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The Best Laid Plans

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Sherlock eyes his brother curiously. His suit is primly pressed like always, though in ways that do nothing to flatter his growing waistline, but there is something different about the man who claims to but a minor position in the British government. It's not the brolly ever present on his arm, nor is it the white undershirt… it's the tie. He's wearing a tie that isn't his.

"Staring is unbecoming, little brother, now do you want this case or not?"

The prospect of having a case, even one as boring as that one promises to be, nearly distracts him.

"You are wearing Gavin's tie."

Mycroft blinks, doesn't look down but his hand not holding the folders for the case twitches.

"Whose tie?"

"Gavin, or is it Graham? The Detective Inspector with the team full of idiots."

"Why on earth would I be wearing the Detective Inspector's tie?"

Sherlock's eyes narrow.

"You slept with him."

The signs are glaringly obvious now. As a younger sibling the mind tries to shield itself from the disgusting thought of older siblings having sex, but when the proof is there slapping you in the face it's hard to look away. Mycroft rolls his eyes and scoffs.

"Not only are you wearing his tie, you smell of his aftershave, there is a hickey poking out from under your collar, you have bags under your eyes, and! And you had that sway to your hips that you always have after having sex!"

John chooses that moment to come out of the kitchen with a tray of tea.

"Who is having sex?" He asks.

"Geoff and Mycroft!"

"Oh. Congratulations?"

Sherlock stares at John in shock while Mycroft shifts.

"There is no need…"

"Are you happy?"

Mycroft blinks.

"Excuse me?"

"Does whatever you and Greg," John stressed the Detective's name, looking at Sherlock, "have, make you happy… hypothetically if you want to keep denying there is a thing."

Both Holmes roll their eyes at John's attempt. Mycroft smiles slightly, softly as if he's trying not to. John sees it and beams.

"Congratulations," he says again. Sherlock huffs.

"Mycroft, you're dating a goldfish!"

"Sherlock!"

"It's his words, John."

Seeing the look on his flatmate's face, Sherlock closes his mouth knowing he will find no help from that corner. Mycroft clears his throat and holds out the folder again.

"Do you want the case or not?"

"No. It's so easy, even Graham's team could solve it," Sherlock sniffs. He sees John look heavenward, and Mycroft sighs.

"Very well."

With that, the older Holmes turns around and leaves. Sherlock zones out, effectively ignoring the resulting lecture John gives him, retreating to his mind. It just doesn't make sense to the consulting detective. What does Mycroft see in the DI? And what does Lestrade see in Mycroft!? They should be incompatible together. Geoff wears his emotions on his sleeve and Mycroft believes them to be a weakness.

He emerges from his mind palace as John is winding down. Normally he would ask 'a bit not good' but right at that second, he is too busy devising ways to keep them apart to care too terribly much if he misstepped socially.

"Sherlock."

"Yes, John?"

"Leave them be, please. They deserve to be happy."

And that is why he must break them up. Because once the thrill of doing something new wears off Mycroft will drop Lestrade without a thought! It will crush the Detective Inspector to be dropped like Mycroft did so often with his toys. Seeing that John wants him to say something he makes a noise hoping that John will take it as an affirmative one.

Keeping his brother and Lestrade apart is harder than Sherlock hypothesized. Threatening not to work the cases Greg provided him wouldn't work, though he often considered it. He would go insane from the boredom or John would kill him for doing experiments on his jumper. Anthea or whatever she preferred to go by on any given day didn't see a problem with her boss conjugating with the Detective Inspector. Mycroft took his concerns as thinly veiled insults and a challenge. And trying to warn off Gavin got him in trouble with John! It leaves him with one last option. Calling Mummy. It's a last resort that he hates that he has to use, but with each failed plan he enacts it just brings them together.

Sherlock dials the number, mentally planning out what he needs to say. Because surely Mummy will get Mycroft to see the light.

"Mummy."

"Sherlock, darling! So glad you called! How are you?"

The consulting detective leans back in his chair letting his Mummy's voice wash over him. Mummy will fix this. She has to. Like his younger years, everything pours out of him. When he finishes Mummy tuts softly.

"Well, I think it's time mummy met this Graham Lestrade your brother is dating. Maybe both of you can come home for dinner! You should bring John!"

"Mummy!"

"I never said as a date. Though if you do want to introduce him as such I won't be angry. I just want you to have someone by your side while I grill your brother."

His Mummy chuckles when he lets out a noise, which is most certainly not a whine.

"Don't worry Sherlock. Mummy will make sure that this Lestrade is good for your brother."

"Thank you, Mummy."

"Don't thank me yet, Sherlock, I could like him after all."

Sherlock doesn't say that he doubts Mycroft will bring Gavin or even show up, which will drive a wedge between the two as Lestrade doesn't want to be a 'dirty secret.'

"Sherlock, where are we going?" John asks as he follows Sherlock. Sherlock grins.

"Keep up John, and you will see."

Today is the day to see if his last plan will work, if it will be the end of the disaster that is Mycroft and Lestrade together. He knocks on the door, waiting impatiently for John to catch up. The blond is looking a bit cross when he finally does.

"Why do you never tell me where we are going?"

"Where is the fun in that, my dear Watson?"

John huffs a laugh and the door is opened.

"Ello son. Glad you could make it. And is this John?"

"Hello, Dad. Of course, this is John. Doctor John Watson."

John sticks out his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you Mister Holmes."

"Call me Timothy, my boy, and do come in! Wanda is waiting for you," Mister Holmes says while he shakes John's hand. Sherlock sweeps past them and through the house to his Mummy's side. She kisses his cheek, before she smacks his arm.

"Why didn't you tell me, Gregory," she too stresses the name like John does, "is a such a gentleman!?"

Sherlock's brain stalls and he blinks at her in confusion. That statement doesn't compute. And then he sees Lestrade in front of the stove wearing his Mummy's pink apron.

"I twinged my back and the sweetheart offered to finish cooking for me!"

As Lestrade's cheeks turn a delicate shade of pink, Sherlock feels his last plan start to crumble. He can tell by the sparkle in her eyes that she already likes the Detective Inspector. After the dinner is over and everyone has finished eating, John and Graham going into the living room with Dad and Mycroft out front for a cigarette, Mummy pulls him aside.

"I know you are worried about your brother and Gregory but I do believe that they are good for each other. Your brother introduced Gregory as his lover Sherlock."

Again he feels his brain stall.

"So let it run its course. If it collapses, be there for them," she tells him gently.

"Of course, Mummy."

"That's my good boy. You and John should come by more often."

Sherlock groans and Mummy laughs. They join the others in the living room, Mummy going to sit by Dad. John looks up and smiles at him. Sherlock smiles back and looks around just in time to see Mycroft step inside the doorway. He sees the way his brother's face softens when he catches sight of his goldfish.

Maybe, just maybe this won't end in disaster… Though watching his brother kiss Lestrade is still gross.