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maybe i'll get drunk (again)

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i wanna be drunk when i wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.
It became a routine. Drink. Go to a bar. Drink some more. Pick someone up. Sleep with them. Wake up and kick them out. Repeat.
And maybe they all had blue eyes or blonde hair or a strong jaw. So what?
I never said I was over you.

and every excuse i made up, tell you the truth- i hate
It’s just that you didn’t understand what it was like for me to be sober.
No one ever does.
The demons start coming back, the walls begin closing in.
I can’t think. I can’t breathe.
Apollo, why couldn’t you see? I know you saw through my flimsy excuses, but you never thought to ask why.
I’ll tell you.
It’s to stop me from turning into a monster.

what didn’t kill me, it never made me stronger at all
Who was the dumbass who thought that original saying up anyway? They obviously didn’t know anything about reality. They never experienced having to receive and hide the bruises everyday. They never understood what it was like to be reminded over and over that you were worthless, pathetic, a failure.

i’m sat here wishing i was sober
You only really liked me then. Maybe, if I was sober, you would take me in again-

i know i’ll never hold you like i used to.
-but the moment’s gone. I was just one of your causes, a broken toy that you could not resist fixing. But I’m sorry. I’ll always be broken. And I know you would throw me away when you were done, like the trash I am.
You did.
Because I'll never be good enough for the mighty Apollo.