Chapter Text
He stares at the clock on the side of his bed and pretends like his eyes are closed.
It's midday, about to be an hour past twelve.
And…And…Now it's exactly an hour past twelve.
Not that it makes anything better.
Obi-Wan sighs, rolling over, still trying to pretend to be asleep. His apartment on Coruscant is far better than the barracks and his bed is of course more comfortable than the cots on the star ship. In fact, despite the hour, his curtains are drawn shut so it mimics the complete darkness of night.
Still.
He needs to talk to Anakin.
For half a moment, as he rolls over, feet almost planted on the ground - he forgets that Anakin isn't here. In this apartment. Not anymore.
He sighs again, lazily scratching at his beard. This means he'll actually have to get dressed for this conversation. Not just proper 'outside' robes since he'll be exiting his apartment, but also he'll need to brush his hair and trim his beard - although both of the latter were going to happen anyways since he was not nearly awake enough to deal with Anakin's bemoaned teasing about looking like 'the son of a bantha-fucker', which had been his favorite curse and insult as a teenager.
Apparently 'fuck' is novel because Huttese had 4 different variations of the exact definition of the word - none of which were swears. However, in Basic, the word could be converted into any part of speech, and could be added nearly anywhere in a sentence - and would make the whole sentence improper, which meant an infinite opportunity to annoy Obi-Wan.
He sighs again - or maybe that's just how he breathes these days - because he'd only gotten back to Coruscant half a day ago, and somehow spent a full day in various meetings. He's tired.
He's…not-not missing the wandering presence of his no-longer padawan.
He looks in the mirror, at first wondering who that tired and disheveled man looking back is - before realizing it is in fact himself - and he was almost about to comb his hair with a toothbrush in hand.
What a great way to start this miserable encounter.
When he goes to pick up his actual comb, he realizes, that of course, Anakin had taken all his stupid hair products and soaps - most of which had been gifts from Senator Amidala.
(And no, Obi-Wan was not supposed to know that fact, nor would he ever think too hard on it because then he'd have to think of those two having such an intimate friendship in which she is buying him soap.)
But.
But also it was one of these strange sort of things that Obi-Wan pointedly ignored despite how easy it would be to nip that minute habit in the bud. Jedi were unattached, non-material spirits of the Force, unconcerned with worldly possessions.
Jedi did not get excited at the prospect of smelling like some sort of Nabooian fruit nor did they pride themselves on having hair that was luscious and soft.
And yet…yet it wasn't often Anakin could be coaxed into a state of unguarded joy. When Obi-Wan teased or made comment about yet another colorful and expensive package ending up on their door - Anakin would stammer out some pathetically terrible excuse but for some reason, he would unconsciously refrain from his usual snapping.
Instead of treating the tease like an accusation of murder - as he regularly did over everything - he would roll his eyes and huff 'there's not even that much stuff' or 'well this one is different from the other one' and his face would soften into a suddenly boyishly tentative look angled towards Obi-Wan who would inevitably throw up his hands and say 'well fine, then but keep it on your side of the counter.'
Obi-Wan looks back in the mirror, somehow looking worse now that he's brushed his hair and washed his face. Well, he muses that now there is more counter space. Just like he wanted.
Truthfully, it wasn't much of a regular argument anyways. It couldn't be since Anakin had only reconnected with Padme just a year ago and coincidentally just a year ago the war broke out and suddenly neither of them were on Coruscant very much anymore.
It's also why Anakin never moved out after his knighthood. It was always meant to happen, it was of course, the canonical way of things - and technically, Anakin had been allocated his own space in the Knight Wing, but he just never bothered to move in.
It seemed like too much effort to do when they were only at the temple for weeks, if not mere days, at a time.
And the only reason it's actually happening now is due to Ahsoka coming on as Anakin's own padawan - and stars above that makes Obi-Wan feel old.
Older and younger, simultaneously because his own master - Ahsoka's great-grand Master - would only be 58 if he were here.
He had been older than Obi-Wan is now when he first became Obi-Wan's master.
In a hysterical, sleep-deprived way, somehow it makes Obi-Wan feel irresponsible. Like this whole cycle of too-young padawans suddenly taking on padawans of their own - started with him.
Still, he banishes the thought as he tugs on his boots - the only pair of boots now left in the cubby holes.
Distantly, he had known that Anakin would be moving his things out bit by bit in the past 2 weeks - or knowing Anakin - in some great big flurry of things thrown into a box and then even more things thrown into donation bags because if the boy was suddenly forced to be reflective, he could be surprisingly adherent to doctrine. Even more surprisingly, he could be almost too adherent, and Obi-Wan had wanted to be here to help his often errant padawan - not padawan - with the move because he had suspected Anakin would suddenly, in a great crash of 'Jedi Detachment' throw everything except 2 sets of clothes out and then spend at least a month or two lamenting that fact.
And based on how empty, and borderline sterile the apartment is, Obi-Wan suspicions are growing by the minute.
He pauses, for just a moment, his fingers lightly patting around his pockets for his keys - when his eyes just catch Anakin's bedroom door - well…now just the other bedroom door.
Ah. Anakin was thorough in his purging, it would seem. He painted over the pencil marks ticked on the doorframe, the ones that had been measuring his height every year until 15 when, unfairly, he outgrew Obi-Wan. That day made him feel old.
And now…
He scrubs a hand over his face, allowing the feelings of longing and the tiredness and the ache to settle over him like dust. And then with a long sigh, he blows it all into the Force and locks the door behind him.
There were more terrible things to ruminate about other than the absence of the boy.
In these long 2 weeks since Ahsoka, the brilliant and stubborn and perfectly matched padawan to Anakin, came barreling into both of their lives - it had been both a joy to see her but also it only signaled an even more permanent separation.
The 501st and 212th had been less entwined over the past few months, often just weeks apart on different campaigns, but now their upcoming schedules would see them separated by months entirely. Yoda and the council said in not so many words, that it wasn't wholly efficient to consistently pair the two best battalions together.
Vos, in far too many words, drunken words at that - revealed to Obi-Wan that the council had feared splitting the duo apart without anyone to anchor Anakin. And regrettably, when Obi-Wan asked what that meant the other man simply shrugged into his bottle, eyes not meeting Obi-Wan's and said, 'the council's worried he'll go get himself killed, one way or the next.'
Smartly, Obi-Wan refrained from asking more.
Which also brings him to now -or rather - 2 weeks ago, at the end of the Senate debrief about the Rotta Rescue mission, Senator Amidala had asked Obi-Wan to accompany her on a walk through the gardens and by the fountains.
Astutely, it was of course the most concealed and also inherently noisiest place in the temple. Bugs and birds and water trickling in the very heart of the temple - all very covert without being obvious.
Almost selfishly, Obi-Wan - as he walks through the halls at a snail's pace, inching his way closer to Anakin and Ahsoka's accommodation - wonders why calm and composed Padme couldn't have been the Chosen One and Anakin couldn't have just been the passionate Boy King of Naboo. The galaxy probably would have been safer for it.
(But in her talk and in her words, the bitter truth, of course, is that Anakin was not born on Naboo. He was born a slave, Obi-Wan knew. Slave to the Hutts, he had not known.
"I didn't…" Obi-Wan started to say but then erased the thought, his ears still ringing from Padme's words.
"I was under the impression, you and the Jedi council were aware," She offered innocently, though her eyes tell a different story. "It was Skywalker's 'experience with the Hutts' that had made him so suitable for the task, I thought?"
Obi-Wan's mouth went a bit dry, a sudden heat on his ears, because indeed that's true, however…well now it does just sound…
"Well yes, Anakin never specified exactly what he meant by experience," Obi-Wan defended lamely, wincing when Padme cocked a brow. "We assumed it meant…" Obi-Wan didn't bother to finish that disaster of a sentence, mainly because he didn't know how he was even going to finish that disaster of a sentence, "I can see it was an oversight to perhaps -"
"I apologize," Padme cut in smoothly, her canines sharp and pearly white as she tilted her head softly at Obi-Wan, "I don't mean to imply the Jedi made any sort of mistake in sending Skywalker to aid in brokering a deal with his former slavers, I'm sure that was taken into account in the decision," And sweetly, she added, "It was just an observation."
Mulishly, he wanted to snap technically Anakin had to go since he was the only experienced enough General still kriffing alive and in the system at that moment because Master Koth had just gotten himself blown up on last week's failure, and Master Gallia's padawan was still ill after the disaster on Hoth.
He found himself immediately wanting to break her stupid politeness in half by saying that it's war and it's sacrifice and Anakin is extremely good at both of those things - and perhaps, he should be forgiven on the technicality that it wasn't even Jabba but Gardulla who actually owned him and -
Never mind.
Horrible. What a horrible, horrible thought. This shouldn't be a technicality, and it certainly isn't Padme's forgiveness he should be trying to earn. He tried to center himself more actively on her words, the ugly truth that she was exposing - since all Jedi should be truth seekers - but.
But that means he has to remember that Anakin was owned, and he specifically doesn't even like to think about Anakin being owned - Forces what does that even mean - how can you own a person - what is it like on a leash? Like a pet - like - like.
Obi-Wan tried to scrub that trailing thought from his mind as the silence lingered between them. After a long, exhale, he looked up to find her wolfish smile had faded from her face. Instead, her eyes were soft with a poised, far off look. And when she turned to Obi-Wan, he suddenly felt as though he's was about to be praised, judged and then gifted with some sort of responsibility- all at the same time.
"He and I spoke briefly when I called Jabba," she said softly, "I feel as though I interrupted a scuffle."
And Obi-Wan swallowed hard, because that was a detail pointedly left out on everyone's reports of the mission. About Anakin running in, lightsaber pointed at Jabba's throat, still spitting out that he was there to negotiate. Forces, did he teach Anakin nothing about the art of persuasion?
"Anakin was worried about his padawan," Obi-Wan explained, "He believed Ahsoka's life was at stake; the life of a child in his care, that took precedent in that moment - anyone would have, I would have -"
"I know what I saw Obi-Wan," She retorted sharply, tears welling in her eyes before she blinked them away just as quick, "He looked…he looked…"
"It worked out in the end," Is all Obi-Wan could offer, "He did well, his actions secured alliance with the Hutts."
And softly, so quietly, Obi-Wan almost thought her voice was mixing with the trickling sounds of the fountains, "He looked ready to kill Jabba, Ahsoka or not - he looked like a frightened animal."
And immediately Obi-Wan believed her. Maybe not about the fear, but about the killing. They've been together in war now; Obi-Wan has seen it. That gruesome, teeth-baring expression that makes Anakin look nearly inhuman at times - that look he gets right before he wins a battle.
But then she sniffed again, voice rising back up,"Perhaps the desert heat was getting to him." She quipped, a thin blade in her voice. "It can change a person, especially one who has known its rage before."
And he feels the accusation being cut out by that blade. On instinct, he wanted to shake his head and pretend he didn't hear it. Bury his head in proverbial and literal sand, and simply declare 'well it isn't Jabba who he should be homicidal about, he should be aiming for his sister!'
But of course he doesn't say that.
Why am I even thinking that.
Instead he tried again to focus on the truth. He focused on the light pouring down through the trees, felt the soft light of the Force warm his face and burn through each miserable thought til they were just a pile of ash he could blow out in one long nosedive of an exhale.
"It's been many, many years since Anakin has been there." He said finally, though something about his words made Padme's eyes flicker away from his, her posture straightening ever so slightly, as though trying not to be caught in a lie, despite nothing untrue being said.
As far as Obi-Wan knew, Anakin hadn't been back since Qui-Gon took him by the hand and out of the desert. He had always avoided missions on Tatooine when Anakin was a child, even if they were solo ones. They didn't appear often, considering Outer Rim was so lawless and detached from Core World jurisdiction but also…
Of course it would be cruel to take him back. To rub his nose in the sand and ask him not to choke on it.
But then the war happened. And it's not an excuse so much as it just - is.
Still, he pressed on, "I think he's been doing rather well at letting go of his past. In fact, he has even stopped mentioning his mother, hasn't spoken of her in a few years I'd say."
And then she turned to him with hate in her eyes, and it was pure and raging and Obi-Wan flinched on instinct because of course Padme isn't Jedi so she is free to feel as she wishes but Obi-Wan had almost forgotten how visceral the ire feels when its turned on you.
"Do you really think that is a good thing? Do you think that has ended any of his struggles, simply being silent about them? Did he quit talking, or have you just never asked?"
And then before Obi-Wan could think too hard or too long on it, she went to leave with a razor thin farewell.)
And Obi-Wan always meant to follow up, to check on Anakin about the Hutts and about Tatooine and, maybe if he was being brave, ask Anakin about his mother.
But then he had been forced off-world to follow up on some intel, and just returned 2 weeks later to see Padme's face in the Senate chamber, composed and perfectly serene as always, except for a feral glint of fury solely directed at Obi-Wan in the corner of her eye.
And soon after that, it was yet another council meeting, one where Anakin was actually allowed to sit in for, not that his scowl was showing his delight or gratitude.
They were still discussing the terms of the Treaty and what it would mean for the troops when Palpatine piped in with a curious, 'Jabba was asking about you Skywalker, he denied knowing you from any previous encounters.'
And suddenly everyone was less interested in trade route and supply channels as they waited. And then Anakin coughed out, 'Well I - it wasn't…I had experience with the Hutts yes, but it's - I worked under his sister, Gardulla…for a time.'
And there was a crushing moment of impending horror dawning on everyone's face before Mace ended it by snipping, 'We assumed you meant Jabba, perhaps you should have clarified before we assigned you such an interpersonal task. It could have been disastrous.' and then everyone hummed with agreement.
Anakin, meanwhile, just stared blankly and automatically answered, 'Of course Masters, my mistake'
As if they even asked Anakin before sending him; as if Anakin even knew that was why he was picked.
As if they wouldn't have still sent him in anyways.
After the meeting adjourned, Anakin was already stalking away at neck-breaking speeds and Obi-Wan was so tired, he couldn't fathom trying to catch up. He wanted to sleep, at least an hour, before attempting a civil conversation with Anakin.
But sleep eluded him. He tossed and turned because the room was cold and it was empty and he couldn't stop thinking of Padme's crestfallen eyes, the way they sparkled with tears for just a single gut-wrenching moment, and Anakin staring deadly ahead as the word 'Master' fell off his lips.
Frightened like an animal; owed like an pet on a leash
After one long breath, pushing away all his previous thoughts, he finds he's already at his destination.
Jedi live in the now. They do not dwell on the past beyond what is informative.
And Padme, in more or less words, has informed him to go speak with Anakin. So that is what he will do.