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Confundo

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From Newt: Tina, I can't stand the date anymore. Jasmine is a very nice person and she tells some stupid puns too. But it just isn't right.
From Newt: I feel like I am wasting my date's time. She deserves to be with a man who wishes to develop a relationship with her, not this pathetic moron who is pining over someone who will definitely.not love him back.
From Newt: Speaking of my one true love I think he looked at me when we were talking about Amelia my sick occamy baby??? But I can't read his face??? Do you think he's annoyed that I visit you too often and I am distracting you from your work??
From Newt: Merlin's beard do you think he hates me?
From Newt: Tina I am pathetic falling for someone who obviously doesn't even notice me
From Newt: But I love how he is in this nice suit of his it makes him look more handsome than before - not that I think he isn't without that suit anyway - I wonder what does he look like without that suit

From Newt:  I can't wait to feel his muscles stretching beneath his shirt. I sound like a creep I know.

From Newt: Have I ever told you that I love his dark eyes?
From Newt: Oh my I am so sorry Mr Graves Wrong number wrong number


Newt is off-line

Percival Graves stared at the illuminating object in his hand - his phone - the no-maj device that went viral in the wizarding society recently. The wizards still keep on the using the traditional communicating method of owling, but it was more or less limited to formal and official usage these days. The younger generation was more keen on using communicating devices that enable instantaneous chats with friends, rather than the old-fashioned and time-consuming ones. They had a point though, why wait for a leter in agony while you could receive a text within matters of seconds? Besides, quite a number of crimes had been reported with the emergence of such devices as they became more prominent among wizards. As director of Magical Security, Percival felt obliged to know more about this no-maj invention.

Following trends was never Percival's cup of tea. He started using phones not several months ago - not to be chic or to follow trend, but for aiding him to uphold magical security. There had been quite a number of crimes reported to be associated with the emergence of smartphones, and showed an increasing trend as they became more prominent among wizards. As director of Magical Security, Percival felt obliged to know more about this no-maj device. To know more about their working mechanism, there was no better way than to buy one and use it himself.

Or maybe he just needed an excuse to stalk a certain magizoologist on social networking media. 

Anyway, that was another story.

 


Frowning at his phone, Percival did not feel pleased after reading the magizoologist's wrongly-sent messages. He didn't have to be the one of Picquery's finest aurors to know that the messages had told him a great deal about Newt's currently (seemingly unsatisfactory)love life.


1. Newt was stuck in a date with someone who obviously wasn't his love interest - damn that Jasmine - how dare she flirted with him so shamelessly by telling him terrible puns.


Percival felt agitated at the mental image of Newt, smiling shyly at his date, as they shared a cup of vanilla-flavoured gelato. He punched his desk in frustration, causing Auror Johnson to drop the pile of files he was holding as he was planning to enter Percival's office to ask him to sign a couple of documents. Picking up the files from the carpeted ground, Auror Johnson immediately realised that it might not be the best time to bother his boss and decided to leave him alone first, as he hurried away from his fuming boss’ office.


2. Newt was obviously in love with someone who appeared not to love him back which did not make any sense at all, as Newt was way too endearing for someone to hate him.


Newt's love interest must be blind or retarded. Percival commented, as he gripped his phone so tightly as if it was the neck of the man that Newt pined over for.


3. The most important of all: Newt was really careless and clumsy and that made him more adorable than ever in Percival's mind.


No, that was not the point. The main reason leading to Percival's distress was that Newt was in love with some moron who obviously had a bad taste that they didn't love the poor magizoologist back. Just thinking of Newt pining for them made Percival's blood boil in anger. He definitely deserved better than that.


Re-reading Newt's messages, an idea suddenly came into being in Percival's mind - by seeking out the magizoologist's love interest, he might be able to put an end to Newt's painful pining. And no, he was not thinking of throwing the man that he was so jealous of to the wilds of Alaska so he could never hurt Newt again, even though he might not be aware of his behaviours.

 

Brows furrowed in thought, Percival drafted a list of the criteria for Newt’s possible love interest.


1. Judging from Newt's usage of pronoun, his love interest was a male.


2. Whoever he was, he was within the Department of Magical Security, as Newt mentioned seeing him looking at Tina and him when they were chatting.


3. He wore a suit, and did that rather constantly


He was an auror, working in the department that Percival was in charge of, constantly wore suit, and was perhaps kind of muscular. Also, he must be in a position higher than Porpentina Goldstein, as he would glare at the short-haired auror when he thought she was being distracted from her work. The director concluded.


This reduced down the list of suspects love interests to only a quarter of the original list, as he could eliminate all female workers, workers with rankings lower than Tina, and those with a distaste for suits.


This left him with only a handful of aurors with senior rankings.


Four of them, to be exact.

 

 

Suspect 01: Auror Harley Phan


Auror Phan was chatting with the trainee auror that was assigned to him several months ago – flirting, to be exact. The trainee was a very charming lady; Percival had to admit, even though he was not interested in women. (To be honest, he did not have much interest in men either unless he was called Newt Scamander and called himself the mummy of his case of magical beasts.)


He seemed to be the type of person who paid little attention to people other than the one he was keen on pursuing a romantic relationship with.


Didn’t even notice Newt. Check.


Plus, he was openly straight. Percival noted as he frowned at the chatting duo’s overly intimate behaviours. He was tempted to yell at the trainee auror who was sitting on Phan’s lap, giggling at the man’s joke, flipping her long blonde hair as she laughed.


Will definitely not love Newt back. Check.


But no – he was constantly distracted from his work as well, by the pretty girl currently sitting on his lap – Percival wondered how on Earth did he managed to be promoted to the post of Senior Auror in the first place. There was no way that he would be Newt’s love interest who glared at him for distracting Auror Goldstein from her work, as he wasn’t very keen on working himself.


Nope. Not going to be him.

 

 

Suspect 02: Auror Tristan Kane


Kane was sipping his cup of espresso when Percival decided to observe him from his office. Rubbing his eyes, he yawned as he continued with his paperwork. Percival’s glance followed the auror’s hand to his half-lidded eyes. He had raven orbs.


Dark eyes. Check.


The man put down the cup of coffee, accidentally spilling some of the hot liquid onto his hand. Cursing, the man pulled out his wand to cast a quick cleaning spell, as he hissed in pain. He stood up to toss the now empty disposable coffee cup into the rubbish bin, revealing his large belly that was originally hidden behind his desk. Glancing at his flabby arms, Percival crossed out his name.


Not muscular. Nope.

 

 

Suspect 03: Augustus Culburn


Auror Culburn was third in his checklist of suspects, yet he was nowhere to be seen. Percival stood up and exited his office, hoping to be able to locate his target somewhere in the office, and discovered him to be hiding in the pantry stuffing a muffin into his mouth. The man gave out a very undignified scream as he looked into Percival’s murderous eyes, his grip loosened, and the muffin rolled onto the marble floor.


He made note of the scared man’s emerald green eyes, and left Auror Culburn, shocked and confused, alone in the pantry.


No dark eyes. Nope.

 


Suspect 04: Elliot Madison


Auror Madison was laughing at the younger Goldstein’s jokes, who happened to drop by to visit her sister, his arms stretching, revealing his muscular, well-trained torso.


Muscular. Check.


Supporting his face with his clasped hands, Graves glanced through the half-shut blinds covering his window, observing the last suspect on his list. He gave a friendly slap on the younger Goldstein’s shoulder, grinning from ear to ear, his smile reaching his hazel eyes.


Dark eyes. Check.


Percival was observing Auror Madison with such intensity that he failed to notice the older Goldstein sister was standing right outside his office until she decided to clear her throat. Caught unaware of his surroundings, Percival gave out a fake cough to cover up his awkwardness, as he invited Tina to come in.


“These are the papers about the magical sightings in the Central Park by several no-maj last week, Mr Graves,” putting down the pile of documents, Tina said, “I need your signature – what’s that?”


Tina eyed the checklist with the names of nearly all aurors and associated personals under the Department of Magical Security suspiciously.


“Are you planning to fire us all? You seemed to cross out nearly everyone’s name, except Auror Madison’s,” she asked frowning.


“Of course not,” Percival answered. Goldstein would not be dumb enough to think that he was really going to fire everyone in the department, would she? Handing Tina the signed documents, Percival was planning to ask the female auror to leave his office so he could continue with his deductions, but changed his mind quickly after remembering how close she was to the magizoologist.


“Goldstein, I have a very serious question to ask you,” crossing his arms over his chest, Percival bent forward as Tina nodded, acknowledging him to continue, “Among those who are of a higher rank than you in the Department of Magical Security, who would you agree to be having dark eyes, always wears a suit, and strongly-built?”


“Auror Madison, I’d say,” Tina replied without having second thoughts, “Why did you ask, sir?”


Percival nodded. It seemed that his suspicion was confirmed.


“Nothing special,” he answered.


“Oh, there is someone else who fits the criteria, other than Auror Madison, “ turning on her heels and ready to leave the director’s office, Tina continued, as Percival stared at her with such curiousity, “You fit all these criteria, sir. Don’t you see?”


And it clicked.

 

 

Suspect 05: Percival Graves


Dark eyes. Check.


Always wore suits. Check.


Strongly-built. Check.


Serious attitude for work that he glanced at Auror Goldstein when she was distracted from her work. Check.

 

Stared at Newt and Auror Goldstein when they talked out of annoyance because he was pining for the magizoologist. Check.

 

 

Percival gasped at the sudden realisation.


He stood up and grabbed his coat, swinging it over his shoulder.


He had a message to reply to.


In person.

 

 

The aurors looked at their boss in confusion at his stormed out of his office, without even taking his briefcase along with him.

 

Other than Auror Porpentina Goldstein, of course, who was staring at her phone with a quirky smile.

 


From Newt: Oh no Tina I texted the wrong number thinking that was you just now
From Newt: I texted Graves and I rambled how much I love him and how pathetic my pining for him is.
From Newt: After the dinner with Jasmine I am going back to England goodbye
From Newt: He must now think that I am disgusting
From Tina: Newt, calm down.
From Newt: HOW COULD I CALM DOWN??!!
From Newt: Jasmine looks worried for me I might look too aggressive just now
From Newt: Sorry for yelling at you in my text Tina
From Tina: Don’t worry, I think it will turn out to be better than what you are thinking.
From Newt: What do you mean?
From Newt: WHAT ON EARTH IS GRAVES DOING HERE?
From Newt: OH NO HE IS WALKING TOWARDS US HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BURN A HOLE IN JASMINE’S HEAD


Newt is offline

 

“Would you give us a moment, Miss?” stopping right in front of the dating duo, Percival asked Jasmine, who was busily stuffing her mouth with creme brulee, as the girl smiled at him and claimed that she suddenly had a desperate need to use to the powder room, stranding the poor magizoologist with the director.


Percival sat down at Jasmine’s seat, and stared at Newt, who was trying so hard to avoid his glance by staring at his own lap as if there was something of particular interest crawling on it, perhaps a rare creature that nearly went extinct on American soil.


“No, he didn’t hate you. He didn’t stare at you and Auror Goldstein because he was annoyed with you, neither he thought that you were distracting Auror Goldstein from her work. Rather, he was staring at you because he thought he was the one pining for you. He most definitely loves you back, and you are not pathetic falling for him, for he has been thinking that he was the pathetic one pining for this angel in blue since the day you saved him from Grindelwald’s dark cellar.”


Newt slowly looked up, his mouth hung opened in shock. Percival chuckled at his adorable reaction.


“ He always notices you. How could someone not notice you, for you are so breathtakingly beautiful? And your kindness for animals and for men makes you stand out from the crowd. He loves how you are in that blue coat of yours. He thinks that it makes you more endearing than ever - not that he thinks that you aren’t without that navy blue coat anyway – He always wonders how you look like without that coat when he is in bed, all on his own,” looking into Newt’s sapphire blue orbs, Percival confessed.


“Has he - Have I ever told you that I love your blue eyes?”

 

From Jasmine: The confundus charm was working Newt did send the message originally intended for you to Mr Graves

From Jasmine: Everything went according to our plan Tina

From Jasmine: We did it
From Jasmine: Yes they are kissing
From Jasmine: Oh wait no-
From Tina: What are they doing tell me
From Jasmine: Mr Graves is pinning Newt onto the table
From Jasmine: Merlin’s beard you have to see this
From Jasmine: sexygaymakeout.jpg
From Jasmine: Tina we need to see this picture to The New York Ghost
From Jasmine: It’s priceless
From Tina: Hang on what
From Tina: Those idiots are finally together I mean FINALLY their sexual tension is unbearable
From Jasmine: Wait I think they are kicked out for public obscene behaviour?
From Jasmine: Oh they are apparating
From Jasmine: Guess you don’t have to wait for Newt to come home