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"I've found something in your pocket"

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Sans was on edge since this morning.


He has been a sweaty, blushing mess each time he laid eyes on you and the exceptionally skimpy dress covering your curves. You justified your clothing choice by blaming the thunderstorm season and the heaviness in the atmosphere. Spending the day cleaning the house left you panting and glistening with sweat, and this wasn't helping Sans keep his head cool in the slightest.


He didn't help with the chores, of course, but instead always managed to find somewhere to sit and watch your every moves with a hungry gaze.


Should he be doing that? Was it wrong? Maybe.


You and him haven't been intimate yet despite the many months of successful dates. Sans knew how humans have sex, hell, his own way to do the do was pretty similar to theirs, but you never made a move and frankly, he was pretty nervous about it himself. Humans had (and were still having) a hard time adjusting to monsters and their magic.


But you never seemed to mind Sans or his friends' monstrous nature. He deemed himself so, so lucky to have you in his life. Always eager to listen to Papyrus talking about his crazy antics, always laughing at Sans' dumb jokes, and being an all around sweetheart. You loved hugging him and smothering his skull with kisses, and who was he to reject that? But in bed, you never did anything more than cuddle, holding him close to your chest where he could fall asleep while listening to the beat of your heart and the hum of your soul.


Maybe you weren't interested in him that way. Sans was aware that skeletons were hard on the human eyes, some of the nastier humans made sure to remind him of that, but somehow you managed to get past that.


Not enough to give yourself fully to him though.


He didn't mind, not a lot anyway, and beggars can't be choosers.


But still, he had needs.


And after watching you move around him all day, he was having a really hard time ignoring them.


"Ugh I need a break!"


You plopped next to him on the couch, interrupting his lustful thoughts.


"You know," you said, turning your head to him, "I was pleasantly surprised when you offered to 'help' me clean the house, but I think you and I have different meanings for the word 'help.'"


"heh what can i say babe? maybe i'm channeling my inner bicycle."


You gave him a puzzled look, waiting for the punch line.


"guess i am two tired."


Sans winked at you.


"Uuuugh! Sans! You are the worst!!"


"yeah, i'm wheelie terrible."


You groaned loudly but smiled as you grabbed a pillow and threw it at his face. He didn't bother to dodge it.


"Sans, help me or go away! You never do anything when I’m trying to do chores!"


"it's a vicious cycle then."


"Oh my god get out!"


He slowly rose from the couch. Pff, you couldn't get mad at him even when you tried. That's cute. You were still laughing when he shuffled into his bedroom and closed the door. He knew that you wouldn't dare venture here during your cleaning frenzy, not unless you wanted to see all your hard work destroyed in a mere two or three days. He was free to tend to himself.


Sans sat on his bed and tugged at his sweatpants to materialize his already-hard dick. He didn't waste any time pulling them down and immediately began to jerk it.
Fuck, he wanted to make you all sweaty and panting too. Naked beneath him in his bed, right where he was now masturbating to thoughts of you.


He would start slow, to ease you into things, stroking your soft skin, telling you how beautiful and sexy you were, before he began to pound into you with his fat cock. Your face would take on a cute blush, you'd close your eyes to focus on the things he would do to you, shaky breaths escaping your parted lips. Please Sans, please please please. "what babe? ya want me to stop?" No, go on please, fuck me harder. "heh, ok babe."
And then he would go harder. You would scream his name in pleasure and grip his ribs, right where he liked it. He would feel how wet and soft and warm you were around him, picturing your core like the inner walls of your mouth. He would kiss you too, of course, deeply, to show you how much he loved you, how he cared about you as he wrecked your cunt until you couldn't remember anything but him.


Oh shit, Sans could feel himself getting close. He increased his already fast pace, sweat beading on his skull. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. If only it was your hand around his shaft, if only it was you who would do that to him, bringing him so close to the edge, he would do anything you wanted, say anything to you as long as you didn't stop, please don't fucking stop i'm so close baby oh stars-



"Hey Sans, are you there?" The doorknob turned to open his door.






Sans did the only thing he could think of. He quickly grabbed a random newspaper on the messy floor while disconnecting the bond between his pelvis and his dick, shoving it in his coat pocket with his other hand.


"Hey, I'm doing some laundry, got anything for me?"


yeah, in my pocket.


"socks or a kiss babe, your pick."


Sans could feel his still hard cock pressing on whatever crap he had in his pocket. Ugh.


"Wow, can I get greedy and ask for both?"


"why not ask for more?"


You rolled your eyes and stepped into his room, avoiding the mess. Sans tried to keep his best poker face on as you kissed him. Fuck your lips were so soft...


"You okay there?"




"Yeah, you are sweating... Take off your coat, Sans! It's like ninety degrees out there!"


nuh-uh, no way I'm taking it off.


"skeletons can't feel hot, babe. not because of the weather anyway."


He wiggled his brow bones at you. You giggled. Of course you did, why would you do anything else? Try again Sans.


You paced around the room, picking up any socks you could see. Sans directed his gaze toward the newspaper he grabbed earlier to fake being busy with not yanking it hard. Huh. It was some random article about electron configuration. It was wrong. And upside down.


"Hey Sans." He turned his head toward you to see the thoughtful look on your face.


"hmm? what?"


"I think we might be out of detergent, can you go get some please?"


Sans sighed. His dick was still in his pocket. He needed to put it back into place before going anywhere.


"sure babe, lemme just.. uh... use the bathroom."


You burst out laughing.


"Hahaha what? No! You told me yourself skeletons don't need to go to the bathroom!" Sans could feel a cold bead of sweat rolling down his skull. Shit. He just needed some privacy, dammit!
"Sorry lazy butt, but you won't get out of this!"


On those words you grabbed his hand and dragged him all the way to the front door, before shoving him outside.


"See this as your share of the chores!"


You pressed a sweet kiss on his teeth, him looking dumbfounded, unable to move.


"See you later babe!" You winked and closed the door on him.




He was really doing this, huh?


Sans groaned. So much for wanting privacy. He surely couldn't take out his cock and stick it back in the middle of the street. He'll have to wait. Good thing the whole trip would take less than fifteen minutes.


Sans began his walk towards the grocery store, avoiding the puddles on the sidewalk. No shortcuts today, he needed this stroll to calm down. His estranged member was slowly reverting to its limp state.


He took out his phone to text you along the way. Sans had to take his hands out of his pockets. Touching himself in the middle of the street, even if it wasn't in a sexual way, was wildly inappropriate.


welp, that surely happened. i'll be sure to be more vigilant next time...







You were sorting out the dirty laundry next to the washer when your phone went off. You took it out of your pocket. It was a text from Sans.



Sans 02:06 PM
knock knock



Pfff, seriously? You rolled your eyes.



Omg already?


Who's there?




Sans 02:07 PM




Don't you have an off switch?


Wanda who?




Sans 02:07 PM
wanda snack as well?


and no i only have an on switch for you babe




Haha no thanks I'm good!


You tease!




You frowned despite your cheerful text. You didn't like when Sans teased you that way.


You wouldn't trade your boyfriend for anything in the world. Sans was sweet, caring, cute as heck, incredibly funny, super-duper smart (borderline genius, like wow! You couldn't keep up with him anytime he would talk about quantum physics, or anything remotely scientific) and an all around dreamboat.


The whole package. Well, nearly. Despite all your months together you and him haven't been intimate.


In bed he would only cuddle, holding you close to his smooth bones. At the beginning of your relationship you often thought about how you two would do the do, but never mustered the courage to talk to him about it. And when you saw him naked for the first time, in the shower, you saw... Nothing.


What did you expect, he's a skeleton for fucks sake!


Maybe he didn't need sex. Maybe it disgusted him. Maybe you disgusted him. He never touched you inappropriately, only teased you from time to time, and you could only wonder why. Why would he do that, if sex wasn't a necessity to him? Perhaps he felt sorry for you and your needs. If that was the case he could always help you down there, unless the whole thing was utterly repulsive to him.


But, and the thought only made your heart ache, maybe he felt sorry for not being able to satisfy you, and was trying to do the best he could. You knew Sans was self-conscious at times, and you always tried to watch your words and actions to not hurt his feelings. That's why you couldn't barge in and say "Hey darling, I'm horny, fingerfuck me please." Even if you really wanted to say it sometimes.


So you sat on your libido and quenched your appetite with your fingers and toys. Maybe one day you'll be brave enough (or desperate enough) to try and sort this out with him. But for now things were pretty okay. You were happy, Sans seemed happy and that's what mattered the most to you.




Hey babe! I've got one for you!


Knock knock




Sans 02:09 PM
oh nice


who's there








Sans 02:10 PM
harry who




Harry up and get back here : D!




Sans 02:11 PM
lol 'k babe, im at the store anyway




Wow, a comma? You stood up to get a drink from the kitchen, feeling quite privileged. Things were nice. Life was good.
Everything was going to be okay.








Was lemon scented detergent going to be okay for you? Maybe you liked the lavender one better? And what was that? Chocolate chip cookie scented laundry detergent?


Sans was confused. Human's sense of smell seemed to be damaged beyond repair. You would always complain about your body odor, which Sans loved, because it was you, and then washed your "nasty funk" with that horrid chemical cocktail you called body wash.


That made him think that your current one was vanilla scented. Sans ran his gaze through the aisle, looking for... ah, there it was. Vanilla scented detergent. That'll do. He grabbed the bottle and walked to the checkout.


After paying for the cleaner and a bottle of ketchup for himself Sans stepped outside. The sky was grey, but no signs of imminent rain. He loved the changing weather. Made him realise he was up there. On the surface. He loved the wind, the sun, the rain, he even had a newfound love for snow.
If someone would have told him, a few years earlier, that he one day would see the surface and experience love, with a human on top of that, he would have laughed it off and claimed that this was the best joke he ever heard.


But this was real. You, the trees, the clouds above him, all of this was real.



As well as the cars.



One just drove past at full speed through a puddle besides him, drenching his coat with brown water.


oh, fucking great.


Welp. That deserved some ketchup.


Sans unclasped the lid and took a big gulp. The walk home was going to be uncomfortable with a smelly drenched coat, but ketchup will help.


* sip *


Oh yeah, that's the stuff. It may be gross, but hey, he wasn't one for high standards anyway.
But somehow he has managed to steal your heart. Gosh, it was like all of his life, luck had been focusing on you.


* sip *


Hmmm, salty, thick and tomato-y. Sans could already feel a slight tingle reaching his fingertips. His grip on the bottle of detergent tightened.


* sip *


Ah, half empty already. Damn guilty pleasure. Well, no need to save some for later, he was nearly home anyway. Bottoms up!


* gulp *


There, gone. Too bad so sad. Sans managed to throw the empty glass bottle in a nearby trashcan, despite his slight dizziness. No surprise here, he was a master dunker after all. Ask the kid.


Oh fuck no. Nonono, don't think about that. It's okay. It's gone. The kid said so themself. They can't do it anymore. It's okay, it's okay...



Fuck it.



Sans groaned. His old fears were resilient. It has been years since they all came up here. Longer than ever, by a long shot. And yet... The dread never really faded. It was there, lurking in the back of his skull. He knew he wasn't being rational. All signs were showing that it was the end of it. Even his old reports explicitly said that there was no anomaly in the timespace continuum. Like it never existed, like all of his nightmares had been just that.... a nightmare. Maybe that's what bugged him. That all of those night terrors and panic attacks were all for nothing. Technically speaking they were. They never really existed.


There went his happy mood. Sans rounded the corner to his street. He felt down. So down. And didn't want you to worry about that. About him. He shouldn't be like that. He had to put on his best poker face, and go mop somewhere else. Somewhere he could easily forget his problems. Where he had some friends to ketchup with.







You were drinking a glass of iced tea when you heard two distinct knocks on the door. Smiling, you got up and walked to the front door. No need to ask who was there.
Well, in fact, you did.


"Who's here"?




"Amy who?"


"amy stew, babe."


Awww, what a sweetheart. You opened the door to be greeted by a big bottle of vanilla scented detergent, held up by a smiling skeleton. A smiling, drenched, dirty skeleton.


"Uh, what? What happened? Did somebody gave you trouble?" You frowned. It wouldn't be the first time that Sans had been bullied around. You took the bottle of detergent and Sans walked inside.


"nah, just a car playing with a puddle. 'm good." he said with a drawling voice.


He leaned in and closed his eye sockets, waiting for you to kiss him. You just couldn't refuse.


* smooch *


Ugh, you could smell the ketchup in his breath.


"Okay, good. Mind giving me your coat then? It needs a good wash anyway." It always had.


With a shrug Sans took it off. It was damp and heavy.


" i won't stay babe, i'm off to Grillbys. i think the heat is making me thirsty." He pinched your ass, making you yelp and blush furiously. He was quite daring when tipsy.


"just don't get too bone-ly without me." He winked at you, and bleeped away.



Welcome back, frustration.



Still embarrassed, you reminded yourself to go get him if he wasn't back in a few hours. Sans was not by all mean a boozer, he simply liked the company of other patrons, and time flies fast while laughing around a drink or two. Maybe you could join him when you’re done? Grillbys was a good ten minutes drive away, and you still had some spare energy from your cleaning spree.


You went back to the laundry room with the dirty jacket and the bottle of detergent. You squatted down in front of the washing machine and began to sort the huge pile of dirty laundry.


Your shirts? Cotton, you'll need those if the heat doesn’t come down in the near future. As well as your bras and panties. Papyrus' jean minishorts? He loves those, let's put them there too. Sans' socks? Oh yes please, clean the bastards. Your pj's? Nah, it's too hot. Plus, sleeping naked might trigger something with your boyfriend... You were not too hopeful, but you were determined to try everything in your power before any head-on confrontation.


The machine was nearly full, it had just enough place left for Sans' jacket. You grabbed it and felt how heavy it was. The pockets were jingling with whatever was inside them. You unzipped one and shove your hand in it. Blindly grabbing at what you could reach you took out some loose coins, a very outdated coupon for free Temmie Flakes, empty ketchup sachets (ugh), crumpled pieces of paper with math formulas on them, a dry pen, a small bone... Where these pockets freaking bottomless? And it was only the first one!


You were reaching for the last item when your fingertips brushed something. It felt like... a sausage? Did Sans keep hotdogs in his pockets? Gross, man, ew!


As your fingers grabbed the thing you could feel a faint tingle traveling up your hand to your arm. Uh, weird. You could have sworn the sausage twitched as you touched it. You took your hand out of the pocket and...












What was that?



That. What? In your hand. Was it...





You were SO confused. In your palm was... a dildo? It was bright blue and... it glowed? What the hell? What was that? Why was Sans keeping it in his pocket? You examined it more closely. It... looked like a dildo, but with no balls. The shaft was somewhat short but thick, and slick like glass, with a lot of details, like veins and a little bit of foreskin. It was also limp. Strange for a dildo.


Seriously, what was this doing here? Was it some weird prop for one of his pranks? Was Sans playing a joke on you? You glanced around, certain to find him smirking at your confusion behind you.








Your attention went back to the weird thing in your hand.
You squeezed it. So weird. You could feel the "skin" running up and down the length, like a real penis would do.



It throbbed in your hand.





Okay, no. That fucking thing moved, you saw it. You were too stunned to throw it on the wall. It acted like... a real dick? Was it... was it real? WAS IT HIS?


You quickly took out your phone and snapped a picture before sending it to Sans.






Hey I've found something in your pocket, care to explain?


(1 picture attached)




Something in the other pocket vibrated. His phone. He forgot his freaking phone.


Fucking great. What were you going to do?







In the house.



With a surprise penis in your hand.









Was it a good idea? It was certainly an idea. But... should you? Your sexual frustration was at an all time-high for months, and just knowing that your boyfriend has been holding out on you filled you with... mischievousness. Seeing that cock in your hand stirred your desires even more.


But shoving anything you'd find up your pussy wasn't reasonably a clean and healthy choice. Then again... Wasn't it Alphys that told you that humans couldn't contract monster diseases, and vice versa?


The glow and the tingle in your hand were a proof of the magical nature of what you were holding. You gave it a few slow pumps out of curiosity. As soon as you were done the glow intensified, and it throbbed again. It was also a bit harder.


Okay, you were fucking horny now.


His or not, what you were holding was a promise of a good time you didn't want to miss out on. You just needed to clean it first.


You quickly turned on the washing machine and walked to the bathroom, a small smile on your lips.