Cloud wasn't sane, and sometimes he wondered if he was the only one who knew it. Well, Sephiroth knew it, and so did Zack, thought Zack was arguably the reason he wasn't sane.
Scratch that, Sephiroth was the reason for his insanity, Zack was a factor of it.
It was on quiet days like this when it was really noticeable. He'd thought the voice would go away after they defeated Sephiroth. Instead, he was finally able to match a name and a face to the ghost inside of him.
"You know you want to," it whispered to him, not a new conversation for them but now that he had his memories, all of his memories, he felt like Zack was right behind him as he said that. "Go on."
Tifa was out, would be gone for hours. Barret and Vincent were out on missions of their own, Cid and Yuffie would be spending the day finding their own amusement in town. The house was silent, and would be silent for a while, barring any unexpected phone calls. Cloud was, in the physical sense, alone.
"Lock the door."
Cloud did as he was told and therein laid the proof of his insanity. He really shouldn't be following the orders of a dead man, and yet that seemed to happen far too frequently in his life.
The ties on the curtains slipped loose in two quick tugs, heavy drapes falling forward to blanket the room in darkness. He made his way to the bed in the center of the room without a problem, though even without his mako-enhanced night vision it wouldn't have been difficult. He loosened his belt as he lay down, not bothering to climb all the way onto the bed but resting, half on and half off.
"You know what to do."
If he closed his eyes, it was almost like Zack was sitting in the corner, directing him. It wouldn't have been the first time. He lifted his hips off the bed enough that he could unfasten his pants and slide the fabric down far enough that gravity carried it the rest of the way to his feet. His boxers followed.
"Now that's not much of a show."
"I'm not playing up for someone who's not really here," Cloud said, and then immediately cursed himself an idiot for speaking to an empty room. "Not really here, not really here," he chanted, though that did nothing towards making him actually believe it.
Like he said, insane.
The bed dipped around his knees and Cloud had to remind himself that he was hallucinating to stop himself for diving for his sword. Breath tickled his ear as Zack leaned close again.
He spat into his palm and reached down. Fingers closed around his cock with almost reluctance and he slowly started to slide his hand along the semi-erect flesh.
"Where's the fun in that?" Zack chided. "You hardly look like you're enjoying it. Come on, you gotta grip tighter."
His fingers closed and Cloud couldn't help the moan that fell from his lips.
He sped up, hips hitching up slightly with each stroke. He didn't do this often, so when he did it was like a giant coil winding tight inside of him, pent-up emotions spilling out from his usual control.
"That good, huh?" Cloud nodded, not caring that Zack wasn't really here. "I know what you'd like more."
A low whine was Cloud's only response.
"Why don't you put a couple fingers in your mouth."
His free hand moved to his lips without any thought on his own part. He opened his mouth, letting the fingers slide inside and wet them with a tongue. In his mind, it was Zack's hand in his mouth and Zack's fingers that he sucked on.
"That's a good boy. You always did like this part."
He moaned again, the sound muffled through his closed lips, as his cock, now fully erect, started leaking. Wet pre-cum dribbled on his fingers, providing extra lubrication for his hand as it trailed up and down, the pads of his fingers brushing once around the head before running down along the vein on the underside of his cock. His hand tightened when he reached the bottom of his stroke, squeezing the sensitive flesh as his hand moved back up.
"Good, good. You ready for the next part?"
Even now, years later, he didn't need prompting to know what Zack wanted him to do next. He slipped his bare feet out of the clothing tangled around his ankles, bringing his legs up until his feet could perch on the edge of the bed. Hips raised as Cloud moved his fingers away from his mouth.
Moist fingers pressed against his anus and Cloud didn't hesitate before pushing inside. It wasn't enough, wasn't what he wanted or what he was used to but it was what he had, for now. In his mind it was Zack's cock pushing inside of him, teasing past the tight ring of muscles at his entrance and then burrowing in, shoving inside like Zack was supposed to be there, like he was meant to.
The way Cloud's mind worked, maybe that was right, maybe Zack was the only one that was ever going to be inside of him. He didn't think his mind could really handle any more ghosts.
"You want me to fuck you, don't you?"
Images flashed through his head now, and he wasn't quite sure if he was the one remembering or if Zack was. He saw himself, tangled in the starch white sheets of the barracks as Zack, his commanding officer at the time, pinned him down and rode him raw. He looked up at Zack, this time at a motel, and wound his arms around Zack's neck while the black-haired Soldier leaned down to kiss him. He saw Zack from across the room, grinning madly, hands fisted in the fabric at his knees while he ordered Cloud to touch himself. He saw his own back as Zack knelt behind him, moving at an agonizingly slow pace while Cloud begged him to go faster.
Fingers brushed against his prostate and Cloud came with a shout, memories and hallucinations swirling together so fast that he forgot which was which.
Cloud opened his eyes and saw the ceiling plainly above him. There was no chair in the corner. The room was empty, save him.
With a sigh, Cloud sat up, clenching his hands against the edge of the bed.
"I really wish you'd stick around after," he said to himself, and then started towards the shower.