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as autumn falls (i think i love you)

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as green turned into orange and red, min yoongi sat on an old bench, his earbuds resting in his ears. he watched as the leaves fell, each one escaping the grasps. yoongi envied the leaves, envied them as the fell to the ground and rested on the delicate grass with a sigh. he envied the freedom of nature, how it could bend and break and everyone would think it was beautiful. yoongi wish they thought he was beautiful, but all they did was remind. remind him of how disappointed they were.

 

“you were going to become a doctor min yoongi”

“you were going to find a wife and start a family”

“youre filthy min yoongi”

 

“youre not my son”

 

his hopes fell faster than the leaves, like a heavy weight sinking down, and yoongi was tied to the end, struggling to breathe. from a young age mama told him how he was going to grow up and become a great doctor and marry a beautiful women. she told him how much she loved him. but she only loved him for his future. for her dreams. mama never listened when her son told her how much he loved music, how much he loved his dreams. but she pushed him aside, because “mama always knew best” best for who? he thought, standing up and crushing the leaves by his feet. his dreams. crushed. because mama only wanted a good boy. but yoongi became everything and everyone she hates, and mama threw him to the side like trash, because she only wanted her dreams.

 

when he was 15 yoongi brought home his first boy. his first love. his skin was soft and warm and his smile reminded yoongi of a rabbit. jeon jungkook had become yoongis first obsession. but his mama wanted nothing of it. his mama hated jungkook, from the moment the sweet boy walked into her home she knew he was bad. bad for her. for her baby. so mama said no, she said no as yoongi cried. she said no as she pushed her baby, as she called him names and left him bruises. mama wanted the best for her baby, and he would have nothing less. some young boy with doe eyes wouldnt even come close to what her baby deserved.

 

at the age of 17 is when yoongi started to fight back. becoming more aware of how wrong his mother was. in what little friends he had, all their mothers were kind and gentle. yoongis mother was harsh and toxic and he began to hate her. he still saw jungkook, the hand holding and kissing becoming more and more public as yoongi became a legal adult. he had tried to move out when he hit 18, but his mother refused. the only way she would allow him to leave is if he goes to medical school. so they packed his bags and he went to seoul, leaving his home in daegu behind.

 

yoongi never showed up to medical school, never set foot on that campus. instead he moved into an apartment near jungkooks university, and produced music. mama would never approve and every time he skipped on medical school it was like a piece of him still hurt, still hurt after betraying his mama. jungkook would remind him with sweet kisses that yoongi was still loved and everything would be ok. but jungkookie didnt know that he was the only thing yoongi had left, and when he left yoongi for a brown haired boy with a boxy smile, yoongi was broken.

yoongi had come home one day to find jungkook shirtless with a strange man in his apartment. it broke him, like it would break anybody, but jungkook was all that yoongi had after he left his mama behind. jungkook was his stars and his moon and his sun and his sky. but jungkook had found another man, a man without mommy issues and without mental breakdowns and so many problems. jungkook had found a man who loved him for him. yoongi didnt respond to the scene in front of him that day, instead he had pointed to his front door and said one word;

 

“out”

 

jungkook had only shown back up and yoongis apartment once, to get his last bags. yoongi had packed everything of jungkooks that he had, except for a sweater that he didnt want to miss. yoongi wasnt over jungkook yet, he wasnt over the boys soft smile and bunny teeth and big doe eyes that sparkled. but jungkook had broken him and all he could see was a blur as the boy grabbed his bags and left.

 

yoongi had gotten multiple scholarships in his senior year of highschool. due to the looming shadow his mama had, yoongi had been the top in his class every year in highschool. he did it for his mama, because mama had threatened so much. despite the fact that jungkook went to bangtan university, it was close to yoongis home so he accepted the scholarship. it was under the music program, because yoongi had snuck in time during his highschool years for music.

 

yoongi was entering at his university as a freshman, at the age of 19. he had never gone to school like this. a school with so many talented people. he had gone to the most expensive, high pressure school in all of daegu. the only friend he made there was jungkook, so when yoongi came to the bangtan university, he didnt know what to do. the school seemed so relaxed and welcoming and yoongi was confused. werent schools supposed to be.. intense?

 

his mind raced, mama wouldnt approved. mama wanted him to go to seouls best medical school but here he was. his face paled when he saw jungkook hand in hand with the brown haired boy from months ago. his name was kim taehyung. yoongi felt anything but anger, he felt envy. he was envious that taehyung could swoop in and steal jungkooks heart from him. he was shaking, the tears starting to form in his eyes. he was overwhelmed, seeing junkook and his new boyfriend and this new school and mama would hurt him because of what hed done and-

 

yoongi flinched as a hand was placed on his shoulder, and a soft voice came after.

 

“are you ok..?”

 

said the voice, and yoongi looked up to see the prettiest boy he had ever laid eyes on. the boys hair was orange, and looked as soft as cotton candy. he wore round glasses, which drew attention to his wide sparkly eyes. his face was made of soft features, his skin held a healthy glow. the boy had plump lips that shone, but they were turned down into a frown. yoongi nodded quickly, taking the ends of his sweater and wiping his eyes. he felt embarrassed that this beautiful boy had seen him cry, had seen him fall apart. the boy took his hand off of yoongis shoulder, the warm touch leaving him. he looked down in shame but was surprised when the soft voice spoke again;

 

“my name is park jimin”

 

and holy shit the boy was talking to him. yoongi looked up to see jimin holding out his hand to shake. yoongi blushed, shyly placing his hand against jimins. jimin gave him a small smile, making yoongi blush harder.

 

“min yoongi”



-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

yoongi had survived his first week of university, or, second semester. he hadnt entered the school first semester, and didnt want to wait another year. all his professors were nice, and he made a new friend. his name was kim namjoon, and he was a rapper like yoongi. the tall boy with the funny glasses and soft pink hair went by the name rap monster. yoongi had laughed at first, but when he heard the younger boy rap he was speechless. he had seen that pretty boy park jimin a few times, jimin giving him a friendly smile or wave. yoongi would blush and wave back. it was hard for him though, because pretty boy park jimin seemed to pity him. yoongi was grateful for the hint of friendship, becuase the pretty boy had become something he looked forward to everyday.

 

yoongi was sitting with namjoon under a tree during lunch, sipping lazily on a juice box. on the other hand, namjoon was chattering about this guy he started dating. his name was kim seokjin and namjoon described him as a goddess and practically painted a picture with his words. yoongi was happy for his new friend, happy that he could find someone that made him feel that way. yoongi had that someone, but they left him alone and cold and there was nothing he could do about it. yoongi had been having less breakdowns, being around namjoon and his energy lightening yoongis mood. yoongi listened to the faint conversations of students around him. he was enjoying college. it was much more peaceful that his highschool. namjoon had stopped talking when a figure walked up to the two boys. yoongi looked up, his face turning red as the pretty boy park jimin stood in front of him.

 

“i um.. i just wanna um.. know your age.. for honorifics.. ya know..”

 

yoongi blushed, but gave a warm smile as he noticed how nervous the pretty boy was.

 

“19”

 

jimin smiled, sitting down across from yoongi. the action startled yoongi, his face red once more.

 

“so am i. month?”

 

“march”

 

“ahh. youre my hyung then.. im october”

 

jimin said, rubbing the back of his neck. yoongi just wanted to grab the boy and kiss him. yoongi cursed at himself, he didnt even know if the guy was gay or not. the two sat in silence quietly, but it didnt last long before namjoon coughed loudly. jimin looked up, a smile on his pretty face. yoongi hurt on the inside, jimin didnt smile at him like that. the orange haired boy ran into namjoons arms, the two hugging before jimin retreated back to sitting by yoongi.

 

“namjoon-hyung!”

 

so jimin and namjoon knew each other, yoongi thought, picking up his juice box once more and taking a long sip. the sip was to backfire as soon as jimin spoke next;

 

“you two should come hang out with me and jungkookie!!”

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

yoongi had practically turned paler than he already was, squeezing his juice box until juice flew out of it, landing on jimins dark blue sweater. jimin looked at yoongi questionly, only to see the elder almost to the brink of tears. jimin placed a reassuring hand on yoongis thigh, a frown on his face as yoongi flinched away.

 

“hyung…?”

 

yoongi shook his head, pulling his knees to his chest. the boy began to shake, the muffled sound of sobs breaking jimins heart. namjoon stood up, reaching his hand out for yoongi. he took it right away, letting the taller boy pull him up to standing. yoongi cast his gaze down, not wanting to look at the pretty boy. namjoon grabbed the sides of yoongis face, wipping his tears away with the pad of his thumbs. jimin stood in wonder, watching how namjoon pulled yoongi into a hug, the smaller of the two grabbing onto namjoons tshirt like his life depended on it. jimin felt a small pang of jealousy, but ignored it as he watched the tears run down the face of his hyung. he felt horrible, not knowing what he did wrong. he stood there helpless as namjoon began to pick up his and yoongis bags. jimin stepped forward, offering a hand. namjoon shook his head, giving jimin a serious look.

 

“jimin-ah, it would be best if you didnt mention kookie around yoongi hyung..”

 

jimin cocked his head in question, his eyes widening as namjoon grabbed yoongis hand, the smaller of two wipping his eyes with the back of his free hand. yoongi looked so small and precious jimin just wanted to hug and tell him it will be alright. jimin watched the two began to walk away, yoongi following namjoon slowly. jimin opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. he wanted to apologize, apologize for making the precious yoongi cry. everything had happened so quickly. one minute yoongi was smiling and blushing, and the next he was sobbing into namjoon. kookie jimin thought, grabbing his own bag and throwing it over his shoulder. he continued to watch yoongi hyung walk away with namjoon for a little longer, watching from afar as namjoon squeezed yoongis hand. jimin huffed, turning on his heel as he began to start looking for jungkook.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

it wasnt hard to find the young boy, his hand intertwined with his boyfriends. jimin was best friends with jungkook and his boyfriend taehyung, though jimin had know taehyung first. jimin approached the two, dropping his bag down on their table loudly. the two were in the library, catching up on homework. jungkook looked up first, his friendly smile disappearing as he saw jimins upset face.

 

“hyung, whats wrong?”

 

jimin pulled out the chair next to him, sitting in the seat, a strong stare met jungkook. at that point, taehyung had sat up in his chair, giving jimin a questioning look.

 

“who is yoongi hyung”

 

jungkooks eyes widened, his eyes looking sad. he looked right back at jimin though, about to say something before jimin cut him off

 

"dont give me shit jungkook who is he"

 

taehyung squeezed his hand, giving jimin a disapproving look. jimin ignored his best friend, staring directly at jungkook.

 

“he-hes my.. ex boyfriend..”

 

jimin paused for a moment before what jungkook said finally registered with him. ex...?? he thought, as he sat back in his chair, silently telling jungkook to continue.

 

“we um.. met when we were 15, and he was just supposed to be a one time thing ya know? i was like that in highschool. but i felt bad for him, i was his first everything. his first kiss, his first blowjob, handjob.. you name it. i took the kids virginity for christs sake.. but his mother.. his mother was abusive. hated me, hated him being gay. she was so obsessed with her dreams for yoongi that she never listened to him. i felt bad ya know? so i stayed around, i was the only thing he had. he abandoned his mother for me. he left that toxic place and we moved in together. it was only supposed to be a one time thing. he was cute and naive and no one had touched me in so long.. i took advantage and he got attached. but when i met you two and when i met taehyung.. i realized i wasnt happy being with yoongi. he wasnt a bad boyfriend, he was just.. clingy. he needed me.. i knew that. but i used him and i cheated and i feel so bad.. he kicked me out and never spoke a word. i didnt know he was coming here.. he hated the idea of school.. i…”

 

jimin slammed his hands on the table, jungkook and taehyung both jumping. jimin looked at jungkook with tears in his eyes, his face contorted in both anger and disappointment. he had only exchanged glances and shy smiles with yoongi, but hearing what happened between him and jungkook made his blood boil. he thought he knew jungkook, he never took the boy as a cheater. jimin stood up, grabbing his bag and began to walk away from the table. jungkook stood up, his chair scraping behind him.

 

“yah hyung! dont act all favorable towards him, you dont know him!”

 

jimin turned around, his hands in balls by his side. jimin didnt know what yoongi had done to him, but he mattered more than his own friends. yoongi was jimins stars and mood and sun but the two barely spoke. he had fallen in love with the way he stood, the way he walked and the way he smiled. his eyes sparkled like diamonds, and oh god he looked amazing with mint hair. jimin took a deep breath, closing his eyes before opening them again to meet jungkooks

 

“i thought i knew you”

jimin left the library, his head throbbing. he felt so bad for yoongi, and all he wanted to do is hold him and tell him its ok. he took his phone out of his back pocket, watching as a string of texts from taehyung filled his screen.

 

tae tae: jimin-ah.

 

tae tae: jungkook didnt mean to yell

 

tae tae: he was just flustered

 

tae tae: come back

 

(read at 2 pm)

 

jimin unlocked it phone, and ignored taehyungs text. instead, he opened his message with namjoon, sending a quick text. he put his phone back in his pocket, and walked to the campus bakery. he felt his phone buzz every minute or so, taehyung continuing to text him. he shoved his hands in his pockets, a cool breeze giving him chills. he felt his heart tighten at every step, because every time he walked farther away from taehyung and jungkook he knew that their friendship was slowly falling. jimin felt at peace though, the crunching of leaves under his feet and the chatter of students and birds making him feel slightly better. he walked into the small cafe, the barista giving him a small wink as they spoke. jimin sighed, handing her his money as he grabbed the box of treats and left. his heart raced as he grew closer and closer to his destination, the buzzes on his phone dying down. he entered the building, the glass door swinging open and a warm gush of air welcoming. the walk up the stairs wasnt long, just up the the first floor. he walked down the hallway, nodding to people he past by that he knew. he stopped in front of a dark brown door with huge music note stickers decorating it. he smiled, tracing the stickers with his fingers. placing his small hand on the handle, he pushed open the door, a dark room greeting him. it was quiet for a bit, before a small voice spoke up

 

“jimin-ah…?”



-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-



jamless: hyung im coming over

(2:20 pm) (read)