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First Love

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Finn woke up early Sunday morning with a great need to pee. He gently moved out of Puck’s arms, climbed over him, and padded to the bathroom. He closed the door, turned the light on as habit, then muttered, “Oh right, electricity is back on. Cool.”

He relieved himself, gave himself points for washing his hands, and started to go back to bed. He paused first to look out the window, and noticed that they had more snow to shovel, but the streets hadn’t been cleared yet. Whatever. He plugged his and Puck’s phones in, and then climbed back into bed. He smiled to himself when Puck rolled back over and curled his body around him.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Not even seven. Go back to sleep,”

“’K, love you,” Puck said sleepily, and he promptly went to sleep.

Finn didn’t, though. What was that? Puck loved him? Was that a bro love, or like, a love-love? He knew they had a bro love, or that bromance thing that he heard Kurt talk about sometimes, but they never said “love you” like that before. Of course, they never slept all curled up together either, but whatever.

It’s not even seven a.m., Finn. Go back to sleep. You have to shovel again, and you should sleep. You are never up this early unless you have school, and this is vacation. It’s vacation, dude. Go to sleep.

He snuggled in closer to Puck, and closed his eyes, and finally drifted off.

 

Once again, Kurt woke them up by knocking at 10:30.

“Breakfast is ready, and we have to shovel. Again. Don’t make me come in there,” he called, laughing.

“Kurt, it’s fine. We’ll be down shortly,” Finn said, rolling his eyes.

“What? What is he yelling about?” Puck mumbled, rolling over and wiping his eyes.

“Breakfast is ready,” Finn said.

“French toast?”

“No idea, he didn’t say. I think I smell bacon, though.”

“I’m up.” Puck jumped out of the bed and pulled yesterday’s jeans on, along with a long-sleeved t-shirt and sweatshirt that belonged to Finn. He’d only been planning on spending one night, so he was out of clean clothes. “Can I do some laundry today, dude?”

“Sure. I can throw them in with mine.”

“Thanks.”

Finn was feeling… domestic, he guessed was the word. Sleeping with Puck, sharing a bathroom, doing laundry and other chores with him. He knew it would be just today, and maybe part of tomorrow before it ended, but it was really nice. He wanted to know what Puck meant when he said “love you”, but he knew now wasn’t the time to ask, and really, he was afraid of the answer.

 

They went downstairs and ate breakfast – pancakes and bacon today – and after, bundled up again to shovel. As they were putting their boots on, Finn asked about his mom and Burt.

“Their flight is canceled. Columbus is just as bad as Lima, and they are getting some flights in, but not many. It doesn’t matter, though, since the side streets haven’t been cleared here. Dad said they’ll be on a flight in a couple days, they hope, but travel is impossible, and the storm is traveling east now,” Kurt said.

“Damn, I hope they get home before Christmas.” Finn paused. “Shit. I need to shop.”

“You haven’t shopped yet, Finn?” Kurt all but shrieked.

“How long have you known him?” Puck asked. “You know he hasn’t shopped yet. He still has time for the deep panic to set in. Then he’ll beg you to go shopping with him, and let you pick out gifts for everyone.”

“Shut up, that’s not what I do.”

“Yes, it is,” Puck said.

“Oh, it is so what you do,” Kurt said at the same time, laughing.

“I’ll be happy to help you this year,” Blaine said with a smile.

“Thanks, Blaine. I’ll take you up on that,” Finn said, gratefully.

“God, you are such a Boy Scout,” Kurt said, laughing.

“Yes, but that’s one of the things you love about me,” Blaine cooed.

“Yes, it really is,” Kurt sighed, making heart eyes.

“Get a room,” Puck said.

 

They finished breakfast, and then shoveling, took their boots off by the door, and begged Kurt to make hot chocolate again. Like yesterday, Blaine and Puck went to shower, and Finn and Kurt talked while Kurt made the hot chocolate.

“How’s it going with you and Puck?”

“Good, I guess.”

“You guess?

“Yes. How’s it going with you and Blaine?”

“Good. We were talking about how domestic this feels this morning.”

“Yes! I was thinking that, too. Puck said he needed to wash some clothes, and I said I’d throw his clothes in with mine, and it just felt so weird.”

“Good weird?”

Finn thought for a moment. “Yeah, really good. I mean, obviously we aren’t going to move out tomorrow to get an apartment, but yeah, good weird. You?”

“Yes, same with us.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Is this about sex?” Kurt smiled. “I figured you might have some questions about that.”

“No! Well, I might have questions about that later, but this is something else.”

“Okay, I still have my pamphlets if you’d like to read them.”

“Uh, I’d actually like to, thanks. This is, uh, what I mean is… Oh fuck.” He felt his face redden. “This morning Puck said ‘love you’. What does that mean?”

“It means he loves you.” He paused. “I’m confused as to why you’re confused. Maybe I need more context?”

“So I had to pee, and when I got back in bed, he said, ‘love you,” then fell right back to sleep. I don’t know if he means like a friend or bro thing, or like he loves me loves me.”

“’Loves you loves you?’”

“Kurt, you know, like romantically.”

“It’s frightening that I understand this. Finn, have you thought about asking him?”

“No?”

“Finn.”

“God, what is with you and all this talking?”

Kurt just looked at him, and Finn said, “Shut up.” Finn took his hot chocolate, along with Puck’s, and went upstairs. It’s like déjà vu all over again, he thought. Another day, another talk. He sighed.

 

He found Puck sitting on the bed, playing on his phone. He handed him his hot chocolate.

“Thanks, man. I talked to my mom. Their street hasn’t been plowed yet, either. They’re doing okay though.”

“Good. Hey, what do you need to get washed? I’m going to throw a load in.”

Puck got his clothes together, and dumped them in Finn’s arms. Finn went and tossed them in the washer, added some detergent, and started it. He took his shower, and all the while, he knew he had to have this ‘love you’ discussion. He dreaded it. If Puck meant that he loved him loved him, that was scary. That’s a Big Deal. But what if Puck meant it as bros? Finn thought that was even scarier.

Finn knew people thought he was dumb. He may be dumb and he gets that, but he really hated not understanding things. He’s always tried really hard to get things, but it doesn’t come easy. School doesn’t, and people don’t either. People are worse sometimes. But he always understood Puck, and Puck was the one person who got him, too. It was easy, or had been until all the baby drama, but even then, they got each other.

But now, they’ve introduced this new romantic level, and along with it, this side of Puck that Finn hadn’t seen before. He wouldn’t have, since they weren’t dating or boyfriends or whatever. He wouldn’t know what Puck means by “love you”. He really, really doesn’t want Puck to think he’s dumb. Fuck. Finn sighed, and then realized he’d been in the shower for a long time. He needed to get out before Puck thought he was jacking off again.

He dried off, which will now never not remind him of how Puck did it for him, and dressed in McKinley sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He went into his bedroom, and found Puck back on his bed, playing a game on his phone.

“Dude, you were in there for like ever. Fantasizing again?” Puck laughed.

“Ha, you’re so funny. No, just thinking about shit.”

“Yeah?” Puck sat up on the bed. “More talking?”

“Uh yeah, looks that way.” Finn sat next to him on the bed. “So um, listen.” His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat, and started again. “Yeah, fuck.”

“Dude, are you breaking up with me?” His eyes widened, and he fisted the blankets.

“What? No. Why would you ask that?”

“You sound like you’re about to tell me something horrible.”

“No, not at all. Okay, damn, I’m doing this so badly. I know I’m dumb, but I need to know what you meant by something, okay?”

“You are not dumb. Your brain just works differently sometimes, and don’t talk about my boyfriend that way.”

One day, Finn would learn to not blush. Really, he would. Obviously, today was not that day.

“Thanks, dude.” He swallowed hard. “Anyway, this morning, after you came back from the bathroom, when it was really early, do you remember what you said?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Well, I’m confused as to how you meant it.”

“How I meant it?”

“Yeah, like did you mean it as bros, like best friends? “’Cause that’s possible, ya know. Or did you mean it like, you know…” He trailed off.

“Oh yeah, I guess I can see how that’s confusing, especially with this new relationship we have.” Puck leaned into Finn, and kissed him, quickly. “Sorry about that. I’m no sap, but what I meant was that I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Is that okay?” Puck seemed to shrink into himself while he waited for Finn’s answer.

“Yeah, it’s great! I was afraid of your answer. I mean, it would have been cool if you meant as bros, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Aww you had hopes?” Puck bumped Finn’s shoulder with his own.

“Shut up. You love me.”

“Yeah, I really do. But listen, it’s okay if you don’t yet.”

“I do. I think I’ve loved you for a long time.” He saw Puck’s stunning smile, and leaned over and kissed him.

After they kissed for a few minutes, Finn pulled away, and started to stammer. “I, um, was wondering about, um, well.” And shit, he felt the blush again.

Puck grinned. “This has to be good. You’re blushing again, babe. Is it about sex?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what to do. I mean, Rachel and I did stuff, and of course, I did with Santana, but I don’t know anything about doing it with a guy.”

“Like I do? I mean, I’ve watched some porn, but they usually skip over the important parts, like the prep stuff.”

Finn blushed again. “Kurt offered me his pamphlets.”

“Dude, get them!”

“Oh my God. Okay. This isn’t embarrassing at all.” He rolled his eyes, reluctantly got off the bed and walked to Kurt’s room. The door was closed, so he knocked.

“Come in,” Kurt called.

Finn opened the door, and found Kurt and Blaine watching a movie. “Uh yeah, Kurt, I need to borrow what we were talking about downstairs.”

“What? What were we talking about?”

“Kuuurt,” Finn whined, “you said I could read something if I wanted to.”

“Ohhh the pamphlets. Right. Sorry.” Kurt got up and went to his dresser, opened his top drawer, and dug out a stack of pamphlets.

“Aww Finn, you and Puck are going to read the pamphlets? They were really helpful for Kurt,” Blaine said with a smile.

“Yeah, that’s great,” Finn muttered. “This is not embarrassing. Not at all. It’s fine. Just fine.”

“Finn, you’ll live through this, I promise,” Kurt said, handing him the stack of glossy pamphlets. “And remember, you matter.” Blaine and Kurt giggled, and Finn just rolled his eyes and started to leave the room.

“Oh Finn, wait,” Blaine said. Finn turned around, and watched Blaine digging in his bag. He came back with a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms, and handed them to Finn. “Here. Kurt had some already, so you can have these.”

“Oh my… Fuck. Yeah, thanks.” His face felt like it was on fire, so he just left and closed the door. He heard them laughing behind him.

 

He walked back into his room, and Puck took one look at his face, and laughed. “That bad, babe?”

“Worse, but whatever. Check these out.” He set the lube and condoms on the nightstand and showed the first pamphlet to Puck. “Oh my God. ‘Boys Loving Boys’. Well, it has pictures inside.”

“Yeah, it does. This could be fun,” Puck said, pointing to one of the sketches. It diagrammed the proper way to use fingers to prepare your partner for anal sex. “What do you think?”

“Sure, it looks hot. ‘Give the sphincter muscles a few moments to relax’,” Finn read from the pamphlet. “Do I have those muscles?”

“Yeah, that’s the muscle that holds in your poop when you clench your ass when you really, really have to go,” Puck explained.

“Oh. That’s what they’re called.”

Puck pulled another pamphlet from the pile and glanced at it, then glanced at the lube on Finn’s nightstand. “So this lube thing is no joke, huh?”

“Yeah, apparently not. Blaine brought some, and since Kurt already had some, he gave us his. That’s all I wanted to know about it, really.”

Puck laughed. “Yeah, I bet. Hey, are you hungry?”

“God, yes. Let’s go eat.” Finn was aroused, but also overwhelmed. Who was going to do what to who? Whom? Whatever. How much lube was enough? Could you use too much? God, they’d probably have to talk about it. He needed food, and a break.

 

Over sandwiches, chips and Cokes, they chatted about the streets and Puck’s mom, and when they thought he’d be able to get home. They’d been checking the news sites, and they were still saying they’d get to the side streets “as soon as possible”, and if anyone had any medical needs, to contact police.

“Well, if we are snowed in, at least we’re together, and not with parents. I guess that’s a plus,” Finn said.

“No shit. I can’t imagine being stuck inside with my mom and sister all this time. It wouldn’t be pretty.”

Finn laughed. “No, I bet it wouldn’t.” He reached across the table and took Puck’s hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, babe.” Puck picked up their plates and put them in the sink. “Wanna go back upstairs? Play games, watch a movie? Read some pamphlets?”

“Sure, any of those.” He stood and took Puck’s hand and led him out of the kitchen. “Or none of those things,” he said with a smirk.”

“Best snow storm ever,” Puck said.