Would you mind if I hurt you?
Understand that I need to
Wish that I had other choices
than to harm the one I love
What have you done now?!
Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to?
Cause you have turned into my worst enemy
You carry hate that I don't feel
I won't show mercy on you now
I know, should stop believing
I know, there's no retrieving
It's over now
What have you done?
I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
Why, why does fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us, between me and you
“Patty! Oh, thank God you’re back! Please help me, the-there’s someone in the house… He’s trying to kill me!” Ellen panted, her big expressive eyes full of fear.
“I’m sorry, Ellen, but I can’t. You’re on your own.” Patty disregarded the younger woman’s consternation calmly, maintaining her typical, frozen facade.
“What? Bu-but I’m your little girl. You said so. You-you were supposed to protect me!” the brunette stuttered with her jaw clenched and her cheeks wet with tears, just like a little girl.
Patty’s lips morphed into a devilish grin as her face began to fade away, becoming more and more blurry…
Ellen jolted awake by a piercing scream, only to realize that it was actually coming out of her mouth. Her clammy skin glistened under the lamp’s dim light as she reached over the nightstand for the bottle of water, trying to catch her breath.
She was simmering with anger. She hated this new habit of snapping awake in the middle of the night, she hated herself for being so stupid in the past, for falling prey to a bunch of lies, a fake kindness that had nearly killed her - literally. Above everything else, of course, she hated Patty.
From the very moment she had set eyes on that woman, she knew she was going to be trouble, and that she herself was destined for a hell of a downfall. Clearly, Ellen wasn’t over the whole thing. Almost two years had passed and it was lying there, stagnant, gnawing at her like acid. Getting Patty to confess was quite the achievement, but in the course of time she had deduced that it meant nothing to her. She wanted to wound her former boss in the worst way possible. She still craved for vengeance. More pain, more tears in Patty’s eyes to help her find some peace within herself.
It didn’t take her a lot of time to come up with something. The older woman had been acting weird since that day she had sent her the three-thousand-dollar Chanel. Her ulterior motive was pretty obvious to the brunette; dinner invitations, furtive looks, knowing smiles, pats on the shoulder which subsequently turned into gentle brushes of fingers against the nape of her neck.
Ellen chortled and fell back on her bed, having it all mapped out. Patty wasn’t the only one who excelled at manipulating others. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to tantalize her a little bit and crack her ego. Confident that everything was going to turn out just fine, she rolled over and drifted off.
With the same unyielding determination, Ellen chugged two bottles of wine the next evening and set out for the older woman’s place, the alcohol altering the neurotransmitters in her brain and extinguishing every compassionate thought pertaining to Patty in its path.
The clock read 20:30 and Patty was still in her office clothes, sipping bourbon and skimming through an endless amount of files, while smooth jazz music was playing in the background. She was about to rustle up something when her cell buzzed, displaying Ellen’s number. The blonde immediately brightened up, scolding herself for acting like a silly teenage girl as she tapped the screen.
“I’m downstairs. I need to talk to you. Tell Perry to let me in.”
Before she could speak a single word, the other woman had already hung up.
“Are you drunk?” was the first sentence that a dumbfounded Patty came out with the moment she faced the brunette.
“Maybe.” Ellen answered quickly and headed straight for the living room without waiting for the blonde to invite her in.
She did a lousy job of covering her staggering while thanking the universe for her right choice of shoes. Sure ankle boots were much more helpful in supporting her wasted ass, compared to 5 inch pumps.
“Is everything ok? You look tired.” Patty asked caringly when they both settled down.
“I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I had a nightmare… about the attack.”
In the awkward pause that followed, Ellen sensed the older woman tensing up next to her. “You were in it.” she continued and then turned to look at Patty, who simply gritted her teeth in response, incapable of forming any kind of phrase, let alone a coherent one.
“How could you do this to me?” she hissed and gave her a death stare, which was amplified by her not blinking for a good thirty seconds, as if she was silently accusing her. Meanwhile, Patty’s expression remained unreadable.
“Ellen… we’ve already discussed this. I can’t erase the past.” the blonde finally brought herself to say, failing to keep cool. Guilt was written all over her face.
“No. However, there is something you can do for me…” the younger woman slightly slurred her words and smirked as Patty frowned, completely flustered.
“And what is that?” that latter inquired apprehensively while holding her breath.
Without so much as a warning, Ellen pounced on Patty and kissed her eagerly, tasting the bourbon once their tongues intertwined. It lasted all of five seconds but it was passionate, or perhaps rushed, in a sense. Even though Patty was by no means prepared for this turn of events, she managed to savor this first kiss, which she interpreted as a cry for affection on Ellen’s part. If only she knew…
“What is it that you truly want from me, Ellen? Tell me, do you ache for my touch? Do I make you nervous?” she whispered seductively as she kept scooting closer and closer, until they were both breathing in the air the other had breathed out seconds before. The atmosphere was getting sultry and the oxygen somehow felt insufficient. Seeing the gleam in Patty’s blue eyes, Ellen considered her plan and found herself wavering. She had held her at gunpoint and made her divulge the truth. Was a second punishment necessary? And why was her heart beating so fast all of a sudden? It wasn’t like she had grown fond of her opportunistic mentor.
The brunette shook off all these thoughts and let out a derisive chuckle, mostly to convince herself that Patty falling for a woman half her age was the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“Don’t flatter yourself, Patty.”
She then leant in for another kiss to silence any tart remarks she assumed were to come. This time, it was slower and borderline tender. She even cupped the blonde’s face with one hand, inadvertently so, or so she told herself. It was intoxicatingly and regrettably sweet, so much that she feared it was clouding her judgment again. She couldn’t let things go down the drain now, after having schemed her revenge so meticulously. She had to appear and be insensitive. Patty was going to pay for every single tear she had caused her to shed, and if that meant more distress for the brunette, so be it.
When Ellen opened her eyes at last and noticed the fluttering of Patty’s eyelids and the parting of her lips in the absence of hers, she knew the timing was perfect. She had Patty exactly where she wanted her, vulnerable and wide open for her. She was the one who had the upper hand now. She had the chance to hit her where it hurt the most and at the mere thought of that, her blood boiled in excitement.
Her hands wrapped around Patty’s waist as she pecked the blonde, catching her off-guard. She kissed her way to her exposed neck and inhaled the delicate smell of her perfume, all the while sucking the warm skin there and squeezing the woman’s supple breasts. She was enjoying this more than she had planned, so she saw fit to toughen up a bit.
“What are you doing?” Patty gulped when she perceived that Ellen was unbuttoning her shirt.
“I’m not sure that’s a g-“
“Shut your mouth, goddammit!” the brunette exclaimed authoritatively before gripping her neck and burying her teeth in it. Patty sighed softly as Ellen kept undoing the buttons carelessly with her right hand. In return, the blonde slid her palms between them to massage the younger woman’s breasts. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. It was what she was hoping to lure Ellen into. It didn’t have to occur precisely the way she had pictured it.
“Uh uh, no talking, no touching.” she ordered and snatched Patty’s wrists off her own blouse. Then she pinned her hands to the sofa and held them down as she straddled her with a swift move. Ellen pressed her lips roughly on the older woman’s tight ones and felt her twitch underneath her when she forced her tongue into her mouth.
Ably enough, she flipped her over and nibbled her neck, hearing the other woman’s ragged breathing as it dashed against the couch cushion. Raking Patty’s thighs, Ellen hiked up the woman’s skirt a little too violently and directly yanked her black lace panties aside.
Patty was cut off by the abrupt push of two cold fingers inside her. The loud moan that ensued echoed in Ellen’s head, making her all the more vengeful.
“Who owns who now, bitch?” her ex-employee breathed into her ear, pinching a nipple over the bra with her free hand.
Patty shuddered at the detached tone. There was no emotion, no mercy and she was sincerely and absolutely terrified. The instant Ellen shoved a third finger, the blonde, now wide-eyed, clung to whatever was handy at that moment - a throw pillow in this case - and muffled her sniffs in it, letting the hot tears soak its fabric.
Ellen’s thrusts were becoming faster by the minute until they were downright relentless. Patty was groaning and gasping heavily, her throat dry and her chest burning from the effort. She could feel the veins on her temples pulsating as the brunette pushed forward, over and over again.
“I’m sorry, ok? I’m deeply sorry! Is that what you wanted to hear?” she blurted out in between sobs and, shortly, came with a whimper. Ellen pulled her fingers out slowly and rubbed Patty’s clit a couple of times before standing up to look down on the mess she had made.
The formidable Patty Hewes was lying face down in a disheveled appearance, all used up and covered in sweat and red scratch marks.
Resting her weight on her elbows, the older woman sat up with difficulty, grunting as she did so. Her lower lip was trembling uncontrollably and her muscles felt sore. There was no doubt it would take her at least a week to get rid of the kinks.
”Are you satisfied? Was my punishment enough?” she spoke in a strained voice.
“Nothing will ever be enough, Patty.” the brunette retorted.
“Then why on earth did you do this?”
Ellen didn’t reply. Instead, she picked up her stuff and made for the exit.
“You don’t have to go.” Patty cried out, unable to understand where that implicit plea had come from. Was she indeed that desperate? Yes, she had lusted after her protégée for a long time and, on occasion, she got a kick out of rough sex but she wouldn’t describe this one as intense. Technically, it was abusive. That girl was not her Ellen.
“Alright, then. I’ll stay and we can kiss and hug and be all lovey-dovey. How does this sound, huh?” the younger woman snickered.
Patty averted her gaze. The lines on her face were more visible under the smudged mascara and foundation as she started choking up once more. How dare she mock her in this way? Then again, she deserved it. As humiliating as it was, it served her right.
“What, you think we can be a happy couple after everything you’ve put me through? You believe that I have feelings for you? That poor innocent Ellen will get down on her knees and beg you to give her some love? If you do, you’re utterly delusional. You were nothing more than a fuck, Patty. A good one, I must admit. But still, just a fuck.” she said harshly, enunciating each word.
“Get out of my house. I don’t ever want to see you again.” the blonde croaked, her voice quivering.
“Same here.” Ellen lied. “Oh, I have one last question, though; how can you live with yourself?”
“Get lost!” Patty shrilled, her fists clenched so firmly that the knuckles had turned white.
Ellen banged the door behind her and lurched to her car, mustering whatever level of concentration was feasible in her state to – magically - drive back home. She unconsciously wore a gloating smile all the way to her apartment door, but when she sank into her newly-purchased couch, bathed and into her comfy clothes, she got an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, which led her to push the salad she was having for dinner away. In spite of having just taken a shower, she felt dirty. Empty. Truth be told, she had never felt emptier inside.
The brunette pondered over what had transpired previously and that was when it dawned on her. Was the sex even consensual? Now that she was in the comfort of her own home, sober and in the right frame of mind, it didn’t really seem like it. Going there drunk was a huge mistake, to say the least. She didn’t mean to harm Patty this way, she purely wanted to tease her by not allowing her to reciprocate the pleasure. Apparently, she had crossed the line. She was outright disgusted by her deed. Ellen had hit rock bottom and, sadly, there was no going back. The real question was how she could live with herself. How the fuck would she ever compensate for losing control?
That chilly fall night, both women cried themselves to sleep.