A Romantic Façade!
Grail-kun was so happy to be over someone’s house. The other servants were being so mean to him, what with Lancer-san cursing him and Saber-chan hurting him with a slash from her sword. At last, the Grail finally got to be greeted as a friend. To his joy, he heard his favourite sound: the sound of bickerers.
“Where are the new wine glasses?” One man said.
“Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!” A woman said. Delightful! Grail-Kun was presented a problem to solve! He then noticed the door opening.
“Grail-kun!! Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been a while, how's it going?” The man, Trip, said. Grail-kun simply nodded. He was then led in by Trip. “Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...” He said as he went. Grail-kun could hear the sounds of more arguing. He already knew how to fix this problem. Grace, the woman, followed Trip back to the living room, which was sparse for Grail-kun, who was adjusted to the large and over-the-top setting of the church.
“Hi! How are you? Oh, it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!” Grace said. Grail-kun then decided to speak.
“It has been forever...” It was weird for these people to have known Grail-kun when he only made his presence known to Masters and their Servants. But, he decided to play along. Grace seemed to ignore his cryptic statement, to his dismay, and went to the Living Room.
“So, Grail-kun, I’m hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.” Grace said. Already, Grail-kun knew the situation.
“You need more red.” He said. Everything was better with red. He then saw a couch. “It's so white... A perfect place to display blood.” He said. Blood goes well with anything, really, but white makes the blood... stand out!
“Uh, yes, but this couch is awful, isn't it?” Grace asked him.
“Blocky, yes.” He said. He did admit, it was weird to see the couch be so... square.
“See, Grace, no one has a problem with your decorating.” Trip said. Well, that was odd for Trip to say, considering that Grail-kun didn’t even say he liked it. But hey, what can you do? Better than what he’s going to put up with ten years later. “Oh, Grail-kun, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.” He then said. Grail-kun went to see the photo. “Um... now, Grail-kun, what does this picture make you think of?” There was only one logical answer.
“Bloodshed.” He said.
“Mmm... no...” Trip disapproved.
“Hey, what's wrong with that? That's a perfectly good answer!” Grace, on the other hand, approved.
“Uhh, n -- no just take a look, this says...” Trip said.
“Murder.” Was the obvious alternative for Grail-kun. Trip told him it was romance. Bummer. After a bit of bickering with Grace, Trip spoke up.
“Ah, Grail-kun, you probably didn't come here to hear this, heh...” He said.
“Actually. I did.” Grail-kun said. The two nervously chuckled for a bit.
“Heh, you had me going there for a sec... Never afraid to push your luck, heh heh heh... heh heh, you're crazy, heh, you know that?” Trip said.
“Yes. I am.” Grail-kun responded. Soon, Grace became irritated.
“Are you trying to say we've got problems? Or I've got problems, that this is all my fault from the start? Is that what you think?” Grace asked.
“You both have problems...” was his response. She then asked him if a man should flirt with other women for fun. He said yes. Lust was perfectly natural as one of the carnal evils of the world, and should be encouraged, after all. This, for some reason, pissed off Grace even more, and she stormed off to the kitchen.
“Uhh... goddammit, Grace...” Trip said.
“You’re so hopeless, Trip-san.” Grail-kun said as he went to the kitchen. He then got himself the Romance Fixing Kit! A kitchen knife guaranteed to fix any romantic relationship issue! He then headed back and handed it to Trip as Grace followed him back. Then, he gave Trip his signature advice.
“Sometimes the best love is the doomed love.” He said to Trip.
“See Grace. Our friend knows a good life when he sees it.” Trip said. For once, Trip finally agreed with something. Finally, Grail-kun’s work was done. He then turned and left the room while Trip followed his advice.
“We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you some breaking news. There has been a murder at Disposable Apartment #321. The murderer, Trip Tripperson, was sent into police custody after stabbing his wife, Grace, repeatedly. He claimed that he was just following the advice of one Grail-kun. Police have yet to judge if he’s insane or not.” The news reporter said on the midnight showing of some random show.
“Goood.... Gooood...” The Cockroach from Family Guy said as he rubbed his hands together.