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It’s every time they touch. It’s every time they share glances. It’s every time they’re talking. It’s every time they’re even in the same room, he feels it.

Michael isn’t sure what “it” was, but he felt it.

It was when Gavin first joined Achievement Hunter, the first time Michael had seen the British man. The first time that they shook hands, Michael felt it. As Gavin smiled at Michael with a “Hello there,” heavy with an accent, Michael felt it.

It was every time they played Surgeon Simulator. Every time Gavin was a little too close to Michael, every time their hands brushed as Gavin fumbled with the computer mouse and caused the patient to bleed out. It was every time Michael cursed and looked at Gavin, even for a split second to comment on his “stupidity” that he felt it. It was when after they stopped recording they’d laugh for what seemed like hours at each other for being so ridiculous during the game that Michael felt it.

It was when they made stupid bets with each other that Michael felt it. It was when Gavin had to pass the $100 on to Michael for the bet he just lost, and their fingers brushed against one other’s that he felt it.

It was when they were recording their Minecraft Let’s Play and fist bumped for winning a game that Michael felt it.

It was when Gavin tried to pour powder on Geoff’s beard when Michael took his hand and pulled him to the ground while Geoff poured even more onto Gavin that Michael felt it. It was when Gavin got up finally, after coughing from the powder, and smiled stupidly at the camera that Michael felt it.

It was when Gavin eventually met Barbara, and when they started to get close that Michael felt it, but not in the good, interesting way he had been feeling it before. It kind of stung. He tried to brush the feeling off. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Gavin and Barbara dating, but he tried not to care.

Years later, Michael stood as Gavin’s best man at his and Barbara’s wedding. It was the two “I do’s” that Michael finally figured out what “it” was, the feeling all those years before. He figured out that he was the one who wanted to be saying “I do,” to Gavin. As the priest said the unforgettable words Michael had seared into his mind to this day, “You may now kiss the bride,” he shed a few silent tears at his realization.

As the two newlywed walked down the aisle, family and friends laughing, clapping and crying with happiness, Michael felt it once more.

The feeling before was complete and utter love. Now it was regret, sadness and ache, something he’d be feeling for the rest of his life.