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OK story time guys! Like a month ago I sat down and started writing this story and was 2 chapters in before stopping it. One morning I woke up and turned on my tumblr to see Andrew and Ryan kissing all over the place. My heart soared and I screamed like a fangirl for like three hours straight. Anyways I hopped back onto this fic. I was so inspired I'm like 16 chapters into this story already! Yeah you heard me... I have 16 chapters done already what whatttt

Ok so my writing sometimes sucks as much as my spelling and grammer! So if you see a mistake or something wrong, feel free to hit me up and let me know!

Also comments help inspire me to let me know you like it. It also makes my confidence soar!
Anyways Enjoy!

//~~~~~~Chapter 1~~~~~~~~\\

"Get him!"

Gun fire exploded from the dozen guns that let loose from the thugs surrounding the warehouse full of boxed cargo. There was a blur of red and blue between the rafters, swinging back and forth, dodging bullets as if it had a sixth sense of where the bullets were going. The figure dropped down onto a large pile of wooden crates, crowched in the ever so popular superhero landing. His masked face looking up as the men turned to look for him, not seeing him in the dark room. One goon in a black sweater pointed up at him, "Look there's the spider! Get em'!"

As all the men took aim, a chain jingled to their right and someone spoke up in a sing song voice, "Yoo Hoo! Oh boys!"

Their heads turned just in time to see a figure clad in red leather with black panda eyes, come swinging down on a chain, holding a katana in one hand while the other clutched around the metal. They hardly had time to process that he was coming for them, or the fact that he was singing 'I came in like a wrecking ball', before the sword sliced through four of the gun men's head like butter. Blood sprayed the other gun men like a fountain, making some gag while others began firing randomly in the air, trying to get the blood from their eyes.

Bullets sprayed the air as the figure on the chain flipped off and behind the gunmen that were fireing.

"Deadpool stop!" A web shot out and snatched his katana away as he was about to stab someone else. The panda eyed man sighed angrilly as he looked up to the red and blue clad figure that was standing upside down on the rafters like a bat.

"Not a fan of the Cyrus? Well how about LMFAO? Shot shot shot shot!" He pulled out his guns and began fireing them off with the song, taking out five more men.

Another web shot out into his hand, jamming the gun which he threw away in anger and glared up at the hero. "Come on! You're being a cock block!"

"Calm down before I string you up!" The masked hero climbed down from the crates, sticking to the surface.

"Oh, kinky! Didn't know Spidey had a thing for bondage" Deadpool smashed two guys heads together as he stepped over the other dead bodies.

Spidey shot a web to the two men he just smashed together to tie them up, "Does your mind ever take a break from all the dirty jokes? Or is this a 24-7 kind of thing?"

"Baby you know I could go on forever"

Spider-Man faultered at the tone as he looked over to a smirking Deadpool, "Really man? Now is not the time for that"

Deadpool looked his spidey baby up and down a few times before cocking his head to the side, "There's always time for a little hanky panky"

"Did you seriously just call it hanky panky?"

"Don't like that name? How about this- I'll be little miss Muppet, chilling on my tuppet till along comes a spider and-"

Spidey waved his hands, "Ah ah I don't need an image thank you very much"

"Course you don't babe!- cuz you'll be living it soon" Deadpool made a gun with his fingers and took aim at Spider-man's ass before making a pow sound and giving him a wink.

"Real mature-"

"Ahhhh" A man came around the corner screaming, holding a belt filled with grenades, one of which had the top popped off.

"Oh shit!" Spiderman and Deadpool shouted as they turned towards the door.

(FREEZE) The world slowed down to a frozen stop, mid-run, mid-scream, mid-everything. A mini Deadpool pops up in the corner waving.

(I know what you're all thinking? What the FUCK is going on? I clicked on this for the ass-pounding, totally gay love that is spideypool. What gives? Well sorry to tell you pervs but before we get to the Smut we have to go to the begining. Writer! Rewind this bitch!)

[Everything began backtracking super fast, as Deadpool quickly points the remote to the screen and hit's play.]

Peter grasped onto Wade's shoulder, fingers digging into the hard flesh as the mercinary railed into him. The kitchen table creeking loudly as Wade pushed Peter into it's wooden surface and fucked him harder.

"Ah Oh god!" Peter screamed, his cheeks pink, breathing heavy as his climax was about to hit.


[Deadpool quickly hit the rewind button again and the picture speeds up past the smut that had the mercinary even blushing.]

(There! Ok go!)

[Stop. Play. Go]

The pool sticks clicked together, glasses clinking, voices cursing, laughing, and sluring all through the smoak filled bar of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Girls. Bikers, mercinaries, hookers, and thugs alike mingled in the booths, pool tables and bar tops. A single figure in a red and black plaid coat with white wool trim walked into the bar, eyes going to the bar tender.

"Wade fucking Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful! What can I get for you?" Weasel held his hands out as if gesturing to the whole bar behind him as Wade took a seat on the stool and rolled his eyes.

"A remedy to get semen and maple syrup out of my carpet would be nice"

Weasel made a gross face as he slid him a beer, "Fucking nasty"

"Yeah, but breakfast really is the most important meal of the day so- whatcha' gonna' do?" He shrugged as if it were a normal conversation.

"Rightttt anyways you got a visitor" Weasel popped open a few beers and handed them to a waitress in a black leather skirt as he motioned to the back booth with his head.

Wade looked up to the dirty bar mirror overhead so as not to alert his 'visitor' that he was watching. Sitting in the far back was a kid in a sweater vest and a clean pair of slacks.

"What's with the kid? Didn't know you served minors" Wade sipped from his beer as Weasel shrugged.

"He's got money so fuck his age"

Wade shook his head, "And that Weasel is why mothers grab their children when they see you on the street."

The mercenary took his drink before his best friend could rebuttal and made his way to the booth. The kid was looking intently to his hands that were fiddling with a peanut shell. When Wade slammed his body into the booth, causing the table to shake, the kid jumped so high he thought his shoe's had fallen off. Wade held out his hands as if calming a cat, "Whoa calm down Urkel."

The kid looked nervous as he swallowed and looked to the mercenary in shock, "You Wade Wilson?"

"Last time I had someone in my bed that's what they said."

The kid looked flustered by that answer but continued on as if not hearing him, "My names Harry Osborn."

Wade's eyebrow quirked at the name drop of one of the most richest man in New York son. Interesting....

The kid paused and collected himself before continuing, "I hear you... well- I hear people pay you to do things."

Wade gave the kid a blank look before shrugging, "Yeah but uh- kid I'm flattered that you heard of my talents but- uh he you're kind of to young for me so-"

"What? No! Wait NO! Oh god no I'm talking about killing someone!" Harry blurted out and Wade almost laughed as the kid ducked his head when a few people looked over to them.

Silence fit the table between them for a whole minute before Wade took pity on the kid and spoke first, "Ohhh you mean that talent- yeah yeah, uh wow awkward."

Harry looked down to his fidgeting hands before looking up to Wade, "Don't mess with me. Are they true or not?"

Wade took a long drink from his beer before scratching his chin, "Hmmmm depends."


"How much are we talking?"

Harry's eyes lit up as he pulled out a piece of paper and slid it forward to the merc who looked down before unfolding it and looked to the offer before him. He let out a breathy chuckle before pulling out a hello kitty pen from his coat pocket and added another zero before sliding the paper back. Harry's eyes went wide at the price before snapping back to Wade who was drinking lazily while watching the kid.

"You're kidding?"

"You think it's not worth it then fine, live with it. This has no effect on me"

The kid still looked unsure as Wade spoke up again, "Listen I'm no cheap date. But when the price is right you bet your sweet ass I always put out."

Harry rubbed his face with his hands before reaching into his back pocket for a check book and began writing it up. Wade looked down to him with an impressed look as the kid ripped it out and slid it forward.

"Half now, half when it get's done!" He glared and Wade took the paper and stuffed it into his back pocket.

"Who do you want me to un-alive kid" Wade smirked as Harry took on a dark look.

"Benjamin Parker, the ass hole that's been ruffing my friend Peter up since we were kids." He pulled out a photo of an older man in a police uniform that was taken a long time ago.

Wade's face took on a hard look as he took in the smug photo of the abusive ass-hat.

"He's a cop?" Wade took the photo and studied it more.

"Use to be- but he retired eight years ago. The force made him turn in his badge for early retirement when he was accused of a few things. They offered him to either retire and keep his pention, or go under investigation and risk loosing it all."

Wade folded the picture and placed it in his breast pocket, "You did your homework"

"I've been trying to get this guy put away for a long time! But he has so many connections in the damn city that he could get away with anything at this point!" Harry growled and Wade saw the darkness in the kid as if it had been simmering for awhile now.

Leaning forward he finished his beer and slid it to the side, "All I need is an address and it'll be taken care of before you can say rubber bumper baby bunker"

Harry gave the merc another blank look before giving the address and getting out of there. Wade slid back into the full part of the booth before taking out the picture and smirking. He made a finger gun and aimed it to the picture before firing it with a cash register sound.

Two nights later Wade found himself standing outside the Parker residence, screwing a silencer onto his gun while softly singing to himself. Harry had contacted him and told him tonight would be the perfect night to do the deed since he had his friend Peter at school distracted, and the Aunt was out grocery shopping. The old bastard was alone, drinking in his chair, watching porn out in the middle of the living room.

"Cuz you know I'm all about that bass bout' that bass-"

Once the gun was ready he walked around the house to take in his vantage points. There were six windows in total, two being perfect vantage points to view through the cracked blinds to the living room. The sick fuck was reclining in his chair, drinking a cheap beer while scratching his ass. Wade made sure no one was in their backyards since the houses were practically on top of each other as he took aim through the window.

A clean shot to the head would be the perfect in and out kind of deal. But just thinking of this sick fuck, roughing up some kid made him lower his aim to the neck, a slower death, more painful. He'd bleed out in twenty seconds, just enough time for him to stumble around, grasping at the thought to get help right up until the moment where he would realize he was dying as he would clutch the hole in a desperate attempt to-. A chill ran down his spine as he cocked the back of the gun and took aim.

"Wait!" Someone called and he froze as he noticed someone standing in the impossibly small alleyway between the houses. The shadow cast over the figure, and he cursed for not paying attention to his surroundings.

"I can say this isn't what it looks like butttt-"

"I know Harry paid you to kill my uncle!" He said desperately and Wade turned his head fully as the kid walked forward into the light that shone from the window above him.

Wade sucked in a breath at the fucking looks this kid had. His shaggy brown hair that had a tint of red in it that was just poking up in every direction. Pale white skin that had a pink flush to it and a bit of sweat, and heavy breathing like he ran here. His clothes hung off his lanky frame, but it was those big hazel eyes, one of which was sporting a black eye, behind the thick black glasses that had him.

"I know he paid you to take my uncle out and I'm here to tell you it's off" He breathed heavily and Wade was to busy taking in the amazing face before him before shaking his head.

"Who's getting off?" He asked blankly as the kid paused and cocked his head.

"What? Uh this- all of this it's off. You can put the gun away"

Wade lowered the gun a bit but let his eyes trail over the body again as he let his charm take over, "Whoa baby boy... This piece of shit uncle is yours?"

Peter shrugged as if he could help it and nodded as Wade mimicked his nod, "Yeah ok... um well any idiot that would mess up that pretty face needs a bullet to the neck."

The kid quickly moved his skinny body forward as if to try and get between the window and Wade but the ally was so damn small that the kid only got his back pressed to the wall before Wade put both hands on each side of his head, trapping him.
Peter looked to his right where the gun was pressed between the wall and the mercs hand before looking back, "Can we call this all off?"

"Why? Not that I care but- what gives?"

The kid looked down as a blush took over at how close they were, "He's my uncle... he might be an ass- but he doesn't deserve to get shot, no one does"

"Pfft ha ha kid you are to innocent- which is bad for both of us because it's one of my kinks" His eyes ran up Peter's figure as the kid cocked his head.


"You know- the innocent choir boy slash hipster millennial is pretty hot in itself, but damn those eyes- wait how old are you?"

"Uh s-seventeen?"

Wade pushed back as he hissed in anger, "Fuck that sucks"

Peter looked between the window and the gun that Wade was pushing into its holster in his coat, "I'm confused, are you ok with this?"

"Depends kid" He leaned back against the other wall that was next to the Parker residence.


"I was paid to get someone off... Take it how you will- I was still paid and I don't do refunds."

Peter swallowed, "Um uh what if-"

Wade took a step forward, "yes?"

"What if I pay you?"

The merc looked impressed as he cocked his head, "Oh yeah? whatcha got?"

Peter dug into his pockets and pulled out a few crumpled dollars, counting it as he held it up, "I have seventeen dollars and an underground weekend pass. What can this get me?"

Wade looked to the crumpled wad of cash and green plastic card before trailing them up to the kid who was looking adorably frazzled. He should have walked away from this hot piece of jail bait ass, but instead he took the cash and shoved it into his pocket before leaning in till their noses were touching, "About twenty three minutes of whatever the fuck you want baby boy"

Peter watched him before looking down and back up, "Uh you ever been to Player One Bar?"

Wade's eyes went wide, "Sounds sexy"

Several minutes later Wade found himself standing inside a poorly lit room, his eyes stared into the hazel ones that have his complete attention,"You're fucking joking Baby boy"

Peter blushed as he looked down, "You said whatever I want"

Wade looked down to the old school Nintendo 64 controller in his hand, "Yeah well I thought this was going to involve less clothing and possibly a safety word, that preferably would be hard to understand from behind a gag."

"We don't have to do this?"

"Nah nah I'm hip, I'm cool... dibs on Donkey Kong." Wade selected the large ape while Peter picked Luigi and began the smash bros.

The hipster video game bar was pretty deserted, only containing three other teens that were on the other side playing call of duty at the bar. Which by the way only served a variety of sodas, sweets, and chilly cheese fries. Wade glanced to the kid as the game began and noticed how he flicked the buttons quickly to combo move.

Luigi body slammed the ape and Wade hissed, "Oh fucking shit"

"Prepare to loose tragically"

Wade snorted, "Bring it baby boy"

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

He shrugged as he swung his characters arms and tried to fight the green man but he blocked it, "You got that baby face going on- but not like a kid- more like a twink"

"A what?"

"An attractive, boyish- looking, young man between 17 and 22, slender with little to no body hair. At least that's the urban dictionary definition" He smashed a few buttons as Peter snorted.

"I have body hair" The nerd pushed up his glasses and used Wades moment of shock when he looked to him to knock him off the cloud to his death. He cheered before looking to the merc who had his mouth open and looked him up and down through his clothes.

"Oh yeah? Where?"

Peter shrugged as another blush took over, "My belly button"

Wade groaned as he pictured that skinny stomach with a dark treasure trail going down to his sweet sweet- NO BAD WADE! He's a baby!

They started another round and Wade played halfheartedly as Peter kicked his ass, "So why aren't you freaked out right now?"

"Hm?" Peter asked without removing his eyes from the screen.

Wade continued to press random buttons, "Less then fifteen minutes ago I was about to assassinate your dick of a dad"



"He's my uncle, not my dad. My parents died when I was seven and my aunt and uncle took me in." Luigi punched the ape from the ship and watched as he came back to life to fight him again. Wade took in the info and nodded as he picked up a hammer that lit him up and he chased Peter's character with it.

"Ok... Still.. You're playing super smash with a very attractive- yet deadly mercenary that has a gun in his coat with a bullet that has your uncle's name on it. Why aren't you freaked out"

"Oh I'm totally freaking" He said as if it were the weather outside and Wade snorted at the kids bold words.

They played for a few more seconds in silence before Peter continued, "I just don't see you pulling the trigger. You seem like a nice guy... pretty perverted but nice."

"I've pulled triggers on people that have done less than your uncle."

"Then why didn't you just pull the trigger?"

Wade was knocked off the cloud again and the game ended with Luigi dancing on the screen. The mercenary sighed before turning to the kid and shrugging, "Well hate to break it to ya kid but your twenty-three minutes are up."

Peter looked down before digging in his pocket for the underground card and holding it out, "Will this buy me another round? I'm enjoying kicking your butt"

Wade looked to the kid and the card before snatching it with his teeth and hitting start on the screen. Peter laughed at this and they went head to head in another match, this time Wade pushing through and winning against Peter.

"No way! You actually have skill?" Peter asked in shock.

"Oh baby boy you have no idea what these fingers can do" Wade wiggled his fingers and Peter blushed as he lowered his head in a laugh that made Wade's stomach twist.

//~~~~~~End Chapter 1~~~~~~~\\

A.N: Soooooo whatcha think?

So like I said I am sorry about the grammer errors and spelling mistakes! I'll keep revising and editing if I catch anymore!
Review below to give me your thoughts!!!