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at the end of the day

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"hyung, you okay?"

 yoongi looks up at taehyung from the couch, blinks blankly. it takes him a few seconds too long to ask tae to repeat himself because he wasn't listening.

taehyung frowns and goes over to the couch, sits next to yoongi and looks closely at him. yoongi looks back at him, lost in thought. he looks sleepy and small in his oversized t-shirt and just generally soft and yoongi would like to build a nest for himself in the angle between taehyung's neck and his right shoulder. he knows he's beyond out of his right mind after having that thought. he needs to sleep for a week or two and he needs to sleep right now.

"hey, what's wrong?" taehyung asks, taking yoongi's face between his hands.

"can't sleep. i'm tired," he replies. he's used to not sleeping, he has spent enough nights up working, but he always wanted to be awake. now it's been almost four days, he wants to sleep but he can´t and he doesn't know how much more he can take.

"hm, i can see," taehyung says, running his thumbs softly over the dark circles yoongi knows are under his eyes. they look very dark and make him look paler than he is. he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror earlier before going to sit on the couch to stare at the wall and he looked like he was dead.

he lets himself be held for just a moment, sighs lightly and takes taehyung hands off his face. "i'm okay, don't worry. go back to sleep, taehyung." he doesn't know exactly what time it is, but he figures it's late enough for taehyung to have been asleep before finding him here.

taehyung doesn't say anything, just stands up and takes advantage of yoongi's hands still on his wrists (he hasn't even realised he was still holding tae) to make his hyung stand up as well. he starts walking back to his room, taking yoongi with him by their intertwined hands (when did that happen?). yoongi thinks he has to stop him, but his mind-body connection is working slower than usual and they make it to tae's bedroom's door before he can make a conscious move.

"wait, what are you doing?" he asks, taking a step back and trying to disentangle his hand from taehyung's.

"we're going to cuddle," taehyung replies with a smile. he looks so proud, like he just had the best idea in the world. yoongi has to gather all his willpower to say no. "why not?"

"i don't think it's a good idea," yoongi says, scratching the back of his head and scrunching up his nose a bit. taehyung all but pouts and yoongi is too tired for this. "taehyung, i..." his pout deepens, he opens his eyes as wide as they'll go and yoongi closes his, taking a deep breath. "fine, okay," he mutters.

he opens his eyes again and it's a huge mistake. taehyung is looking at him with his big boxy smile and it's too bright for this time of the night, too bright for yoongi's sleep deprived mind. "c'mon, move," he says, motioning with his free hand for the door, trying to sound impatient and exasperated. he is exasperated. kim taehyung exasperates him to no end and he would like to make him stop but he can't. he's tried already.

yoongi lets taehyung take him inside the room and manhandle him into bed. he rearranges them until they are pressed close together, taehyung's arm thrown over yoongi's middle, a leg over yoongi's, yoongi's head in the space between taehyung's neck and shoulder, right where he wanted it since taehyung sat next to him on the couch.

"isn't this better than the couch, hyung?" taehyung whispers, pressing his lips lightly to yoongi's hair.

yoongi hums noncommittally, buries his face further into taehyung's neck and takes a deep breath. he's going to make the most out of this situation and blame it on the lack of sleep in the morning.

they lie like that for a long time. slowly, taehyung sneaks his hand under yoongi's t-shirt, until he can place it against his ribs. the warm contact of skin on skin makes yoongi shiver and he hopes it goes unnoticed. taehyung starts tapping his fingers on his ribs, plays them like a piano, and it should be unnerving, but yooongi can feel all his bones and muscles going pliant under the touch, relaxing against taehyung's body. he can feel sleep creeping on him as slowly as taehyung's fingers are moving, he tries to fight it back. he's very tired but he wants to stay awake, feel tae's hand on his skin and his breathing slowing down until he's asleep, commit everything to memory.

"try to sleep, yoongi-hyung," taehyung murmurs.

then he softly kisses yoongi's temple, his cheek, his jaw, and yoongi doesn't know what is happening but he doesn't want it to ever stop. he can feel his cheeks going warm, surely going what he hopes is mild pink and not full red too, and he thanks the dim light in the room if it covers it up at least a bit. he looks up at taehyung and finds the younger boy looking sheepishly back at him. there's something in his eyes that yoongi is too tired to understand, and maybe it's because he's that tired or maybe because taehyung is too beautiful that he does what he does next. he closes his eyes and moves forward, planting a soft kiss, almost a peck, on taehyung's lips. it doesn't last more than five seconds, and when yoongi pulls back and opens his eyes, he can see taehyung's face all scrunched up and his fingers have stopped moving on his ribs and yoongi wants to disappear because he has fucked it up. he had to make this awkward, hadn't he? he had to let his stupid feelings for taehyung get in the way of a perfectly nice cuddle. make it weird. ruin it.

he makes a motion to get up and leave, but taehyung tightens his arm around him and starts moving his fingers on his ribs again, coaxing both of their bodies to relax. "i said sleep," he says, closing his eyes and pressing his head on yoongi's chest. he's trying to make himself smaller to fit better against yoongi's body and keep him firmly in place, and with that any strength left leaves his body and yoongi loses himself to (finally) sleep. he'll leave in the morning before taehyung wakes up.

he's sure he dreams the barely audible 'i love you'.  

***

sunlight that's too bright and too warm for it to be anything but almost midday makes yoongi stir uncomfortably in his sleep. he purposely keeps his eyes shut, cursing the sun internally hoping it'll somehow make it go away and let him sleep for another ten hours, please. it doesn't work.

he narrows his eyes open and it takes him a whole minute to place himself. he's still not sure where he is, because this looks a lot like his room but not exactly; he tries to roll onto his back but he can't, and then he's too aware of where he is and who he is with and everything comes back to him at once and he wishes he was still asleep.

taehyung's arm is heavy over his middle body and he's nuzzling the back of yoongi's neck and he can't move.

"good morning, or whatever time of the day it is," tae mumbles. his voice is even deeper than usual and yoongi could honestly cry right now. "did you sleep well?"

yoongi hums and moves a bit. taehyung takes the hint and loosens his hold of yoongi enough for him to turn around (but still not to move away). he doesn't face taehyung, not immediately. he needs a moment to gather his thoughts and put a blank face that'll show no emotion. he can do this, he can ignore last night and the way taehyung's lips felt against his and he can ignore how his heart skipped a beat when taehyung said good morning and how there's warmth radiating from where he has his arm carelessly thrown over yoongi to the rest of his body and how intimate and domestic this feels. he'll ignore everything and more and move on with his life.

he turns around and faces taehyung, and he tries his best but he can't ignore the soft smile tugging at his lips and the look on his eyes. he can't ignore how taehyung is looking at him, shy and open and somewhat expectant and nothing like his usually vibrant and loud self. it's new and yoongi doesn't know what to do with it.

"so..." taehyung starts but doesn't finish.

"so?"

"last night..." he says, licks his lips, continues. "you kinda kissed me." he sounds insecure, like maybe yoongi won't remember it, but the ghost of a smirk is playing over his face as he says it and if yoongi wasn't planning his escape to japan he would smack him because you don't tease your hyungs like that.  

"i did," he hears himself saying. "you didn't kiss back," he whispers. he doesn't recall his mind giving his mouth permission to say that.

"i know," taehyung sighs and yoongi could swear his eyes drop to his lips for a milisecond. wishful thinking, or whatever they call it.

"listen, tae, it's okay, i wa-"

"can i kiss you now?" taehyung cuts him.

yoongi's eyes widens. he opens and closes his mouth three times before he can find his voice again. "but, last night... i mean, you didn't-"

"last night you were tired as hell and i didn't want to take advantage of your severe sleep deprivation. i didn't know if you really wanted it and i didn't want it to be like that." taehyung rolls onto his back and looks at the ceiling; yoongi stares at his profile. "but i wanted to kiss you back. i always want to kiss you. i think i don't have any willpower left after not kissing you back."

yoongi feels dizzy with all this new information his brain is trying to process. taehyung wanted to kiss him back. taehyung didn't want it (the kiss? their first kiss?) to be like that (has he thought about it like yoongi has, too?). taehyung always wants to kiss him. taehyung always wants to kiss him.

this last thought is what springs him into action. he tugs at taehyung's sleeve to make him look at yoongi again, and before he can think twice of what he's doing, his lips are on taehyung's. he can feel the other smiling before he starts kissing him back, and if yoongi was sure it was going to be hard to forget last night's feeling, he doesn't know how he's ever getting over this. doesn't know if he wants to. he parts his lips experimentally and taehyung takes it as an invitation to give a quick lick into his mouth and deepen the kiss until all yoongi can think about is taehyung.

he leans back against the pillow, takes taehyung down with him and lets him take control over the situation. he kisses yoongi for what feels like forever, taking it from deep kissing to barely there pecks and back to deep. when he finally breaks the kiss, he's smiling widely, his lips red and shiny, and yoongi wants to kiss him again already.

"way better than a sleepy kiss, right?" he asks, wiggling his eyebrows. it makes yoongi laughs.

he has a feeling every kiss with taehyung will be the best kind.

"right. shut up," he says, and tugs taehyung down again.

-

later, he remembers the 'i love you' he dreamed. maybe it wasn't a dream after all.