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It is believed that idiots don’t catch colds.

The fact that Dazai had come down with one was proof that he wasn’t an idiot.

The fact that Chuuya hadn’t, well, proved that he was an idiot.

At least that was what Dazai had been saying for the past few hours while Chuuya, the long-suffering partner who didn’t deserve any of this, tried not to kill the infuriating man currently lying in bed under a mountain of blankets. At first, Dazai had insisted to turn on the air conditioner, but then he had ducked under the blankets complaining about being cold. A moment later, he threw the blankets aside complaining about being hot. Then he would duck under the blankets again. This had happened so many times Chuuya decided to just ignore it.

If only he could ignore Dazai’s insults as easily.

“If you don’t drop the subject, Dazai, I swear to god, I will strangle you.”

Dazai, of course, completely disregarded Chuuya’s words. For some reason, even though he was supposed to be sick, he was acting more like a drunk than a sick person. Just what medicine did he take? “Then tell me why you’re not sick, Chuuya. The both of us were drenched in the rain last night, didn’t get to change immediately because Mori-san decided that it’s a good idea to make us wait for three hours just to give him a report, and were exposed to the cold air while we waited. Tell me, Chuuya, why are you not sick while I am?”

The urge to bang his head against a wall hit Chuuya then. But he didn’t act on this urge, because it was a stupid thing to do. Instead, he very patiently said, “Maybe that’s because you’re weak.”

Dazai barked out a laugh, the kind that usually meant ‘you don’t know how stupid you sounded, don’t you’. “That’s hilarious. Me, weak? If I am, I would’ve died from all the violence I’m exposed to every day. Besides, are you trying to say that you’re stronger than me, even though you’ve never defeated me?”

Chuuya pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and exhaled heavily. Why was he the one who had to look after Dazai? Sure, they’re partners, but there are other people more suitable for the job. Just what was Mori thinking when he told Chuuya to look after this big oaf?

“Chuuya, don’t ignore me. Say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” Chuuya tried not to think about what he could be doing if he weren’t here with this idiot. Or the many ways he could kill this idiot.

“I don’t know,” Dazai suddenly sounded sullen, “Just… don’t ignore me. I don’t like being ignored.”

“Huh?” Chuuya looked at Dazai, about to yell at him, but stopped. Dazai’s eyelids were drooping. So he finally ran out of energy. Or maybe the medicine was finally kicking in. The tension in Chuuya’s body slowly left him. At least he wouldn’t have to listen to anymore babble. “Just go to sleep, Dazai.”

“Hmm.” Dazai closed his eyes. “Chuuya, give me your hand.”

Chuuya placed his hand in Dazai’s outstretched one, because what harm could it bring?

He barely had enough time to take notice of Dazai’s hand being unusually hot before he somehow ended up in the bed with Dazai’s arms around his body. “Wha– Dazai?!”

“Later, Chuuya. Now, it’s time for us to sleep.”

“It’s time for you to sleep! Let go of me!” Chuuya squirmed in an attempt to escape Dazai’s grip. He didn’t succeed, because as skinny as Dazai’s arms look, they still had considerable power. He could muscle his way out, but it didn’t feel right to use force on a sick person.

“No,” Dazai whined, “It’s cold. Chuuya’s warm.”

“But you’re burning!” It was true. The parts of Dazai’s body that Chuuya could feel were giving off a lot of heat. “Why do you have such a high fever?”

“It’ll pass. Stop squirming, I can’t sleep.”

Chuuya muttered a few choice words under his breath. “What am I supposed to do while you sleep?” he hissed.

Dazai’s exhale of laughter ruffled Chuuya’s hair. “Sleep. You need to rest too.”

As if I could sleep like this, Chuuya grumbled mentally. But it felt surprisingly nice, cuddling up with someone in bed.

Chuuya frowned. That sounded so cheesy. And gross. Was he turning into a sap? Ugh, gross. He tried to come up with something to explain where the thought had come from, but his eyes were getting heavier and his mind hazier.

Dazai’s soft snores soon replaced the silence that had fallen over them. Chuuya closed his eyes. Heck, why not?

 

It is believed that once you pass your cold onto someone else, you will get better.

Chuuya wondered if this is true, because Dazai had disappeared from the bed some time ago and was making a racket in the next room while the shorter man was still trying to make sense of the headache that suddenly attacked him.

“I’m going to kill you,” Chuuya said aloud. “I swear, Dazai, I’m going to kill you.”

“What have I done this time? Anyway, how long are you going to keep lazing around, Chuuya?” Dazai reappeared at the bedside and studied Chuuya’s complexion for a moment. Then it dawned on him. “Oh.”

“’Oh’? Is that all you have to say?” Chuuya struggled to sit up while glaring at Dazai. “You passed your cold onto me.”

Dazai smiled, a tiny bit apologetic. “Sorry, my bad. But look on the bright side, you have a day off!”

Chuuya cursed his situation, his partner, the events that had led to this situation, and anything that can be cursed. After a while, he bit out a reply, “What good will a day off be when I’m going to spend it suffering?”

“Uh,” Dazai tilted his head with a slight grimace, “now it’s proven that Chuuya isn’t an idiot?”

“Don’t test me, Dazai.”

“Sorry.”