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*** CAUTION *** CAUTION *** CAUTION *** KARA LENA ANGST *** CAUTION *** CAUTION *** CAUTION ***

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This notice is to announce my intent to use this story as a single place from which to post my Supercorp angst. As such there will be chapters posted before each new story with the assorted triggers that will be titled accordingly. It is my intent to post another 2 angsty stories in the near future so be advised. The story tags will be changed as needed and archive warnings will no longer apply in addition this story is being upgraded in classification and will be moderated and depending on said comments may become user only.

Kindly
MMJohns

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THIS PAGE HAS BEEN POSTED TO GIVE YOU A LAST CHANCE TO CONSIDER IF YOU REALLY WANT TO READ THIS STORY,

THIS IS UTTER ANGST EVEN FOR WHAT I`VE EVER WRITTEN

CONSIDER YOUR TRIGGERS CAREFULLY.

Includes loss, torture, alcoholism, loss of will to live, loss of family, loss of person, psychological damage, loss of self, self loathing, and possibly several others

TO ANY CLEXA FANS I DID A J.ROTH, I`M SORRY, BUT IT HAD TO BE WITTEN.

I WILL BE ATTEMPTING TO POST A HAPPIER VERSION OF THIS BUT NO PROMISES.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SERIOUSLY I AM TELLING YOU, BE SURE YOU WANT TO READ THIS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Have you ever met someone where everything else around you just fell away?

 

Where everything else seemed to pale in comparison to time spent with them?

 

On Krypton when people first meet their future mates it is like this everything just falls away as if irrelevant. Kara had never expected to meet her mate. She was the last of her kind, the last daughter of Krypton. Her mate indubitably perished in the same great cataclysm as her home world.

Yet here she stands in L-corp no less, face to face with Lena Luthor, and all she can focus on is the woman before her.

Not the crazy alien trying to start a war and assassinate the President.

Not her sister who is chirping in her ear about an emergency downtown.

Not even her cousin Kal who stands beside her.

No all she can focus on is the stunningly beautiful raven haired ruby-lipped goddess in front of her who’s family just so happens to be in a blood feud with her own (not that they know that)

 

 

And so, for the next few weeks, many of the cities criminals got a free pass as Kara spent her days thinking about Lena. When she had mentioned it to Alex all Alex had been able to say was "but she`s a Luthor."

No matter how much she might try to explain it to her sister Alex was never able to understand why Kara was so fixed on Lena. After all, she was from Earth; she had never truly understood this part of Kara`s Kryptonian heritage

 

The day Kara came home crying because she had seen Lena out with another woman Alex despite her sisterly instincts crying out was relieved. If this meant that Kara could move on and away from Lena Luthor, she didn’t have to worry as much anymore. Instead, she was forced to watch as Kara closed herself off. She watched as the fire that had made Kara; Kara slowly died, sure she was good at hiding it, she managed to fool most everyone around her. James, Winn, even Hank had no idea what was happening as to them Kara, just seemed like well Kara.

But Alex she could see her sister slowly dying inside as her heart tore itself apart. The hope she had slowly dying. She wanted to kill Lena Luthor, but she knew the only thing keeping Kara even remotely functioning was being able to fly past or call into Lena`s office every other day and see the CEO working and safe.

 

She tried to help she truly did; she tried being a shoulder for Kara to cry on. She tried to encourage her to move on taking her to clubs and the alien bar, trying to find Kara a way back to the bubbly young woman she once was. Instead she was forced to watch as her sister retreated further.

 

Eventually, she could take it no more and spoke to J`onn about it. She had been hoping as the last of the green Martians he might understand what was happening and be able to help Kara. Instead, she learned how there was nothing they could do. J`onn had met the Kryptonians before the great cataclysm, and he had heard stories of those who lost their mates, and that was when they weren’t the last of their kind.

Those stories gave Alex nightmares for weeks.

 

She even briefly entertained the notion of going to Lena about all of this, telling her what was happening, but then she thought better. She had seen the fury Kara had when she told one of the boys in the sixth grade that Kara liked him, and she knew the fury Kara would feel at her for talking to Lena would be like comparing a flashlight to a supernova

 

When Lena was kidnapped by Cadmus Alex watched as Kara`s concern turned to rage turned to fury. She had Never, NEVER, feared her sister, but watching Kara realise the woman she loved had been taken by the same people who had been using kidnapped humans to create alien weapons. She saw a side to Kara she never expected to, and she watched as her sister became exactly what Cadmus feared.

 

It was ironic in its own way, by kidnapping Lena, Cadmus had created the very thing they feared the most. They had literally created their own demise.

 

When Kara finally managed to beat her way to Cadmus` HQ it was already too late, she watched as Lena was injected with a serum made of her own stolen blood. It was pure luck that Kara had taken the super suit that Winn had installed a Kryptonite neutraliser in as Kara tore through Cadmus.

She listened to Lena`s heart beat faster and faster until it stopped.

She felt the pain of loss tear through her very soul, and she moved through the base and spared no one, those that fought died, those that tried to flee were beaten unconscious the fury Kara felt for these people knew no bounds. It was only Kal-El arriving and physically restraining her that stopped her from hunting down every survivor and making them pay.

 

For three weeks Alex was forced to watch her sister pace around a cell in the basement of a D.E.O. Her powers diminished by the kryptonite in the room. She was forced to watch as those on the oversight committee tried to come up with a punishment for Kara, until finally one evening the president, the president, stepped in issuing Kara a full pardon for her actions at Cadmus, stating she had no control over them such was her grief.

 

She was forced to watch as day after day her sister, the shining light that had once been her sister vanished. Instead replaced by a new Kara, a Kara who would snap and become angry if pushed. A Kara who spent every day sitting beside the headstone of Lena Luthor, wrapped up in what she had lost.

 

Years pass, life moves on slowly but Kara never does, she spends her days beside Lena`s headstone, her nights she patrols the city. Her friends and family try and help her, they try to help Kara find her way back, but they never do. Not even Alex`s marriage to Maggie or the birth of J`onn`s child change the way Kara looks at the world. The Kara they once knew died the day that Lena did, the Kara they had left, she was just a hollowed shell filled with despair.

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What I wish to ask is this, I have considered doing this story from Lena's perspective and also from the POV of a child (probably J'onns ) after Lena's death,

question one are you ok with this? (are you going to hate me when it becomes about as heartwrenching as the first)

and 2 which would you prefer?

I will likely do both at some stage (unless there is a large request not to) so it's really a matter of preference. I will apologise in advance for any triggers that are bound to be within whatever i end up writing

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As Lena sits in her office, she can`t help but remember the beautiful reporter she had met that day when Clark Kent came to accuse her of being her brother reincarnate. Unlike Kent, Kara had seemed kind, and friendly, if a little hesitant, but as soon as Lena lay eyes on her she was a goner, and that voice, it was like water in the scorching desert.

She sat there during the interview desperately trying not to stare at Kara`s lips and even now as she sits here afterwards she is caught between the memory of Kara`s lips and her beautiful eyes. She can barely concentrate, she doesn’t know what it was about that reporter, but she can`t seem to shake the thought of her out of her mind.

 

For weeks she worked up the courage to ask Kara to dinner, she thought of all the different ways that she could ask and all the different places they could go, and the only thing that made her sad was that she couldn’t experience them all. It was until she saw Kara hugging Jimmy Olsen.

Her heart shattered and all those thoughts she had worked so hard to overcome, all those thoughts she had worked so hard to bury, the feelings of inadequacy, the feelings of self-loathing and knowing she would never be loved as she so longed for resurfaced in full.

 

So she turns to the only coping mechanism she has ever had, the same one as she saw her father employ countless times. She drinks and drinks until she can barely think straight, and still she can't get thoughts of Kara out of her head. She tries to fill the void with countless men and women as she does everything she can to get the thoughts of Kara hugging Jimmy Olsen out of her head.

 

And yet every time she sees Kara, every time the blonde shows up to her office, she falls back down the rabbit hole. She watches as Kara seems to close herself off, of course, she does, after all, why does she need Lena when she has someone like Jimmy. And yet no matter how she tries to forget Kara, to rid herself of the longing in her heart she craves her visits like an addict craves their next fix.

 

She works days and spends nights going from bed to bed, she never sleeps, she barely eats, she won't let herself slow down, she will never slow down, because that’s when the thoughts of Kara appear.

 

When she is kidnapped by Cadmus, by her own Mother, she doesn’t even try to fight it anymore, she gives up. The knowledge she was and never will be loved as she so desperately yearned for fills her heart.

She is experimented on for days, as they try to turn her into a weapon. Even through all that pain and suffering, none of it compares to the knowledge that she will never see Kara again. That she will never get to hold her in her arms, never get to tell her how she feels; and so when her mother injects her with the serum, she gives up.

 

She doesn’t even fight it, she just lets the pain fill her as her heart begins to labour, she can hear the banging and crashing in the distance, but Lena, Lena is done. She feels her heart finally stop and just before she drifts into the void she voices a final thought "I love you, Kara, I'm sorry."

And then she is gone

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IF there was one thing Barry remembered from his time on Earth 32, it was the sunny smile of Kara Danvers, she could light up a room with her smile and do so without trying. So when he passed through the portal into Kara`s living room he thought for a moment he had stepped into the wrong universe, that Cisco had made a mistake and sent him through to the wrong place. But no, there on a bookshelf to the side was a picture of the two of them smiling after one of their team-ups several years back.

 

He moves through the city looking for Kara he checks all the places he can think of the D.E.O. CatCo, that little coffee shop she used to frequent.
Nothing.

Eventually, he finds Alex, and she tells him where he can find her, but before he can speed off Alex's hand finds his arm as she says "Barry, she isn't the Kara you remember, something happened."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"It's not my place; just Kara might not be the person you remember, not anymore."

 

When he finally manages to reach Kara, he finds her curled beside a headstone softly crying. He tries to talk to her, but she shuts him down time and again, the one time he does manage to get her to look at him, what he sees in her eyes breaks his heart. He has seen that look before; it is the look of the living dead, the look that people who have lost everything share.

 

He doesn't understand at first, Kara still has Alex and J'onn, but then he sees the way she is clutching to the headstone; and he realises just what it was that Kara lost.

He aches to help her; he so desperately wants to fix what happened, but he knows he can't, he knows he could rend space and time by doing so. Watching the pain that he finds his friend in he desperately wants to; Instead, he forces himself to sit still and watch as Kara struggles with the despair and loss she feels.

 

When Kara moves to patrol the city he expected to see the same Kara for a moment but it becomes apparent that the old Kara is truly gone. She doesn't take joy in her duties like she once had instead, she is mechanical in nature moving throughout the city as if it is a chore until she can return to her beloved's side.

 

He notices that none of the city`s inhabitants dares commit a crime during the night as Supergirl patrols and it is days later he sees why. And armed robber makes a run for it as soon as he sees her coming, but rather than chasing down and subduing him, Kara uses her heat vision to burn a hole in his knee before continuing.

 

He tries to help Kara he really does he stays on Earth 32 for months, but he soon comes to the same realisations as those before him. There is no helping Kara Danvers, not anymore. The Kara they had once know was truly lost to them.

 

Eventually Barry moves on from National City, when he leaves he leaves with a heavy heart, knowing the Kara he had known, the person who could light up a room just by being there was gone, succumbed to the darkness and there was nothing he could do to save her

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How do you explain to a child why someone is so sad that their entire life seems meaningless?

a child`s mind is a beautiful thing it can see patterns and make connections that many people miss, but how do you answer your child when they ask a question like "why is Auntie Kara so sad?"

 

You can`t tell them the truth.

You can`t tell them that their Aunt lost the one person they had waited their entire life to meet.

You can't tell them that you had been forced to watch their Aunt self-destruct as they watched the person they loved die.

That they blame themselves for not getting there in time, for not being fast enough to save them.

So you lie, you tell them you don’t know, or you suggest that maybe something is just wrong that day.

 

But a child`s mind will never let things be, they are inquisitive by nature and always ask questions perhaps they shouldn’t, like the time they ask "who`s Lena" when they find their aunt crying in the cemetery; and then watch their already struggling Aunt sob even harder.

 

It is sad to watch your children as they grow and become able to understand the pain that someone who is important to them is in, to watch as they realise the depths of the despair that haunts someone.

To watch time and again as they try to help as they try to coax that person back into the world only to fail again and again. To watch as they finally give up. To watch them age and lose that innocence as they learn to look at someone with as much sorrow as love.

 

For years they try to help Kara, never understanding why they can't, always asking why, but it is not until their 17th year they are told the true story.

 

They are told about how Kara had loved someone so much she was willing to give up every shred of happiness just to be in their life.

About how she was, so, so, close, to saving them but then had to watch as the person she loved practically died in her arms.

That she was made to miss the funeral, that she never got to say her goodbyes, that the family of the woman she loved stopped her from being able to even visit her grave for so long.

About how their aunt finally succumbs to the pain and just stopped living.

 

To watch your children realise the pain that the person they had gotten angry with, and frustrated at over these years was barely holding onto life, to begin with.

the pain of watching all those years of frustrated conversation turn to sorrow as they re-watch every conversation they ever had and realise just how much the person they loved suffered.

that is the true pain

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THIS PAGE HAS BEEN POSTED TO GIVE YOU A LAST CHANCE TO CONSIDER IF YOU REALLY WANT TO READ THIS STORY,

THIS IS UTTER ANGST EVEN FOR WHAT I`VE EVER WRITTEN

CONSIDER YOUR TRIGGERS CAREFULLY.

THIS STORY WILL FOLLOW THE EFFECTS OF KIDNAPPING ON THE DANVERS FAMILY (Lena and Kara primarily) AND HOW THEY INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY AFTER LENA IS KIDNAPPED AND TORTURED BY CLARK IN THE INCORRECT PRESUMPTION SHE WAS PART OF LEX'S LATEST PLAN. IT WILL FOLLOW IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH, ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE YEARS AFTER BIRTH OF CHILDREN AND TO RESOLUTION.

 

NORMALLY I WOULD LEAVE THE WARNINGS AS ABOVE, HOWEVER I FEEL THIS SPECIFIC TAG IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT BE AWARE THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN PTSD, IF YOU SUFFER FROM PTSD I RECOMMEND YOU DO NOT READ IT, IF YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW SUFFERS PTSD, PLEASE, PLEASE, SEEK HELP

 

 

 

 

THERE WILL BE NO OTHER VERSIONS OF THIS STORY POSTED

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SERIOUSLY I AM TELLING YOU, BE SURE YOU WANT TO READ THIS

 

 

 

 

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The day Clark kidnapped Lena was the day the world learned what It meant to take away Kara`s world, Clark had decided that Lena had to be linked to the most recent of Lex`s plans because in his words 'she`s a Luthor'.
What he found out instead was that he wasn’t the strongest or fastest or most resilient man around, in fact, his cousin outclassed him in nearly all regards.

 

It was the third day of Lena's captivity and interrogation at Clark's hand, and he had barely made a step toward Lena when Kara crashed through the walls of the warehouse he was using and tackled him to the ground. The look in Kara`s eyes at seeing Lena, her Lena, bound and gagged like a common criminal was like nothing Clark had ever seen. First he saw anger, then he saw fear, next he saw love, but mostly he saw the utter, unadulterated rage and fury Kara felt when she looked at Lena unconscious and slumped in the chair.

Immediately he begins to speak "Kara… I…" but is cut off as Kara turns her gaze to him, he witnesses the rage and fury boil over behind her contempt filled gaze, he tries desperately to find the words to apologise to his cousin, to explain his actions. Instead he is speared by her heat vision, he sees it coming and expects it will have little to no effect, after all, Kara hasn’t been under Earth's yellow sun as long as he has. What he hadn't accounted for though was the blue giant her pod orbited for nearly a year before storing enough energy to make its way to Earth. Instead of shrugging off the hit as he expected he finds himself knocked back and off his feet. As Kara advances on him his mind boggles, he tries to get up, but Kara punches him in the face, Hard.

He goes flying back and immediately tries to escape, but Kara is on him in an instant "do you even understand what you have done!!"

"Kara… i…" he stumbles in the face of his enraged cousin

"no!!" She screams her voice cutting through the air "You kidnapped the woman I love!!" *smack* her fist meets his jaw again, and he feels the flesh give way

"she is the light of my life!"she screams as her knee finds his gut dropping him to the floor "and you stole her away like a common criminal!"

Her boot impacts his chest, and he tries to fight back he really does, he tries to grab her leg, to stop her, but she is too strong, her rage and fury combined with the power from the blue giant means she knocks him back like he is an insect
"you hurt her. You hurt her in more ways than you can ever imagine!" He face burns red with her fury as she continues "You did what even Lex never dared!!"

He lies back as she advances on him "I Love her and now because of you we can never be together!!"

He sees the burning light behind her eyes and prepares for the blast that is to come "the one thing, that I have in this universe, the one thing that was just mine, the one person who loved me no matter what and you’ve ruined it."

the light intensifies, and he silently begins to pray to the gods to keep Lois safe and then the unthinkable happens "Kara?" Comes Lena's soft cry

and in an instant, Kara has turned and flown all the way back to Lena`s side Clark lying bloody and beaten several now flattened buildings away as Kara releases Lena before taking her into his arms and flying away as fast as she can.

 

It takes years before Kara sees Clark without immediately turning around and leaving, whenever he tries to enter National City he is stopped at the city limits by the DEO who once again possess Kryptonite weaponry. He is darted, sedated and shipped back to Lois in Metropolis. Whenever Kara and Lena are in Metropolis they are always escorted by a group of DEO agents, and no matter how Clark might try and get close they stop him each and every time, usually It ends up being Alex jabbing him with a Kryptonite dart as she threatens him over what he nearly did to her sister and Kara`s now wife.

 

In the end it is only because of Lucy, and Lois being pregnant that Kara even allows Clark to be in the same room as her and Lena and even then she stands protectively beside Lena all night as Alex sits only meters away in her super suit and sharpens her kryptonite sword (Kara being immune due to Winn`s genius and Non`s neutraliser technology) even then Clark never dares speak to Kara or Lena. He knows the only reason he is there even now is because his cousin loves Lois and her unborn niece or nephew.

 

He knows he can never earn Kara`s forgiveness for what he nearly cost her. Alex told him what happened once they returned to the DEO, about how Lena had shrunk away from Kara, about how she had spent many a night at the bottom of a bottle trying to recover from what Clark had done.

How Kara was forced to watch as Lena slowly drank herself closer and closer to death and how Kara couldn’t even be in the same room because for the longest time Lena hadn't been able to associate the word Kryptonian with anything other than fear. It still showed today how Lena was so still and stiff in Clark's presence, how she seemed to shrink into Kara, how there wasn’t even a drop of liquor in their entire house and how Kara never seemed to take her eyes off her wife, lest Clark threaten her again. Let alone in how J`onn hovers outside the window in his Martian form his own kryptonite gun charged and Ready.

 

When baby Lana is born Kara comes to Metropolis, but she refuses to stay at Lois and Clark's apartment, instead she stays at L-Corp with Lena, even across the city Clark can hear the sharp intakes of breath, the small sobs, and the way Kara mumbles in Kryptonian as she has nightmares of that day, Clark listens as his cousin, his last surviving relative has nightmares of him on the night that his daughter is born.

 

Lana unsurprisingly comes to love her aunt, but over the years she comes to realise that it is always her mother and her that visit Kara and Lena in National City, one day she asks her mother why, why her father never goes to see his cousin. Naturally, Lois Lies and so for several years Lana refuses to have anything to do with Kara and Lena, she completely ignores them until just after her 25th birthday.

 

It was unsurprising when Lana developed Kryptonian powers, and when she eventually went to work for the DEO it was unsurprising they wanted Kara to train her. She refused, completely and without hesitation, she refused to have anything to do with Kara, Lena or Alex. That was until the day she learned the truth.

 

She had been fighting aliens all day when she found out about the DEO`s Kryptonite stores, she flew into an angry tirade, yelling about how they were endangering her and her family by having it, it wasn’t until Lucy handed her files from years earlier that she began to understand. She read about Astra and Non, and about how they lead a small army of Kryptonians to nearly enslave the world, but it was the file bearing her father's name that broke her heart, she reads about how Clark kidnapped Lena, about how he had interrogated her for days, leaving and returning, desperate to find out about what he was sure Lena was planning with her brother Lex.

 

She reads about how Kara searched far and wide for Lena, about how she fought her cousin and about how she returned with Lena to the DEO. Then she reads about the following years.

She reads about the alcoholism, about how Kara was forced to watch her lover nearly die on an operating table, how she gave up her own blood to cure her love, only to have a still fearful Lena flinch at her touch.

She learns about the night terrors that they both still experience to this day and how they can not be separated, how Kara seems to have a panic attack as soon as she can't hear or see Lena.

About how her aunt had only begun talking to them once her mother became pregnant, how Kara tried to make sure she was always there for Lana.

And then she thinks of the way she has treated her aunt these last few years, how she refused to even see her, how she punished her aunt for the sins of her father and how her mother had lied.

 

It took her only an hour and a half to make it to National City and to her Aunt`s apartment. When she arrived the last thing she expected was to be pulled into a hug tight enough to literally break bones. For hours she sits with her aunts and begs their forgiveness, she apologises for all the jibes and barbs, all the times she refused to visit, the times she pretended to be busy just to avoid them. What she wasn’t expecting was for Kara to pull her into her arms and tell her everything was going to be ok, as Lena sat on her other side telling her all was forgiven.

 

In the years that follow she grows close to Kara and Lena, it takes time for them to bury the hatchet after so long and even longer for Alex to understand how Lana had acted, but eventually, the pair becomes like surrogate parents to her and Alex and Maggie another set of aunts. She barely speaks to her mother or father such is her pain at their lies and deceptions, instead of sending them messages through her Aunt Lucy.

 

As the years pass they are confronted by something they had never expected, Kara, Lana, and Lena are all forced to watch as those around them slowly age and die, the Kryptonian blood they all share protecting them from the ravages of time. They watch as their family slowly pass and die one by one. Lana cries as first Lucy, then Alex and Maggie and eventually Lois all pass away.

The day her mother dies she wraps herself tightly in Kara and Lena's arms as she weeps for the lost years. When Clark comes to their door that night, Kara embraces her Cousin like she hasn't in so long, the pain from all those years earlier finally faded enough for her to allow him close once more.

As time passes, they manage to bury the hatchet, Instead taking comfort in whom they still have and managing to forgive the sins of the past. The Kryptonians begin to work together at the DEO and as time passes they become a family once more. Lena steps back from L-Corp taking a job at the DEO leaving her company in the hands of her young protégé lest it is discovered that she and her family are functionally immortal.

 

It is many years later that Kara and Lena finally have their first child a young boy they name Alex. Lana immediately falls in love with her baby cousin, she aches at the pain he will one day face at the loss of those around him but she does her best to help her aunts as they raise him and finally after many years the House of El is united once more.