and how obvious he made it that Hansol was only good in his book for sex, but... he couldn’t.

“I’m in love with you, Nakamoto Yuta.” Hansol squeezed Yuta’s hand affectionately as their fingers laced together. Yuta mumbled sleepily, scooting back and slotting himself closer to Hansol as Hansol grabbed a blanket and tugged it up over their bodies.

This was as close as he could ever get to being with Yuta, Hansol thought, but that was okay. He’d never ask for anything more.