It is 2:01am, and he will fall asleep alone, just like every other night.
He will clutch at twisted sheets in his grasp, wrinkled from tossing and turning, trying to conserve his heat, something that used to be much easier with another body pressed against him. But he reminds himself that this is what's best, what he wanted. And he'll think back to when he said those words, "I don't think we're right for each other," and he'll try to remember what he meant by that. He'll list all the reasons why he is imperfect as an excuse to be right with his choice, when all that fills him is a deep loneliness. It is 2:01am, and he is as in love as he was before he started this all.
"We've talked about this," Taehyung says, eyeing the boy who dropped into the seat across from him. He grabs the extra coffee he'd purchased—his duty, this time, Jimin's next— and passes it to the other boy. "You've got to do something about this," he says, gesturing to all of Jimin, "before things start to get really bad."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Tae," Jimin says, words coming out as a sigh. He takes his right hand, raking it through faded brown locks. He knows, of course, has known what Taehyung had meant the moment he had broken up with Namjoon, his boyfriend of almost a year. Jimin almost wishes they were back to how things were during the first couple of weeks after the breakup, when Taehyung was much more generous with his hugs and kinder with his words. He almost wishes they were back to those days, because although he felt extreme anguish at the loss of someone who meant so much to him, at least he felt something at all.
But now, Jimin was just numb.
"I know that's bullshit, Jimin," Taehyung says, aiming a pointed look at him. He fiddles with his own coffee, something so sweet Jimin can almost smell it across the table, and if he was feeling more himself, he would've teased the other boy about it. But that gets back to what Taehyung has been saying, as Jimin doesn't feel much like himself at all.
Jimin takes a sip of his drink, placing it back on the table and looking around. They're sitting towards the back of the little cafe close to their university, nice and quaint but still reasonably priced. They had relocated after Jimin had cut ties with Namjoon, for the fear of Jimin running into his ex at his usual hangouts. Taehyung had humored him, but Jimin knew he was getting to the end of his best friend's patience. It seemed he had nothing to fear, because Jimin hadn't seen Namjoon at all since the breakup, no signs of how the other is doing without him. Jimin wonders, has been wondering into the late hours of the night, if the other boy is as broken up as he himself feels, and while he hopes Namjoon had been able to move on, he knows he wouldn't be able to deal if he saw the other boy living life without him.
Jimin felt it was within reason for Tae to be upset with him, because he was beating himself up about it as well. He had to go and ruin a perfectly good relationship, without any reasons to really defend himself. Things had been going so well with him and Namjoon, much better than anyone had expected. Despite having few interests in common, with Jimin as a marine biology major and Namjoon as a philosophy major, the two had complimented each other well. Namjoon was able to tease out small smiles from the younger, make him laugh from his general clumsiness, something Jimin found to be endearing. It helped him realize that the man who seemed so perfect wasn't as totally infallible as his image presented him to be, and at first, it was enough to Jimin to believe they had a chance together.
Namjoon had been perfect for him in every sense of the word, but Jimin didn't think he could be perfect for Namjoon in return. And with self-doubt and hate clawing its way through his chest on the nights Namjoon could not hold him, he believed the older boy was better off without him as a crutch.
Bringing himself back to the present, Jimin sighed. "I know, Tae, I know. I'm trying." He fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater, something he hated to admit still smelled like Namjoon. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to wash it, to get rid of the last tendrils of the boy that remained in his life. "It's just hard is all, but I'm doing all right."
Taehyung stared at him, look transforming from slight annoyance to something of concern, and Jimin liked it even less than the look he was being thrown a few seconds ago. "This isn't working, Minnie, and you know it. I want to see you better before you waste away." Taehyung looked at the boy in front of him, who seemed to have drawn in on himself even more than he thought was possible. In the month and a half since Jimin had broken up with Namjoon, he had watched his best friend fade into a shell of who he once was, becoming less sure of himself, turning into himself until he was practically invisible. It hurt, seeing someone you care about all but disappear in front of your eyes. He couldn't let Jimin do this to himself. But all attempts he had made so far for the other to just talk to Namjoon had been shot down, tears welling up in the other's eyes with thoughts of how he had hurt his ex. While he didn't mean to, he knew Jimin knew he had caused Namjoon so much pain, and he would do everything he could to stay away, keep him from harming him anymore.
And so, with more excuses piling up between him and Taehyung, Jimin continued to assert he was okay, or he would be, soon. If he said it enough, he might even fool himself into believing it.
He had told himself the same thing when breaking up with Namjoon, too.
And the next night, like all those before, Jimin will find himself curled up in a bed that has felt too big to fill by himself, shivering from a lack of warmth he did not think he would ever lose, and remember that this was what he told himself he wanted. And the clock will strike 2:01am, and he will close his eyes, hoping for dreams that won't be filled with doors clicking shut in a final goodbye.