"You had sex with the son of the first female President of the United States?"
"See?" said Colin. "If you'd just checked my Twitter, you'd know about these sorts of things."
"What am I supposed to say? No, wait, what am I supposed to wear?"
"Clothes are traditional, I think," Colin said. "But hey, you want to say 'hi' wearing just a smile, that's cool. I'm not the jealous type."
"Please." Colin raised his hands. "I prefer Harvard Hottie."
"You went to Harvard?" Ally asked.
TJ smirked. Colin scowled. "Not really, no."
"Harvard's over-rated, anyway." TJ shrugged.
"So the two of you met at the grocery store?" Ally asked. Colin scowled a bit more. "C'mon, you know about all of my terrible, awful, no-good dates."
"Ouch," said TJ.
"Not that I'm saying you and he - " Ally gestured vaguely. "I mean, I'm sure it was great."
"Thank you, Ally."
"Because, I mean, well, Colin's great, right, and you're - well, you. And I'm proud to be an American. Sir."
"Thank you, Ally."
TJ grinned. "I like her."
"You're gay, right?" Ally said quickly. "I mean, like a - " she gestured vaguely.
"Don't worry, I don't hit on other people's girlfriends," said TJ.
"Uh-huh. Just their husbands, right?"
"What? I watch the news. And you know what, good for you! I'm getting a soda."
"Sorry," Colin said. "Ally's a little - "
"It's cool." TJ shrugged. "I mean, so what? I slept with a married guy, he dumped me, I tried to kill myself. It happens, right? No need to make a big deal out of it."
"She doesn't tweet," Colin explained. "I keep telling her she should."
"Listen up, buster, Mr Hammond, sir."
"Please," TJ said. "TJ's fine. It's what all my friends call me."
"Your enemies, too," said Colin.
"Let's keep my family out of this, all right?"
"Hel-lo." Ally waved her hands. "I was talking, thank you. Now, listen. You do not kill yourself over a guy. Ever. Do you know why?"
"Ooh, I know this one. Because they're all assholes, right?" Colin said. "Present company excepted, of course. I'm reformed."
"Pretty sure I'm not." TJ sighed. "But hey, at least I'm clean, so that's something."
"Right," Ally said. "You're some sort of addict, right? Sorry, it's just all these articles about all these people I'm never going to meet anyway - or so I thought, and then suddenly, bam. Son of the President sitting on my couch. Aren't you supposed to have a whole bunch of bodyguards or something?"
"They're in stealth mode."
"They're really good. I don't see anyone."
"He's kidding," Colin said. "At least, I think he's kidding."
"Well, hey, you're some sort of police guy, right?" TJ said. "Proud family tradition, the whole she-bang. Anyone tries to make a move, I'm sure you're up to it."
"I don't think I'm going to make a move on some guy I haven't seen in over two years while I'm dating the most wonderful woman in the world."
"But, really, how'd you meet?" Ally asked. "Details!"
"Check-out line," Colin said.
TJ chuckled and leaned forward to ruffle his hair. "This guy!"
Ally reminded herself that she was an open-minded patriot.
"We met, we had sex. The end." Colin shrugged. "Sorry my date stories aren't as horrifying and yet fascinating as yours. To be fair, I do have a lot more of them, but most of them kind of sound alike."
"Bag 'em and tag 'em, huh?" Ally said. "Make 'em and break 'em. Snooze 'em and loose 'em."
"Snooze 'em? Do I even want to know?"
"I don't think there's anything wrong with letting someone sleep in," Colin said. "In fact, some people would call that being considerate."
"Of course," TJ said, "when there's a bunch of Secret Service guys hanging around, it gets a little awkward when you're trying to sneak out."
"He didn't." Ally turned to Colin. "You didn't."
"Hey. Not like I was doing a walk of shame or something. I had somewhere I needed to be."
"Right. What was it again? Early dentist appointment?"
"Well, excuse me, but some of us like to get our dental health attended to first thing in the morning. You know, to get it over with."
"Anyway, it was only a one-time thing," TJ said. "But, well, couple of months ago, right out of the blue, he hit me up for some intel on this Piper guy so I figured I might come for a visit. For old time's sake."
"You know Tom Piper?" Ally asked. "Duh. Of course you know Tom Piper."
"Because he's gay, right, and all of us gay people, we all know each other?"
Ally blinked. "Um, no. Sheesh, homophobic, much? Well, I guess you aren't, because you're gay, and if you were homophobic, that'd mean you'd have to hate yourself or something and that'd be really, really messed up and also kind of sad. But, I mean, doesn't everyone in DC sort of, kind of know each other? Because you're, you know, making politics together?"
"How'd you know he's gay, anyway?" Colin said.
TJ shrugged. "I guess that whole gay-dar thing isn't complete bullshit. We didn't date or anything - he's not my type, and given that I'm out, I'm pretty sure I'm not his, either."
"But Colin's your type?"
"Hey, don't worry." TJ smiled. "I wasn't kidding, before. Just wanted to get out for a bit. Stretch my legs. Get some fresh air."
"You came to Boston for the air?"
"Trust me, it's nice out here," TJ said. "I'm enjoying myself. I can breathe here. I can walk, right down the street, and nobody bothers me."
"I thought you were getting along better with your family," said Colin.
"That's what it says on the official twitter feed, sure." TJ smirked. "Got to be true, right?"
Ally made a buzzing sound. "Wrong. No fridge for you, buddy."
"So how about it?" TJ asked. "Want to see what a night on the town with unlimited VIP access to every club you've always wanted to get into looks like?"
"No drugs, no alcohol and no monkey business, right?" Ally said. "Especially that last one. I'm happy, all right? I'm finally happy because I've found the perfect guy, and I'm not going to let you or anyone else screw that up for me, super-duper important person or not."
"Or, just an idea, we could stay in, watch some Mexican wrestling and order in some enchiladas," Colin said. "Ally can mix up some virgin margaritas - it'll be great."
"Sure. I guess. Why not?"
("I have no idea how to make a virgin margarita. Is that even possible?")
("Sure it is. I googled it.")
("You mean you didn't read that on twitter? Colin, I'm shocked. I'm speechless.")