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BatJokes Advent Calendar 2016

Chapter Text

Bruce had to admit to himself that he should’ve let Joker Christmas gram him sooner. It’s been so nice to see Joker every day at work, not to mention that Bruce has felt like his relationship with Joker has really gotten a breath of fresh air recently. The billionaire absentmindedly doodled on a scrap of paper when there was a sudden knock on the door. Bruce shoved the rough sketch of Joker riding a one horse open sleigh beneath a bunch of important and official-looking documents as he smoothed back his already-perfect hair. After he’d cleared his throat, the billionaire called out, “Come in.”


Bruce’s office door flew open as Joker casually sauntered in, his Santa suit coat far more like a trench coat this time. The coat was long enough to obscure Joker’s shoes, and the clown was lacking the fake silver beard he’d been wearing at all of the past Christmas grams he’d delivered. Bruce raised one skeptical eyebrow as he looked his boyfriend up and down. “What’s with the sudden outfit change?”


Joker barked out a laugh as he slid up onto Bruce’s desk and nearly into the billionaire’s lap. The clown gazed down at his lover, bright green eyes darkening. “Oh, Brucie, Brucie, Brucie, baby! If I told you, that would spoil the surprise.” The Joker wiggled his fingers as he reached into a coat pocket. After a while of fishing around for something, Joker tugged a battered old iPod out with a triumphant grunt. Bruce was becoming even more perplexed the longer this was going on. Joker scrolled through his iPod as he plugged it into Bruce’s computer without even asking.


The billionaire glanced warily up at the clown, his confusion quite clear on his face. Even so, Bruce stayed silent, trusting Joker to not download any illegal files onto his work computer. Joker continued on with his preparations, humming obnoxiously as he checked to make sure that Bruce’s computer’s speakers were at full blast. Finally, the clown pulled up a song and began playing it through the speakers. Bruce couldn’t read the name of the song, seeing as the file name was simply a string of letters and numbers, but the billionaire could tell just what song it was a few seconds in. Bruce could feel his face heating up as he sank into his chair. He fervently prayed that no one could hear the music past his office.


The song continued on as Joker began to sing along. “Santa, baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me…” As the clown sang, he hooked his fingers around the collar of his Santa coat, suggestively sliding it open. Bruce was horrified (and kind of turned-on, if he had to tell the truth) to find that Joker was wearing an almost completely see-through chiffon dress beneath the coat, and not much else. Bruce could also quite clearly see Joker’s festive Santa thong, and in his near hysteria, Bruce had to wonder why someone would even make a thong that small. Calling the thong a “strip of cloth” was implying that it was bigger than it really was. Joker began to laugh at Bruce’s reaction but continued to sing on, slowly sliding off of Bruce’s desk and into his lap.


“But… I-I have an appointment with some people later—“ Bruce squeaked, and his face turned even redder out of embarrassment.


Joker chuckled, wrapping his arms around Bruce’s neck as he grinded down onto Bruce’s lap. The clown leaned into Bruce’s chest, whispering huskily into his ear, “Brucie, I think you’ve got some paperwork you’ve got to worry about before you even think about that meeting.” Joker proceeded to lick and nip his way over to Bruce’s mouth.


The billionaire placed one hand on Joker’s lower back, almost instinctively, as he groaned under the clown’s ministrations. Joker was right. This “paperwork” was a far more pressing matter right now.