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Could Have Been Scarier

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The video clip started with a cutaway interview with a man seated in a well-lit room. The man was wearing a military style canvas hat with hints of short brown hair sticking out. He was also wearing a black t-shirt on top of a black long sleeved shirt. A chyron graphic appeared at the bottom of the screen for context.

[ Tom DeLonge
Angels and Airwaves frontman, ex- blink-182 co-founder, hardcore alien aficionado ]

“Like, long before the whole paranormal reality show trend really took hold, I had pitched one to get the word out about Alan Greer's work to MTV. I've had plans to get more disclosure of the UFO phenomena out to the public in an accessible, entertaining manner. It's all been part of the plan even before Sekret Machines, my current disclosure project with the US government! So when they said “Hey Tom, you wanna do a show?” I was like “Yeah, let's go for it, maybe people will get that I'm not saying this [BLEEP] because I haven't gone off the deep end or some [BLEEP] like that!”

Tom self consciously rubbed the side of his face in his hand and looked up at the ceiling.

“Then it turned out not to be about aliens at all, it was about ghosts! Which, don't get me wrong, I'm interested in all that [BLEEP] too, I got a project called Strange Times that delves into that, but I'm not an expert on ghosts and [BLEEP]. It's just a really weird choice but, y'know, it's fun and all and it's just a one-off special, so what's it hurt to try?

The footage changed to footage from inside the house the group was investigating, filmed in night vision. Tom and a buff man with scruffy hair and no shirt on were talking about something while walking through the house looking for readings.

“You know that Ancient Aliens guy?” the buff man asked.

Tom gave a derisive chuckle. “Of course I know the Ancient Aliens guy, everyone always talks about that one specific Ancient Aliens guy!”

“He's not even a UFOlogist! He has no experience in the field, he used to be a boxing promoter!"

Tom stopped walking for a moment, taking the time to process what he just heard.

“Son of a [BLEEP]ing b—”

The footage cut away to the interview footage. Tom shrugged, looking somewhat defeated.

“That explains why he's going for the Don King hairstyle but holy [BLEEP]! If you're not going to get someone who knows about aliens to talk about aliens and get me to host a ghost hunting show, then who are these networks getting to talk about everything else?

The cutaway interview transitioned to another cutaway interview. The buff man appeared on screen, this time with pink hair and a blue shirt on. He got a descriptive chyron similar to Tom's.

[ Josh Dun,
Drummer for twenty one pilots, softcore alien aficionado ]

“Yeah man, it's a real honor to be here. Tom is really big into this paranormal stuff. I've met all of blink, but I've only really had the chance to know Mark better. It's nice to finally hang with Tom. I like Angels and Airwaves too, so hearing what he has planned for that is nice. I've heard a lot of good things about Awsten from the Madden Brothers and Sonny is super chill. There's worse people to be exploring a haunted house with, that's for sure!”

On his right was Tyler Joseph, a mousier looking brown haired man with a hoodie on. He also got his own chyron.

[ Tyler Joseph,
Josh's best friend, Chipotle enthusiast ]

“I'm not involved with the investigations at all, I'm just here during these segments for moral support.”

He put his hand on Josh's arm in a reassuring manner. Josh responded in kind.

“Thanks bud, I appreciate it.”

The night vision haunted house footage came back, with Josh talking to Tom again.

“I'm not really sure what the point of me being shirtless all the time is?” Josh asked.

“Often the first sign of ghosts is a sudden, abrupt change in temperature. You'll be the first to notice!” Tom explained.

Josh put his hands on his hips. “I guess that makes sense in a really weird way?”

“You're also a hunk and ghosts are attracted to hunks.”

Josh laughed.

Tom looked confused. “Why are you laughing?”

Another transition to a cutaway interview occurred, this time focusing on Tyler, who smiled and nodded pleasantly.

“Having Josh be shirtless 99% of the time on this show has to be the greatest decision ever made in the history of television.”

More cutaway interview footage ensued. This time, the footage featured a man with thick rimmed glasses, a black shirt, a camo jacket, and long hair. The hair was swept to one side of his head while the other half was shaved. The chyron read...

[ Sonny Moore aka “Skrillex”
Electronic musician, ex- From First to Last, OSWSLA co-founder, also big into aliens ]

“It's some spooky [BLEEP], man, but it's a lot of fun! Talking to Tom and Josh about aliens is rad, but I'm with Tom on expecting to be in a different show! Yo, where are the aliens? We should start a podcast or somethin' to make up for it.”

A shorter cut was made to night vision footage of Sonny holding the camera towards a body length mirror. The scene soon went back to the cutaway interview.

“I don't get why I have to be the one to hold the camera though, I'm not a professional cameraman at all! I probably Blair Witched the [BLEEP] out of that thing. Sorry if I made you puke, dog!”

Contrary to Sonny's concerns about his filming quality, his camera skills, while not professional, weren't awful or overly shaky. His view of everyone else through the lens looked down on them, as if looking from afar.

“Uh, guys?”

Tom, Josh, and a third man in an oversized sweatshirt were talking amongst themselves.

“A little help here, dogs?”

Tom was gesturing wildly with his hands while the third guy kept shouting about Tom dodging the question of whether or not he'd ever smooch a ghost. Sonny might smooch a ghost, but that wasn't important to him at this moment.

“HELP ME!”

The three men looked up at Sonny, only to see him hovering above them in mid-air.

“Oooooh, [BLEEP], that's not good,” Tom responded.

“I, I think they're friendly?” Sonny replied.

“Where did you get that idea from?”

“They had ten minutes where they could have flung me against the wall and kill me but they didn't. They're just holding me in place right now.”

Josh was still gawking at the sight. “Can you ask if they could put you down?”

Sonny found himself slowly lowered down, with the view in the camera adjusting from hovering to being on ground level with the rest of the guys.

“Thanks, dog.”

Josh nodded in approval and looked into what he thought was the ghost's general vicinity.

“Hey, do you do kissing or is that off the table for you as a spectral entity with a lot of haunting and mischief to get up to?”

Tom readied an EVK recorder, but found that it wasn't necessary. A sudden chill could be felt throughout the room, so much so that everyone shivered slightly soon after. There wasn't any obvious alternate source of the chill in the room.

“Okay, cool, it's your move.”

The other three men were met with the sight of Josh giving a sweet peck to thin air. After he was done, the men were met with the sight of him winking to thin air.

Tom nodded in approval and the third man, after a period of covering his mouth in shock, started shouting and demanding the ghost smooch Tom next. His efforts were met with the chill in the room disappearing immediately afterward.

OKAY, FINE THEN!!

Sonny's thoughts in the interview footage that followed were succinct.

“Josh Dun is smooth as [BLEEP]! Awsten is like a car alarm in human form.”

It was the third man's turn for interview footage, who outside of night vision had bright blue hair. Unlike in the haunted house footage, he was wearing a shirt with a Super Sloppy Double Dare Nickelodeon logo on it and glasses. His eyebrows looked as thick as they did concerned.

[ Awsten Knight
Frontman of Waterparks, the only person with any major liking of ghosts in this ensemble ]

“I, uh, really don't understand what's going on here. Like, I like ghosts, right? That's a point of interest for me, I've brought it up in songs, it's kind of a cliché at this point but that's the thing, it's a cliché at this point! AM I TYPECASTING MYSELF BY DOING THIS?!

Awsten sighed.

“Maybe not, not enough people know about my band enough right now to even care, but when I do, will I always just be the ghost guy even though that's not all there is to me? [BLEEP], I dunno, I just came here because I'd finally get to meet twenty one pilots. And Tom too, but mostly twenty one pilots. I have no [BLEEP]ing clue why Skrillex is here but the more the merrier, I guess? Not to diss him or anything, he's great. We talked about how brilliant the dog_rates account is for like twenty minutes straight, he knows what's up. The network just picked the most random ass musicians for this show.”

Back in the house footage...

“Whatever, I'm taking a break. They got soda in here, right? I'll apologize or pay the house owners or whatever.”

Awsten walked into the kitchen, moving himself offscreen. The camera followed his exit, focusing on the open entrance to the kitchen.

A few moments passed.

A sudden loud spraying sound, like several opened pressurized soda cans overflowing, came from the kitchen. A high pitched screaming sound soon followed.

Silence.

Awsten slowly walked back into the foyer and back onscreen, with the camera following his return to the same place he left from. He was drenched in soda, with his whole body shaking, his eyes clenched closed and a pissed expression on his face. His fists were firmly balled into fists at this sides. Finally, he spoke up, going for a seething tone instead of full blown caps lock vocals.

“The [BLEEP]ing kitchen is haunted!”

Cut back to Awsten.

“You know what this show really needs more of, besides me not getting hit in the face with spectral soda? A random [BLEEP]ing appearance by Pitbull to really bring home how [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] the casting for this [BLEEP] is. Dale!”

The video clip ended with a graphic showing the show's title and premiere date. The show date passed with the hour long special quietly replaced with back to back reruns of The Magicians. A year after, a retooled version of the special aired with more famous musicians and actual ghost hunters teaming up. Unfortunately, Pitbull wasn't involved.