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Things had been slow at the ZPD. Too slow. And while the old saying ‘no news is good news’ was true, it still left Judy feeling bored and restless, struggling for things to do as she shuffled, reshuffled, unshuffled, and re-reshuffled the last week’s worth of paperwork.
Inactivity, for a rabbit, was torture.
And making things even worse, Nick had gone on a coffee-run over an hour ago and still hadn’t returned with the iced tea and carrot bran muffin that she ordered.
With the way things had been so far, her daily muffin order was just about the only thing left to look forward to. It was, after all, not just your average soggy day-old muffin you could get from any grocery store, but rather a fresh baked, moist on the inside, crispy on the outside, and spiced just right carrot bran muffin from the best coffee shop in Savanna Central.
Rated ten out of ten on Clawhauser’s donut blog. That says a lot.
Eying the office clock for what must have been the hundredth time, Judy’s ears finally picked up the familiar sound of Nick’s pawpads sprinting down the precinct’s hall.
“Finally,” she said aloud with a roll of her eyes. Though as impatient as she was for her midday snack, she still had to admit that Nick was moving a lot quicker than a tardy delivery deserved.
The door flew open and Nick braced himself against the knob, panting raggedly as the exertion of running there started to catch up with his body. Beyond his weary appearance, Judy noticed he didn’t have her ice tea, or more importantly, her carrot bran muffin.
“Nick? What happened?” Judy asked; her tone and face were a mixture of concern and confusion. “You were gone forever.”
“Oh, Judy,” Nick groaned, limply releasing his grip on the door handle. “You wouldn’t believe it, Judy.”
“W-what’s wrong?” A sinking feeling began to settle into Judy, though in some perverse way it kind of felt good, like something might finally break up the monotony of the day.
Nick stumbled towards her, slowly shaking his head from side to side in disbelief. “It’s just-- I can’t-- Oh Jude…” He dragged his paws over his face, looking lost in anguish. His voice choked up as he struggled to get the words out. “It’s… It’s…”
The fox crumpled against the desk; head hanging low.
“Nick,” a tidal wave of possible disasters rushed through Judy’s head as she looked at her partner, “please, what is it?”
A nighthowler outbreak? Bellwether escaped from prison? A carrot blight?
Slowly, Nick raised his head back up to look at her; eyes watering up like they were on the verge of tears; lips trembling as his mouth opened to speak.
“It’s the nutshack.”
“Uh, I-- W-what?”
“It’s the nutshack,” Nick repeated, straightening himself to his full height.
Judy shook her head and blinked; the answer barely registered with her as anything. It couldn’t be any more confusing if he was speaking Pandanese, and yet Nick just stared dead at her with the most stone serious face.
And then, just outside their office she heard the click of an audio cassette being turned on, and some hokey hip-hop beat started to play.
“It’s. The. Nutshack,” Nick once again reiterated, and on that cue Judy saw a small shape come around the corner of the office doorway.
In shuffled Finnick, wearing his trademark sunglasses and shouldering a large boom-box that was the source of the music. As he jived his way inside, he started chanting along with Nick.
“It’s the nutshack.”
Soon after, the bulbous figure of Clawhauser strutted in; head bopping, shoulders wagging, and also chanting.
“It’s the nutshack.”
Followed by him was the awkward entrance of Chef Bogo; looking like a conga-line dancer out of his depth as he half heartedly kicked his hooves from side to side and rolled his arms around each other. He too joined in the repetitive chorus.
“It’s the nutshack.”
Shaking off her gob-smacked fixation on the bizarre procession, Judy turned back to Nick for some explanation, only to find that he had completely dropped the serious act and was now dancing along with them; a great big shit-eating grin was spread across his muzzle.
“It’s the nutshack.”
Judy’s mouth open and closed meaninglessly, she was so flabbergasted. Her big violet eyes darted at each one of them as they danced in front of her, struggling to find reason in this display.
“It’s the nutshack.”
And then, as the beat on Finnick’s cassette player started to reach what sounded to be the climax, the horrible, awful, stomach turning truth finally hit her.
“It’s the nutshack.”
They were memeing her.
The moment the beat stopped, all of them ceased their repetitive chanting and gave her a unified ‘ta-da’ pose. Expectant smiles were plastered on their faces; some forced, others embarrassed.
The silence that followed hung heavier than an elephant at the gallows.
“Sooo, uh, Carrots,” Nick finally spoke up, “what did you thi--”
“Hold up Nick,” Finnick, interrupted, jerking a thumb towards the doorway. “Looks like Mr. Hundred Yard Dash didn’t get your second text in time.”
Everyone collectively looked towards the entrance and saw Flash standing there, wearing a gaudy maroon and purple spandex suit. The hair on his head was dyed black and slicked back, and a large net was held in his long claws.
“Look…at…this…net…that…I…just…found--”
“Yeah, Flash, buddy?” Nick cut him off. “We decided to go with plan B, okay?” He then turned back to Judy and sheepishly shrugged. “We were going to do this other song and dance number, but then Clawhauser said he couldn’t do spandex.”
“I chafe,” Ben chimed in.
“Yeah, he chafes,” Nick reiterated. “Anyways, Carrots, you seemed so moody and bored with everything being so dead today, I figured maybe it’d be good for you if we did something a little spontaneous. You know,” he flashed her an encouraging smile, “for laughs?”
But Judy only stared at them, occasionally blinking.
Nick’s smile weakened a little. “You’re, uh, not really laughing, Hopps…”
As the others behind Nick exchanged glances, Judy slowly raised a single finger.
“One question,” Judy finally spoke.
“Sure, sure…” Nick replied, shifting about with unease.
Judy then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, they were wider and more intense than any of them had ever seen before.
“Where the hell is my muffin?!”