You originally thought this was going to be easy and it would get better.
Find justice for yourself, put Kristoph in his place, get your badge back. Success is supposed to be the best revenge, right?
You've succeeded where Kristoph would have thought you would fail because you've brought the jury back. The one thing he'd never expect you to do, but you're not like Kristoph, never have been: you have feelings, empathy, and compassion. No matter how much you tried to mirror Kristoph's egotism and pretend he couldn't hurt you, you couldn't be exactly like him. You just learned to conceal your expressions better and to play a little dirtier because he was and you had to do it to make this work. Learning competitive poker and raising your very perceptive daughter helped with that too.
But sometimes there are mornings like these. Where you sit in bed with Miles shaking, and all you want is to drown yourself in grape juice, but Miles keeps you from moving, sitting with you through the fear and depression, talking softly and encouragingly, "Sometimes just waking up is all you can do, Wright, and it's enough. Some days, less than 70% is all you're going to be able to manage. You learn to live with it."