“She’s going to kill me!” she yelled, pacing at a frenetic speed, arms waving erratically.
“Maggie, I think you’re being overly dramatic.” Bianca told her while trying to keep her eyes focused on the blur that was her best friend.
“No, she’s going to annihilate me! When she’s done with me you won’t even remember that I existed!” she threw her arms out in emphasis.
“Now you’re being a drama queen.” She said, trying to be the voice of reason.
“She’s got the power, I’ve seen her do it. Remember what’s his name?!” her voice was nearing pitches that only dogs could hear.
“No, I don’t. You see my point? You’re grasping at straws. You need to relax, maybe some warm tea? Or a horse tranquilizer?” she added under her breath.
“No no no, that’s MY point. I don’t remember his name and you don’t remember him at ALL! She wiped him off the face of the planet, POOF!” she made a motion like something disappearing into thin air.
“What am I going to do with you.” She mumbled, shaking her head.
“I have to run, hide, the mountains, the jungle, I’ll be in Timbuktu if you need me!” she ran between the counter and the window, not finding any of those place in their apartment.
“Wait, crap now you know where I’m going. She’ll torture it out of you. Gotta find another place” she muttered to herself.
“Now you’re being irrational.” Bianca almost snorted.
“Me?! Irrational?! Have you met your mother?! If there was a country called irrational she would be it’s High Duchess of the Absurd!!” she all but screeched.
Maggie’s head turned towards the door, nearly dislodging itself from her neck in the process.
“Bianca, darling are you home?”
Maggie’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and rolled to the door.
“Oh God, gotta hide, gotta hide! There’s nowhere to hide in this shoebox! She said in a loud whisper as she pulled up sofa cushions and looked in the fish bowl.
“The fire escape!” she said running to the window.
“Maggie we don’t have a fire escape” Bianca kindly informed her, rubbing the throbbing vein in her forehead.
“I’ll scale the wall! Just call me Spiderman…girl….woman…whatever!” she half yelled half whispered flailing her arms.
“Maggie, please just calm down.”
“This is me calm in the face of the Terminatress!” she almost growled.
“Oh God there’s no hope.” She hung her head and sighed. “Maggie my mother loves you, she’s not going to do anything, I promise.”
“Oh yea, she loves me now! When she finds out we’re…you know.” She gestured between them and wiggled her eyebrows “She’ll be all ‘What are your intentions towards my daughter’ or ‘If you hurt her I’ll hunt you down stuff you in a trunk and ship you off to Siberia. Bianca, I don’t speak Russian and I get cold easy.” She almost whimpered.
“Yipe!” she jumped.
“Bianca, honey, is everything okay in there?”
“What?” Bianca asked, afraid of the answer.
“I’ll hide in your luggage! I’m tiny I can fit! She’ll never think to look in there!”
“Good idea, it’ll save her the expense of having to buy that trunk to stuff you in.” Bianca said brightly.
“Bianca I can hear you, will you please open the door?” Erica all but huffed.
“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhggggggggg, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I don’t wanna die, I haven’t joined the mile high club yet!”
“Well just think, when we bury you we can fit you in a matchbox.” Bianca laughed. All reason was out the window at this point.
“If I live you’ll pay for that.” She pointed emphatically at Bianca.
“I’ll be in your luggage if you need me!” she squeaked.
She turned tail and ran, searching frantically for Bianca’s bags. The last thing Bianca saw before opening the door was blond hair and a very expensive piece of luggage entering the hall closet.
“Damnit Maggie, you just came out of there.”
She turned and opened the door allowing her mother to enter the apartment.
“Bianca sweetheart, what’s going on in here. I heard a commotion and a door slamming, is everything alright?”
“Yes mom, everything is good. That was just Maggie, she’s having some…” Bianca thought for a second “life issues, or in her mind, lack of life issues.”
Erica stood there with a puzzled look on her face.
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“She’s…afraid. She thinks you’re going to ship her off to some frozen place as punishment.”
“Punishment for what? Has she done something to hurt you? Because if she has I swear I’ll…”
Bianca held up a hand to stop her mother from proving Maggie right.
“I’m fine, she hasn’t hurt me, in fact she’s made me very happy.” She smiled radiantly at her mother.
“Oh…OOOOOH” she nodded “So you and Maggie….” She trailed off waiting for Bianca to finish the sentence.
“We’re seeing each other, as more than friends, yes.” She felt a blush creep up her neck.
“Well darling that’s….are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, Maggie was straight not that long ago.” She asked keeping her voice low and even.
‘And here it comes’ Bianca thought to herself.
“Mom, I know that Maggie and I have had our share of problems, but she loves me, and I love her, and right now that’s all that matters.”
“Okay sweetheart.” She said rubbing Bianca’s arm.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” she questioned, more than just a little floored.
“You’re an adult, I trust your judgment. And you know I love Maggie like she were one of my own.”
“Really?” she raise and eyebrow.
“Really. Now where is Maggie?”
Just then there was a loud crash and a muffled grunt followed by a few garbled curse words.
“I’ll take care of this.” Erica told her, walking towards the closet.
She opened the door to find one Maggie Stone propped between the wall and a hideous portrait of a woman with three eyes. She had one leg in a suitcase and was attempting to get her right arm in, a look of sheer terror etched on her face.
“Mary Margaret Stone what in the world are you doing?” Erica was trying not to laugh at the poor girl.
“Umm….I’m sorry” she said in a bad Irish accent “but there’s no Mary Margaret Stone in here, please try the next closet down.”
And with that Maggie grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut, leaving a stunned and amused Erica on the other side. Bianca had her face buried in a pillow, her shoulders wracked with uncontrollable laughter. Erica opened the door to find that Maggie had managed to get almost her entire body in the suitcase, only her head and left shoulder still visible.
“Maggie, dear, when you have a chance you could please join us in the living room?”
Erica closed the door and walked away, her head bowed, clearly laughing along with Bianca.
“Shyte” was heard coming from the closet.
“She was still trying to get into my luggage wasn’t she?” Bianca laughed.
“Yes, and she was almost in.” Erica nearly snickered.
The closet door opened and Maggie hesitantly stepped out, trying to gauge the situation. Bianca and Erica just stared at her with a blank expression.
“Shyte” she mumbled to herself.
“Maggie please have a seat.” She motioned to the sofa.
‘I should’ve scaled the wall, Spiderman can do it, it can’t be that hard’ she thought to herself.
She sat, Erica and Bianca flanking her. She was trapped like the proverbial rat. Erica turned to her, her hands clasped in her lap and shaking her head.
‘Here it comes’ she thought.
“Maggie dear, Bianca has told me that you’re worried that I may…send you away?”
“Sweetheart, I’m happy that you and Bianca are seeing each other. You’ve always taken such good care of each other.” She smiled trying to reassure the little blonde.
Maggie was dumbfounded. She opened her mouth to say something, but her grasp of the English language suddenly eluded her.
“Really, I couldn’t think of anyone better for her, nor for you. I consider you part of the family, and I hope one day you think of all of us as you’re family.” Erica smiled warmly at her.
“This is so not how I pictured this conversation going.”
“So I gathered.” She reached out to pat Maggie’s hand.
“I saw pots and pans flying at my head. I hate to think where poor Ralph would’ve ended up.” She gestured towards the fish bowl and the little orange fish swimming happily inside.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me…unless you do something to harm my family.” She gave Maggie a stern look.
“NO!” she quickly assured her.
“Okay then. I don’t believe there’s anything more to discuss.” Erica got up and headed for the door.
“That’s it?” Bianca and Maggie asked in unison.
“Were you expecting the High Duchess of the Absurd to make an appearance?” Erica asked with a serious expression.
All the blood drained from Maggie’s face, and she felt her breakfast trying to make an encore performance.
“High Duchess, Maggie? No no” She raised a well manicured finger “I would be their Queen.” She said with a patented Erica Kane hair flip and a 1000 watt smile.
Maggie stood there slack jawed, while Bianca looked on filled with a sense of pride.
“Don’t look so astounded Maggie, I’m full of surprises.” She winked and exited, closing the door gently behind her.
“I think I love your mother.” Maggie told her.
Bianca just laughed, wrapping an arm around Maggie’s shoulders. She closed her eyes for a second and thanked whoever was out there for letting her have her happily ever after.